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(WIRELESS)
♪ LOUIS ARMSTRONG: On The Sunny Side
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(TELEPHONE RINGS)
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Hello. Bournemouth 2353.
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Yes, Gerald Durrell is my son.
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Gerry?
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(DOOR SLAMS)
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Mrs Durrell...
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You have just caned my son!
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In a just society, you would be
tied to a tree and whipped
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for beating an innocent child!
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He would rather feed the rats behind the
cricket pavilion than attend his classes.
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Yes, because he's been bullied,
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ever since arriving
at this pitiful school!
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And why do you think that is, dear?
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Because... he's a bit different.
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That's why children are bullied,
you moron.
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It's easy to see where
his incivility comes from.
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Don't use that language!
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Don't instruct me. I am not
one of your witless flunkies.
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No offence,
I'm sure you would be lovely...
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if you were allowed to be.
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The purpose of education
is to draw the best out of children,
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not to beat fear into them.
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A father would no doubt have ironed
out more of their shortcomings.
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I look forward
to a letter of apology.
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Oh, he won't be returning.
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I'd rather
he were taught by monkeys.
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Mum, I'd love that. Can we do that?
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Don't be daft, Gerry.
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Ow!
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What do you mean,
I'm a bit different?
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(SLURPS)
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(DOOR SHUTS)
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How could you have stood by
and let me become an estate agent?
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I am a writer.
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You don't actually write,
though, do you, darling?
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- Yes, I'm a fashion model.
- Fighter pilot.
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Oh, by the way, I've left school.
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No, you haven't.
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If Gerry can do it, so can I.
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00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:06,610
Anyway, I've taken my uniform
into the garden and shot it, so...
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I might as well leave too.
I'm as thick as two short planks.
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As soon as I can find a husband,
I'll be off.
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What is the matter with all of you?
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Roger?
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Here he is, the unteachable
leading the untrainable.
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We should go to Corfu.
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I've been.
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Corfu Castle. I'm not going back
till they put a roof on it.
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It's CORFE Castle, darling.
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Jesus, Margo!
No, Corfu's a Greek island!
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I told you I was dim.
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(PLATE SMASHES)
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Darling, you are NOT dim!
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You're 16.
What's all this about a husband?
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My friend Donald lives in Corfu.
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He says it's dirt cheap,
so I can write there,
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full of disgusting animals for Gerry
and, Leslie, you can shoot them.
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- Hey, Margo...
- I'll pack.
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We are not going anywhere.
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We can't just run away
from our problems.
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Good afternoon, Mrs Durrell.
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Oh! Louisa, please.
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Indeed. We widowed folk
must stick together.
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You should come and have
that sherry.
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Yes, I should.
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Since I've retired,
I've played a lot of bowls.
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Do you play?
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If only I had the time...
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and the bowls.
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Let me speak plainly?
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You are an attractive lady
and I am an attractive man.
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The children need a father figure...
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...and I'm a big admirer
of boarding schools.
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Come on! (CHUCKLES)
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(SIGHS)
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(DOOR OPENS)
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Oh!
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Hello.
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Why are you so miserable?
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Perhaps it's because
I thought I was a good mother
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and yet all I've managed to do
is bring up one unteachable son,
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one psychopath, one vacuous daughter
and you.
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What's wrong with me?
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And worse than that,
none of you seems happy.
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00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:07,490
There's no laughter
in this house any more.
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00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:10,090
A writer shouldn't be happy.
It's counter-productive.
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(SIGHS) You're not a writer,
darling. You sell houses.
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It's a flag of convenience.
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What about you?
You drink like a fish,
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if fish drank gin.
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And I know we've got money problems.
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There are no secrets in this family.
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There are secrets, actually.
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Oh, God, you're not dying, are you?
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No, I'm not dying.
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The secret is...
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...that I can't live
like this any more.
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When you were all small,
it was like we were on a journey,
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always moving forward.
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And now we've stopped moving forward
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and we are sinking.
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So, for once in my life, Larry,
I have decided...
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...to take your advice.
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Which advice?
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(HUBBUB)
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(SPEAKS GREEK)
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You know, a taxi would probably cost
the same as a banana in Bournemouth.
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We should start as we mean to go on.
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Wanting to kill each other?
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Economising.
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Look, I can see the village
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up ahead. Look.
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You are not serious.
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Now, look, the house sale
barely covered our debts.
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We have no money.
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I have a miserly widow's pension.
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- You are a miserly widow.
- Be quiet!
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And you all earn precisely nothing.
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We are not on holiday.
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We are here to live
like local people,
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in joy and togetherness,
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00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:06,690
without the trappings
of so-called civilisation,
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which, as far as I can tell,
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00:10:08,530 --> 00:10:11,450
basically means
cruelty and alienation.
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It's going to be wonderful.
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(HORN HOOTS)
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Don't talk to him. Everybody here
only speaks Greek, anyway.
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- Hi. You peoples want a taxi?
- No.
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- Yes.
- Absolutely.
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- Where are you going?
- We like walking.
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Ignore her. We're going to that
guest-house in the far, far distance.
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- That's a nice motor.
- It's American.
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Nothing like it on Corfu.
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- Spiros Halikiopoulos.
- Leslie.
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- Margo.
- Larry.
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I'm... Mrs Durrell.
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The mother.
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The most important person.
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I'll get your luggage.
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- Where's Gerry?
- Gerry?
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- There's a lizard.
- It's a tree with a lizard on it.
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- How could that possibly be interesting?
- Gerry!
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You's very pale.
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00:11:03,490 --> 00:11:05,930
- Yes, we plan to a lot of sunbathing.
- No, we don't.
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- It's the main reason we came here.
- No, it isn't.
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- How long are you staying?
- We don't know.
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00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:14,850
But, well, we don't have a house
to go back to in England.
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00:11:15,890 --> 00:11:19,170
Honest to God, if I wasn't Greek,
I'd like to be English.
