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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,772
CHERYL (lazily):
* Twinkle, twinkle,
little star *
2
00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:09,410
* How I wonder what you are *
3
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:13,381
* Something, something,
up so high *
4
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:16,717
* Kicking, screaming,
burned alive *
5
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,452
ARCHER (on comms):
Goddamn it, Cheryl,
6
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,354
are you gonna shoot
this goddamn thing or what?
7
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:24,092
Well, it's hard for me
to make a decision
8
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,360
without knowing
what this "or what" option is.
9
00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:27,761
Duh.
10
00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:29,463
ARCHER:
For God's sakes, Lana,
11
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:33,234
do you literally
want to become lunch?
12
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,702
The gas pedal
is the one on the right.
13
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:37,938
I'm trying.
I can't get any power.
14
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:40,608
CHERYL:
Why are these guns
so freaking loud?
15
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,043
My earballs are on fire!
16
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,414
Shoot him in the dick!
17
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,748
CYRIL:
Space snails
18
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,317
don't have dicks.
19
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:50,451
Technically, they have both
20
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,220
male and female
reproductive organs,
21
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:54,422
so they can inseminate
and be inseminated.
22
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,557
Cyril's definitely been
to those kind of parties.
23
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,226
-PAM: (laughs) Space burn.
-Would you idiots
24
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,728
mind focusing
on the problem at hand, please?
25
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:04,064
Krieger, why can't I get
any power from the boosters?
26
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:06,834
What the hell is going on
with the power supply?
27
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:08,169
Goddamn it!
28
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:09,837
Something must be
depleting power from the ship.
29
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:11,939
Did someone leave the fan on
in the bathroom again?
30
00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:14,007
-Not me.
-And why not?
31
00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:16,777
What is with all the banging
and the shouting?
32
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,812
Are we hosting a quinceañera?
33
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,983
-(alarm blaring)
-(all scream)
34
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:26,254
Oh, shit!
35
00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:30,324
CHERYL:
No!
36
00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:34,295
I left my purse in there!
37
00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:38,166
(Archer theme playing)
38
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,137
(all groaning)
39
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:20,308
-That was awesome.
-Awesome?
40
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:21,842
We're stuck inside
a space nautilus
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00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,844
somewhere between his colon
and his cloaca.
42
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,413
What's a cloaca?
43
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:27,248
It's an organ that's used
for excretion
44
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:28,482
and also intercourse.
45
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:29,683
(laughs)
Smart.
46
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,252
Pam, shut up.
47
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,020
You know, for the person
who got us into this mess,
48
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:35,689
you certainly are yelling
at people a lot.
49
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,991
-You got us into this mess.
-Hey, let's not point fingers.
50
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,860
Especially yours, Lana.
51
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,229
Those things are like
cricket bats.
52
00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,996
You're the one
who wouldn't listen to me
53
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,498
and set our course for a galaxy
54
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:46,600
to which we've never been
before, and, as we can now see,
55
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:49,737
is a ship-eating
cosmo crustacean.
56
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,905
Well, you were the one
making the flight super boring,
57
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,407
so I started punching
colored buttons
58
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:55,042
on the navigation panel,
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00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:58,712
building to a loud,
yelly, final last point!
60
00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:00,714
Can we please figure out
how the hell
61
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,015
we're getting out of here?
62
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:03,217
-Yeah!
-We are totally boned.
63
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:04,785
Would everyone relax.
We'll just
64
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,620
fire up the old plasma torch,
65
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,957
cut an ulcer in this thing,
and zorp our way out of here.
66
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,796
LANA:
Okay. Don't waste
any more power.
67
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,231
It'll work.
68
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:19,099
WOMAN:
No, it will not.
69
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,468
Well, not with that attitude.
70
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:21,969
That wasn't me, idiot.
71
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:24,272
-I tried that, too,
when I got here.
-Wha...
72
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,274
MALORY:
Can't you go anywhere
these days
73
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:28,809
without being accosted
by the homeless?
74
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:31,579
CHERYL:
Um, so I guess I'll just
wait out here, then,
75
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,547
like some space-flunky.
76
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:39,653
(laughs)
This is so stupid.
77
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,221
"Lead us into battle, Cheryl."
