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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,536 --> 00:00:04,505 Oh! Oh, I cannot believe you. 2 00:00:04,673 --> 00:00:07,835 Are you out of your big fat Russian skull? 3 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,999 Of all the dumb stunts you've... 4 00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:12,111 Nikolai, how could you do this? 5 00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:17,740 - With KGB surveillance team. They... - Not "how" how, you ass. "Why" how. 6 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,408 For record of activities in Krakow. 7 00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:23,147 Oh, some blurry eight-millimeter of... 8 00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:25,518 No, we have the digital hi-def now. 9 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:28,889 Wonderful. So they can blow it up for the jury at my treason trial. 10 00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:31,553 Is amazing, no loss of resolution... 11 00:00:31,731 --> 00:00:34,130 Damn your bloodshot eyes, I'm serious. 12 00:00:34,299 --> 00:00:35,994 I will not let that happen to you. 13 00:00:36,168 --> 00:00:39,467 You let this happen. And by doing so, jeopardized our entire operation. 14 00:00:39,638 --> 00:00:42,300 Darling, please. Don't say that. 15 00:00:42,474 --> 00:00:44,839 I have no idea how this Ram�n Lim�n... 16 00:00:45,009 --> 00:00:47,910 ... got the disk. He must have gone rogue. 17 00:00:48,079 --> 00:00:50,843 Oh, all Hispanics look roguish. 18 00:00:51,015 --> 00:00:53,040 The KGB had no idea about my plan. 19 00:00:53,217 --> 00:00:55,515 So please, do not blame Major Jakov. 20 00:00:55,686 --> 00:00:57,016 Oh, right, how could I? 21 00:00:57,187 --> 00:01:00,418 The important thing is that the disk does not fall into the wrong hands. 22 00:01:00,590 --> 00:01:03,821 - You mean "wronger" hands. - Like your government's. Or mine. 23 00:01:03,994 --> 00:01:07,896 I find it very surprising that Castro okayed an operation... 24 00:01:08,064 --> 00:01:11,157 with such potential to embarrass the Soviets. 25 00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:13,301 Well, he is unpredictable. 26 00:01:13,469 --> 00:01:17,269 Which is why I am planning ahead for my retirement. In beautiful Miami. 27 00:01:17,439 --> 00:01:20,101 And so, here are the keys and the deed... 28 00:01:20,276 --> 00:01:22,266 to my condo in South Beach. 29 00:01:22,443 --> 00:01:25,207 A nice start to a new start. 30 00:01:25,380 --> 00:01:27,280 But what of the financial arrangements? 31 00:01:27,448 --> 00:01:31,043 You'll get the money when I get the disk. And if you've made copies... 32 00:01:31,219 --> 00:01:35,120 I tried, but the Russian was smart enough to copy-protect the disk. 33 00:01:35,289 --> 00:01:36,950 Yeah, he's a real genius. 34 00:01:37,124 --> 00:01:39,490 But if you try to double-cross me... 35 00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:41,389 Well, you should know what... 36 00:01:42,162 --> 00:01:44,687 kind of a man you are... 37 00:01:44,865 --> 00:01:47,025 dealing with. - Oh, Ram�n. 38 00:01:47,199 --> 00:01:49,724 I think I know exactly what kind of man you are. 39 00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:50,926 Uh, que? 40 00:01:51,103 --> 00:01:54,300 I said I could eat the absolute pants off some shrimp. 41 00:02:25,902 --> 00:02:28,029 I don't suppose he's up. No, mum. 42 00:02:28,204 --> 00:02:32,004 And from the looks of it, not to mention the lemur... 43 00:02:32,175 --> 00:02:34,302 I would hazard he's taking a personal day. 44 00:02:34,477 --> 00:02:36,341 The hell he is. 45 00:02:36,511 --> 00:02:38,001 Woodhouse, we got any lube? 46 00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:39,875 Like at this point even olive oil would... 47 00:02:41,516 --> 00:02:43,450 help me get that drawer unstuck. 48 00:02:43,618 --> 00:02:46,519 Jesus God, Sterling. Schoolgirls? 49 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:49,121 - Those are costumes. - I suppose that makes it better? 50 00:02:49,290 --> 00:02:52,384 Doesn't it? Oh, uh, Woodhouse, I told my guests you'd pack their lunch. 51 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:56,087 I'll do my best, sir. I'm afraid the lemur got into the pudding cups. 52 00:02:56,263 --> 00:03:00,130 - Yeah, like I told you he would. You idiot. - Will you please focus? 