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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,500
This job is eating me alive.
2
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:06,099
I can't breathe anymore.
3
00:00:06,133 --> 00:00:08,668
I spent all these years
trying to be the good guy,
4
00:00:08,669 --> 00:00:11,237
the man in the white hat.
5
00:00:11,272 --> 00:00:13,907
I'm not becoming like them.
6
00:00:13,908 --> 00:00:16,342
I am them.
7
00:00:16,343 --> 00:00:19,045
Hey! What are
you doing, weirdo?
8
00:00:19,046 --> 00:00:20,880
I'm doing the best speech
from Donnie Brasco.
9
00:00:20,915 --> 00:00:22,682
Or actually,
10
00:00:22,683 --> 00:00:25,084
ten of me are doing the best
speech from Donnie Brasco.
11
00:00:25,085 --> 00:00:26,986
What's up?
12
00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:29,222
Get it together, man.
Okay?
13
00:00:29,223 --> 00:00:30,957
So the store was hit
about two hours ago.
14
00:00:30,991 --> 00:00:33,459
They took mostly tablets,
laptops, and cameras.
15
00:00:36,130 --> 00:00:38,264
Sorry.
16
00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:40,740
I'd like a list
of all your employees,
17
00:00:40,768 --> 00:00:42,802
whoever had access
to the store.
18
00:00:42,803 --> 00:00:44,837
I'd also like to apologize
for my partner.
19
00:00:44,838 --> 00:00:46,639
His parents didn't give him
enough attention.
20
00:00:46,674 --> 00:00:47,707
Uh, Detective...
21
00:00:47,741 --> 00:00:49,309
I already solved the case.
22
00:00:49,343 --> 00:00:50,843
We're looking
for three white males,
23
00:00:50,844 --> 00:00:52,545
one of whom has sleeve tats
on both arms.
24
00:00:52,546 --> 00:00:54,280
And how do you know that?
25
00:00:54,315 --> 00:00:56,182
I had an informant
on the inside.
26
00:00:56,216 --> 00:00:57,784
He's been here for years.
27
00:00:57,818 --> 00:01:00,687
Watching, learning.
Waiting.
28
00:01:00,688 --> 00:01:03,056
His code name?
29
00:01:03,057 --> 00:01:05,224
Fuzzy Cuddle bear.
30
00:01:05,225 --> 00:01:07,126
He's a nanny cam.
31
00:01:07,161 --> 00:01:08,928
You got lucky.
32
00:01:08,963 --> 00:01:10,697
No, I got here five minutes
before you
33
00:01:10,698 --> 00:01:12,365
and figured that in
this gigantic electronics store,
34
00:01:12,366 --> 00:01:14,334
there had to be at least
one working camera.
35
00:01:14,368 --> 00:01:16,469
Oh! Hi, bad guys!
36
00:01:16,470 --> 00:01:18,838
You did it, fuzzy.
You busted 'em.
37
00:01:18,839 --> 00:01:20,707
It's time to come home.
38
00:01:20,708 --> 00:01:22,575
I'm not sure
if I can.
39
00:01:22,576 --> 00:01:25,678
I've been undercover so long,
I've forgotten who I am.
40
00:01:25,713 --> 00:01:27,680
I have seen terrible things.
41
00:01:27,715 --> 00:01:30,049
I haven't known the touch
of a woman in many moons.
42
00:01:30,050 --> 00:01:31,684
All right.
43
00:01:31,685 --> 00:01:34,253
Detective Santiago!
44
00:01:34,254 --> 00:01:35,989
Don't walk away from me!
45
00:01:38,906 --> 00:01:45,612
Sync & corrections by dzimu_kairu
46
00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:49,169
Yes, I did crack the case.
47
00:01:49,203 --> 00:01:51,271
So, Santiago,
would you do the honors?
48
00:01:52,873 --> 00:01:56,609
Ohhh!
49
00:01:56,610 --> 00:01:58,044
I hate this!
50
00:01:58,079 --> 00:01:59,312
Ah, yeah.
51
00:01:59,313 --> 00:02:00,747
I hate this.
52
00:02:00,748 --> 00:02:01,915
And you're just
gonna add one.
53
00:02:01,916 --> 00:02:03,283
I'm winning.
54
00:02:04,452 --> 00:02:06,086
It's a good feeling.
55
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,021
It's a good feeling.
Yeah.
56
00:02:08,055 --> 00:02:09,222
Enjoy it while it lasts.
57
00:02:09,256 --> 00:02:10,623
I will!
58
00:02:10,624 --> 00:02:12,959
JP, update
on the Morgenthau murder?
59
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,662
Yeah! Good news
for all you murder fans.
60
00:02:15,663 --> 00:02:17,464
Earlier this morning...
61
00:02:17,498 --> 00:02:19,799
Someone decided
to shoot and kill
62
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,268
luxury food importer
Henry Morgenthau.
63
00:02:22,269 --> 00:02:24,304
Body was found
by the cleaning lady,
64
00:02:24,338 --> 00:02:27,006
during her interview, I deduced,
using expert Detective work,
65
00:02:27,007 --> 00:02:29,142
that she had something
super gross on her chin.
66
00:02:31,278 --> 00:02:32,746
I think it was flan.
67
00:02:32,780 --> 00:02:34,013
Charles thinks it was flan.
68
00:02:34,014 --> 00:02:35,548
I think
it was butterscotch pudding.
69
00:02:35,583 --> 00:02:37,183
Maybe it was just
old person gunk.
70
00:02:37,184 --> 00:02:38,718
You know how old people
always have that gunk on them.
71
00:02:38,753 --> 00:02:39,986
Oldie gunk.
Could be, yeah.
72
00:02:39,987 --> 00:02:41,287
Anyone else?
73
00:02:41,288 --> 00:02:42,789
How about we focus
on the murder
74
00:02:42,790 --> 00:02:44,758
and not the old person gunk?
