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1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:04,085
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,153 --> 00:00:06,121
Woody's a
married man, huh? Yeah.
3
00:00:06,188 --> 00:00:08,156
Yeah, what a lucky guy.
4
00:00:08,224 --> 00:00:09,557
Indeed, he is.
5
00:00:09,625 --> 00:00:11,593
There's nothing
like wedded bliss.
6
00:00:11,660 --> 00:00:13,595
Plus, he's got
that wedding ring.
7
00:00:13,662 --> 00:00:16,897
Now, that is a
real babe magnet.
8
00:00:16,949 --> 00:00:19,017
Please, it's an old wives' tale.
9
00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:20,352
Not so.
Yeah?
10
00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:22,653
Oh, it's been scientifically
proven that women
11
00:00:22,654 --> 00:00:24,722
are more attracted
to married men.
12
00:00:25,758 --> 00:00:27,559
The whole notion is ridiculous.
13
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,127
Look, I'll...
I'll prove it to you.
14
00:00:29,128 --> 00:00:31,146
You see those two attractive
young females over there?
15
00:00:31,147 --> 00:00:32,431
I'll go over and hit on them
16
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:33,849
relentlessly, all the while
17
00:00:33,850 --> 00:00:35,400
displaying my wedding ring.
18
00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:38,570
See how long it takes them
to give me the cold shoulder.
19
00:00:48,497 --> 00:00:49,830
Hi.
20
00:00:49,831 --> 00:00:53,001
You two ladies
need some company?
21
00:00:53,002 --> 00:00:55,670
Oh, sure, I'm married, but, uh,
you know, I'm not dead.
22
00:00:55,671 --> 00:00:57,572
(laughing)
23
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,073
I figure, well, uh...
24
00:01:06,265 --> 00:01:08,499
Lilith is here, isn't she?
25
00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:10,135
(theme song begins)
26
00:01:14,206 --> 00:01:16,508
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
27
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:19,727
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
28
00:01:19,795 --> 00:01:22,397
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
29
00:01:22,464 --> 00:01:25,866
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
30
00:01:25,934 --> 00:01:29,770
♪ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ♪
31
00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:33,325
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
32
00:01:33,392 --> 00:01:37,796
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
33
00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:43,701
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
34
00:01:43,769 --> 00:01:45,970
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
35
00:01:46,038 --> 00:01:48,539
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
36
00:01:48,607 --> 00:01:52,793
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
37
00:01:54,079 --> 00:01:56,014
♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪
38
00:01:56,081 --> 00:01:59,250
♪ People are all the same ♪
39
00:01:59,318 --> 00:02:03,188
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
40
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:24,492
Sam, uh, Malone.
41
00:02:24,527 --> 00:02:25,860
Yeah, over here.
42
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,545
GNS Amusements.
43
00:02:27,546 --> 00:02:28,546
Oh, great.
44
00:02:28,547 --> 00:02:29,981
(laughing) Sign here, please.
45
00:02:29,982 --> 00:02:31,816
Hey, fellas, listen
up, you know how
46
00:02:31,817 --> 00:02:33,485
I've been trying to
hustle up more business
47
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:34,519
for the bar?
48
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,921
Well, I think this
baby's just the ticket.
49
00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:39,240
Cheers is now the proud owner
50
00:02:39,308 --> 00:02:41,008
of a blood pressure tester.
51
00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:42,577
(laughing)
52
00:02:42,644 --> 00:02:44,112
That's... that's
great, Sammy.
53
00:02:44,180 --> 00:02:45,413
I think we ought to get
54
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:48,182
some velvet ropes outside
to handle the lines.
55
00:02:48,217 --> 00:02:49,617
No, no, come on, will you?
56
00:02:49,685 --> 00:02:52,319
Lighten up here,
this could be fun.
57
00:02:52,387 --> 00:02:53,555
What the hell is this?
58
00:02:53,622 --> 00:02:55,389
They sent me a slot machine.
59
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:58,398
Well, I lived kind of a
sheltered girlhood, but offhand,
60
00:02:58,427 --> 00:03:02,196
I'd say this looks like
a Gametime model 36X
61
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:05,400
with remodelled sprockets,
triple-action tumblers.
62
00:03:05,468 --> 00:03:06,901
"The Big Boy".
63
00:03:07,019 --> 00:03:08,236
(Rebecca sighs)
64
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:10,972
A slot machine.
(gasps)
65
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:13,608
I've never played one of these,
but I've always wanted to.
66
00:03:13,609 --> 00:03:14,642
Hey, hey, come on, no, don't...
67
00:03:14,643 --> 00:03:16,211
don't do that, please,
it's illegal.
68
00:03:16,212 --> 00:03:18,013
This is the last thing
this bar needs.
69
00:03:18,014 --> 00:03:20,184
I'm gonna call and tell
them to take it back.
70
00:03:20,249 --> 00:03:22,049
It's just as well, Rebecca.
71
00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:25,453
These are the devil's
own machines.
72
00:03:25,454 --> 00:03:26,871
They systematically rob you
73
00:03:26,872 --> 00:03:29,240
of your cash and your dignity,
74
00:03:29,308 --> 00:03:30,575
one nickel at a time.
75
00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:32,043
Allow me to demonstrate.
76
00:03:32,044 --> 00:03:33,461
Oh, hey, come on,
Frasier, don't do that.
77
00:03:33,462 --> 00:03:34,528
No, relax, Sam.