53 00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:02,768 Now, I know you're familiar with the honey pot. 54 00:03:02,936 --> 00:03:05,837 Seducing and blackmailing a hot female enemy agent. 55 00:03:06,005 --> 00:03:07,666 I love the honey pot. 56 00:03:07,841 --> 00:03:09,240 I'm sure you do. 57 00:03:09,409 --> 00:03:11,900 But this time you may not find the target... 58 00:03:12,078 --> 00:03:14,272 appealing. - What, is it Pam? 59 00:03:14,446 --> 00:03:17,210 Seriously, whoever. It's all the same in the dar... No. 60 00:03:17,383 --> 00:03:19,817 - Yes. Yes. Yes! - No. No. Come on. 61 00:03:19,985 --> 00:03:23,512 - Have Gillette do this. - Sterling, you're the only one I can trust. 62 00:03:23,689 --> 00:03:26,521 And don't even get me started on Miss Gillette. 63 00:03:26,691 --> 00:03:29,023 She has never liked me. 64 00:03:29,193 --> 00:03:32,287 But someday I'm gonna write a book about this place. Mm-hm. 65 00:03:32,463 --> 00:03:34,328 A real smackarooni. 66 00:03:34,499 --> 00:03:37,160 Sterling, please, I need your help. 67 00:03:37,334 --> 00:03:39,802 This Ram�n Lim�n is blackmailing me. 68 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:42,165 - With what? What's he got on you? - It's... 69 00:03:42,339 --> 00:03:45,968 none of your nosy beeswax. - Well, then it sucks to be you. 70 00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:49,543 You'll be who it sucks to be if I have to call my bridge partner. 71 00:03:49,712 --> 00:03:51,304 Oh, who's your bridge partner? 72 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,380 - The district attorney. - So? 73 00:03:53,549 --> 00:03:57,645 Sir, that stolen lemur bit one of your prostitutes right in the face... 74 00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,811 and she says she can't go to hospital... 75 00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:03,151 because she's, quote, "tripping balls." 76 00:04:04,859 --> 00:04:08,659 You know, when I was little, I used to pretend you weren't my mother. 77 00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:10,388 - Me too. Bang. 78 00:04:10,565 --> 00:04:11,930 Bang. 79 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,329 Ew, kill. Bang. 80 00:04:14,501 --> 00:04:16,526 - Shock. - Shut up. Oh, my God, bang. 81 00:04:16,703 --> 00:04:19,365 - I hesitate to even ask. - We're doing "Kill, Bang, Marry." 82 00:04:19,540 --> 00:04:22,100 - Again, hesitation. - It's on the ISIS Intranet. 83 00:04:22,276 --> 00:04:26,007 You click through pictures of everybody who works here, and say if you'd rather... 84 00:04:26,180 --> 00:04:30,240 - Kill them or bang or marry them. - Wow, that is entirely inappropriate. 85 00:04:30,416 --> 00:04:32,941 That's what I said. If you go through the whole list... 86 00:04:33,119 --> 00:04:35,110 you can see what everybody said. 87 00:04:35,288 --> 00:04:39,053 - Everybody? Like...? - Like Lana. And if, I don't know... 88 00:04:39,224 --> 00:04:41,715 maybe she said "bang" about Mr. Archer? 89 00:04:41,893 --> 00:04:43,622 - I got ups. Move it, chubs. - Hey. 90 00:04:43,795 --> 00:04:46,787 Dr. Krieger's covert team installed these surveillance cameras... 91 00:04:46,965 --> 00:04:48,933 while Lim�n was out shopping yesterday. 92 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:51,033 Yup, we've got video and audio... 93 00:04:51,202 --> 00:04:53,864 with a satellite feed back to these hard drives. 94 00:04:54,238 --> 00:04:56,604 - Same set-up I've got in my van. - Jesus, Krieger. 95 00:04:56,774 --> 00:05:00,266 - You're still taping bum fights? - No, now I'm into something... 96 00:05:00,444 --> 00:05:02,071 darker. - Ahem! 97 00:05:02,246 --> 00:05:04,042 Since that obnoxious little Castro... 98 00:05:04,214 --> 00:05:06,876 is such a raging homophobe... - Fidel hates the gays. 99 00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:11,009 It's a safe bet he'd have Ram�n killed if he ever found out he was gay. 100 00:05:11,187 --> 00:05:13,246 - So once you seduce him... - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 101 00:05:13,423 --> 00:05:15,890 I thought nobody else was supposed to know about this. 102 00:05:16,058 --> 00:05:18,151 - He won't remember. - Yeah, no, I'm... 103 00:05:18,327 --> 00:05:21,421 - I am shitfaced. Miss Archer, phone call. 104 00:05:21,597 --> 00:05:23,690 - I'm busy. - Um, we all are? 105 00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:27,165 - Bang. Uh, kill, I guess. - Thanks a lot. 106 00:05:27,336 --> 00:05:29,565 - It's a bad picture, Pam. He says it's urgent. 