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# You must remember this
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# A kiss is still a kiss
3
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# A sigh is just a sigh
4
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# The fundamental things apply
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# As time goes by #
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- Funny things, peanuts.
- What?
7
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I said peanuts are funny things.
8
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I mean, peanuts and things on sticks aren't
usually in one's main stream of consciousness.
9
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No, I have to admit that.
10
00:00:47,207 --> 00:00:50,882
But have people in for drinks...
and out they come.
11
00:00:50,927 --> 00:00:53,395
You're in a very philosophical mood.
12
00:00:53,447 --> 00:00:57,645
Anyway, we're taking Sandy out to dinner
to cheer her up.
13
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Hm. If I'd just split up with somebody
I wouldn't want to go out to dinner.
14
00:01:01,807 --> 00:01:05,800
No, I don't suppose you would.
But you're not Sandy, are you?
15
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:11,363
I'll tell you one thing,
we must all avoid being unnaturally bright.
16
00:01:11,407 --> 00:01:14,046
That shouldn't be too difficult for you.
17
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- Was that a dig?
- Yes, it was actually. It was.
18
00:01:18,647 --> 00:01:21,480
I've been preoccupied with Father's wedding.
19
00:01:21,527 --> 00:01:26,999
- I'm looking forward to it.
- He's 85 and his bride to be is 78.
20
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You think she's too young for him?
21
00:01:30,247 --> 00:01:33,319
- I think it's absurd.
- Will you call her "Mummy"?
22
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Mumsy, perhaps...
23
00:01:37,327 --> 00:01:40,922
- Shh! They're here.
- I'm not very good with young women.
24
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You used to be. Just try and remember how.
25
00:01:48,407 --> 00:01:50,398
- Hello.
- Ah, Sandy.
26
00:01:50,447 --> 00:01:54,076
- Hello, Sandy.
- I'm not sure this is a good idea.
27
00:01:54,127 --> 00:01:58,086
- Don't be silly!
- It's a great idea, even if I didn't think of it.
28
00:01:58,127 --> 00:02:00,243
There you are. Lionel.
29
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:01,686
Lionel?
30
00:02:02,607 --> 00:02:05,326
I think it's a crackpot idea, to be truthful.
31
00:02:05,367 --> 00:02:08,245
- Li...
- But it's well-intentioned
32
00:02:08,287 --> 00:02:12,041
and it's been arranged by people
who care for you so make the best of it.
33
00:02:12,087 --> 00:02:14,157
- Oh!
- Hm.
34
00:02:14,207 --> 00:02:16,198
You did remember.
35
00:02:16,767 --> 00:02:19,440
Come on, let's all sit down and have a drink.
36
00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:22,957
And a peanut and a thing on a stick.
What'll it be, Sandy?
37
00:02:23,007 --> 00:02:26,522
- Gin and tonic, please.
- I've booked a table at Simpson's.
38
00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:30,401
- I think we can stand that.
- Simpson's? I should split up more often.
39
00:02:30,447 --> 00:02:33,041
Oh, now who's that?
40
00:02:33,087 --> 00:02:37,524
- Why do people say that?
- You're not trying to fix me up, are you?
41
00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:40,445
- Of course not.
- I could have half a dozen A1 guys
42
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- on the doorstep with their tongues out.
- No, thank you.
43
00:02:43,927 --> 00:02:47,317
They could lick the steps clean.
44
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:50,200
Look, er, I'm sorry but it's my father.
45
00:02:50,247 --> 00:02:53,637
Don't be sorry.
He's absolutely sweet.
46
00:02:53,687 --> 00:02:56,247
Oh, Mr Hardcastle, how nice to see you again.
47
00:02:56,287 --> 00:02:58,881
Mm, Jean Pargetter.
48
00:02:59,567 --> 00:03:03,879
- You look more dishy every time I see you.
- Didn't I tell you he was sweet?
49
00:03:03,927 --> 00:03:06,361
- This is my daughter, Judith.
- Hello.
50
00:03:06,407 --> 00:03:08,762
You're almost as dishy as your mother.
51
00:03:08,807 --> 00:03:12,197
- And this is my sec... Well, my friend, Sandy.
- Hello.
52
00:03:12,247 --> 00:03:15,398
A man could go mad with desire in this room.
53
00:03:16,167 --> 00:03:19,603
- You know Alistair?
- Of course. Hello, young fellow.
54
00:03:19,647 --> 00:03:22,559
Haven't seen you
since you were a martyr to acne.
55
00:03:22,607 --> 00:03:26,646
- Father!
- No probs. I was called Spotted Dick at school.
56
00:03:26,687 --> 00:03:29,360
- Ugh!
- Well, do sit down, Mr Hardcastle.
57
00:03:29,407 --> 00:03:31,398
- Have a drink.
- Yes, Scotch.
