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1
00:00:02,813 --> 00:00:05,265
[ship thrusters humming]
2
00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:10,540
MALORY: [sighs] Well,
this is another fine mess.
3
00:00:10,628 --> 00:00:12,106
Thanks to your idiot son.
4
00:00:12,194 --> 00:00:13,946
You're as much
to blame as he is.
5
00:00:14,034 --> 00:00:15,209
Wha... How?
6
00:00:15,297 --> 00:00:16,777
- Exactly.
- Wait, what?
7
00:00:16,865 --> 00:00:18,671
- You heard her!
- Don't yell at her!
8
00:00:18,759 --> 00:00:20,626
- Don't yell at her!
- Don't yell at him!
9
00:00:20,714 --> 00:00:22,078
- What are you doing?
- I don't know!
10
00:00:22,165 --> 00:00:23,009
Guys, come on!
11
00:00:23,138 --> 00:00:25,206
I think we could all
benefit from not yelling!
12
00:00:25,294 --> 00:00:27,788
The only thing
you'd benefit from is an EMP.
13
00:00:27,876 --> 00:00:30,618
[gasps]
Not even as a joke.
14
00:00:30,706 --> 00:00:32,352
BARRY:
Do I look like I'm joking?
15
00:00:32,454 --> 00:00:34,655
I mean, honestly,
it's hard to tell with you,
16
00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:36,796
what with that robot face.
17
00:00:36,884 --> 00:00:38,830
[laughs]
Well, I'm not joking.
18
00:00:38,917 --> 00:00:40,048
I actually
didn't think you were.
19
00:00:40,135 --> 00:00:43,032
Because, meatbag,
I don't think it's funny
20
00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:45,118
when people steal from me.
21
00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:46,835
What...
Is that what this is about?
22
00:00:46,923 --> 00:00:48,274
What'd you think it was about?
23
00:00:48,361 --> 00:00:51,155
Again, hard to tell with you
because of your...
24
00:00:51,243 --> 00:00:53,438
Say "robot face" again,
shitlick.
25
00:00:53,652 --> 00:00:55,132
- Delivery?
- Oh.
26
00:00:55,234 --> 00:00:57,105
You're gonna talk to me
about delivery,
27
00:00:57,229 --> 00:00:58,885
after you stole my cargo?
28
00:00:58,996 --> 00:01:00,859
I didn't steal it.
I still have it.
29
00:01:00,947 --> 00:01:03,108
- You... Where is it?
- On the Seamus.
30
00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:05,635
I was bringing it to you.
Why do you think I'm here?
31
00:01:05,723 --> 00:01:07,858
Wha... Because I captured you?
32
00:01:07,946 --> 00:01:09,838
- Potato, pobobot.
- What?
33
00:01:09,926 --> 00:01:12,297
Look, let me go back to
the ship, I'll get the thing,
34
00:01:12,385 --> 00:01:15,133
bring it back here,
and everything's space-jake.
35
00:01:15,221 --> 00:01:16,727
- Wow.
- Yeah.
36
00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:18,434
You must think
I'm pretty stupid.
37
00:01:18,521 --> 00:01:20,635
- Eh.
- How 'bout you tell me where it is?
38
00:01:20,723 --> 00:01:22,518
- In the safe.
- Let me finish.
39
00:01:22,613 --> 00:01:24,674
I send a couple of my guys
to go get it, and...
40
00:01:24,762 --> 00:01:27,735
- [soft chuckle] Well, send a couple
you don't like, - Let me...
41
00:01:27,823 --> 00:01:29,875
because if they punch in
the wrong combination,
42
00:01:29,963 --> 00:01:32,791
they're gonna be eatinga
20-kiloton burrito for lunch.
43
00:01:32,879 --> 00:01:35,375
- Huh? - Huh?
- It's got a nuclear self-destruct.
44
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:38,542
Okay, so then how 'bout you
tell me the right combination?
45
00:01:38,629 --> 00:01:40,409
Well, because
I feel like if I did,
46
00:01:40,497 --> 00:01:43,630
I'd no longer be negotiating
from a position of power.
47
00:01:43,718 --> 00:01:45,784
You think you're in
a position of power?
48
00:01:46,385 --> 00:01:47,571
Eh...
49
00:01:47,659 --> 00:01:49,987
M'kay. Well, I'm gonna
go do this thing with...
50
00:01:50,075 --> 00:01:52,141
well, to
your friends.
51
00:01:52,229 --> 00:01:53,078
Tell 'em hey.
52
00:01:53,165 --> 00:01:54,340
And I'm while I'm gone,
53
00:01:54,427 --> 00:01:56,674
I'd really like you
to give some thought to
54
00:01:56,762 --> 00:01:57,822
telling me the combination.
55
00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,867
I feel like
I have thought about it.
56
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,087
Well, but you haven't
met my buddy...
57
00:02:02,174 --> 00:02:04,385
[heavy mechanical clunking]
58
00:02:08,784 --> 00:02:09,877
Funbeak.
