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1
00:00:03,850 --> 00:00:07,226
FXX
presents
"Archer-1999"
2
00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:10,296
The following program is rated
TV MAL
3
00:00:10,383 --> 00:00:11,788
It contains strong language.
4
00:00:11,884 --> 00:00:14,163
And it's intended only
for matured audiences.
5
00:00:37,448 --> 00:00:38,954
Altair Beta?
6
00:00:39,042 --> 00:00:41,089
Why'd you wake me up
way the hell out here?
7
00:00:41,177 --> 00:00:43,789
We picked up a distress
beacon.
8
00:00:44,056 --> 00:00:45,556
Not surprising.
9
00:00:45,644 --> 00:00:47,432
Altair Beta's not
the best neighborhood.
10
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,079
Unless you're a Dri'n
pirate.
11
00:00:49,167 --> 00:00:52,126
Yeah, speaking of, looks like
pirates hit that transport
12
00:00:52,214 --> 00:00:53,360
- pretty hard.
- Well,
13
00:00:53,448 --> 00:00:56,353
what say we go
pick the bones?
14
00:00:56,689 --> 00:00:59,362
I'd say, uh,
unfortunate choice of words.
15
00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:01,789
Figuratively. Hopefully.
16
00:01:01,877 --> 00:01:04,725
Well, I'm in, but you know
what she's gonna say.
17
00:01:04,813 --> 00:01:06,102
Why, does she talk
in her sleep?
18
00:01:06,190 --> 00:01:08,063
What? Mother, come on.
We can't not...
19
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,057
I mean, Lana's the co-captain,
so...
20
00:01:10,144 --> 00:01:11,797
- So?
- Huh.
21
00:01:11,885 --> 00:01:14,241
Well, should we wake up
anybody?
22
00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:16,358
- Why would we?
- Good point.
23
00:01:16,446 --> 00:01:18,305
Let's go check it out.
24
00:01:18,543 --> 00:01:20,032
Wait, wait, wait, Mother.
Hang on.
25
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:21,935
Oh, for...
26
00:01:22,140 --> 00:01:24,327
You are disgusting.
27
00:01:24,768 --> 00:01:27,061
Me? He's the one
wallowing in...
28
00:01:28,011 --> 00:01:30,351
Oh, freeze-dried
shepherd's pie.
29
00:01:31,023 --> 00:01:33,539
Ugh! And banana pudding.
30
00:01:51,057 --> 00:01:54,391
So, on the off chance
the pirates left anything
31
00:01:54,479 --> 00:01:56,467
- worth taking...
- There's no sense cutting
32
00:01:56,555 --> 00:01:58,342
the rest of those idiots
in on the deal.
33
00:01:58,430 --> 00:01:59,735
Yeah, they'll just...
34
00:01:59,830 --> 00:02:02,218
Wait, what do you mean
the "rest of those idiots?"
35
00:02:02,438 --> 00:02:04,514
- Hm?
- Are you implying I'm an idiot?
36
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,397
- No, I...
- Yes, you were.
37
00:02:06,485 --> 00:02:08,994
I wasn't implying anything,
you...
38
00:02:09,135 --> 00:02:11,165
Proximity alert.
39
00:02:11,439 --> 00:02:13,506
Proximity alert.
40
00:02:14,208 --> 00:02:16,074
Proximity alert.
41
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,868
What the hell?
42
00:02:21,881 --> 00:02:24,209
- Idiot.
- Aha! See?
43
00:02:24,297 --> 00:02:26,680
You were implying it.
I'm saying it!
44
00:02:26,768 --> 00:02:29,272
Now can you please
just dock the damn thing?
45
00:02:30,625 --> 00:02:33,311
- Yes.
- No-o-ope.
46
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:34,928
- Here we go.
- Oh, goody.
47
00:02:35,016 --> 00:02:37,279
And just what in my own
personal hell
48
00:02:37,367 --> 00:02:39,077
- do you two think you're doing?
- Well...
49
00:02:39,165 --> 00:02:40,750
And don't insult my
intelligence
50
00:02:40,838 --> 00:02:42,938
- by lying to me.
- Okay, then...
51
00:02:44,670 --> 00:02:46,016
Never mind.
