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We are celebrating the union
of Zorn, Defender of Zephyria,
2
00:00:05,644 --> 00:00:07,978
Conqueror of the Tribes of Agon,
3
00:00:08,013 --> 00:00:10,147
Decapitator of the
Dark Herdsmen of Grith,
4
00:00:10,182 --> 00:00:13,016
to Edie...
Bennett.
5
00:00:13,052 --> 00:00:16,720
So, by the power bestowed
by the god of war,
6
00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:19,322
- I pronounce...
- I oppose this union.
7
00:00:23,462 --> 00:00:28,265
- Sir Pent.
- You can't marry... a dead woman.
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00:00:30,236 --> 00:00:32,069
_
9
00:00:35,130 --> 00:00:38,053
I'm sorry, honey. I know I
promised not to disembowel
10
00:00:38,054 --> 00:00:40,777
anyone at our wedding, but he
was about to explode your head.
11
00:00:40,813 --> 00:00:42,813
I love you, babe.
12
00:00:42,848 --> 00:00:45,415
See?
I'm glad we watched that.
13
00:00:45,451 --> 00:00:46,583
That's exactly how I want
my hair for our ceremony.
14
00:00:46,619 --> 00:00:48,719
So, we're not
gonna talk about how Zorn
15
00:00:48,754 --> 00:00:50,854
just saved you from a
murderous snake person
16
00:00:50,890 --> 00:00:51,989
at your own wedding?
17
00:00:52,024 --> 00:00:55,192
Oh, he was just an ex.
We went on, like, three dates.
18
00:00:55,227 --> 00:00:57,327
Four if you count
the initial kidnapping.
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00:00:57,363 --> 00:01:01,098
You know, I've never seen
you look at me that way.
20
00:01:01,133 --> 00:01:03,000
Would you call this
a French braid?
21
00:01:03,035 --> 00:01:04,768
- No, that's a Dutch braid.
- Hmm.
22
00:01:04,803 --> 00:01:07,738
I'd like to see Zorn
correctly identify a braid.
23
00:01:07,773 --> 00:01:09,340
I love you, Edie, and,
24
00:01:09,341 --> 00:01:12,455
- hey, I love your Dutch braid.
- Son of a...
25
00:01:17,656 --> 00:01:20,223
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
26
00:01:20,486 --> 00:01:23,420
- Hey, Alan.
- Oh, hey, Layla. What's up?
27
00:01:23,455 --> 00:01:25,589
I'm plant sitting for my aunt.
She's away this week,
28
00:01:25,624 --> 00:01:28,058
and I was just wondering
if maybe you wanted
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00:01:28,093 --> 00:01:30,260
to come over tomorrow
and hang out.
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00:01:30,296 --> 00:01:32,563
Totally, yeah.
Plants and no aunts?
31
00:01:32,598 --> 00:01:34,398
That sounds like my kind
of a party.
32
00:01:34,433 --> 00:01:36,066
Cool. Well, I'll text you
the address.
33
00:01:36,101 --> 00:01:38,201
Cool.
34
00:01:38,237 --> 00:01:40,804
Oh, uh, by the way,
it's-it's a beach house, so...
35
00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:43,507
- bring your swimsuit.
- Beach house?
36
00:01:43,542 --> 00:01:46,610
- See you later.
- Yup.
37
00:01:52,027 --> 00:01:54,661
Wait, isn't Dr. Klorpins in Zephyria?
38
00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:56,897
Yeah, well, that's what he wants
the FBI to think, too...
39
00:01:56,932 --> 00:01:59,966
and the CIA...
and Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
40
00:02:00,002 --> 00:02:02,235
Zorn.
You're looking well.
41
00:02:02,271 --> 00:02:04,337
Someone must be taking
his fish person oil.
42
00:02:04,373 --> 00:02:07,941
Keeps the muscles tight
and the mind focused on eggs.
43
00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:09,676
That is actually why I'm here.
44
00:02:09,712 --> 00:02:11,478
Well, there's a fish guy
in room two.
45
00:02:11,513 --> 00:02:14,948
- Go on. Take a suck on his oil hole.
- All right.
46
00:02:14,983 --> 00:02:17,617
And this time maybe I'll let
the fish guy return the favor.
47
00:02:22,424 --> 00:02:25,726
Uh, hey, Dr. Klorpins,
what-what is, uh, Zephyritol?
48
00:02:25,761 --> 00:02:28,662
Oh, it's just a drug
that changes Zephyrian bodies
49
00:02:28,697 --> 00:02:30,831
so that they look
like regular bodies.
50
00:02:30,866 --> 00:02:32,132
And that really works?
51
00:02:32,167 --> 00:02:33,934
Like on any body part?
I don't know,
52
00:02:33,969 --> 00:02:35,802
just like a random example,
what about legs?
53
00:02:35,838 --> 00:02:39,840
Well, does Blake Lively look like
she has tentacles under her skirt?
54
00:02:39,875 --> 00:02:42,075
Then I guess it works.
55
00:02:42,111 --> 00:02:44,010
Hey, uh, do you think
I could have some?
