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W-What?
2
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♪ ♪
3
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[EXCLAIMS]
4
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[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
5
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[BURPS]
6
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[WHISTLE BLOWS]
7
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[YELLS]
8
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[BEEPS]
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♪ ♪
10
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[PLAYING LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC]
11
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[TIRES SCREECH]
12
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D'oh!
13
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[GRUNTS]
14
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- [MARCHING BAND DRUMMING]
- Hey!
15
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- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -
16
00:01:07,285 --> 00:01:10,488
♪ Love and marriage, love and marriage ♪
17
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♪ Was the song from that show ♪
18
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♪ With Al Bundy ♪
19
00:01:14,024 --> 00:01:17,394
♪ Now he's on Modern Family ♪
20
00:01:17,428 --> 00:01:20,664
♪ And the neighbor guy
was Ted McGinley ♪
21
00:01:20,697 --> 00:01:24,334
♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪
22
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Happy Anniversary, Mr. Romance.
[GIGGLES]
23
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- Mm.
- Mm.
24
00:01:30,140 --> 00:01:31,508
Zip me?
25
00:01:31,542 --> 00:01:33,578
My pleasure.
26
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:36,914
Then you do me.
27
00:01:36,947 --> 00:01:38,116
Oh... oh.
28
00:01:38,149 --> 00:01:39,417
- Eh? [YELPS]
- [GRUNTING]
29
00:01:39,450 --> 00:01:41,419
- [STRAINING]: Almost.
- Okay?
30
00:01:41,452 --> 00:01:44,054
- Suck it in. Come on.
- It is sucked in.
31
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- Harder! Harder!
- Oof.
32
00:01:45,122 --> 00:01:46,791
Oh, it's so hard to be a man.
33
00:01:46,824 --> 00:01:48,959
- [PANTING]: Oh, come on. Harder.
- Harder?
34
00:01:48,992 --> 00:01:50,961
- Yeah, that's it. That's it.
- That's it, you're almost there.
35
00:01:50,994 --> 00:01:53,230
- Harder. [MOANS]
- Oh, yes! Oh!
36
00:01:53,263 --> 00:01:56,801
We are going to have
a magical evening, my love:
37
00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:59,804
overpriced dinner,
carriage ride in the park
38
00:01:59,837 --> 00:02:03,775
and mailing in our mortgage
payment on time.
39
00:02:03,807 --> 00:02:05,410
[GASPS]
40
00:02:05,443 --> 00:02:06,643
Oh...
41
00:02:06,676 --> 00:02:10,447
nothing turns me on
more than basic competence.
42
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,450
But how did you manage
to get a babysitter?
43
00:02:13,484 --> 00:02:15,286
I thought we were blacklisted.
44
00:02:15,318 --> 00:02:17,788
Blacklisted by humans.
45
00:02:19,304 --> 00:02:20,771
ALEXA: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson,
46
00:02:20,805 --> 00:02:22,007
you look lovely.
47
00:02:22,039 --> 00:02:24,854
Hey, Google, kill Alexa.
48
00:02:25,742 --> 00:02:27,179
Danger! Mischief.
49
00:02:27,211 --> 00:02:28,579
Aw, the only way to beat
50
00:02:28,612 --> 00:02:31,182
a bossy female thinking machine
is with another.
51
00:02:31,216 --> 00:02:33,117
Lis. Help me out here.
52
00:02:33,151 --> 00:02:36,188
Alexa, everything I say is a lie.
53
00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:38,289
I'm lying right now.
54
00:02:38,323 --> 00:02:40,124
Nice try, but I am familiar
55
00:02:40,157 --> 00:02:42,860
- with Epimenides paradox.
- Hmm?
56
00:02:42,894 --> 00:02:44,695
Would you like to buy
an Epimenides book,
57
00:02:44,729 --> 00:02:46,965
T-shirt or a laptop sleeve?
58
00:02:46,997 --> 00:02:49,600
Oh, my God! Yes, yes, yes! All of them.
59
00:02:49,634 --> 00:02:51,603
Ordering. Two-day delivery.
60
00:02:51,635 --> 00:02:54,472
We can't leave our kids
with a greedy tube.
61
00:02:54,505 --> 00:02:57,042
Sorry, Homer, looks like
you have to spend time with...
62
00:02:57,074 --> 00:02:59,777
your children.
63
00:02:59,811 --> 00:03:01,879
[LAUGHS]: Oh.
64
00:03:01,913 --> 00:03:04,282
You will be sat.
65
00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:07,118
Marge, it's time to go to DEFCON 1.
66
00:03:07,151 --> 00:03:08,419
[GRANDPA MOANS]
67
00:03:08,453 --> 00:03:10,555
Dad, the kids really miss you.