78
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:43,424
"Rescue the ship
from certain doom, Carol."
79
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:46,994
Who am I,
Artemisia I of Caria?
80
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,730
(creature groans)
81
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,433
You know what I mean.
82
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,570
-(all groaning in disgust)
-Oh, God!
83
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:57,605
Is it...a human?
84
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,607
RAY:
Of sorts.
85
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,442
Smells like
a diaper's coffin in here.
86
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:04,077
This is why
you don't invite them in.
87
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,079
-She's a vampire?
-Everyone shut up.
88
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,449
Who are you
and what are you doing here?
89
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,017
My name is Glenda Price,
90
00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:12,653
captain of the starship
Tristan of Coralia.
91
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,458
I also commanded
the CoreStart mission.
92
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,826
Wrote a book about it.
93
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,861
Space Me, Space You.
94
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,164
About all the good we did
95
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:26,534
and the lives we saved
throughout the universe?
96
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:29,470
The cover art is my
Intergalactic Peace Prize medal?
97
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:30,604
-Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I remember that.
-I love Space Me, Space You.
98
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:31,639
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
-Yeah, yeah, space.
99
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,474
Anyway, the Tristan was on
100
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,476
an intergalactic
humanitarian mission
101
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,177
when we ran into the Zarglorp.
102
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:38,812
What's the Zarglorp?
103
00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:40,113
-Seriously?
-Come on!
104
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:42,049
Even I know that was stupid.
105
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:43,851
The creature that ate us, dummy.
106
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:46,520
-Jesus, all right, sorry.
-We were delivering
107
00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:49,957
medical supplies to poor
children and burn victims
108
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,893
when an asteroid storm
forced us off course
109
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,728
into the Targluk Galaxy.
110
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,864
Is that how
you all ended up there?
111
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,399
Uh... uh, y-yup.
112
00:04:58,499 --> 00:04:59,733
Asteroid storm.
113
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,502
Size of eggs.
114
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:04,705
Ah, yes. We got dragged in
and swallowed whole.
115
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:08,008
The Tristan is still wedged
nearby in the digestive canal.
116
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,978
-And your crew?
-Oh, we made do at first.
117
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,847
We played softball,
taught ourselves piano.
118
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:16,417
But then the rations ran out
and, one by one,
119
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:18,051
they killed themselves.
120
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,420
-LANA: Wow.
-CYRIL: Cheesy Petes.
121
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,154
Captain, I am so sorry
to hear that.
122
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:24,425
Me too. We lived in our own
little utopia.
123
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:26,026
(inhales shakily)
124
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,662
They were my best friends.
125
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:31,164
Best friends?
But they work for you.
126
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:34,001
Anyhow, then, as they died,
we'd eat them.
127
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,503
Smart.
128
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,438
Unfortunately,
there's no way out of here.
129
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:40,441
We'll slowly be digested over
the next hundred years or so.
130
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,676
A hundred years?
That's, like, forever.
131
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:45,112
-Nobody lives that long, idiot.
-You definitely won't
132
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:46,880
if you don't
keep your mouth shut.
133
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,749
(grunts)
134
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,184
All right, calm down. We aren't
spending the rest of our lives
135
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:54,522
in some space prawn's shit
factory. Krieger, figure out
136
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,624
why there's no power
to the boosters and fix it.
137
00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:58,025
-KRIEGER: Yep, yep, yep.
-Ray,
138
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,793
fix anything
damaged in the crash.
139
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,195
Pam, Lana, and I will go back
to the Tristan
140
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,565
and collect anything that might
help us get out of here.
141
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:07,100
Cyril, I guess
just keep being useless.
142
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,636
-Captain?
-What do you need?
143
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,471
I want to help you all
get to safety,
144
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,540
like when I rescued
the Vantaurians
145
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,775
from that ELE on Vantaur Five,
146
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,977
then used all my money
147
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:19,813
to get them all
universal health care.
148
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,214
That's insurance
that is accepted
149
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,450
throughout the universe.
150
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,818
Wow, what a goddamn saint
you are.
151
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,620
Do you have any blast charges
on your ship?
152
00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:28,789
Yes, but do not use them,
because...
153
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,824
Great.
Okay, Pam, this is crucial.
154
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,726
Once we're out there,
look for anything we can use
155
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,495
to make me a drink.
