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1
00:00:00,298 --> 00:00:01,954
- [Laughs]
- Oh, damn!
2
00:00:02,258 --> 00:00:04,492
Wolverine is a badass.
3
00:00:04,526 --> 00:00:07,062
He's like lebron James
with an adamantium skeleton.
4
00:00:07,096 --> 00:00:08,761
Hey, if you guys could have
your own superpower,
5
00:00:08,796 --> 00:00:09,976
what would it be?
6
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,524
Ah, that's easy.
7
00:00:11,565 --> 00:00:14,581
I'd want the superpower
to fly like "Supermen."
8
00:00:14,616 --> 00:00:16,423
Do you mean superman?
9
00:00:16,457 --> 00:00:17,965
Yeah. "Supermen."
10
00:00:17,999 --> 00:00:19,433
When they created the comic,
11
00:00:19,467 --> 00:00:21,071
they didn't tell you
how to pronounce it.
12
00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:22,837
You know, I'm not saying
he's not a super man,
13
00:00:22,871 --> 00:00:25,901
but I mean, when you read it,
it's "Supermen."
14
00:00:25,935 --> 00:00:27,768
You're making him sound
Jewish.
15
00:00:27,802 --> 00:00:30,000
Well, I'm not saying
he's Jewish, but he could be.
16
00:00:30,034 --> 00:00:32,234
He was created by
a couple Jewish guys.
17
00:00:32,268 --> 00:00:34,104
Yeah, I mean he became a man
at 13,
18
00:00:34,138 --> 00:00:37,003
got into journalism,
changed his name from Kal-El,
19
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:40,069
which I'm pretty sure
is a variation of Cohen.
20
00:00:40,103 --> 00:00:41,902
I mean, there are layers here.
21
00:00:41,937 --> 00:00:44,340
Wow.
Superman is Jewish.
22
00:00:44,374 --> 00:00:46,408
Hey.
23
00:00:46,443 --> 00:00:48,409
Don't mean to interrupt
girls' night here.
24
00:00:48,444 --> 00:00:49,776
You guys giving each other
makeovers
25
00:00:49,810 --> 00:00:51,143
and talking about
your periods again?
26
00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:53,176
[Laughs] He burned you guys.
27
00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:54,909
You wanna hang out
wi us tonight?
28
00:00:54,943 --> 00:00:56,809
We're fantasizing about
what our superpowers would be.
29
00:00:56,843 --> 00:00:58,674
Nah, my vagina's in the shop.
30
00:00:58,708 --> 00:00:59,839
Sorry fellas.
31
00:00:59,873 --> 00:01:01,573
You guys got toasted again.
32
00:01:01,607 --> 00:01:03,241
He's including you
in that too.
33
00:01:03,275 --> 00:01:04,508
- Really?
- Yeah.
34
00:01:04,541 --> 00:01:06,575
- Damn.
- Hey, what do you have there?
35
00:01:06,610 --> 00:01:09,410
It's a box of
go [Bleep] Yourself.
36
00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:11,978
Those look like completed
s.A.T.S.
37
00:01:12,013 --> 00:01:13,879
It's because they are
completed s.A.T.S, Josh,
38
00:01:13,913 --> 00:01:15,113
for a price.
39
00:01:15,147 --> 00:01:16,680
I could get you into Harvard.
40
00:01:16,714 --> 00:01:18,948
If you're on a budget,
party school in Tampa.
41
00:01:18,983 --> 00:01:21,116
I got some Indian spelling bee
champ churning these out.
42
00:01:21,150 --> 00:01:22,616
Oh, baghwan meshtiti.
43
00:01:22,651 --> 00:01:24,519
This is ridiculous.
44
00:01:24,553 --> 00:01:26,254
How can mom and dad
let you live like this?
45
00:01:26,288 --> 00:01:27,855
Why can't you be a normal kid?
46
00:01:27,890 --> 00:01:30,325
Yeah, like bandu meshtiti.
Baghwan's brother.
47
00:01:30,359 --> 00:01:31,724
Chris, you're not helping.
48
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:32,956
Jeremy, you're missing out
49
00:01:32,991 --> 00:01:34,621
on the best part of
your childhood.
50
00:01:34,656 --> 00:01:37,522
I went to Aruba last year.
I think I'm doing okay.
51
00:01:37,557 --> 00:01:39,625
Hey, listen, I'll be late.
52
00:01:39,659 --> 00:01:42,092
Don't wait up.
And don't lock the door.
53
00:01:42,127 --> 00:01:44,026
And after you boys are done
having sex with each other,
54
00:01:44,061 --> 00:01:46,862
don't forget to febreze
the couch.
55
00:01:46,896 --> 00:01:50,665
I love you guys, I really do.
56
00:01:50,699 --> 00:01:54,200
I can't believe my parents
think that I'm the bad kid.
57
00:01:54,234 --> 00:01:56,302
You're not bad.
You're more of a loser.
58
00:01:56,337 --> 00:01:59,305
Like rahul meshtiti,
the shame of the family.
59
00:01:59,339 --> 00:02:00,638
I know that.
60
00:02:00,673 --> 00:02:03,207
But try telling that to my dad.
61
00:02:03,241 --> 00:02:04,641
Josh.
62
00:02:04,675 --> 00:02:07,810
Shut up so my good son
can get some sleep.
63
00:02:07,844 --> 00:02:10,345
Okay, you guys gotta go.
64
00:02:10,379 --> 00:02:12,146
Yeah, I'd better get home.
65
00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:14,848
I stole a bunch of sandwiches
from the cafeteria last week.
66
00:02:14,883 --> 00:02:17,284
I goa eat that tuna tonight.
Are you in, Glenn?
67
00:02:17,318 --> 00:02:19,153
- Oh, hell yeah.
- Good night.
68
00:02:19,187 --> 00:02:22,155
- Take it easy, man.