75
00:02:44,792 --> 00:02:46,092
Crime techs are
at the scene now.
76
00:02:46,093 --> 00:02:47,260
We're heading back
when they're done.
77
00:02:47,294 --> 00:02:48,795
Okay, I want you on this.
78
00:02:48,796 --> 00:02:50,230
It's gonna be priority one
for the new C.O.
79
00:02:50,264 --> 00:02:52,065
Wait, tell us
about the new Captain.
80
00:02:52,099 --> 00:02:53,299
Captain Holt
will be here soon.
81
00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:57,604
He'll wanna introduce himself.
Dismissed.
82
00:02:59,874 --> 00:03:01,080
Hey, Gina.
83
00:03:01,108 --> 00:03:02,776
You know any scalpers?
84
00:03:02,810 --> 00:03:04,677
I wanna ask Rosa to go to
the Rihanna concert with me,
85
00:03:04,678 --> 00:03:05,845
but it's sold out.
86
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,814
Okay,
two points to make here.
87
00:03:07,815 --> 00:03:09,516
First, Rihanna...
88
00:03:09,550 --> 00:03:10,683
You...
89
00:03:10,718 --> 00:03:12,619
And then Rihanna.
90
00:03:12,653 --> 00:03:14,821
Yeah.
What's your second point?
91
00:03:14,855 --> 00:03:16,189
She's got a type.
92
00:03:16,190 --> 00:03:18,291
Which is really anyone
but you.
93
00:03:18,325 --> 00:03:20,794
Yeah, that was
my ex-wife's type too.
94
00:03:20,828 --> 00:03:24,531
Look, a Rihanna concert's
a pretty big swing, man.
95
00:03:24,532 --> 00:03:27,634
- I don't know.
- She's into watching old movies.
96
00:03:27,668 --> 00:03:31,037
Cool. Where would I find a place
that shows old movies?
97
00:03:31,071 --> 00:03:33,072
Oh, yeah, just go
on the Internet
98
00:03:33,073 --> 00:03:36,643
and search for the phrase
"I want to buy two movie tickets
99
00:03:36,644 --> 00:03:38,311
for a girl
who doesn't like me."
100
00:03:38,345 --> 00:03:40,947
- Great. Thank you.
- Good.
101
00:03:40,981 --> 00:03:44,818
Hey, you heard anything
about the new Captain?
102
00:03:44,852 --> 00:03:46,753
Uh, no, and I don't care.
103
00:03:46,754 --> 00:03:48,988
I just wish Captain McGintley
never left, he was the best.
104
00:03:49,023 --> 00:03:50,523
He was terrible.
105
00:03:50,524 --> 00:03:51,758
You just liked him
'cause he let you do
106
00:03:51,759 --> 00:03:53,059
anything you wanted.
107
00:03:53,060 --> 00:03:55,895
On your marks, get set...
108
00:03:55,896 --> 00:03:57,397
Go.
109
00:03:57,398 --> 00:03:59,065
What the hell's going on
around here?
110
00:03:59,099 --> 00:04:01,367
Fire extinguisher
roller chair derby?
111
00:04:01,402 --> 00:04:03,203
Okay.
112
00:04:03,204 --> 00:04:04,838
And go!
113
00:04:08,375 --> 00:04:10,343
Yeah!
114
00:04:10,344 --> 00:04:12,345
What's your point?
115
00:04:12,346 --> 00:04:14,514
If I'm ever gonna make Captain,
I need a good mentor.
116
00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:15,548
I need my rabbi.
117
00:04:15,583 --> 00:04:17,350
Sorry, dude...
118
00:04:17,351 --> 00:04:19,152
But this new guy's gonna be
another washed-up pencil pusher
119
00:04:19,186 --> 00:04:20,286
who's only concerned with...
120
00:04:20,287 --> 00:04:21,588
Following every rule
121
00:04:21,589 --> 00:04:23,556
in the patrol guide.
122
00:04:23,557 --> 00:04:27,494
Meep morp zeep.
Robot Captain Engage.
123
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,529
- Is that what you think?
- He-hey!
124
00:04:29,563 --> 00:04:32,098
New Captain alert.
125
00:04:32,132 --> 00:04:33,800
You must be the new C.O.
126
00:04:33,801 --> 00:04:35,935
I'm Detective Jake Peralta.
Great to meet you.
127
00:04:35,970 --> 00:04:37,604
Now don't let me interrupt.
128
00:04:37,605 --> 00:04:38,905
You were describing what
kind of person I'm gonna be.
129
00:04:38,906 --> 00:04:40,240
I'd like you to finish.
130
00:04:40,274 --> 00:04:43,977
That's not necessary.
131
00:04:43,978 --> 00:04:47,013
Or I could recap
very quickly, sure.
132
00:04:47,047 --> 00:04:48,815
Um, let's see.
133
00:04:48,816 --> 00:04:50,483
I think I said some joke
134
00:04:50,484 --> 00:04:52,452
about being
a washed-up pencil pusher.
135
00:04:52,486 --> 00:04:54,287
- Now do the robot voice.
- Which...
136
00:04:54,288 --> 00:04:56,389
The robot voice
you were doing
137
00:04:56,423 --> 00:04:58,258
when you implied
I'm a rule-following robot.
138
00:04:58,259 --> 00:05:01,261
I wanna hear it again.
139
00:05:02,630 --> 00:05:06,633
Meep morp... zarp.
140
00:05:06,634 --> 00:05:08,735
Robot.
141
00:05:08,769 --> 00:05:11,070
- That's a terrible robot voice.
- Yep.
142
00:05:11,071 --> 00:05:12,405
The next time I see you,
143
00:05:12,406 --> 00:05:14,607
I'd like you
to be wearing a necktie.
144
00:05:14,642 --> 00:05:17,644
Oh, actually, the last Captain
didn't care if we wore ties.
145
00:05:17,678 --> 00:05:18,978
Well, your new Captain does.