78
00:03:34,529 --> 00:03:36,264
This is merely for
educational purposes.
79
00:03:36,265 --> 00:03:37,549
Good-bye, nickel.
80
00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:38,783
(coin clanging)
81
00:03:41,620 --> 00:03:43,421
(bell ringing, coins clanging)
82
00:03:43,422 --> 00:03:44,372
(chortling)
83
00:03:44,373 --> 00:03:45,540
Free money!
84
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:47,191
The doctor is hot!
85
00:03:47,259 --> 00:03:48,309
(laughing)
86
00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:50,412
Excuse me, sir.
87
00:03:50,413 --> 00:03:52,096
I represent a market
research company.
88
00:03:52,097 --> 00:03:53,147
We're doing a survey.
89
00:03:53,148 --> 00:03:54,366
Oh, I'm really not interested.
90
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:55,567
Thanks.
Okay.
91
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:56,884
How about you, sir?
Okay.
92
00:03:56,885 --> 00:03:58,286
We're looking for volunteers
93
00:03:58,287 --> 00:04:00,288
to taste several
brands of beer.
94
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,456
Uh, excuse me, Paul,
95
00:04:01,457 --> 00:04:02,924
we were having
a conversation here.
96
00:04:02,925 --> 00:04:04,959
You were saying?
Uh, uh, well,
97
00:04:05,077 --> 00:04:07,629
if you're available,
just come to this address
98
00:04:07,697 --> 00:04:09,764
at 2:00 this afternoon.
2:00, sure.
99
00:04:09,832 --> 00:04:12,066
Hey, listen, uh, uh,
what exactly do I do?
100
00:04:12,084 --> 00:04:15,387
Well, you'll be in a room
with several other volunteers,
101
00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:17,922
and you'll be tasting
several varieties of beer.
102
00:04:17,923 --> 00:04:19,290
We'll pay you for your time.
103
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:22,010
Excuse me, sir.
104
00:04:22,077 --> 00:04:24,545
This is gonna sound like
an odd question, but...
105
00:04:24,613 --> 00:04:27,448
by any chance, were
you born in a manger?
106
00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:38,159
You've been selected
to take part in this study
107
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,661
due to your ages
and your drinking preferences.
108
00:04:40,729 --> 00:04:42,763
Norm, there seems to be a typo
109
00:04:42,832 --> 00:04:44,932
here on your average
beer intake.
110
00:04:48,387 --> 00:04:50,155
Wow.
111
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:51,539
Now, gentlemen,
112
00:04:51,590 --> 00:04:53,508
I'd like you to each take a sip
113
00:04:53,575 --> 00:04:56,244
from sample A and give me
your impressions.
114
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,547
Ray, what do you think?
115
00:04:59,548 --> 00:05:01,249
Would you serve this beer
in your home?
116
00:05:01,250 --> 00:05:03,284
Yeah, sure.
117
00:05:03,285 --> 00:05:04,235
And Chuck?
118
00:05:04,236 --> 00:05:05,953
Very tasty, uh...
119
00:05:06,972 --> 00:05:08,806
Good after-taste, too.
120
00:05:08,807 --> 00:05:09,907
And Norm.
121
00:05:09,908 --> 00:05:11,408
I don't know.
122
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,010
Didn't you just drink some?
123
00:05:13,011 --> 00:05:14,512
Yeah, but it wasn't in my mouth
124
00:05:14,513 --> 00:05:16,113
long enough to really taste it.
125
00:05:17,867 --> 00:05:19,867
Hold it in your mouth
a little longer.
126
00:05:19,935 --> 00:05:21,703
Try savouring it for a second,
127
00:05:21,770 --> 00:05:23,137
and then swallow it.
128
00:05:26,742 --> 00:05:28,543
This is great.
129
00:05:28,611 --> 00:05:31,479
Wow, does anyone else know
about this savouring thing?
130
00:05:36,802 --> 00:05:38,469
Now try to describe the taste.
131
00:05:38,554 --> 00:05:40,922
Ah... well,
it's kind of, um, sweet,
132
00:05:40,989 --> 00:05:42,957
but, uh, kind of tangy, too.
133
00:05:43,025 --> 00:05:44,191
You know what I mean?
134
00:05:44,192 --> 00:05:45,326
Yeah... very
observant.
135
00:05:45,327 --> 00:05:47,295
Yeah.
What about sample B?
136
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,384
It's kind of tart.
137
00:05:53,385 --> 00:05:56,571
Actually, I thought it
was kind of sweet.
138
00:05:56,572 --> 00:05:57,605
NORM:
No, no, fellas.
139
00:05:57,606 --> 00:05:58,573
It's really...
it's...
140
00:05:58,574 --> 00:06:00,241
it's more of a smoky thing.
141
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:01,542
Right again.
Yeah.
142
00:06:01,610 --> 00:06:03,777
That's the new mash
that they're using.
143
00:06:03,845 --> 00:06:05,346
You're amazing, Norm.
144
00:06:07,616 --> 00:06:09,426
What about,
uh, sample C? Let's see.
145
00:06:12,837 --> 00:06:14,587
Now, this one
misses for me, okay?
146
00:06:14,588 --> 00:06:16,273
Mm-hmm.
It's like the carbonation is...
147
00:06:16,274 --> 00:06:17,775
is fighting the flavour,
148
00:06:17,793 --> 00:06:19,393
and the flavour is losing.