58
00:03:31,447 --> 00:03:34,723
And cut out all the "Mr" stuff, eh?
Call me Rocky.
59
00:03:34,767 --> 00:03:37,122
- "Rocky"?
- Oh, not that again.
60
00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:39,727
I never did like being called Richard.
61
00:03:39,767 --> 00:03:45,285
I did think at one time of getting meself
rechristened but the vicar wouldn't wear it.
62
00:03:45,327 --> 00:03:47,318
Oh, I'm sorry to barge in on you like this.
63
00:03:47,367 --> 00:03:50,677
You young people
are obviously going out on the town.
64
00:03:50,727 --> 00:03:53,446
Yes. What are you doing here anyway?
65
00:03:53,487 --> 00:03:55,523
- Lionel!
- What?
66
00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:59,162
As a matter of fact,
I came up to London to see my quack.
67
00:03:59,207 --> 00:04:04,998
I'm getting married next week so I thought it
was only fair to have an... an MOT, eh?
68
00:04:05,047 --> 00:04:09,325
I just thought I'd drop in and feast my eyes
on one of the bridesmaids.
69
00:04:10,967 --> 00:04:12,366
Me.
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00:04:12,887 --> 00:04:14,798
A bridesmaid?
71
00:04:14,847 --> 00:04:17,122
Smirk and you don't get a pudding.
72
00:04:17,167 --> 00:04:20,603
- And, my boy, to ask you a favour.
- What sort of favour?
73
00:04:20,647 --> 00:04:23,684
I wonder if you'd give Madge away for me?
74
00:04:23,727 --> 00:04:29,438
Her Uncle Henry was going to do it but he's...
he's drying out somewhere in Wiltshire.
75
00:04:29,487 --> 00:04:33,719
- Not a very flattering way to be asked.
- Now don't be precious.
76
00:04:33,767 --> 00:04:37,760
I know you're a bit of a dismal jimmy
but you do hold yourself well.
77
00:04:37,807 --> 00:04:40,719
- Well, if you insist.
- There's a good man.
78
00:04:40,767 --> 00:04:42,997
Rocky, why don't you join us?
79
00:04:43,047 --> 00:04:46,756
- You get to sit next to Sandy.
- Ooh, rock on.
80
00:04:46,807 --> 00:04:51,358
Actually we had better, er, saddle up.
They like punctuality at Simpson's.
81
00:04:51,407 --> 00:04:56,686
Simpson's? That's still full of old buffers
discussing the relief of Mafeking!
82
00:04:56,727 --> 00:05:03,041
No, if I'm coming along I shall insist on dancing
half the night away with this delicious creature.
83
00:05:03,087 --> 00:05:07,285
- I shall look forward to that.
- They do a good bread and butter pudding.
84
00:05:07,327 --> 00:05:12,526
Bread and butter pudding? I'll tell you what,
why don't we boogie somewhere
85
00:05:12,567 --> 00:05:17,004
and then have a burger
at the Hard Rock Caf�, eh? Come on!
86
00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:20,562
Come on, Rocky Two.
87
00:05:23,727 --> 00:05:25,718
He's not at all like you, is he... Jimmy?
88
00:05:27,047 --> 00:05:29,277
I sometimes wonder if I was adopted.
89
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,800
Taxi!
90
00:05:43,487 --> 00:05:46,559
Much better
than going somewhere stuffy.
91
00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:51,044
- I'm sorry you have to go.
- It's high time I was toddling.
92
00:05:51,087 --> 00:05:54,762
I daresay you young things
will be going on somewhere?
93
00:05:54,807 --> 00:05:57,924
- Very probably.
- I'll say good night then, eh?
94
00:05:57,967 --> 00:05:59,719
Good night.
95
00:05:59,767 --> 00:06:02,361
Wait a minute, I've had a wonderful idea.
96
00:06:02,407 --> 00:06:03,635
Oh, God.
97
00:06:03,687 --> 00:06:06,804
You young 'uns
must come to the wedding as well.
98
00:06:06,847 --> 00:06:11,682
No, I'll brook no argument.
No, no, the more the merrier. That's fixed.
99
00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:15,158
Rock on, Jean Pargetter.
100
00:06:15,207 --> 00:06:17,437
Rock on, Rocky.
101
00:06:17,487 --> 00:06:19,318
Look, Father...
102
00:06:19,367 --> 00:06:23,406
- You're going to say something sensible.
- Yes, I am.
103
00:06:23,447 --> 00:06:26,757
There may be no trains to Hampshire
at this time of night.
104
00:06:26,807 --> 00:06:30,561
- I'm putting up at the club.
- What, the ROC?
105
00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:34,043
Oh, do move with the times. Groucho's!
106
00:06:34,087 --> 00:06:35,918
Night, all!
107
00:06:35,967 --> 00:06:37,958
Good night.
108
00:06:39,527 --> 00:06:41,722
Bye!