107 00:05:29,737 --> 00:05:31,500 Something about developments in Krakow? 108 00:05:31,672 --> 00:05:33,799 Krakow? Oh, for... 109 00:05:33,975 --> 00:05:36,808 Sterling, get to Miami, and don't come back... 110 00:05:36,978 --> 00:05:39,811 until you've completed your assignment. 111 00:05:39,981 --> 00:05:42,414 - Taking one for the team, huh? - Hopefully not. 112 00:05:42,582 --> 00:05:45,574 Well if you do, I've developed a proprietary chemical compound... 113 00:05:45,752 --> 00:05:48,585 which may come in handy. I call it Formula K. 114 00:05:48,755 --> 00:05:50,655 And it makes you temporarily gay? 115 00:05:50,824 --> 00:05:52,848 I don't know. Just started human testing. 116 00:05:53,025 --> 00:05:55,323 By dosing Danny the intern's coffee. 117 00:05:55,494 --> 00:05:59,931 - Danny is definitely feeling something. - I think I'm going to pass. 118 00:06:00,099 --> 00:06:03,432 Suit yourself. Just means more for me and Danny. 119 00:06:03,602 --> 00:06:06,126 Who is loving it. 120 00:06:18,348 --> 00:06:20,908 I have ascertained the target, sir. 121 00:06:21,084 --> 00:06:23,518 And he's actually quite handsome. 122 00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:25,518 And I suppose that makes it better. 123 00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:28,123 - Doesn't it? - No, it... Woodhouse, this is Miami. 124 00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:29,952 Don't you have any cooler clothes? 125 00:06:30,126 --> 00:06:33,425 - No sir, not anymore. - And your shoes. 126 00:06:33,596 --> 00:06:36,622 Because how hard is it to poach a goddamn egg properly? 127 00:06:37,166 --> 00:06:40,499 Seriously, that's like Eggs 101, Woodhouse. 128 00:06:40,670 --> 00:06:42,899 Now I know you've lost your mind. 129 00:06:43,071 --> 00:06:44,800 You want me to defect to Russia? 130 00:06:44,973 --> 00:06:48,033 Just, uh, you know, if the worst happens. 131 00:06:48,209 --> 00:06:51,303 That is the worst. Standing in the snow... 132 00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:53,946 for beet rations in my Blahniks? - Come on. 133 00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:57,140 I'm head of KGB. I have my beets delivered. 134 00:06:57,318 --> 00:07:01,118 - Nikolai. - Free Stolichnaya, Beluga caviar. 135 00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,256 My own private limousine. 136 00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:06,052 The Soviet system is actually incredibly unfair. 137 00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:10,355 - And it just sounds wonderful, but... - Hey, I'm just putting it out there. 138 00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:13,761 Well, just put it back in. You're the whole reason I'm in this mess. 139 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:15,798 I'm trying to help. 140 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:19,165 I mean, if that Cuban does not fall for the honey pot. 141 00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:20,828 Oh, I think he will. 142 00:07:21,006 --> 00:07:24,669 I've got my top man on it. Or possibly bottom. 143 00:07:33,451 --> 00:07:37,217 - Ahem. Can I help you? - I don't know. Can you? 144 00:07:37,388 --> 00:07:40,824 - Is this some sort of viral marketing? - What? No, I meant... 145 00:07:40,992 --> 00:07:43,551 Or are you asking me, specifically, if I have a penis? 146 00:07:43,727 --> 00:07:46,457 Uh, it's more of a conversation starter. 147 00:07:46,630 --> 00:07:49,793 And here's a conversation ender. Adios. 148 00:07:49,966 --> 00:07:52,298 - Oh, bilingual snap. - Thank you. 149 00:07:52,469 --> 00:07:56,404 Do you not see me rocking this chiseled slab of hard man-body? 150 00:07:56,572 --> 00:07:59,507 - I mean, come on. Are you gay or not? - I am. 151 00:07:59,675 --> 00:08:02,576 - But you. You are so not my type. - What? 152 00:08:02,745 --> 00:08:04,474 Hey, I am everybody's type. 153 00:08:04,647 --> 00:08:06,638 - Oh, please. - What? 154 00:08:06,815 --> 00:08:09,977 - You are entirely too gay. - No, I'm not. 155 00:08:10,151 --> 00:08:13,211 - Are you kidding? - Oh my God, you, like, sneeze glitter. 