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1
00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:05,536
Hang on,
let me just pick up a paper.
2
00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:07,635
Excuse me. Would you mind...
3
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:10,800
- watching my bag for a minute?
- Yeah, no problem.
4
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,912
- Let's go.
- Well, I gotta watch this guy's bag.
5
00:00:14,749 --> 00:00:19,149
- For how long?
- I'm sure he'll be back in a second.
6
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:22,955
- Nice stuff.
- Come on.
7
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,955
Excuse me, sir. Would you mind
watching my bag for a second?
8
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,062
Why? So I can stand here
like an idiot...
9
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,391
not knowing
if you'll ever come back?
10
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:36,863
- Where are you going?
- I'm gonna be this guy's friend.
11
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:44,907
- New clothes?
- Yeah, I did some shopping.
12
00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:47,411
Some new-clothes shopping.
13
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:49,546
Can I borrow your menu?
14
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,981
Strange, for new pants
there's noticeable wear...
15
00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,053
on the buttocks of those chinos.
16
00:00:54,956 --> 00:00:57,388
Wait, those are the clothes
from the bag.
17
00:00:58,025 --> 00:00:59,422
The guy never came back.
18
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,925
He asked you to watch them,
not wear them.
19
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:04,291
I'm still watching them.
20
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:08,525
- You look like a tourist.
- All right. Let me ask you something.
21
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,569
When do you start to worry
about ear hair?
22
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:14,770
When you hear, like, a soft rustling.
23
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,241
Puberty that never stops.
24
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,379
Ear puberty, nose puberty,
knuckle puberty.
25
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,538
You gotta be vigilant.
26
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,314
All right. Let me ask you this:
27
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,418
You know
where Walker Street is downtown?
28
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:28,020
- I got a league meeting there.
- Oh, right, the new job.
29
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,178
- Yeah.
- How is it?
30
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:32,655
I love it. New office, new salary.
I'm the new Wilhelm.
31
00:01:32,727 --> 00:01:34,124
So who's the new you?
32
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:37,492
They got an intern
from Francis Lewis High.
33
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:41,125
His name is Keith.
He comes in Mondays after school.
34
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,968
- Hi, Alex.
- I'm sorry I'm late.
35
00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:44,604
- Have you ordered yet?
- No.
36
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:46,239
I'll be right back.
37
00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:49,839
Where are you meeting these women?
When they get off the bus...
38
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,945
- at the Port Authority?
- Right here, George. In here.
39
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:58,980
Try opening this up. You'll find
the biggest dating scene in the world.
40
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,818
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
41
00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:11,459
- Hey.
- Hey.
42
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:13,224
- Hi.
- Where's Jerry?
43
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,492
Well, he's in the shower.
44
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,193
- You want me to get him?
- No, no, no.
45
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,630
Actually,
I kind of need to speak to you.
46
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:22,867
Oh, well, let's sit down.
47
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:34,585
Kramer, remember that whole deal
with you selling Peterman...
48
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,918
your stories for his book,
and then he gave them back to you?
49
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,555
Vaguely.
50
00:02:40,895 --> 00:02:45,796
Well, I was kind of
short on material...
51
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:49,060
and I put them
in the book anyway.
52
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:52,000
You put my life stories
in his autobiography?
53
00:02:52,073 --> 00:02:53,970
Kramer, listen,
it is such a stupid book.
54
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:58,202
- It doesn't matter.
- No, no. Sure it matters.
55
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,372
I've broken through, huh?
56
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:06,748
I'm part of popular culture now.
Listen, I'd like to thank Mr. Peterman.
57
00:03:06,821 --> 00:03:09,583
He's doing a book signing
at Waldenbooks this afternoon.
58
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:13,625
Waldenbooks.
That's a major chain, huh?
59
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,624
Hey, Jerry,
I'm going to Waldenbooks.
60
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:20,392
Oh, get out! Get out!
I don't wanna live like this!
61
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,665
All right, let's go.
62
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:30,866
- Mr. Lippman, how are you?
- How are you?
63
00:03:30,945 --> 00:03:34,742
- Well, I'm not bad. Not bad.
- What are you doing here?
64
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:37,907
I work for Pendant Publishing.
This is our book.
65
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,146
If you can call it that.