109
00:06:44,767 --> 00:06:48,157
- What a lovely man.
- Isn't he gorgeous.
110
00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:54,522
- You two are very quiet.
- Outclassed is the word.
111
00:06:54,567 --> 00:06:57,843
- At least the old fool cheered Sandy up.
- You all did.
112
00:06:57,887 --> 00:07:01,641
- We're on a roll. Let's go on somewhere.
- Good idea. Mum?
113
00:07:01,687 --> 00:07:05,396
- I don't think I have Rocky's stamina.
- For which I'm grateful.
114
00:07:05,447 --> 00:07:09,599
Jean and I will finish the evening
by knocking a policeman's helmet off.
115
00:07:09,647 --> 00:07:11,638
Then we'll get home by hansom cab.
116
00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:20,720
I really want to go to bed
but I'm too tired to climb the stairs.
117
00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:22,758
He gets worse, my father.
118
00:07:22,807 --> 00:07:24,798
He cheered Sandy up.
119
00:07:24,847 --> 00:07:27,077
Mm. Nice girl, Sandy.
120
00:07:27,127 --> 00:07:28,560
Yes.
121
00:07:28,607 --> 00:07:30,802
Nice knees.
122
00:07:31,847 --> 00:07:33,883
Why did you have to add that?
123
00:07:33,927 --> 00:07:38,205
I don't know. I suppose her knees
just popped into my head.
124
00:07:38,247 --> 00:07:40,681
Would you mind popping them out again?
125
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:43,116
- Probably best.
- Certainly best.
126
00:07:43,167 --> 00:07:45,920
Oh! Are you staying?
127
00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:47,366
Oh...
128
00:07:47,407 --> 00:07:50,479
- Would you mind?
- Of course I wouldn't mind.
129
00:07:51,647 --> 00:07:53,763
Judith doesn't mind, does she?
130
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,957
Why should she?
131
00:07:56,007 --> 00:08:00,603
Well... I wouldn't want her to think of us as...
132
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,444
seedy.
133
00:08:02,487 --> 00:08:08,084
- Sometimes you can be positively Dickensian.
- He was a personal friend of mine.
134
00:08:08,127 --> 00:08:11,324
- I'm looking forward to the wedding.
- I'm not.
135
00:08:11,367 --> 00:08:16,077
I can't rid myself of the feeling that I'll be
giving away one loony to another loony.
136
00:08:23,967 --> 00:08:27,846
- Monster day for it, Li.
- Yes. Monster.
137
00:08:30,847 --> 00:08:34,965
- You're being beeped, Alistair.
- He can't overtake here.
138
00:08:35,007 --> 00:08:37,043
Great horn.
139
00:08:37,087 --> 00:08:39,362
Great car!
140
00:08:40,567 --> 00:08:44,606
- It's Cowboy!
- He's beginning to get up my nose.
141
00:08:44,647 --> 00:08:47,480
- Put your foot down.
- Yes, burn some rubber.
142
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:51,486
- Mum!
- It's my father making you say things like that.
143
00:08:51,527 --> 00:08:54,803
"Burn some rubber"! Alistair, let the fool past.
144
00:08:54,847 --> 00:08:57,998
Goes against the sporting grain
but you're right.
145
00:08:58,047 --> 00:09:00,083
Come on, you pretentious nerk.
146
00:09:05,247 --> 00:09:07,522
Thank you, partner!
147
00:09:10,807 --> 00:09:13,799
- What on earth was that?
- The bride.
148
00:09:22,447 --> 00:09:24,756
- Penny for them.
- Oh.
149
00:09:24,807 --> 00:09:27,082
- I was thinking about Nick.
- Nick?
150
00:09:27,127 --> 00:09:29,925
My boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend.
151
00:09:29,967 --> 00:09:33,118
He phoned last night. He wanted to talk.
152
00:09:33,167 --> 00:09:35,397
- And did you?
- No.
153
00:09:35,447 --> 00:09:38,439
- I was ironing.
- You could have stopped.
154
00:09:38,487 --> 00:09:41,206
I think we've done all the talking.
155
00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:46,957
- You're far too young to say that.
- Perhaps you're right. Look at your dad.
156
00:09:47,007 --> 00:09:48,998
I'd sooner not.
157
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:53,006
- You look very nice.
- Thank you. So do you.
158
00:09:53,047 --> 00:09:55,003
I feel like something in a shop window.
159
00:09:55,047 --> 00:09:56,799
This is all wrong, isn't it?
160
00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:59,156
No, it isn't. You look great.
161
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:01,198
I look like a Michelin Man.
162
00:10:01,247 --> 00:10:03,442
- You don't.
- It's so young!
163
00:10:03,487 --> 00:10:05,478
It isn't. Lionel?
164
00:10:05,527 --> 00:10:07,563
- What?
- Well, what do you think?
165
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:11,395
She's in one of her panicky moods.