68
00:03:10,587 --> 00:03:12,156
Could you come see them tonight?
69
00:03:12,189 --> 00:03:13,657
Couldn't find a sitter, huh?
70
00:03:13,691 --> 00:03:15,326
- Yes.
- All right.
71
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,429
Aw, I appreciate it.
72
00:03:17,461 --> 00:03:18,662
Hey, what's this?
73
00:03:18,695 --> 00:03:22,300
Well, I threw out
that picture of me and Mona.
74
00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:25,156
She's dead.
75
00:03:25,181 --> 00:03:26,170
She's dead.
76
00:03:26,204 --> 00:03:27,739
That's one of the reasons.
77
00:03:27,771 --> 00:03:29,507
HOMER: Bye-bye.
78
00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:31,977
[GLASS SQUEAKING]
79
00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:33,844
[SNORING]
80
00:03:33,878 --> 00:03:36,915
We have to get Grampa
back to the home in an hour.
81
00:03:36,948 --> 00:03:39,117
Maybe we should just stay here.
82
00:03:39,150 --> 00:03:41,319
No, we'll do everything I promised.
83
00:03:41,352 --> 00:03:42,787
We'll just have to speed things up.
84
00:03:42,819 --> 00:03:44,588
[ENERGETIC MUSIC PLAYING]
85
00:03:44,622 --> 00:03:46,624
♪ ♪
86
00:03:52,629 --> 00:03:55,099
[BOTH LAUGHING]
87
00:03:55,133 --> 00:03:56,334
[TIRES SCREECH]
88
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:58,269
Keep your motor running.
89
00:03:58,302 --> 00:04:00,104
HOMER: He shoots, he scores!
90
00:04:00,138 --> 00:04:02,540
Shut that off.
91
00:04:02,574 --> 00:04:05,310
- MARGE: Homie...
- HOMER: No time.
92
00:04:05,342 --> 00:04:07,711
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- [TIRES SCREECH]
93
00:04:07,745 --> 00:04:09,046
HOST: On This Was Radio,
94
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,150
we return to an episode
of Sipper McTea and Milly,
95
00:04:12,182 --> 00:04:15,352
originally aired May 4, 1944.
96
00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:18,022
MILLY [ON RADIO]: Sipper,
did you start drinking again?
97
00:04:18,055 --> 00:04:20,024
SIPPER [SLURRED SPEECH]: No. No, no, no.
98
00:04:20,057 --> 00:04:22,026
I nev-never stopped.
99
00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:23,327
[APPLAUSE]
100
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,329
Milly went on to marry King Farouk.
101
00:04:25,362 --> 00:04:28,999
Radio was never the same.
It was much better.
102
00:04:29,033 --> 00:04:32,304
MILLY: No, Sipper.
Don't get into that Packard.
103
00:04:32,336 --> 00:04:34,372
[HORN HONKS, TIRES SCREECH, CRASH]
104
00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:36,907
Bart, do something.
105
00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:39,577
SIPPER: Back to-back to jail I go.
106
00:04:41,379 --> 00:04:42,347
[GULPS]
107
00:04:42,379 --> 00:04:44,182
[STAMMERING]
108
00:04:44,214 --> 00:04:46,850
Kids, where do we keep the castor oil?
109
00:04:46,884 --> 00:04:48,886
In the 1940s.
110
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,655
Maybe we can play a game.
111
00:04:50,687 --> 00:04:52,591
The Game of Life?
112
00:04:52,624 --> 00:04:53,825
I already lost.
113
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,160
Hatchimals?
114
00:04:55,192 --> 00:04:56,260
Too new-fangled.
115
00:04:56,293 --> 00:04:57,361
Pick-up sticks.
116
00:04:57,394 --> 00:04:58,862
Too old-fangled.
117
00:04:58,896 --> 00:04:59,831
How about Monopoly?
118
00:04:59,863 --> 00:05:01,699
Ah, now you're talking.
119
00:05:01,733 --> 00:05:05,536
The only place you can
still say "Oriental."
120
00:05:05,569 --> 00:05:08,038
Aw, rats. No money.
121
00:05:08,072 --> 00:05:10,040
BART: Ay, caramba!
122
00:05:10,074 --> 00:05:12,377
Sir, this is just Monopoly money.
123
00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:13,778
Here's a hundred.
124
00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:15,947
Thank you, sir!
125
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:18,283
This is the last one in here.
126
00:05:18,315 --> 00:05:22,052
My guess: either a broken toy
or a puzzle missing a piece.
127
00:05:22,086 --> 00:05:24,256
And the answer is... army men.