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Oh. Thank you.
151
00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:30,650
Oh, this must be it.
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00:11:31,890 --> 00:11:34,650
No, you don't stay here.
Too expensive.
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Lots of empty houses on the island.
I'll find you one.
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Yes. Good.
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(SPEAKS GREEK)
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(SHOUTS ANGRILY)
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(BOTH LAUGH)
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00:12:04,370 --> 00:12:06,370
Mrs Durrells! Come!
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Gerry!
There's a zoo in the lavatory!
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Wow!
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I'm sleeping in the lavatory!
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I can't believe the Customs
let you through with those.
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00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:54,500
I just think they know self-defence
is vital in today's unsure world.
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00:12:56,060 --> 00:13:00,300
- I think you should marry Spiros.
- I don't want to marry again.
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00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:02,340
- But he was wearing a wedding ring...
- Oh.
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00:13:02,380 --> 00:13:05,700
...and he had a photograph of his
wife and children on the dashboard.
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00:13:05,740 --> 00:13:07,860
I thought that was
the Greek royal family.
168
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:09,980
Why would he have a photo of them?
169
00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:13,740
- Where's the...?
- Oh, there's no electricity on Corfu.
170
00:13:13,780 --> 00:13:15,780
(CHUCKLES)
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00:13:23,860 --> 00:13:25,260
(SCREAMS)
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00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:29,460
(YELLS IN GREEK)
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00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:32,620
I get some more discounts,
Mrs Durrells.
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00:13:52,140 --> 00:13:56,100
Ah, we really need to get some beds.
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00:13:56,140 --> 00:13:57,580
(BARKING)
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00:13:57,620 --> 00:14:00,540
Gerry? Gerry? Wellingtons.
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00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:02,700
- Why?
- The snakes.
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00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:04,500
Here.
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00:14:04,540 --> 00:14:06,820
Oh... and this.
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00:14:06,860 --> 00:14:08,380
- What?
- So you can be seen.
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00:14:08,420 --> 00:14:10,540
- Mum, I'm sure it's fine.
- There we are.
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00:14:12,780 --> 00:14:14,820
And er...
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00:14:14,860 --> 00:14:16,900
don't... do anything.
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00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,980
Bye!
185
00:14:19,020 --> 00:14:21,340
Bye, Mother. See you later.
186
00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:23,380
Oh. Margo!
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00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:27,100
- Show me.
- What?
188
00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:29,140
You know what.
189
00:14:33,020 --> 00:14:35,180
Margo, this is not Bournemouth.
190
00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:37,220
I know.
I presume that's why we're here.
191
00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:39,260
The Greeks can be very conservative.
192
00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:41,420
In my day,
young ladies avoided the sun.
193
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:43,820
Well, in my day,
which is now, we don't.
194
00:14:43,860 --> 00:14:45,860
Book?
195
00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:50,180
Good girl.
And don't just use it as a pillow.
196
00:14:57,700 --> 00:15:00,060
LARRY: Right. Starting now.
197
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,220
(TYPEWRITER CLATTERS)
At last.
198
00:15:05,540 --> 00:15:08,260
Oh, Leslie, will you help me,
darling, with the...
199
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:10,660
I'm afraid not. I'm too busy.
200
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:42,740
Erm... kalimera.
201
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:47,140
Kalimera.
202
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:49,980
That was excellent.
Do you have any more Greek?
203
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:52,380
No, we've only been here one day.
204
00:15:52,420 --> 00:15:54,300
Oh. Welcome.
205
00:15:54,340 --> 00:15:56,780
Have you seen one of those before?
206
00:15:57,940 --> 00:16:00,420
- No.
- The nest of an Egyptian vulture.
207
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,340
Its party piece is breaking eggs
it wants to eat
208
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,260
by throwing pebbles at them.
209
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,660
It's very rare for birds
to use tools.
210
00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:10,700
Oh, sorry, you probably knew that.
211
00:16:10,740 --> 00:16:12,740
No.
212
00:16:31,420 --> 00:16:33,420
- (SHOUTING IN GREEK)
- (GASPS)
213
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,580
(SHOUTS IN GREEK)
214
00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:41,620
(CONTINUES SHOUTING)
215
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,100
Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
216
00:16:53,340 --> 00:16:55,820
Do you have kumquats in Hampshire?
217
00:16:55,860 --> 00:16:58,620
I don't think so.
It's mainly apples...
218
00:16:59,740 --> 00:17:01,660
...and cabbage.
219
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,940
Apples are not good in Corfu.
220
00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:08,100
We are pretty sure, in the Bible,
Eve was tempted by a kumquat.
221
00:17:09,620 --> 00:17:11,700
- That's a tiny joke.
- Oh!
222
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:15,300
How are your creatures?
223
00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:18,980
I can't wait to show my family.
224
00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:20,980
Your optimism is impressive.
225
00:17:21,020 --> 00:17:23,380
I find my interest in wildlife
226
00:17:23,420 --> 00:17:26,140
is regarded by my friends
as a form of madness.
227
00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:27,580
(CHUCKLES)
228
00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:29,780
(BARKING)
Ooh-ooh!
229
00:17:29,820 --> 00:17:31,500
Dogs jumping like kangaroos!
230
00:17:31,540 --> 00:17:33,420
Always funny.
231
00:17:33,460 --> 00:17:35,460
(GUNSHOT)
232
00:17:36,860 --> 00:17:39,060
Good shot, Leslie.
233
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,100
Don't hit your mother.
234
00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:44,260
(STRAINS)
235
00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:50,140
Larry, come down here and help!
236
00:17:50,180 --> 00:17:52,180
I can't. I'm working!
237
00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:54,620
(TYPEWRITER KEYS CLATTER)
238
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:57,060
- Mrs Durrells?
- Oh.
239
00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:58,820
- I bring you Lugaretzia.