You look wonderful.
166
00:10:11,447 --> 00:10:13,677
I'm not in one of my panicky moods.
167
00:10:13,727 --> 00:10:16,195
I'm just a bit nervous, that's all.
168
00:10:16,247 --> 00:10:20,525
I thought I'd reached an age
where I didn't have to be a bridesmaid.
169
00:10:20,567 --> 00:10:25,595
With what'll be trundling up the aisle
ahead of you you'll look a positive stripling.
170
00:10:25,647 --> 00:10:28,002
You're determined to spoil today, aren't you?
171
00:10:28,047 --> 00:10:32,006
- Nothing of the sort.
- Well, brighten up. Think of Sandy's knees.
172
00:10:32,047 --> 00:10:36,086
- Is this something I should know?
- It's an ageing fantasy he has.
173
00:10:36,127 --> 00:10:38,561
- Oh?
- I'm not ageing.
174
00:10:38,607 --> 00:10:43,158
Everyone is. Except me. This is ridiculous.
I feel like a mushroom.
175
00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:48,486
Absolute piffle. As a matter of fact
I think you look like a young Lana Turner.
176
00:10:48,527 --> 00:10:51,997
- Oh!
- Look at you. Don't you look distinguished?
177
00:10:52,047 --> 00:10:54,038
Do you think so? Good.
178
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:57,079
I did think of wearing crepes and drapes...
179
00:10:57,127 --> 00:11:00,358
- then I got talked out of it.
- What did Lionel say?
180
00:11:00,407 --> 00:11:03,046
I said he'd look like a very old teddy boy.
181
00:11:03,087 --> 00:11:06,636
- That was the idea.
- Harvey Wallbangers.
182
00:11:06,687 --> 00:11:10,475
Ooh!
Well done! A snifter before the off.
183
00:11:10,527 --> 00:11:12,722
Ooh, just the job.
184
00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:16,396
There are gale-force winds
in Ross and Cromarty.
185
00:11:16,447 --> 00:11:20,042
- A hobby of hers.
- You should be collecting the bride.
186
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:24,282
- Yes, I suppose so.
- And a smile wouldn't come amiss.
187
00:11:24,327 --> 00:11:26,318
That's rich coming from you.
188
00:11:27,407 --> 00:11:30,604
- I shall be smiling as we walk up the aisle.
- "We"?
189
00:11:30,647 --> 00:11:32,956
Mrs Bale's the other bridesmaid.
190
00:11:33,007 --> 00:11:35,680
Oh. How nice.
191
00:11:35,727 --> 00:11:39,959
- That's exactly what I said.
- What a shame the circus isn't in town,
192
00:11:40,007 --> 00:11:41,998
they could round things off.
193
00:11:43,047 --> 00:11:47,723
- Sorry about Lionel.
- Yes, I'm sorry about Lionel sometimes.
194
00:11:47,767 --> 00:11:51,521
I'd better make sure
that Judith and Alistair are dressed.
195
00:11:51,567 --> 00:11:53,922
Oh, I should have said "dressed up".
196
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:05,317
Jean Pargetter, you don't think
I'm just a silly old twerp, do you?
197
00:12:05,367 --> 00:12:07,801
- Of course not!
- Lionel does.
198
00:12:07,847 --> 00:12:10,122
That makes him the silly old twerp.
199
00:12:10,167 --> 00:12:12,476
I do wish you two were married.
200
00:12:12,527 --> 00:12:14,518
Well, it's a bit late now.
201
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,722
Oh, I've said it to the wrong person.
202
00:12:17,767 --> 00:12:20,235
Are you even shacked up together yet?
203
00:12:20,287 --> 00:12:22,755
No, not really. He stays sometimes...
204
00:12:22,807 --> 00:12:25,605
Yes, but it's all a bit meander-y, isn't it?
205
00:12:25,647 --> 00:12:29,117
Well, we don't feel much
like a raging torrent these days.
206
00:12:29,967 --> 00:12:32,037
Bad news, I'm afraid.
207
00:12:32,087 --> 00:12:35,238
Mr Fishwick has broken his tibia.
208
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:38,677
Damn and blast the man!
How did he manage that?
209
00:12:38,727 --> 00:12:41,446
He fell off his exercise bicycle.
210
00:12:42,327 --> 00:12:45,524
- Who's Mr Fishwick?
- The best man!
211
00:12:48,847 --> 00:12:52,806
Shan't be a mo. Have a bash at the drums
if the mood takes you.
212
00:12:53,847 --> 00:12:55,838
I don't think it will somehow.
213
00:12:55,887 --> 00:12:59,004
- It's terribly therapeutic!
- I'm sure it is.
214
00:12:59,047 --> 00:13:01,607
Oh, I just had to loosen my blue garter.
215
00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:05,117
The wretched thing
was cutting off the circulation in my leg.