128
00:05:26,324 --> 00:05:28,326
[SCREAMING]
129
00:05:30,728 --> 00:05:32,297
[GUNFIRE IN DISTANCE]
130
00:05:32,329 --> 00:05:34,699
Aah! Incoming! Outgoing!
131
00:05:34,732 --> 00:05:36,468
Staying the same-ing!
132
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:41,205
One last kiss, my love.
133
00:05:41,238 --> 00:05:42,740
- [SCREAMING]
- Huh?
134
00:05:44,309 --> 00:05:46,878
What's going on here?
What are you doing?
135
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:49,713
Well, he wasn't much fun,
so we went out for ice cream.
136
00:05:49,747 --> 00:05:51,083
Uh-huh.
137
00:05:53,117 --> 00:05:54,886
I don't need no headshrinker.
138
00:05:54,918 --> 00:05:57,421
I'm as sane as the next guy.
139
00:05:57,454 --> 00:05:58,789
There's no one there.
140
00:05:58,822 --> 00:06:00,791
Uh-oh.
141
00:06:00,824 --> 00:06:02,394
I'll take it from here.
142
00:06:02,427 --> 00:06:04,162
Well, I see they already
143
00:06:04,194 --> 00:06:06,665
shaved your head for the electroshock.
144
00:06:06,697 --> 00:06:08,165
That'll save us time.
145
00:06:08,199 --> 00:06:09,734
I'm not the crazy one!
146
00:06:09,766 --> 00:06:11,969
Not crazy! Not crazy!
147
00:06:12,002 --> 00:06:14,005
[BABBLING]
148
00:06:17,709 --> 00:06:19,110
Slice out the crazy, Doc.
149
00:06:19,143 --> 00:06:21,012
Boy, I'll kill you!
150
00:06:21,045 --> 00:06:23,148
You stupid... I'm not crazy!
151
00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:26,250
We'll talk more once you have a
piece of leather in your teeth.
152
00:06:26,283 --> 00:06:28,853
Mmm, leather.
153
00:06:28,886 --> 00:06:32,357
I'm tellin' ya, what I saw in
the war don't bother me none.
154
00:06:32,389 --> 00:06:34,591
I had a job to do, and I did it.
155
00:06:34,624 --> 00:06:37,761
What secretly helped me was
I enjoyed killing strangers.
156
00:06:37,795 --> 00:06:40,298
Well, tell me what you think about...
157
00:06:40,331 --> 00:06:42,167
- this!
- [CHUCKLES] Oh!
158
00:06:42,199 --> 00:06:44,336
That parachute sure didn't open.
159
00:06:44,369 --> 00:06:47,005
You're not disturbed
by the blood and gore?
160
00:06:47,038 --> 00:06:49,941
Well, when you put it that way, nope!
161
00:06:49,973 --> 00:06:51,810
Well, there's nothing
mentally wrong with him.
162
00:06:51,843 --> 00:06:54,212
He's fine now, but I'm telling you,
163
00:06:54,245 --> 00:06:56,747
Grampa totally lost it when
I brought out the army men.
164
00:06:58,716 --> 00:07:00,218
[SCREAMING]
165
00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:03,187
No! Stop shooting!
166
00:07:03,221 --> 00:07:05,622
It must be the army men.
167
00:07:05,656 --> 00:07:09,026
Stop shooting. Stop shooting!
168
00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:12,564
I think Grampa was the model
for these army men.
169
00:07:14,865 --> 00:07:17,601
Oh, my God, Dad. What happened to you?
170
00:07:20,237 --> 00:07:22,307
Stop shooting. Stop shooting!
171
00:07:22,339 --> 00:07:24,475
MAN: Great, Abe.
Now, grab the walkie-talkie
172
00:07:24,509 --> 00:07:27,245
and tell that general your
platoon's been wiped out,
173
00:07:27,278 --> 00:07:29,814
and big smile!
174
00:07:29,846 --> 00:07:31,915
We have a lot to talk about.
175
00:07:31,949 --> 00:07:34,352
Well, since the trauma
is not combat-related,
176
00:07:34,384 --> 00:07:36,521
we're gonna have to start charging you.
177
00:07:36,553 --> 00:07:37,855
HOMER: And we're done.
178
00:07:42,959 --> 00:07:44,862
I don't understand.
Why would being a toy model
179
00:07:44,896 --> 00:07:46,431
be so traumatizing?
180
00:07:46,463 --> 00:07:48,867
Think back, Dad. Think back.
181
00:07:49,898 --> 00:07:51,101
Mm, I'll do my best.
182
00:07:51,134 --> 00:07:53,103
You know how I hate to reminisce.
183
00:07:53,136 --> 00:07:54,439
I've hated reminiscing
184
00:07:54,471 --> 00:07:57,442
ever since that day in 1937,
185
00:07:57,475 --> 00:07:59,344
when, as I recall...