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00:02:44,046 --> 00:02:46,847
Sure, I got some free samples
here somewhere.
57
00:02:46,882 --> 00:02:49,750
Let's see, scalpel...
oh, pus kit... ow!
58
00:02:49,785 --> 00:02:53,653
There's got to be a better place
to store old, dirty needles.
59
00:02:53,689 --> 00:02:55,021
Here you go, squirt.
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00:02:56,125 --> 00:02:58,592
Ooh, all right, well, just give
me my flu shot and a lollipop,
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00:02:58,627 --> 00:02:59,960
and let's get
the hell out of here.
62
00:03:07,136 --> 00:03:09,035
Craig. Did you hear that?
63
00:03:09,071 --> 00:03:11,938
Does this look like the face
of someone who didn't hear that?
64
00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:13,073
You want to go check it out?
65
00:03:13,108 --> 00:03:15,375
Does this feel like
the heartbeat of someone
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00:03:15,410 --> 00:03:17,244
who wants to go
check something out?
67
00:03:17,279 --> 00:03:18,678
Oh.
68
00:03:18,714 --> 00:03:20,313
Okay, we've got to do something.
69
00:03:20,349 --> 00:03:22,415
Okay, um,
let's just stay in bed,
70
00:03:22,451 --> 00:03:24,985
and if the murderer comes
in here, then I'll-I'll, like,
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00:03:25,020 --> 00:03:26,686
distract him with a cloud
of feathers,
72
00:03:26,722 --> 00:03:29,656
and you make a run for it.
73
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:32,726
What are you doing?
74
00:03:32,761 --> 00:03:35,962
- Nothing. I just texted Zorn.
- Okay, well, fine.
75
00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:38,131
We'll just call Zorn,
let him swoop in,
76
00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:40,000
and I'll just sit here
and be useless.
77
00:03:40,035 --> 00:03:41,067
Ooh.
78
00:03:41,103 --> 00:03:43,704
Well, looks like it was
a branch hitting your window.
79
00:03:43,705 --> 00:03:46,673
Don't worry, though.
I hacked it off, uprooted the tree,
80
00:03:46,708 --> 00:03:48,842
and salted the earth so nothing
can ever grow there again.
81
00:03:48,877 --> 00:03:50,677
Oh, I can break a stick, Edie.
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00:03:50,712 --> 00:03:52,312
If I had known
that was the problem,
83
00:03:52,347 --> 00:03:54,114
I would've taken
care of it myself.
84
00:03:54,149 --> 00:03:55,849
Oh, I know you would've, sweetie.
85
00:03:55,884 --> 00:03:58,766
Hey, just so you
know, Craig, she's lying.
86
00:03:58,801 --> 00:04:02,622
Yeah, well, just so you know,
Zorn, you could be mean.
87
00:04:08,897 --> 00:04:10,530
I hate to sound
like such a dreamer,
88
00:04:10,566 --> 00:04:12,465
but there's got to be a
better way to shred documents.
89
00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:16,236
Actually, the machine you use
to make your smoothies
90
00:04:16,271 --> 00:04:19,673
- is technically a paper...
- Todd! No one likes a know-it-all.
91
00:04:20,642 --> 00:04:23,844
Zorn. Hey, hey,
didn't you get my memo?
92
00:04:23,879 --> 00:04:28,849
Hey, Blake Erickson,
the CEO of Sanitation Solutions,
93
00:04:28,884 --> 00:04:31,084
is coming in from Houston
to visit our branch.
94
00:04:31,119 --> 00:04:33,353
So I need everyone,
especially you,
95
00:04:33,388 --> 00:04:35,055
to be on their best behavior.
96
00:04:35,090 --> 00:04:36,756
That means no blasting
Blues Traveler
97
00:04:36,792 --> 00:04:38,458
"'cause it's 'Run-Around'
time somewhere."
98
00:04:38,493 --> 00:04:41,561
Geez, relax, man. You're
the most badass boss I know.
99
00:04:41,597 --> 00:04:43,096
Why are you so worried
about this guy?
100
00:04:43,131 --> 00:04:46,299
'Cause I think Erickson hates me.
Last time he was here,
101
00:04:46,335 --> 00:04:49,086
I said I'd rather be
dead in a ditch than alive
102
00:04:49,087 --> 00:04:51,838
watching a tennis match. Turns
out he's a huge tennis fan
103
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,907
and his wife was found
dead in a ditch.
104
00:04:53,942 --> 00:04:56,877
Personally, I'd rather be dead
in a ditch than at a tennis match.
105
00:04:56,912 --> 00:04:59,346
I agree, but please
don't say that
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00:04:59,381 --> 00:05:01,314
in front of our CEO when he
gets here.
107
00:05:01,350 --> 00:05:03,416
Okay, well, shut up a second.
Zorn on the horn.
108
00:05:03,452 --> 00:05:06,553
Well, well, well.
No, I'd-I'd love to help you out,
109
00:05:06,588 --> 00:05:08,955
but I'm super busy
here at work, okay? Whoops.
110
00:05:08,991 --> 00:05:13,193
No, he's not!