- Good night, guys.
69
00:02:26,559 --> 00:02:29,526
[Scoffs]
And good night, Jeremy.
70
00:02:29,561 --> 00:02:40,673
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com
71
00:02:50,386 --> 00:02:51,786
- Good morning every...
72
00:02:51,821 --> 00:02:53,221
Uh-oh.
73
00:02:53,255 --> 00:02:55,188
Yeah, for once,
you're not the screwup.
74
00:02:55,222 --> 00:02:56,388
Your mother caught Jeremy
75
00:02:56,423 --> 00:02:57,955
sneaking into the house
at 5:00 A.M.
76
00:02:57,990 --> 00:02:59,422
Really? Is that so?
77
00:02:59,456 --> 00:03:01,889
The diet pills are giving me
night terrors.
78
00:03:01,924 --> 00:03:03,692
So I'm up avoiding
the hooded beast
79
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,327
and I come downstairs
and I catch Jeremy
80
00:03:06,361 --> 00:03:08,328
climng in through the window.
81
00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:09,796
Linda, you're taking
too many pills.
82
00:03:09,831 --> 00:03:11,264
But they help me relax!
83
00:03:11,298 --> 00:03:14,267
What the hell is
an eighth grader doing out
84
00:03:14,301 --> 00:03:15,434
at 5:00 in the morning?
85
00:03:15,469 --> 00:03:16,768
Great question, dad.
86
00:03:16,803 --> 00:03:18,703
What the goddamn [Bleep]
Were you doing?
87
00:03:18,737 --> 00:03:20,105
- Linda, lin...
Linda.
88
00:03:20,139 --> 00:03:22,006
Dad. I told you.
89
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,740
I was doing algebra homework
with Brady
90
00:03:23,775 --> 00:03:25,309
and I lost track of time.
91
00:03:25,343 --> 00:03:26,510
Then when I got home,
92
00:03:26,544 --> 00:03:28,278
the door was mysteriously
locked.
93
00:03:28,312 --> 00:03:30,079
How weird. That's funny
how that happens sometimes.
94
00:03:30,113 --> 00:03:31,881
Really?
Doing algebra homework.
95
00:03:31,915 --> 00:03:34,216
Then why do you reek of beer?
96
00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:37,019
Brady's dad is an alcoholic
and he's a hugger!
97
00:03:37,053 --> 00:03:39,021
That's a weak excuse.
Weak.
98
00:03:39,055 --> 00:03:41,222
I feel like I don't know you
anymore, Jeremy.
99
00:03:41,257 --> 00:03:43,058
Look how you're dressed.
100
00:03:43,093 --> 00:03:47,195
You look like a homosexual
from the future.
101
00:03:47,230 --> 00:03:48,631
- Yeah, or like...
Like a troubled kid
102
00:03:48,666 --> 00:03:50,767
from the present
who needs to be set straight.
103
00:03:50,801 --> 00:03:52,301
Let's do this.
104
00:03:52,336 --> 00:03:54,638
I am so goddamn mad!
105
00:03:54,672 --> 00:03:56,840
Dad. I screwed up.
But it was only this one time.
106
00:03:56,874 --> 00:03:58,207
Oh, really?
107
00:03:58,242 --> 00:03:59,742
Or this just the one time
you got caught?
108
00:03:59,776 --> 00:04:01,573
Oh, my God, this is so good.
109
00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:03,241
Oh, this is our fault.
110
00:04:03,275 --> 00:04:04,642
You know, we just haven't been
focusing enough on him.
111
00:04:04,677 --> 00:04:06,377
Since your brother's been home,
112
00:04:06,411 --> 00:04:08,144
it's probably taken even more
attention away from you,
113
00:04:08,178 --> 00:04:09,745
attention you deserve.
114
00:04:09,780 --> 00:04:11,013
Stay strong, dad.
You're doing a great job.
115
00:04:11,047 --> 00:04:12,613
Shut it!
116
00:04:12,648 --> 00:04:15,649
Jeremy, this is you
screaming out for supervision.
117
00:04:15,683 --> 00:04:19,251
Well, a message received
loud and clear, little man.
118
00:04:19,286 --> 00:04:21,554
We are not going to let you
become a statistic.
119
00:04:21,588 --> 00:04:24,290
Your mom and I are going to
be more attentive parents.
120
00:04:24,324 --> 00:04:25,491
Finally.
121
00:04:25,525 --> 00:04:27,960
Because I cannot risk
another son
122
00:04:27,995 --> 00:04:29,795
turning out like Josh.
Is that necessary?
123
00:04:29,829 --> 00:04:32,465
I cannot feel like
I have brought two joshes
124
00:04:32,499 --> 00:04:33,598
into this world.
125
00:04:33,633 --> 00:04:34,833
I didn't do any of this.
126
00:04:34,867 --> 00:04:36,101
I mean, one Josh,
shame on you.
127
00:04:36,135 --> 00:04:38,837
Two joshes, shame on me.
128
00:04:38,872 --> 00:04:42,073
[Rock music]
129
00:04:44,177 --> 00:04:47,012
Jeremy?
Are you okay?
130
00:04:47,047 --> 00:04:50,016
Mom and dad
were so mad at me.
131
00:04:50,050 --> 00:04:51,217
Are they still here?
132
00:04:51,251 --> 00:04:52,618
No.
133
00:04:52,653 --> 00:04:54,254
You're a dead man.
134
00:04:54,288 --> 00:04:55,989
I'm gonna stab you in the liver
and watch you bleed out.
135
00:04:56,023 --> 00:04:57,591
- What?
- You heard me.
136
00:04:57,625 --> 00:04:59,259
Get your hairless balls
over here and take your beating.
137
00:04:59,294 --> 00:05:02,130
Okay, "a," they're not
that hairless.