146
00:05:18,979 --> 00:05:20,346
And more importantly,
147
00:05:20,347 --> 00:05:22,415
he cares that you follow
his direct orders.
148
00:05:22,416 --> 00:05:23,616
Everyone,
149
00:05:23,617 --> 00:05:25,051
I'm your new
commanding officer,
150
00:05:25,085 --> 00:05:27,453
- Captain Ray Holt.
- Speech!
151
00:05:27,454 --> 00:05:30,156
- That was my speech.
- Short and sweet.
152
00:05:30,190 --> 00:05:34,160
- Sergeant Jeffords, a word.
- Yes, sir.
153
00:05:34,194 --> 00:05:36,996
I love that guy.
154
00:05:37,031 --> 00:05:38,164
Same!
155
00:05:38,198 --> 00:05:39,966
He's so suave.
156
00:05:39,967 --> 00:05:43,503
Does anyone get
a little bit of a gay vibe?
157
00:05:43,537 --> 00:05:45,271
No? Okay.
158
00:05:45,306 --> 00:05:47,872
Sergeant, you were
in the 1-8 with me...
159
00:05:47,875 --> 00:05:51,311
Though you were
significantly...
160
00:05:51,312 --> 00:05:52,478
Fatter, sir.
161
00:05:52,513 --> 00:05:54,380
They called me
"Terry Titties."
162
00:05:54,381 --> 00:05:57,317
Because I had large, uh...
163
00:05:57,351 --> 00:05:59,052
Titties, yes.
I remember.
164
00:05:59,053 --> 00:06:00,620
I never liked
that nickname.
165
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:02,689
Though to be fair,
it was accurate.
166
00:06:02,723 --> 00:06:04,857
What's this I hear about you
being on administrative leave?
167
00:06:04,892 --> 00:06:09,629
A year ago, my wife and I
had twin baby girls.
168
00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:11,431
Cagney and Lacey.
169
00:06:11,465 --> 00:06:13,266
They have adorable
chubby cheeks.
170
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:16,169
Ever since, I kinda got
scared of getting hurt.
171
00:06:16,203 --> 00:06:18,338
Lost my edge.
172
00:06:18,339 --> 00:06:20,840
There was an incident
in a department store.
173
00:06:20,841 --> 00:06:23,282
Hey, man, you okay?
You look a little jumpy.
174
00:06:23,310 --> 00:06:24,510
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
175
00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:28,715
Ahhh!
176
00:06:31,852 --> 00:06:33,686
I think he's dead.
177
00:06:33,687 --> 00:06:35,822
And I'm still not right.
178
00:06:35,856 --> 00:06:38,057
Tell me about
your Detective squad.
179
00:06:38,092 --> 00:06:40,760
Um...
180
00:06:40,761 --> 00:06:42,895
Well, Scully, Hitchcock,
and Daniels.
181
00:06:42,896 --> 00:06:44,230
They're pretty much
worthless,
182
00:06:44,264 --> 00:06:45,598
but they make good coffee.
183
00:06:45,599 --> 00:06:47,433
Copy that.
184
00:06:47,434 --> 00:06:49,235
Now the good ones.
185
00:06:49,236 --> 00:06:50,403
Rosa Diaz.
186
00:06:50,437 --> 00:06:54,540
Tough, smart, hard to read,
and really scary.
187
00:06:55,909 --> 00:06:57,810
Tell me who has me
for secret santa.
188
00:06:57,845 --> 00:07:01,247
No! That takes all the fun
out of it.
189
00:07:01,281 --> 00:07:03,816
It's Scully.
He got you a scarf.
190
00:07:03,851 --> 00:07:07,387
- I'll make him return it.
- Yes, you will.
191
00:07:07,388 --> 00:07:09,555
Charles Boyle.
He's a grinder.
192
00:07:09,590 --> 00:07:11,190
Not the most brilliant
Detective,
193
00:07:11,191 --> 00:07:12,859
but he works harder
than anyone else.
194
00:07:12,860 --> 00:07:15,752
He's not physically gifted.
195
00:07:17,297 --> 00:07:19,532
Oh, man!
My muffin.
196
00:07:19,533 --> 00:07:21,034
Ahh!
197
00:07:21,035 --> 00:07:23,302
Oh, my head!
My muffin, my head!
198
00:07:23,303 --> 00:07:25,304
And I stepped on the...
On my muffin!
199
00:07:25,305 --> 00:07:26,472
And my head and my muffin.
200
00:07:26,473 --> 00:07:29,509
Amy Santiago.
201
00:07:29,543 --> 00:07:31,244
She's got seven brothers,
202
00:07:31,245 --> 00:07:32,578
so she's always trying
to prove she's tough.
203
00:07:32,579 --> 00:07:34,847
Careful.
That stuff's pretty hot.
204
00:07:34,882 --> 00:07:37,417
Oh, is it? Hmm?
205
00:07:47,661 --> 00:07:49,562
She and Peralta
have some big bet
206
00:07:49,563 --> 00:07:51,230
over who gets
more arrests this year.
207
00:07:51,265 --> 00:07:54,267
Ever since the bet,
their numbers have gone way up.
208
00:07:54,268 --> 00:07:55,802
Tell me about Peralta.
209
00:07:55,836 --> 00:07:58,805
Jacob Peralta
is my best Detective.
210
00:07:58,839 --> 00:08:01,374
He likes putting away bad guys
and he loves solving puzzles.
211
00:08:01,408 --> 00:08:03,743
The only puzzle
he hasn't solved
212
00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:05,878
is how to grow up.
213
00:08:05,913 --> 00:08:08,047
That was very well put.
214
00:08:08,082 --> 00:08:11,317
I've talked a lot about Jake
in my departmentally mandated
215
00:08:11,318 --> 00:08:13,052
therapy sessions.
216
00:08:13,087 --> 00:08:14,754
Look, you know my history.