52
00:03:18,874 --> 00:03:21,055
*ARCHER (2009)*
Season 10 Episode 01
53
00:03:21,143 --> 00:03:23,165
*ARCHER (2009)*
Episode Title :
"1999: Bort the Garj"
54
00:03:30,851 --> 00:03:33,782
Damn it, Krieger, why'd you
have to wake her up?
55
00:03:34,093 --> 00:03:36,235
You big-mouth...
fish.
56
00:03:36,323 --> 00:03:38,795
Don't call me fish!
And I didn't write my code,
57
00:03:38,883 --> 00:03:39,881
so don't yell at me!
58
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:41,110
I'll do the yelling!
59
00:03:41,198 --> 00:03:43,592
Great, that way we know
you're getting enough oxygen.
60
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,209
Now, somebody explain to me
why you're docking the ship
61
00:03:46,297 --> 00:03:48,141
- without permission.
- Permission?!
62
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:50,053
Look, we picked up
a distress beacon,
63
00:03:50,141 --> 00:03:51,936
and we thought, you know,
that we'd...
64
00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:54,077
Leave us all in stasis while
you sneak in there
65
00:03:54,165 --> 00:03:56,295
to loot whatever the
pirates might've left behind
66
00:03:56,383 --> 00:03:59,526
in there, which, spoiler alert,
is jack-shit
67
00:03:59,613 --> 00:04:01,713
unless you're counting
the ionic charges!
68
00:04:01,801 --> 00:04:05,055
They left! As booby-traps!
69
00:04:05,570 --> 00:04:08,065
Well, you've clearly already
made up your mind, so...
70
00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:10,258
Somebody tell me
this is a joke.
71
00:04:10,346 --> 00:04:13,790
Oh what, you being first
mate? Sadly, no. Not a joke.
72
00:04:13,877 --> 00:04:16,678
No, this! Which better not be
what it looks like!
73
00:04:16,766 --> 00:04:18,834
That's better than
what it smells like.
74
00:04:18,922 --> 00:04:21,022
- Huh?
- Which is a giant bag
75
00:04:21,110 --> 00:04:22,264
- of assholes.
- What?!
76
00:04:22,352 --> 00:04:24,172
Cyril, you reek.
77
00:04:24,260 --> 00:04:25,510
No, I...
78
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,805
Is that shepherd's pie?
79
00:04:28,211 --> 00:04:29,602
And banana puddiiiing.
80
00:04:29,690 --> 00:04:30,684
Damn it, Archer!
81
00:04:30,772 --> 00:04:32,842
Did you fart in my
stasis pod again?!
82
00:04:32,930 --> 00:04:35,123
- Why, I oughta...
- You oughta wash off
83
00:04:35,211 --> 00:04:36,336
that 'nana puddin'.
84
00:04:39,786 --> 00:04:41,152
Stop touching me! You stink!
85
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,855
Will you two knock it off?!
86
00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:46,155
- Yes.
- Ow!
87
00:04:46,243 --> 00:04:49,074
Why do we even serve
shepherd's pie?!
88
00:04:49,162 --> 00:04:52,285
And follow-up, why do we have
the world's loneliest
89
00:04:52,373 --> 00:04:53,695
courtesan on board?
90
00:04:53,843 --> 00:04:55,059
Seriously, though,
91
00:04:55,147 --> 00:04:57,965
this whole place smells
like a fart shit its pants.
92
00:04:58,053 --> 00:04:59,688
Did somebody say pants?!
93
00:05:09,983 --> 00:05:11,981
'Cause I'm not wearing any.
94
00:05:12,069 --> 00:05:13,733
Because welcome
to the freak show.
95
00:05:13,821 --> 00:05:15,934
What?! Said the bug zapper.
96
00:05:16,022 --> 00:05:18,420
- Yeah, and speaking of.
- What?
97
00:05:18,508 --> 00:05:19,883
We had a deal!
98
00:05:20,398 --> 00:05:21,531
Yeah, come on, Mom.
99
00:05:21,619 --> 00:05:24,402
Oh, all right.
100
00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:34,043
Happy?
No, actually.