- Oh.
240
00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:01,260
Hello. Why?
241
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:05,460
You need help. Big family,
house pretty, but not so perfect!
242
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:08,540
Yes, you spotted that. Thank you,
Spiros, but we can't afford help.
243
00:18:08,580 --> 00:18:11,740
- Of course you can. You're English.
- The English come in all kinds,
244
00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:14,140
and we are the poor type.
245
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,620
She's cheap. Part-time, almost free.
246
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:19,780
Oh, God,
I look like some kind of a witch.
247
00:18:19,820 --> 00:18:22,900
No, you don't. Where's Mr Durrells?
248
00:18:22,940 --> 00:18:24,940
Oh, he's dead... selfishly.
249
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:27,860
So it's just me now,
shouldering the burden.
250
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:31,900
- Like a braying, sexless donkey!
- (SIGHS)
251
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:36,020
She doesn't understand English, so you
can shout out bad things about her.
252
00:18:36,060 --> 00:18:38,220
I don't want to shout out
bad things about her.
253
00:18:38,260 --> 00:18:40,500
How cheap is she?
Lugaretzia...
254
00:18:40,540 --> 00:18:42,540
(THEY CONVERSE IN GREEK)
255
00:18:45,740 --> 00:18:47,740
(THEY NEGOTIATE IN GREEK)
256
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:53,100
- Shh!
- (SIGHS)
257
00:18:53,140 --> 00:18:55,140
15 drachmas a day.
258
00:18:56,660 --> 00:18:58,660
Welcome.
259
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:02,340
Erm... she's a little bit
hypochondriac.
260
00:19:02,380 --> 00:19:04,460
Oh.
(GROANS)
261
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:07,380
- Goodbye, Mrs Durrells.
- (GROANS)
262
00:19:10,740 --> 00:19:12,420
Oh, darling, what's the matter?
263
00:19:12,460 --> 00:19:14,500
A man shouted at me.
264
00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:17,060
Oh, sweetheart.
265
00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:19,100
Oh...
266
00:19:19,140 --> 00:19:23,540
It's all right. It's just going to
be more different than I thought.
267
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,580
Yes.
268
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:27,620
Yes, me too.
269
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,740
(GUNSHOT)
270
00:19:44,780 --> 00:19:46,780
(GUNSHOT)
271
00:19:49,260 --> 00:19:51,860
LARRY: Don't be so feeble.
Go back and shout at him!
272
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:55,060
What, so he has an excuse
to throw me into the sea or kill me?
273
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,550
- Oh, have some moral courage.
- Stop it, you two.
274
00:19:57,580 --> 00:20:01,180
When have you ever shown
any moral courage? Whatever that is.
275
00:20:01,220 --> 00:20:03,900
I show moral courage in my writing
every day.
276
00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:06,180
What writing?! Get a proper job!
277
00:20:06,220 --> 00:20:07,740
You're an intellectual dwarf.
278
00:20:07,780 --> 00:20:10,300
- Larry, that is cruel.
- At least I'm intellectual.
279
00:20:10,340 --> 00:20:12,540
Your intellect is dwarf-sized!
280
00:20:12,580 --> 00:20:15,180
For God's sake.
281
00:20:15,220 --> 00:20:18,020
Yes, it's very nice, isn't it?
It was my mother's, actually.
282
00:20:18,060 --> 00:20:20,940
It looks like a bullet hole.
Leslie must have nearly shot her.
283
00:20:20,980 --> 00:20:23,820
(SHOUTS IN GREEK)
284
00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:28,100
She's not still going on
about that, is she?
285
00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:30,140
(SHOUTS IN GREEK)
286
00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:33,620
No!
287
00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:35,340
Lugaretzia?
288
00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:38,020
Lugaretzia? Come back!
(DOOR SLAMS)
289
00:20:38,060 --> 00:20:40,300
Leslie, you could have killed her.
290
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:43,060
It's an air-gun. She could get
a flesh wound at worst...
291
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:45,580
or lose an eye!
- Or lose an eye?!
292
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:49,460
Unbelievable! I have been
working like a slave for you.
293
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:52,780
- Now we've lost my only bit of help.
- There's so many species in the wood.
294
00:20:52,820 --> 00:20:56,380
- I found...
- Gerry!
295
00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:58,660
- Stop them!
- Get them out! Get them out!
296
00:20:58,700 --> 00:21:00,620
Don't stamp on them!
297
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:02,660
- Let me shoot one of them!
- Don't shoot them!
298
00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:04,980
Stop it!
(ALL YELL AT ONCE)
299
00:21:05,020 --> 00:21:07,020
Stop it!
300
00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:12,220
(TEARFULLY) Where did I go wrong?
301
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:16,700
(SOBS)
How did you all become so vile?
302
00:21:44,740 --> 00:21:46,740
LARRY: You know what her problem is?
303
00:21:46,780 --> 00:21:48,540
Don't you think we're the problem?
304
00:21:48,580 --> 00:21:50,300
- No.
- Don't be absurd.
305
00:21:50,340 --> 00:21:51,580
She needs a man.
306
00:21:51,620 --> 00:21:55,900
Don't you dare talk about Mother
like that. I'll look after her.
307
00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:58,740
Let me lend you a paper by Freud
called the Oedipus Complex.
308
00:21:58,780 --> 00:22:01,580
I expect that's really clever,
but nobody cares.
309
00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:03,380
The body is built for sex.
310
00:22:03,420 --> 00:22:05,420
Gerry knows.
He watched animals mating.
311
00:22:05,460 --> 00:22:07,460
You are obsessed with sex.
312
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,260
At last, we agree on something.
313
00:22:09,300 --> 00:22:12,020
And since I'm not getting any,
at least we can help Mother.
314
00:22:12,060 --> 00:22:14,180
All right,
where should we start looking?
315
00:22:14,220 --> 00:22:16,180
We can't just drag men in
off the street.