66
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:44,918
Why is it every half-wit and sitcom star
has his own book out now?
67
00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:50,826
Hey, buddy. Remember me?
68
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:54,092
You're that gangly fellow
we bought the stories from.
69
00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:57,726
Yeah, I'm just here to do my part.
What's your name, darling?
70
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,668
- Who are you?
- Oh, I'm...
71
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,671
Let me use your pen, will you?
72
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:03,899
I'm the real Peterman.
73
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:07,105
All right, playtime's over.
74
00:04:07,882 --> 00:04:09,347
Relax, man.
75
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:12,610
There's enough juice here
to keep us all fat and giggly.
76
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,488
I can't believe somebody
pulled the top off this muffin.
77
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:18,124
That was me. I'm sorry, I...
78
00:04:18,192 --> 00:04:21,090
I don't like the stumps.
79
00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:25,156
- So you just eat the tops?
- Oh, yeah, it's the best part.
80
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:27,664
It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's...
81
00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:30,599
It's where the muffin
breaks free of the pan...
82
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:33,467
and sort of does its own thing.
83
00:04:35,209 --> 00:04:39,211
I'll tell you, that's a million-dollar idea
right there. Just sell the tops.
84
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,508
Okay. Let's go, slim. That's enough.
85
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,344
- I have a right to be here.
- Come on.
86
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:47,715
These are my fans.
Hey, you're hurting my elbow.
87
00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:52,523
Try looking up, hayseed.
88
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:56,827
You wanna sightsee, get on a bus.
89
00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:00,424
Please don't think
all New Yorkers are so rude.
90
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,899
- Well, no, actually I'm...
- I'm Mary Anne.
91
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,970
I work for the New York
Visitors Center.
92
00:05:05,039 --> 00:05:07,004
Where are you visiting from?
93
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:10,606
Little Rock, Arkansas.
94
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,545
That looks new.
95
00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:33,197
So get this:
Peterman has his henchmen...
96
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:35,995
forcefully eject me
from the book signing.
97
00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:38,695
Like I'm some sort of maniac.
98
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,940
- Yeah, that's too bad.
- What's the matter with you?
99
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,941
- Nothing.
- No, no, no, don't give me that.
100
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,808
I know you. Something's wrong.
What is it? What happened?
101
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:51,917
- I did something stupid.
- What did you do?
102
00:05:51,986 --> 00:05:53,917
- Well, I was shaving...
- Yeah.
103
00:05:53,988 --> 00:05:57,023
and I noticed an asymmetry
in my chest hair.
104
00:05:57,224 --> 00:06:00,919
And I was trying to even it out.
And the next thing I knew:
105
00:06:00,995 --> 00:06:02,426
Gone.
106
00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:06,193
Don't you know you're not supposed
to poke around down there?
107
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:08,961
- Well, women do it.
- "Well, women do it."
108
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:12,264
Well, I'll tell you what. I'll pick you up
a sundress and a parasol...
109
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:15,966
and you can just sashay your pretty
little self around the town square.
110
00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:18,735
- Well, what am I gonna tell Alex?
- Now, you listen to me.
111
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:21,972
You don't tell anybody about this.
No one. You hear me?
112
00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:23,472
- Hey.
- Hey.
113
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,811
- Jerry shaved his chest.
- Hey!
114
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,882
I forgot. Wait, never mind.
115
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,460
You couldn't pay me enough
to ride a horse in this city.
116
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:37,688
I mean, it's hard enough to cross
the street in a pair of sneakers...
117
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:41,631
Iet alone six feet in the air
on a jittery, glassy-eyed dinosaur.
118
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:44,134
How about the beach this weekend?
119
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,906
Well, you couldn't pay me enough
to go to the beach on a weekend.
120
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,635
- I mean, it's hard enough to park...
- All right, all right.
121
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:54,540
Is that a Mexican Hairless?
I love those.
122
00:06:54,615 --> 00:07:00,483
Oh, hairless. This is where it's at.
It's so much smoother and cleaner.
123
00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:02,612
Really?
124
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:06,816
Excuse me.
Are you eating a muffin top?
125
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,485
Yeah, a muffin-top store
just opened up down the street.
126
00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:13,797
- A muffin-top store?
- What did I just say?