59
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:12,053
[screeches]
60
00:02:12,140 --> 00:02:13,664
Jesus Hannibal Christ.
61
00:02:13,751 --> 00:02:15,190
Right?
[chuckles]
62
00:02:15,278 --> 00:02:16,671
Say hello, Funbeak.
63
00:02:16,766 --> 00:02:18,146
[voice glitching]:
Hello, Fun-un-unbeak.
64
00:02:18,233 --> 00:02:20,453
- [screeches]
- [chuckles]
65
00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:21,759
You kook.
66
00:02:21,846 --> 00:02:23,463
[electricity clicking]
67
00:02:23,590 --> 00:02:25,592
Archer theme playing...
68
00:02:54,094 --> 00:02:56,041
*ARCHER (2009)*
Season 10 Episode 02
69
00:02:56,182 --> 00:02:58,159
♪ARCHER (2009)♪
Episode Title : "1999: Happy Borthday"
70
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,446
Okay, I'm looking around
and I'm seeing
71
00:03:07,534 --> 00:03:08,870
some pretty mopey faces.
72
00:03:08,958 --> 00:03:11,102
Yeah, 'cause you're
selling us into slavery
73
00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:12,291
down in the spek mines.
74
00:03:12,379 --> 00:03:14,947
- Wait, what?
- Well, not all of you.
75
00:03:15,035 --> 00:03:16,732
- Come again?
- PAM: Space phrasing.
76
00:03:16,889 --> 00:03:18,291
Well, thanks to your buddy Bort,
77
00:03:18,379 --> 00:03:20,294
one of you
has a chance to go free.
78
00:03:20,382 --> 00:03:22,416
And, hell, I'll even
throw in your ship.
79
00:03:22,504 --> 00:03:23,482
- Come on.
- Uh... -That is our ship.
80
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,027
First of all, that's my ship.
81
00:03:25,115 --> 00:03:26,791
- Halfyours.
- Shut up. And...
82
00:03:26,879 --> 00:03:28,737
And who knows?
Maybe you'll win it back.
83
00:03:28,825 --> 00:03:30,740
- Win it back how?
- Oh, man.
84
00:03:30,909 --> 00:03:32,948
I was hoping you'd ask that,
85
00:03:33,102 --> 00:03:36,758
because this sets up
my big reveal.
86
00:03:36,846 --> 00:03:39,851
- [♪♪] Bum-bum-baa![♪♪] Ta-da!
- [door whooshes open]
87
00:03:39,939 --> 00:03:40,650
PAM: Ah!
88
00:03:40,738 --> 00:03:42,345
- LANA: Jesus Space Christ.
- CYRIL: Uh... okay.
89
00:03:42,432 --> 00:03:43,916
[crowd cheering]
90
00:03:44,003 --> 00:03:46,331
[♪♪]
91
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,151
[roars]
92
00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:52,102
[grunting]
93
00:04:07,244 --> 00:04:08,839
PAM:
Holy shit!
94
00:04:08,927 --> 00:04:11,085
It's that dickhead Bort.
95
00:04:12,273 --> 00:04:14,033
Hey. Hey, guys.
96
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,046
Whoever doesn't die,
let's hang out after.
97
00:04:19,757 --> 00:04:20,910
[crowd exclaims]
98
00:04:20,997 --> 00:04:22,172
[grunts]
99
00:04:28,482 --> 00:04:30,484
[crowd cheering]
100
00:04:32,182 --> 00:04:34,053
[chuckles]
Pretty sweet reveal, huh?
101
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:36,393
Gladiator fights?
Are you serious?
102
00:04:36,481 --> 00:04:38,057
Maybe it is my delivery.
103
00:04:38,144 --> 00:04:40,870
Yeah, Bort rented y'all
for his birthday party.
104
00:04:40,958 --> 00:04:42,776
- Rented?
- Unless you die.
105
00:04:42,975 --> 00:04:44,190
Well, then he's buying you.
106
00:04:44,278 --> 00:04:46,019
Wait, have we
done this before?
107
00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:48,057
- Somebody has.
- Right? [soft laugh]
108
00:04:48,145 --> 00:04:49,803
Doesn't matter.
Okay, so
109
00:04:49,891 --> 00:04:52,415
while I go check in
on Archer's torture sesh,
110
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,096
y'all decide
who's gonna fight who.
111
00:04:54,184 --> 00:04:55,620
Actually, it's "whom."
112
00:04:55,708 --> 00:04:57,284
I said "whom."
113
00:04:57,732 --> 00:04:59,342
Or not.
I don't know.
114
00:04:59,656 --> 00:05:01,180
Bee-boo-boop.
115
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:03,698
Hey, what do you guys
think about my delivery?
116
00:05:04,078 --> 00:05:05,909
Well, now what
are we supposed to do?
117
00:05:05,998 --> 00:05:07,855
I guess we got topick
somebody to fight against.
118
00:05:07,942 --> 00:05:09,988
Aw, man, I can't fight you guys.