316
00:22:16,220 --> 00:22:18,540
- (KNOCK AT DOOR)
- Good afternoon.
317
00:22:18,580 --> 00:22:21,140
- Theo!
- My name is Theo Stephanides.
318
00:22:21,180 --> 00:22:23,300
Hello.
Good afternoon.
319
00:22:23,340 --> 00:22:25,380
Gerry kindly invited me for tea.
320
00:22:25,420 --> 00:22:27,940
- For your future discoveries.
- Thank you so much.
321
00:22:29,060 --> 00:22:31,500
- Tea, yes.
- Shall I come back another day?
322
00:22:31,540 --> 00:22:33,540
- BOTH: No, no, no.
- It's fine.
323
00:22:33,580 --> 00:22:35,580
- Tea...
- Theo?
324
00:22:35,620 --> 00:22:38,180
Are you single?
325
00:22:38,220 --> 00:22:40,220
Yes. Yes, I am.
326
00:22:50,180 --> 00:22:52,180
(SQUEAKING)
327
00:23:06,020 --> 00:23:08,220
Good luck.
328
00:23:09,940 --> 00:23:12,460
We couldn't work out
how to heat the water.
329
00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:14,780
Oh, don't worry.
I can have tea any time.
330
00:23:14,820 --> 00:23:17,780
Figs with sardines -
that's breaking new ground.
331
00:23:19,300 --> 00:23:23,700
So, can I help unlock any mysteries
about Corfu?
332
00:23:23,740 --> 00:23:26,020
Can you explain
why a monk shouted at me
333
00:23:26,060 --> 00:23:28,180
like a lunatic as I was sunbathing?
334
00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:30,940
Maybe you were just lying
in his space.
335
00:23:30,980 --> 00:23:33,300
The Greeks used to spend
half their lives naked.
336
00:23:33,340 --> 00:23:35,220
So he has no excuse.
337
00:23:35,260 --> 00:23:37,500
That was the Ancient Greeks
and MALE nudity.
338
00:23:37,540 --> 00:23:40,340
Female bodies were more often
shown partially clothed.
339
00:23:40,380 --> 00:23:42,260
Well, there you go, then.
340
00:23:42,300 --> 00:23:44,860
Become a man
or wear a coat over your bikini.
341
00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:46,020
(CHUCKLES)
342
00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:51,780
There's one rule for men
and one for women, isn't there?
343
00:23:51,820 --> 00:23:54,420
Have you only just noticed?
344
00:23:54,460 --> 00:23:56,460
I've been busy growing up.
345
00:23:56,500 --> 00:23:58,300
How long has this been going on?
346
00:23:58,340 --> 00:24:01,900
Even Aristotle, who was no slouch,
placed women some way below men...
347
00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:03,940
but above slaves. Hurrah!
348
00:24:05,180 --> 00:24:07,140
Are there any more biscuits, Margo?
349
00:24:07,180 --> 00:24:08,740
Get them yourself!
350
00:24:10,500 --> 00:24:12,780
So, Theo...
351
00:24:12,820 --> 00:24:14,820
you are not married yet.
352
00:24:14,860 --> 00:24:17,220
What do you look for in a woman?
353
00:24:17,260 --> 00:24:19,260
Oh! (CHUCKLES)
354
00:24:19,300 --> 00:24:21,580
Someone I can exchange ideas with,
355
00:24:21,620 --> 00:24:23,820
discuss scientific advances
356
00:24:23,860 --> 00:24:25,900
and just sit quietly with.
357
00:24:25,940 --> 00:24:27,940
Oh!
358
00:24:29,220 --> 00:24:31,220
- Yeah, no, that won't work.
- No.
359
00:24:56,180 --> 00:24:58,260
Theo came for tea.
360
00:24:58,300 --> 00:25:00,860
Well, not tea, but he gave me this,
361
00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:02,900
which I filled with dormice.
362
00:25:02,940 --> 00:25:04,940
Oh, Gerry.
363
00:25:06,700 --> 00:25:09,380
We told Leslie he can't shoot
near the house any more
364
00:25:09,420 --> 00:25:12,620
because Larry can't write
and he might kill us.
365
00:25:12,660 --> 00:25:15,100
So he's going off
round the island tomorrow.
366
00:25:15,140 --> 00:25:17,140
Come on.
367
00:25:20,300 --> 00:25:22,900
Ooh! Getting quite big, aren't you?
368
00:25:22,940 --> 00:25:24,860
Yes. Should I get off?
369
00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:26,900
No.
370
00:25:44,860 --> 00:25:48,140
You can get off now.
I can't feel my legs.
371
00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:50,180
(GROANS)
372
00:25:55,660 --> 00:25:57,660
(HUBBUB)
373
00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:37,260
Any recommendations?
374
00:26:38,460 --> 00:26:40,980
Hm... Avoid the food.
375
00:26:41,020 --> 00:26:43,020
Stick to the booze.
376
00:26:43,060 --> 00:26:45,260
(CHUCKLES)
377
00:26:46,140 --> 00:26:48,220
A fellow foreigner, huh?
378
00:26:48,260 --> 00:26:50,180
Yes,
379
00:26:50,220 --> 00:26:53,220
although I consider myself
a citizen of the world.
380
00:26:53,260 --> 00:26:55,580
You look like you've been around.
381
00:26:55,620 --> 00:26:57,620
Hm. (CHUCKLES)
382
00:26:57,660 --> 00:26:59,660
Sailed the seven seas.
383
00:26:59,700 --> 00:27:01,380
Do you have a favourite?
384
00:27:01,420 --> 00:27:03,740
Hated all of them!
385
00:27:03,780 --> 00:27:05,780
Treacherous, cold...
386
00:27:05,820 --> 00:27:07,820
wet.
387
00:27:07,860 --> 00:27:09,700
Generally devoid of women.