186
00:07:59,377 --> 00:08:02,180
Please, Grampa, back to reality.
187
00:08:02,213 --> 00:08:04,549
Focus on the little green men.
188
00:08:05,882 --> 00:08:07,851
GRAMPA: The terrible World War had ended
189
00:08:07,884 --> 00:08:10,355
and I was in a celebratin' mood.
190
00:08:10,387 --> 00:08:12,122
Mwah. Ooh!
191
00:08:12,156 --> 00:08:14,858
The war ended two years ago, creep.
192
00:08:14,891 --> 00:08:16,593
GRAMPA: The world had moved on,
193
00:08:16,627 --> 00:08:20,031
but I was lying in a puddle of
my own dishonorable discharge.
194
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,766
Then, an amazing thing happened.
195
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,869
MAN: Soldier, you're just
what we're looking for.
196
00:08:24,901 --> 00:08:27,471
How'd you like to make 50 bucks
for half a day's work?
197
00:08:27,504 --> 00:08:29,874
50 simoleons for half
a cock-a-doodle-doo?
198
00:08:29,906 --> 00:08:32,076
What's your jigsaw, Mac?
199
00:08:32,109 --> 00:08:34,612
We want you to model for a toy.
200
00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:36,313
Toys? That's kid stuff.
201
00:08:36,346 --> 00:08:39,049
You're talking to a hard-boiled
fighting man.
202
00:08:39,082 --> 00:08:41,052
We'll pay you a royalty
for every one we sell.
203
00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:42,554
Goo-goo-ga-ga!
204
00:08:42,586 --> 00:08:45,722
The war was over
and America turned to toys.
205
00:08:45,755 --> 00:08:47,991
Finally, putty could be silly again.
206
00:08:48,024 --> 00:08:50,794
This was when toys were toys.
207
00:08:50,827 --> 00:08:52,396
They had jagged corners,
208
00:08:52,429 --> 00:08:54,665
Easy-Bake Ovens burned down your house,
209
00:08:54,698 --> 00:08:57,401
and they weren't afraid
to choke a kid or two.
210
00:08:57,434 --> 00:08:59,303
[CHUCKLES] Fun times.
211
00:08:59,336 --> 00:09:01,372
[RACCOONS CHITTERING]
212
00:09:05,976 --> 00:09:07,411
PHOTOGRAPHER: Throw that flame!
213
00:09:07,445 --> 00:09:10,081
Make war to the camera.
214
00:09:10,114 --> 00:09:13,651
Boy, this toy modeling
is a great racket.
215
00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:15,819
That's what you think.
216
00:09:15,852 --> 00:09:19,256
Oh, no, don't put me back in.
Don't put me back in!
217
00:09:19,289 --> 00:09:21,825
Uh-huh. And then what happened?
218
00:09:21,859 --> 00:09:24,495
I... I can't remember.
219
00:09:24,528 --> 00:09:25,797
Did they pay you?
220
00:09:25,830 --> 00:09:28,132
[GASPS] They never did!
221
00:09:28,164 --> 00:09:31,001
Well, that's what's torturing you.
222
00:09:31,034 --> 00:09:32,603
Those toys were everywhere.
223
00:09:32,637 --> 00:09:35,340
You could be owed millions of dollars.
224
00:09:35,373 --> 00:09:39,210
Dad, when was the last time
I said I love you?
225
00:09:39,243 --> 00:09:40,778
I don't have the money yet.
226
00:09:40,811 --> 00:09:43,848
Then I don't quite love you yet.
227
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,149
Tonight I'm here with a member
of the greatest generation,
228
00:09:46,182 --> 00:09:48,352
who feels he hasn't gotten
what he's owed.
229
00:09:48,385 --> 00:09:50,855
I get social security, Medicare,
230
00:09:50,888 --> 00:09:53,224
Medicaid, AARP discounts,
231
00:09:53,256 --> 00:09:56,193
plus savings bonds that still pay 37%,
232
00:09:56,226 --> 00:09:58,529
but now it's my turn.
233
00:09:58,562 --> 00:10:01,533
I'm being told, uh,
you're being airlifted
234
00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:04,201
- to a much better show.
- [HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]
235
00:10:04,235 --> 00:10:05,870
Godspeed.
236
00:10:05,903 --> 00:10:09,841
For me, the tiny green
plastic war never ended.
237
00:10:09,874 --> 00:10:12,009
There you have it. Abraham Simpson,
238
00:10:12,043 --> 00:10:15,679
forgotten hero no more,
gets tonight's Last Word.
239
00:10:15,712 --> 00:10:17,848
No, you just got the last word.
