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1
00:00:01,974 --> 00:00:04,383
C'mon Cyril,
beat it, get outta here.
2
00:00:04,385 --> 00:00:07,067
This meeting's
for field agents only.
3
00:00:07,069 --> 00:00:09,031
Which brings me to item one.
4
00:00:09,033 --> 00:00:13,421
We don't have enough field agents to
effectively run our covert operations.
5
00:00:13,423 --> 00:00:16,612
Especially since this one went
and got himself paralyzed.
6
00:00:16,614 --> 00:00:18,642
Yeah that's me, Mr. Selfish.
7
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:19,742
More like Ms.
8
00:00:19,744 --> 00:00:23,809
Anyway, effective immediately, I'm
promoting Cyril to field agent.
9
00:00:23,811 --> 00:00:24,340
What?!
10
00:00:24,342 --> 00:00:24,908
Do what?!
11
00:00:24,910 --> 00:00:26,539
Hey, that sounds
great, best of luck.
12
00:00:26,541 --> 00:00:28,236
Where do you
think you're going?
13
00:00:28,238 --> 00:00:30,702
Oh, sorry, I gotta get back
to Earth before the Stargate closes.
14
00:00:30,704 --> 00:00:31,700
Get back in here!
15
00:00:31,702 --> 00:00:33,932
Mother the
chevrons are locking!
16
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:38,565
And Cyril is utterly, laughably
unqualified to be a field agent!
17
00:00:38,567 --> 00:00:39,464
Some offense.
18
00:00:39,466 --> 00:00:40,397
Some taken.
19
00:00:40,399 --> 00:00:42,962
Well, none of you were
qualified when you first started.
20
00:00:42,964 --> 00:00:46,661
And you've already given Cyril some training...
Which ended with a dead
21
00:00:46,663 --> 00:00:47,894
hooker in my trunk!
22
00:00:47,896 --> 00:00:48,793
No it didn't!
23
00:00:48,795 --> 00:00:49,926
It easily could have!
24
00:00:49,928 --> 00:00:53,291
Malory, you can't just --
End! Of discussion.
25
00:00:53,293 --> 00:00:56,657
And since this meeting is
for field agents only...
26
00:00:56,659 --> 00:00:58,856
You're taking
me out of the field?!
27
00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:01,989
Well, unless we need someone
to go undercover as a shopping cart.
28
00:01:01,991 --> 00:01:05,423
[annoyed sigh]
29
00:01:05,425 --> 00:01:09,824
This is Roma�n Calzado, the
notorious Colombian drug lord.
30
00:01:09,826 --> 00:01:13,358
And hopefully an infusion
of much-needed capital.
31
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,159
Since when are we bounty hunters?
32
00:01:15,161 --> 00:01:17,994
Since the DEA's budget
was gutted by all those federal
33
00:01:17,996 --> 00:01:19,194
spending cutbacks.
34
00:01:19,196 --> 00:01:21,795
Which is ridiculous,
given the current economy.
35
00:01:21,797 --> 00:01:24,529
The most efficient way to
decrease the budget deficit is
36
00:01:24,531 --> 00:01:28,897
to increase tax revenue, through, um...
Cyril don't make me
37
00:01:28,899 --> 00:01:30,363
regret this decision.
38
00:01:30,365 --> 00:01:30,963
Sorry.
39
00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:33,064
And if you were in my
tax bracket you wouldn't be
40
00:01:33,066 --> 00:01:35,097
spouting that socialist propaganda.
41
00:01:35,099 --> 00:01:36,798
Or wearing such shitty clothes.
44
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,633
The reward is a million dollars!
45
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:45,169
Exactly, and how many drug users
could be treated with that money?
46
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:46,169
Who cares?!
47
00:01:46,171 --> 00:01:47,103
Seriously?!
48
00:01:47,105 --> 00:01:50,004
Lana, they'd just go buy a
million dollars worth of crack with it.
49
00:01:50,006 --> 00:01:52,173
You don't give them the money.
50
00:01:52,175 --> 00:01:53,640
You can't, they'll
blow it on crack.
51
00:01:53,642 --> 00:01:56,741
Oh my God.
No they won't, because it'll in the ISIS bank
52
00:01:56,743 --> 00:01:57,275
account.
53
00:01:57,277 --> 00:02:00,543
Because you're going to get
Calzado, dead or alive.
54
00:02:00,545 --> 00:02:04,380
And Cyril, dress appropriately, you'll
be helicoptering into the jungle.
55
00:02:04,382 --> 00:02:08,849
Coool...
Oh, and this whole thing reminds me...
56
00:02:08,851 --> 00:02:14,319
Pam? Nine AM Friday morning, all ISIS
employees will take a drug test.
57
00:02:14,321 --> 00:02:17,756
Nkay.
58
00:02:17,758 --> 00:02:22,392
And knock off
that damn beatboxing!
59
00:02:22,394 --> 00:02:23,459
Ugh.
60
00:02:23,461 --> 00:02:26,089
Last week it was freestyling.
61
00:03:00,661 --> 00:03:02,228
Yes, this LZ!
62
00:03:02,230 --> 00:03:03,262
You dumbass!
63
00:03:03,264 --> 00:03:05,131
Where we are right now!
64
00:03:05,133 --> 00:03:06,966
In twenty four hours!
65
00:03:06,968 --> 00:03:10,971
And you better be here!