217
00:08:14,788 --> 00:08:16,155
You know how important
this is to me.
218
00:08:16,156 --> 00:08:17,657
This precinct is doing fine,
219
00:08:17,658 --> 00:08:20,126
but I wanna make it
the best one in Brooklyn.
220
00:08:20,127 --> 00:08:21,227
And I need your help.
221
00:08:21,261 --> 00:08:22,693
Absolutely, sir.
222
00:08:22,696 --> 00:08:25,398
Where do we start?
223
00:08:25,432 --> 00:08:27,907
♪ What is happening?
224
00:08:27,935 --> 00:08:29,534
We start with him.
225
00:08:31,868 --> 00:08:34,436
Okay, so the perp came in
through the window,
226
00:08:34,471 --> 00:08:35,938
left the muddy red footprint,
227
00:08:35,972 --> 00:08:37,806
and apparently had sex
with the dish rack.
228
00:08:37,807 --> 00:08:39,942
Shell casing found here.
Two shots.
229
00:08:39,943 --> 00:08:41,243
Bang, bang.
230
00:08:41,277 --> 00:08:43,112
Great work, Detective.
231
00:08:43,113 --> 00:08:44,713
You get a tie.
232
00:08:44,714 --> 00:08:46,115
Hey, that's mine.
You took it from my desk.
233
00:08:46,116 --> 00:08:47,218
That's right, Charles.
Good solve.
234
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:48,550
- Tie for you.
- Thanks!
235
00:08:48,551 --> 00:08:50,052
Now everyone be sure
to put those on
236
00:08:50,053 --> 00:08:51,453
because it's impossible
to solve crimes
237
00:08:51,454 --> 00:08:54,223
- unless you're wearing a tie.
- Lay off the Captain.
238
00:08:54,224 --> 00:08:55,924
That man is gonna be
my rabbi.
239
00:08:55,959 --> 00:08:57,626
Okay, first of all,
when you use the word "rabbi,"
240
00:08:57,627 --> 00:08:59,128
you know that turns me on
241
00:08:59,129 --> 00:09:00,462
and that's unfair
in the work environment.
242
00:09:00,463 --> 00:09:03,065
Secondly, your rabbi
is a pain in my ass.
243
00:09:03,099 --> 00:09:04,800
Yeah, he's a little
too serious.
244
00:09:04,801 --> 00:09:06,301
- What do you think, Rosa?
- He seems cool.
245
00:09:06,302 --> 00:09:07,936
Yeah, he seems cool.
I agree.
246
00:09:07,971 --> 00:09:10,772
Looks like the perp stole
a computer, a watch,
247
00:09:10,807 --> 00:09:14,443
and a Jamon Iberico ham,
valued at... what!
248
00:09:14,444 --> 00:09:16,011
$6,000.
249
00:09:16,012 --> 00:09:18,013
$6,000 for a ham?
250
00:09:18,014 --> 00:09:21,517
Jamon Iberico is an amazing
cured ham from Spain.
251
00:09:21,518 --> 00:09:23,118
They had it
at my uncle's funeral.
252
00:09:23,119 --> 00:09:25,454
I gorged myself
at that funeral.
253
00:09:25,455 --> 00:09:27,122
I mean, I was constipated
for three days.
254
00:09:27,157 --> 00:09:29,491
Wow, that's a great story,
Charles, thank you.
255
00:09:29,526 --> 00:09:31,326
All right,
listen up, everybody.
256
00:09:31,361 --> 00:09:32,728
Better contact Captain Holt,
257
00:09:32,729 --> 00:09:34,029
let him know
we got a ten-tie situation.
258
00:09:34,030 --> 00:09:36,965
Speaking of ties,
where's yours, meep morp?
259
00:09:36,966 --> 00:09:38,200
This is fantastic.
260
00:09:38,201 --> 00:09:39,868
Captain!
Hey!
261
00:09:39,869 --> 00:09:42,237
Welcome to the murder.
What are you doing here?
262
00:09:42,272 --> 00:09:43,639
I like to know
what my detectives are up to.
263
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,474
- That okay by you?
- Yep.
264
00:09:45,475 --> 00:09:46,942
Take Santiago
and knock on doors.
265
00:09:46,943 --> 00:09:48,343
See if the neighbors
heard anything.
266
00:09:48,344 --> 00:09:49,778
Door duty?
It's a waste of time.
267
00:09:49,779 --> 00:09:51,613
Diaz and Boyle.
Check in the coroner.
268
00:09:51,614 --> 00:09:54,449
Report back to me
in an hour.
269
00:09:54,450 --> 00:09:57,319
- That went well.
- No, it didn't.
270
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,988
He's got like super hearing.
271
00:10:00,023 --> 00:10:01,890
Hey, Rosa!
Rosa. Rosa!
272
00:10:01,891 --> 00:10:05,627
Um, I just happened
to notice
273
00:10:05,628 --> 00:10:07,296
that there's
an old movie festival
274
00:10:07,297 --> 00:10:10,232
playing at the film forum
this week.
275
00:10:10,233 --> 00:10:11,800
Wanna go?
276
00:10:11,834 --> 00:10:13,035
Sure.
277
00:10:13,069 --> 00:10:14,870
Cool! Awesome.
278
00:10:14,904 --> 00:10:16,672
There's a bunch
of movie options.
279
00:10:16,673 --> 00:10:19,875
I'll probably just go
with something classic
280
00:10:19,909 --> 00:10:21,543
like Citizen Kane.
281
00:10:21,544 --> 00:10:23,478
Citizen Kane is terrible.
Pick a good movie.
282
00:10:23,479 --> 00:10:26,014
Good call. Smart.
283
00:10:26,015 --> 00:10:27,516
I'll do it.
284
00:10:27,550 --> 00:10:31,153
I'll pick a better movie
than Citizen Kane.
285
00:10:31,154 --> 00:10:32,854
So Gina...