156
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:37,565
We're in the middle
of a space creature's stomach.
157
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:40,267
There's always something
that can be a mixer, Lana.
158
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,570
I made a drink once
out of Barbicide and hair gel.
159
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,638
It's called a Moscow Mousse.
160
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:46,006
Well, it seems like you all
161
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:47,741
have this situation
under control.
162
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:50,511
Under control?
We're currently food.
163
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,745
Well, you know me.
164
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,081
Always "glass half full."
165
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,917
* Ta-ta.
166
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,756
CHERYL:
Okay, pro: all my stuff
is on board,
167
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,191
including that kick-ass purse
168
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,693
that has metal studs
on the bottom
169
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:07,928
so it doesn't touch
gross restaurant floors.
170
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,631
Con. (sighs)
I'm gonna have to keep doing
171
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,700
stupid fighter pilot missions,
and they're so boring
172
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,702
'cause I'm so good.
173
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,103
MALORY (on comms):
Pro: I'm here.
174
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,606
Is that you,
voice in my head?
175
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:21,374
You sound so much older.
And drunker.
176
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,477
Look at the screen,
you glue-eating pinhead.
177
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:26,313
Oh! I've seen this show!
With the mean lady!
178
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,882
-Um... Matlock!
-Listen to me.
179
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:32,452
We have to fly down
into that monster this instant.
180
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,221
For my purse?
I know, right?
181
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:36,323
It matches literally everything.
182
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,492
No, you clod.
To pick up Sterling,
183
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,227
then get the hell out of here.
184
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,895
Mm, no, thanks.
185
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,131
What do you mean,
"No, thanks"?
186
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,799
I'm probably
just better off leaving
187
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,234
and starting a new life.
188
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,636
Hey, you want to come?
189
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:50,704
-Gals' trip!
-Absolutely not!
190
00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:53,373
Now listen to me. We are
flying back down there and...
191
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,143
You're not my space supervisor!
192
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,545
(groans)
193
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,816
ARCHER:
All right, Cyril,
while we're gone,
194
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,518
keep Captain Price company.
195
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:05,853
She's been through a lot.
196
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,755
Maybe you'll learn
a thing or two from her.
197
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,356
Oh, from the woman
who got her ship eaten
198
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:10,858
and her whole crew killed?
199
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,060
That's still more than you've
ever accomplished, Cyril.
200
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,094
Keep her company.
201
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:16,196
(door hisses)
202
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,365
Cyril, right?
Come over here.
203
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:21,268
Sit down. Let's have a chat,
just you and I.
204
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,403
Would you like to hear the story
205
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:25,405
of how I saved
the Drang population
206
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:27,107
after the Great Flood
of the Mupak Valley?
207
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:30,210
You know what?
Yes, I would.
208
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,679
Screw it,
if we're dying in here,
209
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,547
I'm gonna go ahead
and finish that cake.
210
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,583
I mean, I don't even care.
211
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,554
-Krieger?
-(gasps) Still looking for
the source of the power loss.
212
00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:43,190
Seems like it's been
getting sucked all night.
213
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,425
Space phrasing.
All right, find it and fix it.
214
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,027
Once this thing pukes us out,
215
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,930
we're gonna need those boosters
to get out of this galaxy.
216
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,969
Don't worry, my child.
217
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,971
Daddy's here.
218
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,373
(hoarsely)
More...
219
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:03,143
power.
220
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:08,248
(machine whirring)
221
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:14,922
LANA:
What was that bullshit
back there with Cyril?
222
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,556
"Keep Captain Price company"?
223
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,826
Since when do you care
about other people's feelings?
224
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:21,128
Well, unlike you, Lana,
I have empathy.
225
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,263
Oh, wait.
Uh, sympathy?
226
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,665
I think it's "symphony."
227
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:26,834
I can put myself
in Price's shoes, okay?
228
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,802
I know I'm gonna be
the last survivor,
229
00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,638
resorting to cannibalism.
230
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,841
Stuck here to die alone,
literally eating dicks.
231
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,275
Oh, come on.
232
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:36,844
Or, you know, whatever Pam has.
233
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:38,445
I hesitate
to call that thing a dick.
234
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,347
It's more like a garbage claw.