66
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:11,471
What a dick.
67
00:03:11,473 --> 00:03:14,342
Well he's probably
just under a lot of stress.
68
00:03:14,344 --> 00:03:18,246
Since he's our only way out
of th stupid jungle! Dumbass!
69
00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:21,048
Seriously...
Thanks, ghost of Teddy Roosevelt.
70
00:03:21,050 --> 00:03:23,250
Ms. Archer said dress for the tropics!
71
00:03:23,252 --> 00:03:25,619
Tropics or Busch Gardens?
72
00:03:25,621 --> 00:03:26,720
Hey, ya know what?!
73
00:03:26,722 --> 00:03:27,488
Yes.
74
00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:28,455
Heckle?
75
00:03:28,457 --> 00:03:28,856
Jeckle?
76
00:03:28,858 --> 00:03:30,957
Between us and Calzado's fortified
compound there's about
77
00:03:30,959 --> 00:03:34,761
ten clicks of jungle that I just assume
is one giant booby-trap showroom.
78
00:03:34,763 --> 00:03:38,831
So shut your dickholes, get your gear,
shut up again, and start walking.
79
00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:42,368
Any questions?
80
00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:43,970
Cyril.
81
00:03:43,972 --> 00:03:45,605
What's a click.
82
00:03:45,607 --> 00:03:47,473
Yeah you say that all
the time and I never know what
83
00:03:47,475 --> 00:03:48,441
you're talking about.
84
00:03:48,443 --> 00:03:50,676
I'm assuming it's a sound of some sort?
85
00:03:50,678 --> 00:03:51,877
Nuh-uhh!
86
00:03:51,879 --> 00:03:54,580
Swear to God, first thing Friday
morning we all gotta pee in a cup -
87
00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:58,551
Which I can't even do...
y'all Cleaning out my freezer
88
00:03:58,553 --> 00:04:00,819
last week, found a big bag of skank.
89
00:04:00,821 --> 00:04:03,956
I guess I brought it back from Jamaica, but --
But it's
90
00:04:03,958 --> 00:04:05,258
just a pot test, right?!
91
00:04:05,260 --> 00:04:06,326
No, stupid.
92
00:04:06,328 --> 00:04:07,427
All drugs.
93
00:04:07,429 --> 00:04:09,295
Oh shit.
94
00:04:09,297 --> 00:04:10,430
I call 'em grooving bears.
95
00:04:10,432 --> 00:04:11,798
How bout you, Ironsides?
96
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:12,899
You rollin dirty?
97
00:04:12,901 --> 00:04:18,204
Umm... Possibly.
98
00:04:18,206 --> 00:04:19,806
Well then we're all screwed.
99
00:04:19,808 --> 00:04:21,775
Talking about
the drug test, huh?
100
00:04:21,777 --> 00:04:22,342
Duh.
101
00:04:22,344 --> 00:04:26,046
Well -- What if I told
you I had a way to beat any drug
102
00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:27,915
test in the world.
103
00:04:27,917 --> 00:04:30,284
Are you telling us that?
104
00:04:30,286 --> 00:04:30,985
Yes.
105
00:04:30,987 --> 00:04:31,819
Well?
106
00:04:31,821 --> 00:04:32,386
What is it?!
107
00:04:32,388 --> 00:04:33,954
I call it... Krieger-Kleanse.
108
00:04:33,956 --> 00:04:36,923
It's an herbal tea, all-natural,
and it's guaranteed to rid your
109
00:04:36,925 --> 00:04:40,093
body of all traces of
any illicit substance.
110
00:04:40,095 --> 00:04:42,162
Well here, gimme gimme give it!
111
00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:42,762
Ah ah ahh!
112
00:04:42,764 --> 00:04:47,401
I literal - figuratively scoured the
globe for these special herbs,
113
00:04:47,403 --> 00:04:49,537
at no small expense to myself.
114
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,339
Ugh. How much.
115
00:04:51,341 --> 00:04:52,373
Hundred bucks each.
116
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,008
[ Complaining ]
117
00:04:54,010 --> 00:04:56,378
Or you can save your
money, and try your luck in the
118
00:04:56,380 --> 00:05:00,281
current job market.
119
00:05:00,283 --> 00:05:02,183
Non-sequential bills, please.
120
00:05:02,185 --> 00:05:04,318
Well then why
not just say kilometer?
121
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:05,686
Because shut up.
122
00:05:05,688 --> 00:05:07,788
Jungle ziiing...
So it says here that
123
00:05:07,790 --> 00:05:10,657
Calzado isn't even the head of the
whole operation... Cyril.
124
00:05:10,659 --> 00:05:13,960
He's actually just a distributor
for somebody named La Sombra.
125
00:05:13,962 --> 00:05:15,962
The Shade?
126
00:05:15,964 --> 00:05:16,963
Cyril.
127
00:05:16,965 --> 00:05:19,165
No, I bet in this
context, The Shadow.
128
00:05:19,167 --> 00:05:20,266
Cyril.
129
00:05:20,268 --> 00:05:20,800
Oof.
130
00:05:20,802 --> 00:05:21,734
Hey, what's your problem?
131
00:05:21,736 --> 00:05:23,970
My problem is I don't
want a thousand of steel balls
132
00:05:23,972 --> 00:05:25,138
to shred my genitals.