127
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,613
Top of the muffin to you.
128
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:29,948
Elaine.
129
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,814
Mr. Lippman?
130
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:36,648
So you're pretending to be a tourist?
131
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,955
It's beautiful.
132
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:41,155
She makes all the plans.
133
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:44,729
I'm not from around here,
so it's okay if I'm stupid.
134
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,764
And she knows
I'm only in town visiting...
135
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,994
so there's no messy breakups.
136
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:53,697
- How do you explain your apartment?
- I got a hotel room.
137
00:07:54,108 --> 00:07:56,005
You moved into a hotel?
138
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:59,805
Well, I don't know anyone here, Jerry.
Where else am I gonna stay?
139
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:04,984
So get this: We're in the park today.
Alex goes wild for this hairless dog.
140
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,818
- So?
- So I figured...
141
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:10,684
since she likes one hairless animal,
why not another?
142
00:08:11,125 --> 00:08:12,886
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
143
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,925
- You tell her you shaved it?
- Are you nuts?
144
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:18,030
I don't want her to think
I'm one of those low-rise briefs guys...
145
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,098
who shaves his chest.
146
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:24,226
Hey, Jerry!
147
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:31,170
I'm starting a Peterman
Reality Bus Tour. Check it out.
148
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,143
Reality tour?
149
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:39,775
The last thing this guy is qualified
to give a tour of is reality.
150
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:43,185
This was my idea.
You stole my idea.
151
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:46,520
Elaine, these ideas are all in the air.
They're in the air.
152
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:49,218
Oh, well, then, if that air
is coming out of this face...
153
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,387
then it is my air and my idea.
154
00:08:51,465 --> 00:08:54,295
- You want a muffin or not?
- Peach.
155
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,701
So I've noticed you don't have
much of an accent.
156
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:05,573
Yeah, my parents have it.
Sometimes it skips a generation.
157
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:09,415
So I was thinking maybe tonight
we could go back to my hotel.
158
00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:11,517
I got SpectraVision.
159
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:14,251
First five minutes free.
160
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,218
Look, George...
161
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:20,189
I'm really enjoying
spending time with you...
162
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:23,090
but I'm not sure
this is gonna work out.
163
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:26,255
At some point you're going back
to your job at Tyler Chicken...
164
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,424
and your three-legged dog, Willy.
165
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,064
And I'm still gonna be here.
166
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:38,177
Well, what if I told you
I'm thinking of moving here?
167
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:44,774
George, no offense,
but this city would eat you alive.
168
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:55,025
You're moving to New York?
That's fantastic.
169
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:59,129
I can see you all the time now.
170
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:03,963
Eat me alive, huh?
We'll see who can make it in this town.
171
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:09,302
- What is it she thinks you can't do?
- Find a job, get an apartment.
172
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:11,205
How did you do those things?
173
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:15,807
Never mind, they're done.
All I have to do now is redo them.
174
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:19,146
You know, if you take everything
I've accomplished in my entire life...
175
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,550
and condense it down into one day,
it looks decent.
176
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:28,118
Hey, what were you doing
with that bus yesterday?
177
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:31,958
Here you go. Here you go.
Check it out.
178
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,528
"The Real Peterman
Reality Bus Tour."
179
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:38,170
- I'm confused.
- That Peterman book is big business.
180
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,499
People wanna know
the stories behind the stories.
181
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:42,801
Nobody wants to go
on a three-hour bus tour...
182
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,308
of a totally unknown person's life.
183
00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:50,178
I'm only charging $37.50, plus you get
a pizza bagel and dessert.
184
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:53,615
- What's dessert?
- Bite-size 3 Musketeers.
185
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,850
Just like the real Peterman eats.
186
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:59,117
- He eats those?
- No, I eat those.
187
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,257
I'm the real Peterman.
188
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:02,992
- I don't...
- Wait a minute.
189
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,456
I think I understand this.
190
00:11:05,566 --> 00:11:08,601
J. Peterman is real.
His biography is not.
191
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:10,703
Now, you, Kramer, are real.
192
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:13,863
- Talk to me.
- But your life is Peterman's.
193
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:16,509
Now, the bus tour, which is real...
194
00:11:16,577 --> 00:11:18,941
takes you to places that,
while they are real...