Whoever this is, he'll be right there!
111
00:05:13,228 --> 00:05:15,662
Hey, sorry it took me so long.
Traffic on the freeway
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00:05:15,697 --> 00:05:18,632
was terribly hard to walk
through on foot.
113
00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:22,569
Zorn, I want you to train me
to be more like you.
114
00:05:22,604 --> 00:05:25,698
Really? You need me
to train you to hate... you?
115
00:05:25,733 --> 00:05:28,842
No, I want you to train me
to be a warrior.
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00:05:28,877 --> 00:05:31,745
If I'm gonna marry Edie,
I need to be able to protect her.
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00:05:31,780 --> 00:05:33,914
Being sweet, lovable Craig
isn't enough.
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00:05:33,949 --> 00:05:35,882
I need to be tough,
lovable Craig.
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00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:39,286
She already has that man: Alangulon.
The fruit of my loins!
120
00:05:39,321 --> 00:05:41,688
Zorn, I want you to picture Alan
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00:05:41,723 --> 00:05:44,324
trying to stand up
to a meth-crazed mugger.
122
00:05:44,359 --> 00:05:46,960
All right, cool. I'll dust
off the old imagination here,
123
00:05:46,995 --> 00:05:48,128
let me see what I got.
124
00:05:48,163 --> 00:05:51,564
Oh, my God! That junkie
tore him to bits in seconds.
125
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:54,434
I mean, that was like running
a tomato through a band saw.
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00:05:54,469 --> 00:05:57,103
Why-Why did you make
me picture that?
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00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:59,539
- So you see my point, Zorn.
- Fine.
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00:05:59,574 --> 00:06:04,010
I, Zorn, will make it
my mission to train thee,
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00:06:04,046 --> 00:06:07,647
Craig,
in the ways of the warrior!
130
00:06:07,683 --> 00:06:09,416
Here you go, kale salad,
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00:06:09,451 --> 00:06:11,518
- no Parmesan, extra lemon juice.
- Ooh.
132
00:06:11,553 --> 00:06:13,320
B.S.! He'll have a live pig,
133
00:06:13,355 --> 00:06:16,489
and don't you dare help him
kill it when it arrives.
134
00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:39,212
Oh!
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00:06:39,247 --> 00:06:41,147
Wow.
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00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,654
Wait a second.
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00:06:49,891 --> 00:06:52,451
Only one...
138
00:06:54,717 --> 00:06:55,716
- So, this is the place.
- Whoa.
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00:06:55,751 --> 00:06:58,469
Uh, my aunt can't get
pregnant and, uh, she doesn't
140
00:06:58,470 --> 00:07:01,188
trust animals, so she says
her plants are her children.
141
00:07:01,224 --> 00:07:02,656
Wow.
142
00:07:02,692 --> 00:07:05,059
- Oh, you got aloe!
- Yeah, we got aloe,
143
00:07:05,094 --> 00:07:06,961
we got drinks,
we got everything.
144
00:07:06,996 --> 00:07:08,662
Aloe is the best.
Aloe vera.
145
00:07:08,698 --> 00:07:10,297
You know, a lot of people
say that aloe should not
146
00:07:10,333 --> 00:07:12,366
be applied to exquisite and
elegant legs such as these.
147
00:07:12,401 --> 00:07:13,434
Really?
148
00:07:13,469 --> 00:07:14,735
You mind if I, uh,
crack one of these off?
149
00:07:14,770 --> 00:07:16,070
Hop to it.
150
00:07:16,105 --> 00:07:17,538
Only the best
for the best legs.
151
00:07:17,573 --> 00:07:19,874
How often do you apply?
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00:07:19,909 --> 00:07:23,043
Every day at breakfast I apply
aloe to my real, human legs.
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00:07:23,079 --> 00:07:25,146
You really do have amazing,
amazing legs.
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00:07:25,181 --> 00:07:27,615
Oh, you know what?
Speaking of...
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00:07:27,650 --> 00:07:29,183
these legs aren't
gonna tone themselves.
156
00:07:29,218 --> 00:07:30,651
Mind if I hop on this?
157
00:07:30,686 --> 00:07:31,685
Not at all.
158
00:07:31,721 --> 00:07:35,289
Wow, you know your plants
and you can climb stairs.
159
00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:37,591
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, yup, I'm good.
160
00:07:37,627 --> 00:07:39,293
Just a little
too much aloe on there.
161
00:07:40,396 --> 00:07:42,263
Zorn, is this
really necessary?
162
00:07:42,298 --> 00:07:43,864
All right, the first step
in being a warrior
163
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:45,099
is looking like a warrior.
164
00:07:45,134 --> 00:07:48,602
Hey, you look, like,
so fierce, man.
165
00:07:48,638 --> 00:07:51,138
Look at that.
I mean, you are no longer
166
00:07:51,174 --> 00:07:52,540
Craig the Therapist.
You're more like
167
00:07:52,575 --> 00:07:54,842
Craig the Psycho-Therapist.
168
00:07:54,877 --> 00:07:56,277
But did you have
to rip the sleeves off?