133
00:05:25,140 --> 00:05:25,739
Huh?
134
00:05:25,741 --> 00:05:26,473
Claymore mine.
135
00:05:26,475 --> 00:05:30,110
Full of steel balls that fly a
thousand meters - or one click -
136
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,046
a second, right at dick level.
137
00:05:32,048 --> 00:05:35,550
Jeezy petes...
Or ass level, which in your case would also
138
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:36,585
take off your head.
139
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:38,954
So quit reading and pay attention.
140
00:05:38,956 --> 00:05:41,957
But there's a lot of useful
stuff in here, organizational charts,
141
00:05:41,959 --> 00:05:45,326
inventory and cash-flow analyses...
spreadsheets?
142
00:05:45,328 --> 00:05:48,029
Of what, possible
outcomes with a twenty-sided die?
143
00:05:48,031 --> 00:05:49,997
Well you don't need
a spreadsheet for that...
144
00:05:49,999 --> 00:05:51,999
Yeah and you don't need
one to know you're gonna suck at
145
00:05:52,001 --> 00:05:53,300
being a field agent Cyril.
146
00:05:53,302 --> 00:05:54,868
So why do you wanna be one?
147
00:05:54,870 --> 00:05:59,306
I dunno, I just wanna feel
like I'm a part of the team, ya know?
148
00:05:59,308 --> 00:06:01,942
I guess I wanna...
feel like I matter more.
149
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:05,378
Wow, not afraid to dump out
your purse in the jungle, huh?
150
00:06:05,380 --> 00:06:07,280
Okay Cyril, then lesson One-A.
151
00:06:07,282 --> 00:06:11,318
In a potentially hostile environment,
like this, the key is total situational
152
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:12,485
awareness.
153
00:06:12,487 --> 00:06:14,921
Okay...
You look, you listen, you smell.
154
00:06:14,923 --> 00:06:16,656
And you remember to check your six.
155
00:06:16,658 --> 00:06:17,723
My six what.
156
00:06:17,725 --> 00:06:18,858
Is that my gun?
157
00:06:18,860 --> 00:06:19,859
The old six shooter.
158
00:06:19,861 --> 00:06:22,762
Oh my God, a clock
Cyril, It means behind you.
159
00:06:22,764 --> 00:06:25,899
Because the last thing you want
is -- Uh Lana, hold up a sec?
160
00:06:25,901 --> 00:06:29,502
Archer we don't have a -- Cyril?
161
00:06:29,504 --> 00:06:31,104
Yeah, that's
why I said hold up.
162
00:06:31,106 --> 00:06:31,604
Archer!
163
00:06:31,606 --> 00:06:34,540
Don't yell at me, I looked away
for literally literally one second!
164
00:06:34,542 --> 00:06:35,941
Well where the hell did he go?!
165
00:06:35,943 --> 00:06:43,182
I dunno, it's like... he just...
You're looking for
166
00:06:43,184 --> 00:06:45,686
Predator, aren't you?
167
00:06:45,688 --> 00:06:46,853
Yes.
168
00:06:46,855 --> 00:06:47,654
Couple things.
169
00:06:47,656 --> 00:06:51,191
A, he's invisible --
Not totally, he has a telltale shimmer.
170
00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:51,725
Ow!
171
00:06:51,727 --> 00:06:53,894
And B, lower your frickin voice.
172
00:06:53,896 --> 00:06:54,628
MAN: ��Oye!!
173
00:06:54,630 --> 00:06:56,063
Manos arriba!
174
00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:56,864
Is that Cyril?
175
00:06:56,866 --> 00:06:57,765
MAN: �Quien es?!
176
00:06:57,767 --> 00:07:00,268
No, it's not whimpery enough.
177
00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:03,071
Cyril! Cyril!
178
00:07:03,073 --> 00:07:03,938
God damn it.
179
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:06,274
Well, look on the bright side.
180
00:07:06,276 --> 00:07:08,009
Which is?
181
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:08,643
Which is what?
182
00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:10,111
What's the bright side?!
183
00:07:10,113 --> 00:07:10,878
Oh.
184
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,614
That's a figure of speech.
185
00:07:15,906 --> 00:07:19,843
All I'm saying is there are a
million green rectangularly reasons to
186
00:07:19,845 --> 00:07:22,146
complete the mission, and
zero reasons not to.
187
00:07:22,148 --> 00:07:23,847
You mean besides
Cyril getting captured.
188
00:07:23,849 --> 00:07:24,948
Yeah! Besides that.
189
00:07:24,950 --> 00:07:28,552
And if Calzado's men got Cyril, we'll
rescue him when we get Calzado.
190
00:07:28,554 --> 00:07:31,488
Problemo solvedo.
What if it was F.A.R.K.
191
00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:32,222
or V.E.L.N.
192
00:07:32,224 --> 00:07:35,391
Then we'll use some of the
million dollar reward to pay his ransom.
193
00:07:35,393 --> 00:07:39,462
So shut up, Cyril's going to be fine.
194
00:07:39,464 --> 00:07:40,363
Unless a tiger ate him.
195
00:07:40,365 --> 00:07:42,532
Tigers don't
live in South America.
196
00:07:42,534 --> 00:07:45,868
Well at least one does because
I just heard its spine-tingling roar.
197
00:07:45,870 --> 00:07:47,370
That was a jaguar, dumbass.