216
00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:07,158
How do I look?
217
00:13:08,767 --> 00:13:11,076
You won't be wearing the hat, will you?
218
00:13:11,127 --> 00:13:13,846
I suppose not. I was tempted.
219
00:13:13,887 --> 00:13:16,879
- It belonged to Johnny Cash, you know.
- Really?
220
00:13:16,927 --> 00:13:18,758
You know, A Boy Named Sue?
221
00:13:19,447 --> 00:13:21,517
Sorry?
222
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:23,762
The song.
223
00:13:23,807 --> 00:13:26,958
- Oh.
- I've got some of his chewing tobacco too.
224
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:30,886
That's the bridesmaids. Let them in, will you?
225
00:13:30,927 --> 00:13:32,326
Right.
226
00:13:34,927 --> 00:13:37,395
You don't chew tobacco, do you?
227
00:13:38,127 --> 00:13:41,881
Of course not. What a strange question.
228
00:13:42,967 --> 00:13:45,242
Aha... Sorry, Johnny.
229
00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:53,516
Madge, you haven't met your other bridesmaid.
Er, Madge, Jean.
230
00:13:53,567 --> 00:13:55,364
Hello!
231
00:13:55,407 --> 00:13:58,877
Well, you'll certainly
bring the average age down.
232
00:13:58,927 --> 00:14:01,077
Oh, I like her, dear, I really do.
233
00:14:01,127 --> 00:14:03,118
This isn't right, is it?
234
00:14:03,167 --> 00:14:05,806
Erm... Well, let me help.
235
00:14:05,847 --> 00:14:07,075
Thanks.
236
00:14:07,127 --> 00:14:11,120
- You know Mrs Bale.
- Of course. How's the Channel today?
237
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:13,442
- Choppy.
- Dear, dear.
238
00:14:13,487 --> 00:14:15,842
- May I introduce Alistair Deacon.
- Hi.
239
00:14:15,887 --> 00:14:18,447
Aren't you pretty?
240
00:14:18,487 --> 00:14:20,717
I'm supposed to say that.
241
00:14:20,767 --> 00:14:24,601
- Do you play the saxophone?
- Er, no, I'm afraid not. Why?
242
00:14:24,647 --> 00:14:26,922
You just looked as though you might.
243
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:30,118
Alistair, aren't you at the wrong end of things?
244
00:14:30,167 --> 00:14:33,125
Normally I would be, Li, but we're onto plan B.
245
00:14:33,167 --> 00:14:36,876
Yes, Mr Fishwick fell of his bike
and fractured his tibia.
246
00:14:36,927 --> 00:14:39,441
- But he's the best man.
- Well, was.
247
00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:43,560
Hence, plan B. Your father wants you
to step into the breach.
248
00:14:43,607 --> 00:14:46,883
- Isn't that wonderful?
- Wonderful. What about Madge?
249
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:49,999
Oh, I don't mind.
No, I mean who gives you away?
250
00:14:50,047 --> 00:14:52,117
- Ah.
- Alistair.
251
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:56,361
I'd be honoured if you've no objections.
252
00:14:56,407 --> 00:15:00,958
Good Lord, no. Good for the image,
being given away by a bit of a hunk.
253
00:15:01,007 --> 00:15:02,804
Monster!
254
00:15:10,727 --> 00:15:15,084
I bet I cry. They always get to me, weddings.
How about you?
255
00:15:15,127 --> 00:15:18,278
- I've tried it twice, remember?
- Sorry.
256
00:15:18,327 --> 00:15:21,319
What about Nick? You planning to get married?
257
00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:24,643
- We've just split up, remember?
- Sorry.
258
00:15:24,687 --> 00:15:27,599
What a ridiculous conversation.
259
00:15:27,647 --> 00:15:31,037
Old Rocky and Madge
aren't setting the best example.
260
00:15:31,087 --> 00:15:34,523
Making the rest of us
feel too young to get married.
261
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,286
We'd better go in. You stocked up with tissues?
262
00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:39,318
Got half a box in here.
263
00:15:48,327 --> 00:15:50,238
Say again?
264
00:15:50,287 --> 00:15:53,962
The parrot says, "No, I got overexcited
and fell off my perch."
265
00:15:54,007 --> 00:15:56,316
- That's the punch line?
- Yes.
266
00:15:56,367 --> 00:15:59,962
- The parrot couldn't hold on...
- I understand the joke,
267
00:16:00,007 --> 00:16:03,443
- I just don't think it's funny.
- I don't know any more.
268
00:16:03,487 --> 00:16:05,603
- You must know some.
- Thousands.
269
00:16:05,647 --> 00:16:08,036
But I don't think you could tell them.
270
00:16:08,087 --> 00:16:10,806
I'll just do my speech without a joke, then.
271
00:16:10,847 --> 00:16:13,919
A wise move on the whole.
Have you got the ring?