149
00:06:19,461 --> 00:06:21,391
This is really getting
too easy for me.
150
00:06:21,396 --> 00:06:23,398
You want to challenge
me a bit here?
151
00:06:24,335 --> 00:06:26,334
Okay.
152
00:06:26,335 --> 00:06:27,568
Let's try samples
153
00:06:27,603 --> 00:06:29,203
D through V.
154
00:06:29,204 --> 00:06:30,271
Oh, D through V.
155
00:06:30,272 --> 00:06:31,322
Now, hang on a second.
156
00:06:31,373 --> 00:06:33,108
I may need to
cleanse my palate.
157
00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:34,942
Do you have any pizza?
158
00:06:42,390 --> 00:06:45,520
Oh, Carla, you're not supposed
159
00:06:45,521 --> 00:06:47,121
to be playing that-
it's illegal.
160
00:06:47,122 --> 00:06:50,391
So is watering drinks.
161
00:06:50,459 --> 00:06:52,360
Good luck to you.
162
00:06:53,812 --> 00:06:56,531
(bell ringing, coins clanging)
163
00:06:56,532 --> 00:06:57,582
(whooping)
164
00:06:57,599 --> 00:06:59,033
Come to mama.
165
00:07:03,639 --> 00:07:06,741
(sighs):
Come on, come on, come on.
166
00:07:06,809 --> 00:07:09,076
Darn it, this machine hates me!
167
00:07:09,144 --> 00:07:11,512
Say, uh, Rebecca, uh,
can I give it a try?
168
00:07:11,580 --> 00:07:12,714
Go ahead, Paul.
169
00:07:12,781 --> 00:07:14,665
It's obviously empty.
170
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:21,706
(bell ringing, coins clanging)
171
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:23,090
Hey, hey.
172
00:07:23,158 --> 00:07:24,392
Wow.
173
00:07:25,728 --> 00:07:27,027
Nine nickels.
174
00:07:27,028 --> 00:07:29,697
Hey, I wonder, if those chicks
over there saw me win, huh?
175
00:07:29,698 --> 00:07:30,748
Yeah, Paul.
176
00:07:30,799 --> 00:07:32,489
I'm sure the lack
of that 45 cents
177
00:07:32,534 --> 00:07:34,402
is what kept you
out of that ménage.
178
00:07:38,173 --> 00:07:40,742
Come on... come on.
179
00:07:40,809 --> 00:07:41,959
Be there, be there.
180
00:07:42,027 --> 00:07:43,694
Damn!
181
00:07:43,762 --> 00:07:46,697
What is wrong with this machine?
182
00:07:46,765 --> 00:07:49,934
Frasier won, Paul won,
Carla won.
183
00:07:50,001 --> 00:07:52,837
Maybe it just hates women.
184
00:07:52,905 --> 00:07:54,221
Afternoon, everybody.
185
00:07:54,289 --> 00:07:56,090
CROWD:
Norm!
186
00:07:56,091 --> 00:07:57,308
What's the story, Norm?
187
00:07:57,309 --> 00:07:58,226
Boy meets beer.
188
00:07:58,227 --> 00:07:59,493
Boy drinks beer.
189
00:07:59,561 --> 00:08:01,061
Boy gets another beer.
190
00:08:01,129 --> 00:08:03,231
In this performance,
the role of the boy
191
00:08:03,298 --> 00:08:04,928
will be played by
Norm Peterson.
192
00:08:04,929 --> 00:08:07,168
Sammy, I want you
to pour a round
193
00:08:07,169 --> 00:08:08,803
for the house and
put it on my tab.
194
00:08:08,870 --> 00:08:10,004
Ooh.
Oh!
195
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:11,122
Oh, thank you.
196
00:08:11,123 --> 00:08:12,207
What's the occasion there,
big guy?
197
00:08:12,208 --> 00:08:13,608
Well, I think I got a job.
198
00:08:13,609 --> 00:08:15,142
Hey, all right,
Normie. CLIFF:
199
00:08:15,143 --> 00:08:18,328
Stand back,
I'll take care of this.
200
00:08:18,329 --> 00:08:19,680
All right, mister, I don't know
201
00:08:19,681 --> 00:08:22,350
what pod you crawled out of...
202
00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:24,418
but you're not welcome
in our world.
203
00:08:24,486 --> 00:08:26,656
Now, go in peace and give us
our Normie back.
204
00:08:26,657 --> 00:08:30,675
Seriously, remember that beer
tasting survey group?
205
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:32,443
Turns out they value
my opinion so much,
206
00:08:32,444 --> 00:08:34,478
they want me to try
out at the brewery.
207
00:08:34,546 --> 00:08:35,679
CLIFF:
All right.
208
00:08:35,747 --> 00:08:38,849
Who'd have thought I have
a knack for something?
209
00:08:38,917 --> 00:08:41,702
Okay, now, listen up, you.
210
00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:44,171
This is my last nickel.
211
00:08:44,239 --> 00:08:46,040
Now, I'm not asking for a lot.
212
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:48,192
I-I just want you to hit,
just once.
213
00:08:48,259 --> 00:08:49,360
Please... for me.
214
00:08:53,999 --> 00:08:55,199
(crying)
215
00:08:55,266 --> 00:08:57,668
Why do you hate me?
216
00:08:59,237 --> 00:09:00,421
Becs.
What?