198
00:07:47,372 --> 00:07:49,271
Thanks, Marlon Perkins.
199
00:07:49,273 --> 00:07:54,209
I think I know a tiger when I hear one.
200
00:07:54,211 --> 00:07:58,380
Every time, your big fat
mouth get's us caught, every time.
201
00:07:58,382 --> 00:08:02,550
Not every time,
like a third of the time.
202
00:08:02,552 --> 00:08:06,787
And a thousand bucks
that's a tiger Lana.
203
00:08:06,789 --> 00:08:09,022
If this doesn't
work we just paid a hundred
204
00:08:09,024 --> 00:08:10,390
bucks for liquid fart.
205
00:08:10,392 --> 00:08:14,962
Yeah, well here's
shit in your eye.
206
00:08:14,964 --> 00:08:17,565
Oh god, it tastes
worse than it smells.
207
00:08:17,567 --> 00:08:22,104
Man, if I had a nickel for every
time I heard a guy said that,
208
00:08:22,106 --> 00:08:24,006
I'd have eight nickels.
209
00:08:24,008 --> 00:08:26,709
Archer, I swear to
God if you don't shut up.
210
00:08:26,711 --> 00:08:30,313
I'm just saying if it comes
down to that, and I hope it doesn't,
211
00:08:30,315 --> 00:08:33,316
there's no sense in us
both getting raped.
212
00:08:33,318 --> 00:08:38,154
Fernando, our special guests
must not be injured in any way.
213
00:08:38,156 --> 00:08:40,223
Uh, does that include
rape related injuries?
214
00:08:40,225 --> 00:08:40,924
Of course.
215
00:08:40,926 --> 00:08:42,525
No one is going to rape you.
216
00:08:42,527 --> 00:08:43,726
What is wrong with you?
217
00:08:43,728 --> 00:08:44,394
We're scared.
218
00:08:44,396 --> 00:08:46,495
We're just tourists, see,
and our car broke down.
219
00:08:46,497 --> 00:08:51,133
So the assault weapons and plastic
explosives, why do you have these?
220
00:08:51,135 --> 00:08:52,735
O.: yes, let me explain.
221
00:08:52,737 --> 00:08:54,804
Busted, we're arms dealers.
222
00:08:54,806 --> 00:08:57,841
No, I think not.
223
00:08:57,843 --> 00:09:00,110
I Think you are hunting Roma�n Calzado.
224
00:09:00,112 --> 00:09:02,179
In the hopes of a
million dollar reward.
225
00:09:02,181 --> 00:09:04,248
O.K. yes, busted again.
226
00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:07,052
But I think now we're
kinda rethinking that.
227
00:09:07,054 --> 00:09:09,955
So, if I give you two
million, will you go away
228
00:09:09,957 --> 00:09:11,156
and say you never found me?
229
00:09:11,158 --> 00:09:13,425
I -- Oh my God, totally yes.
230
00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:15,694
Then we give mother a
million and you and I can
231
00:09:15,696 --> 00:09:17,262
split the other million.
232
00:09:17,264 --> 00:09:19,531
Calzado, you've got yourself a deal.
233
00:09:19,533 --> 00:09:20,398
Excellent.
234
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,367
But of course I was joking.
235
00:09:22,369 --> 00:09:24,469
Obviously I can not allow you to live.
236
00:09:24,471 --> 00:09:25,537
No, yes you can.
237
00:09:25,539 --> 00:09:29,640
Or choose not to, whatever,
besides, throwing money away like that
238
00:09:29,642 --> 00:09:31,042
would not please el contador.
239
00:09:31,044 --> 00:09:32,776
El contador, doesn't that mean.
240
00:09:32,778 --> 00:09:35,279
The accountant, si.
241
00:09:35,281 --> 00:09:36,648
Cyril?!
242
00:09:36,650 --> 00:09:38,450
Que?
243
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:40,452
No he said cereal.
244
00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:41,220
Que?
245
00:09:41,222 --> 00:09:43,222
Cerealas.
246
00:09:43,224 --> 00:09:45,525
El quiere desayuno.
247
00:09:45,527 --> 00:09:53,134
And people in
hell want ice water.
248
00:09:53,136 --> 00:09:54,335
Oye.
249
00:09:54,337 --> 00:09:59,373
Pardon.
250
00:09:59,375 --> 00:10:00,307
Oh my God!
251
00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:04,579
I'm gonna die in a toilet stall
just like the gypsy said.
252
00:10:04,581 --> 00:10:06,215
Damn that Krieger.
253
00:10:06,217 --> 00:10:08,083
Nazi-clone-bastard.
254
00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:10,553
Well, we don't
know it was the tea.
255
00:10:10,555 --> 00:10:11,153
Aagh!
256
00:10:11,155 --> 00:10:12,187
Who the hell are you?!
257
00:10:12,189 --> 00:10:14,990
I'm your friend,
Pam, I'm -- Pam?!
258
00:10:14,992 --> 00:10:18,927
You're not my friend, you're a Decepticon.
Waaaagh!
259
00:10:18,929 --> 00:10:20,963
How are you both still alive?!
260
00:10:20,965 --> 00:10:23,031
The floor is lava!
261
00:10:23,033 --> 00:10:26,368
The floor is lava!
262
00:10:26,370 --> 00:10:27,969
Clinical trial thirteen.