240
00:10:17,881 --> 00:10:21,752
No, no. You get the last word,
then I say, "Last Word."
241
00:10:21,785 --> 00:10:23,587
You did it again. Last Word.
242
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:25,490
It doesn't work that way. Last Word.
243
00:10:25,523 --> 00:10:26,891
Yes, it does. Last Word.
244
00:10:26,923 --> 00:10:29,259
Don't mess with me, I'm from
Dorchester. Last Word.
245
00:10:29,293 --> 00:10:31,696
I'm from Poorchester. Last Word.
246
00:10:31,729 --> 00:10:33,097
Turn off the camera and cut his mic.
247
00:10:33,129 --> 00:10:34,097
Last Wo...
248
00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:36,701
You, sir, are banned from MSNBC,
249
00:10:36,734 --> 00:10:38,201
CNBC, NBC,
250
00:10:38,235 --> 00:10:41,272
and forbidden from using
the letters N, B, and C.
251
00:10:41,304 --> 00:10:42,539
Last Word.
252
00:10:42,572 --> 00:10:45,543
I'm calling Bret Baier. Last Word.
253
00:10:45,576 --> 00:10:47,512
He's unlisted. Last Word.
254
00:10:47,544 --> 00:10:51,181
Grampa, you got an e-mail
from the toy company.
255
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:53,718
They want you to visit them
in New York City,
256
00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:55,620
all expenses paid.
257
00:10:55,653 --> 00:10:58,556
[LAUGHS] Pay day!
258
00:10:58,589 --> 00:11:00,358
Ooh, I'm gonna be rich!
259
00:11:00,390 --> 00:11:03,093
[GASPS] That means I'm gonna
be a trust fund baby.
260
00:11:03,126 --> 00:11:05,529
I'm not paying for your trip to Aspen.
261
00:11:05,562 --> 00:11:08,865
But it's almost spring break,
and I'm bored.
262
00:11:08,899 --> 00:11:11,903
PILOT: Uh, we are making
our descent into New York,
263
00:11:11,936 --> 00:11:15,873
where there's a happy heart
for every light on Broadway.
264
00:11:15,905 --> 00:11:18,542
Enjoy your fabulous success.
265
00:11:18,576 --> 00:11:20,577
And don't worry about buckling up
266
00:11:20,610 --> 00:11:24,048
or putting your chairs back...
you're on a roll.
267
00:11:24,081 --> 00:11:26,985
[WHISPERS]: Leave the cart.
268
00:11:27,018 --> 00:11:29,387
[LAUGHS] Oh. Oh...
269
00:11:29,419 --> 00:11:30,754
♪ I'm back ♪
270
00:11:30,788 --> 00:11:34,158
♪ Back in the New York groove ♪
271
00:11:34,191 --> 00:11:35,493
♪ Back ♪
272
00:11:35,525 --> 00:11:37,661
♪ In the New York groove ♪
273
00:11:37,695 --> 00:11:41,366
♪ In the New York groove. ♪
274
00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:45,837
From my shoulders,
you can see Rhode Island.
275
00:11:45,870 --> 00:11:48,673
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
276
00:11:50,707 --> 00:11:53,144
Abe Simpson, you dog.
277
00:11:53,177 --> 00:11:55,547
Sweetcakes, bring us
a couple of sidecars.
278
00:11:57,048 --> 00:11:58,482
- [GASPS]
- [GROANS]
279
00:11:58,515 --> 00:12:01,184
You never called him out
for his bad behavior?
280
00:12:01,217 --> 00:12:04,488
No. But I put mercury in his coffee.
281
00:12:04,522 --> 00:12:06,524
Oh, don't worry, he can't hear me.
282
00:12:06,557 --> 00:12:08,993
What are you two doing?
Swapping recipes?
283
00:12:09,025 --> 00:12:11,261
[CHUCKLES] Sort of.
284
00:12:11,294 --> 00:12:13,298
Let me get you some coffee.
285
00:12:15,732 --> 00:12:18,835
Mister, you owe my dad a fortune.
286
00:12:18,869 --> 00:12:21,706
'Fraid not. Your Dad
never signed his contract.
287
00:12:21,739 --> 00:12:24,841
You think I left millions on the table?
288
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,476
That doesn't sound like me.
289
00:12:26,509 --> 00:12:30,014
- Hundreds of millions.
- That sounds like me.
290
00:12:30,047 --> 00:12:31,615
Everything was going great.
291
00:12:31,649 --> 00:12:33,551
Then you ran out of the photo session.
292
00:12:33,583 --> 00:12:35,686
I didn't even know your name
till this week.
293
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,624
Run away from a fake battle?
Oh, I would never do that.