119
00:05:10,094 --> 00:05:11,291
I literally can't.
120
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:12,948
According to
the First Law of Robotics,
121
00:05:13,036 --> 00:05:14,971
I'm not allowed
to harm a human being.
122
00:05:15,059 --> 00:05:17,057
- I pick Krieger.
- Wha... No way!
123
00:05:17,106 --> 00:05:18,440
- Yes way.
- Cyril.
124
00:05:18,528 --> 00:05:20,385
Shut your fat mouth!
I get Krieger!
125
00:05:20,473 --> 00:05:22,214
- Excuse me?
- I...
126
00:05:22,362 --> 00:05:24,887
No, I mean, come on.
I called dibs.
127
00:05:24,974 --> 00:05:27,280
- Well then, I get Ms. Archer.
- Aw, man.
128
00:05:27,367 --> 00:05:29,745
Well, as much as I'd like
to see you idiots
129
00:05:29,833 --> 00:05:31,835
stomp each other's heads in...
130
00:05:33,317 --> 00:05:36,026
- Perhaps another time.
- Ho-ho.
131
00:05:36,159 --> 00:05:37,993
Where the hell
do you think you're going?
132
00:05:38,081 --> 00:05:40,612
To rescue Sterling
and get off this rock.
133
00:05:40,772 --> 00:05:43,296
Plus, there has to be
a bar around here.
134
00:05:43,383 --> 00:05:44,689
Oh, no you don't.
135
00:05:44,776 --> 00:05:46,038
- Whoop!
- Ow!
136
00:05:46,125 --> 00:05:47,605
- [singsongy]: Toodles.
- [laughing]
137
00:05:47,692 --> 00:05:50,782
- Okay, I pick you.
- Bring it.
138
00:05:50,869 --> 00:05:53,045
Oh, I will.
I'm bringing extra.
139
00:05:53,132 --> 00:05:55,393
So, Cheryl and Lana,
Cyril and me,
140
00:05:55,481 --> 00:05:57,354
and where does that
leave Pam?
141
00:05:57,484 --> 00:06:00,260
As the loneliest gal
at the Monsters' Ball.
142
00:06:00,348 --> 00:06:01,956
- [chuckles]
- [laughs]: Ooh!
143
00:06:02,044 --> 00:06:04,186
[clears throat]
Krieger, want to swap with me?
144
00:06:04,274 --> 00:06:05,674
- Yep, yep, yep.
- Wait, what?
145
00:06:05,762 --> 00:06:08,738
[chuckles] Oh, man,
this is gonna be so gross.
146
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,072
[soft whimper]
What is?
147
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,641
Cleaning your nuts out
148
00:06:11,729 --> 00:06:13,502
- from between my toes.
- BOTH: Ew.
149
00:06:13,596 --> 00:06:15,153
- [gulps]
- Yeah.
150
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:17,063
You better gulp nervously.
151
00:06:17,151 --> 00:06:18,288
Lana, do something.
152
00:06:18,375 --> 00:06:20,206
Okay, okay.
153
00:06:20,294 --> 00:06:21,327
Me and Carol,
154
00:06:21,454 --> 00:06:22,847
- Cyril and Krieger...
- Yes.
155
00:06:22,935 --> 00:06:25,633
Then those two winners fight,
and then I guess
156
00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:27,297
Pam gets that winner.
157
00:06:27,384 --> 00:06:29,603
Aw.
We're all winners in my book.
158
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,916
And I guess just try
to make your fights look real,
159
00:06:32,022 --> 00:06:33,285
and maybe that'll
buy us some time
160
00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:35,238
to come up with a planto
get out of this crazy place.
161
00:06:35,325 --> 00:06:36,791
[Archer screaming]
162
00:06:36,879 --> 00:06:39,120
[gasps]
That's Sterling.
163
00:06:39,396 --> 00:06:41,964
Come on, already!
What are you, hourly?
164
00:06:42,051 --> 00:06:44,104
- [ice clinking]
- I am, actually.
165
00:06:44,192 --> 00:06:47,596
[screaming]
166
00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:50,353
[panting]
167
00:06:50,755 --> 00:06:53,229
Please don't do tha...
[screaming]
168
00:06:53,932 --> 00:06:55,659
[panting]
Please.
169
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,260
I can't take any more.
170
00:06:57,348 --> 00:06:59,594
But Funbeak
has so much more to give.
171
00:06:59,682 --> 00:07:01,578
- [grunts]
- That was a joke.
172
00:07:01,666 --> 00:07:03,855
Ha ha ha ha ha.
173
00:07:03,942 --> 00:07:05,940
Listen, listen... listen to me.
174
00:07:06,028 --> 00:07:09,143
You guys seriously
have to work on your delivery.
175
00:07:09,676 --> 00:07:11,993
Funbeak will try again.
Did you hear the one
176
00:07:12,081 --> 00:07:14,166
about the human with no penis?
177
00:07:14,315 --> 00:07:15,409
No.