286
00:10:32,889 --> 00:10:34,890
Civilian administrators
like yourself
287
00:10:34,891 --> 00:10:36,692
often have their ear
to the ground.
288
00:10:36,726 --> 00:10:38,227
What do Santiago and Peralta
289
00:10:38,228 --> 00:10:39,628
have riding
on this bet of theirs?
290
00:10:39,662 --> 00:10:42,231
I will tell you
on six conditions.
291
00:10:42,265 --> 00:10:44,266
Number one, you let me
use your office
292
00:10:44,267 --> 00:10:45,767
to practice my dance moves.
293
00:10:45,768 --> 00:10:46,902
Second...
How about this?
294
00:10:46,936 --> 00:10:48,737
- If you tell me...
- Mm-hmm.
295
00:10:48,738 --> 00:10:50,505
I won't
have you suspended...
296
00:10:50,506 --> 00:10:51,640
Without pay.
297
00:10:51,674 --> 00:10:53,075
Oh, that sounds great.
298
00:10:53,076 --> 00:10:56,044
Okay, the deal is
if Amy gets more arrests,
299
00:10:56,045 --> 00:10:58,013
Jake has to give her
his car.
300
00:10:58,014 --> 00:11:00,282
It's an old Mustang,
and it's pretty sweet.
301
00:11:00,283 --> 00:11:01,950
If he gets more arrests,
302
00:11:01,951 --> 00:11:04,686
she has to go
on a date with him.
303
00:11:04,687 --> 00:11:08,190
He guarantees
it will end in sex.
304
00:11:08,224 --> 00:11:11,226
I bet on at least
some over-the-clothes action.
305
00:11:11,227 --> 00:11:12,894
At the very least,
some touching...
306
00:11:12,929 --> 00:11:14,263
- No, that's enough, Gina.
- Caresses.
307
00:11:14,297 --> 00:11:16,531
I could see him showing up
in a silk robe.
308
00:11:16,566 --> 00:11:17,633
- That's enough, Gina.
- All right.
309
00:11:17,634 --> 00:11:19,101
Thank you.
310
00:11:19,135 --> 00:11:21,536
Let the wasting of time begin.
311
00:11:23,706 --> 00:11:25,207
Hello, sir.
312
00:11:25,208 --> 00:11:26,575
Can we ask you
a few questions?
313
00:11:26,576 --> 00:11:28,310
Definitely.
Yeah.
314
00:11:28,311 --> 00:11:30,245
I'm actually... I'm super glad
you guys are here right now.
315
00:11:30,246 --> 00:11:31,947
Are you smelling
that weed smell?
316
00:11:31,981 --> 00:11:33,081
Yeah.
317
00:11:33,082 --> 00:11:34,082
'Cause a dude broke in,
318
00:11:34,117 --> 00:11:36,051
smoked weed,
and bolted.
319
00:11:36,052 --> 00:11:37,419
It's...
320
00:11:37,453 --> 00:11:38,920
Do you think
it's the same dude
321
00:11:38,921 --> 00:11:40,656
that left that bong there
on the floor?
322
00:11:41,791 --> 00:11:43,225
Yes.
323
00:11:43,259 --> 00:11:46,428
Police!
324
00:11:46,429 --> 00:11:48,597
- Hello.
- Hello.
325
00:11:48,631 --> 00:11:49,731
What's your name?
326
00:11:49,732 --> 00:11:50,999
- My name?
- Mm-hmm.
327
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,801
- Mlepnos.
- Can you spell that, please?
328
00:11:52,802 --> 00:11:57,639
M-l-e-p...
329
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:58,907
Clay.
330
00:11:58,908 --> 00:12:00,075
Did you say "Clay"?
331
00:12:00,076 --> 00:12:01,443
Yes, the "Clay" is silent.
332
00:12:01,477 --> 00:12:03,178
All right, got it.
333
00:12:03,179 --> 00:12:06,615
Have you seen this man before?
He was shot last night.
334
00:12:06,616 --> 00:12:09,351
Oh. Thank you.
335
00:12:09,352 --> 00:12:11,086
No, sir, that's ours.
We need that.
336
00:12:11,087 --> 00:12:13,088
- We...
- And he kept it.
337
00:12:13,089 --> 00:12:14,790
Wall Street journal
on the doormat...
338
00:12:14,824 --> 00:12:16,291
Top floor apartment.
339
00:12:16,292 --> 00:12:18,827
20 bucks says this guy's
like a hot, eligible bachelor.
340
00:12:18,828 --> 00:12:20,095
I'll take that action.
341
00:12:20,096 --> 00:12:23,031
Police! Open up!
342
00:12:23,032 --> 00:12:25,000
Hello.
343
00:12:25,034 --> 00:12:26,601
Oh! Hello, sir!
344
00:12:26,602 --> 00:12:28,003
How are you today?
345
00:12:28,004 --> 00:12:29,638
I am Detective
Right-All-The-Time,
346
00:12:29,639 --> 00:12:32,941
and this is my partner
Detective Terrible Detective.
347
00:12:34,877 --> 00:12:36,345
No surprises from the coroner.
348
00:12:36,346 --> 00:12:38,046
A few gunshots,
shoulder and chest.
349
00:12:38,047 --> 00:12:40,215
None of the neighbors heard
or saw anything.
350
00:12:40,216 --> 00:12:43,452
And what's worse, Santiago
struck out with a 92-year-old.
351
00:12:43,486 --> 00:12:44,786
That is not accurate, sir.
352
00:12:44,821 --> 00:12:46,655
Wait, you hooked up
with him? Ugh!
353
00:12:46,656 --> 00:12:48,457
All right, hit the pawn shops
and canvass the neighborhood.
354
00:12:48,491 --> 00:12:49,891
And while you're out,
you can buy yourself a tie.
355
00:12:49,892 --> 00:12:51,360
Oh, actually, sir...
356
00:12:51,394 --> 00:12:53,328
I'm wearing a tie right now.