263
00:10:27,971 --> 00:10:31,105
Subjects' responses are
exceeding expectations.
264
00:10:31,107 --> 00:10:32,707
Pam you're melting!
265
00:10:32,709 --> 00:10:33,541
You're melting!
266
00:10:33,543 --> 00:10:36,877
Because the
floor is lah-vuh-huhhhh!
267
00:10:36,879 --> 00:10:40,780
Must! Kill! Decepticon!
268
00:10:40,782 --> 00:10:42,482
Oh, which reminds me:
269
00:10:42,484 --> 00:10:44,317
call Terry.
270
00:10:44,319 --> 00:10:45,351
RROWWR!
271
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:48,387
The tiger says... RROWWR!
272
00:10:48,389 --> 00:10:52,190
The tiger also says you
owe me a thousand dollars, so -
273
00:10:52,192 --> 00:10:52,858
No! I don't!
274
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,293
Because I didn't bet!
275
00:10:54,295 --> 00:10:56,962
The welsher says...
Psssst!
276
00:10:56,964 --> 00:10:58,264
No, that's a snake.
277
00:10:58,266 --> 00:11:00,266
Oh boy, am I
glad to see you guys!
278
00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:01,701
Cyril, what the
hell's going on?!
279
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,570
Are you a drug
dealer now, or...?
280
00:11:03,572 --> 00:11:04,805
What? No!
281
00:11:04,807 --> 00:11:06,607
And you guys aren't gonna
believe what happened!
282
00:11:06,609 --> 00:11:11,178
I had, um, gastric distress, or whatever,
so I was just gonna duck off the
283
00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:13,381
trail...
And you remember to check your six.
284
00:11:13,383 --> 00:11:14,215
My six what?
285
00:11:14,217 --> 00:11:23,189
Before I knew what was happening...
Oh man, right in my new pants!
286
00:11:23,191 --> 00:11:24,057
��Oye!
287
00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:26,226
Hellooo...
HENCHMAN:! Manos arriba!�!
288
00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:27,260
Quien es?!
289
00:11:27,262 --> 00:11:31,497
And I only had a second to answer,
so I thought, what would Lana do?
290
00:11:31,499 --> 00:11:33,132
Not Archer?
291
00:11:33,134 --> 00:11:34,967
No, I had to outsmart them.
292
00:11:34,969 --> 00:11:38,671
He said, suddenly too big
for his shit-caked britches.
293
00:11:38,673 --> 00:11:39,238
Archer.
294
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,773
And then it came to me!
295
00:11:40,775 --> 00:11:43,075
Uh... quien soy?
296
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:45,077
Soy el contador!
297
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,745
Enviado de La Sombra!
298
00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:48,647
Donde esta� Calzado?!
299
00:11:48,649 --> 00:11:49,714
What's a La Sombra?
300
00:11:49,716 --> 00:11:52,451
Calzado's boss, don't
you remember the dossier?
301
00:11:52,453 --> 00:11:53,285
No.
302
00:11:53,287 --> 00:11:53,853
Yes.
303
00:11:53,855 --> 00:11:57,857
But, what about the gunshot?
304
00:11:57,859 --> 00:12:00,394
Then they brought me here, and
I bluffed my way through the rest...
305
00:12:00,396 --> 00:12:02,629
La Sombra did
not say you were coming.
306
00:12:02,631 --> 00:12:05,833
Well, I assume he did not want to
give you the time to cook your books.
307
00:12:05,835 --> 00:12:08,303
I -- that -- I
swear I don't do that!
308
00:12:08,305 --> 00:12:09,771
Well, then you are a fool.
309
00:12:09,773 --> 00:12:10,505
�Que?
310
00:12:10,507 --> 00:12:13,174
You pay La Sombra sixty-four
cents on every dollar you make, no?
311
00:12:13,176 --> 00:12:17,312
Mmmmas o menos, pero...
I can get that down to thirty cents,
312
00:12:17,314 --> 00:12:19,214
and he will never even know.
313
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:20,849
Si?! Pero como?!
314
00:12:20,851 --> 00:12:22,884
You just leave
that to me, amigo.
315
00:12:22,886 --> 00:12:27,322
Wait, what's in this for you?
316
00:12:27,324 --> 00:12:29,924
We split the
difference, of course!
317
00:12:29,926 --> 00:12:31,560
But first I need some clean clothes.
318
00:12:31,562 --> 00:12:35,130
This is not mud all over my pants.
319
00:12:35,132 --> 00:12:35,897
It's caca.
320
00:12:35,899 --> 00:12:37,199
Holy shit, Cyril!
321
00:12:37,201 --> 00:12:38,634
Literally.
322
00:12:38,636 --> 00:12:41,403
Yeah, really kinda wish I'd
skipped the diarrhea part...
323
00:12:41,405 --> 00:12:43,038
Forget that, you did great!
324
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:43,639
Really?
325
00:12:43,641 --> 00:12:47,242
It figuratively kills me to
say this Cyril, but yeah, you did.
326
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:48,978
So now what, what's the plan?
327
00:12:48,980 --> 00:12:51,613
Oh. Well, I was hoping you
guys could come up with something.
328
00:12:51,615 --> 00:12:54,416
And ideally before tomorrow at dawn.
329
00:12:54,418 --> 00:12:56,852
Why, what's --
What is going on here?!