272
00:16:13,967 --> 00:16:17,721
Yes, I'm remarkably proficient
at the non-joke stuff.
273
00:16:17,767 --> 00:16:19,758
Ah. Over the top, then.
274
00:16:19,807 --> 00:16:21,286
Right.
275
00:16:22,647 --> 00:16:25,923
- You're sure about the parrot joke?
- Positive.
276
00:16:36,927 --> 00:16:39,441
- Nothing's happened yet.
- I know.
277
00:16:59,967 --> 00:17:02,800
I haven't seen so many funny hats for ages.
278
00:17:03,527 --> 00:17:06,485
Just remember, you wanted to wear a Stetson.
279
00:17:07,487 --> 00:17:10,718
...left, forwards right,
280
00:17:10,767 --> 00:17:12,758
forwards left...
281
00:17:12,807 --> 00:17:15,799
Will you stop doing that? You're putting me off.
282
00:17:24,447 --> 00:17:27,325
My God, Madge, you're a cracker.
283
00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:29,358
So are you.
284
00:17:30,127 --> 00:17:33,437
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
285
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:37,526
in the sight of God
and in the face of this congregation
286
00:17:37,567 --> 00:17:41,082
to join together this man and this woman
287
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:43,118
in holy matrimony.
288
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:47,319
Therefore if any man can show any just cause
289
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,643
why they may not lawfully be joined together,
290
00:17:50,687 --> 00:17:55,158
let him speak now or forever hold his peace.
291
00:17:57,047 --> 00:18:01,279
Wilt thou love her, comfort her,
honour and keep her
292
00:18:01,327 --> 00:18:05,878
in sickness and in health, and forsaking all other
293
00:18:05,927 --> 00:18:10,682
keep thee only unto her
so long as ye both shall live?
294
00:18:11,287 --> 00:18:12,845
Rock on!
295
00:18:15,287 --> 00:18:18,040
Er, sorry... I will.
296
00:18:19,967 --> 00:18:22,800
Madge Evita Darblay,
297
00:18:22,847 --> 00:18:26,203
wilt thou have this man
to be thy wedded husband,
298
00:18:26,247 --> 00:18:29,000
to live together after God's...
299
00:18:30,487 --> 00:18:34,196
...and is declared the same
by the giving and receiving of a ring
300
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:36,317
and by the joining of hands.
301
00:18:36,367 --> 00:18:40,360
I pronounce that they be man and wife together
302
00:18:40,407 --> 00:18:42,523
in the name of the Father
303
00:18:42,567 --> 00:18:46,082
and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost.
304
00:18:46,127 --> 00:18:48,595
- Amen.
- Amen.
305
00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:18,404
...and the parrot says,
"No, I got so excited I fell off my perch."
306
00:19:20,007 --> 00:19:21,520
Yes.
307
00:19:21,567 --> 00:19:23,558
That's it.
308
00:19:23,607 --> 00:19:26,644
- Sorry?
- I rejigged the wording as well.
309
00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:30,362
A joke like that doesn't need rejigging,
it needs burying.
310
00:19:30,407 --> 00:19:33,956
- My father said the same thing.
- Well, don't tell any jokes,
311
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,645
just say what you feel.
312
00:19:35,687 --> 00:19:37,245
No, no, I'll rejig that.
313
00:19:37,287 --> 00:19:42,441
- Don't say what you feel, say... Well, say...
- Would you like to make the speech?
314
00:19:42,487 --> 00:19:46,162
- I thought it was beautiful.
- I thought it was a farce.
315
00:19:46,207 --> 00:19:49,802
There's Madge being given away
by someone she's only just met.
316
00:19:49,847 --> 00:19:53,760
I'm only the best man
because the original one fell off his bike.
317
00:19:53,807 --> 00:19:56,401
- A deranged bridesmaid...
- Sorry?
318
00:19:56,447 --> 00:19:58,438
No, not you, Mrs Bale.
319
00:19:58,487 --> 00:20:01,206
She's not deranged. She's just a bit odd.
320
00:20:01,247 --> 00:20:03,283
It was all a bit odd.
321
00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:06,437
"As long as you both shall live"?
322
00:20:06,487 --> 00:20:09,957
One of 'em could be back
for the funeral in a month.
323
00:20:10,007 --> 00:20:13,716
They're young in their hearts -
they're young lovers.
324
00:20:13,767 --> 00:20:19,319
- Well, so am I, in my heart.
- Oh, yes? Who's the girl, Hedy Lamarr?
325
00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:20,516
You.
326
00:20:21,607 --> 00:20:26,806
Every time I'm with you it all comes back -
us, all those years ago. But look at us now.
327
00:20:26,847 --> 00:20:31,159
- I'd sooner not be included in that remark.
- I'm just being realistic.
328
00:20:31,207 --> 00:20:33,960
- No, you're being depressive.
- Realistic.