101
00:05:34,131 --> 00:05:37,498
Because you two were about to
violate quarantine protocols,
102
00:05:37,586 --> 00:05:40,559
possibly exposing my ship
to dangerous...
103
00:05:40,647 --> 00:05:42,052
- It's not your ship!
- Half of it is!
104
00:05:42,139 --> 00:05:43,815
Because I had a shitty
divorce lawyer.
105
00:05:43,950 --> 00:05:45,225
Whose fault is that?
106
00:05:45,313 --> 00:05:47,233
You're the one who wanted
a divorce!
107
00:05:47,321 --> 00:05:49,350
When what I should've done is
just wait for you
108
00:05:49,438 --> 00:05:52,371
to get murdered by one of the
enemies you either owe money,
109
00:05:52,459 --> 00:05:55,012
cheated, cuckolded,
straight up stole from,
110
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:57,357
or some combination thereof.
111
00:05:58,341 --> 00:05:59,896
Your point being?
112
00:05:59,983 --> 00:06:02,899
Her point,
Captain Doctor Science,
113
00:06:02,986 --> 00:06:05,389
is you can't expose just
half the ship
114
00:06:05,477 --> 00:06:07,717
to potentially deadly
microorganisms.
115
00:06:07,805 --> 00:06:09,672
Aha! Potentially deadly!
116
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,147
I'm not having this
argument again.
117
00:06:11,235 --> 00:06:12,490
Apparently you are.
118
00:06:12,578 --> 00:06:15,637
- No, I'm not.
- Aborting docking sequence.
119
00:06:15,725 --> 00:06:17,561
Yes, you a...
120
00:06:17,649 --> 00:06:19,902
Damn it, Lana!
Aborting docking seq-
121
00:06:19,990 --> 00:06:21,801
- Krieger! - Krieger!
- Guys, come on.
122
00:06:21,889 --> 00:06:23,451
We've been over and over
and over this.
123
00:06:23,539 --> 00:06:24,777
The Laws of Robotics...
124
00:06:24,865 --> 00:06:26,936
Is made-up shit
from a comic book!
125
00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:30,123
- Sorry.
- Don't be.
126
00:06:30,226 --> 00:06:31,735
It had to be said.
127
00:06:32,985 --> 00:06:34,369
Shit!
128
00:06:35,102 --> 00:06:36,531
Oh, my God.
129
00:06:38,514 --> 00:06:39,561
What is that?!
130
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,147
- Whoa, the hell...
- Shh!
131
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:52,208
- Kill it!
-
Oh, boy!
132
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:04,053
- Are...
- Waaahhhhh!
133
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:12,842
- Happy?
- I'm... happy you're not.
134
00:07:21,616 --> 00:07:23,926
What the hell was
that thing?
135
00:07:24,014 --> 00:07:25,866
I think the more pressing
question is...
136
00:07:25,953 --> 00:07:28,027
No, Krieger,
for the millionth time,
137
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,451
- you'll never be a real boy.
- I was going to say...
138
00:07:30,539 --> 00:07:32,192
I think it's more tragic
than anything.
139
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:33,663
You're one to talk.
140
00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:35,223
- I was going to say...
- Ooh!
141
00:07:35,311 --> 00:07:36,498
When will you be a real boy?
142
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,696
What the hell was it
running from?
143
00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:41,115
Um...
144
00:07:42,727 --> 00:07:43,887
Son of a...
145
00:07:46,362 --> 00:07:49,569
Dri'n dak! Dak txakurrak!
146
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,811
Oh, yeah?
You want some of this?
147
00:07:52,912 --> 00:07:54,420
Ow!
148
00:07:55,147 --> 00:07:56,581
I think they might, actually.
149
00:07:56,716 --> 00:07:58,926
Dri'n bastards! Krieger,
blast door!
150
00:07:59,014 --> 00:08:00,652
Yep, yep, yep!
151
00:08:04,107 --> 00:08:05,819
That oughta hold 'em. Okay...
152
00:08:05,907 --> 00:08:06,938
- Hang on.
- Shut up.
153
00:08:07,077 --> 00:08:08,608
Krieger, undock us.
154
00:08:09,079 --> 00:08:11,733
Cyril, Pam, Carol,
grab a weapon,
155
00:08:11,821 --> 00:08:14,295
split up, and find
that xenomorph.