388
00:27:09,740 --> 00:27:11,940
(LAUGHS RAUCOUSLY)
389
00:27:11,980 --> 00:27:13,700
(LAUGHS)
390
00:27:18,180 --> 00:27:20,180
(SHOUTS ANGRILY IN GREEK)
391
00:27:22,300 --> 00:27:24,300
(CONTINUES SHOUTING)
392
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:30,020
I am dressed perfectly respectably,
393
00:27:30,060 --> 00:27:32,980
unlike Ancient Greek men,
from all accounts.
394
00:27:33,020 --> 00:27:35,020
And I'm entitled to be here.
395
00:27:52,500 --> 00:27:55,060
I think you should take
a break from sunbathing...
396
00:27:55,100 --> 00:27:56,860
I am not going to be put off...
397
00:27:56,900 --> 00:27:59,220
...because your face
looks like a tomato.
398
00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:03,940
Oh!
399
00:28:03,980 --> 00:28:05,660
Exciting news!
400
00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:08,420
Why are you speaking quietly?
You never speak quietly.
401
00:28:08,460 --> 00:28:10,460
Because I don't want Mother to hear.
402
00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:12,220
God, why is everyone so dim?
403
00:28:12,260 --> 00:28:14,820
She's gone to the bank
to see if the money's arrived yet.
404
00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:17,780
Fortunately, we won't starve.
I've shot this beauty.
405
00:28:17,820 --> 00:28:19,940
She won't need her own money
if this works out.
406
00:28:19,980 --> 00:28:21,820
I've found her a man.
407
00:28:21,860 --> 00:28:23,980
- No? Who?
- His name's Captain Creech.
408
00:28:24,020 --> 00:28:26,900
Cracking sense of humour.
Stories to tell.
409
00:28:26,940 --> 00:28:30,900
Doesn't beat about the bush and,
well, he must have a few quid.
410
00:28:30,940 --> 00:28:32,900
This will go horribly wrong,
you know.
411
00:28:32,940 --> 00:28:35,700
- How will you get them together?
- I might leave it a few weeks.
412
00:28:35,740 --> 00:28:38,140
Her monthly's coming up
and she'll be more volat...
413
00:28:38,180 --> 00:28:40,220
Stop saying these things!
You are such a...
414
00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:42,740
The money's arrived
from the sale of our furniture.
415
00:28:42,780 --> 00:28:46,300
It's not much, but it might make us
feel a bit more like we belong.
416
00:28:51,780 --> 00:28:53,780
(SPEAKS IN GREEK)
417
00:29:01,580 --> 00:29:03,580
For Easter.
418
00:29:03,620 --> 00:29:05,900
- Parakalo.
- Efharisto.
419
00:29:26,580 --> 00:29:28,740
(SPEAKS GREEK)
420
00:29:57,860 --> 00:29:59,900
How are you feeling, Mother?
421
00:29:59,940 --> 00:30:02,780
Well... happier.
422
00:30:02,820 --> 00:30:05,380
Still livid that
you drove Lugaretzia away.
423
00:30:05,420 --> 00:30:08,940
And... hormonally?
424
00:30:08,980 --> 00:30:11,020
Don't be ridiculous!
425
00:30:11,060 --> 00:30:13,420
I'm bringing a pal over
for supper tonight.
426
00:30:13,460 --> 00:30:15,820
- Your age, as it happens.
- Oh.
427
00:30:15,860 --> 00:30:18,020
Well, our first guest.
428
00:30:18,060 --> 00:30:20,620
What shall I cook?
It will have to be mainly figs.
429
00:30:20,660 --> 00:30:23,660
Right, I'm off for the day.
430
00:30:29,180 --> 00:30:32,580
Did anyone notice anything
different about Leslie?
431
00:30:32,620 --> 00:30:34,740
I try not to look at him.
432
00:30:34,780 --> 00:30:37,230
- He is becoming very handsome.
- He really isn't.
433
00:30:37,260 --> 00:30:39,260
He left without a gun.
434
00:30:40,500 --> 00:30:42,620
I've never seen him without a gun.
435
00:30:52,700 --> 00:30:55,100
(MONK SHOUTS IN GREEK)
436
00:31:26,060 --> 00:31:28,980
God bless you.
437
00:31:32,980 --> 00:31:37,100
I didn't take a firearm this morning
because I'm over all that now.
438
00:31:37,140 --> 00:31:40,180
Oh. Oh, I'm so glad, Leslie.
439
00:31:40,220 --> 00:31:41,980
I just like exploring the island,
440
00:31:42,020 --> 00:31:44,620
you know, with a dictionary.
Talking to the locals.
441
00:31:44,660 --> 00:31:47,100
What's really going on?
Have you shot someone dead?
442
00:31:47,140 --> 00:31:49,420
Don't be silly, Margo.
443
00:31:49,460 --> 00:31:51,580
He's just growing up.
444
00:31:51,620 --> 00:31:54,100
Besides, it's the 1930s, darling.
445
00:31:54,140 --> 00:31:55,980
People don't need guns any more.
446
00:31:56,020 --> 00:31:58,300
Mother, this is Captain Creech.
447
00:31:58,340 --> 00:32:00,660
He's been looking forward
to meeting you.
448
00:32:00,700 --> 00:32:03,460
Well... (CHUCKLES) Mrs Durrell.
449
00:32:04,860 --> 00:32:08,300
With a face like that, you
should be on the front of a ship.
450
00:32:08,340 --> 00:32:10,140
Oh, thank you.
451
00:32:10,180 --> 00:32:12,420
A present for the house -
452
00:32:12,460 --> 00:32:15,460
a bottle of the finest rum
from Jamaica.
453
00:32:16,500 --> 00:32:19,660
Have you er... ever been to Jamaica?
454
00:32:19,700 --> 00:32:21,860
No, no, I haven't.
