All language subtitles for the-hustle-2019-720p-1080p-bluray-x264-drones

Hey, man. Can I get
two vodka sodas, please?

Sure.

Thank you.
You know what?

Go ahead and keep that
for yourself, all right?

Thanks, man.

Yeah, I can't wait
to meet you, too, Madison.

Aw, those babies are legit.

Jeremy?

Uh, no, sorry.

But this is you,
isn't it?

Well, yeah...

But you can't be...
Yeah, Madison.

Yeah, I am.

Joke! Oh, my God.

You should see your face.
Oh, my God.

- No, obviously, I'm not her. No.
- Okay. Oh, man.

'Course I'm not Madison.
Thank Christ!

Because, honestly, I was
shitting myself there.

- I mean, no offense.
- None taken.

It's really risky
meeting people online.

You never know if people are
gonna be as ugly on the outside

as they are
on the inside.

Yeah, right, exactly.
Yeah.

I'm sorry, is Madison
on her way?

No, no, no.
Madison's not coming.

What? Why?

Well, she sent me to see if
you were truly in love with her,

and clearly you're not,
so goodbye, Jeremy.

Wait! No, no,
no, wait.

Of course I love her.

I have been texting with her
for, like, a frigging month!

This is the girl that I'm
gonna let keep my babies,

and I will pay her
her due child support.

I will visit every
other weekend,

and say hi to the kids and put 'em
on my lap and whatever you do, okay?

That is how much I love
her. I swear to Christ!

But can you love
her birth defect?

'Course I can.

I mean, it's on
the inside, right?

Like, it's in her brain
or in her heart?

When Madison was born,
she was born with A cups.

- No, but her photos, they...
- Yeah.

What you're looking at
there is expert contouring

and well-placed
chicken cutlets.

She's really a double-A, if I'm
gonna be, like, honest with you.

A triple-A
in some brands.

Basically, if her tits were
batteries, they'd go into a watch.

That's why she didn't wanna come
here and meet you in real life.

Well, not until she has
the boob job, anyways.

Wait, she's getting
a boob job?

When is that
happening, then?

In a year.

A year?

Well, silicone doesn't
just grow on trees.

She has to save up.

Well, how much
does she need?

Just, like, $300.

$500 if she's gonna
go full bouncy castle.

Okay.

You know what?

Tell her I'll give
her the $500.

I just want her
to be happy.

That is so
selfless of you.

- I know.
- Do you prefer Venmo or PayPal?

Venmo's fine.

That's her! The fake tit-job bitch!

Get her!

- I needed a new scene anyway.
- She stole my money, man!

Move! Out of my way,
come on!

Hey, where do I send
the money?

Go!

Hey, stop that woman!

Hey, you! Stop!

Go after her! Quick!

You let her
get away!

Well, at least we didn't
give her $500 first! Idiot.

Trashy dress,
you did it again.

Hmm.

Begone! You French women are bad luck!

And shave your
armpits. Please.

Well, come on,
deal again!

Our apologies, monsieur,
but you are out of credit.

Hold on,
I may have a solution.

How's this for credit?

It's beautiful,
monsieur.

But I cannot accept it.

Why the hell not?

I'm afraid...

Rumor has it that
you are selling

your wife's jewels to
bankroll your gambling debts.

That is an
outrageous slur!

Hey. Whiskey.

- Excuse me?
- Excuse me?

How much are
the red ones worth?

One thousand.

And the blue ones?

Five thousand.

I love that game with the wheel
and the ball and the numbers.

I don't even really
know how to play.

Hello.

Hello.

My name is Mathias Albrecht von
Rüdiger der Klein-Strogen...

And you are?

Janet.
Janet.

What an enchanting name.

You're American, yes?

Yes.
I'm Danish.

Like the pastry?

Yeah. Yeah.

So, what brings you
to the South of France?

An airplane.

Yes, and why
are you here?

Oh. Well...

I thought I would
treat myself.

I just won some
money in the lottery.

Wow. How much
did you win?

$87 million!

I'm sorry,
I don't speak foreign.

Janet...

I have something in my pants
that I think you're going to like.

Ew.
No, no, no.

This.
Oh.

This belonged
to my dear mama.

May I?
Yes.

Sadly, I have to sell it,

'cause it reminds me
too much of her.

Is it valuable?

It's very valuable, yes.
$500,000.

I like it
'cause it's shiny.

And you're in luck.
It's for sale.

That's crazy. I...

Do I have enough here?

How much is this worth?

That is a coaster.

And sadly,
no, you don't.

But maybe you could pay the
difference in another way?

I have a 9:00
dinner reservation.

As do I.

Well, I have my reputation to think of.

As do I.

I have a boyfriend.

As do I.

Freeze!

Inspector Desjardins of
Beaumont-Sur-Mer police. Get up.

Okay. Who sent you?
My wife?

Do you take bribes?

Not you. Her.

She is under arrest.
What?

Those chips were stolen
from this pathetic old man.

This woman is an
international con artist.

No, no, no. She's just a dumb American.

No, it's true.

She lured this man

with the promise of
a private performance

of her college
gymnastics routine.

Here.

Now, give back
the bracelet.

It would take an expert
to spot the fake.

Or his wife.

Thank you, Albert...

For everything.

Excellent research, Brigitte.
The mark was perfect.

As you always say...

"You can't cheat an honest man."

Now, I have a buyer
in Zurich,

so I shall see you in
a few days. Au revoir.

Sorry. Comin' through.

I'll take
the filet mignon.

Very good, sir.

Is this seat taken?

I'm starving.

I could murder a triple
cheeseburger right now.

Or...

I'll just get a glass
of water, please.

- Is that all, madam?
- Yeah, that's it.

I'll just help myself
to the sugar packets.

They're free, right?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

Mmm.

That'll fill me up.

I have to save all my money
'cause I'm here to find my sister.

This is her.

That is your sister?
Half-sister.

But we're like sisters.

- What's happened to her?
- She's been taken.

Taken? Like...

Like by men who
sell hot white virgins

to evil, bearded
kajillionaires on yachts.

Really?
The whole irony is...

It was her friend she was with
who was the massive slut. Tiffany.

Tiffany is the slut?

So, I roughed up these guys,
and they said to me,

"Premium-grade Australian
meat on auction tomorrow."

That fits my sister's description
perfectly, don't you think?

Yes.

So, I'm gonna get on that
boat and buy her back.

Look, I am very moved
by your story.

Order anything you like.
No, no, no.

Please, no?
No!

Please, no?
No, I couldn't.

Please, I insist.

I'll have a club sandwich, and an
order of fries, order of onion rings.

I'll take the shrimp cocktail.
Is that good? How fresh is it?