217
00:09:00,489 --> 00:09:01,539
Come here.
218
00:09:01,556 --> 00:09:02,673
What do you want?
219
00:09:04,676 --> 00:09:06,927
(whispering):
You are acting crazy.
220
00:09:06,995 --> 00:09:09,463
You're standing there
talking to a machine,
221
00:09:09,531 --> 00:09:12,199
pretending like it cares
who's feeding it nickels.
222
00:09:12,267 --> 00:09:15,135
It doesn't have anything
against you personally.
223
00:09:15,203 --> 00:09:16,337
You're right.
224
00:09:16,405 --> 00:09:17,455
Thank you.
225
00:09:17,506 --> 00:09:18,956
And why are you whispering?
226
00:09:19,891 --> 00:09:22,359
I don't want it to hear
me talking to you.
227
00:09:30,786 --> 00:09:32,720
(machines humming)
228
00:09:32,788 --> 00:09:35,055
Pardon me, uh, are you Mike?
229
00:09:35,056 --> 00:09:36,724
Hey, you must be
the new guy, Norm?
230
00:09:36,725 --> 00:09:38,526
Yeah, hi.
Yeah, I'll be your supervisor.
231
00:09:38,527 --> 00:09:39,577
Oh, great.
232
00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:41,896
I was, uh, looking over
your sample comments,
233
00:09:41,897 --> 00:09:43,030
and, uh, well,
234
00:09:43,098 --> 00:09:45,232
must say they're
very impressive.
235
00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:46,483
Thank you.
Uh, now,
236
00:09:46,484 --> 00:09:47,969
remember, this is just a trial,
237
00:09:47,970 --> 00:09:49,670
but I think
you're gonna do great.
238
00:09:49,671 --> 00:09:50,588
Thanks, sir.
239
00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:51,789
Uh, the job's very simple.
240
00:09:51,790 --> 00:09:53,290
You'll drink
random samples of beer
241
00:09:53,291 --> 00:09:54,926
off the line
and give us your opinion.
242
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:55,977
That's it.
243
00:09:55,994 --> 00:09:57,127
(both chuckling)
244
00:09:57,195 --> 00:09:58,696
Well, uh...
245
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:00,698
you ready to see
the brewery, Norm?
246
00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:03,367
Oh, I've been ready
for 43 years, sir.
247
00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:07,722
(machines humming)
248
00:10:07,789 --> 00:10:09,323
You'll be sampling beer
249
00:10:09,324 --> 00:10:11,659
and submitting your comments
to the master brewer
250
00:10:11,660 --> 00:10:14,829
who will evaluate them,
and in turn, he'll...
251
00:10:16,799 --> 00:10:18,649
Are you... are you
crying, Norm?
252
00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:22,903
Nah, just got something
in my eye there.
253
00:10:22,971 --> 00:10:25,038
I'll get you a Kleenex.
254
00:10:27,876 --> 00:10:31,579
(door opening, closing)
255
00:10:31,646 --> 00:10:33,046
(smacking lips)
256
00:10:33,114 --> 00:10:35,349
Honey, I'm home.
257
00:10:44,159 --> 00:10:46,427
♪ ♪
258
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:52,900
(no dialogue)
259
00:10:58,006 --> 00:11:01,325
(cheering, clapping)
260
00:11:01,392 --> 00:11:02,960
(bottles clinking)
261
00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:09,133
(cheering, clapping)
262
00:11:09,201 --> 00:11:12,153
(dripping)
263
00:11:15,090 --> 00:11:16,940
♪ ♪
264
00:11:24,549 --> 00:11:25,649
NORM:
Hey, Mike.
265
00:11:25,717 --> 00:11:26,917
Look, if you don't mind,
266
00:11:26,918 --> 00:11:28,619
I'm gonna knock off
for lunch, okay?
267
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:29,720
Yeah, sure.
268
00:11:29,787 --> 00:11:31,422
You had a great
first week, Norm.
269
00:11:31,423 --> 00:11:33,390
(laughs):
You don't have to tell me, sir.
270
00:11:33,391 --> 00:11:35,459
It was the happiest week
of my life.
271
00:11:35,527 --> 00:11:36,793
Here you go, Norm.
272
00:11:36,861 --> 00:11:38,262
Huh? What's this?
273
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:40,031
It's your pay-check.
274
00:11:40,098 --> 00:11:41,966
Oh, no, sir, I couldn't.
275
00:11:42,067 --> 00:11:44,468
No, no, absolutely not,
not for this.
276
00:11:44,536 --> 00:11:46,137
Go ahead, take it!
Really?
277
00:11:46,204 --> 00:11:47,304
You've earned it.
278
00:11:47,305 --> 00:11:48,539
You know, you were right
279
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,408
about that timer being off
on number three tank.
280
00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:51,642
That's, uh...
that's something
281
00:11:51,643 --> 00:11:53,710
our computer should have
picked up a long time ago.
282
00:11:53,711 --> 00:11:56,980
Well, sir,
a computer can't love.
283
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:58,315
As far as I'm concerned,
284
00:11:58,383 --> 00:11:59,683
the job is yours.
285
00:11:59,751 --> 00:12:00,984
Oh, really?
Yeah.
286
00:12:00,985 --> 00:12:02,753
There's-There's just
one more thing. Yeah?
287
00:12:02,754 --> 00:12:04,522
It's, uh... it's mostly
a formality... Yeah.