156
00:08:14,383 --> 00:08:16,098
For all we know he's
a Trojan horse.
157
00:08:16,186 --> 00:08:19,373
- He was pretty rubbery...
- So stupid.
158
00:08:19,461 --> 00:08:20,425
Right?
159
00:08:20,513 --> 00:08:21,733
And if you can temporarily
160
00:08:21,821 --> 00:08:23,910
de-ass your head, wanna get us
outta here?
161
00:08:23,998 --> 00:08:25,785
Why? we can take these
assholes.
162
00:08:28,114 --> 00:08:30,696
-
Hull damage.
- You were saying?
163
00:08:30,784 --> 00:08:33,767
Hull damage.
164
00:08:33,854 --> 00:08:35,987
Hull damage.
165
00:08:38,203 --> 00:08:41,404
-
Hull damage.
- I heard you.
166
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:48,831
- Okay, Krieger, we clear?
- Yep, yep, yep!
167
00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:51,820
Okay, then. Everybody brace
for initial thrust.
168
00:08:51,970 --> 00:08:53,616
In three...
169
00:08:53,704 --> 00:08:55,185
- Whoa!
- God...
170
00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:56,890
- Damn...
- Son of a...
171
00:08:56,977 --> 00:08:58,679
- Bitch!
- Ow!
172
00:08:58,881 --> 00:09:01,796
Whoo!
173
00:09:01,922 --> 00:09:04,839
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
174
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:09,796
Can't have anything nice.
175
00:09:09,922 --> 00:09:11,720
Never gets old, does it?
176
00:09:11,830 --> 00:09:13,739
Nope. Unlike some people.
177
00:09:13,827 --> 00:09:14,878
Excuse me?!
178
00:09:14,966 --> 00:09:16,458
Lana, handle your business.
179
00:09:16,546 --> 00:09:19,028
There's a giant squeezy toy
on the loose.
180
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:21,850
I'll squeeze your...
damn it!
181
00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:23,956
Got nothing.
182
00:09:31,945 --> 00:09:34,761
Okay, keep your
crazy eyes peeled.
183
00:09:34,887 --> 00:09:36,715
And watch your muzzle,
will ya?
184
00:09:36,850 --> 00:09:38,750
I'm not trying to get
blasted in the face.
185
00:09:38,885 --> 00:09:40,458
Well, I'm not trying
to get slimed.
186
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:42,878
What? It's not a ghost,
dumb-ass.
187
00:09:42,966 --> 00:09:45,895
- How do you know?
- Because nothing's a ghost.
188
00:09:47,098 --> 00:09:48,161
Shh.
189
00:09:49,045 --> 00:09:51,325
You open it on three.
190
00:09:51,413 --> 00:09:53,929
Ready? One...
191
00:09:54,017 --> 00:09:57,948
Oh, for... you pussy.
192
00:09:58,036 --> 00:10:00,473
You're supposed to be
looking for the damn xenomorph.
193
00:10:00,561 --> 00:10:02,786
I'm checking all
the storage lockers!
194
00:10:04,208 --> 00:10:05,739
This one's clear.
195
00:10:09,083 --> 00:10:10,481
On me.
196
00:10:12,177 --> 00:10:14,356
Freeze!
Don't shoot, don't shoot!
197
00:10:14,444 --> 00:10:15,825
Let me see those hands!
198
00:10:15,913 --> 00:10:17,442
I... I don't have any.
199
00:10:17,530 --> 00:10:18,887
- Duh-hoy.
- Shut up.
200
00:10:18,975 --> 00:10:21,167
Okay, so who or what are you?
201
00:10:21,255 --> 00:10:22,973
I... I'm Bort.
202
00:10:24,512 --> 00:10:25,880
Bort the Garj?
203
00:10:26,769 --> 00:10:30,598
Of the House of Garj?
Well, Mr. Bort the Garj,
204
00:10:30,686 --> 00:10:32,489
just, what do you think
you're doing?
205
00:10:34,231 --> 00:10:36,700
Eating off-brand cereal.
206
00:10:37,741 --> 00:10:39,919
No, the passengers
were from all over.