455
00:32:21,900 --> 00:32:24,180
The first place
I ever caught gonorrhoea.
456
00:32:24,220 --> 00:32:26,220
(LAUGHS WILDLY)
457
00:32:28,620 --> 00:32:31,220
So... there we were,
458
00:32:31,260 --> 00:32:35,260
a dozen Uruguayan strumpets
below deck
459
00:32:35,300 --> 00:32:39,100
and a ripping wind, straight out
of the arsehole of the Earth.
460
00:32:39,140 --> 00:32:41,140
(LAUGHS)
461
00:32:42,540 --> 00:32:45,260
My, this is good tucker.
462
00:32:46,420 --> 00:32:48,420
I like a girl who is er...
463
00:32:49,420 --> 00:32:51,300
...handy in the galley,
464
00:32:51,340 --> 00:32:53,380
as well as in bed.
465
00:32:53,420 --> 00:32:55,100
(CHUCKLES)
466
00:32:55,140 --> 00:32:57,460
- Where was I?
- Arsehole of the Earth.
467
00:32:57,500 --> 00:33:00,020
- Ah!
- Yes, that's quite enough of that story.
468
00:33:00,060 --> 00:33:02,340
Gerry, sing us a song.
Anything you like.
469
00:33:02,380 --> 00:33:05,300
- Where's your head?
- At the moment, it's pounding.
470
00:33:05,340 --> 00:33:07,300
It's nautical for...
471
00:33:07,340 --> 00:33:09,100
Crapper, dunny,
472
00:33:09,140 --> 00:33:10,940
thunder box.
473
00:33:10,980 --> 00:33:12,980
- I think he means the lavatory.
- Yes.
474
00:33:13,020 --> 00:33:15,380
Yes, I know that... now.
475
00:33:15,420 --> 00:33:17,460
It's round the back.
476
00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:19,660
Excuse me. (CHUCKLES)
477
00:33:20,740 --> 00:33:22,900
(BREAKS WIND)
478
00:33:24,940 --> 00:33:27,460
(What the hell
did you think you were doing,
479
00:33:27,500 --> 00:33:30,500
(bringing that filthy old lecher
into our house?)
480
00:33:30,540 --> 00:33:32,660
- He's a breath of fresh air.
- Oh!
481
00:33:32,700 --> 00:33:36,420
This is what happens
when women let men rule the roost.
482
00:33:47,620 --> 00:33:49,620
(SNORING)
483
00:33:49,660 --> 00:33:51,660
Get up!
484
00:33:57,900 --> 00:33:59,740
- Bye.
- Oh,
- Leslie.
485
00:33:59,780 --> 00:34:02,140
What are you doing today?
486
00:34:02,180 --> 00:34:04,180
Just walk around, chat with locals.
487
00:34:04,220 --> 00:34:06,540
Ask for work,
so I can help out with the money.
488
00:34:06,580 --> 00:34:08,580
Oh...
489
00:34:11,660 --> 00:34:13,740
- He's lying.
- I know.
490
00:34:13,780 --> 00:34:15,860
I just thought
I'd treat him like an adult.
491
00:34:15,900 --> 00:34:19,180
What were you treating him like when
you let him have half a dozen guns?
492
00:34:19,220 --> 00:34:20,740
I'm a mother, not a policeman.
493
00:34:20,780 --> 00:34:23,060
I thought
it might lead to some discipline,
494
00:34:23,100 --> 00:34:25,380
make a man of him,
with Daddy not being there.
495
00:34:25,420 --> 00:34:27,820
You'll discover,
if ever you have children...
496
00:34:27,860 --> 00:34:30,540
I am listening.
I'm just going into the garden.
497
00:34:41,500 --> 00:34:44,140
Stupid boy, where are you?
498
00:34:52,900 --> 00:34:54,900
(SPEAKS GREEK)
499
00:35:06,100 --> 00:35:07,980
Urgh!
500
00:35:40,835 --> 00:35:43,315
(YELLS) Sodding, bloody...
501
00:35:43,340 --> 00:35:45,220
Larry, please!
502
00:35:45,260 --> 00:35:47,980
I'm sure Virginia Woolf
doesn't swear like a trooper.
503
00:35:48,020 --> 00:35:51,180
Well, her brother didn't remove
the letter X from her typewriter.
504
00:35:51,220 --> 00:35:53,340
Why would Leslie do that?
505
00:35:53,380 --> 00:35:56,580
So I don't write the word "sex"
so much, apparently.
506
00:35:56,620 --> 00:36:00,140
It's all right. I'll get him back.
507
00:36:05,540 --> 00:36:10,660
Did I mention that your arse
should be on the front of a ship?
508
00:36:10,700 --> 00:36:13,380
Don't start that again.
We had quite enough last night.
509
00:36:13,420 --> 00:36:15,860
It's your fault
for letting me drink.
510
00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:18,860
Look below the surface -
511
00:36:18,900 --> 00:36:22,020
it's usually the ladies
that cause the problems.
512
00:36:22,060 --> 00:36:25,740
Look, I am astonished that
nobody has murdered you yet.
513
00:36:25,780 --> 00:36:27,780
Now, please leave!
514
00:36:28,180 --> 00:36:30,620
After you've made me
a spot of lunch.
515
00:36:31,940 --> 00:36:33,980
(TYPEWRITER CLATTERS)
516
00:36:34,020 --> 00:36:38,180
Shut up! Use a bloody pencil!
517
00:36:46,740 --> 00:36:48,820
(CUTLERY CLATTERS)
518
00:36:52,060 --> 00:36:54,940
(GASPS) Lugaretzia!
519
00:36:54,980 --> 00:36:56,980
Welcome back.
520
00:36:57,020 --> 00:36:59,500
It's been hell without you.
521
00:37:06,100 --> 00:37:08,540
Son of a bitz.
522
00:37:08,580 --> 00:37:10,980
I see Spiros has been teaching you.