330
00:12:56,854 --> 00:12:57,620
Ah, amigo!
331
00:12:57,622 --> 00:13:02,325
I was just mocking this giant
negress and her sissy sidekick.
332
00:13:02,327 --> 00:13:04,961
Yes, they are ridiculous, no?
333
00:13:04,963 --> 00:13:07,096
Are the accommodations to your liking?
334
00:13:07,098 --> 00:13:07,830
Honestly?
335
00:13:07,832 --> 00:13:08,197
No.
336
00:13:08,199 --> 00:13:10,366
You shouldn't even keep
animals in these conditions.
337
00:13:10,368 --> 00:13:11,000
Look at them.
338
00:13:11,002 --> 00:13:15,838
Cement floors, steel bars, no room to
run around, nothing to play with...
339
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,775
Ah, I think perhaps you
are confusing this with a zoo.
340
00:13:18,777 --> 00:13:21,745
I think, maybe, it's
all these exotic animals.
341
00:13:21,747 --> 00:13:24,248
Yes, exotic
animals for me to hunt.
342
00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:25,215
You hunt them?!
343
00:13:25,217 --> 00:13:26,417
How can you do that?!
344
00:13:26,419 --> 00:13:29,153
Like this.
345
00:13:29,155 --> 00:13:30,421
God damn dude.
346
00:13:30,423 --> 00:13:31,188
But you see?
347
00:13:31,190 --> 00:13:34,358
Even the majestic Bengal
tiger is too easy to kill!
348
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:34,992
It's boring!
349
00:13:34,994 --> 00:13:37,828
Which is why tomorrow at dawn,
I will be hunting the most
350
00:13:37,830 --> 00:13:40,097
dangerous game in the world!
351
00:13:40,099 --> 00:13:41,364
Jai alai?
352
00:13:41,366 --> 00:13:42,065
Us!
353
00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:42,798
What?!
354
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:43,299
Si.
355
00:13:43,301 --> 00:13:44,066
So sleep well, amigos!
356
00:13:44,068 --> 00:13:46,101
I want you rested and
strong for tomorrow!
357
00:13:46,103 --> 00:13:48,703
Venga, Senor Contador, cenamos juntos!
358
00:13:48,705 --> 00:13:51,539
So yeah, try to think of a plan!
359
00:13:51,541 --> 00:13:54,209
Well, go ahead and say it.
360
00:13:54,211 --> 00:13:54,742
Say what.
361
00:13:54,744 --> 00:13:57,345
How since we're gonna die in
the morning we should have sex now.
362
00:13:57,347 --> 00:13:59,982
After seeing a
tiger get murdered, Lana?
363
00:13:59,984 --> 00:14:04,886
No offense, but I'm not
really in the mood.
364
00:14:04,888 --> 00:14:07,155
If you want, I can watch
while you masturbate.
365
00:14:07,157 --> 00:14:09,991
But I can tell you right now
my he's not gonna be in it.
366
00:14:09,993 --> 00:14:12,827
It will be with that tiger's family.
367
00:14:12,829 --> 00:14:16,396
But, go ahead, start.
368
00:14:19,548 --> 00:14:23,518
And so begins the hunt
for the most dangerous game!
369
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,354
Hooray...
So what are the les here, exactly?
370
00:14:26,356 --> 00:14:26,988
Lana be still.
371
00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:28,956
You get a
thirty-minute head start.
372
00:14:28,958 --> 00:14:33,161
Then El Contador and I, just us,
alone, will track you and kill you.
373
00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:34,595
Uh, uh... oh!
374
00:14:34,597 --> 00:14:35,497
Can they split up?
375
00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:36,865
Ehhh, sure, why not.
376
00:14:36,867 --> 00:14:39,234
Then I propose a friendly wager.
377
00:14:39,236 --> 00:14:42,538
We each hunt one of them, and the first
to kill his quarry is the winner.
378
00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:43,839
I like this idea.
379
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:46,375
But which --
I get the woman called it boom!
380
00:14:46,377 --> 00:14:51,914
I -- alright,
since you called it.
381
00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:56,653
�Oye! Cochino...
Okay, let's hunt some humans!
382
00:14:56,655 --> 00:14:58,822
Go go go go gunngh!
383
00:14:58,824 --> 00:15:00,624
Are you really that selfish?!
384
00:15:00,626 --> 00:15:03,761
Apparently!
385
00:15:03,763 --> 00:15:05,796
Clinical trial
thirteen, update.
386
00:15:05,798 --> 00:15:08,765
As hypothesized, after
mind-shredding hallucinations,
387
00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:14,271
subjects B and C have lapsed into deep
unconsciousness... Subject A, however,
388
00:15:14,273 --> 00:15:17,207
remains at large.
389
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:22,846
Begin clinical trial fourteen...
Lana? Lana.
390
00:15:22,848 --> 00:15:24,582
Where the heck is - shmmpf!
391
00:15:24,584 --> 00:15:25,817
Don't scream, it's me.
392
00:15:25,819 --> 00:15:29,420
Oh thank God, I thought those were yeti hands...
Never gets old.
393
00:15:29,422 --> 00:15:31,990
But good idea back there,
getting everybody to split up.