288
00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:07,053
But, uh, well, you have
to meet with Mr. Hoffmeyer,
289
00:12:07,054 --> 00:12:08,459
the president of the brewery.
290
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:11,178
Now, if Hoffmeyer likes you,
well, you're all set.
291
00:12:11,245 --> 00:12:12,963
What kind of
guy is he? Oh, he's...
292
00:12:13,031 --> 00:12:14,498
a bit of a tough cookie,
293
00:12:14,499 --> 00:12:17,535
but, uh, if you take your work
seriously, you'll do just fine.
294
00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:19,803
Okay. Well, I'd be
glad to meet the guy. Good.
295
00:12:19,804 --> 00:12:21,505
Listen, if you don't
mind right now,
296
00:12:21,506 --> 00:12:23,140
I've been tasting beer
all morning, okay?
297
00:12:23,141 --> 00:12:25,509
So, I'm just gonna take a
break, change my clothes
298
00:12:25,510 --> 00:12:27,545
and go over to Cheers
and hoist a few.
299
00:12:27,579 --> 00:12:28,845
(laughs):
You're, uh...
300
00:12:28,913 --> 00:12:30,364
You're kidding, right?
301
00:12:30,432 --> 00:12:32,066
Yeah. These clothes
will be fine.
302
00:12:41,526 --> 00:12:43,461
Come on.
Big money.
303
00:12:49,534 --> 00:12:52,069
Come on.
Big money.
304
00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:55,372
Oh, show me I'm not a loser.
305
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,109
Can't believe
you're still playing this thing.
306
00:12:58,176 --> 00:13:01,678
Sam, I have pulled
that handle 578 times,
307
00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:03,581
and this machine
has given me nothing.
308
00:13:03,582 --> 00:13:05,082
Well, may... maybe
it's broken.
309
00:13:05,150 --> 00:13:06,383
Let me try it here.
310
00:13:06,451 --> 00:13:07,851
Give me that.
311
00:13:10,888 --> 00:13:13,056
(coins clinking, bell dinging)
312
00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:17,394
No. No. It's you,
all right.
313
00:13:26,254 --> 00:13:29,540
Come on. Big money.
314
00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:32,143
I hate to see her beating
herself up like that.
315
00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:33,544
Yeah, I agree.
316
00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:36,747
If there was just some way
that she could win, even once.
317
00:13:36,814 --> 00:13:38,715
It might serve
to break her fatalism
318
00:13:38,783 --> 00:13:41,552
and bolster her self-esteem.
319
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:45,422
Plus, maybe then I'd get a shot,
'cause I am hot, hot, hot!
320
00:13:45,423 --> 00:13:49,460
Well, there must
be some way we can fix that machine
321
00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:50,962
so you can win just one time.
322
00:13:51,029 --> 00:13:53,097
Now you're good
at this stuff, Carla.
323
00:13:53,098 --> 00:13:54,164
Can't you rig it?
324
00:13:54,165 --> 00:13:55,165
Why should I?
325
00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:56,300
Well, because
326
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:58,102
she'd feel better
about herself,
327
00:13:58,103 --> 00:14:00,337
you know, maybe
even feel happy.
328
00:14:00,405 --> 00:14:01,822
No, really. Why should I?
329
00:14:04,293 --> 00:14:07,094
Because there's a $20 bill
in it for you.
330
00:14:07,162 --> 00:14:08,429
Deal.
331
00:14:08,496 --> 00:14:09,797
(chuckles)
332
00:14:09,864 --> 00:14:11,032
I'd have done it for ten.
333
00:14:11,099 --> 00:14:13,089
No wonder
you're going out of business.
334
00:14:14,769 --> 00:14:16,137
Afternoon, everybody.
335
00:14:16,204 --> 00:14:17,704
ALL:
Norm!
336
00:14:17,772 --> 00:14:19,473
A little busman's holiday, Norm?
337
00:14:19,541 --> 00:14:21,842
No. None of those fancy drinks
for me, Sammy.
338
00:14:21,910 --> 00:14:23,744
Just give me a beer.
339
00:14:23,812 --> 00:14:25,379
See this, boys?
Huh?
340
00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:26,547
An actual pay-check.
341
00:14:26,614 --> 00:14:27,949
Oh.
342
00:14:28,016 --> 00:14:29,550
Tell you what, Sammy.
343
00:14:29,551 --> 00:14:32,253
Earning a salary
does something for a guy's self-esteem.
344
00:14:32,254 --> 00:14:34,021
For the first time in years,
345
00:14:34,089 --> 00:14:36,223
I'm actually making
an honest living.
346
00:14:36,291 --> 00:14:37,959
Oh, look at that.
347
00:14:38,026 --> 00:14:40,661
This says Norm Peterman.
348
00:14:40,662 --> 00:14:42,129
That's 'cause Norm Peterson
349
00:14:42,130 --> 00:14:44,300
is still drawing
unemployment, thank you.
350
00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:46,801
Well, Norm, I must say
I've never seen you
351
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:47,968
look happier
or-or more fulfilled.
352
00:14:47,969 --> 00:14:49,236
NORM:
Well, thanks, Fras.
353
00:14:49,237 --> 00:14:50,954
I still don't have
the job officially yet.
354
00:14:50,955 --> 00:14:52,923
I got to meet the
president of the brewery.
355
00:14:52,924 --> 00:14:55,574
But I tell you what- I feel
like I've found my calling.