523
00:37:11,020 --> 00:37:13,540
In England, we say "bastard".
524
00:37:15,220 --> 00:37:17,420
Barsto?
525
00:37:17,460 --> 00:37:19,460
- Bastard.
- Barsto.
526
00:37:22,260 --> 00:37:24,260
(Barsto.)
527
00:37:26,940 --> 00:37:29,100
I love him, Mum.
528
00:37:29,140 --> 00:37:31,140
Oh, Gerry, take it outside.
529
00:37:34,340 --> 00:37:36,620
Gerry, take him outside, now!
530
00:37:36,660 --> 00:37:39,940
- He'll escape.
- Not for a while, he won't.
531
00:37:39,980 --> 00:37:42,540
Gerry?
There's so much to see.
532
00:38:02,220 --> 00:38:04,740
Eat, then leave.
533
00:38:06,540 --> 00:38:09,380
I'm sorry if I've disappointed you.
534
00:38:09,420 --> 00:38:13,660
I've spent too much time
in the company of uncouth men.
535
00:38:14,940 --> 00:38:16,980
Oh. Well...
536
00:38:17,020 --> 00:38:19,060
thank you.
537
00:38:19,100 --> 00:38:21,100
I'm sorry, I... (SCREAMS)
538
00:38:24,060 --> 00:38:26,060
Get out!
539
00:38:26,980 --> 00:38:29,820
Fine. I'll just finish my lunch.
540
00:38:39,180 --> 00:38:40,900
Now, you leave...
541
00:38:40,940 --> 00:38:42,940
or I'll shoot you.
542
00:38:43,820 --> 00:38:45,820
No, you won't.
543
00:38:45,860 --> 00:38:47,860
(GUNSHOT)
544
00:38:50,780 --> 00:38:54,060
You are in great need of a slap!
545
00:38:59,700 --> 00:39:02,420
Oh, so it's OK for you to shoot
and nearly kill someone?
546
00:39:02,460 --> 00:39:04,380
Yes. Yes, it is.
547
00:39:04,420 --> 00:39:07,980
- Leslie, we told you - no more shooting!
- It wasn't me!
548
00:39:08,020 --> 00:39:11,420
That is the last time you try
to find me a husband. Is that clear?
549
00:39:11,460 --> 00:39:14,380
Are you sure? I met
a fascinating Turk in a bar in town.
550
00:39:14,420 --> 00:39:16,820
And how did you think
I would fall for...
551
00:39:16,860 --> 00:39:18,980
Popeye the bloody Sailor Man?!
552
00:39:19,020 --> 00:39:21,060
And he's not "my age"!
553
00:39:21,100 --> 00:39:22,900
We think the sex will calm you down.
554
00:39:22,940 --> 00:39:24,700
God!
555
00:39:24,740 --> 00:39:26,820
Your father was the love of my life,
556
00:39:26,860 --> 00:39:29,540
and I don't want or need
a pale imitation of him.
557
00:39:29,580 --> 00:39:31,940
Well, I find that rather sad.
558
00:39:31,980 --> 00:39:34,300
You may have given up...
559
00:39:34,340 --> 00:39:36,340
but we haven't.
560
00:39:50,820 --> 00:39:52,820
(SQUAWKS)
561
00:40:20,580 --> 00:40:22,580
Ooh!
562
00:40:23,980 --> 00:40:26,100
Oh, where have you been?
563
00:40:26,140 --> 00:40:28,100
I was following Leslie
and I got lost.
564
00:40:28,140 --> 00:40:31,620
I tried to ask the way home, but
nobody's bothered to learn English.
565
00:40:31,660 --> 00:40:35,780
Anyway,
Leslie's lost his interest in guns
566
00:40:35,820 --> 00:40:37,540
because he's got a girlfriend.
567
00:40:37,580 --> 00:40:39,220
A what?
568
00:40:39,260 --> 00:40:42,020
I found him with a local girl,
kissing and worse.
569
00:40:42,060 --> 00:40:44,180
Oh!
570
00:40:44,220 --> 00:40:48,100
Well, maybe it was a good idea
to come out here after all.
571
00:40:48,140 --> 00:40:50,380
I mention wanting a boyfriend,
572
00:40:50,420 --> 00:40:52,620
and you call me
empty-headed and sex-mad.
573
00:40:52,660 --> 00:40:54,940
But Leslie finds someone,
and he's a hero?
574
00:40:54,980 --> 00:40:58,780
Firstly, Margo, I am thrilled
that you are thinking for yourself
575
00:40:58,820 --> 00:41:01,220
and highlighting double standards.
Thank you.
576
00:41:01,260 --> 00:41:02,900
And secondly...
577
00:41:02,940 --> 00:41:05,340
don't you dare be so bloody rude
to your mother.
578
00:41:05,380 --> 00:41:07,380
Good, I'll find myself a man, then.
579
00:41:11,780 --> 00:41:13,940
- (GASPS)
- Hello, Luga. Glad you're back.
580
00:41:13,980 --> 00:41:16,340
This short story is genius.
581
00:41:16,380 --> 00:41:18,380
Oh? Who wrote it?
Me.
582
00:41:28,100 --> 00:41:29,820
(HORN HOOTS)
583
00:41:29,860 --> 00:41:32,260
Look who I find walking home!
584
00:41:32,300 --> 00:41:34,020
Mum.
585
00:41:34,060 --> 00:41:37,700
Gerry, you have a spider, two
dormice, a tortoise and a family.
586
00:41:37,740 --> 00:41:39,620
You do not need a pelican.
587
00:41:39,660 --> 00:41:41,900
- Let it go.
- I will after I've studied it.
588
00:41:41,940 --> 00:41:43,940
(CHUCKLES)
589
00:41:45,380 --> 00:41:47,460
It's not funny, Spiros.
590
00:41:47,500 --> 00:41:49,500
No, of course not.