156 00:08:13,388 --> 00:08:14,616 Thank you. 157 00:08:17,492 --> 00:08:19,392 So, yeah. I'm an ISIS agent... 158 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,789 and that Ram�n guy's a Cuban agent... 159 00:08:21,962 --> 00:08:25,329 and, uh, I'm supposed to run what we call a honey pot on him. 160 00:08:25,499 --> 00:08:28,696 I can't believe you have all this stuff and it's, like, portable. 161 00:08:28,869 --> 00:08:31,337 I can't believe you blab that you're a secret agent. 162 00:08:31,505 --> 00:08:33,335 I can't believe you're a hairdresser... 163 00:08:33,506 --> 00:08:36,634 and Rudi's an interior decorator. - God, he's the best in Miami. 164 00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:39,073 - Thank you. - You're quite welcome, sir. 165 00:08:39,245 --> 00:08:41,145 - Lf I had a spoon... No, no, no. 166 00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:43,144 I would eat you up. - Don't be nice. 167 00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:47,307 So this spy agency, is it, like, the real CIA "James Bondy" deal, or what? 168 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,953 Charles, ISIS employs some of the world's foremost... 169 00:08:50,121 --> 00:08:53,682 intelligence analysts, covert operatives, and scientists. 170 00:08:54,192 --> 00:08:58,958 - Wait, did Cyril play this stupid game? - You'll have to play to find out. 171 00:08:59,129 --> 00:09:02,963 Danny. Danny, stop running. We gotta keep that heart rate down, buddy. 172 00:09:03,133 --> 00:09:06,694 Okay, kill. Bang. Bang. 173 00:09:06,870 --> 00:09:09,804 - Ew, kill. - Well, thanks a lot. 174 00:09:09,972 --> 00:09:12,770 - Pam, it's a bad picture. - I think that's hot. 175 00:09:12,942 --> 00:09:15,467 Like, somebody murdering me? It's so... 176 00:09:15,645 --> 00:09:18,910 intimate. - So, yeah, basically, we're the front line... 177 00:09:19,082 --> 00:09:21,141 in the fight against tyranny. Thank you. 178 00:09:21,317 --> 00:09:24,012 - My pleasure. - I wanna dress you up like a little gnome... 179 00:09:24,186 --> 00:09:27,553 and just have you live in my garden. - I would like some new clothes. 180 00:09:27,723 --> 00:09:30,419 Shut up. But also and speaking of clothes... 181 00:09:30,592 --> 00:09:33,789 these seem way too normal. - What, normal as opposed to gay? 182 00:09:33,962 --> 00:09:35,929 Implying that gay is abnormal? 183 00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:38,292 Not abnormal, just gay. 184 00:09:38,466 --> 00:09:41,026 In spite of your personality, you get plenty of women, right? 185 00:09:41,202 --> 00:09:42,897 Uh, duh and or hello. 186 00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:46,334 So, "duh and or hello," just act like you normally do... 187 00:09:46,506 --> 00:09:47,996 around women. - Really? 188 00:09:48,441 --> 00:09:51,069 Because how hard is it to poach a goddamn egg properly? 189 00:09:53,546 --> 00:09:56,174 I believe he means before you lure them into the apartment, sir. 190 00:09:56,349 --> 00:10:00,842 Oh. Yeah, that makes more sense. So I just like, what? Approach him in a bar? 191 00:10:01,019 --> 00:10:04,011 - Yeah, If I were you, I'd try The Cock Fight. - What? A cockfight? 192 00:10:04,189 --> 00:10:07,090 - It's the name of a gay bar. - They also have actual cockfights. 193 00:10:07,259 --> 00:10:09,591 Yeah, Latino men. You take the bad with the good. 194 00:10:09,762 --> 00:10:13,561 Jesus, what's your problem? - You are. Blonde, brunette. 195 00:10:13,731 --> 00:10:15,824 I thought I made it clear you are not my type. 196 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,991 Is that where we landed on that, because l... 197 00:10:18,169 --> 00:10:20,034 Dios m�o. Is your ego so large... 198 00:10:20,204 --> 00:10:22,399 you cannot handle a single rejection? - Yes. 199 00:10:22,573 --> 00:10:25,803 - Let me buy you a drink. - I already have a drink. 200 00:10:25,976 --> 00:10:28,570 Why don't you buy him one? He could use it. 201 00:10:28,745 --> 00:10:32,044 Why... Why don't we all have one and talk about it. 202 00:10:34,084 --> 00:10:37,849 Seriously Woodhouse, how can you be so totally awesome and not be gay? 203 00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:42,480 Well, I was very fond of a boy at school once. 204 00:10:42,658 --> 00:10:44,387 Reggie Thistleton. 