235
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:41,749
LANA:
Oh, pfft. Give me a break.
236
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:43,150
You don't want to die alone?
237
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,185
You were always
gonna die alone.
238
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,020
ARCHER:
What's that supposed to mean?
239
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,656
LANA:
Archer, be honest.
240
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,624
You're not close to anyone
because you don't care.
241
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,660
You don't even bother
to listen to people,
242
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:53,761
especially me.
243
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,162
That's not true, Lana.
244
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,864
I just listened
to that entire sentence,
245
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,531
and it was excruciating.
246
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,167
Up top.
247
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,504
Holy shitsnacks.
248
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,373
These must be
the suicidal crew members
249
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:07,941
Price was talking about.
250
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:10,510
LANA:
Uh, you ever hear about
someone committing suicide
251
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,680
by bludgeoning themselves
in the back of the head?
252
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,982
Hey, the blast charges!
253
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,950
LANA:
Weren't you listening
when Price said
254
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,819
not to set those charges off?
255
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,654
I actually wasn't.
What did she say?
256
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:21,955
LANA:
Not to.
257
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,824
Don't make things worse
than they already are.
258
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,326
Worse?
We're in a monster's colon.
259
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,628
We'll be safe here
behind this big fleshy...
260
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,297
What is this, a tumor?
261
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,365
Aw, poor guy.
262
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,709
Okay, now get back
to the ship.
263
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,476
Hey, what's that?
264
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:46,814
LANA:
Ugh. Some sort of parasites
265
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:49,049
that live in this thing's
digestive system.
266
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,818
PAM:
Yeah, I get those sometimes
267
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,485
if I've been
nosing through the trash.
268
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,387
-(screeching)
-LANA: Ugh.
269
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,756
Remember me saying
something about
270
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,324
not wanting things to get worse?
271
00:10:57,357 --> 00:11:00,093
(chuckles)
I actually was listening then.
272
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,662
Will you shut up
and help me think of a plan?
273
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,364
ARCHER:
She said, while both talking
274
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,399
and not coming up with a plan.
275
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,568
-LANA: Archer...
-ARCHER: Wait.
I just came up with a plan.
276
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:10,070
It's kind of complex.
277
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,338
Run!
278
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,941
(all screaming)
279
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,943
(creatures shrieking)
280
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,746
I sliced the Florglap
right in his face
281
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,447
and I never looked back.
282
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,182
And because of my heroism,
283
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,584
they made a holiday in my honor.
284
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:27,120
I mean, not a bank holiday,
but still.
285
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:29,556
Wow, what a rewarding life.
286
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:31,524
So, tell me
about your life, Cyril.
287
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:32,926
Oh, me?
(scoffs)
288
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,594
I've had a rough go of it.
You don't want to hear it.
289
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:37,197
Son, nothing matters to me more.
290
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,566
A captain cares about her crew
more than herself.
291
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:41,234
That's the captain's code.
292
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:44,805
Well, okay,
if it's the captain's code.
293
00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:47,875
Uh, I guess it all started
when I was about five.
294
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:50,277
I never wanted
to be a fighter pilot.
295
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,579
I wanted to work in fashion.
296
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:54,147
Wouldn't that
be a sight to see?
297
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,416
Totally. You see these outfits
we're wearing, right?
298
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,918
Who came up with this?
299
00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:00,153
Does anybody's ass look good
in a flight suit?
300
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:01,755
-No!
-Well, you know,
301
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:04,624
I have some friends
in the design world.
302
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:08,428
Hey!
I just had a great idea.
303
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:12,065
-You know what we should do?
-Yes! We should rob them!
304
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:13,934
No!
We should fly down
305
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,236
into that monster
to get Sterling, then...
306
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:19,006
I love it!
You and me can be space pirates!
307
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:21,842
With my fighter pilot skills
and your "zerp-zerp" thing,
308
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:24,244
-we could run this galaxy!
-(sighs)
309
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:27,280
Ooh, let's plan
our pirate outfits!
310
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,082
(crying):
And it turns out
311
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,184
everyone did know
it was my birthday
312
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:34,021
and they skipped it
just to hurt my feelings.
313
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:37,490
To this day, I've never got
to play spin the bottle!
314
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:41,461
Wow.