329
00:20:34,007 --> 00:20:37,044
At their age, where do they think they're going?
330
00:20:37,087 --> 00:20:41,399
I don't know but somewhere.
Which is more than can be said for us.
331
00:20:42,287 --> 00:20:44,278
Mum. Mum?
332
00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:48,684
- You've got a face like thunder.
- Mrs Bale's the weather expert.
333
00:20:48,727 --> 00:20:52,276
- Have you and Lionel had another row?
- "Another"?
334
00:20:52,327 --> 00:20:54,921
- You've been at it all day.
- It's his fault.
335
00:20:54,967 --> 00:20:57,879
- Of course it is. Why?
- He's such a misery guts.
336
00:20:57,927 --> 00:21:01,044
He's jealous of his own father.
Can you believe that?
337
00:21:01,087 --> 00:21:04,284
Yes, I can. I'm jealous of you sometimes.
338
00:21:05,087 --> 00:21:08,841
- What on earth for?
- Because you've got your life together.
339
00:21:08,887 --> 00:21:11,845
You're in control, you know where you're going.
340
00:21:11,887 --> 00:21:15,880
You've heard of a hollow laugh?
If I knew how to do it, I'd do it.
341
00:21:18,087 --> 00:21:20,078
Thanks, Mrs Bale.
342
00:21:20,727 --> 00:21:23,799
Lionel Hardcastle, sorry to keep you.
343
00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:26,156
Oh, Dr Field. Don't you want my father?
344
00:21:27,767 --> 00:21:29,758
Oh. Well, fine.
345
00:21:35,167 --> 00:21:37,158
I see.
346
00:21:38,687 --> 00:21:40,678
Go on.
347
00:21:40,727 --> 00:21:45,243
The last telegram, or telemessage,
as they now insist on calling them,
348
00:21:45,287 --> 00:21:49,439
comes from somebody calling himself...
Cannonball Perkins.
349
00:21:51,367 --> 00:21:53,358
It reads...
350
00:21:54,447 --> 00:21:56,597
"Groove, kids, groove."
351
00:21:57,367 --> 00:21:59,358
Good old Cannonball!
352
00:22:00,807 --> 00:22:04,959
At this point I was going to tell a joke
about a parrot with no feet
353
00:22:05,007 --> 00:22:07,362
but I've been... put off the idea.
354
00:22:08,047 --> 00:22:13,917
Instead, it's time I said a word or two
about the bride and groom.
355
00:22:15,887 --> 00:22:18,560
To some, who may not know Rocky and Madge,
356
00:22:18,607 --> 00:22:21,838
today may have a slightly bizarre tinge.
357
00:22:23,207 --> 00:22:25,243
Let's be honest, it has.
358
00:22:26,247 --> 00:22:29,398
But to those of us who do know them...
359
00:22:30,447 --> 00:22:32,438
it's really rather fine.
360
00:22:33,327 --> 00:22:34,726
Erm...
361
00:22:34,767 --> 00:22:38,965
At an age when they
certainly couldn't have got life insurance
362
00:22:39,007 --> 00:22:42,636
they have invested in each other instead.
363
00:22:42,687 --> 00:22:46,999
It takes courage, it takes hope...
364
00:22:47,047 --> 00:22:49,038
...and it takes love
365
00:22:50,007 --> 00:22:53,966
These... they have in abundance.
366
00:22:54,967 --> 00:22:58,243
Please, raise your glasses to Rocky and Madge.
367
00:22:59,767 --> 00:23:01,519
Rocky and Madge!
368
00:23:02,327 --> 00:23:04,124
Rocky and Madge.
369
00:23:14,447 --> 00:23:16,483
I always suspected it, you know.
370
00:23:16,527 --> 00:23:19,724
Underneath it all, old Li's just an old softpot.
371
00:23:19,767 --> 00:23:22,565
I wouldn't like to try to prove it in court.
372
00:23:22,607 --> 00:23:25,326
- Mum, you heard his speech.
- I did.
373
00:23:25,367 --> 00:23:27,437
- And?
- I couldn't believe it.
374
00:23:27,487 --> 00:23:30,365
Which proves my point. Li is an old softpot.
375
00:23:30,407 --> 00:23:32,477
- Or a very good liar.
- Oh, Mum...
376
00:23:32,527 --> 00:23:36,122
He's been behaving like
the ghost at the wedding feast.
377
00:23:36,167 --> 00:23:39,318
- Now he turns into the good fairy. Why?
- Ask him.
378
00:23:39,367 --> 00:23:42,325
I shall when I get the chance. Here they come.
379
00:23:47,687 --> 00:23:51,600
I'll say goodbye now, me boy,
and... thanks for the words.
380
00:23:51,647 --> 00:23:55,117
- Damned eloquent at the end of the day.
- I'll look after him, you know.
381
00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:57,556
- At breakneck pace?