What's the soup of the day?
Is it cold? 'Cause, ew, gross.

That's disgusting.
Why have cold soup?

Just give me
a Caesar salad.

And then two slices of cake.

Do you want any cake?
No.

Three slices of cake
and a Diet Coke.

Thank you.

Will this be
satisfactory, miss?

Yes, this will do.

Once again, I apologize for
the flickering lights in coach.

Epilepsy is
a cruel mistress.

Thank you.

Hey.

Hello.

Forgive me,
but I couldn't help

but overhear your
conversation in the dining car.

My condolences.
Hmm?

About your sister's
treacherous predicament.

Oh. She'll be all right.

Do you mind
if I ask how long

your sister's been
held against her will?

Listen...
Josephine Chesterfield.

Penny Rust.

Delighted.

Eh, what's up?

Listen, I think this is
gonna be a really long ride,

and clearly you're, like,
an exhausting person.

So, I'm just gonna say this.

I don't even have a sister.

Are you saying
you lied to that man?

I don't wanna
say it too loudly.

I'm a con artist.

I con.

But that man was so kind to
you, and he bought your dinner.

Only after I showed him
a picture of a hot chick.

See, women have feelings.

So, like, you just
had sympathy or pity or...

I don't know,
the other feeling.

And men see that quality
in us and exploit us.

So, all I'm doin'
is, like...

Put that thing down,
flip it and reverse it

And then I'm now
exploiting them.

Are there many
women in your industry?

Sisters in arms,
as it were?

Well, not at
my level, no.

Yes, clearly you're in
a class of your own.

Uh, except, of course
there's Medusa.

Oh? She's like the O.G. lady con artist.

People say she could freeze a
man's assets with just one look.

Well,

my horizons have certainly
been expanded this evening.

Where will the wind
take you next?

I'm going to this town
on the Med...

Beaumont-Sur-Mer.

Get this, apparently it's
crawling with rich dudes.

Well, I'm afraid
you've been misinformed.

You see, I live in
Beaumont-Sur-Mer,

and I think you'll find
it's a lesbian community.

Really?

Yes. Honestly, you'd do better
staying on to Portofino.

Well, maybe I could
work a woman.

I don't know how you...

Yeah, I could give it a go.

But isn't your philosophy
based on exploiting men?

Penny? Penny.

Sorry, were you... Sorry.

I was just playing
this game on my phone.

Yes, of course.

I just have to call my mothers to
let them know what time to expect me.

Please.

So, do you have
a car here?

I do.

Great. Do you mind if I,
like, scab a lift off you?

What?

You leaving the
party already?

Afraid so. Cheerio.

Penny?

Did you say Portofino
was the next stop?

Yo, Portofino is going
to be turnt!

Ooh!

What?

I don't know what
you just said, but...

The answer is oui.

How was last night?

It was all I could arrange
on such short notice.

Jean and Lil Baguette
were perfect.

May I ask the reason
for their involvement?

I encountered
a sort of pale gypsy,

who thought herself
something of a grifter.

Surely, she was
no match for you?

One can never be
too careful, Brigitte.

A poacher who shoots at
rabbits may scare big game away.

Speaking of...

Next, we have
Gregor Gregorsky.

Made his fortune
in office supplies...

Married four times.

He's a romantic.

And he should
be arriving...

Now.

Who is that with him?

You must save your beautiful
sister before she is defiled.

I know, 'cause once
she is defiled,

she's, like, less special,
don't you reckon?

Brigitte.

Right away.

Gregor, you have no idea
what this money will do.

Hit it, Marcel!

I'm flying!

Oh, shit!

Ooh!

Merci.

Mmm-hmm.

All right. Let's go,
boys, one more time!

- You want to press charges?
- Da.

Her sister is probably
not even virgin.

He gave me the money!

What laws have
I actually broken?

Contraction.

The stress is not
good for the baby.

Oh, my little baby.

Ooh...

We are a tight-knit community in
Beaumont-Sur-Mer, mademoiselle.

We do not want
your kind here.

But...

Ah, yeah, yeah, right, yeah.

I've heard about
your little community.

And that's...

That's actually
why I came.

To do some,
like, experimenting.

You know...
Ooh.

Ooh...

No, wrong thing.

Inspector?

Don't you think we can
just work something out?

Just between us girls?

I don't date pregnant women.

Wait! Actually,
I know somebody here.

You know someone in
Beaumont-Sur-Mer?

Yeah, yeah.
I bet you'd know her, too.

She's, like, really rich,
really important.

She looks like a librarian's
corpse, only less lively.

She would have
your ass for this.

Oh, I see.

What's her name?

Her name...

Is Joanna.

Regina.

Regina Charleston.

It's Charlotte
Pemberton.

It's Pamela.
It's Pernilla.

Pendy Simmons.

No, wait, it's...

Janet Maxfield. Ah!

Charlotte Josephson.

Josephine Chesterfield?

Yeah, that is her!

We should call her.

Get her on the line.

Tell her to set
me free, please!

Penny, the charges
against you

aren't very serious,

but it appears
Inspector Desjardins

is keeping you here
for your own protection.

From what?

The man you swindled is a prominent
figure of the Russian mafia.

Shit.

If you were to be released, you
would most certainly be killed

or worse.

- Well, there has to be another option!
- One moment.

Penny, what do you have
on you by way of liquidity?

Um...

I think I have a travel-size
K-Y Jelly in my bag.

It's peach-flavored.

Cash, Penny. How much cash
do you have at your disposal?

I have about 10 or 8.
Yeah, $8,000.

That might be enough to get you out
of the country, but you must promise

never ever, under any circumstances,

to come back to
Beaumont-Sur-Mer ever again.

Pinky promise.
Hold on, Penny.

The nightmare
is almost over.

Hey, listen,

I may have been a bit of
a bitch when we first met.

Oh...

And when I talked about
you behind your back.

Hmm?
And when I posted this.

Huh.

But you did me a solid
getting me out of jail.

So, I think you're
a pretty top chick.

Try to be as inconspicuous as possible.

I know it's difficult for you,

but it's better to go
unnoticed by Gregor's henchmen.

Au revoir.

I don't get
what that means.

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is the final
boarding call...

Yo, I'm just gonna
blend in with you guys.

Hey.

Dude! What are you...

You can't just sneak up
on a lady like that.

You're not really my type.

But the pilot's busy, so...

Let's just make
this quick.

I feel like they're
about to serve the meal.

Where is it?
What?

Where is it?

Okay. Nazi Gollum, you're gonna
have to speak more clearly.

Where is it?
What?

I saw you talking
with her in the airport.

Josephine?

Is that her real name?

Are you with her?
Um...

No, I think maybe
the police chick is.

They could just
be friends.