138
00:05:02,164 --> 00:05:03,364
And "b," you deserve this.
139
00:05:03,398 --> 00:05:05,165
How could you do this to me?
140
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,869
You need to be stopped.
You're growing up too fast.
141
00:05:09,305 --> 00:05:11,373
Carl grounding me
is your fault.
142
00:05:11,408 --> 00:05:12,908
And it's costing me a fortune.
143
00:05:12,942 --> 00:05:14,508
In my line of work,
144
00:05:14,543 --> 00:05:15,976
every week I'm off the streets
is a lifetime.
145
00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:20,982
- 13-year-olds should not have
a line of work.
146
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,650
You needed this.
147
00:05:22,685 --> 00:05:25,019
Being a kid is a magical time.
148
00:05:25,053 --> 00:05:27,120
You have no responsibilities.
149
00:05:27,154 --> 00:05:28,822
But it doesn't last forever.
150
00:05:28,856 --> 00:05:30,257
Take advantage of it.
151
00:05:30,291 --> 00:05:31,692
I am.
152
00:05:31,726 --> 00:05:33,896
Every felony I commit
is cleared off my record
153
00:05:33,931 --> 00:05:35,965
when I turn 18.
154
00:05:35,999 --> 00:05:37,766
I only have
five productive years left.
155
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,069
Then I'm going to film school.
156
00:05:40,103 --> 00:05:42,538
Look, Jeremy, I, I feel like
157
00:05:42,573 --> 00:05:45,409
if you actually tried
being a normal kid,
158
00:05:45,443 --> 00:05:47,577
you might actually like it.
159
00:05:47,612 --> 00:05:49,713
I don't know how.
They figured out my game.
160
00:05:49,748 --> 00:05:51,082
I only have three moves.
161
00:05:51,116 --> 00:05:53,650
Rugby shirt, backpack with
a brick in it,
162
00:05:53,685 --> 00:05:57,087
and this lisp,
which cost me $3,000 to learn.
163
00:05:57,122 --> 00:05:59,389
No, see, that's acting like
a kid.
164
00:05:59,424 --> 00:06:01,726
You need to be a kid.
165
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,195
Then you need to help me.
166
00:06:04,229 --> 00:06:05,896
I'd love to.
167
00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:08,232
'Cause I know that
somewhere in there deep down
168
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:09,734
is my innocent little brother
169
00:06:09,768 --> 00:06:11,735
just waiting to be let out.
170
00:06:11,769 --> 00:06:13,071
And who knows?
171
00:06:13,105 --> 00:06:14,672
Maybe you'll wanna stay a kid
forever.
172
00:06:14,706 --> 00:06:17,675
That's a bulletproof vest.
Yeah.
173
00:06:21,385 --> 00:06:22,919
Jeremy.
174
00:06:22,953 --> 00:06:24,821
You have to understand,
the whole fun of bumper cars
175
00:06:24,855 --> 00:06:26,454
is to bump cars.
176
00:06:26,488 --> 00:06:27,888
You can't get out of your car
177
00:06:27,923 --> 00:06:29,557
and stab the other guy
with a house key.
178
00:06:29,591 --> 00:06:31,125
Yeah, but he disrespected me.
179
00:06:31,159 --> 00:06:32,559
He bumped me from behind.
180
00:06:32,594 --> 00:06:35,762
I didn't mean
to disrespect you, Jeremy.
181
00:06:35,797 --> 00:06:38,662
What can I get you guys?
182
00:06:38,697 --> 00:06:40,731
Uh, I would like
one coffee, black.
183
00:06:40,766 --> 00:06:42,366
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
184
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,168
Kids don't drink black coffee.
185
00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:45,936
We'll have three suicides,
please.
186
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:48,704
Ooh, big boy drinks.
187
00:06:48,738 --> 00:06:51,673
So, uh, who's tappin' that?
188
00:06:51,707 --> 00:06:54,108
Tappin'?
What's that mean?
189
00:06:54,143 --> 00:06:55,810
Hey, Jeremy,
190
00:06:55,844 --> 00:06:57,409
I don't know if dad's had
the talk with you yet.
191
00:06:57,444 --> 00:06:58,844
I'd be willing to have the talk
anytime...
192
00:06:58,878 --> 00:07:01,846
No? Great.
193
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,748
- Do you... do you want me
to give you the talk?
194
00:07:03,782 --> 00:07:07,016
- No.
- I'll have the talk.
195
00:07:07,050 --> 00:07:09,685
Three suicides.
196
00:07:09,719 --> 00:07:12,287
Wow, you guys
are real grown-ups.
197
00:07:12,321 --> 00:07:13,888
- What are these?
- You kidding?
198
00:07:13,923 --> 00:07:15,156
They're suicides.
199
00:07:15,190 --> 00:07:17,023
Every soda in the house
in one cup.
200
00:07:17,058 --> 00:07:19,793
It's... it's delicious
and disgusting at the same time.
201
00:07:19,827 --> 00:07:22,662
Mm, kind of like [Bleep].
202
00:07:22,696 --> 00:07:24,897
Is there anything else
I can get you guys?
203
00:07:24,931 --> 00:07:26,364
Actually, Meg, uh,
204
00:07:26,397 --> 00:07:28,031
there's seven things that
I would love.
205
00:07:28,065 --> 00:07:30,033
They're all numbers and
they have to do with your phone.
206
00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:31,800
- Oh...
Are you hitting on me?
207
00:07:31,835 --> 00:07:33,435
No way. No way.
208
00:07:33,469 --> 00:07:35,637
I'm just a kid being a kid,
right, Josh?
209
00:07:35,671 --> 00:07:37,371
But on my 18th birthday,
210
00:07:37,405 --> 00:07:38,972
I would love to see
your expression
211
00:07:39,007 --> 00:07:40,640
when you wake up to the feel
of thousand-thread count
212
00:07:40,675 --> 00:07:42,943
cotton sheets
in a beachside suite in Fiji.