356
00:14:55,575 --> 00:14:57,061
Yeah, that's a wonderful
feeling, isn't it? Yeah.
357
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:59,292
You know, I remember
the first day I decided
358
00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:01,248
to go into the healing arts.
359
00:15:01,315 --> 00:15:05,185
Yeah, just the thought
of helping my fellow man...
360
00:15:05,253 --> 00:15:08,221
it gave me a sense of purpose,
a mission in life.
361
00:15:08,289 --> 00:15:09,556
(rhythmic beeping)
362
00:15:09,624 --> 00:15:10,824
Oh.
363
00:15:10,892 --> 00:15:12,259
Oh, surprise, surprise!
364
00:15:12,326 --> 00:15:14,728
Mrs. Davis.
"I had a bad childhood."
365
00:15:14,796 --> 00:15:17,364
Join the club, sister!
366
00:15:17,365 --> 00:15:20,918
I'm all out of nickels.
Does anybody have a nickel?
367
00:15:20,919 --> 00:15:22,820
Hey, hey, where's that, uh,
tip jar of Carla's?
368
00:15:22,821 --> 00:15:24,151
No.
REBECCA: Well, I would
369
00:15:24,155 --> 00:15:25,623
pay her back.
370
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:27,808
Going a little bit
overboard here, aren't you?
371
00:15:27,809 --> 00:15:29,993
After all, it's just
a silly little machine.
372
00:15:29,994 --> 00:15:31,562
It's not a silly
machine, Norman.
373
00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:33,597
It is... It is a
metaphor for life.
374
00:15:33,598 --> 00:15:35,265
It is. Everybody gets
to pull the handle,
375
00:15:35,266 --> 00:15:37,584
and sometimes they win,
and sometimes they lose.
376
00:15:37,585 --> 00:15:40,054
But I always lose.
377
00:15:40,121 --> 00:15:43,039
I pull the handle, and
I get cherry, lemon,
378
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:45,942
(voice breaking):
Bell!
379
00:15:45,943 --> 00:15:48,813
Rebecca, has it ever occurred
to you that maybe the reason
380
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:51,916
you always lose is because
you think you're going to lose?
381
00:15:51,983 --> 00:15:53,651
Oh, don't give me that crap!
382
00:15:53,652 --> 00:15:55,419
I tried that positive
thinking stuff,
383
00:15:55,420 --> 00:15:58,556
and I knew it wouldn't work,
and sure enough, it didn't!
384
00:15:58,623 --> 00:16:00,591
You are over-analysing things.
385
00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:02,460
You got to live in the moment.
386
00:16:02,527 --> 00:16:04,194
Take life as it comes, okay?
387
00:16:04,262 --> 00:16:07,164
You start thinking too much,
everything falls apart.
388
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:09,433
Norm, how do you not
think too much?
389
00:16:09,434 --> 00:16:10,967
You're-You're getting ready
390
00:16:10,968 --> 00:16:12,836
for the biggest interview
of your life!
391
00:16:12,837 --> 00:16:14,070
Yeah.
392
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,740
If I were you,
I would be a nervous wreck.
393
00:16:16,807 --> 00:16:19,409
You know, I had a shot
at my dream job.
394
00:16:19,477 --> 00:16:20,877
Yeah?
395
00:16:20,945 --> 00:16:22,979
And I-I did really,
really well.
396
00:16:23,047 --> 00:16:24,848
And then it came time
397
00:16:24,915 --> 00:16:28,285
for me to meet the big boss,
and I choked.
398
00:16:28,353 --> 00:16:30,521
I went in, and-and
I complimented him,
399
00:16:30,588 --> 00:16:32,938
and then I realized,
"Oh, God, I'm kissing up."
400
00:16:32,939 --> 00:16:34,558
So I took back the compliment,
401
00:16:34,559 --> 00:16:37,827
and then it looked like
I was insulting him.
402
00:16:37,895 --> 00:16:41,014
So then I started telling jokes,
and they were really bad.
403
00:16:41,082 --> 00:16:43,751
And then... And-And then,
the next thing I knew,
404
00:16:43,818 --> 00:16:49,824
I was singing,
"Knick knack paddy whack" song.
405
00:16:49,891 --> 00:16:52,659
And I was just singing
406
00:16:52,727 --> 00:16:55,595
and singing at the top
of my lungs.
407
00:16:55,663 --> 00:17:00,033
And I just kept burying myself
deeper and deeper.
408
00:17:00,101 --> 00:17:02,987
And I lost my dream job.
409
00:17:05,189 --> 00:17:07,491
And when I walked out
410
00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:11,428
of that House of Pancakes,
I felt two inches tall.
411
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:20,638
Well, Rebecca, that's about
the most depressing thing
412
00:17:20,705 --> 00:17:22,740
I've ever heard in my life.
413
00:17:22,807 --> 00:17:24,617
Hey, don't... Norm,
don't listen to me.
414
00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:25,910
It'll just bring you down.
415
00:17:25,977 --> 00:17:27,244
Yeah.
And you know what?
416
00:17:27,311 --> 00:17:30,113
I've been a jinx
my entire life,
417
00:17:30,181 --> 00:17:31,448
but that's me.
418
00:17:31,516 --> 00:17:33,450
That isn't you.
419
00:17:33,518 --> 00:17:35,185
You're gonna do great.