I don't know. It's
hard to tell nowadays.

So, the police woman's
part of it?

Part of what?
The hustle!

Mmm?

She stole my wife's
diamond bracelet!

It's worth half
a million dollars!

Shit the bed.

And now my wife
is filing for divorce.

Are you working
with her or not?

No! No, no.

Uh... Um...

No, I'm actually
working for ASSES.

What?

ASSES? Have you
not heard of that?

It's the Australian
Securities Services

Intelligently Spying.

Don't you mean ASIO?

No.

No, they're wankers.

ASSES.
It's the place to be.

And I'm deep, deep,
deep in ASSES.

I'm trying to bring
her to justice.

Okay, good.
Yeah.

Good. How can I help?

Well, sir, I believe we should
start by having sex as a cover.

What was that?

I have standards.

As do I.

I need to take a nap.

As do I.

I have many STDs, so...

As do I.

Mesdames et messieurs,
please fasten your seat belts.

We are experiencing some
unexpected turbulence.

Whew!

My quads are burning.

Ow. Ow.

Bloody hell! No. Okay.

Yeah.

I'm gonna puke.

No. I'm gonna hold it.
I can hold it.

Penny.
Hello, Janet.

Or should I say...

Medusa?

I am not Medusa.
Really?

Take this to the guestroom,
butlery person.

Okay, I may need to borrow a
toothbrush, leggings, some thongs.

Oh! Some
"going out" thongs.

Do we have a problem?

Ah, Captain Pantsuit,
in on it as well?

All wrapped up in this kebab of lies?

Everything is fine, Brigitte.
You and Albert may go.

Yeah.

Bye, girls.

I'll take my lunch
by the pool!

Just letting you know,
I'm salad intolerant.

What do you want, Penny?

I want this!

Like, look
at this place.

I had no idea how small-time
I was until I met you.

Teach me your
sugar baby ways.

Shape me into something
great and richer.

And why would I do that?

Because who knows?

I could be the partner
you never knew you needed.

No, thanks. I work alone.
Hello?

What about Menswear Barbie
and Old Crone Ken?

They are employees.

Okay. I get it.

But what you're not getting
is that a girl like me

could make it real uncomfortable
for you in this town.

Like a bad case
of the herp.

With the right vitamin
cocktail, you'll go away.

You do know herpes never
goes away, don't you?

Doesn't it?

No.

Seems like you've set up
such deep roots here.

It'd be such a shame for it
to all be seized by Interpol.

It'd just take
one phone call.

Hello, Interpol?

Tell me, Penny,

why are women better
suited to the con than men?

'Cause we're used
to faking it?

It comes down
to one universal truth.

No man will ever believe a
woman is smarter than he is.

We will always be underestimated
and that is what we use.

So, this means you're gonna
teach me, aren't you?

I'm teaching you now.

Yes!

Wait, what was
that last part?

I couldn't hear. You were
talking into the ocean.

What do men want?

Boobs.
No.

Back door.
Front door.

Pegging or, like,
a threesome.

What is it?
What's the answer?

They want to be heroes.

There is nothing more compelling
to a man than a vulnerable woman.

Observe.

Oh, wow. You can
just tear up like that.

You can just balance a tear
right on that lower lid.

And can you make the tear
roll down your cheek?

Oh. Oh. Okay.

But can you make
it go back up?

Now, you try.
Okay.

Are you constipated?
No.

Why all the theatrics?
You're hot. That's enough.

It is not enough.

"Hot" is not a career.

"Hot" will get you gifts and trinkets,
but you must pay for them in other ways.

Sex, Penny.

Lesson two, research.

"The Suburban White Knight."

This one calls
for a basic rescue scam.

A staged drowning and
resuscitation usually fits the bill.

Next, we have "The
Braggadocio on Holiday."

Just wants a story
to tell the boys.

But careful here. He's a
frequent abuser of social media.

What the...

Why the...

Headache! Fuck off.

Finally, you must be
trained for any situation.

One, two...

Surprise!

Hello. How do you do?

Yes, isn't it
a lovely party?

I know.

I have seven houses.

She's ready.

I'm ready?

Yes!

Whoo!

I don't like it.

She represents
everything you despise.

You know, the water
level at the quarry

is higher than normal
this time of year.

They would not find her
body until the spring.

Just say the word or don't
and you maintain your innocence

and I will do it anyway.

Nonsense.

We're taking her in gracefully in
order to get her out gracefully.

Was that the word?

"Gracefully"?

Trust me, Brigitte. It'll
all work out in our favor.

With Penny, we can finally run
the Lord of the Rings play.

You truly believe she is ready
for something so elaborate?

Who's the first mark?

Oh, Howard.

I can't marry you.

Oh...

Now, settle
down, cupcake.

What problem's so big you don't
think Howard Bacon can fix it, huh?

How could you marry
a woman so beneath you?

What are you saying,
snickerdoodle?

You are 63rd in line
to the British throne.

I know, but I'm bankrupt.

The title's all
I have left.

Oh, Howard...

Do you think me a...

Gold digger?

Oh...
Peanut butter cup.

Now, listen here.

We're gonna get married, we're
gonna fly home to Fort Worth.

I'mma introduce you
to my golfing buddies,

and then when I run for Senate,
you're gonna be by my side.

Beautiful and silent.

You're not gonna break my
heart now, are you, sugarbooger?

Oh, Howard.

I'm helpless against your
food-themed endearments.

The only thing you're
gonna have to worry about

is how that Texas humidity's
gonna affect your hair.

My hair looks like this
in any climate, darling.

And Hortense
loves wet heat.

Hortense?

My sister. Didn't I tell you about her?

I couldn't possibly
leave her behind.

Are you telling me
I'm gonna go home

with two princesses
on my arm?

Would you like
to see her?

Oh, lead the way.

If you think me
regal in the least,

wait until you meet
my sweet sister.

I haven't an ounce of the
majesty Hortense possesses.

There are no private
beaches on the Côte d'Azur,

but you put up one sign that
says "toxic waste," et voila!

Granny was so clever.

Your sister
lives in there?

Mmm-hmm. Yes, in her
cozy castle keep.

This way.

Your tetanus is up
to date, yes?

What?

Every royal family has
its black sheep, of course.

But not Hortense and me.

Nanny Gertrude raised us to be
two levelheaded young ladies.

We're so normal,
it's practically boring.

Now remember, at no point
should you turn your back on her.

Because she's royalty?

If you like.

Ah, here we are.

Hortense, I've brought a guest!

I wonder
where she's hiding.

Don't be shy.

I know.

Maybe her subjects
can flush her out.

Ah, there she is!

My only living relative.

Shall we pay
her a visit?