195
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:22,138
they are not real in the sense
that they did not really happen...
196
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,340
to the real Peterman, which is you.
197
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:29,244
- Understand?
- Yeah, it's 37.50 for a 3 Musketeers.
198
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:37,896
Elaine, I'm in over my head.
Nobody likes my muffin tops.
199
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:40,056
So? What do you want
me to do about it?
200
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:43,066
You're the muffin-top expert.
Tell me what I'm doing wrong.
201
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:46,535
Mr. Lippman, when I worked for you
at Pendant Publishing...
202
00:11:46,607 --> 00:11:50,165
I believed in you, you know,
as a man of integrity.
203
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:55,303
But when I saw you
in that paper hat and that apron...
204
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,814
What if I cut you in
for 30 percent of the profits?
205
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,179
Deal. Here's your problem:
206
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,119
You're making just the muffin tops.
207
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:08,057
- What do you mean?
- You gotta make the whole muffin.
208
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,924
Then you...
209
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:15,730
pop the top, toss the stump.
210
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:18,935
Taste.
211
00:12:23,377 --> 00:12:26,469
- So, what do we do with the bottoms?
- Give them to a soup kitchen.
212
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:28,841
- It's a good idea.
- And one more thing.
213
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,245
Do you really think
we need the exclamation point?
214
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:35,821
Because it's not,
"Top of the muffin to you!"
215
00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:37,513
No, no, it is.
216
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:42,286
Hey, Jerry.
217
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:44,362
What's this?
218
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,364
Lady Gillette?
219
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:50,094
Oh, what's going on?
220
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:51,895
- Hey.
- What?
221
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,563
- Jeez.
- Can't I get a moment's peace?
222
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:59,007
- What are you doing to yourself?
- I can't stop.
223
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:03,749
- Alex thinks I'm naturally hairless.
- What? You can't keep this up.
224
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:05,475
Don't you know
what's gonna happen?
225
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:09,486
Every time you shave it, it's gonna
come in thicker and fuller and darker.
226
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:14,025
- Oh, that's an old wives' tale.
- Is it? Look at this.
227
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:19,662
- What is...? What is that?
- Look at it! Look at it!
228
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:24,831
It's all me.
I shaved there when I was a lifeguard.
229
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:29,239
Oh, come on. That's genetic.
That's not gonna happen to me.
230
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:33,505
Won't it?
Or has it already started to happen?
231
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:37,511
Look at this, we're cleaning up.
232
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:40,744
Oh, Reuben, get me another tray
of low-fat cranberry, please.
233
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:45,785
Excuse me. I'm Rebecca DeMornay,
from the homeless shelter.
234
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:48,587
- Oh, hi.
- Are you the ones...
235
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:50,992
Ieaving those muffin pieces
behind our shelter?
236
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,928
- You've been enjoying them?
- They're just stumps.
237
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,899
- Well, they're perfectly edible.
- Oh, so you just assume...
238
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,369
the homeless will eat them?
They'll eat anything?
239
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,667
- No, we just thought...
- I know what you thought:
240
00:14:02,743 --> 00:14:04,674
"They don't have homes.
Don't have jobs.
241
00:14:04,745 --> 00:14:08,246
What do they need the top of a muffin
for? They're lucky to get the stumps."
242
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:11,907
If the homeless don't like them,
the homeless don't have to eat them.
243
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,986
The homeless don't like them.
We've never had so many complaints.
244
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,419
Every two minutes:
"Where's the top of this muffin?
245
00:14:17,491 --> 00:14:19,889
- Who ate the rest?"
- We were just trying to help.
246
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,585
Why don't you drop off
chicken skins and lobster shells?
247
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,457
I think I might.
248
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,928
I can't believe
you found something so quickly.
249
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,432
- How much are you paying?
- Twenty-three hundred.
250
00:14:29,503 --> 00:14:32,401
- Ouch, a month?
- Yeah.
251
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,035
Well, I guess that's all right for now.
252
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:38,644
But if you stay here more than
a few months, you're a real sucker.
253
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,640
Yeah, well, I.... I got lots
of other stuff to show you too.
254
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:46,217
Wait till you see
the plum job that I landed.
255
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:49,419
Yeah, we should let this place
air out anyway.