169
00:07:56,312 --> 00:07:58,112
I just bought this shirt
last week.
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00:07:58,147 --> 00:08:01,282
Warriors don't have sleeves.
We need our arms free,
171
00:08:01,317 --> 00:08:02,816
you know, for
windmill punches
172
00:08:02,852 --> 00:08:04,885
and raising our fists
victoriously, like this.
173
00:08:04,921 --> 00:08:07,821
Yeah!
Ha-ha.
174
00:08:07,857 --> 00:08:11,113
By the power of
Fullerton University Online,
175
00:08:11,148 --> 00:08:13,093
Continuing Adult Education Division,
176
00:08:13,129 --> 00:08:15,496
Department of Psychology
and Music.
177
00:08:15,531 --> 00:08:17,731
You shall not pass!
178
00:08:28,010 --> 00:08:30,711
Zorn.
179
00:08:52,401 --> 00:08:54,201
Yes.
180
00:08:55,371 --> 00:08:57,789
You know, I
totally thought you didn't
181
00:08:57,790 --> 00:09:00,207
know how to swim, but
you're actually pretty good.
182
00:09:00,243 --> 00:09:02,376
Well, I take a bath
every Sunday,
183
00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:06,113
so what is that but a tiny ocean?
184
00:09:08,851 --> 00:09:10,317
Yeah, you should
come back Saturday.
185
00:09:10,353 --> 00:09:12,086
I'm gonna be here
all day, so...
186
00:09:12,121 --> 00:09:17,858
- Oh, uh, that sounds good.
- It's cold.
187
00:09:17,893 --> 00:09:19,893
Oh, you want to, uh,
wear this towel?
188
00:09:19,929 --> 00:09:22,062
Thank you.
189
00:09:22,098 --> 00:09:25,065
Uh... hold on a second.
Let me take that.
190
00:09:25,101 --> 00:09:26,767
- Uh...
- What?
191
00:09:26,802 --> 00:09:29,069
I just, uh, I just caught a...
caught a spider, yeah,
192
00:09:29,105 --> 00:09:32,706
between my leg and the towel.
I got to go take care of that.
193
00:09:42,171 --> 00:09:44,271
Oh, Alan,
how was the beach house?
194
00:09:44,306 --> 00:09:45,739
A super magical day.
195
00:09:45,775 --> 00:09:47,775
I don't want to talk about it,
though. Thanks.
196
00:09:47,810 --> 00:09:52,246
Well, if you decide you do want to
talk about it, I'm here.
197
00:09:52,281 --> 00:09:53,881
Come on, honey.
Let's rap.
198
00:09:53,916 --> 00:09:56,917
- Kid's still say that, right?
- No, we don't, no.
199
00:09:56,952 --> 00:09:58,919
Well, do you want half
of my sandwich?
200
00:09:58,954 --> 00:10:00,621
No, ok... fine,
sure, don't come in.
201
00:10:00,656 --> 00:10:03,112
Just shove it
under the door, okay? Bye.
202
00:10:04,326 --> 00:10:05,959
These numbers are terrible, Linda.
203
00:10:05,995 --> 00:10:08,128
I know. We've been
having some...
204
00:10:08,164 --> 00:10:10,197
employee productivity issues.
205
00:10:10,232 --> 00:10:12,699
Todd!
Where have you been?
206
00:10:12,735 --> 00:10:14,568
I need that report on my
desk by the end of the day.
207
00:10:14,603 --> 00:10:17,037
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was just playing some tennis.
208
00:10:17,072 --> 00:10:18,338
It helps me concentrate.
209
00:10:18,374 --> 00:10:21,208
- I'm gonna tackle the report right now.
- Tennis, you say?
210
00:10:21,243 --> 00:10:24,778
Oh.
Important client.
211
00:10:24,814 --> 00:10:29,183
I'll be right back.
Hey, Edie, What's up?
212
00:10:29,218 --> 00:10:31,118
- Hey, have you seen Zorn?
- No.
213
00:10:31,153 --> 00:10:32,152
Why? Everything okay?
214
00:10:32,188 --> 00:10:33,654
Well, I'm worried about Alan.
215
00:10:33,689 --> 00:10:35,422
He had a 40-minute shower cry.
216
00:10:35,458 --> 00:10:36,757
I don't know much
about parenting.
217
00:10:36,792 --> 00:10:39,626
I'm gonna guess gay.
Okay, got to go.
218
00:10:39,662 --> 00:10:42,563
What do you think we can do
about our productivity problem?
219
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:44,698
Well, I do have some
ideas, actually...
220
00:10:44,733 --> 00:10:47,400
Todd calls his mom
on company time.
221
00:10:48,417 --> 00:10:51,018
Okay, warrior,
let's build up that confidence.
222
00:10:51,053 --> 00:10:53,187
I'm gonna do a power poem.
223
00:10:53,222 --> 00:10:55,723
Capable.
224
00:10:55,758 --> 00:10:58,325
Resourceful.
Acrobatic.
225
00:10:58,361 --> 00:11:00,260
Incorrigible.
226
00:11:00,296 --> 00:11:02,629
Giggly?