Princess Hortense
of House

Northumberton-
Saxe-Hapsburg,

may I present to
you Howard Bacon.

Uh...

My... my...
My ma'am... Lady.

Sir Bacon, welcome
to thy kingdom.

I have food
for your men,

and water for your
horses and whores.

Oh, Hortense.

She knows you haven't
got any horses.

Lucretia, pour the mead.

Lucretia, you dumb bitch,
don't embarrass me

in front of the guests.

Yes, there is much to
celebrate, beloved sister.

I bring wonderful news.

Howard and I
are to be married.

Really?

You and you?

Hortense.

Hortense, do not
drop that coronet.

Use your words,
not the heirlooms.

Whoops.

Why?

- Why? Why? Die!
- I think I know what this is about.

No!
Don't fret, sissy.

You shan't
be left behind.

You, Howard, and I are going
to live together in Texas.

Texas?

Hurrah!

This calls for a celebration pole dance.

Promise, if anything
should happen to me,

you'll look after her.

- Ooh, I invoke prima nocta.
- Absolutely.

This shall be a traditional
wedding in every respect.

Prima nocta.
Prima nocta! Prima nocta!

What's a prima nocta?

Oh. Once the eldest daughter
consummates her marriage,

it is the second
daughter's divine right,

either to bed the groom
or fight him in a duel.

In either case, your
performance shall be judged

by a panel
of courtiers.

But you don't mind,
do you, darling?

Second sister
gets sloppy seconds

Or you die

Muffin, wedding's off.

But Howard! The ring!
Keep it!

Enrique, do go on.
You were saying

how even though you yourself
have benefited economically

from immigrating
to America,

you don't feel any
additional Guatemalans

should be allowed
into Palm Beach?

Yes, I believe...
Sister! Sister! Sister!

Hortense!
Manners, please!

Is this how we behave
in front of a guest?

Sorry.

Pardon the intrusion, but can
I beg leave to go to the toilet?

Yes, of course,
my turtle dove.

Thank you.

Kind sir, would you
help me with this?

The lock-eth
has rust-eth.

Hortense!

Did I not expressly forbid you from
wearing your virtue panties in the pool?

Albert! She's done it again.

Not the flame!

Release the peasants!

She must mean
"pheasants", yes?

Of course not.

Don't worry, darling.
She's a terrible shot.

Peasant ho!

See?

That was unexpected.

Brigitte, your 20,000.

You just got a lot
more attractive, Bridge.

Albert, your 10.

Still wouldn't
bang you, Albert.

Thank you, all.

What do you mean,
"Thank you, all"?

No, where's my cashola?
Where's my cut?

Where's the big chunk of...
Ah-ah...

To come in to me, of the cash?

The student doesn't earn
wages until after graduation.

When the hell is that?

I've been killing myself playing
Hortense the Feral Princess

while you just prance around,
not having sex with people.

Penny, how much money do
you have? Be honest, now.

$500,000.
Oh.

Good for you. It's an
adorable little nest egg.

All in cash, I presume?

Bitcoin. Why? How
much money do you have?

Hmm? Oh. Assets and
liquidity, 28.32 million.

Okay, I didn't know we were
counting assets and liquidity.

In that case, I have... Still 500,000.

And how do you think I grew
that wealth? By investing wisely.

I've invested
in you, Penny.

And I must see a robust return
before I can share the profits.

But you wouldn't have any
profits if it wasn't for me, okay?

Let's face it, we were a team on this.

Penny, if you want to be like
me, then you're going to...

I don't wanna be like you!
Why would I wanna be like you?

I don't wanna be some loser that
looks like a colorful Beetlejuice.

Oh. Sorry, Julie Andrews just called.
She said she wants her voice back.

We all know you're
actually from Wisconsin

and you stay in this house
eating weird salads

and drinking alcohol that doesn't
get you hammered fast enough.

And you're like,

"Oh, I better check all my
precious stocks on the NASCAR index.

"And, oh, wait,

"let me just collect another
little boy's head

"or another
dinosaur clitoris

"or another little statue
of a..." That's alive.

Yes, that is a Madagascan blue
panther chameleon.

It's one of the last
of its kind.

Oh, is it?
Just like you.

Well, you know what, Jo?

I don't give a crap if
you're a legend in the game.

If you're not gonna pay me for
work that I've actually done,

then I'm out!

Screw you, Medusa!

I'm not Medusa.

And she's gone.

Are you all right, miss?

Is there a doctor
in the house?

Somebody, please, help me!

What are the signs of a
stroke? I can't feel my tits!

Goodness me!

Are you all right, miss?
Are you okay?

She's all right.
Aren't you, sis?

Yeah, I'm feeling so
much better, actually.

Good on you. That's my chuck. Come on.

Come on.
Let's get you up.

- Yeah.
- No worries.

I think it was just
a big burp.

- You enjoy the sun.
- My pleasure.

- What's up, Jo?
- I thought you were leaving, Pen.

I was, and then I just
realized this place is great.

There just isn't room for
both of us in Beaumont-Sur-Mer.

Mmm.
Agree to unagree.

This is my home
and my place of work

and you are a bull
in my china shop.

Well, you don't really
affect my life that much.

Oh, piss off,
you moon-faced troll!

Whoa. Careful there.

People might think you're more
than just an animatronic cocktease.

Okay, come on.

Ow. Arm!

Hands off the merchandise.
I bruise like a peach.

Shall we settle this
with a friendly wager?

Like a turf war? Whoever
wins gets dibs on the town?

Loser leaves for good.

Well, what's the bet?

We choose a man. First to
extract a set sum from him wins.

That sounds like a
party. Yeah, how much?

How about your net worth?
500,000? I'm sorry.

Is that too rich
for your blood?

Are you kidding?

My blood is, like, 98%
white chocolate mousse.

So, I can handle it, yeah.
Who's the mark?

Monsieur?

How about that guy?

He's 12.

Ah. Too young
for your blood?

Guillaume. Is that boy
a guest at the hotel?

Yes,
that is Thomas Westerburg.

He is the inventor
of YaBurnt.

Shut my back door.
What? Why?

What is YaBurnt?

Honestly? Jo, are you,
like, 100 years old?

It's, like, this
really cool app

where it sends all your
friends these disgusting insults

and then they disappear
after 10 seconds.

Why would
anyone want that?

Why would anyone want Christmas, either?

So, he's a tech
millionaire?

Billionaire, I bet.
So, do we have a deal?

One week.
May the best con win.

Hey, do you mind if I
spin the thingy next round?

Okay. That's your job.

Shut up, Thomas.

- Monsieur.
- Yes?

Please place your bets.

No more bets.

Eighteen red.

Sorry, comin' through.

Sorry, excuse me.

- My goodness!
- Sorry, miss, please.