213
00:07:42,977 --> 00:07:46,511
It would be a birthday gift
we would share.
214
00:07:46,546 --> 00:07:48,780
Aw, poor little guy.
215
00:07:48,814 --> 00:07:51,048
Here comes his first rejection.
216
00:07:51,083 --> 00:07:53,084
Ooh, and it's written.
217
00:07:53,118 --> 00:07:56,152
Cold.
218
00:07:56,187 --> 00:07:59,188
Talk to you in five years.
219
00:07:59,222 --> 00:08:03,224
Oh, and, uh, Meg.
I'll pay for these.
220
00:08:03,258 --> 00:08:05,259
This isn't the number
she gave me.
221
00:08:05,294 --> 00:08:08,494
When I dial,
it's dogs barking jingle bells.
222
00:08:08,528 --> 00:08:10,262
It's $3 a call.
223
00:08:10,297 --> 00:08:11,530
It's getting expensive.
224
00:08:11,565 --> 00:08:13,499
You know what you need?
225
00:08:13,533 --> 00:08:16,434
Friends your own age
to hang out with.
226
00:08:16,469 --> 00:08:19,370
Let me borrow your keys.
227
00:08:19,405 --> 00:08:20,905
With a van like Glenn's,
228
00:08:20,940 --> 00:08:24,341
I can round up
four or five kids in no time.
229
00:08:27,044 --> 00:08:29,845
Glenn.
I need a favor.
230
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,714
Uh...What type of favor?
231
00:08:32,748 --> 00:08:34,649
Relax.
232
00:08:34,683 --> 00:08:35,983
Since Carl's got me
on lockdown,
233
00:08:36,018 --> 00:08:38,151
I need somebody to sort of
step in
234
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,352
and help with
the day-to-day operations.
235
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:41,687
I don't know, Jeremy.
236
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:43,855
Josh wants you
living like a kid.
237
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,857
Glenn, Glenn.
238
00:08:45,891 --> 00:08:47,491
It be a real shame
if your mom found out
239
00:08:47,525 --> 00:08:49,292
what happened in ocean city
last summer.
240
00:08:49,327 --> 00:08:50,760
Okay, I'll do it.
241
00:08:50,795 --> 00:08:53,062
All right,
this guy's a little bitch.
242
00:08:53,096 --> 00:08:55,998
He's gonna cry, give excuses,
243
00:08:56,032 --> 00:08:58,465
tell you a sob story
about how he's broke.
244
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:01,201
But I need you to be hard.
245
00:09:01,235 --> 00:09:02,835
You need to be hard-boiled.
246
00:09:02,869 --> 00:09:04,670
- I can be hard-boiled?
[clears throat]
247
00:09:04,704 --> 00:09:06,238
- That doesn't sound
hard-boiled.
248
00:09:06,272 --> 00:09:08,039
- I can be hard-boiled.
249
00:09:08,073 --> 00:09:09,573
All right, Glenn.
250
00:09:09,607 --> 00:09:11,708
All right.
251
00:09:13,643 --> 00:09:16,977
How can I put this
in the simplest of terms?
252
00:09:17,011 --> 00:09:18,911
You owe money.
253
00:09:18,946 --> 00:09:20,379
I'm here to collect.
254
00:09:20,414 --> 00:09:21,547
I've got the money.
255
00:09:21,581 --> 00:09:22,881
I just don't have it per se.
256
00:09:22,915 --> 00:09:25,016
Listen, I've heard it all
before.
257
00:09:25,051 --> 00:09:26,950
I'm not your therapist,
I'm not your friend.
258
00:09:26,985 --> 00:09:29,186
- You are my friend.
- Let me finish.
259
00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:31,221
I'm not your wife,
I'm not your dog,
260
00:09:31,255 --> 00:09:32,888
I'm not a friendly
wood cutout of a chef
261
00:09:32,923 --> 00:09:34,223
in front of a cafe.
262
00:09:34,257 --> 00:09:36,757
I'm a bag man.
A messenger.
263
00:09:36,791 --> 00:09:38,925
And my one-word message
is this.
264
00:09:38,959 --> 00:09:40,426
Pain.
265
00:09:40,461 --> 00:09:42,728
Damn.
You're scary, Glenn.
266
00:09:42,762 --> 00:09:44,129
- Really?
- Yeah.
267
00:09:44,164 --> 00:09:45,730
Especially when
you were standing over there
268
00:09:45,765 --> 00:09:46,964
on the corner with the shadows
across your face.
269
00:09:46,998 --> 00:09:48,465
It was terrifying.
270
00:09:48,499 --> 00:09:50,433
Yeah. The voice
is based on cookie monster.
271
00:09:50,467 --> 00:09:51,767
Ah...
272
00:09:51,802 --> 00:09:53,401
I'm trying to find
a nice balance
273
00:09:53,436 --> 00:09:54,869
between, like, fear,
but also keep it entertaining.
274
00:09:54,904 --> 00:09:56,404
- I think it was both.
- Should I run it again?
275
00:09:56,437 --> 00:09:58,071
No, no, I get the picture.
276
00:09:58,105 --> 00:10:01,007
Listen, how much did you
borrow from Jeremy, anyway?
277
00:10:01,041 --> 00:10:03,109
$500 in singles.
278
00:10:03,143 --> 00:10:04,410
One positive note?
279
00:10:04,444 --> 00:10:05,844
Making it rain
at a strip club...
280
00:10:05,878 --> 00:10:07,844
Off my bucket list.
281
00:10:07,879 --> 00:10:09,445
Was it fun?
282
00:10:09,479 --> 00:10:11,413
Well, I got trampled
by five women in stripper shoes.