357
00:12:53,329 --> 00:12:54,896
Check it out.
358
00:12:54,897 --> 00:12:57,299
Secret tie.
359
00:12:57,333 --> 00:12:58,667
First of all, I think
you're kind of overdoing it
360
00:12:58,668 --> 00:13:00,068
with the manscaping.
361
00:13:00,069 --> 00:13:01,536
But more importantly,
Detective,
362
00:13:01,537 --> 00:13:03,705
why do you refuse to
take my orders seriously?
363
00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,507
Does anyone here know why
it's so important to me
364
00:13:05,541 --> 00:13:08,143
that you all dress
appropriately?
365
00:13:08,144 --> 00:13:10,397
Hmm. Four highly trained
detectives
366
00:13:10,413 --> 00:13:12,748
and not one of you
can solve this simple mystery.
367
00:13:12,749 --> 00:13:15,250
I wanna be briefed
on any new developments.
368
00:13:15,251 --> 00:13:16,685
Any questions?
369
00:13:16,686 --> 00:13:18,019
I was gonna ask you
if you thought I was doing
370
00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:19,521
too much manscaping,
but we solved that one.
371
00:13:19,522 --> 00:13:21,056
So I'm good.
372
00:13:21,057 --> 00:13:22,391
Hey, Boyle.
373
00:13:22,425 --> 00:13:24,159
- Yep.
- What about this fancy ham stuff?
374
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,727
- Jamon Iberico.
- Yes.
375
00:13:25,762 --> 00:13:27,162
The perp left
a really expensive TV
376
00:13:27,163 --> 00:13:29,564
but then stole ham?
It doesn't make sense.
377
00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:32,067
Is there a place nearby
the crime scene that sells it?
378
00:13:32,068 --> 00:13:34,035
- Beneficio's might.
- Let's go.
379
00:13:34,036 --> 00:13:35,537
You gotta brief
the C.O. first.
380
00:13:35,538 --> 00:13:38,440
We'll brief him
after we catch the guy.
381
00:13:40,576 --> 00:13:42,577
My name is Ratko.
I don't know anything.
382
00:13:42,578 --> 00:13:44,079
Oh, okay.
383
00:13:44,113 --> 00:13:45,447
You recognize this guy?
384
00:13:45,448 --> 00:13:48,850
- Henry Morgenthau?
- No.
385
00:13:48,851 --> 00:13:51,420
Maybe actually look
at the picture.
386
00:13:51,454 --> 00:13:53,455
I don't know him.
I don't know what happened.
387
00:13:53,456 --> 00:13:55,056
No more questions.
388
00:13:55,057 --> 00:13:56,858
Well, why don't I run
a scenario past you, Ratko,
389
00:13:56,859 --> 00:13:58,193
and you tell me
what you think?
390
00:13:58,227 --> 00:13:59,594
You do know Morgenthau.
391
00:13:59,629 --> 00:14:00,862
He came in here and tried
to sell you some hams.
392
00:14:00,863 --> 00:14:02,063
You knew they were worth
a lotta money,
393
00:14:02,064 --> 00:14:03,198
so you tried to steal them
from him
394
00:14:03,199 --> 00:14:04,366
when he wasn't home.
395
00:14:04,367 --> 00:14:05,567
Only he was home,
so you shot him.
396
00:14:05,601 --> 00:14:07,636
Does that sound familiar?
397
00:14:07,637 --> 00:14:09,237
Uh, maybe some role play
will jog your memory?
398
00:14:09,238 --> 00:14:10,405
- Great idea.
- Okay, yeah.
399
00:14:10,406 --> 00:14:11,440
Okay.
400
00:14:11,441 --> 00:14:13,909
- So I'm... I'm Ratko.
- No, no, I'm Ratko.
401
00:14:13,910 --> 00:14:15,477
Come on.
I'm always the victim.
402
00:14:15,478 --> 00:14:17,112
Look, I'm doing this
with you right here.
403
00:14:17,146 --> 00:14:18,280
Fine, fine.
404
00:14:18,314 --> 00:14:20,115
Oh! I'm Henry Morgenthau,
405
00:14:20,116 --> 00:14:22,751
owner of delicious
and expensive hams.
406
00:14:22,752 --> 00:14:24,252
Don't I know you
from the grocery store?
407
00:14:24,253 --> 00:14:26,488
Kill!
And scene.
408
00:14:28,291 --> 00:14:30,792
NYPD! Everyone down!
409
00:14:30,827 --> 00:14:32,260
Ma'am, if you could
just get down,
410
00:14:32,261 --> 00:14:34,062
or... ignore me
and continue shopping.
411
00:14:34,063 --> 00:14:36,598
Boyle, get the door!
On it!
412
00:14:36,632 --> 00:14:39,334
Ratko!
413
00:14:41,137 --> 00:14:42,671
Oh!
414
00:14:43,573 --> 00:14:45,807
Ow!
415
00:14:47,410 --> 00:14:49,478
Ha ha ha!
416
00:14:54,150 --> 00:14:55,383
Ow, Ratko, ow!
417
00:14:55,418 --> 00:14:56,618
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Ratko!
418
00:14:56,619 --> 00:14:57,686
I'm getting mad!
419
00:14:57,687 --> 00:14:59,221
That's a waste of manchego!
420
00:14:59,255 --> 00:15:00,589
Charles!
421
00:15:03,626 --> 00:15:06,094
How are you still here?
Jake!
422
00:15:06,128 --> 00:15:07,629
Little help!
423
00:15:07,630 --> 00:15:09,564
Ratko! He's not going
anywhere, Jake!
424
00:15:09,599 --> 00:15:10,932
Ratko!
425
00:15:10,933 --> 00:15:12,434
I got him! I got him!
426
00:15:12,435 --> 00:15:15,704
Don't worry!
427
00:15:15,705 --> 00:15:18,607
So no, I did not brief you.