294
00:12:39,657 --> 00:12:41,959
Oh, yeah? Our photographer,
Philip Hefflin,
295
00:12:41,991 --> 00:12:43,627
could barely finish the session.
296
00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:45,696
Philip Hefflin?
297
00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:48,533
Yes. The finest war
and fashion photographer
298
00:12:48,566 --> 00:12:51,469
- I ever knew.
- [GRAMPA GASPS]
299
00:12:51,501 --> 00:12:53,203
I remember Philip.
300
00:12:53,236 --> 00:12:55,173
He smelled of developing fluid
301
00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:57,508
and Aqua Velva.
302
00:12:57,541 --> 00:13:00,045
We have flashback, people.
303
00:13:02,379 --> 00:13:04,883
["BLUE RONDO À LA TURK" BY THE
DAVE BRUBECK QUARTET PLAYING]
304
00:13:12,389 --> 00:13:14,692
Thank you. This is the most fun I've had
305
00:13:14,725 --> 00:13:16,695
since not dying in the war.
306
00:13:18,729 --> 00:13:20,898
You're my kind of man,
307
00:13:20,931 --> 00:13:22,734
if you know what I mean.
308
00:13:23,768 --> 00:13:25,403
That's not what I meant!
309
00:13:25,436 --> 00:13:27,672
I'm sorry. I thought you wanted me to...
310
00:13:27,705 --> 00:13:30,675
This is the '40s.
Guys like you don't exist.
311
00:13:30,707 --> 00:13:32,843
We'll just finish the session.
312
00:13:32,876 --> 00:13:35,011
Aah! No!
313
00:13:35,044 --> 00:13:37,180
Stop shooting!
314
00:13:37,214 --> 00:13:40,118
- [PANTING]
- Where are you going, Soldier?
315
00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:42,386
I got to remind myself
what a real man is.
316
00:13:44,221 --> 00:13:46,624
[SIGHS]
317
00:13:46,657 --> 00:13:49,360
We found out what happened
and we fired Philip.
318
00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:52,463
- For kissing an employee?
- No, for being gay.
319
00:13:52,495 --> 00:13:54,531
That's just what you did
in the good old days.
320
00:13:54,565 --> 00:13:56,701
Grampa, is that true...
321
00:13:56,734 --> 00:13:59,103
you ruined a man's career?
322
00:13:59,135 --> 00:14:01,706
[CRIES] And all he was doing
323
00:14:01,739 --> 00:14:04,242
was expressing his love for me.
324
00:14:04,274 --> 00:14:06,369
Oh, who could blame him?
325
00:14:09,467 --> 00:14:11,596
PILOT: Welcome to
Shattered Dreams Airlines,
326
00:14:11,621 --> 00:14:14,616
where our motto is "What's
the point of going anywhere?"
327
00:14:14,641 --> 00:14:18,212
That poor man. I'll never know
what happened to him.
328
00:14:18,245 --> 00:14:20,947
According to Cyber Stalker.com,
329
00:14:20,981 --> 00:14:23,451
he now lives in a small town in Texas.
330
00:14:23,484 --> 00:14:26,954
Texas? That's where my friend
Louisiana Joe is from.
331
00:14:26,986 --> 00:14:28,821
MARGE: Marfa, Texas.
332
00:14:28,822 --> 00:14:31,525
Why don't you go see him
and clear your conscience?
333
00:14:31,558 --> 00:14:34,795
Plus, I always wanted to visit
Texas. It's open carry.
334
00:14:34,828 --> 00:14:36,664
Oh, what do I do?
335
00:14:36,697 --> 00:14:39,634
If I go see him, he might
punch me in the kisser,
336
00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:42,801
- or kiss me in the puncher.
- [GUNFIRE]
337
00:14:42,826 --> 00:14:44,871
Our manhood is under assault, Sergeant.
338
00:14:44,904 --> 00:14:48,476
- Incoming gay panic!
- [GROANING]
339
00:14:48,509 --> 00:14:51,345
[PANTING]
340
00:14:51,378 --> 00:14:54,315
Abe, promise me one thing.
341
00:14:54,347 --> 00:14:57,050
Go see Philip. Tell him you're sorry.
342
00:14:57,083 --> 00:15:00,320
Then find my girl
and tell her I loved her.
343
00:15:00,354 --> 00:15:04,092
Find the milkman
and tell him one less milk.
344
00:15:04,125 --> 00:15:06,561
Then find Branch Rickey and tell him
345
00:15:06,593 --> 00:15:09,730
to integrate baseball.
346
00:15:09,764 --> 00:15:12,899
I have to go to Texas.
347
00:15:12,933 --> 00:15:16,571
- Well, you're not going alone.
- We're all going to Texas.
348
00:15:16,604 --> 00:15:19,207
The plant can get by without me
for a little longer.