207
00:10:40,114 --> 00:10:43,393
I was the only Garj, and so
I was able to hide in the walls
208
00:10:43,481 --> 00:10:44,825
when they attacked
the transport.
209
00:10:44,913 --> 00:10:47,247
And after they killed all
the crew, they just...
210
00:10:47,372 --> 00:10:48,473
took everybody.
211
00:10:48,561 --> 00:10:50,819
To sell into the spek mines,
no doubt.
212
00:10:50,907 --> 00:10:53,161
So how do you know English?
213
00:10:53,262 --> 00:10:55,844
- Is... that relevant?
- Yeah, Lana.
214
00:10:55,979 --> 00:10:57,393
I mean, why does anybody
know it?
215
00:10:57,481 --> 00:10:59,458
I mean she does.
She's obviously not human.
216
00:10:59,546 --> 00:11:02,005
- But not so obviously a she.
- Hey!
217
00:11:02,152 --> 00:11:03,466
We were all thinking it.
218
00:11:03,554 --> 00:11:05,469
'Cause you're all a buncha
xenophobes!
219
00:11:05,557 --> 00:11:08,053
Are you...
You're as bad as she is!
220
00:11:08,141 --> 00:11:10,380
- Always calling me "fish," or...
- That doesn't count!
221
00:11:10,468 --> 00:11:13,384
- You're a robot.
- Synthetic human.
222
00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:15,208
Potato, pobobot, am I right?
223
00:11:15,296 --> 00:11:17,921
Anyway, the important thing is.
I'm okay.
224
00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:19,421
- Is that so?
- Well, yeah.
225
00:11:19,509 --> 00:11:22,350
I mean, I'm heir to the throne
of the House of Garj, so...
226
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,406
And that's actually a pretty
huge deal.
227
00:11:25,493 --> 00:11:27,569
- Like, how huge?
- Well...
228
00:11:27,657 --> 00:11:30,442
If you had to express it
monetarily.
229
00:11:30,530 --> 00:11:32,327
- Wh... oh, no.
- Lana, shut up.
230
00:11:32,415 --> 00:11:33,936
- Shut up.
- No!
231
00:11:34,024 --> 00:11:36,973
- We are not going off on some...
- Wild goose chase! Who's in?
232
00:11:38,181 --> 00:11:42,194
- No. Now, wait a minute.
- Lana, democracy has spoken.
233
00:11:42,311 --> 00:11:44,827
So, if we take you home
to Garj...
234
00:11:44,915 --> 00:11:46,546
Well, to Garjek, our moon,
235
00:11:46,634 --> 00:11:49,184
then my parents will reward you
handsomely.
236
00:11:49,272 --> 00:11:51,452
I'm already handsome.
How much?
237
00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:53,671
I mean, easily a million
credits.
238
00:11:53,759 --> 00:11:56,413
In this economy?
239
00:11:56,501 --> 00:11:58,384
And like I said,
I'm a pretty huge deal.
240
00:11:58,472 --> 00:12:00,600
Yes, yes, you definitely are.
241
00:12:00,688 --> 00:12:02,983
So, can somebody here please
242
00:12:03,071 --> 00:12:05,694
get His Highness some more
cereal right now?
243
00:12:05,782 --> 00:12:07,483
Yeah, or maybe just
better cereal?
244
00:12:07,571 --> 00:12:09,465
Well, I don't know about
all that.
245
00:12:09,553 --> 00:12:10,663
Just a thought.
246
00:12:10,751 --> 00:12:13,702
Can I talk to you? Please?
247
00:12:13,790 --> 00:12:16,188
If you can do it while I'm
plotting a course for Garjek.
248
00:12:16,276 --> 00:12:17,577
Wha...
249
00:12:17,665 --> 00:12:19,225
And ignoring you.
250
00:12:20,475 --> 00:12:23,020
Because we need to put
the ship in drydock.
251
00:12:23,108 --> 00:12:25,899
The hull was damaged,
even before this fiasco!
252
00:12:25,986 --> 00:12:27,577
All right, carry the two...
253
00:12:27,665 --> 00:12:30,106
And now you want to put more
stress on the ship,
254
00:12:30,194 --> 00:12:32,088
and jump two systems away,
255
00:12:32,175 --> 00:12:33,708
just because a sentient blob
256
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:35,464
says there might be
money in it?!