Oi, blind person here.
Move! Move!

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh. Pardon
the intrusion,

but could somebody tell me if
there's an empty chair at this table?

- No, mademoiselle. The table is full.
- Oh.

Okey-dokey.
No, miss. Miss?

Excuse me.
You can have my chair.

Oh, a hero. But it's
not necessary.

Perhaps if this
person scoots over,

we could just squeeze
in another chair.

Yeah, sure.
Do you mind, sir?

Would you mind just...

Right behind you.
Oh.

There you go.

Thank you.
All right.

What wonderful blind person etiquette.

My nana was blind.

Was she?
I had no idea.

Research.

Please place your bets.

Oh. Do you want me
to place a bet for you?

Yeah, could you?

Yeah, of course.
But can you choose?

I feel like I need somebody
else's luck right now.

Sure.

Okay. All right, keep
your fingers crossed.

No more bets.

Twenty-one red.

How did we do?

We lost.
I'm so sorry.

What?
Yeah, it happens.

That was my
last chance.

Last chance?
For... Wait! Miss!

Miss, wait. Miss?

Monsieur, your chips.

Oh, yeah, thank you.

Thank you, thank you.
Sorry.

Thank you. Miss!

Miss? Miss?

Your winnings.

Miss! Miss? Miss?
Excuse me? Hi.

You left your cane.

Thanks for bringing
it back.

I'm so embarrassed. Did
I, like, cause a big scene?

No, no. It's okay. But you
said something in there.

You said that that was
your last chance. What for?

To help my sister.

Oh.
She's my baby sister.

Oh.

You're looking at a picture
of a really hot girl, right?

Uh... Yes.
Yeah, I am.

Are my eyes tearing up?

'Cause sometimes
I can't tell.

At least you
won big, huh?

Not yet.

Go and see what big-titted
Russell Crowe is up to.

Here.
Here you go, Penny.

No, no, no, Thomas.
I cannot take that.

Yes, you can, Penny.
No, I can't.

Penny, you have to.

Your sister needs that
final cleft palate surgery.

Yeah, she does.

Penny...
Mmm.

- What about you?
- What do you mean, what about me?

Well, do you mind
if I ask you how you...

Got blind?
Yeah.

My condition
is 100% mental.

Hysterical blindness?

It's not that funny
to me, Thomas.

No, I know.
What I mean is,

it means there's hope for you
to see again. Right?

People say that,
but I've tried everything.

Hypnosis, drugs...

I even hired
this guy Barry

to follow me around and scare
me in parking structures.

He'd just be
like, "Hey!"

Turns out this is not like
having the hiccups.

Well, there must be something.

Well, there is, like,
this one psychologist,

up in this clinic
in Germany

that does, like,
really cutting-edge stuff.

But it's so expensive.

Well, how much does
this doctor charge?

$500,000.

Damn!
I know!

But Dr. Schauffhaussen
is that gifted.

Forget about it. What
is sight worth, anyways?

$500,000?

Seems so.

She's using
all your tricks.

Fine.

Let's use some of hers.

- But enough about me.
- Let's talk about you.

What's your story?

No, well,
no story, really.

These French investor
guys flew me out here

I guess to hear about my new venture.

But I'm starting
to feel like

they just want
another YaBurnt.

Ya-what?
YaBurnt.

It's an app that
I designed.

Oh.

Like an appetizer? I love
'em when they're bottomless.

That's good.

No, not an appetizer.

An app like an application
for a smartphone.

Oh, okay.

But my new concept,

it's something that I think
could really help people

if anyone would actually
listen to what I have in mind.

I get it.
You're a really kind guy.

I could see that.
If only I could see.

Penny...

Penny, what is the name of
that doctor you told me about?

Oh. Um... Doctor...

Schauffhaussen.

Schauffhaussen.
Schauffhaussen.

How do you spell that?
Is that S-C-H?

Sure.

Okay.

Wait, what are you doing?
I'm looking him up online.

Not much is known about the good
doctor. I hear he's a recluse.

No, I found his website.

Really?
Awesome.

Whoa.

No, here's an email address.

Okay, you're kidding me.

What? No way.

Yeah.
No way.

I've sent something.
There we go.

See what happens.
Thomas, no, you...

No.
You really shouldn't have.

Let's not get
our hopes up.

Okay. He responded!

Of course he did.

Oh, it's an
out-of-office reply.

Oh...

Let's see if he's
on social media.

Oh, my God.

No way! Oh, my God.
What?

Uh, excuse me, sir?

Hi. My name's Thomas,

and my friend, Penny, really,
really needs your help.

I just saw your photo on Instagram,
and I had to come find you.

This is beyond coincidence. It means
something that you're here. Um...

So, what do you say,
Dr. Schauffhaussen?

Will you help
my friend?

Siri, I need to
learn German.

That is not German.

That is Dutch.

Oh. Um...

Hi, we met at
the roulette table.

That is incorrect.
We did not meet.

Otherwise, you would
know that I...

You're Dr.
Schauffhaussen?

Precisely.

No, wait,
Dr. Schauffhaussen.

I'm sorry if
I offended you.

I am not offended.

It's just that I looked you up
online, I couldn't find a photo,

and, I don't know, I just didn't
think you would be a woman.

I am offended now.

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

Please don't punish
Penny for my sexism.

Penny?

Is this Penny from
Cootamundra, Australia?

Yes! Yeah, that's her.

I remember her letters.
Such a tragic case.

Good luck to you both.

Wait.

Dr. Schauffhaussen,
what do I have to do

to get you to see
her here, tonight?

Young man...
Thomas.

Thomas, it would be inappropriate
and unprofessional of me

to see patients
while on my holiday.

Well, if it's a matter
of money, I can...

You haven't given her
any money, have you?

Well, some. But just for her sister.

You must not, under any
circumstances, give the patient money.

Otherwise, this reinforces the
notion that she's truly disabled,

rendering the
treatment kaput!

Wait, so you will
treat her?

- I agree to an initial examination.
- Yes!

I am too much the softie.
Where is she now?

Penny?

Coming. Just one second!
One sec.

I've got
a surprise for ya.

Thomas, where did you go?
Yeah?

You'll never guess
who I found.

Who?

JOSEPHINE AS
Who do you think?

It's Dr. Frederika
Schauffhaussen.

She can't believe it.

Believe it, Froulein.

I am here to help you,
dear girl.

Dr. Schauffhaussen was having
dinner at the hotel tonight.

I saw her Insta post.
Isn't it incredible?

- Incredible.
- I must make my assessment of the patient.

Thomas?
Yes?

I require a chair.

A warning.

My methods
are unorthodox.

You understand?

Yes.
Thank you.

Remove your person from
the treatment space.