591
00:41:49,540 --> 00:41:51,740
Come on, Gerry,
we'll make a zoo cage!
592
00:41:54,220 --> 00:41:56,220
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
593
00:41:57,340 --> 00:41:59,700
Larry, we need
to talk about your writing.
594
00:41:59,740 --> 00:42:01,900
We'll deal with you
being a peeping Tom later.
595
00:42:01,940 --> 00:42:04,220
I'm sorry you don't like it,
but I refuse to let...
596
00:42:04,260 --> 00:42:06,260
No, it's brilliant.
597
00:42:07,300 --> 00:42:09,420
But why is the mother so horrible?
598
00:42:09,460 --> 00:42:11,300
Everything isn't about you.
599
00:42:11,340 --> 00:42:13,900
Oh, nothing is about me.
600
00:42:13,940 --> 00:42:17,820
My life is devoured by my children.
601
00:42:17,860 --> 00:42:22,980
In 21 years I haven't thought about
myself for five consecutive minutes.
602
00:42:24,420 --> 00:42:26,700
But it's good, isn't it?
603
00:42:26,740 --> 00:42:28,820
Did you like the ending?
604
00:42:28,860 --> 00:42:31,220
Yes, Larry, it's very good.
605
00:42:31,260 --> 00:42:33,940
You're going to make us very proud.
606
00:42:33,980 --> 00:42:36,020
In this family?
607
00:42:37,020 --> 00:42:41,420
You're going to make us
mildly pleased in a complicated way.
608
00:42:44,580 --> 00:42:46,580
Come and look at this.
609
00:42:50,180 --> 00:42:52,340
The rocks, just by the chapel.
610
00:42:52,380 --> 00:42:54,380
Oh!
611
00:42:56,500 --> 00:42:58,500
That's my girl.
612
00:42:59,580 --> 00:43:01,660
Hello!
613
00:43:01,700 --> 00:43:03,380
Mrs Durrell?
614
00:43:03,420 --> 00:43:06,780
Theodore Stephanides.
Delighted to finally meet you.
615
00:43:15,620 --> 00:43:17,780
(MURMURS)
616
00:43:17,820 --> 00:43:20,620
I suspect you need
a cross-piece there.
617
00:43:20,660 --> 00:43:23,020
Here.
618
00:43:23,060 --> 00:43:26,180
I believe it's called
erm... a purlin.
619
00:43:27,060 --> 00:43:30,500
Leslie,
what's your new girlfriend's name?
620
00:43:30,540 --> 00:43:32,620
How do you know about her.
621
00:43:32,660 --> 00:43:35,260
I know everything, darling.
I'm your mother.
622
00:43:35,980 --> 00:43:38,100
She's called Alexia.
623
00:43:38,140 --> 00:43:40,140
It's the loveliest name.
624
00:43:40,180 --> 00:43:44,460
And if you ever want to type it,
you'll have to give Larry his X back.
625
00:43:47,060 --> 00:43:49,020
To koritsi mou,
626
00:43:49,060 --> 00:43:51,100
I Alexia einai...
627
00:43:51,140 --> 00:43:53,140
(ATTEMPTS TO SPEAK GREEK)
628
00:43:53,180 --> 00:43:55,340
(LAUGHS HEARTILY) Leslie!
629
00:43:57,300 --> 00:43:59,180
(SPEAKS GREEK)
630
00:43:59,220 --> 00:44:01,420
Why are you so good to us, Spiros?
631
00:44:01,460 --> 00:44:03,460
We have no money.
We argue all the time.
632
00:44:03,500 --> 00:44:06,260
We have a word, philoxenia.
633
00:44:06,300 --> 00:44:08,540
It means "love to strangers".
634
00:44:08,580 --> 00:44:10,580
That is so sweet.
635
00:44:10,620 --> 00:44:13,060
And it's clear you need help.
636
00:44:13,100 --> 00:44:15,100
(YELLS) Sodding, bloody!
637
00:44:19,420 --> 00:44:22,180
Lugaretzia,
how do you say this in Greek?
638
00:44:22,220 --> 00:44:24,500
(LUGARETZIA SPEAKS GREEK)
639
00:44:24,540 --> 00:44:26,540
(LESLIE COPIES HER)
640
00:44:41,540 --> 00:44:43,940
That is my revenge on you, Leslie.
641
00:44:43,980 --> 00:44:45,980
An X for an X.
642
00:44:49,100 --> 00:44:51,260
I just made them look less violent!
643
00:44:51,300 --> 00:44:53,340
Does anyone live here?
644
00:44:53,380 --> 00:44:55,380
Oh!
645
00:44:57,580 --> 00:44:59,580
Somebody died?
646
00:45:03,900 --> 00:45:06,540
My friends Donald and Max.
647
00:45:06,580 --> 00:45:08,780
I invited them over.
648
00:45:08,820 --> 00:45:09,900
Oh.
649
00:45:09,940 --> 00:45:12,580
Gosh, who's this?
650
00:45:18,260 --> 00:45:20,220
(SIGHS)
651
00:45:20,260 --> 00:45:23,460
I went to the bank again today.
Still no sign of our money.
652
00:45:23,500 --> 00:45:25,220
(SHOUTS IN GREEK)
653
00:45:25,260 --> 00:45:27,220
We're going to have to get jobs,
aren't we?
654
00:45:27,260 --> 00:45:29,140
Why are they putting the table
in the sea?
655
00:45:29,180 --> 00:45:32,060
It was Leslie's idea.
He doesn't have many.
656
00:45:32,100 --> 00:45:33,660
How dare you!
657
00:45:33,700 --> 00:45:35,540
- Yia sas.
- You too.
658
00:45:35,580 --> 00:45:37,420
Leslie!
659
00:45:37,460 --> 00:45:38,900
It's my eldest boy.
660
00:45:38,940 --> 00:45:41,260
Please, help us.
47084
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