256
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:52,786
It smells like the last tenant
had monkeys or something.
257
00:14:58,665 --> 00:14:59,857
Coming up on the right...
258
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:02,695
if you glance up, you'll just make out
my bedroom window.
259
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,803
It's the one
that's covered in chicken wire.
260
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:07,462
Hey, if you're the real Peterman...
261
00:15:07,541 --> 00:15:10,109
how come you're wearing
those ratty clothes?
262
00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:14,379
- What?
- Well, they're not very romantic.
263
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,775
Well, that's your opinion.
264
00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:19,112
Can I have another 3 Musketeers?
They're rather small.
265
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:20,617
Forget it.
266
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:23,153
Okay, Newman's postal route
is around here somewhere.
267
00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:25,018
- Who's Newman?
- Who cares?
268
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:28,217
Hey, fake Peterman, let me off.
I'm nauseous.
269
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:29,623
Can I have his candy bar?
270
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:32,121
Everyone just settle down.
271
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,423
Okay, we got three hours left
on this thing...
272
00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:38,162
and I can't drive and argue
with you rubes all at the same time.
273
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:43,635
Okay, Lomez's place of worship
is right on the right here.
274
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:48,703
- Why do I have to go on the tour?
- Jerry, you're a minor celebrity.
275
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,715
You know, if you go on this thing,
it could create a minor stir.
276
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:54,012
You can bring that little girlfriend
of yours...
277
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,984
and I'll only charge you 60 bucks.
278
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:57,987
- Hey.
- Hey.
279
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:01,150
- How's business?
- Oh, I got stump trouble.
280
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:03,626
The sanitation department
won't get rid of them all.
281
00:16:03,697 --> 00:16:06,493
I can't get a truck to haul this stuff
until next week.
282
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,226
Meanwhile, I'm sitting
on a mountain of stumps.
283
00:16:10,871 --> 00:16:12,233
All right.
284
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,397
I gotta hose the puke
off the floor of the bus.
285
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:18,476
Bus? Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Bus? You got a bus?
286
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,977
- Yeah. Yeah.
- You got any room on that thing?
287
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:23,081
Yeah, there are a few seats
still available.
288
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:25,979
Do you think you could
transport some stumps for me?
289
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:28,052
I'll make it worth your while.
290
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,985
Well, if they don't mind
sitting in the back.
291
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:33,685
No, they don't.
292
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,852
Are they war veterans?
293
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:42,898
This is your office?
294
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:45,094
Oh, hello. Sorry, George...
295
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,468
didn't know you had a girl in here.
Leave a signal on the doorknob...
296
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:51,439
Iike a necktie or a sock or something.
Come on, help me out.
297
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,602
Mr. Steinbrenner,
I would like to thank you...
298
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,544
for taking a chance
on a hen supervisor at Tyler Chicken...
299
00:16:56,616 --> 00:17:00,379
- Iike our boy George here.
- Hen supervisor from Tyler Chicken?
300
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,714
Yes, very nice for her
to have met you, sir.
301
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,117
Wait a minute, George.
302
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:07,316
Be right with you.
Look, Mr. Steinbrenner...
303
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:10,054
Moonlighting for Tyler Chicken.
Pretty impressive, George.
304
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,562
Days with the New York Yankees,
nights in Arkansas...
305
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:15,530
with a topflight bird outfit.
And a hen supervisor, to boot.
306
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:19,229
I am blown. Blown away.
307
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:23,968
Blown, George. Blown!
308
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,041
You know,
when you make a pizza bagel...
309
00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:31,081
you really shouldn't
use cinnamon raisin.
310
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:34,277
You also shouldn't use a doughnut.
311
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:43,988
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Peterman Reality Tour.
312
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,791
Turn music off.
313
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:49,332
- Kramer, can we just go?
- And go we will.
314
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,493
What is this? Pizza pound cake?
315
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,730
Well, we have a bonus
ultra-reality stop today.
316
00:17:53,807 --> 00:17:57,809
We're gonna be hauling muffin stumps
to the local repository.
317
00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:01,242
- We're going to a garbage dump?
- And we're off.
318
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:06,076
You know, I never thought he'd
be able to re-create the experience...
319
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:09,119
of actually knowing him,
but this is pretty close.