Oh. Okay, here?

Sit.

So, you can see
absolutely nothing?

No shapes,
no light, no color?

No, nothing at all.
That's what I said...

Silence.

Hey, I need that.

You will no longer use
this crutch of the mind.

Stubborn like the patient.

I see.

You do not, but I see.

Has the test started yet?

Impressive.

Okay, Penny.

How about this?

I am funneling
the air directly

into your eye cavity.

My mouth hole
is very narrow.

You should not
be feeling this.

I just smell salmon.

It's very
interesting.

The body reacts, but the mind does not.

Penny, I would like you
to have a little snack.

But you must guess the food
that you're eating, ja?

Yeah, that sounds
easy enough.

I will ready the snack.

In stiller Nacht

Zur ersten Wacht

Ein Stimm' begunnt

Zu klagen

Der nächt'ge Wind

Hat süß und lind

Okay, Penny.

Here comes
the choo-choo train.

Open wide.

Ahh...

What is that?

A french fry.

Can I have another one?

You are a very
good blind person.

As such, you
must surely know

the number of steps
between you and the door.

Mmm-mmm.

And the number from the
door to the elevator.

Because this is how the
visually-impaired function in the world.

Otherwise, you would be running
into things all the time, ja?

Yeah, I know
all the steps.

Okay, Penny.

I have opened the door.
An unobstructed path exists.

I want you to run full-speed down
hallway and stop in front of the elevator.

You can do this, then, ja?

Yeah, well, of course, then.

Yeah, it's pretty simple
for a blind person

to just run in
a straight line, so...

Wunderbar.
As fast as you can. Go!

Um... Now?
Ja.

Penny!

I will take the case.

Come, Thomas,
I give you a tour.

Okay.

Should we...
Come.

Quickly now.

But what about...
Thank you.

Is this it? Hello?

We're here?

Hello? Uh...

Oh, it's on.

Dr. Schauffhaussen,
about your fee.

I have to move
a few things around,

but I'll have it
for you really soon.

Hey, guys?

I think somebody accidentally
locked the front door.

Guys? Guys,
are you there?

Whoa.

Sorry! I hope that wasn't a
priceless work of art or anything!

What if she gets
hurt out there?

This is precisely why we
do not intervene, Thomas.

Negative reinforcement
is the prescription.

It is our job,
yours und mine,

to have fun.
Fun?

Fun.
Okay.

You're thinking
I am loony tune, ja?

I am not.
No?

If we do this
in front of Penny,

have the fun...

She will want nothing more than
to join us in our seeing fun.

Yeah.

Why do I smell clinical
strength lady douche wipes?

Oh.

Very strong.

No pity, Thomas.
Only fun.

I also smell
early menopause.

Now, the house.

Why are we doing
this again?

Just as you take
Thomas' arm when we walk,

so you take my leash
when we ride.

That makes zero sense.

A hill approaches.

Thank you so much.
Thank you.

Merci.
Merci.

This Cabernet.
Oh, I love this one.

It turns
quite chewy...

- Und you can really taste oak.
- Can I have some?

Oh. Of course, Penny.
You may have some of mine.

Oh.

Um... Is there a glass here?

You may drink the wine when you see
the glass well enough to seize it.

Oh. Oh, God. Did I
spill something just now?

Oh, I'm so clumsy.

Dr. Schauffhaussen,
let me help you.

Oh, no. I feel terrible.

Did I spill wine
on your...

Waiter!

Uh, are you sure that
this is helping Penny?

Trust me, this is
for Penny's sake.

Okay.

JOSEPHINE AS
You should see us, Penny.

Thomas and I are dancing.

I wish I could.

Oh, but you can,
Penny. You can.

Yeah, I could also eat my own
shit, but I'm not doing that either.

It's okay, I'll just stand
here minding your bag.

She's got a fuzzbox
and knows how to use it.

Pardon?

Your friend with the bony ass,
grinding away on that poor boy.

Oh.

Yeah, I wouldn't
mind so much.

It's just that he used
to be my boyfriend.

He was not!

And she's my best friend.

She is not!

Oh, my God.

Babe, you are,
like, actually blind.

Oh, babe.

Blind as in
"can't see" blind?

It was when I lost my sight
that she moved in on him.

Shut up.

Watch us, Penny.

The way our bodies
move in unison.

So sensual.

Right. I'm hitting her
really hard in her vagina.

It's just if I could work out
some way to get him alone...

Then maybe he wouldn't
call off the wedding.

You leave it with us,
all right? I mean...

We are practically professionals,
my little blind poppet.

Girls, toilet.

That color looks
boss on you.

Danke.

What is this?

It's a little thing we
invented called Varma.

Karma.

It is on.

It is on like
Kim Kardashian.

Is that nice?
Yeah, you want some?

Oh! Yeah, sure.
Sorry.

Uh...

Yeah. Thank you.

It's kinda weird
that Dr. Schauffhaussen

just disappeared
like that, right?

Germans are
so spontaneous.

It's probably just part of
her crazy treatment plan.

Yeah, don't give up
on that, Penny, okay?

I mean, I know
that it's hard,

but there's so much that
you deserve to see.

Like this view

and these lights...

And the face you make

when you think
I'm being a dork.

What, this one?

Yeah, that one.

But that one...

That one's my favorite.
What?

That one.
No, what?

Shut up.

Well, you'll just have
to take my word for it.

As the sole sighted
person between us,

you're beautiful, Penny.

Anyway, I'm sure
Dr. Schauffhaussen's

gonna break out the
big psychological guns

once I actually
give her the fee.

Oh. Um... Yeah, about that.
I was gonna say to you,

is it possible to give
me the money

and then I'll just give it
to Dr. Schauffhaussen?

I know this
will sound silly,

but it would just make me feel
like I'm less of a charity case.

Totally. I completely understand.

I... I just have to
sell the last of my stock.

Wait, don't you own, like,
the whole company?

You're, like, so rich.

No.
No?

No, um...

The algorithm for
YaBurnt was mine,

but the seed investors
actually bought me out.

Yeah, for how much?

A cool million.

But I only have
400,000 left.

But it's okay.

My nana's gonna
loan me the rest.

So, after you pay
the Dr. Schauffhaussen fee,

you'd be broke?

Yeah, but it's fine.

Because I have a lot of good
ideas, and hoodies are cheap.

I don't get it, though.

Why would you bankrupt yourself
for someone you don't even know?

Like, I'm a stranger.

Well, my nana...

My nana always said that the
best thing money can do is good.

And you getting to
see again is good.

Plus, you're not
a stranger.

You're Penny.

Yes, I am.

Honey, I'm home.

Oh, please.

You think I can't handle
the Real Housewives of Essex?