257
00:12:35,552 --> 00:12:37,093
Uncarry the two.
258
00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:39,458
On top of which,
not that you give a shit,
259
00:12:39,546 --> 00:12:41,577
but you swore to me we'd
go back to Earth.
260
00:12:41,665 --> 00:12:42,702
You promised!
261
00:12:42,790 --> 00:12:44,735
Lana, c'mon. I've promised
you lots of things.
262
00:12:44,823 --> 00:12:45,678
Archer...
263
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,086
Besides, like you said,
it's just two systems, a...
264
00:12:48,174 --> 00:12:49,309
a skip and a jump.
265
00:12:49,397 --> 00:12:51,215
What could possibly go wrong?
266
00:12:51,303 --> 00:12:52,514
Seously?
267
00:12:52,602 --> 00:12:53,891
Besides all
the normal stuff
268
00:12:53,979 --> 00:12:56,678
that could easily go
disastrously wrong,
269
00:12:56,766 --> 00:12:58,842
since space travel is
so dangerous.
270
00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:00,078
Ugh.
271
00:13:02,454 --> 00:13:06,733
Whoo-hoo!
Hyperspace!
272
00:13:25,188 --> 00:13:26,559
Oh, man.
273
00:13:26,646 --> 00:13:28,350
Is hyperspace not the best?
274
00:13:28,438 --> 00:13:31,069
If you mean is it the best at
putting stress on the hull...
275
00:13:31,157 --> 00:13:33,168
Is this the rest of
my life now?
276
00:13:33,256 --> 00:13:35,499
You bitching about
the damn hull?
277
00:13:35,587 --> 00:13:37,770
Right? Relax.
The hull's gonna be...
278
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,833
What the hell was that?!
279
00:13:39,921 --> 00:13:42,116
My last bottle of bitter
lemon!
280
00:13:42,382 --> 00:13:43,717
Dri'n fighters inbound!
281
00:13:43,805 --> 00:13:44,817
From where?!
282
00:13:44,905 --> 00:13:46,629
- From the transport.
- What?!
283
00:13:46,716 --> 00:13:48,683
They must've followed us,
dumb-ass.
284
00:13:48,818 --> 00:13:50,155
How am I a dumb-ass?
285
00:13:50,243 --> 00:13:51,856
How much time do you have?
286
00:13:51,944 --> 00:13:55,256
Ow! Not much.
287
00:13:55,427 --> 00:13:57,364
-
Hull damage.
- We know!
288
00:13:58,178 --> 00:13:59,301
Battle stations.
289
00:13:59,389 --> 00:14:01,108
Ugh! What now?
290
00:14:01,648 --> 00:14:03,124
Seriously.
291
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:05,921
But whatever it is, I'm sure
it's Archer's fault.
292
00:14:06,009 --> 00:14:07,389
- Krieger, helm!
- Yep!
293
00:14:07,477 --> 00:14:10,989
Okay, assholes.
Sun's out, guns out.
294
00:14:11,077 --> 00:14:12,740
Well, in space,
the sun is always...
295
00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:15,171
Don't step on my line, fish!
296
00:14:24,821 --> 00:14:26,413
Whoa...
297
00:14:26,823 --> 00:14:28,708
Uh, I thought this was
a civilian ship.
298
00:14:28,796 --> 00:14:30,381
Isn't it illegal for it
to have weapons?
299
00:14:30,469 --> 00:14:31,973
Oh, my God, it is.
300
00:14:32,061 --> 00:14:34,842
Should we pull over
and call the Federation, or...
301
00:14:34,930 --> 00:14:36,373
- What, no, I just...
- 'Cause we're happy
302
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:37,597
to pull over, Bort!
303
00:14:37,684 --> 00:14:39,530
- S-seriously?
- No. Archer...
304
00:14:39,618 --> 00:14:40,817
Please!
305
00:14:40,905 --> 00:14:42,921
Quit dicking around.
306
00:14:43,589 --> 00:14:45,264
Yeah, Bort.
307
00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:50,593
Come on, come on,
come on, come on...
308
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:51,761
Yes!
309
00:14:54,638 --> 00:14:58,022
Get some! Get some!