178
00:07:15,497 --> 00:07:17,635
Wait. Hang on.
Funbeak messed it up.
179
00:07:17,723 --> 00:07:20,827
Uh... hang on.
Uh... o-okay.
180
00:07:20,915 --> 00:07:22,909
- So...
- [electrical sputtering]
181
00:07:23,048 --> 00:07:25,050
[glass shatters]
182
00:07:27,684 --> 00:07:29,228
- Duh.
- FUNBEAK: Hey.
183
00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:32,231
- Mother?
- Sterling. Are you all right?
184
00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:33,580
[soft chuckle]
I'm not great.
185
00:07:33,667 --> 00:07:35,598
Who are you
and what are you doing?
186
00:07:35,686 --> 00:07:39,457
Well, I was drinking
a surprisingly good martini,
187
00:07:39,586 --> 00:07:41,392
but now it seems
I'll have to settle for
188
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:45,207
whipping the ass off
of some robot cereal mascot.
189
00:07:45,295 --> 00:07:47,210
Funbeak will...
190
00:07:47,298 --> 00:07:49,300
destroy you.
191
00:07:49,466 --> 00:07:51,455
[screeches]
192
00:07:51,543 --> 00:07:53,504
Bring it, bird.
193
00:07:53,592 --> 00:07:55,115
[screeches]
194
00:07:56,821 --> 00:07:58,388
[laughs]
Holy shit.
195
00:07:58,475 --> 00:08:00,956
This is literally
a dream come true.
196
00:08:01,366 --> 00:08:03,262
Which, unfortunately,
197
00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:05,311
turns super sexual.
198
00:08:14,833 --> 00:08:16,052
[screeches]
199
00:08:16,140 --> 00:08:17,881
ARCHER:
Will you quit screwing around?
200
00:08:18,092 --> 00:08:19,866
MALORY'S VOICE:
Oh, you're just jealous.
201
00:08:19,954 --> 00:08:22,061
That you zapped yourself
into the CPU
202
00:08:22,189 --> 00:08:23,694
of the world's ugliest bird?
203
00:08:23,782 --> 00:08:25,655
You're crazy.
I'm gorgeous.
204
00:08:25,743 --> 00:08:27,054
- Will you...
- [door whooshes open]
205
00:08:27,141 --> 00:08:29,850
- How we doing, gang?
- Oh, um, uh...
206
00:08:29,938 --> 00:08:31,789
[robotic voice]: Subject
is still uncooperative.
207
00:08:31,876 --> 00:08:33,741
Well, are you zapping
his dick like I told you?
208
00:08:33,829 --> 00:08:34,991
- Yes.
- All right.
209
00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:36,749
- Let me see.
- As you wish.
210
00:08:36,873 --> 00:08:38,049
Whoa, whoa, wait,
no, no, no, no, no, no...
211
00:08:38,136 --> 00:08:40,606
- [screaming]
- [whoops] Yeah.
212
00:08:40,694 --> 00:08:42,514
[chuckles]
How 'bout it, bud?
213
00:08:42,675 --> 00:08:45,113
Ready to tell me
the combination to the safe?
214
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,835
[panting]
No.
215
00:08:47,923 --> 00:08:49,838
All right.
Well, I'm gonna go
216
00:08:49,926 --> 00:08:52,444
watch his nutwipe buddies
try to kill each other, so...
217
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,533
Wait, wait, wait.
What?
218
00:08:53,621 --> 00:08:55,536
Yeah, gladiator fights.
219
00:08:55,624 --> 00:08:58,589
Okay, Funbeak, keep it upwith
the ol' weenie roast here.
220
00:08:58,677 --> 00:09:01,967
Weenie roast...
That is a good one. LOL.
221
00:09:02,070 --> 00:09:03,419
It was good.
222
00:09:03,617 --> 00:09:05,053
And my delivery's fine.
223
00:09:05,141 --> 00:09:06,420
[door whooshes open]
224
00:09:06,508 --> 00:09:07,402
[door clanks shut]
225
00:09:07,490 --> 00:09:09,358
Okay, now cut me out of here.
226
00:09:09,446 --> 00:09:10,914
[normal voice]: First tell
me what's in the safe.
227
00:09:11,001 --> 00:09:12,441
In the what? Nothing.
What are you...
228
00:09:12,544 --> 00:09:14,694
I was just trying
to buy some time.
229
00:09:15,460 --> 00:09:16,889
Uh-huh.
230
00:09:16,977 --> 00:09:19,196
Now let's go find the shuttle
231
00:09:19,284 --> 00:09:20,523
and get the hell
out of this dump.
232
00:09:20,610 --> 00:09:22,350
Whoa, wait,
what about the others?
233
00:09:22,466 --> 00:09:25,264
Oh... they'll be fine.
234
00:09:25,352 --> 00:09:27,030
Aah!
235
00:09:27,118 --> 00:09:29,033
Cyril, no, no, no, no, no!