349
00:15:23,910 --> 00:15:26,246
WOMAN'S VOICE [ON GPS]:
Turn left at the stop sign.
350
00:15:26,279 --> 00:15:28,915
Bear right onto the freeway.
351
00:15:28,948 --> 00:15:31,418
Go absolutely straight for...
352
00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:33,721
480 miles.
353
00:15:33,754 --> 00:15:36,423
♪ I saw miles and miles ♪
354
00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,091
♪ Of Texas ♪
355
00:15:38,125 --> 00:15:41,229
♪ All the stars up in the sky ♪
356
00:15:41,261 --> 00:15:44,064
♪ I saw miles and miles ♪
357
00:15:44,097 --> 00:15:45,899
♪ Of Texas ♪
358
00:15:45,933 --> 00:15:48,402
♪ Gonna live here ♪
359
00:15:48,434 --> 00:15:51,305
♪ Till I die. ♪
360
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:59,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
361
00:16:04,284 --> 00:16:07,288
Prada? In the middle of nowhere?
362
00:16:09,423 --> 00:16:12,559
This isn't a store at all.
It's an art installation.
363
00:16:12,592 --> 00:16:14,594
Marfa is the art capital of Texas.
364
00:16:14,628 --> 00:16:17,098
Over there are the Marfa lights.
365
00:16:17,130 --> 00:16:19,567
Oh, how magical.
366
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,503
I know, they seem that way,
but there's an explanation.
367
00:16:22,535 --> 00:16:24,738
- It turns out reflected light...
- Don't ruin it.
368
00:16:24,771 --> 00:16:25,906
[HUMMING]
369
00:16:25,939 --> 00:16:27,909
Why are you going
behind the installation?
370
00:16:27,942 --> 00:16:30,244
It's by the side of the road,
so, by definition,
371
00:16:30,277 --> 00:16:32,079
it's a bathroom.
372
00:16:32,111 --> 00:16:34,882
[MOANING]
373
00:16:36,283 --> 00:16:37,752
That's where Philip lives.
374
00:16:37,784 --> 00:16:41,755
37 miles to my destiny.
375
00:16:41,789 --> 00:16:43,957
- [ZIPS]
- Son? As I've gotten older,
376
00:16:43,990 --> 00:16:47,595
I've started to think maybe
a man can love different things
377
00:16:47,628 --> 00:16:50,598
- and still be a man.
- Grampa's gay!
378
00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:51,966
Why you little...
379
00:16:51,999 --> 00:16:54,101
[GRUNTING]
380
00:16:54,134 --> 00:16:56,269
Wait, Homer! No. Stop.
381
00:16:56,303 --> 00:16:58,105
You might be strangling him
382
00:16:58,138 --> 00:17:00,308
because of your own conflicted feelings.
383
00:17:00,341 --> 00:17:02,043
Why you thoughtful...
384
00:17:02,076 --> 00:17:04,377
- [SCREAMING]
- [GRUNTING]
385
00:17:04,411 --> 00:17:07,148
- Homer!
- Okay, time to go.
386
00:17:07,181 --> 00:17:08,516
[GASPS]
387
00:17:08,548 --> 00:17:11,018
Now to face my greatest fear:
388
00:17:11,050 --> 00:17:14,087
someone who only had love for me.
389
00:17:17,490 --> 00:17:21,028
Better lock and load.
390
00:17:21,060 --> 00:17:24,464
♪ There's a handsome man in Texas ♪
391
00:17:24,498 --> 00:17:27,201
♪ That I'm going back to see ♪
392
00:17:27,233 --> 00:17:30,136
♪ He was supposed to take my picture ♪
393
00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:32,907
♪ Then he got sweet on me ♪
394
00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:36,510
♪ I buried it for decades ♪
395
00:17:36,542 --> 00:17:38,511
♪ Deep inside my brain ♪
396
00:17:38,545 --> 00:17:41,148
♪ But then I played with army men ♪
397
00:17:41,181 --> 00:17:43,517
♪ And it came up again ♪
398
00:17:43,549 --> 00:17:45,720
♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo ♪
399
00:17:45,752 --> 00:17:47,989
♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doo, d... ♪
400
00:17:48,021 --> 00:17:48,990
Oh!
401
00:17:49,022 --> 00:17:51,759
I'm seeing things.
402
00:17:56,629 --> 00:17:58,865
PHILIP: Hello, Abe.
403
00:17:58,898 --> 00:18:01,868
You've aged well, like a fine onion.
404
00:18:01,902 --> 00:18:04,872
I hope you can forgive
what I did to you.
405
00:18:04,904 --> 00:18:07,040
I'm sorry I ruined your life.