420
00:17:35,253 --> 00:17:36,453
Thanks.
421
00:17:36,521 --> 00:17:37,688
Good luck.
422
00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:39,056
Well, thanks a lot, Rebecca.
423
00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:40,290
And for what it's worth,
424
00:17:40,358 --> 00:17:42,392
I don't think you're
a jinx, all right?
425
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:43,727
(quietly):
Thanks.
426
00:17:43,795 --> 00:17:45,729
(laughs)
427
00:18:01,912 --> 00:18:03,930
Ah, Norm.
428
00:18:03,998 --> 00:18:05,799
Mr. Hoffmeyer's
on his way.
429
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,667
Uh, now remember,
this is just a formality.
430
00:18:07,668 --> 00:18:09,803
He's heard all kinds
of good things about you,
431
00:18:09,804 --> 00:18:12,306
and, well, I'm sure
that as soon as he meets you,
432
00:18:12,307 --> 00:18:14,641
uh, you'll be a permanent part
of this brewery.
433
00:18:14,642 --> 00:18:16,776
You seem a little nervous.
Are you, Norm?
434
00:18:16,844 --> 00:18:19,095
No. No.
435
00:18:19,163 --> 00:18:20,947
MIKE:
Oh, Mr. Hoffmeyer,
436
00:18:21,015 --> 00:18:23,133
I'd like you to meet
our star taster, Norm.
437
00:18:23,201 --> 00:18:24,367
Norm, Mr. Hoffmeyer.
438
00:18:24,435 --> 00:18:26,845
Norm, I hear you're doing
excellent work for us.
439
00:18:26,871 --> 00:18:28,338
Thank you very much, sir.
440
00:18:28,406 --> 00:18:29,807
(sighs)
441
00:18:29,874 --> 00:18:31,108
Nice pants.
442
00:18:31,175 --> 00:18:32,409
(chuckles)
443
00:18:33,778 --> 00:18:35,412
I can't believe
I just said that.
444
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,380
Look, I'm not trying
to kiss up, sir.
445
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,859
I take back what I said
about those pants, okay?
446
00:18:39,860 --> 00:18:41,384
Not that they're
not nice pants.
447
00:18:41,385 --> 00:18:42,786
I mean, of course they are.
448
00:18:42,787 --> 00:18:44,054
They're-They're-They're
great pants, you know.
449
00:18:44,055 --> 00:18:45,689
I just don't want you to think
450
00:18:45,690 --> 00:18:47,925
that all I'm doing is
looking at your pants.
451
00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:49,736
I'm also looking
at your face, sir,
452
00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:53,229
and-and your shirt, your
tie, all of which are lovely.
453
00:18:53,297 --> 00:18:55,982
Like a manly kind of lovely.
You know what I mean?
454
00:18:56,050 --> 00:18:58,985
Good Lord, I'm not making
much sense, am I, sir?
455
00:18:59,053 --> 00:19:00,820
Let me just start
all over again.
456
00:19:00,888 --> 00:19:02,756
Hello. My name
is Norm Pants.
457
00:19:02,823 --> 00:19:06,093
Ooh! Yay. That didn't come
out right, either, did it?
458
00:19:06,094 --> 00:19:08,629
(laughs): I'm gonna laugh
about that one tonight, sir.
459
00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:10,147
And I'm sure you will, too,
460
00:19:10,148 --> 00:19:12,082
when you take those
pants off tonight.
461
00:19:12,083 --> 00:19:13,383
Not that I'm thinking
462
00:19:13,384 --> 00:19:15,019
about you taking
your pants off, sir!
463
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:16,586
Nothing could be
further from the truth!
464
00:19:16,587 --> 00:19:18,421
I mean, well, now,
don't get me wrong.
465
00:19:18,422 --> 00:19:20,691
You know, it's not like
I would be grossed out
466
00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:22,022
if you took your pants off.
467
00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:24,945
Go ahead, run around
naked for all I care!
468
00:19:25,012 --> 00:19:27,665
After all, you'll do
whatever you want to do.
469
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:29,700
You're Mr. Hoffmeyer,
for crying out loud!
470
00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:31,969
Oh, come on, lighten
up, will you?!
471
00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:33,954
Why are you such a sourpuss?
472
00:19:34,021 --> 00:19:35,789
Come on. What's
it going to take
473
00:19:35,856 --> 00:19:37,891
to put a smile on
that face, huh?
474
00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:41,211
♪ With a knick knack paddy
whack, give a dog a bone ♪
475
00:19:41,279 --> 00:19:44,014
♪ This old man
came rolling home! ♪
476
00:19:46,323 --> 00:19:49,285
Sorry about the job
there, Norm.
477
00:19:49,286 --> 00:19:50,621
Oh, don't worry
about it, Cliff.
478
00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:51,955
What are you going to do?
479
00:19:52,023 --> 00:19:54,758
I had my dream job for
a week, and I lost it.
480
00:19:54,759 --> 00:19:56,710
But you've got to look on the...
on the bright side, you know.
481
00:19:56,711 --> 00:19:59,045
I mean, somebody could
walk up to me tomorrow,
482
00:19:59,046 --> 00:20:00,547
tap me on the shoulder, say,
483
00:20:00,548 --> 00:20:03,183
"Hey, we want you to sample
various types of pretzels."
484
00:20:03,184 --> 00:20:05,002
You know?
485
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:06,803
Or-Or-Or pizza.