283
00:10:11,448 --> 00:10:13,115
I got a staph infection
in my back
284
00:10:13,149 --> 00:10:15,984
from a high heel puncture,
but overall, yeah,
285
00:10:16,018 --> 00:10:17,818
it was pretty fun.
286
00:10:17,853 --> 00:10:19,253
Listen, Chris,
I don't wanna do this.
287
00:10:19,287 --> 00:10:20,754
Hey, I'm not really
into it, either.
288
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,488
Huh, what are we gonna do?
289
00:10:22,523 --> 00:10:24,257
Well, you gotta buy me
a couple days.
290
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:27,058
Uh, say you found me,
worked me over real good.
291
00:10:27,092 --> 00:10:29,559
Maybe, uh, smacked me around
292
00:10:29,594 --> 00:10:31,261
with a pillowcase of oranges.
293
00:10:31,295 --> 00:10:32,762
You know, no bruises.
294
00:10:32,796 --> 00:10:34,730
- He'll love that.
- I know, I know.
295
00:10:34,765 --> 00:10:36,465
Uh, I begged for my life,
but you wouldn't listen.
296
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:37,933
Then what happened?
297
00:10:37,968 --> 00:10:39,167
Uh, and then I promised
to get the money,
298
00:10:39,202 --> 00:10:41,069
but I skipped town.
Went to Jamaica.
299
00:10:41,103 --> 00:10:43,237
Oh, great. Jamaica.
Uh, where are you staying?
300
00:10:43,271 --> 00:10:45,272
Uh, sandals.
It's all inclusive.
301
00:10:45,306 --> 00:10:46,772
Whenever I lie about
going to Jamaica,
302
00:10:46,806 --> 00:10:48,340
that's where I stay.
303
00:10:48,374 --> 00:10:50,075
- Sounds nice.
- It is.
304
00:10:50,109 --> 00:10:52,977
Based on the website, it is.
305
00:10:53,012 --> 00:10:55,012
[Rock music]
306
00:10:55,047 --> 00:10:57,681
Seriously, guys,
you never get in a van
307
00:10:57,716 --> 00:10:59,049
with a stranger.
308
00:10:59,084 --> 00:11:01,618
What were you thinking?
309
00:11:01,653 --> 00:11:03,186
Especially you, man.
310
00:11:03,221 --> 00:11:04,354
You yelled "shotgun"
311
00:11:04,388 --> 00:11:07,022
as soon as I showed you
chocolate.
312
00:11:07,056 --> 00:11:08,290
Who are they?
313
00:11:08,324 --> 00:11:10,125
These are your new
best friends.
314
00:11:10,159 --> 00:11:11,726
These kids all go to school.
315
00:11:11,761 --> 00:11:13,161
I picked them out
316
00:11:13,195 --> 00:11:14,495
because I thought that
you guys might share
317
00:11:14,530 --> 00:11:16,529
some similar hobbies
and concerns.
318
00:11:16,563 --> 00:11:18,064
I mean, really, Josh?
Look at these kids.
319
00:11:18,098 --> 00:11:19,698
They're barely off the teat.
320
00:11:19,732 --> 00:11:22,000
I feel like a pedophile
hanging out with them.
321
00:11:22,035 --> 00:11:23,435
Just give them a chance.
322
00:11:23,469 --> 00:11:25,503
Come on, guys.
Get in there.
323
00:11:25,538 --> 00:11:27,637
- Hi, I'm Jaden.
- I don't like to be touched.
324
00:11:27,672 --> 00:11:29,072
All right, uh,
make yourselves comfortable.
325
00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:31,007
Sit down.
326
00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:34,009
So, um, what do you guys
like to talk about?
327
00:11:34,044 --> 00:11:36,044
That whole bank reform thing
is a load of crap, huh?
328
00:11:36,079 --> 00:11:37,211
What?
329
00:11:37,245 --> 00:11:39,013
Wait, are you liberals?
330
00:11:39,047 --> 00:11:42,215
So...
You're Jeremy's friends.
331
00:11:42,249 --> 00:11:44,617
Yeah, dad, I'd like you
to meet Jaden and, uh,
332
00:11:44,651 --> 00:11:46,352
big guy
and friend number three.
333
00:11:46,386 --> 00:11:47,986
Wow, colorful nicknames.
334
00:11:48,020 --> 00:11:49,854
They used to call me
green beans.
335
00:11:49,888 --> 00:11:52,023
Yeah, these guys, they're just
here to hang out, you know, dad?
336
00:11:52,057 --> 00:11:53,724
We have a lot of homework
to do.
337
00:11:53,759 --> 00:11:55,126
Oral reports are due tomorrow.
338
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,859
Hey, you wanna go back
in the van?
339
00:11:56,894 --> 00:12:00,029
Have fun, fellas.
340
00:12:00,063 --> 00:12:01,697
But, uh, stay out of trouble.
341
00:12:04,634 --> 00:12:06,234
Look at our boys.
342
00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:09,236
And you, proud lion.
343
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,738
Staring out over your cubs
protective and majestic.
344
00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:13,472
[Laughs]
Yeah, it feels pretty good.
345
00:12:13,507 --> 00:12:16,507
They grow older
and they play and they spar.
346
00:12:16,541 --> 00:12:18,175
They're jockeying for
the attentions
347
00:12:18,209 --> 00:12:19,576
of the Alpha male.
348
00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:21,477
Yeah, I think Jeremy's
got the edge.
349
00:12:21,511 --> 00:12:24,580
Yeah, then one day,
as you age and weaken
350
00:12:24,614 --> 00:12:28,515
and they get stronger,
one of them's going to attack.
351
00:12:28,549 --> 00:12:30,684
It's gonna bite you
at the base of your neck
352
00:12:30,718 --> 00:12:33,019
and separate your spine
from your head.
353
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:36,088
And bring you the sweet relief
of death.
354
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:38,389
Good lord, Linda.