236
00:09:29,387 --> 00:09:31,356
ALL:
Holy shit.
237
00:09:31,444 --> 00:09:32,481
Ooh.
238
00:09:32,569 --> 00:09:35,528
More like Isaac Assholimov,
am I right?
239
00:09:35,782 --> 00:09:37,575
I'm right.
240
00:09:39,151 --> 00:09:42,111
Oh, man. He's cut in half
and still talking smack.
241
00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:44,107
Give it up for him.
242
00:09:44,445 --> 00:09:46,273
- [crowd boos]
- Hey, shut up.
243
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,760
- Whose birthday is it?
- [crowd cheers]
244
00:09:48,848 --> 00:09:50,545
Bort's, exactly.
245
00:09:50,727 --> 00:09:53,516
Okay, put your hands,
tentacles, or cloacas together
246
00:09:53,604 --> 00:09:57,096
for our next contestants,
a couple of furious females,
247
00:09:57,184 --> 00:10:00,013
Carol and Lana!
248
00:10:00,101 --> 00:10:01,668
[cheering]
249
00:10:01,756 --> 00:10:02,947
- What'd I miss?
- Oh, man.
250
00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:04,300
That one dude
cut that other dude...
251
00:10:04,387 --> 00:10:06,171
Look at me...
Literally in half.
252
00:10:06,259 --> 00:10:08,666
[chuckles]
Sweet.
253
00:10:08,754 --> 00:10:10,887
[♪♪]
254
00:10:10,940 --> 00:10:11,854
Good luck out there.
255
00:10:11,941 --> 00:10:13,377
Yeah.
She's gonna need it.
256
00:10:13,464 --> 00:10:15,617
- Wait, what?
- KRIEGER: Come on, man.
257
00:10:15,705 --> 00:10:17,971
You're spilling
all my robot milk.
258
00:10:23,572 --> 00:10:25,322
Mother, there's
way too many guards.
259
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:26,564
We need to go get the others.
260
00:10:26,651 --> 00:10:28,131
What we need
is a distraction.
261
00:10:28,218 --> 00:10:31,291
- You could do your bird dance.
- You're one to talk.
262
00:10:31,556 --> 00:10:32,787
- How?
- Exactly.
263
00:10:32,875 --> 00:10:35,219
Wait a minute,
this thing's got a radio.
264
00:10:35,307 --> 00:10:37,053
- What if we called Ray?
- Yeah, what if.
265
00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:39,258
Well, couldn't he...
do something?
266
00:10:39,346 --> 00:10:40,734
I don't know.
I mean, maybe,
267
00:10:40,822 --> 00:10:42,320
if we could get him
on the radio...
268
00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:43,508
[big band music plays]
269
00:10:43,596 --> 00:10:45,094
Mama's out in space.
270
00:10:45,182 --> 00:10:46,715
Mama's doing stuff.
271
00:10:46,802 --> 00:10:50,268
Mama's eating cake.
[munching]
272
00:10:50,369 --> 00:10:52,068
And if he wasn't Ray.
273
00:10:52,155 --> 00:10:53,596
Probably eating all the cake.
274
00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:55,266
So, come on,
let's go get the others.
275
00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:57,578
But if you leave Lana here,
276
00:10:57,666 --> 00:11:00,424
you'll have the ship back
all to yourself.
277
00:11:00,853 --> 00:11:02,984
Well, you'd still be there.
278
00:11:03,072 --> 00:11:04,383
- Wh...
- And Ray.
279
00:11:04,471 --> 00:11:06,945
Uh.
Such a fatty.
280
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,922
[munching]
281
00:11:09,010 --> 00:11:10,869
And I don't want
the ship bad enough
282
00:11:10,956 --> 00:11:13,829
for Lana to actually,
you know, die.
283
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:16,000
Who says she's gonna die?
284
00:11:16,088 --> 00:11:17,658
You are gonna die!
285
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,352
Wait, wait, what's going on?
286
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,750
Gladiators, on your marks...
287
00:11:21,837 --> 00:11:22,968
Wait, wait, hang on.
288
00:11:23,055 --> 00:11:24,164
Get set.
289
00:11:24,252 --> 00:11:25,841
[yelling]
290
00:11:25,928 --> 00:11:27,625
Whoa...
291
00:11:27,712 --> 00:11:28,974
- Whoa!
- Bitch!
292
00:11:29,061 --> 00:11:30,889
[grunts]
293
00:11:31,188 --> 00:11:33,109
[cackling]
294
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,383
[grunts]
295
00:11:36,704 --> 00:11:38,941
- Oh, for the...
- Can you believe this?
296
00:11:39,028 --> 00:11:39,985
[chuckles]
Right?
297
00:11:40,072 --> 00:11:41,233
I'm not gonna lie,
298
00:11:41,321 --> 00:11:44,045
I've got my species'
equivalentof a boner.
299
00:11:44,133 --> 00:11:45,061
- Ugh.
- Ew.
300
00:11:45,149 --> 00:11:46,834
Shut up.