Sometimes, yeah.
227
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:05,366
Craig!
228
00:11:05,401 --> 00:11:08,569
Oh. Zorn.
Do not barge into my bathroom.
229
00:11:08,604 --> 00:11:11,338
Or my bedroom.
Or my dreams.
230
00:11:11,374 --> 00:11:13,240
All right, Craig, you
can become a warrior,
231
00:11:13,275 --> 00:11:15,476
or you can become someone
whose privacy I respect,
232
00:11:15,511 --> 00:11:16,977
but you can't become both.
233
00:11:17,012 --> 00:11:19,880
Zorn, do not slap me again.
Enough is enough.
234
00:11:21,504 --> 00:11:24,605
You stood up to me.
You are now a warrior.
235
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,006
What about learning how
to fight?
236
00:11:26,041 --> 00:11:28,041
Nah, you're never gonna
be good at that, no.
237
00:11:28,077 --> 00:11:29,877
Here's a little tip, though,
just sucker punch people.
238
00:11:29,912 --> 00:11:31,311
Now get dressed
and drive me to work.
239
00:11:31,347 --> 00:11:33,480
- Hell no, Zorn.
- That's the spirit.
240
00:11:33,516 --> 00:11:36,049
But there is a time and a place,
and I really need a ride.
241
00:11:36,085 --> 00:11:39,653
Has Alan seemed weird to you?
I feel like the clueless mom
242
00:11:39,688 --> 00:11:42,523
- in an afterschool special.
- What, like he's on drugs?
243
00:11:42,558 --> 00:11:44,825
Edie, come on.
Let's be honest with ourselves.
244
00:11:44,860 --> 00:11:47,794
Alangulon's not cool enough
for anyone to offer him drugs.
245
00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:50,063
No, I saw a thing on 60 Minutes
246
00:11:50,099 --> 00:11:52,132
that said even lame kids
can get drugs now.
247
00:11:52,167 --> 00:11:55,802
- Edie, I got to go.
- Linda.
248
00:11:55,838 --> 00:11:58,405
Have you moved your desk
to work among your lessers?
249
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,707
You truly you are
a man of the people!
250
00:12:00,743 --> 00:12:02,376
Zorn, I got demoted.
251
00:12:02,411 --> 00:12:05,156
Save your sucking up
for your new boss, Todd.
252
00:12:05,161 --> 00:12:07,214
What?
But you're the best boss ever.
253
00:12:07,249 --> 00:12:09,016
How could this happen?
254
00:12:09,051 --> 00:12:11,452
Seriously, I don't understand
corporate employment
255
00:12:11,453 --> 00:12:13,854
structure, so I'm
genuinely confused here.
256
00:12:13,889 --> 00:12:15,522
I was already on thin ice
with Erickson,
257
00:12:15,558 --> 00:12:17,157
and then Todd swooped in
and said all the right things
258
00:12:17,192 --> 00:12:19,793
and used all the right...
tennis metaphors.
259
00:12:19,828 --> 00:12:21,595
Well, I mean, you know,
look at the bright side.
260
00:12:21,630 --> 00:12:23,564
Now you can sit out here
in cubicles with all of us
261
00:12:23,599 --> 00:12:26,900
and make Linda jokes.
Screw Linda, right, sir?
262
00:12:26,936 --> 00:12:28,702
You don't need
to call me "sir."
263
00:12:28,737 --> 00:12:30,604
I'm not your superior anymore.
264
00:12:30,639 --> 00:12:32,606
Not my superior?
Huh.
265
00:12:32,641 --> 00:12:34,408
Yeah. W-Wait a second...
266
00:12:34,443 --> 00:12:35,842
not my superior...
267
00:12:35,878 --> 00:12:37,477
dresses...
268
00:12:37,513 --> 00:12:39,646
earrings...
269
00:12:39,682 --> 00:12:43,083
seeing a gynecologist
for your penis... I...
270
00:12:43,118 --> 00:12:46,119
Oh, my God.
271
00:12:46,155 --> 00:12:49,998
You're a woman!
272
00:12:50,225 --> 00:12:51,525
Please, okay? I just...
273
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:53,527
I need more Zephyritol.
I'm desperate.
274
00:12:53,562 --> 00:12:56,463
Well... there is an old saying
in the medical community:
275
00:12:56,498 --> 00:12:58,231
the first taste is free.
276
00:12:58,267 --> 00:13:00,500
After that, bitch better
have my money.
277
00:13:00,536 --> 00:13:02,903
- $500 to be exact.
- What?
278
00:13:02,938 --> 00:13:05,339
No. Come on.
I need those pills.
279
00:13:05,374 --> 00:13:08,408
I didn't just change my legs,
it changed my entire life.
280
00:13:08,444 --> 00:13:10,577
I finally felt like the Alan
that I've always wanted to be.
281
00:13:10,613 --> 00:13:13,046
You know? Okay, the Alan that
can just walk up to anybody
282
00:13:13,082 --> 00:13:16,316
and say, "Inspect me.
You'll find nothing weird."
283
00:13:16,352 --> 00:13:18,986
- Just have a heart.