Life, she is a bitch.
315
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,963
But you know what people say?
316
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,664
When things seem darkest...
317
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,666
What, Captain?
318
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,368
Kill yourself.
319
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,473
KRIEGER:
Oh, my dear boy,
320
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:54,808
look at you.
321
00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:57,544
You're an exact replica of me.
322
00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:00,013
Though that hairline
could use a little work.
323
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:03,150
M-more power!
324
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:06,887
-Shh, okay, okay.
-More, more, more...
325
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,989
-(machine whirring)
-(shouts)
326
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,524
-(pop)
-(machine whirrs down)
327
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,160
(rustling)
328
00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:18,165
Oh, no, I've killed him!
329
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,633
(sobbing):
Oh, God, no!
330
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,702
Son, I didn't mean to kill you.
331
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:25,472
(distorted):
M-murder!
332
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,841
-Murderer!
-No, no, shh!
333
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:30,177
-Murderer! Murderer!
-No, no, shut up, shut up.
No, no, no, you're fine.
334
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,812
-Murderer!
-You're fine. You're alive!
Shh, shh, shh!
335
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,681
-You are mur...
-No, no!
336
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:37,717
I am not a murderer,
337
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:40,087
you stupid head!
338
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,191
Figured out the power problem!
339
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,758
PRICE:
Okay, now,
340
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:48,095
the rabbit goes around the tree
341
00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:50,397
and back into the hole.
342
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,400
Is the dehydrated milk
up here somew...
343
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,068
The hell are you doing?
344
00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:57,905
-Killing myself.
-Why, other than the obvious?
345
00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,073
Well, sometimes
killing ourselves
346
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:03,543
is the most noble thing we
can do for our fellow survivors.
347
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,545
Have you ever thought about it?
348
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,414
Okay, nope, get that thing
off your neck.
349
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:08,748
Uh-oh.
350
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:11,551
You know what we have
on our hands here, Cyril?
351
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:14,187
A dirty mutineer.
352
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,191
(gulps)
353
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,529
(shrieking, growling)
354
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,599
CYRIL:
"And finally, to my crewmates:
355
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,435
"I regret leaving this world
so early,
356
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,939
but I shall see you
in the next." Good?
357
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:35,475
Then maybe something like,
um, "All my love, Cyril.
358
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,577
P.S.:
Please eat me."
359
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:40,480
-Hmm. Yeah.
-(muffled shouting)
360
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,950
See?
He thinks it's good too.
361
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,252
Now let's find you
a load-bearing pipe.
362
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,254
(grunting)
363
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,794
(groans)
Hello?
364
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,596
Can anyone hear me?
365
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:57,965
Over.
366
00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,599
Ooh!
What about eye patches?
367
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,302
I mean, we don't actually have
to have our eyes cut out
368
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,304
to wear them--
unless you want to.
369
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:05,772
RAY:
Can anyone hear me?
370
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:08,441
Arr, this is
Space Pirate Cheryl. Go ahead.
371
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:10,310
There's a psycho loose
on the ship!
372
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,745
She's brainwashing the crew
to kill themselves
373
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,414
so she can eat us!
374
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,949
(gasps)
Sterling!
375
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:18,418
Cheryl, listen to me.
We have to go in there.
376
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,253
Duh, of course
we have to go in there.
377
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:21,921
There's someone
brainwashing people
378
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,523
into killing themselves!
379
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,258
-RAY: Hurry up!
-Let's go!
380
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,826
All right, me hearties, open up!
381
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:28,661
Here be breakfast!
382
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,830
PRICE:
Well, well,
383
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:33,000
well.
Looks like we have
384
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,835
a dirty traitor in our midst.
385
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,971
I think you know
what to do, Cyril.
386
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:42,209
(door hisses)
387
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,845
What the hell is this?
388
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,114
Cyril's trying to kill me!
389
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,881
Then I'm gonna kill myself.
390
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,483
Then they want us to eat them.
391
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:54,054
-Smart.
-Cyril, you idiot,
Price is space-mad.
392
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,223
She convinced her crew
to kill themselves
393
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:57,457
so she could eat them.
394
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,326
Wh... Wow.
395
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,628
I... never.