You can't smell it.
301
00:11:46,922 --> 00:11:48,515
Yes, we can.
302
00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:50,560
[grunts]
303
00:11:51,266 --> 00:11:53,129
Hi-yah!
304
00:11:53,216 --> 00:11:54,783
[grunts]
305
00:11:54,870 --> 00:11:56,785
- Berserker!
- No!
306
00:11:56,872 --> 00:11:58,003
No, what are you...
No, no!
307
00:11:58,090 --> 00:11:59,352
No, no, no!
308
00:11:59,439 --> 00:12:01,224
[crowd exclaims]
309
00:12:02,659 --> 00:12:05,765
I did not see that coming,
ladies and gentlemen.
310
00:12:05,853 --> 00:12:09,101
I guess it's just anything go...
Oh, my God!
311
00:12:12,235 --> 00:12:13,279
[laughs]
312
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,541
- [gasps]
- [grunts]
313
00:12:14,628 --> 00:12:17,806
Oh, so you want
to play for keeps?
314
00:12:17,893 --> 00:12:21,201
- Oh, man, a full-on battle royale.
- [Lana and Cheryl grunting]
315
00:12:21,289 --> 00:12:23,986
- This may be the best birthday party ever.
- CHERYL: Bitch!
316
00:12:24,258 --> 00:12:25,912
Or, actually,
maybe the third or fourth
317
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,412
best birthday party ever.
318
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:28,381
[yells]
319
00:12:28,468 --> 00:12:31,167
[grunting]
320
00:12:31,254 --> 00:12:32,733
I've never had a birthday party.
321
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,300
- Well, and who would come?
- Wha...
322
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,748
What are you guys doing here?
323
00:12:35,836 --> 00:12:37,279
I thought you died
or ditched us.
324
00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:40,524
- Oh, now, uh, nobody died.
- Not yet.
325
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,203
Holy space shit.
326
00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:43,640
[grunts]
327
00:12:44,615 --> 00:12:46,138
[grunts]
328
00:12:48,445 --> 00:12:50,337
Someone's gonna
get hurt out there.
329
00:12:50,425 --> 00:12:51,143
You think?
330
00:12:51,230 --> 00:12:53,537
He said "someone,"
not "something."
331
00:12:53,624 --> 00:12:55,336
- Ugh. You know...
- Krieger, shut up.
332
00:12:55,424 --> 00:12:56,720
How are we gonna
get those dickheads
333
00:12:56,786 --> 00:12:59,071
to stop fighting long enough
for all of us to escape?
334
00:12:59,159 --> 00:13:00,722
Hmm.
[gasps]
335
00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:02,003
Ooh.
336
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:04,731
Same height, similar build.
337
00:13:04,819 --> 00:13:07,743
Oh come on,
no, that's just...
338
00:13:07,831 --> 00:13:10,011
Just crazy enough to work.
[sniffs]
339
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,730
Ugh.
And speaking of crazy,
340
00:13:12,817 --> 00:13:14,298
what is that smell?
341
00:13:14,386 --> 00:13:17,884
[sniffs] Oh, damn it.
Did Pam have a boner in here?
342
00:13:17,972 --> 00:13:19,563
Wha... You can smell them?
343
00:13:19,651 --> 00:13:21,118
[stifled laugh]
You-you can't?
344
00:13:21,206 --> 00:13:23,741
[sighs]
345
00:13:31,246 --> 00:13:32,972
- [♪♪]
- [cheering]
346
00:13:33,097 --> 00:13:35,714
This wasn't the plan, you idiot!
347
00:13:35,802 --> 00:13:37,860
Well, I wasn't
paying attention!
348
00:13:37,948 --> 00:13:39,245
PAM:
Oh, yeah?
349
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:41,481
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
- Well, how do you like these apples?
350
00:13:41,568 --> 00:13:43,527
- [crack]
- [groaning]
351
00:13:44,308 --> 00:13:46,269
I do not like those apples.
352
00:13:46,357 --> 00:13:48,448
[whoops]
Thanks, Barry Six.
353
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:49,612
This is the best.
354
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:51,886
I mean, I know we're not
friends or anything,
355
00:13:51,974 --> 00:13:53,276
and I actually...
I don't really
356
00:13:53,364 --> 00:13:55,497
have many friends,
or any, really...
357
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,456
Yeah, you realize
if they kill each other,
358
00:13:57,544 --> 00:13:58,698
you got to pay for 'em.
359
00:13:58,786 --> 00:14:01,136
Totally worth it.
[slurps]
360
00:14:01,306 --> 00:14:03,842
Plus, I got
a ton of birthday money.
361
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,323
Thanks, Nana.
362
00:14:06,910 --> 00:14:08,651
She used to be super hot.
363
00:14:09,222 --> 00:14:10,409
Nope.
364
00:14:11,742 --> 00:14:13,614
- Psst, hey, dummy.
- [grunts]
365
00:14:13,702 --> 00:14:16,029
Yeah, you-you ordered
a teabagging?