- I'm West Zephyrian.
284
00:13:19,021 --> 00:13:21,788
I actually don't have a heart.
There is a ghost in my chest
285
00:13:21,824 --> 00:13:23,924
that scares the blood
around my body.
286
00:13:23,959 --> 00:13:26,259
So give me the money,
or get ready
287
00:13:26,295 --> 00:13:28,662
for some serious
withdrawal symptoms.
288
00:13:28,697 --> 00:13:29,896
Withdrawal?
289
00:13:41,494 --> 00:13:42,726
This site says
I should confront Alan
290
00:13:42,762 --> 00:13:44,461
and demand he tell me
what's going on.
291
00:13:44,497 --> 00:13:47,565
And if he refuses...
I should...
292
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,701
send him to Bible
reeducation camp.
293
00:13:50,736 --> 00:13:52,102
What do you think, Craig?
294
00:13:52,138 --> 00:13:55,039
- Craig!
- I'm sorry. It's just the sandman
295
00:13:55,074 --> 00:13:56,907
has just been on my case today.
296
00:13:56,943 --> 00:13:58,208
Well, maybe you shouldn't have
gotten up to investigate
297
00:13:58,244 --> 00:13:59,777
every little sound last night.
298
00:13:59,812 --> 00:14:01,312
Well, maybe we shouldn't
have an air conditioner
299
00:14:01,347 --> 00:14:04,348
- that sounds like a man strangling Alan.
- Alan.
300
00:14:04,383 --> 00:14:06,083
What are you doing?
301
00:14:06,118 --> 00:14:08,252
Oh, uh, me? I'm just
looking for a mint.
302
00:14:08,287 --> 00:14:10,187
Why are you wearing
a pig nose?
303
00:14:10,222 --> 00:14:11,922
I'm doing the pigs...
uh, factories.
304
00:14:11,958 --> 00:14:14,625
Protesting the pig factories.
They are very bad, you know.
305
00:14:14,660 --> 00:14:17,127
Pigs are actually smarter
than dogs, so... poof.
306
00:14:17,163 --> 00:14:20,798
Yeah, I think I saw that on
someone's Facebook wall.
307
00:14:20,833 --> 00:14:23,534
Can I have $500 in cash
to do an art project?
308
00:14:23,569 --> 00:14:25,035
It's a really special thing
I'm working on
309
00:14:25,071 --> 00:14:26,971
where I take five $100 bills
310
00:14:27,006 --> 00:14:29,139
and I arrange them on a piece
of construction paper.
311
00:14:29,175 --> 00:14:31,275
It's a comment on
commercialism and stuff.
312
00:14:31,310 --> 00:14:35,012
- Sounds like it's a good idea.
- $500 on art?
313
00:14:35,047 --> 00:14:36,580
Fine.
I guess I'll just go get it
314
00:14:36,616 --> 00:14:39,116
from that guy down
at the ravine.
315
00:14:39,151 --> 00:14:43,554
A couple weeks learning
about Jesus can't be that bad.
316
00:14:44,690 --> 00:14:46,457
Milady.
317
00:14:52,999 --> 00:14:56,066
- Milady.
- Zorn, just because I'm a woman
318
00:14:56,102 --> 00:14:57,801
doesn't mean you have to stand
up every time I stand up.
319
00:14:57,837 --> 00:15:00,237
- Of course, milady.
- And please stop talking to me
320
00:15:00,272 --> 00:15:03,273
like some sad-ass
lute player at Ren Fair.
321
00:15:03,309 --> 00:15:04,975
Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
It's just, you know,
322
00:15:05,011 --> 00:15:06,410
a lot to wrap my head around.
323
00:15:06,445 --> 00:15:08,412
I mean, you were a
woman this whole time?
324
00:15:08,447 --> 00:15:10,114
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
So that time
325
00:15:10,149 --> 00:15:12,349
we came to work dressed
as Lady Zorn and She-Linda...
326
00:15:12,385 --> 00:15:15,719
You just showed up in a dress.
We never discussed that beforehand.
327
00:15:15,755 --> 00:15:19,691
It's just, I... I feel like I lost
my best friend at work,
328
00:15:19,692 --> 00:15:22,543
I mean, you were my bro.
You know? And now?
329
00:15:22,544 --> 00:15:25,511
No mo' bro... you know?
I'm still the same person
330
00:15:25,546 --> 00:15:28,098
- I always was, only now...
- You can't vote.
331
00:15:28,134 --> 00:15:32,503
Nothing's changed.
We're still friends, or at least
332
00:15:32,538 --> 00:15:34,071
I hope we can still be friends.
333
00:15:34,106 --> 00:15:36,540
Who else is gonna
help me overthrow Todd?
334
00:15:36,575 --> 00:15:38,842
Yeah, but I bet you
overthrow like a girl.
335
00:15:43,315 --> 00:15:46,466
500 bucks.
Come on,
336
00:15:46,501 --> 00:15:47,818
something around here's
got to be worth 500 bucks.
337
00:15:47,853 --> 00:15:49,687
Oh. Laptop.