310
00:14:58,110 --> 00:15:02,358
Suppressing fi-i-i-i-i-ire!
311
00:15:03,123 --> 00:15:05,043
Jesus, you couldn't suppress
a cough.
312
00:15:05,131 --> 00:15:07,712
- Yes, I could.
- Touché, Cyril.
313
00:15:09,262 --> 00:15:11,475
We're taking too much damage!
314
00:15:11,563 --> 00:15:13,608
Dammit! Okay, Carol.
315
00:15:14,115 --> 00:15:16,467
Carol?
Carol!
316
00:15:16,555 --> 00:15:17,769
- What?
- You know what!
317
00:15:17,857 --> 00:15:20,231
- Ugh!
- Goddamn it, woman.
318
00:15:20,319 --> 00:15:22,530
All right, already!
319
00:15:24,088 --> 00:15:25,647
Jesus!
320
00:15:36,319 --> 00:15:38,325
Isn't it kinda weird Carol
hates doing
321
00:15:38,413 --> 00:15:39,692
the one thing she's good at?
322
00:15:39,779 --> 00:15:41,881
No, I get it. I mean,
I'm like that with blowjobs.
323
00:15:41,969 --> 00:15:44,681
- Oh, for...
- Wait, what?
324
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:45,780
Yeah, whooda what?
325
00:15:45,868 --> 00:15:47,777
Since when are you good
at blowjobs?
326
00:15:47,865 --> 00:15:49,122
Excuse me?
327
00:15:49,210 --> 00:15:51,153
For your information...
328
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,192
Cyril, shut up.
329
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,288
- Let the man speak.
- Yeah, Lana.
330
00:15:54,376 --> 00:15:56,288
He has nothing to say
on the matter.
331
00:15:56,376 --> 00:15:57,483
Do you, Cyril?
332
00:15:57,571 --> 00:15:59,541
I... no, I guess not.
333
00:15:59,629 --> 00:16:01,262
Whoa wo-whoa! Wait a minute!
334
00:16:01,350 --> 00:16:04,036
Hey, look over there!
That was the last pirate.
335
00:16:04,124 --> 00:16:05,364
Way to go, Carol.
336
00:16:05,452 --> 00:16:07,335
Yeah. Yay me.
337
00:16:07,423 --> 00:16:09,208
Okay, we will talk about
this later.
338
00:16:09,296 --> 00:16:10,522
- No, we won't.
- But for now,
339
00:16:10,610 --> 00:16:12,507
head to the gig. We leave
for the surface in five.
340
00:16:12,594 --> 00:16:15,678
Time to see what a million
credits looks like.
341
00:16:16,496 --> 00:16:18,803
And we should take a duffel
bag, or...
342
00:16:18,918 --> 00:16:21,553
Ray, uh, what are you doing?
343
00:16:21,641 --> 00:16:23,802
I thought I'd go down with
y'all, and see if I could,
344
00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:25,722
you know, find some clientele.
345
00:16:29,532 --> 00:16:33,561
Hey, you know what?
I don't need it!
346
00:16:34,918 --> 00:16:37,918
Aw, man.
Now I feel kindaad.
347
00:16:38,006 --> 00:16:39,858
Yeah, I... I do too.
348
00:16:39,956 --> 00:16:41,319
Let's bring him
something back.
349
00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:43,202
Does he still collect those
little spoons?
350
00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:44,421
Ugh, yes.
351
00:16:44,509 --> 00:16:46,825
Hey, we're not going down
there for a shopping spree.
352
00:16:46,913 --> 00:16:48,895
We're gonna use that reward
money to repair the ship.
353
00:16:48,982 --> 00:16:51,764
Jesus, calm down,
it's just a spoon.
354
00:16:51,851 --> 00:16:53,319
Yeah, Lana.
355
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,633
So, Bort, uh, what do we call
your folks?
356
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:02,766
- Do what?
- Like,
357
00:17:02,854 --> 00:17:04,224
is this
a "your majesty"
358
00:17:04,312 --> 00:17:05,326
type deal, or...
359
00:17:05,414 --> 00:17:07,185
Uh, y-yeah, I guess.
360
00:17:07,273 --> 00:17:08,765
Okay, so...