205 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,926 - But he died in the war, at Flanders. - Flanders? 206 00:10:48,096 --> 00:10:50,894 - What war was that? - Oh, the Great War. 207 00:10:51,065 --> 00:10:53,829 - They're all great. - Oh, my God, yes, those Nazi uniforms? 208 00:10:54,002 --> 00:10:55,560 - Hugo Boss. - Shut up. 209 00:10:55,737 --> 00:10:58,797 Swear to God. And look at slut, just getting home. 210 00:10:58,973 --> 00:11:01,304 - Well, I guess our advice worked. - No, it didn't. 211 00:11:01,475 --> 00:11:03,875 - Ram�n blew me off. - Then where were you all night? 212 00:11:04,044 --> 00:11:05,875 Way the Christ out in the Everglades... 213 00:11:06,046 --> 00:11:09,038 burying some Dominican guy's rooster. - Fun. 214 00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:11,081 - Oh, you mean literally. - Yes. 215 00:11:11,251 --> 00:11:13,150 Sorry. - I mean, look at my clothes. 216 00:11:13,319 --> 00:11:15,651 And what the hell are you wearing, Woodhouse? 217 00:11:15,822 --> 00:11:17,153 - L... - We bought those for him. 218 00:11:17,323 --> 00:11:19,791 If you throw them off the roof I'll fly to New York... 219 00:11:19,959 --> 00:11:21,756 and fling acid in your face. - Thank you. 220 00:11:23,696 --> 00:11:26,664 Oh, great. Mother, I have nothing to report yet. 221 00:11:26,832 --> 00:11:28,390 This is a lot harder than I thought. 222 00:11:28,567 --> 00:11:30,626 How hard could it be to talk a gay man... 223 00:11:30,802 --> 00:11:32,360 ... into having anonymous sex? 224 00:11:32,537 --> 00:11:35,995 - See the stereotypes we put up with? - You don't know what I'm dealing with. 225 00:11:36,174 --> 00:11:38,038 You don't know what I'm dealing with! 226 00:11:38,209 --> 00:11:42,305 See? Here is my nice building, my limousine, my mother. 227 00:11:42,479 --> 00:11:46,142 Oh, and my apartment is two bedrooms, so she won't even have to move out. 228 00:11:46,317 --> 00:11:49,115 So you just listen to me, Mr. Man. 229 00:11:49,286 --> 00:11:52,812 Get me some video of hot man-on-man action by tonight... 230 00:11:52,989 --> 00:11:56,584 ...or don't bother coming home. - She sounds... 231 00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,590 fabulous. - Yeah, she's actually not. 232 00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,729 But the stereotype thing got me thinking... 233 00:12:00,897 --> 00:12:04,662 because, let's see, Ram�n is Latino... - And Latinos are all about machismo. 234 00:12:04,833 --> 00:12:07,631 So you may have to out-macho him. 235 00:12:07,803 --> 00:12:10,601 Out-macho a gay guy? Oh, my stars. 236 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:14,207 Or, wait, you could just be a sarcastic bitch your whole life. 237 00:12:14,375 --> 00:12:15,603 - Thank you. Wait a... 238 00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:17,641 Did you set this whole thing up... 239 00:12:17,812 --> 00:12:20,474 just so I'd have to come live with you and your mother? 240 00:12:20,648 --> 00:12:25,483 - No! It was merely incompetence. - And I suppose that makes it better? 241 00:12:25,853 --> 00:12:26,978 Doesn't it? 242 00:12:27,153 --> 00:12:29,883 Wait a minute, how do you know Ram�n's playing jai alai right now? 243 00:12:30,056 --> 00:12:33,184 - Um, he's Latino. - So it's either that or dominoes. 244 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,453 Stereotypes exist for a reason. 245 00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:38,530 Okay, we're off to get our scrotums waxed. 246 00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:43,527 Ram�n, hey. I have a proposition for you. 247 00:12:45,671 --> 00:12:47,400 Mama, have to call you back. 248 00:12:47,573 --> 00:12:49,666 - Don't you ever give up? - Not when it comes... 249 00:12:49,842 --> 00:12:51,832 to somebody refusing to have sex with me. 250 00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:54,001 - You know, consensually or whatever. - Hmm. 251 00:12:54,178 --> 00:12:56,976 So me and you, one on one, loser has to do... 252 00:12:57,148 --> 00:12:59,548 whatever the winner says. - Lf I win... 253 00:12:59,717 --> 00:13:02,686 I want you to leave me alone. - Fine. But if I win... 254 00:13:02,854 --> 00:13:05,913 we go to your place and have, you know... 255 00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:08,523 gay sex. - Have you ever played jai alai? 256 00:13:08,692 --> 00:13:12,128 Uh, actually, lacrosse. But it's jai alai for white people. 