338
00:15:57,363 --> 00:16:00,464
Fullerton Online University!
339
00:16:00,499 --> 00:16:04,068
So you think you can break
into Craig's fiancé's house
340
00:16:04,103 --> 00:16:05,936
where Craig lives rent-free...
341
00:16:05,971 --> 00:16:08,906
and take from Craig's fiancé?
342
00:16:08,941 --> 00:16:11,842
- Well, you got another thing coming.
- Stop!
343
00:16:11,877 --> 00:16:14,511
- It's me.
- Craig, what are you doing?!
344
00:16:14,547 --> 00:16:17,081
I'm being the guy that you can
count on for everything, Edie.
345
00:16:17,116 --> 00:16:20,184
- Oh, my spleen.
- Alan.
346
00:16:20,219 --> 00:16:21,585
Whoa!
347
00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:23,220
Oh, my God.
348
00:16:23,255 --> 00:16:25,789
I literally kicked
your ass back to Zephyria.
349
00:16:27,226 --> 00:16:29,727
Well, it looks like the
Zephyritol is starting to wear off.
350
00:16:29,762 --> 00:16:31,629
I mean, who would have
thought that taking strange
351
00:16:31,630 --> 00:16:33,497
drugs from a cave doctor
would have consequences?
352
00:16:33,532 --> 00:16:36,133
Well, we're gonna talk about all
this when your father gets here.
353
00:16:36,168 --> 00:16:37,735
I called him.
He's very worried.
354
00:16:37,770 --> 00:16:40,137
- Can I talk to you?
- Sure.
355
00:16:40,172 --> 00:16:42,306
You kicked my
son's ass, Craig.
356
00:16:42,341 --> 00:16:43,640
Edie, I thought
he was a burglar.
357
00:16:43,676 --> 00:16:46,227
Look, I was just trying
to protect us, so you don't
358
00:16:46,228 --> 00:16:48,779
always have to call Zorn at
the first sign of trouble.
359
00:16:48,814 --> 00:16:51,448
I call Zorn because he's
a big dumb barbarian
360
00:16:51,484 --> 00:16:53,450
and he's good
at dumb barbarian stuff,
361
00:16:53,486 --> 00:16:56,420
like murder, maiden rescue,
car repair.
362
00:16:56,455 --> 00:16:59,490
I fell in love with you because you
are all the things that Zorn isn't.
363
00:16:59,525 --> 00:17:03,460
But if I can't do the things that
I do and the things that Zorn does,
364
00:17:03,496 --> 00:17:06,363
then I'll never be everything
that you need.
365
00:17:06,398 --> 00:17:08,232
You don't need to be everything.
366
00:17:08,267 --> 00:17:09,900
You're sweet and sensitive.
367
00:17:09,935 --> 00:17:13,704
- Zorn's just...
- Zorn!
368
00:17:17,710 --> 00:17:19,543
Alangulon.
I have come to vanquish
369
00:17:19,578 --> 00:17:23,178
your drug-related issues!
370
00:17:24,006 --> 00:17:27,255
Come on, junkie. Spill it.
Tell me what you're hiding.
371
00:17:27,290 --> 00:17:28,623
Dad, I'm not a junkie.
372
00:17:28,658 --> 00:17:30,291
Ah. That is exactly what
a junkie would say.
373
00:17:30,326 --> 00:17:33,227
I was only taking Zephyritol
to make my legs look normal.
374
00:17:33,263 --> 00:17:35,096
I was just worried that
Layla wouldn't like me
375
00:17:35,131 --> 00:17:37,865
because I'm, like,
well, I'm different.
376
00:17:37,901 --> 00:17:39,934
Well, why do you
care if Layla loves you?
377
00:17:39,969 --> 00:17:41,669
She's not the woman
who birthed you.
378
00:17:41,704 --> 00:17:43,771
Edie, please.
Alangulon.
379
00:17:43,807 --> 00:17:45,840
I know exactly what you're
going through.
380
00:17:45,875 --> 00:17:47,508
Take a seat, son.
381
00:17:47,544 --> 00:17:51,512
I recently found out something
insane about someone in my life.
382
00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:53,815
Turns out this guy I was hanging
with was a woman.
383
00:17:53,850 --> 00:17:57,185
A woman, Alangulon.
Just imagine my surprise.
384
00:17:57,220 --> 00:18:00,721
And sure,
at first it was an adjustment,
385
00:18:00,757 --> 00:18:02,223
but then I realized something.
386
00:18:02,258 --> 00:18:05,893
Once you really care
about someone, that's it.
387
00:18:05,929 --> 00:18:08,062
That feeling on the inside
doesn't change
388
00:18:08,098 --> 00:18:11,769
just because things might
look different on the outside.
389
00:18:11,804 --> 00:18:14,202
Wow, Dad. That was
actually really helpful.
390
00:18:14,237 --> 00:18:16,637
Yeah, I've never heard you
say anything that deep.
391
00:18:16,673 --> 00:18:18,506
I didn't know you had it in you.
392
00:18:18,541 --> 00:18:20,608
No, no. I know.
Yeah, it blew my mind, too.