It took a considerable
amount of limoncello

and several rounds
of arm wrestling,

but c'est la vie.

The bet's off, Jo.

Oh, don't go, Penny. You've
taught me so much about love.

We need to find another mark.
No, absolutely not.

I have had about as much
of this absurd interlude

with you as I can bear.

Those are decorative.

He's a good guy, Jo.

That's a moxy-noron,
Pen.

Okay, you know, back in the
day when I was just catfishing,

there was always this one
moment where I would decide...

"I'm gonna take your money."

And it wasn't when they fell for
the superficial hot girl bait,

or when they texted dick
pics like complete animals.

It was when we'd meet up in person,

and I'd come in...

And he'd just...

Look at me like that.

And that's when I'd
decide to rob him blind.

But when Thomas looks at
me, he doesn't do that.

He's just different.

He's a genuinely nice person.

Yeah, but we're not nice
women, Penny, are we?

And this isn't a likability contest.

Lucky for you, 'cause I'd win.

Would you?

Please. Thomas loves me.

He loves you?

Like, I mean, he'll do whatever I want.

Well, then it appears
we have our solution.

If you don't have the
stomach to take money

from your darling Thomas...

Darling Thomas becomes the bet.

But I thought you
didn't nail your marks.

Evidently, we must up the ante
in this little game of ours.

Unless, of course, you
feel you're outmatched.

Please. Guys love asses,

but not when there's something
already stuck up there.

Then we're agreed.

Thomas is the bet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, okay.

I should really get to bed,

'cause I've got such a big
day of seduction tomorrow.

Oh, absolutely.

How about a bedtime story?

No, that's not necessary. Albert!

Oh! Hi.

Thank you.

Oh, that's not good.

I do so admire their spirit.

Less so their spray tans.

Ladies.

All right, my babe.

Oh, so, you thought
you could play us, yeah?

Ladies, I can explain.

Babes, this is not a
good situation for you.

My cousin's got the blinds

from the diabetes. Diabetes.

Don't go to the hotel now, Jo.

Give it the night. He'll be
more energetic in the morning.

Oh, you're not going anywhere.

Ladies, pass me the superglue.

Thomas. Dr. Schauffhaussen.

Please...

Call me Frederika.

Okay.

Oh, God. I'm sorry.

Come on in.

Um...

JOSEPHINE AS Thank you.

A little treat for us.

We've been working so
hard for sweet Penny.

We deserve to be a little selfish, ja?

Some say these are an aphrodisiac.

Oh, no, thank...

Oh, God. I'm so sorry, Doctor...

No! I got it. It's fine, it's fine.

- I got it, I got it.
- It's...

Thank you.

Thomas...

I must be candid.

I'm here under false pretenses.

You are? Ja.

I hope this isn't inappropriate, but...

Would you help me with mein coding?

"Mein coding"?

Ja, I'm having trouble with my website.

Oh. Coding!

Yeah, sure. What seems
to be the problem?

Well...

When I use JavaScript,

the HTTP crawler is not
scraping the metadata correctly,

and I am losing the CSS properties.

Did you try parsing the
CSS separately using regex?

I did not. Hmm.

Fixed! Well, it's
been a really long day.

I'm exhausted, so I'm gonna...

Are you aware that it
is a full moon tonight?

I love to feel the air on my skin.

Right. Aren't you kinda cold, though?

What are you doin'?

I feel reckless tonight, Thomas.

Okay, that's not funny.
Can you come inside now?

If I fell, would you catch me?

Stop it.

Don't.

Don't!

Thomas.

Dr. Schauffhaussen... Frederika.

You've taught me so
much about discipline.

I can teach you more.

And integrity. Ja, sure.

I think we should keep things
professional between us.

Oh... For Penny's sake.

For Penny's sake?

Of course.

Well, I'll just...

Go.

Wait.

Mmm. Thomas.

Oh. Albert? Albert. Hey, man.

Um... Just a shot in the dark.

Do you happen to have superglue remover?

Holy crap.

How did you have that?

Yeah, that's awesome.

Yes. Legend.

Uh...

Albert?

Ah, come on, that's just cruel!

Hey, you. Hey.

Do you know who Josephine
Chesterfield is? Or Dr. Schauffhaussen?

Oui, mademoiselle. We
know all her aliases.

She's very generous.

All right, so was she here last night?

Oui, with the tech boy.

Damn it. Okay.

Well, wait. When she left, did she
seem, like, you know, satisfied?

Like, you know, like, she'd got some?

Oh, no. No?

She hasn't left yet.

Yeah, I know you won.
I'm getting outta here.

Uh, what did I win?

Thomas, what are you doing here?

I'm here to say goodbye.

Where's Dr. Schauffhaussen, then?

Um, I don't know.

This morning, she kind
of left in a hurry...

And now I have to go.

The investors are...

They're flying me home.

I just needed to say...

Penny, you're the one genuine,
good thing that happened to me here.

Anyway, um...

Bye, Penny.

Thomas, wait! Don't go!

Penny!

Oh, my God!

Penny, are you okay?

This has been a brutal week.

Dick.

Wait, Penny, could you just see Albert?

Uh...

Did you just look at... Can you see me?

Is your hair brownish?

Yes! Yes, it is!

Wait, Penny.

Can you read that?

No, that's in French.

Oh... Sorry.

What about this?

"Social anxiety. You're not
the problem, the world is."

Yes! Penny, you can see!

I can finally see your face!

Oh, that's probably a
bummer. No, come off it!

You got such a nice face.

I guess Dr. Schauffhaussen's
money was put to good use, huh?

What do you mean?

You didn't give her
the 500,000, did you?

Yeah, of course.

I wanted to make sure that
your treatment continued.

No, no. But that was all that you had.

It was worth every penny, Penny.

Wait a minute. I don't understand.

You're giving me $500,000?

My sister just won the
lottery in Australia.

And she used my birthday and
my bra size, so she owes me.

I can't let you cover
my medical expenses.

Well, regardless, I cannot accept this.

Thomas, no, I insist.

Well, I resist.

Stop. It's a $2
transaction fee every time.

Oh, shit. Well, it's
in your account now.

No take-backs.

Okay.

Penny...

Do you wanna come?

Come with me.

I'm not coming with you.

Why not?

'Cause you don't know me.

Not the real me.

Well, I'd like to...

If you ever change your mind.

All right.

What have you done?

How could you let him leave?

What are you talking about?

You won the bet.

Stop!

Come back! Come back! Come back! No! No!

Aw. The plane didn't
stop for the crazy lady.

Here she comes.

Walk of shame.

Walk of shame. Walk of shame.

Last night, I went to his room
and, yes, I tried to seduce him.