355
00:12:38,423 --> 00:12:40,290
That is dark.
356
00:12:40,325 --> 00:12:41,591
Oh, relax.
357
00:12:41,626 --> 00:12:43,026
It's probably not gonna happen.
358
00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:45,161
[Roars softly]
359
00:12:47,697 --> 00:12:51,598
- Okay, guys, I've prepared
an age-appropriate activity.
360
00:12:51,633 --> 00:12:54,401
I'm not going to be
playing doctor with you guys.
361
00:12:54,435 --> 00:12:55,702
No.
362
00:12:55,736 --> 00:12:57,636
It's called settlers of catan,
363
00:12:57,670 --> 00:12:59,538
and it's amazing.
364
00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:01,773
You build roads,
and if you have extra bricks
365
00:13:01,808 --> 00:13:03,208
you get to trade them
for wheat.
366
00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:05,743
That sounds so cool.
367
00:13:05,777 --> 00:13:07,210
Hey, uh, big guy.
368
00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:09,011
What's happened to
our generation, man?
369
00:13:09,046 --> 00:13:11,713
I mean,
when we have to go to war...
370
00:13:11,748 --> 00:13:15,617
And we will...
We're screwed.
371
00:13:15,651 --> 00:13:17,784
Let's make a pact
to share wool.
372
00:13:17,819 --> 00:13:19,352
I'm gonna be a wheat farmer.
373
00:13:19,387 --> 00:13:21,421
Get your own thing.
I call wheat farmer.
374
00:13:21,455 --> 00:13:23,690
- But I called wheat farmer.
- I'm older. I'm older. Shut up.
375
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:29,704
How's your dinner?
376
00:13:29,705 --> 00:13:31,529
Linda.
This is breakfast.
377
00:13:31,564 --> 00:13:32,829
You think it's yesterday.
378
00:13:32,863 --> 00:13:36,030
Seems like one long day
to me.
379
00:13:36,064 --> 00:13:37,597
- It's a 96-hour day,
Linda.
380
00:13:37,631 --> 00:13:39,030
Long.
381
00:13:39,064 --> 00:13:41,597
You know,
I think Jeremy's lockdown
382
00:13:41,631 --> 00:13:43,197
is going pretty well.
383
00:13:43,232 --> 00:13:44,497
I love his group of friends.
384
00:13:44,531 --> 00:13:46,097
That's just the core group,
though.
385
00:13:46,132 --> 00:13:48,697
We're gonna build it out,
get a Hispanic guy,
386
00:13:48,732 --> 00:13:50,097
maybe a Chinese.
387
00:13:50,132 --> 00:13:51,698
Oh, probably, like,
an enormous black kid
388
00:13:51,732 --> 00:13:53,398
who's really good at football.
389
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:54,765
Just check off every box.
390
00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:56,332
You know,
really round out that crew.
391
00:13:56,366 --> 00:13:59,498
Maybe I've been too hard
on Jeremy.
392
00:13:59,533 --> 00:14:01,766
He's a good kid.
You're welcome.
393
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,166
I blame you for
this whole thing.
394
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,233
You egged me on,
you got me all worked up.
395
00:14:05,268 --> 00:14:07,567
We never had any problem
with Jeremy until you showed up.
396
00:14:07,601 --> 00:14:09,034
Oh, I feel horrible.
397
00:14:09,068 --> 00:14:11,068
Damn it, he is down
at that school right now
398
00:14:11,103 --> 00:14:13,802
about to give an oral report
with his speech impediment.
399
00:14:13,837 --> 00:14:15,569
Kids can be so cruel.
400
00:14:15,603 --> 00:14:16,770
- Yeah,
but I bet his friends...
401
00:14:16,804 --> 00:14:19,270
- Oh, shut your piehole,
four eyes.
402
00:14:19,305 --> 00:14:21,205
I'm going down to that school.
403
00:14:21,239 --> 00:14:23,572
Yeah, to apologize
and to show some support.
404
00:14:23,606 --> 00:14:25,206
I don't think
that's necessary.
405
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,306
It is necessary.
406
00:14:27,340 --> 00:14:28,672
Oh...
407
00:14:28,707 --> 00:14:31,174
Thank God your mom
is finally taking
408
00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:32,974
the proper dosage of medication
409
00:14:33,008 --> 00:14:34,375
to rest in her secret garden
410
00:14:34,408 --> 00:14:37,575
and not be a witness
to any of this.
411
00:14:37,609 --> 00:14:39,442
Stay away from
the hooded beast.
412
00:14:39,477 --> 00:14:42,510
Bye, sweet angel.
413
00:14:46,645 --> 00:14:49,377
Jeremy, it's me.
414
00:14:49,412 --> 00:14:51,144
How many of these stupid
things do I have to build?
415
00:14:51,179 --> 00:14:52,678
Never mind all that.
416
00:14:52,712 --> 00:14:54,378
Dad's on his way
to your school right now.
417
00:14:54,413 --> 00:14:55,778
Why?
418
00:14:55,813 --> 00:14:57,145
He thinks you're giving
an oral report.
419
00:14:57,179 --> 00:14:58,445
Who gave him that idea?
420
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,879
I might have.
Jaden might have.
421
00:14:59,914 --> 00:15:01,313
Probably that kid Jaden, right?
422
00:15:01,347 --> 00:15:03,047
It doesn't matter.
423
00:15:03,081 --> 00:15:04,313
All that's important
is that we get to your school
424
00:15:04,348 --> 00:15:05,580
before dad gets there.
425
00:15:05,615 --> 00:15:07,615
So, um, what do I do
with this thing?
426
00:15:07,649 --> 00:15:09,381
- Can I have it?
- Yeah.
427
00:15:09,415 --> 00:15:11,115
Thank you.
Let's go.