320
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:16,293
Don Tyler? George Steinbrenner here.
I wanna talk about George Costanza.
321
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:19,125
I understand he's been
dividing his time between us and you.
322
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,665
- I cannot have that.
- Well, I don't know who he is...
323
00:18:21,735 --> 00:18:24,531
but if you want him that bad,
I'm not giving up that easy.
324
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:27,434
Oh, is that so? Playing a little
hardball, huh, Donny boy?
325
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:30,235
How about this:
You give me Costanza.
326
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:33,504
I convert your concessions
to all chicken, no charge.
327
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:37,013
Instead of hot dogs, chicken dogs.
Instead of pretzels, chicken twists.
328
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:40,152
- Instead of beer, alcoholic chicken.
- How do you make...
329
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:43,289
- that alcoholic chicken?
- They ferment, just like anything else.
330
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:47,756
That stuff sounds great. All right,
I'll have Costanza on the next bus.
331
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,692
Hey, hey, hey.
Where do you think you're going?
332
00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:57,200
- Well, I was gonna dump this.
- It doesn't look like garbage.
333
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,498
- Well, it's muffin stumps.
- Where are the muffin tops?
334
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:01,799
This is a garbage dump.
335
00:19:01,875 --> 00:19:04,239
- Just let me dump it.
- Can't do it.
336
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:10,007
- Is this a joke?
- That's what I like to know about it.
337
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:14,611
You have a pretty heavy beard,
don't you?
338
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:15,879
- What's that?
- Well, look.
339
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:21,687
- It's almost time for you to shave again.
- Oh, yeah.
340
00:19:23,063 --> 00:19:26,758
Well, maybe I will take it up
with Consumer Affairs!
341
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,466
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
you're in for an additional treat.
342
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:35,335
We're going to extend the tour
at no extra charge.
343
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,567
- Where are we going?
- I don't know.
344
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,735
No more questions.
345
00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:06,465
So the New York Yankees traded you
for a bunch of Tyler Chicken?
346
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:12,202
Dogs, twists,
and a fermented chicken drink.
347
00:20:12,846 --> 00:20:16,040
Hey, aren't you the guy
I asked to watch my clothes?
348
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:17,715
- What clothes?
- These clothes.
349
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:19,044
The ones you're wearing.
350
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,189
- Kramer, how much longer?
- What?
351
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:29,055
My chest hair's growing back,
and it's itching me like crazy.
352
00:20:29,129 --> 00:20:31,663
- I can't let her see me scratch it.
- Well, don't worry.
353
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:36,291
- I got a good feeling about this dump.
- I tell you, man, I'm losing it.
354
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:48,407
I can't sit on this bus anymore.
355
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:51,072
I think I'll go play with that dog.
356
00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:55,150
I don't know where the tops are.
357
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:03,126
Jerry, what's the matter?
358
00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:23,040
That feels good.
359
00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:32,522
- Oh, hey, you looking for George?
- Yes.
360
00:21:32,592 --> 00:21:36,253
He's been in the bathroom a while.
You might wanna check on him.
361
00:21:37,230 --> 00:21:39,298
Jerry, you gotta bring me
some clothes here.
362
00:21:39,365 --> 00:21:40,830
I lost my job with the Yankees.
363
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:43,833
I'm standing in a men's room
on 43rd Street in my underpants.
364
00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:47,495
I told you
this city would eat you alive.
365
00:21:49,943 --> 00:21:52,841
And I think my relationship's
in trouble.
366
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:58,740
- What is this guy again?
- They call him a cleaner.
367
00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:01,546
He makes problems go away.
368
00:22:19,339 --> 00:22:21,430
- Hello, Elaine.
- Where did you get the car?
369
00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:23,268
It's a rental.
370
00:22:24,110 --> 00:22:26,610
- Where are they?
- In the back.
371
00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:30,416
All right. I'm gonna need
a clean eight-ounce glass.
372
00:22:30,483 --> 00:22:31,880
What is going on here?
373
00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:35,714
If I'm curt, then I apologize.
374
00:22:35,822 --> 00:22:38,413
But as I understand it,
we have a situation here.
375
00:22:38,491 --> 00:22:40,889
And time is of the essence.
31110
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