428
00:15:18,608 --> 00:15:20,375
And yes, he did get away.
429
00:15:20,376 --> 00:15:23,345
But some bonus good news...
430
00:15:23,346 --> 00:15:25,614
I got you hazelnut.
431
00:15:25,648 --> 00:15:27,949
And...
432
00:15:27,950 --> 00:15:30,952
A little spoon
there for you.
433
00:15:33,163 --> 00:15:34,567
Is he seriously
assigning me
434
00:15:34,568 --> 00:15:36,069
to the records room?
435
00:15:36,070 --> 00:15:37,904
I mean, why do we even have
a records room?
436
00:15:37,905 --> 00:15:39,405
Computer's been invented, right?
I didn't dream it?
437
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:40,840
You're lucky, man.
438
00:15:40,841 --> 00:15:43,343
I wish I could get
assigned here full-time.
439
00:15:43,344 --> 00:15:47,046
You could not be farther
from the action.
440
00:15:47,081 --> 00:15:49,248
Sergeant, you know me.
I have more arrests than anyone.
441
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,817
Will you please tell the Captain
how dumb it is
442
00:15:50,818 --> 00:15:52,893
to lock his best Detective
in a file cabinet?
443
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,987
Second best.
You're wrong about Holt.
444
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,389
That man has forgotten more
about being a cop
445
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:58,558
than you will ever know.
446
00:15:58,559 --> 00:16:01,894
In 1981, he caught
the disco strangler.
447
00:16:03,931 --> 00:16:05,498
It's over, disco man!
448
00:16:05,499 --> 00:16:08,401
Put down the yo-yo
and back away from the girl.
449
00:16:10,604 --> 00:16:12,004
Wow.
450
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:15,341
The man is the real deal.
You need to listen to him.
451
00:16:15,376 --> 00:16:17,009
Gonna be hard to win our bet
452
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:18,778
when you're
on the bench, Peralta.
453
00:16:18,779 --> 00:16:22,181
Although I did start
a new category.
454
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,816
"Murderers we let go."
455
00:16:23,851 --> 00:16:25,251
And look at that.
456
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:27,987
You're winning.
457
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:29,555
Have fun with your files.
458
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,023
Yeah, you know what,
I will have fun with my files.
459
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:34,694
Have fun with your face!
460
00:16:34,695 --> 00:16:36,429
Slam!
461
00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,231
That was a slam.
462
00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:43,202
So what movie did you
get us tickets to?
463
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,637
Oh, well,
just to be safe,
464
00:16:44,638 --> 00:16:46,939
I bought tickets
to all of them.
465
00:16:46,974 --> 00:16:48,775
Just to be safe?
What does that mean?
466
00:16:48,809 --> 00:16:51,544
I don't know,
I didn't wanna mess up.
467
00:16:51,545 --> 00:16:54,280
Because you're sort of...
Opinionated.
468
00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:56,416
You think I'm opinionated?
Okay, here's an opinion for you.
469
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:58,117
You're a bad judge
of character
470
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,253
and your shirt
looks like vomit.
471
00:17:00,254 --> 00:17:02,522
So we can go see
North by Northwest.
472
00:17:02,556 --> 00:17:03,689
We're not seeing
a movie together.
473
00:17:03,724 --> 00:17:05,191
Good call.
Smart.
474
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:06,492
Keep it profesh.
475
00:17:17,571 --> 00:17:19,305
- Hey, Captain.
- So you found something?
476
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:20,940
Hey, I like the tie.
477
00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:23,342
If you can't beat 'em,
join 'em.
478
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:24,911
Anyway, I think
I got something good here.
479
00:17:24,912 --> 00:17:26,913
Turns out the name "Ratko"
is made up.
480
00:17:26,914 --> 00:17:28,514
But I was digging
through these files...
481
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:31,083
One of which I literally
found in a spider web...
482
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:32,618
And it turns out there were
a bunch of references
483
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,086
to a serbian thug,
484
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:35,922
street names "the rat"
and "the butcher,"
485
00:17:35,956 --> 00:17:37,990
who's known to hang out
at a storage unit
486
00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:41,027
near Boerum Park,
which has red soil,
487
00:17:41,028 --> 00:17:44,897
hence, the muddy red footprint
on Morgenthau's counter.
488
00:17:44,932 --> 00:17:47,508
That's fine work,
Detective.
489
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,435
Thank you very much, sir.
490
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,137
Testament to what
can be achieved
491
00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:53,840
when you dress appropriately.
492
00:17:53,841 --> 00:17:55,842
Let's pound it out.
493
00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:02,048
You know what,
such fine police work,
494
00:18:02,049 --> 00:18:04,083
let's share it
with the whole team.
495
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:06,619
Santiago! Boyle! Diaz!
Get in here!
496
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,321
Bring everyone!
And a camera!
497
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:11,709
That's not necessary.
Oh, they're here!
498
00:18:11,710 --> 00:18:14,360
Of the fine master Detective,
Jake Peralta.
499
00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:15,394
Yeah, let's have a hand,
everyone.
500
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,697
- Give him a hand.
- Yeah, nice!
501
00:18:19,066 --> 00:18:20,166
Looking good!
502
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,634
Yeah.
Thank you.
503
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:23,569
No record of Ratko on the ledger.
504
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:25,104
Must've used cash.
505
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:26,973
Well, I, for one,
am just pumped
506
00:18:26,974 --> 00:18:28,875
to be on a stakeout
with you, Captain.
507
00:18:28,876 --> 00:18:31,143
You know what my favorite thing
about stakeouts is?
508
00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:33,546
Patrol guide says
"no dress code."
509
00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:37,083
So I'm just the zip-up hoodie
and my two best friends.
510
00:18:37,084 --> 00:18:38,718
Does he always
talk this much?
511
00:18:38,719 --> 00:18:40,152
I just tune it out.
512
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:41,621
It's like
a white noise machine.