428
00:15:11,149 --> 00:15:14,350
[Rock music]
429
00:15:14,384 --> 00:15:15,616
Well, frankly, I didn't think
430
00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:17,883
you looked anything
like your photo.
431
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,883
I told you,
I used to be more blonde.
432
00:15:19,917 --> 00:15:21,517
Technically, not a lie.
433
00:15:21,551 --> 00:15:24,284
I'm just saying a hundred pounds
is, you know...
434
00:15:24,318 --> 00:15:27,084
I'm giving you a lot of leeway.
435
00:15:27,118 --> 00:15:30,718
Sure. I'll meet again.
436
00:15:30,752 --> 00:15:32,018
Uh, I gotta go.
437
00:15:32,052 --> 00:15:33,585
Olive garden at 6:00.
See you there.
438
00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:34,920
I've got something for you.
439
00:15:34,954 --> 00:15:36,887
Oh, God.
440
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,420
Found it sticking out of
your windshield.
441
00:15:38,454 --> 00:15:40,253
[Sighs]
442
00:15:40,288 --> 00:15:42,287
Goddamn girls' softball team.
I failed their best hitter.
443
00:15:42,321 --> 00:15:44,186
By the look of
your quarter panels,
444
00:15:44,221 --> 00:15:45,487
she's got
a pretty sweet swing too.
445
00:15:45,522 --> 00:15:46,787
Yeah.
446
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,287
Hey, Jeremy knows
you're in town.
447
00:15:48,321 --> 00:15:49,986
He called sandals.
Oh, wow, he's good.
448
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:51,420
Yeah.
449
00:15:51,454 --> 00:15:52,886
What are we gonna do?
450
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,819
Plan "b."
I really go to Jamaica.
451
00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:56,486
How about me?
452
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,120
You can come with me.
453
00:15:58,154 --> 00:15:59,454
I know the night manager
at sandals.
454
00:15:59,488 --> 00:16:00,954
He'll get us jobs as masseuses.
455
00:16:00,989 --> 00:16:02,989
We'll only work on women,
no dudes.
456
00:16:03,023 --> 00:16:04,855
Ah.
457
00:16:04,889 --> 00:16:06,389
I don't know why I hadn't
thought of this plan before.
458
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:07,956
Hey, I know deep tissue
and shiatsu.
459
00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:09,622
I learned it in prison.
460
00:16:09,657 --> 00:16:11,056
I'm actually preferring this
to our lives right now.
461
00:16:11,090 --> 00:16:12,290
Yeah. It sounds great.
462
00:16:12,324 --> 00:16:14,458
Ah, well,
there goes that dream.
463
00:16:14,492 --> 00:16:16,291
I need your help.
464
00:16:16,325 --> 00:16:18,192
My dad's on his way here
right now.
465
00:16:18,226 --> 00:16:19,926
Can you pretend Jeremy's
in your class?
466
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,693
Why not?
467
00:16:21,727 --> 00:16:23,792
He'll just be another face
in a sea of blank stares.
468
00:16:23,827 --> 00:16:27,026
You're doing me a solid.
I'm calling Glenn off.
469
00:16:27,061 --> 00:16:29,460
- Really?
- Yeah. We're square.
470
00:16:29,494 --> 00:16:31,227
Oh, God.
471
00:16:31,261 --> 00:16:34,160
- Don't start crying.
- But I do wanna cry.
472
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:35,894
How was Jamaica?
473
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:37,227
No, no, we're good.
474
00:16:37,261 --> 00:16:39,060
Oh, thank God.
475
00:16:39,094 --> 00:16:41,293
Okay, uh, everyone,
listen up.
476
00:16:41,328 --> 00:16:42,560
Um...
[clears throat]
477
00:16:42,594 --> 00:16:44,127
This is Jeremy.
478
00:16:44,161 --> 00:16:46,894
He has been attending
this school his whole life.
479
00:16:46,928 --> 00:16:48,461
Uh, also, he has a lisp.
480
00:16:48,495 --> 00:16:50,796
So the speech he's about to give
is a miracle.
481
00:16:50,830 --> 00:16:52,230
Act like it.
482
00:16:52,264 --> 00:16:53,764
Here, you can read
this kid's report.
483
00:16:53,798 --> 00:16:55,464
He's a nerd.
Hey, that's mine.
484
00:16:55,498 --> 00:16:56,832
Okay, I'm telling
the principal
485
00:16:56,866 --> 00:16:57,966
I caught you with weed.
486
00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,367
It is up to you how much.
487
00:16:59,401 --> 00:17:02,233
A loose joint, dime bag.
Your call, hotshot.
488
00:17:02,268 --> 00:17:03,599
That's what I thought.
489
00:17:03,634 --> 00:17:04,966
Here comes dad.
490
00:17:05,001 --> 00:17:07,133
This sucks.
Who taught him this crap?
491
00:17:07,168 --> 00:17:08,334
I did.
492
00:17:08,369 --> 00:17:12,133
I'll wing it.
493
00:17:12,168 --> 00:17:15,067
Alphonse Capone broke out of
the immigrant slums
494
00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:17,734
of Brooklyn, new York,
and traveled to Chicago.
495
00:17:17,769 --> 00:17:20,302
Even at a young age,
he looked for opportunity
496
00:17:20,337 --> 00:17:21,703
where others saw none.
497
00:17:21,737 --> 00:17:24,471
While others were weak,
he was strong.
498
00:17:24,505 --> 00:17:26,908
While others slept
in their beds and couches
499
00:17:26,943 --> 00:17:30,178
Capone worked the streets
to, in his words,
500
00:17:30,212 --> 00:17:32,144
"satisfy a public demand."
501
00:17:32,179 --> 00:17:34,575
Al Capone lived
the American dream.
502
00:17:34,610 --> 00:17:37,074
But I wonder,
did he ever wish he could
503
00:17:37,109 --> 00:17:38,707
trade it all in
for a normal life?