And I thought I was getting somewhere,
too, because he turned out the lights,

but it was only to show me
a PowerPoint presentation

all about his new app.

Once he had finished his
pitch, I assumed we'd go to bed.

Then he said he's bit of a germophobe,
so would I mind taking a shower...

And I was insulted,

but I complied for the sake of the bet.

And when I emerged, he was
gone, my clothes were gone,

my jewelry, my phone, my laptop,

even my limited edition Jimmy Choos!

Come off it.

You expect me to believe

that that kind guy tried
to jack your Jimmy Choos

when he just returned to me
$500,000 that I tried to give him?

Why did you give him $500,000?

Because that's the
amount you stole from him.

No! That is what I'm
saying, tits for brains!

I didn't steal from him.

I invested in his app!

How much?

$500,000.

It's from Thomas.

Ahh! No!

Let me see! Let me see!

That means...

You're Thomas' nana.

Oh, you sick perv! No! Christ, Penny!

Clearly, Thomas' nana was Medusa,
and she passed the torch on to him,

and now he's the new Medusa.

What is wrong with you?

He didn't transfer me the Bitcoin back.

He still has my 500,000.

And my 500,000.

Did we just give that
boy a million dollars?

Are you kidding me?

Of all the lying... No!

...two-faced, conniving,
cheating... Dude, are you serious?

...slimy millennial bastard hacker...

I'm so angry and horny right now!

...grifter shit-stained assholes,

he is the worst!

But he is kinda awesome, too, right?

Albert, I'm sorry for
calling your balls skeletal.

I know there's nothing hard down there.

Suck it.

Thanks for letting me
stay the extra two weeks.

One more than agreed upon.

Yeah, it was cozy, wasn't it?

Aw.

What will your next chapter be?

I was thinking of going to Thailand.

Maybe Bangkok,

or Phuket.

Phuket.

No, that's not how you say it.

What's this?

It's your cut of the
Lord of the Rings con.

Ooh.

Minus expenses, of course.

Wardrobe, catering,
prosthetics, et cetera.

And the cost of the
vases that you broke.

And the plumbing issues I caused.

What?

Hmm?

Au revoir.

Yello! Make a hole, people. Make a hole.

'Scuse me, comin' through.

Come on, Ritchie comin' through, baby.

'Scuse me, 'scuse me.
Thank you very much.

Okay, yeah. Thank you very much.

All right. Okay.

Intros.

Cathy! Cathy, baby, you get that
rock-hard caboose up here this minute.

Ritchie, slow down!

I have to catch my breath.

Oh, shut it, doll. You're in
mint condition and you know it.

Okay, so here's the story.

I was showing Cathy here
some luxury property in Capri,

when I realized that this
lady's got some high-class taste.

And I don't just mean
for real estate, nope.

Cathy's an animal lover, see...

But she doesn't just like
regular doggies and birdies.

She likes special furry
friends who are maybe... Oh!

...a little illegal.
Is that right, Cathy?

Yes, it is. Now, Cathy, what
is it you wanted to start?

It was a monastery or something?

A rare animal sanctuary
and spa. I love it.

So I say to Cathy, "You'll
have to meet my friends."

We hopped in the dinghy,

we set sail, and here we are!

Cathy, I want y'all
to meet South Africa's

most celebrated and discreet
endangered species dealer,

Imka Bekker.

Say, what's wrong, Imka?

Exotic cat got your tongue?

No. Howzit, Cathy?

It's such a pleasure to meet
a fellow wildlife enthusiast.

I love the springboks, myself.

Me, too. Me, too. Look at
me being a total jackass.

I forgot to introduce
Imka's right-hand woman.

Ladies and gentlemen,

if y'all ever need a crocodile
just wrestled into submission,

Sheila Malarkey is your gal.

Oh, but Sheila lost
her tongue tragically

to a very small but
ferocious red-crested wombat.

God bless her soul.

Shame.

She can sign, though. Can't you, Sheila?

Yes.

Yes, she can.

Okey-dokey. Yoh. Okay, okay.

What's she saying?

Okey-dokey. She says, everyone, please,

up to the house and, please,
enjoy some of her ice cream.

That's right, ladies and
gentlemen. Who likes ice cream?

I scream, you scream. Everybody
follow me, ladies and gentlemen.

We're headin' up this
stone path, right here.

Cathy, take this.
Everybody, look at Cathy.

She's the alpha dog. I want you
to follow her all the way up.

Keep going! At the top, you're
gonna find a little penguin man.

He's gonna spark the fuse
on the barbecue, baby.

'Cause we're havin' red meat, baby!

This year I made $6 million.

So far.

Impressive.

How irritating.

But together, we could
make so much more.

So much more.

You guys are fantastic at what you do.

My nana would absolutely love you.

The three of us.

That'd be one hell of a team.

You played me.

Penny, the only thing I
never lied about was you.

Listen.

First million pays us back.

The second million will be your apology.

Yeah, and if you ever
double-cross us again,

I withhold sex for a whole year.

Or six months.

No, let's go with 24 hours.

For like...

Until midmorning, I will
not be open as a shop.

You done? Okay.

So don't cross us ever again.

Deal.

So, are we doin' this?

Come on! They went down this way.

Hurry up!

Damn it! We lost them.

How could you lose them?

How could you give 'em £200,000?

Uh, designer nipples are not cheap.

Plus, that's like 500 American dollars.

It really isn't. Hey! Hey, buddy!

Did you see two women
run by here a minute ago?

Oh. Yeah, with massive wads of cash?

Yeah. Yeah.

They ran that way.

Let's go!

Come on! Radio for backup or somethin'.

Lucky Christmas dress, you did it again.

I must say, Penny.

These outfits are terribly clever.

Old but gold.

Happy Christmas.

Thomas, I got you a
present. Thank you, Santa.

No. I'm still here.

Hortense, is that what that's used for?

I don't see any butter on that knife.

Now, Enrique, you were saying that
even though you yourself have benefited

economically from
immigrating to America,

you don't feel any additional Guatemalans
should be allowed into Palm Beach?

Yes, I believe we're at the
tipping point in this moment.

What ist thou looking at?

Stop skulking in the corner.

Thy had thy hand on Rosalind's bosom!

Dost thou deny it?

Oh. Sweet Hortense had her suitor's body

exhumed the day after he was trampled.

It's folly, though.

The family will never accept him.

You just don't like
him because he's black.

Sister, may I please sing my song now?

Ooh, yes, of course, darling, of course.

Hortense has written a song
to celebrate our engagement.

Isn't that marvelous?

No, wait, I wanted the lute.

It is the lute.

Hmm.

All right, this is a Hortense original.

Wedding

Death

She had the finest tutors,
but you can't teach talent.

Bon appétit!