396
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:05,065
I am Glenda Macmillan Price,
397
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:07,300
intergalactic hero,
398
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,536
and I'll be damned
if you'll accuse me...
399
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:10,637
(yelling)
400
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,206
(grunting)
401
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:16,209
Hey, guys?
We're down to auxiliary power.
402
00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:18,211
No way to know
how that happened.
403
00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:20,880
But I do have an idea.
Captain Price, you said
404
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:23,316
your ship was lodged
in the digestive tract,
405
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:26,019
-but it's not
out of power, correct?
-(grunting) That's right.
406
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,754
Well, if the fuel rods
are undamaged,
407
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,889
conceivably, we could
hook up our generator
408
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,591
to the Tristan,
throw the switch,
409
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,726
and it could
generate enough heat
410
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,163
-possibly to induce vomiting.
-(banging, screeching
in distance)
411
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,065
-What the hell is that sound?
-Those are the giant
412
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:39,932
man-eating parasites
that have been chasing us
413
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:43,002
since Archer set off the blast
charges Price told us not to!
414
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:46,106
I think we all learned
a valuable lesson from that
415
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:48,575
that we wouldn't
have known otherwise, and...
416
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:49,942
(short chuckle)
...now we know.
417
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,678
(screeching)
418
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:53,213
You idiot!
419
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,515
I've been successfully hiding
from those things for years!
420
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,917
Hey, how about this?
I say we try Krieger's idea.
421
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,419
Lana, get behind the wheel
422
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,054
and get this sucker ready
to blow out of here.
423
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:03,390
Cyril, stop trying
to kill yourself.
424
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:04,857
Aw, Archer.
425
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,059
Help Krieger ready the boosters,
426
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:07,894
then kill yourself if you want.
427
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,762
Captain, you're coming with me
and Pam back to your ship
428
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,531
to show us
where the fuel rods are.
429
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,467
Then we hook them up
and get the hell out.
430
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:15,602
Whoohoo!
431
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:19,106
Suicide cult, here I come!
432
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,440
(screeching)
433
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:23,943
Damn it!
How does this beast stay alive
434
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,778
-with all these parasites?
-Yeah.
435
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,080
Plus I think we saw a tumor.
436
00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:28,881
He seems so young, too.
437
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,717
-(grunts)
-(screeching)
438
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,386
(yelling)
439
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:36,289
Come on! I was about
to do my finishing move.
440
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:44,297
Hey, wait a minute,
441
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,799
I thought you said the crew
ran out of rations, Price.
442
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:50,237
Fine! Yes!
I went space-crazy, okay?
443
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:51,638
I killed some of the crew,
444
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:53,573
some killed each other
at my order,
445
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:56,809
and others killed themselves
to escape my bloodthirsty wrath.
446
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,845
You're like a dog
with a bone about this.
447
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,947
-God!
-ARCHER: All right, here,
448
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,315
hook them up.
449
00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:04,784
(sighs)
There's just one problem.
450
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,353
LANA:
Archer, what the hell
is taking so long?
451
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:07,954
We have to get moving.
452
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,356
ARCHER:
Uh, we've got a little problem.
453
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:10,523
What is it?
454
00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:12,292
When we transfer power
between the ships,
455
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,794
the Seamus will immediately
shoot out of this thing...
456
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,796
Hopefully through its mouth
and not its duke chute.
457
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:20,300
ARCHER:
Shut up, Pam. But in doing so,
458
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:23,303
whoever powers up the Tristan
will be left behind.
459
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,805
-(creatures continue
screeching in distance)
-Over?
460
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,107
-Well...
-ARCHER: Wait, what's that?
461
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:31,478
(imitating static crackling)
I-I can barely hear you.
462
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,680
(imitating static crackling)
463
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,548
Price should stay back?
464
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:38,050
-I didn't hear anything.
-(imitating static crackling)
465
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,886
Unanimous vote, you say?
466
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,054
Well, looks like
the people have spoken.
467
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,524
So give us, like, to the count
of 60 to get back,
468
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:45,825
then juice this baby up.
469
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,627
The hell I'm staying back.
470
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,729
Glenda Price
didn't eat directly out
471
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,699
of a bridge crewman's
eye socket to die here today.
472
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:55,168
Price, listen, you're
a self-obsessed megalomaniac
473
00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:58,037
who sacrificed her crew
for her own survival.