366
00:14:16,117 --> 00:14:18,032
[low grunt]
367
00:14:19,643 --> 00:14:21,688
- [electrical cracking]
- [body thuds]
368
00:14:21,776 --> 00:14:23,995
What in God's name
is a teabagging?
369
00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:25,651
[soft laugh]
Oh... oh, come on.
370
00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:28,045
- Like you don't know?
- I'm sure I don't.
371
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,566
But I'll bet
it's something disgusting.
372
00:14:30,675 --> 00:14:31,759
Eh.
373
00:14:31,864 --> 00:14:33,542
Now, will you go
wrangle those idiots
374
00:14:33,630 --> 00:14:35,245
so we can get the hell
out of here?
375
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,792
Okay, go get Krieger
ready to move.
376
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:38,577
Or we could leave him.
377
00:14:38,665 --> 00:14:40,580
- Or you.
- All right.
378
00:14:40,957 --> 00:14:42,323
Jesus.
379
00:14:42,411 --> 00:14:44,464
So, hey,
since he brought it up,
380
00:14:44,552 --> 00:14:46,809
do you have any thoughts
on teabagging?
381
00:14:46,897 --> 00:14:48,981
[low snarling]
382
00:14:49,069 --> 00:14:50,364
Uh, cool.
383
00:14:50,502 --> 00:14:52,676
Uh, excuse me.
384
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:56,880
[cheering]
385
00:14:56,968 --> 00:14:59,362
Are you even serious right now?
386
00:14:59,542 --> 00:15:01,762
[panting]
Seriously?
387
00:15:01,850 --> 00:15:03,329
[yells]
388
00:15:03,417 --> 00:15:04,331
[laughs]
389
00:15:04,431 --> 00:15:06,651
Kooch, the undefeated champion,
390
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,785
is taking on four opponents
at a time?
391
00:15:08,873 --> 00:15:09,874
Did you do this?
392
00:15:09,962 --> 00:15:12,051
A five-man
bunkhouse stampede?
393
00:15:12,139 --> 00:15:13,723
How and why would I?
394
00:15:13,811 --> 00:15:15,700
Mm. Okay, folks,
395
00:15:15,816 --> 00:15:17,426
let's make some noise for...
396
00:15:17,544 --> 00:15:19,459
K-K-K-K-Kooch!
397
00:15:19,789 --> 00:15:21,791
[yells]
398
00:15:24,171 --> 00:15:25,887
- Is he serious?
- [grunts]
399
00:15:25,975 --> 00:15:28,957
'Cause my toes only have room
for so much nut-butter.
400
00:15:29,045 --> 00:15:30,832
- Ew. - Ew.
- Seriously.
401
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,364
So... temporary truce?
402
00:15:33,452 --> 00:15:34,879
Ugh. I guess.
403
00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,936
[chuckles] Okay, dickbag.
You ready to party?
404
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:39,662
[whispers]: No, wait, wait,
wait. Guys, it's me...
405
00:15:39,749 --> 00:15:40,895
- Archer?
- What?
406
00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:44,012
Hey, uh, what are they doing?
407
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:45,884
Yeah, what are they doing?
408
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,079
Don't stop. We got to
act like we're fighting
409
00:15:48,167 --> 00:15:49,299
while I tell you my plan.
410
00:15:49,387 --> 00:15:51,395
Well, what's the plan?
411
00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:53,964
- We're gonna run for it.
- Excuse me?
412
00:15:54,052 --> 00:15:55,676
Well, first we get
Krieger and Mother,
413
00:15:55,764 --> 00:15:57,754
and then we're just gonna
haul ass to the gig,
414
00:15:57,842 --> 00:16:00,504
smashing and slashing
anyone who gets in our...
415
00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:06,297
Oh. Oh, okay.
416
00:16:06,446 --> 00:16:08,278
Yeah, I guess they're not
acting suspicious.
417
00:16:08,366 --> 00:16:10,707
And also: what?!
418
00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:12,676
- Ow!
- That's your plan?
419
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,504
I'm sorry.
Did you have a... Ow!
420
00:16:14,935 --> 00:16:17,199
Damn it, will you quit
smashing me... Ow!
421
00:16:17,412 --> 00:16:18,717
[laughing]
422
00:16:18,804 --> 00:16:19,805
[laughs]
423
00:16:19,892 --> 00:16:21,590
Goddamn... Ow!
[grunts]
424
00:16:22,075 --> 00:16:23,082
Wow.
425
00:16:23,170 --> 00:16:25,559
Fame is a fickle mistress, huh?
426
00:16:25,647 --> 00:16:28,724
Wait a minute, hang on.
He's right.
427
00:16:28,812 --> 00:16:29,621
- Huh?
- Wait, what?
428
00:16:29,709 --> 00:16:31,294
What other choice do we have?
429
00:16:31,382 --> 00:16:33,184
If we stay here,
we're as good as dead.