- The only way to go.
382
00:23:57,607 --> 00:24:00,440
I was afraid of that. Good luck, Madge.
383
00:24:02,687 --> 00:24:05,155
Cheerio, Father. Take care...
384
00:24:06,207 --> 00:24:09,517
- Have a good time.
- We shall, we shall.
385
00:24:09,567 --> 00:24:12,320
Next week we'll be at the home of the king.
386
00:24:12,367 --> 00:24:13,959
King?
387
00:24:14,007 --> 00:24:16,043
King Elvis, of course!
388
00:24:16,087 --> 00:24:18,396
Goodbye, me boy. Bye!
389
00:24:18,447 --> 00:24:20,483
Bye!
390
00:24:39,527 --> 00:24:41,677
Yee-ha!
391
00:24:46,927 --> 00:24:52,047
Oh! You've just missed
Mrs Bale doing the lambada with Alistair.
392
00:24:52,087 --> 00:24:54,123
It'll all be on a video.
393
00:24:54,167 --> 00:24:58,479
Including the Lone Ranger and Tonto
riding off into the sunset.
394
00:24:58,527 --> 00:25:00,518
It was a beautiful speech.
395
00:25:01,247 --> 00:25:04,045
- Even without a parrot joke?
- Particularly.
396
00:25:04,087 --> 00:25:08,080
Now call me suspicious but you can't
have had a change of heart that quickly.
397
00:25:10,807 --> 00:25:13,799
I had a phone call from father's doctor today.
398
00:25:13,847 --> 00:25:17,283
The old fool will be lucky
if he lasts another year.
399
00:25:19,167 --> 00:25:21,158
Oh, I'm sorry.
400
00:25:21,207 --> 00:25:24,324
- Did you tell him?
- Hardly an opportune moment.
401
00:25:24,367 --> 00:25:26,164
- Will you tell him?
- No.
402
00:25:27,887 --> 00:25:34,076
What do they say? One crowded hour
of glorious life is worth an age without a name?
403
00:25:35,647 --> 00:25:37,638
That's the way they see it.
404
00:25:37,687 --> 00:25:40,838
Let them have their crowded hour.
Every minute of it.
405
00:25:46,887 --> 00:25:49,082
We should be going soon.
406
00:25:49,127 --> 00:25:50,640
Yes.
407
00:25:50,687 --> 00:25:54,236
I'd hate you to get trapped in the lambada
with Mrs Bale.
408
00:25:59,847 --> 00:26:02,759
- Alistair, slow down.
- I'm only doing 30.
409
00:26:02,807 --> 00:26:05,321
- No, I saw something on the tree.
- So did I.
410
00:26:05,367 --> 00:26:07,562
Look, there's another one.
411
00:26:09,727 --> 00:26:11,957
- Oh, my.
- What?
412
00:26:12,007 --> 00:26:13,918
Go on, Alistair, slowly.
413
00:26:31,287 --> 00:26:34,324
Now, that has style. I like it.
414
00:26:34,367 --> 00:26:36,039
So do I.
415
00:26:36,087 --> 00:26:38,396
- It's Nick.
- Ahh.
416
00:26:42,807 --> 00:26:45,526
Go on, Sandy.
417
00:27:16,367 --> 00:27:18,483
What a lovely way to apologise.
418
00:27:18,527 --> 00:27:20,518
I can't ride a motorbike.
419
00:27:20,567 --> 00:27:22,797
You've got nothing to apologise for.
420
00:27:29,927 --> 00:27:32,077
You did very well today.
421
00:27:32,127 --> 00:27:35,642
It's made me think,
this going somewhere business.
422
00:27:35,687 --> 00:27:37,678
I think it's time we did.
423
00:27:38,727 --> 00:27:40,240
Oh?
424
00:27:40,287 --> 00:27:43,563
I think we should make a start
and live together.
425
00:27:47,127 --> 00:27:48,924
I see.
426
00:27:53,807 --> 00:27:56,605
- Bad time?
- No.
427
00:27:56,647 --> 00:27:58,717
Rather a good time, actually.
428
00:28:06,407 --> 00:28:09,126
# You must remember this
429
00:28:09,167 --> 00:28:11,727
# A kiss is still a kiss
430
00:28:11,767 --> 00:28:15,157
# A sigh is just a sigh
431
00:28:17,127 --> 00:28:20,881
# The fundamental things apply
432
00:28:20,927 --> 00:28:24,681
# As time goes by
433
00:28:27,927 --> 00:28:30,680
# And when two lovers woo
434
00:28:30,727 --> 00:28:33,480
# They still say I love you
435
00:28:33,527 --> 00:28:36,439
# On that you can rely
436
00:28:39,047 --> 00:28:43,404
# The world will always welcome lovers
437
00:28:44,687 --> 00:28:52,640
# As time goes by #
438
00:28:53,640 --> 00:29:03,640
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