394
00:15:31,992 --> 00:15:35,828
Thanks, yeah, I figured you'd know
to head back to the, uh, LZ thingy --
395
00:15:35,830 --> 00:15:38,030
Which we've only got
about an hour to get to so --
396
00:15:38,032 --> 00:15:40,366
-- and I figured once I
found you we could work together
397
00:15:40,368 --> 00:15:43,302
to rescue Archer, capture
Calzado, and escape.
398
00:15:43,304 --> 00:15:45,738
Ya know, you don't
actually suck at this.
399
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:46,505
Really?
400
00:15:46,507 --> 00:15:48,674
You're thinking tactically, making
quick decisions... and I gotta tell
401
00:15:48,676 --> 00:15:51,444
ya, confidence is pretty damn sexy.
402
00:15:51,446 --> 00:15:53,679
Reeally...
Theoretically.
403
00:15:53,681 --> 00:15:54,280
Sorry.
404
00:15:54,282 --> 00:15:57,650
Okay, you're doing pretty well
so far, so what's the plan, rookie?
405
00:15:57,652 --> 00:15:59,785
And sooner would be better than later.
406
00:15:59,787 --> 00:16:01,887
Yeah, Calzado's
on a darn threewheeler.
407
00:16:01,889 --> 00:16:02,888
Can you believe that guy?
408
00:16:02,890 --> 00:16:05,691
Who, the drug-lord who
hunts humans for sport?
409
00:16:05,693 --> 00:16:07,459
I know, but that's just lame.
410
00:16:07,461 --> 00:16:07,993
Cyril?
411
00:16:07,995 --> 00:16:11,196
Uh, uh, okay, so we have to assume
Archer's heading back to the LZ too,
412
00:16:11,198 --> 00:16:15,233
but he can't possibly outrun Calzado...
Yeah, neither can we, so...?
413
00:16:15,235 --> 00:16:16,968
We don't need to outrun him!
414
00:16:16,970 --> 00:16:17,969
Just Archer!
415
00:16:17,971 --> 00:16:18,469
What?
416
00:16:18,471 --> 00:16:20,471
Come on!
417
00:16:20,473 --> 00:16:22,206
Oww!
418
00:16:22,208 --> 00:16:24,708
Oh eat a dick, jungle!
419
00:16:24,710 --> 00:16:28,444
Cover it with malaria and leeches,
sprinkle some dengue fever on it,
420
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:32,015
and eat a big goddamn jungly dick!
421
00:16:32,017 --> 00:16:37,220
Yeah, you do that, and I'll just wait
here for a bask of Orinoco crocodiles to
422
00:16:37,222 --> 00:16:39,756
wander by and eat me.
423
00:16:39,758 --> 00:16:44,361
Oh great, that's probably them now,
tearing around on specially-equipped
424
00:16:44,363 --> 00:16:45,809
croc-choppers.
425
00:16:45,929 --> 00:16:47,302
Wait, what the...?
426
00:17:00,748 --> 00:17:04,950
Goddess of the Jungle,
I take it all back!
427
00:17:04,952 --> 00:17:11,656
For when I was thirsty, you saw
fit to slake my thiiiiiirrrrst!
428
00:17:11,658 --> 00:17:15,659
Goddess of the Jungle, you are a whore.
429
00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:18,561
Oh thank God, I thought
you were crocodiles.
430
00:17:18,563 --> 00:17:19,562
Crocodiles?
431
00:17:19,564 --> 00:17:20,797
On a three-wheeler?
432
00:17:20,799 --> 00:17:21,364
Right?
433
00:17:21,366 --> 00:17:22,532
How scary would that be?
434
00:17:22,534 --> 00:17:25,368
Mmm, probably not as scary as
knowing that I am going to cut you down
435
00:17:25,370 --> 00:17:28,305
from there, and then
gut you like a fish.
436
00:17:28,307 --> 00:17:31,641
Well then you're obviously an
idiot when it comes to crocodiles,
437
00:17:31,643 --> 00:17:34,511
AKA the world's most
deadliest predators.
438
00:17:34,513 --> 00:17:36,947
I am the world's
deadliest predator!
439
00:17:36,949 --> 00:17:38,182
Or are you?
440
00:17:38,184 --> 00:17:38,849
�Que?
441
00:17:38,851 --> 00:17:39,383
Cyril?!
442
00:17:39,385 --> 00:17:40,251
No breakfast for you!
443
00:17:40,253 --> 00:17:42,387
No, that's my name, Calzado.
444
00:17:42,389 --> 00:17:44,323
Cyril Figgis... ISIS agent.
445
00:17:44,325 --> 00:17:45,991
Bastardo mentiroso!
446
00:17:45,993 --> 00:17:46,525
ISIS?!
447
00:17:46,527 --> 00:17:47,326
That's right.
448
00:17:47,328 --> 00:17:49,194
And you're under arrest.
449
00:17:49,196 --> 00:17:50,395
Albeit extra-judicially.
450
00:17:50,397 --> 00:17:52,163
Over my dead body!
451
00:17:52,165 --> 00:17:53,932
Well, that can be arranged.
452
00:17:53,934 --> 00:17:55,500
Lana?
453
00:17:55,502 --> 00:17:59,070
Hellooo... Ay, caramba...
Wh-? Wait a minute,
454
00:17:59,072 --> 00:17:59,504
was I just bait?!
455
00:17:59,506 --> 00:18:00,438
That's right, Archer.
456
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,641
All part of my brilliant plan.