257 00:13:12,296 --> 00:13:14,856 - Lacrosse is gay. - You're gay. I mean, I am too. 258 00:13:15,032 --> 00:13:17,556 - We're both gay. - Seriously, I can serve this pelota... 259 00:13:17,733 --> 00:13:20,998 almost two hundred miles an hour. - Big whoop, that little squishy... 260 00:13:21,170 --> 00:13:24,071 - Jesus, is this made of limestone? - It's a dangerous game. 261 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,141 Yeah? Well, I'm dangerous. And I'm gonna win. 262 00:13:27,310 --> 00:13:30,107 - And gay sex. - Okay. 263 00:13:30,278 --> 00:13:32,178 - Go stand over there. - Where, over here? 264 00:13:32,347 --> 00:13:35,180 - Mm, little more far. - What, here? 265 00:13:35,350 --> 00:13:37,181 - Is this...? - S�, s�. That's good, right there. 266 00:13:37,352 --> 00:13:39,718 That's what you're gonna be saying when I'm, uh, all... 267 00:13:39,888 --> 00:13:41,684 inside you with gay sex. 268 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,819 - Are you ready? - Yeah, I'm ready. 269 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,892 - Wait, do I need a helmet? - Probably. 270 00:13:47,061 --> 00:13:48,858 Wait, what? 271 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,098 I mean, after all... 272 00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:54,699 you are playing a very dangerous game... 273 00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:58,394 Sterling Archer of ISIS. 274 00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:04,407 There he is. Welcome back, amigo. 275 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,237 Jesus Christ, who... 276 00:14:06,411 --> 00:14:10,848 apparently uses the same awful decorator as my mother. 277 00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,007 Trust me, whoever decorated this condo... 278 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,244 is not in heaven. And neither are you... 279 00:14:15,420 --> 00:14:18,320 Agent Sterling Archer of ISIS. - Wait, you know who I am? 280 00:14:18,489 --> 00:14:20,150 Duh and or hola. 281 00:14:20,324 --> 00:14:23,555 - So you know why I'm here. - I assume because your mother forced you... 282 00:14:23,728 --> 00:14:26,993 to pose as a gay man, in hopes of catching me in a, how you say... 283 00:14:27,164 --> 00:14:29,825 pot of honey. - Yeah, which is just so classic her. 284 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:33,936 - Oh, you should meet my mother. She... - No, no, no, shut up, listen. My mother... 285 00:14:35,772 --> 00:14:38,468 - Oh, my God, that's her. - Dios m�o. It's her. 286 00:14:45,948 --> 00:14:48,212 L... I can't believe we hung up on them. 287 00:14:48,384 --> 00:14:51,478 - That was so thoroughly awesome, Ram�n. - This is awesome. 288 00:14:51,653 --> 00:14:53,245 - Here, try it. - No. Whoa, whoa. 289 00:14:53,422 --> 00:14:56,686 - It's raw, man. - No, the citric acid from the limes... 290 00:14:56,858 --> 00:14:58,792 actually cooks the fish. Try it. 291 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:00,188 Mm. Mm! 292 00:15:00,361 --> 00:15:03,353 - Oh, my, Ram�n, that is amazing. - Right? Mama always said: 293 00:15:06,967 --> 00:15:10,027 Mine always said: "Sterling, come in here and check me for lumps." 294 00:15:10,203 --> 00:15:13,138 - Holy shit, was that out loud? - It's okay. This is a safe place. 295 00:15:13,306 --> 00:15:16,139 - Yeah, but it's not, though. - Are you referring to these? 296 00:15:16,309 --> 00:15:19,835 - Ha. You found Krieger's cameras? - I think he is not so good at his job. 297 00:15:20,446 --> 00:15:23,381 Danny! 298 00:15:23,549 --> 00:15:26,211 Dude, that whole agency's not so good at their jobs. 299 00:15:27,686 --> 00:15:31,917 Kill. Kill. God, when do I get to the end so I can see what Cyril said? 300 00:15:32,090 --> 00:15:35,150 - You don't think that's hot? - I seriously think you're scary. 301 00:15:35,326 --> 00:15:38,056 No, no, no, like, a big sweaty fireman... 302 00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:41,289 carries you out of a burning building, lays you on the sidewalk. 303 00:15:41,466 --> 00:15:43,524 You think, he's gonna give me mouth-to-mouth. 