504
00:17:38,741 --> 00:17:42,040
A life of riding bikes,
going to school,
505
00:17:42,074 --> 00:17:44,507
playing board games
about wheat and bricks...
506
00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:47,408
You know what?
507
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:50,174
I bet he did.
I bet he did.
508
00:17:50,209 --> 00:17:54,642
[Applause]
509
00:17:54,676 --> 00:17:56,975
That was great, son.
510
00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:59,076
You know, once you got going,
your lisp went away.
511
00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:00,376
Why, thanks, dad.
512
00:18:00,411 --> 00:18:02,376
Oh, it's good
to be disappointed
513
00:18:02,410 --> 00:18:04,410
in only one of my sons again.
514
00:18:04,445 --> 00:18:06,044
And why is that
the happy ending here?
515
00:18:09,371 --> 00:18:11,035
Hey, Glenn, I called sandals
516
00:18:11,069 --> 00:18:12,999
and proposed our masseuse idea.
517
00:18:13,034 --> 00:18:14,765
I told him how you learned
in jail
518
00:18:14,798 --> 00:18:17,265
and that I had a slow hand
and an easy touch.
519
00:18:17,299 --> 00:18:18,699
Oh, yeah, what did they say?
520
00:18:18,733 --> 00:18:20,599
Well, he asked me
to explain it again.
521
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,299
And then he asked me
to explain it a third time.
522
00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:24,498
Long story short,
I think I had phone sex
523
00:18:24,532 --> 00:18:27,796
with a guy in Jamaica.
524
00:18:27,830 --> 00:18:29,762
Hey, where are you going?
525
00:18:29,796 --> 00:18:32,294
As far as you're concerned,
to get a glass of milk.
526
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:33,925
What about al Capone,
527
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,258
how he wanted to trade it all in
for a normal life?
528
00:18:36,292 --> 00:18:39,489
He also died of syphilis.
Not exactly a great role model.
529
00:18:39,522 --> 00:18:42,087
Well, hey.
530
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,952
If you ever wanna do
some more normal kid stuff,
531
00:18:44,986 --> 00:18:47,350
it was kind of fun
after all, wasn't it?
532
00:18:47,385 --> 00:18:49,183
Actually,
I'm going over to Jaden's
533
00:18:49,217 --> 00:18:51,082
to play some settlers of catan.
534
00:18:51,116 --> 00:18:53,513
- Really?
- Yeah.
535
00:18:53,548 --> 00:18:57,411
$50 a settlement,
$200 buy-in.
536
00:18:57,445 --> 00:19:00,276
Hey, if you wanna roll with,
you can.
537
00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:03,107
No, thanks,
that's too rich for my blood.
538
00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:05,005
I'd better stay here.
539
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,838
That was your one invitation
to hang with me.
540
00:19:06,872 --> 00:19:08,337
You won't get another one.
541
00:19:08,372 --> 00:19:10,336
But, hey, thanks, guys.
542
00:19:12,202 --> 00:19:13,768
All right, come on, you bums,
543
00:19:13,801 --> 00:19:15,433
get the hell out of here.
Linda's asleep.
544
00:19:15,467 --> 00:19:17,798
Come on, come on,
one foot in front of the other.
545
00:19:17,832 --> 00:19:20,263
Good night.
546
00:19:20,298 --> 00:19:21,763
- Good night.
- Good night.
547
00:19:21,798 --> 00:19:23,328
Bye, Mr. f.
548
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:25,727
Don't let the door
hit you on the way out.
549
00:19:29,658 --> 00:19:31,089
Good night, Josh.
550
00:19:31,123 --> 00:19:33,221
Good night, dad.
551
00:19:39,283 --> 00:19:41,581
And good night, Jeremy.
552
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,876
Lots of people think
you don't really exist.
553
00:19:47,911 --> 00:19:50,974
I don't really think
you exist either.
554
00:19:51,008 --> 00:19:53,305
But you're here,
and you're a good listener.
555
00:19:53,339 --> 00:19:58,101
I have had some hallucinations
who are real pricks.
556
00:19:58,136 --> 00:20:00,567
So Valerie had French fries
557
00:20:00,601 --> 00:20:02,798
and she said they were only
three points in her diet.
558
00:20:02,832 --> 00:20:05,462
She knows darn well that
French fries are eight points.
559
00:20:05,497 --> 00:20:08,894
See, even you know,
and you're a hooded beast.
560
00:20:08,928 --> 00:20:12,325
You should have some of
my diet pills.
561
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:13,857
Don't take too many,
562
00:20:13,892 --> 00:20:16,055
or else you'll see
a hooded beast.
563
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,189
Say ah.
564
00:20:17,223 --> 00:20:18,354
Oh.
[laughs]
565
00:20:18,389 --> 00:20:21,619
How do you stay so thin,
anyway?
566
00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:23,551
I mean, granted,
the cloak is very slimming,
567
00:20:23,586 --> 00:20:25,716
but you're thin.
568
00:20:25,751 --> 00:20:27,350
I think you look fabulous.
569
00:20:27,384 --> 00:20:29,548
I hope I look as good as you do
570
00:20:29,583 --> 00:20:31,280
when I'm 3,000 years old.
571
00:20:31,315 --> 00:20:33,014
- Hmm.
- [chuckles]
572
00:20:33,048 --> 00:20:35,877
I can't believe
I was ever afraid of you.
573
00:20:35,912 --> 00:20:38,840
[Romantic music]
574
00:20:38,873 --> 00:20:47,000
♪ ♪
575
00:20:51,230 --> 00:20:53,094
♪ Dee Dee, Dee Dee Dee Dee ♪
576
00:20:53,129 --> 00:20:55,026
♪ duh, duh duh duh duh ♪ good!
577
00:20:55,529 --> 00:21:01,030
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com
41180
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