474
00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,739
You only ever
thought of yourself.
475
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,374
-You're a villain.
-Ugh.
476
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:03,376
But in your final moments,
you can be remembered
477
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:04,844
for all the good you did
478
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:08,515
instead of your,
you know, cannibalism.
479
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:12,051
But how would people know
what I did to save you all?
480
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:15,822
Here, I'll record
your heroic farewell.
481
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:19,692
And I promise,
the entire galaxy will hear it.
482
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,361
Okay.
483
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:24,264
This is Captain Glenda Price
of the Tristan.
484
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:28,335
Of all the many humanitarian
missions I've been on,
485
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:30,503
all the lives I've saved,
486
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,104
this last act of bravery
487
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:34,674
shall be my greatest.
488
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:38,177
Sure, there will be songs
of my courage
489
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:41,881
and statues in my honor.
490
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:45,585
But know that serving
my fellow man...
491
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:48,120
(stifles sob, sighs)
492
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:51,924
...it was my privilege.
493
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:53,360
Get out of here.
494
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,863
Captain's orders!
495
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,465
Aye, aye, Captain.
496
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,201
For what it's worth,
I would have liked being
497
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:04,737
an outlaw space pirate with you!
498
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,072
Even though you're kind of mean
499
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,707
and mostly electromagnets,
500
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,476
you're still my favorite!
501
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,944
I hope this thing
chews you like gum,
502
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,946
you crazy bitch.
503
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:16,583
-All right, Lana, light it up.
-Krieger, are we ready to go?
504
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:17,950
-KRIEGER: Yep, yep, yep.
-Okay.
505
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:20,119
Captain Price,
for the final time,
506
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:23,790
please power up for liftoff,
you brave, brave soul.
507
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,057
PRICE:
Aye, aye.
508
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,730
Jesus Christ,
it's one goddamn button, Price.
509
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,799
How hard is it not to screw up
the last moment of your life?
510
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:33,833
(thrusters roaring)
511
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:40,139
It's working!
512
00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:42,342
(creature groans)
513
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,844
It's working.
Hold on. Here we go.
514
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,985
MALORY:
That's them! They got out!
515
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:55,988
Fly away, you idiot!
Fly away!
516
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:58,791
CHERYL:
Stop yelling at me!
517
00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:03,095
PAM:
(sighs)
518
00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:05,832
Is it just me, or is this
literally the best tea
519
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:09,001
-in the entire galaxy?
-That's probably
the opium talking.
520
00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:11,838
Chasing that space dragon.
Rawr! (chuckles)
521
00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:13,640
CHERYL:
So now
522
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:16,142
not only am I
not a part of a suicide cult.
523
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,010
I'm never gonna get a chance
to be ever again.
524
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:19,712
There, there, dear.
525
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:22,715
You're dead to me.
That must count for something.
526
00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:24,216
Aw, thanks.
527
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:26,218
Hey, I forgot to ask--
how did you end up
528
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:28,287
-getting out of there?
-We were able to generate
529
00:21:28,321 --> 00:21:31,123
enough heat from the fuel rods
that the Zarglorp spit us out.
530
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:33,159
Oh, of course--
the extra fuel rods
531
00:21:33,192 --> 00:21:34,961
in the downstairs storage room.
532
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:37,964
I was hoping you'd find those.
Glad they worked out.
533
00:21:37,997 --> 00:21:40,199
Yeah, worked out for everybody.
534
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,636
So you gonna
upload Price's farewell
535
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:45,372
so the entire galaxy
can hear it?
536
00:21:45,405 --> 00:21:46,873
(laughs)
Are you kidding me?
537
00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:49,175
-I wasn't recording that.
-Wait, what?
538
00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:51,143
What about your promise?
539
00:21:51,177 --> 00:21:53,480
Wow, you really are an asshole.
540
00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:55,582
Oh, I'm the asshole.
541
00:21:55,682 --> 00:21:57,884
Lana, that lady ate people.
542
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:02,722
Hey, I could
really go for a Moscow Mousse.
543
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:04,156
You want one?
544
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:28,114
MAN:
Made in Georgia.
545
00:22:32,552 --> 00:22:34,454
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
40093
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