304 00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:47,136 But instead he just starts choking the shit out of you... 305 00:15:47,304 --> 00:15:50,137 and the last sensation that you feel before you die... 306 00:15:50,307 --> 00:15:53,572 is he is squeezing your throat so hard that a big... 307 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:58,373 wet blob of drool drips off his teeth and just: "Blurp!" 308 00:15:58,548 --> 00:16:01,016 Falls right onto your popped-out eyeball. 309 00:16:03,986 --> 00:16:06,614 - Jesus Christ. - I know, right? 310 00:16:06,789 --> 00:16:09,154 - What the hell? - I'm wet just thinking about it. 311 00:16:09,324 --> 00:16:11,792 Cyril? Cyril, you get your ass out here right now. 312 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,588 Is she freaking cause Cyril said he wanted to bang Danny? 313 00:16:14,763 --> 00:16:16,924 No, it's cause he said he wanted to marry her. 314 00:16:17,099 --> 00:16:20,068 She's so weird. Hey, will you choke me a little bit? 315 00:16:20,234 --> 00:16:23,135 Pfft. That's nothing compared to the pendejos... 316 00:16:23,304 --> 00:16:26,068 I have to work with. - You haven't banged half of them... 317 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:30,370 like yours truly. - I can't. If Fidel found out I'm gay, he'd... 318 00:16:30,544 --> 00:16:33,478 - Well, that's why you're here. - And maybe it's the concussion... 319 00:16:33,646 --> 00:16:36,479 but I seriously feel crappy about that. - No. 320 00:16:36,649 --> 00:16:39,880 I feel crappy. I should not have tried to blackmail your mother. 321 00:16:40,053 --> 00:16:41,543 Yeah, what's on this thing anyway? 322 00:16:43,256 --> 00:16:47,282 Get on the floor, you tacky-ass, white-after-Labor-Day-wearing bitches. 323 00:16:47,459 --> 00:16:49,359 Thank you. - Charles and Rudi? What the...? 324 00:16:49,528 --> 00:16:52,088 - What is the meaning of this? - Sorry. We're a hit squad. 325 00:16:52,264 --> 00:16:54,960 Turns out Fidel is unhappy that one of his top agents is gay. 326 00:16:55,134 --> 00:16:56,260 Ay, dios m�o! 327 00:16:56,435 --> 00:16:58,800 Hey. Save your breath for cooling your ceviche. 328 00:16:58,970 --> 00:17:00,597 - Ceviche is already cold. - I know. 329 00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:03,035 You dicks were working for Castro this whole time? 330 00:17:03,207 --> 00:17:06,005 Positutely, yes. But we were having such a blast... 331 00:17:06,177 --> 00:17:09,010 hanging with Woodhouse... - Who's fine by the way. 332 00:17:09,180 --> 00:17:12,171 - I'm genuinely sorry about this. - But may I can keep the clothes? 333 00:17:12,349 --> 00:17:13,782 Forever and always. 334 00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:17,151 - Not that you care. - Yeah, I actually don't. 335 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:20,551 - So are you two even really gay? - As big old tangerines, yes. 336 00:17:20,724 --> 00:17:24,386 Then how can you work for Castro? You know his stance on homosexuality. 337 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,324 Because, commie, I have something called a mortgage. 338 00:17:27,496 --> 00:17:30,795 Hey, whoa, if this is about money, I know somebody who'd pay... 339 00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:33,093 a whole lot of money to get this back. 340 00:17:33,269 --> 00:17:34,895 - Sterling, no. - Hey, Ram�n, shut up. 341 00:17:35,069 --> 00:17:37,833 - Let the mummy talk. - I can't let you do this. 342 00:17:38,006 --> 00:17:40,770 What the...? - You'll never take me alive, bastardos. 343 00:17:41,609 --> 00:17:43,600 Let's outsource it to some cracked-up Haitians... 344 00:17:43,778 --> 00:17:45,439 that's what I said. You know why? 345 00:17:45,613 --> 00:17:48,206 So you could be all Little Miss "Hindsight's 20-20." 346 00:17:48,382 --> 00:17:50,543 - Here, take this. - Why did you have a salad gun? 347 00:17:50,717 --> 00:17:54,175 - Ah, I was going to kill you. - Oh, you are just the worst kind of... 348 00:17:54,354 --> 00:17:56,015 Me? Your mother started all of this. 349 00:17:56,190 --> 00:17:58,522 So give them the freaking disk. If I do that... 350 00:17:58,691 --> 00:18:01,558 it will become public. And if you see what's on this disk... 351 00:18:01,727 --> 00:18:04,355 - Well if you weren't gay, you will be. - Ha, ha! Well, what is it? 352 00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:07,021 A sex tape of Mother? 