457
00:18:02,643 --> 00:18:05,277
Lana, get some vines and
tie him up, chop-chop.
458
00:18:05,279 --> 00:18:06,478
Chop-chop?
459
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,082
Here we go...
Uh yeah, it means hurry?
460
00:18:09,084 --> 00:18:12,485
C'mon, we got a chopper
to catch, tie him up!
461
00:18:12,487 --> 00:18:13,487
You do it.
462
00:18:13,489 --> 00:18:15,222
Okay, I see what
you're doing here.
463
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:16,824
Hands behind your back, Calzado.
464
00:18:16,826 --> 00:18:17,858
Make me.
465
00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:20,261
I -- look, she will shoot you!
466
00:18:20,263 --> 00:18:21,162
No I won't.
467
00:18:21,164 --> 00:18:23,164
No she won't!
468
00:18:23,166 --> 00:18:25,500
C'mon Cyril, go all rogue on him!
469
00:18:25,502 --> 00:18:30,005
Guys c'mon, this
is ridicul -- ungh!
470
00:18:30,007 --> 00:18:33,074
I think I'm gonna be -- ungh!
471
00:18:33,076 --> 00:18:37,711
Yeah, I'm gonna be sick...
Here, maybe this'll help...
472
00:18:37,713 --> 00:18:41,648
Aaagh! My eyes!
473
00:18:41,650 --> 00:18:43,116
Probably shouldn't
have done that.
474
00:18:43,118 --> 00:18:47,753
Not enough left to get drunk on.
475
00:18:47,755 --> 00:18:49,322
Bastardo!
476
00:18:49,324 --> 00:18:52,525
I kill you!
477
00:18:52,527 --> 00:18:55,228
Lanaaaa!
478
00:18:55,230 --> 00:18:56,629
What the hell damn guy.
479
00:18:56,631 --> 00:18:59,232
Oh thank you thank you thank you...
You're welcome, Cyril.
480
00:18:59,234 --> 00:19:02,101
So, did you learn any
valuable lessons today?
481
00:19:02,103 --> 00:19:03,336
Yes, I did.
482
00:19:03,338 --> 00:19:05,271
Me too.
483
00:19:05,273 --> 00:19:07,907
I learned I don't like being bait.
484
00:19:07,909 --> 00:19:08,708
Owww!
485
00:19:08,710 --> 00:19:10,743
Sorry, Cyril, did that hurt?
486
00:19:10,745 --> 00:19:14,647
Cyril. Cyril.
487
00:19:14,649 --> 00:19:15,414
Cyriiillll!
488
00:19:15,416 --> 00:19:16,682
Yes it frickin hurt!
489
00:19:16,684 --> 00:19:18,050
Yeah, right?
490
00:19:18,052 --> 00:19:18,884
What?!
491
00:19:18,886 --> 00:19:20,952
Yes, obviously I heard what you said!
492
00:19:20,954 --> 00:19:25,823
I just can't believe the head of
the DEA has the balls to say it!
493
00:19:25,825 --> 00:19:27,859
Oh, is that a fact!
494
00:19:27,861 --> 00:19:29,427
Oh it is.
495
00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:32,630
M-hm. Yep.
496
00:19:32,632 --> 00:19:35,900
So, uh... How'd that go?
497
00:19:35,902 --> 00:19:36,568
Oh, fine.
498
00:19:36,570 --> 00:19:39,404
He was just explaining to me why
ISIS won't be receiving any
499
00:19:39,406 --> 00:19:41,673
reward for capturing Calzado.
500
00:19:41,675 --> 00:19:43,208
[ What?!]
501
00:19:43,210 --> 00:19:46,612
Because apparently there's
no proof that we did.
502
00:19:46,614 --> 00:19:48,947
We literally
handed Calzado to them!
503
00:19:48,949 --> 00:19:52,884
And in return, did they hand
you a signed receipt for the prisoner?
504
00:19:52,886 --> 00:19:55,119
No, they -- oh.
505
00:19:55,121 --> 00:19:55,886
Oh, shit.
506
00:19:55,888 --> 00:19:58,155
Mm. So, well done.
507
00:19:58,157 --> 00:20:02,493
Because that's exactly the brand of
unparalleled professional excellence that
508
00:20:02,495 --> 00:20:04,328
I've come to expect at ISIS.
509
00:20:04,330 --> 00:20:05,429
No no no no nooo!
510
00:20:05,431 --> 00:20:07,698
What the --
Oh, I wish I was still blind.
511
00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:11,535
You'll never take me aliiiive!
512
00:20:11,537 --> 00:20:13,404
What was I saying?
513
00:20:13,406 --> 00:20:17,175
Oh yes, unparalleled...
Paaaam!
514
00:20:17,177 --> 00:20:21,580
For the love of God, seal the exits!
515
00:20:21,582 --> 00:20:26,553
Professional...
That's our pee,
516
00:20:26,555 --> 00:20:28,555
and that's the last I
better hear about it.
517
00:20:28,557 --> 00:20:37,329
Because this stupid building is a tinderbox,
and I will burn it to the ground.
518
00:20:37,331 --> 00:20:38,731
Excellence.
519
00:20:38,733 --> 00:20:42,800
Oh hey, speaking of excellent,
did you hear we met a tiger?!
520
00:20:42,802 --> 00:20:45,133
But he got murdered.
37156
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