430
00:16:33,272 --> 00:16:36,637
[groans] Which,
serve you right, by the way.
431
00:16:36,735 --> 00:16:39,856
So, how do we even do this?
432
00:16:39,944 --> 00:16:41,685
[yelling]
433
00:16:42,263 --> 00:16:45,179
[all screaming]
434
00:16:46,526 --> 00:16:47,788
[cheering]
435
00:16:47,875 --> 00:16:49,684
Yeah, see?
I mean, just like that,
436
00:16:49,772 --> 00:16:51,128
they're cheering
for the other guys, like...
437
00:16:51,215 --> 00:16:52,316
Wait a minute.
438
00:16:52,403 --> 00:16:54,753
[all screaming]
439
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,512
No, no, no, no, no,
that's Archer.
440
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,168
Move, Nana!
441
00:16:59,467 --> 00:17:00,979
Well, why do
I have to carry him?
442
00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:02,982
- Because look at you.
- Look at you.
443
00:17:03,070 --> 00:17:04,593
Why are you a bird?
444
00:17:04,681 --> 00:17:07,206
Why are you
a rockslide with tits?
445
00:17:07,439 --> 00:17:10,224
[sobbing]
446
00:17:10,312 --> 00:17:11,059
Burn.
447
00:17:11,147 --> 00:17:12,496
- Ow.
- Shut up.
448
00:17:12,584 --> 00:17:13,786
- Can we go?
- Damn it.
449
00:17:13,874 --> 00:17:15,957
It's my plan,
I'm the group leader.
450
00:17:16,045 --> 00:17:17,046
[all exclaim]
451
00:17:18,299 --> 00:17:19,996
[growling]
452
00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:21,676
Archer!
453
00:17:21,764 --> 00:17:22,896
And I say let's go!
454
00:17:22,984 --> 00:17:24,464
[all yelling]
455
00:17:28,058 --> 00:17:29,099
- [woman yelps]
- [glass shatters]
456
00:17:29,186 --> 00:17:30,238
[growling]
457
00:17:30,326 --> 00:17:32,067
Aah! Move!
458
00:17:33,775 --> 00:17:37,027
[sighs]
Still my fourth-best birthday.
459
00:17:37,508 --> 00:17:38,934
Mm, third.
460
00:17:45,229 --> 00:17:46,709
Mother!
461
00:17:48,583 --> 00:17:50,193
Calm down.
462
00:17:51,021 --> 00:17:53,293
Let's go.
Let's go, come on.
463
00:17:53,381 --> 00:17:55,043
Goddamn it,
I'm the group leader.
464
00:17:55,131 --> 00:17:57,264
Yeah, way to lead, buddy.
465
00:17:59,383 --> 00:18:00,776
Archer!
466
00:18:02,517 --> 00:18:05,520
Eat dicks, Barry Six.
467
00:18:13,371 --> 00:18:14,983
[sighs]
468
00:18:19,424 --> 00:18:21,426
Friggin' Bort.
469
00:18:27,884 --> 00:18:30,590
[slurping, chewing]
470
00:18:36,377 --> 00:18:38,676
[spoon clinking]
471
00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:05,348
[clears throat]
So, uh, listen, uh,
472
00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,822
I know things got
a little heated down there,
473
00:19:07,910 --> 00:19:09,760
and maybe we said
and did some things
474
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:10,958
that we wish
we could take back,
475
00:19:11,045 --> 00:19:14,091
but I hope we can put
all that behind us and...
476
00:19:14,179 --> 00:19:16,526
Sterling stole something
from Barry Six and it's
477
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,793
in the safe, so this whole
idiotic fiasco was his fault.
478
00:19:19,895 --> 00:19:21,224
- Archer!
- Busted, Archer! -Archer,
479
00:19:21,311 --> 00:19:23,434
- come on.
- Well, Mother... touched my penis.
480
00:19:23,522 --> 00:19:24,523
[all exclaim]
481
00:19:24,611 --> 00:19:26,582
Yeah. Since we're
playing the blame game.
482
00:19:26,670 --> 00:19:29,981
So just picture Mother's
big old nasty bird claw
483
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,567
touching my cock.
484
00:19:34,311 --> 00:19:36,658
[sniffs]
What the...
485
00:19:36,746 --> 00:19:37,450
Uh-oh.
486
00:19:37,538 --> 00:19:39,762
- Oh, God, gross!
- Jesus Space Christ. -Oh, gross.
487
00:19:39,850 --> 00:19:42,069
- God damn it.
- [chuckles]: Well...
488
00:19:42,167 --> 00:19:45,004
that's our Pam!
489
00:19:46,814 --> 00:19:48,468
What the hell are you doing?
490
00:19:48,758 --> 00:19:50,497
Freeze frame.
491
00:19:50,584 --> 00:19:52,309
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
492
00:19:52,396 --> 00:19:53,989
Sync corrections by srjanapala
493
00:20:12,809 --> 00:20:16,259
MAN: Made in Georgia.
34053
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