361
00:17:09,142 --> 00:17:12,305
- Oh, should I curtsy?
- Ugh, there's a picture.
362
00:17:12,393 --> 00:17:13,445
First of all,
363
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,724
I was voted most ladylike in my
cotillion class, and I also...
364
00:17:16,812 --> 00:17:19,039
Who was your competition,
a boulder?
365
00:17:21,304 --> 00:17:22,873
What the...
366
00:17:22,961 --> 00:17:24,836
- Hey, gang.
- Wha...
367
00:17:25,018 --> 00:17:27,976
- Barry Six?!
- Barry Six...
368
00:17:28,429 --> 00:17:30,936
Yeah, it's good ol'
Barry Six.
369
00:17:31,024 --> 00:17:32,092
Say, Bort.
370
00:17:32,180 --> 00:17:33,288
You know him?! - What the...
371
00:17:33,375 --> 00:17:34,876
How the hell
do you know Bort?
372
00:17:34,964 --> 00:17:36,537
Oh, Bort and I
go way back.
373
00:17:36,625 --> 00:17:39,761
I got Bort out of a sticky
little mess on Vega Three,
374
00:17:39,849 --> 00:17:41,570
didn't I, bud?
Yeah.
375
00:17:41,658 --> 00:17:43,162
So this was all a big
set-up?
376
00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:46,240
- Duh-hoy.
- I'm super sorry, you guys.
377
00:17:46,328 --> 00:17:48,036
Oh, you will be, you little...
378
00:17:48,124 --> 00:17:50,334
Butt-plug looking piece
of shit!
379
00:17:50,422 --> 00:17:52,053
That's what he reminds me of!
380
00:17:52,141 --> 00:17:53,248
Mother, please.
381
00:17:53,336 --> 00:17:54,365
Well look at him.
382
00:17:54,453 --> 00:17:56,570
So are we... cool?
383
00:17:58,150 --> 00:17:59,932
I mean, I am.
384
00:18:00,019 --> 00:18:02,576
Okay, well, then I'm just
gonna...
385
00:18:03,452 --> 00:18:04,796
Kinda...
386
00:18:06,437 --> 00:18:08,404
tip... just tip on out, then.
387
00:18:10,179 --> 00:18:12,609
Wow.
388
00:18:12,698 --> 00:18:15,565
Look at that.
Little kook.
389
00:18:15,653 --> 00:18:18,216
You believe he's heir to the
throne of the House of Garj?
390
00:18:18,304 --> 00:18:19,640
What do you want with us?
391
00:18:19,728 --> 00:18:21,233
Well, me and Archer have what
you might call
392
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,294
an outstanding account
to settle?
393
00:18:23,382 --> 00:18:26,169
So, for starters,
I'm gonna extract
394
00:18:26,257 --> 00:18:27,640
all the bones from his body.
395
00:18:27,728 --> 00:18:28,809
- What?!
- No biggie.
396
00:18:28,897 --> 00:18:30,248
Well now just
hold on a minute!
397
00:18:30,336 --> 00:18:31,873
- Yeah!
- If this is between
398
00:18:31,961 --> 00:18:33,818
the two of you,
the rest of us...
399
00:18:33,906 --> 00:18:35,461
- No!
- The rest of you
400
00:18:35,549 --> 00:18:38,146
I hope are gonna
fetch me a pretty good price
401
00:18:38,234 --> 00:18:39,467
when I sell you down
the spek mines.
402
00:18:39,554 --> 00:18:40,821
Seriously?
403
00:18:40,908 --> 00:18:42,898
Yeah, not great, huh?
404
00:18:55,285 --> 00:18:56,668
How about now?
405
00:18:56,756 --> 00:18:57,879
Happy now?
406
00:18:57,967 --> 00:19:00,345
I mean, probably happier
than I'm gonna be
407
00:19:00,433 --> 00:19:02,669
when Barry Six starts yanking
my bones.
408
00:19:02,950 --> 00:19:04,770
Space phrasing!
409
00:19:07,418 --> 00:19:08,894
No.
410
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,981
Corrections done by
srjanapala
411
00:19:40,243 --> 00:19:43,363
Made in Georgia.
28898