393
00:18:20,643 --> 00:18:23,444
But it turns out that I'm
kick-ass at being sensitive.
394
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,400
- Especially when it comes to my family.
- Oh.
395
00:18:28,818 --> 00:18:33,121
Ah, look at us. Sitting
here just like a real family.
396
00:18:33,156 --> 00:18:37,158
Holding hands
and silently farting.
397
00:18:39,129 --> 00:18:40,928
- Hi, Alan.
- Hey.
398
00:18:40,964 --> 00:18:44,098
Or did a spider kill you?
Are you Alan's ghost?
399
00:18:44,134 --> 00:18:45,533
I actually came
here to apologize
400
00:18:45,568 --> 00:18:47,902
for how I've been acting
kind of crazy lately.
401
00:18:47,937 --> 00:18:49,537
Did you go on Adderall
or something?
402
00:18:49,572 --> 00:18:51,639
That's what made Shannon
so angry and impulsive
403
00:18:51,674 --> 00:18:53,341
and good at AP Spanish.
404
00:18:53,376 --> 00:18:54,609
I need to show you
something, okay?
405
00:18:54,644 --> 00:18:57,745
Alan. What-what
are you doing?!
406
00:18:57,780 --> 00:18:59,647
These are my legs.
407
00:19:00,456 --> 00:19:04,118
- Whoa.
- I knew you'd be freaked out.
408
00:19:04,154 --> 00:19:06,187
Well, kind of, only because...
409
00:19:06,222 --> 00:19:08,089
you had different legs,
like, three days ago.
410
00:19:08,124 --> 00:19:10,124
Well, those weren't my real legs.
411
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,026
I was taking these weird
Zephyrian drugs
412
00:19:12,061 --> 00:19:14,595
to change them and... okay,
look, if you never want
413
00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:16,597
to see me or my freakish legs
ever again, I understand.
414
00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:18,065
- That's fine.
- Alan, the only thing that's
415
00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:19,384
weirding me out is that
you're standing here
416
00:19:19,385 --> 00:19:20,668
with your pants around your ankles.
417
00:19:20,703 --> 00:19:25,370
I just feel like I need
to say sorry for not being
418
00:19:25,429 --> 00:19:28,910
- honest with you.
- I like it when you're yourself.
419
00:19:28,945 --> 00:19:30,878
- It's funny.
- Oh.
420
00:19:30,914 --> 00:19:32,346
You know I have a-a Twitter
421
00:19:32,382 --> 00:19:35,116
where I post funny things
you say and do.
422
00:19:35,151 --> 00:19:37,385
It has like 450 followers.
423
00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:40,054
Wow. Um, is that like a...
is that a lot?
424
00:19:40,089 --> 00:19:42,023
Is that a little?
I don't really know.
425
00:19:42,058 --> 00:19:43,891
- It's respectable.
- Oh.
426
00:19:43,927 --> 00:19:47,828
♪ All I needed was
the love you gave... ♪
427
00:19:47,864 --> 00:19:50,298
Hey, Craig,
428
00:19:50,333 --> 00:19:52,366
I found those special
baby wipes you like to use
429
00:19:52,402 --> 00:19:54,835
instead of toilet paper.
430
00:19:54,871 --> 00:19:59,440
Ooh, you made muffins.
It smells incredible.
431
00:19:59,475 --> 00:20:01,909
Oh.
432
00:20:01,945 --> 00:20:04,212
My beloved Edie.
433
00:20:04,247 --> 00:20:06,480
By the time you're reading this,
the only thing left of me
434
00:20:06,516 --> 00:20:10,484
will be these good-bye muffins.
They're apple-carrot.
435
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,187
I know you won't admit this,
but it's become clear to me
436
00:20:13,223 --> 00:20:16,224
that you and Zorn are the ones
who should be together.
437
00:20:16,259 --> 00:20:18,859
Whatever reason you left him,
438
00:20:18,895 --> 00:20:20,695
he's now changed into
the husband you deserve
439
00:20:20,730 --> 00:20:22,964
and the protector this family needs.
440
00:20:22,999 --> 00:20:26,467
It breaks my heart to leave,
but please don't look for me.
441
00:20:26,502 --> 00:20:28,636
I know how to disappear.
442
00:20:28,671 --> 00:20:32,540
P.S. Make sure to individually
wrap these muffins
443
00:20:32,575 --> 00:20:34,108
in paper towels
before freezing them.
444
00:20:34,143 --> 00:20:36,143
It preserves the moistness.
445
00:20:36,179 --> 00:20:38,412
Zorn? Are you in here...
446
00:20:38,448 --> 00:20:40,648
Oh. Hey, Edie. Hey, I just found
out Linda's a woman... twice.
447
00:20:40,683 --> 00:20:43,384
Hey-o. Well, I mean,
technically, one and a half times.
448
00:20:43,419 --> 00:20:45,761
You just bursting
into my apartment like that
449
00:20:45,796 --> 00:20:47,521
kind of ruined the sexy vibe.
450
00:20:48,192 --> 00:20:51,125
sync & correction by f1nc0
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