353 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,792 - Ahem. - Oh, my... 354 00:18:10,636 --> 00:18:12,125 But there, you see. It's gone. 355 00:18:13,572 --> 00:18:15,199 So it's okay, just let it all... 356 00:18:15,373 --> 00:18:18,069 Jesus, God, do you ladies want to put on your nightgowns... 357 00:18:18,243 --> 00:18:20,507 crack open a tube of cookie dough and talk? 358 00:18:20,679 --> 00:18:23,806 Goddamn it, we're dealing with some profound issues here... 359 00:18:23,981 --> 00:18:26,313 you queer. - What the hell, man? 360 00:18:26,483 --> 00:18:28,713 Sorry, I meant homosexual person. 361 00:18:28,886 --> 00:18:30,786 No, you idiota. We have a finite number of bullets. 362 00:18:32,189 --> 00:18:33,850 - Oh, my bad. - Oh, my bad. 363 00:18:34,024 --> 00:18:38,392 - Ha, ha. Now who feels stupid? - My guess is both of you. 364 00:18:38,561 --> 00:18:41,325 Since the last thing you see is gonna be that horrific sofa. 365 00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:44,330 Shut up, I bet you're not even a real interior decorator. 366 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:47,731 Well, he's not licensed or anything, but he's got a real flair for it. 367 00:18:47,904 --> 00:18:49,700 - Thank you. - So how about stand up... 368 00:18:49,871 --> 00:18:51,998 and let us paint the walls with your brains. 369 00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:54,142 - Here, take this. Jesus, Ram�n, a Claymore? 370 00:18:54,309 --> 00:18:56,402 - I can explain. - You were gonna frag me? 371 00:18:56,578 --> 00:19:00,308 No. This was for decorating. What, look at this place. 372 00:19:00,481 --> 00:19:03,746 - I was going to have to start from scratch. - The kitchen's not bad. 373 00:19:03,918 --> 00:19:07,115 Oh, God, are you kidding? That kitchen is awful... Oh, crap. 374 00:19:07,288 --> 00:19:09,415 No, thank you. 375 00:19:13,393 --> 00:19:16,385 Ram�n, was that not totally epic? 376 00:19:16,563 --> 00:19:19,327 S�, Sterling. Because you lived to tell the tale. 377 00:19:19,499 --> 00:19:22,696 No, no, no, because my mother's condo got trashed. 378 00:19:22,869 --> 00:19:25,894 God, she is gonna freak when... Wait, where's Charles and Rudi? 379 00:19:26,071 --> 00:19:30,405 Hmm. I think they must have escaped, however implausible that may seem. 380 00:19:30,576 --> 00:19:32,703 That does seem implausible. 381 00:19:32,878 --> 00:19:35,346 And so, I must now go into hiding. 382 00:19:35,514 --> 00:19:37,242 Fidel will keep sending hit squads... 383 00:19:37,415 --> 00:19:41,681 and he will not stop until I am dead. - So, what, just a life on the run? 384 00:19:41,853 --> 00:19:44,413 S�, just like el Doctor David Banner. 385 00:19:44,589 --> 00:19:46,989 - How do you say "The Hulk" in Spanish? - El Hulk. 386 00:19:47,158 --> 00:19:48,386 - Gay. - What? 387 00:19:48,559 --> 00:19:51,789 - We don't have a word for "Hulk." - Do you have a word for "gay?" 388 00:19:51,962 --> 00:19:53,020 - Gay. - Gayer! 389 00:19:53,196 --> 00:19:55,164 Jesus, Spanish, our jobs aren't enough. 390 00:19:55,332 --> 00:19:57,232 - Now you got to take our words? - Sterling. 391 00:19:57,401 --> 00:19:59,062 I didn't mean that, it was racist. 392 00:19:59,236 --> 00:20:01,704 And even though you were gonna shoot and or frag me... 393 00:20:01,871 --> 00:20:03,839 I feel like we had kind of a connection. 394 00:20:04,006 --> 00:20:07,442 I'm sad because we had a connection, and now... 395 00:20:07,610 --> 00:20:09,737 And now I feel like a dick so come on. 396 00:20:09,912 --> 00:20:12,506 - Let me turn that frown upside down. - How? 397 00:20:12,682 --> 00:20:15,115 Well, the bedroom was untouched by the explosion. 398 00:20:15,283 --> 00:20:17,808 - I'm listening. - So let's blow the shit out of it. 399 00:20:17,986 --> 00:20:19,783 Oh. I thought you meant you wanted to... 400 00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:24,615 - Ram�n. - And just why is that so funny? 401 00:20:24,793 --> 00:20:28,023 Not that. Woodhouse. He's all tied up somewhere. 402 00:20:28,195 --> 00:20:30,527 Scared... Scared and alone. 403 00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:34,625 Probably dehydrated. 34767

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