513
00:18:41,655 --> 00:18:43,723
Okay, first of all,
that's racist.
514
00:18:43,757 --> 00:18:45,558
Secondly, Captain,
515
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:47,994
Terry told me
you caught the disco strangler.
516
00:18:47,995 --> 00:18:50,563
That's incredible.
I've read that case.
517
00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:52,398
With all due respect, sir,
518
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:55,268
why'd it take you so long
to get your first command?
519
00:18:55,269 --> 00:18:56,569
Because I'm gay.
520
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:59,505
Ah.
521
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,440
Seriously?
522
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,075
I'm surprised
you didn't know.
523
00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:06,345
I don't try to hide it.
524
00:19:10,884 --> 00:19:14,620
Did anyone else get
a little bit of a gay vibe?
525
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:18,324
Manscaping.
526
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,626
Damn!
527
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:23,362
I am not a good Detective.
528
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,231
Here.
529
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:26,732
I feel bad that you spent all
that money on the movie tickets.
530
00:19:26,767 --> 00:19:27,967
Why don't you just go
to the movies with me?
531
00:19:27,968 --> 00:19:30,202
Nope.
532
00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:33,873
Okay.
533
00:19:33,874 --> 00:19:35,608
Well, this is awkward.
534
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:37,410
It's not awkward.
535
00:19:37,411 --> 00:19:39,045
I like your company.
536
00:19:39,079 --> 00:19:43,382
You're sweet.
537
00:19:43,417 --> 00:19:44,884
When did you come out?
538
00:19:44,885 --> 00:19:46,586
About 25 years ago.
539
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:50,756
The NYPD was not ready
for an openly gay Detective.
540
00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,658
But then the old guard
died out.
541
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,894
Suddenly, they couldn't wait
to show off the fact
542
00:19:54,895 --> 00:19:57,029
that they had a highly ranking
gay officer.
543
00:19:57,064 --> 00:19:58,564
I made Captain.
544
00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:01,634
But they put me
in a public affairs unit.
545
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,769
I was a good soldier.
I helped recruitment.
546
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:07,807
But all I ever really wanted
was my own command.
547
00:20:07,808 --> 00:20:10,743
And now I finally got it.
548
00:20:10,744 --> 00:20:13,379
And I'm not gonna
screw it up.
549
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:16,115
Captain, I'm sorry.
I...
550
00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:18,250
I feel like a jackass.
551
00:20:21,622 --> 00:20:24,390
But on the flip side,
there's Ratko.
552
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,759
Humility over.
I'm amazing!
553
00:20:32,450 --> 00:20:34,841
Fantastic.
3,000 identical blue doors.
554
00:20:34,868 --> 00:20:36,959
Looks like we all
got door duty.
555
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,205
Ah, yeah.
From before.
556
00:20:39,206 --> 00:20:42,991
Good one.
You look great.
557
00:20:44,715 --> 00:20:46,379
Clear.
558
00:20:50,822 --> 00:20:52,718
Clear.
559
00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:04,864
Okay.
560
00:21:04,898 --> 00:21:06,265
Unbelievable!
561
00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:07,967
Un-believable!
562
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:19,612
Ah.
563
00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:21,514
Ratko, great to see you.
564
00:21:21,548 --> 00:21:23,816
You can't stop me.
565
00:21:23,817 --> 00:21:25,217
I'm going.
566
00:21:25,252 --> 00:21:28,421
Actually,
you're not going anywhere.
567
00:21:28,422 --> 00:21:30,156
'Cause if you take a look
to your left,
568
00:21:30,157 --> 00:21:33,125
you'll see Detective's
Boyle and Diaz.
569
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,895
Right there
is Detective Santiago.
570
00:21:35,929 --> 00:21:37,997
And behind you
is Captain Holt.
571
00:21:37,998 --> 00:21:40,566
Point is...
My team has you surrounded.
572
00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:42,802
Oh, my God,
I just got the tie thing!
573
00:21:42,836 --> 00:21:44,770
Captain,
I just figured it out.
574
00:21:44,805 --> 00:21:46,972
Maybe now's not
the best time, Detective.
575
00:21:47,007 --> 00:21:48,507
It's a uniform!
576
00:21:48,508 --> 00:21:50,609
We're a team,
and the tie is a part
577
00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:52,411
of that team's uniform,
right?
578
00:21:52,446 --> 00:21:53,679
You ask Ratko what team?
579
00:21:53,714 --> 00:21:54,847
No, Ratko, shut up.
580
00:21:54,848 --> 00:21:56,248
It's important to you
581
00:21:56,249 --> 00:21:57,550
because you were kept
off the team for so long.
582
00:21:57,551 --> 00:21:58,918
And now you're the coach,
583
00:21:58,919 --> 00:22:01,454
and you want us to
all wear that same uniform.
584
00:22:01,455 --> 00:22:02,888
Boom! Nailed it!
585
00:22:02,889 --> 00:22:05,791
Yes, you did.
Now just arrest Ratko.
586
00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:07,727
All right, Ratko, down.
Drop the weapon.
587
00:22:07,728 --> 00:22:10,763
Hands on your head.
Here we go.
588
00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:12,765
- Hey!
- He's running!
589
00:22:12,799 --> 00:22:14,400
Oh!
Got him!
590
00:22:14,401 --> 00:22:16,202
Hands behind your back!
Hands behind your back!
591
00:22:16,203 --> 00:22:17,737
Stay down.
592
00:22:17,738 --> 00:22:20,039
That's how we do it
in the nine-nine, sir.
593
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,608
Catch bad guys
and look good doing it.
594
00:22:24,223 --> 00:22:25,413
What's wrong with you?
595
00:22:25,414 --> 00:22:27,289
Never took off the speedo.
Big mistake.
596
00:22:27,290 --> 00:22:29,859
It is inside me.
Great work, team!
597
00:22:33,381 --> 00:22:36,459
Sync & corrections by dzimu_kairu
42142
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