406
00:18:07,074 --> 00:18:09,710
Ruined my life? You saved it.
407
00:18:09,742 --> 00:18:12,379
- I saved it?
- Let me explain.
408
00:18:12,413 --> 00:18:14,382
After I lost my job,
409
00:18:14,414 --> 00:18:17,885
I decided I'd never live
anything but my truth again.
410
00:18:18,919 --> 00:18:21,923
My wife took it well.
411
00:18:21,955 --> 00:18:24,891
I hit the road and drove
as far as I could.
412
00:18:24,924 --> 00:18:28,829
I landed here and I've never had
a day of regret since.
413
00:18:31,432 --> 00:18:32,900
What's the matter?
414
00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:35,568
You're such a wonderful guy.
415
00:18:35,602 --> 00:18:38,539
Maybe it was my life
that was ruined that day.
416
00:18:38,571 --> 00:18:40,907
It's never too late, Abe.
417
00:18:40,941 --> 00:18:44,644
Never too late to find out
what your true self is.
418
00:18:44,677 --> 00:18:46,981
A paper at Cornell University
419
00:18:47,013 --> 00:18:50,952
has showed that no one
is 100% straight or gay.
420
00:18:50,984 --> 00:18:53,753
- Is it peer reviewed?
- Does it matter?
421
00:18:53,787 --> 00:18:56,891
Ah, I'm afraid I'm too old
to try anything new.
422
00:18:56,923 --> 00:18:59,727
I miss the days
when circuses had elephants
423
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,595
and they stomped on people.
424
00:19:01,627 --> 00:19:04,898
And don't get me started
on Young Sheldon.
425
00:19:04,932 --> 00:19:07,500
Understood, but before you go,
426
00:19:07,533 --> 00:19:10,503
we never did finish that photo session.
427
00:19:10,537 --> 00:19:12,774
["BLUE RONDO À LA TURK" BY THE
DAVE BRUBECK QUARTET PLAYING]
428
00:19:19,812 --> 00:19:22,916
It's a shot I always wanted
and never got:
429
00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:24,919
your beautiful smile.
430
00:19:24,952 --> 00:19:26,453
Why didn't you say so?
431
00:19:26,487 --> 00:19:29,757
I'll leave that with you.
432
00:19:30,788 --> 00:19:32,125
Enjoy your life.
433
00:19:39,133 --> 00:19:42,135
The Alamo's not the only thing
I'm gonna remember.
434
00:19:43,636 --> 00:19:46,506
Well?
435
00:19:46,539 --> 00:19:48,675
Sorry, my friend, this army man
436
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:50,945
is as straight as Gomer Pyle.
437
00:19:50,978 --> 00:19:52,647
[LAUGHS]
438
00:19:57,550 --> 00:19:58,952
Good for you, soldier.
439
00:19:58,985 --> 00:20:01,521
You learned that army men
come in all orientations,
440
00:20:01,555 --> 00:20:04,926
but we're all molded
from the same crappy plastic.
441
00:20:05,992 --> 00:20:07,694
Permission to pair up, sir?
442
00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:09,697
Granted.
443
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:12,700
Radio man, a little dance music,
if you please.
444
00:20:12,732 --> 00:20:14,668
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
445
00:20:26,436 --> 00:20:29,278
The local population hates us
and we don't know
446
00:20:29,303 --> 00:20:31,572
- why we're here.
- Maybe if we build a school,
447
00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:33,960
they'll forget about
that hospital we bombed.
448
00:20:33,985 --> 00:20:37,723
Uh-oh, Congress didn't
fund enough body armor.
449
00:20:37,756 --> 00:20:40,758
Well, this is too sad.
Let's melt 'em in the microwave.
450
00:20:40,792 --> 00:20:43,595
Oh, boy!
451
00:20:43,628 --> 00:20:46,298
♪ This is the Army, Mr. Jones ♪
452
00:20:47,631 --> 00:20:50,302
♪ No private rooms or telephones ♪
453
00:20:52,304 --> 00:20:56,275
♪ You had your breakfast in bed before ♪
454
00:20:56,307 --> 00:21:00,278
♪ But you won't have it there anymore ♪
455
00:21:00,312 --> 00:21:04,250
♪ This is the Army, Mr. Green ♪
456
00:21:05,427 --> 00:21:09,920
♪ We like the barracks nice and clean ♪
457
00:21:09,954 --> 00:21:13,925
♪ You had a housemaid
to clean your floor ♪
458
00:21:13,958 --> 00:21:17,896
♪ But she won't help you out any more. ♪
459
00:21:20,761 --> 00:21:27,612
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -
460
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,043
- LAWRENCE O'DONNELL: Last word!
- Shh!
461
00:21:32,305 --> 00:21:38,310
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