486
00:20:06,871 --> 00:20:07,971
Could happen.
487
00:20:08,039 --> 00:20:10,106
Maybe, big guy.
488
00:20:11,409 --> 00:20:13,526
Well, I did it.
I rigged the machine.
489
00:20:13,527 --> 00:20:15,528
The next person who pulls
that handle is going
490
00:20:15,529 --> 00:20:17,219
to be up to their
knees in nickels.
491
00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:18,765
All right, now,
don't you feel good?
492
00:20:18,766 --> 00:20:20,500
I mean, doesn't it
make you feel happy
493
00:20:20,501 --> 00:20:22,669
to know you did something
for a fellow human being?
494
00:20:22,670 --> 00:20:24,271
Isn't that what life's
really all about?
495
00:20:24,272 --> 00:20:26,523
You don't have my 20
bucks, do you, Sam?
496
00:20:26,524 --> 00:20:28,408
It's been kind of
a slow week, honey. I...
497
00:20:28,409 --> 00:20:31,011
Now, wai-wai-wait.
498
00:20:32,496 --> 00:20:33,964
REBECCA:
Norm.
499
00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:36,700
I just wanted to tell you
500
00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:38,768
how sorry I am
about this afternoon.
501
00:20:38,836 --> 00:20:41,972
Rebecca, for the hundredth
time, please relax.
502
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,240
It wasn't your fault.
503
00:20:43,307 --> 00:20:44,441
I did it myself.
504
00:20:44,508 --> 00:20:45,708
I choked under pressure.
505
00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:48,011
Well, I felt so guilty
that I went out
506
00:20:48,079 --> 00:20:50,113
and got us this quart
of ice cream.
507
00:20:50,181 --> 00:20:51,347
Hmm.
508
00:20:51,415 --> 00:20:52,783
Mmm.
509
00:20:55,403 --> 00:20:57,371
(laughs)
510
00:20:57,439 --> 00:21:00,140
This is what
we losers do, Norm.
511
00:21:02,043 --> 00:21:04,494
We just drown our sorrows
in ice cream.
512
00:21:06,196 --> 00:21:07,263
But you know what?
513
00:21:07,331 --> 00:21:08,732
Huh?
514
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,533
At least we're not alone.
515
00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:12,235
We have each other.
516
00:21:12,303 --> 00:21:14,588
You're not going to
kiss me again, are you?
517
00:21:14,656 --> 00:21:16,590
'Cause I still
have to drive home.
518
00:21:18,459 --> 00:21:20,561
Oh! Hey, look at that.
519
00:21:20,562 --> 00:21:22,229
These are nickels,
I guess, huh?
520
00:21:22,230 --> 00:21:25,232
Say, why don't you, uh, play
the slot machine one more time?
521
00:21:25,233 --> 00:21:26,333
Because I will lose.
522
00:21:26,334 --> 00:21:27,867
Where have you been all week?
523
00:21:27,868 --> 00:21:29,736
No. You know,
I feel good about this.
524
00:21:29,737 --> 00:21:31,738
Why-Why-Why don't you give it
one more shot?
525
00:21:31,739 --> 00:21:33,373
No.
Oh, come on!
526
00:21:33,374 --> 00:21:35,409
What's it gonna take
for you to understand
527
00:21:35,410 --> 00:21:36,576
that I will never win?
528
00:21:36,644 --> 00:21:38,445
All right,
fine, fine. Come on.
529
00:21:38,513 --> 00:21:40,280
Everybody step up while
530
00:21:40,348 --> 00:21:43,100
Lady Luck thumbs her nose
at Rebecca Howe.
531
00:21:47,955 --> 00:21:49,005
(bell rings)
532
00:21:52,677 --> 00:21:55,112
I got my nickel back.
533
00:21:55,113 --> 00:21:57,130
I thought that thing
was supposed to pay off.
534
00:21:57,131 --> 00:21:58,432
It's been paying off all week.
535
00:21:58,433 --> 00:21:59,566
I guess it's empty.
536
00:21:59,634 --> 00:22:00,784
Oh, I'm sorry.
537
00:22:00,852 --> 00:22:02,686
Sorry?
538
00:22:02,754 --> 00:22:05,755
This has never happened
to me before.
539
00:22:08,092 --> 00:22:10,594
I broke even.
540
00:22:10,661 --> 00:22:13,096
I've never broken even before.
541
00:22:13,164 --> 00:22:15,331
I'm not a loser.
542
00:22:15,399 --> 00:22:17,767
I'm a break-evener.
543
00:22:19,637 --> 00:22:20,837
Norm is a loser.
544
00:22:20,905 --> 00:22:23,172
See him eating his ice cream?
545
00:22:23,683 --> 00:22:26,076
You know what this means?
546
00:22:26,077 --> 00:22:28,078
It means
that my life isn't so terrible.
547
00:22:28,146 --> 00:22:30,147
It's... It's so-so!
548
00:22:30,215 --> 00:22:31,632
(Rebecca laughs)
549
00:22:31,699 --> 00:22:33,634
Isn't this great?!
550
00:22:34,736 --> 00:22:35,969
Hey, guys,
551
00:22:36,036 --> 00:22:38,806
did Rebecca call me a loser?
552
00:22:38,873 --> 00:22:40,808
I'm afraid so, Norm.
553
00:22:40,875 --> 00:22:43,176
Good. I thought she said,
"Leave me some."
38751
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