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Previously on
"Splitting Up Together"...
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00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:05,047
Lena:
We're pulling the plug.
3
00:00:05,089 --> 00:00:06,757
The on-duty parent will
live in the main house.
4
00:00:06,799 --> 00:00:08,718
And the off-duty parent
will be living in the garage.
5
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,678
You want to blame everything
on Lena when, in fact,
6
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:12,555
you didn't dance
with your wife at your wedding.
7
00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:14,265
I didn't dance with her
at our wedding.
8
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:16,058
That's what you think
our problem was?
Kind of.
9
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,602
Now, remember.
The most important rule
10
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:20,354
about dancing has nothing
to do with dancing.
11
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:23,190
If you don't keep me in
your gaze, I might get lost.
12
00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:24,859
You just explained
why my marriage failed.
13
00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:26,861
Lena: I want to be with
someone who's into me.
14
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:28,154
I'm someone's mother.
15
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,781
Motherhood and sexuality
can't coexist?
16
00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:35,202
Crazy part is,
I've seen you wipe things.
17
00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:38,414
I've witnessed it happening.
Doesn't take.
18
00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:40,666
There's always
this filmy residue.
19
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,084
Martin: O-kay.
20
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:44,295
That's me.
I'm the residue guy.
21
00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:45,796
And you always will be
22
00:00:45,838 --> 00:00:47,923
till you learn how to wipe
harder, like you mean it.
23
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:49,216
I mean it!
24
00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:51,093
I mean, I meant it
when I wiped it.
25
00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,720
No, you didn't.
26
00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:54,805
Watch. Learn.
27
00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:57,224
-Ooh.
-Oh. wow.
28
00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:58,768
Did you see that
follow
29
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:00,394
Ooh!
30
00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:02,271
Man, I don't think
I've ever wiped anything
31
00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:03,898
with that much
commitment.
32
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:09,570
But I promise that I will
wipe harder next time.
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00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:10,654
That's all I ask.
34
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:15,826
So, it's kind of fun
35
00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:18,454
that we're both single
at the same time, right?
36
00:01:18,496 --> 00:01:19,747
Yeah.
37
00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:23,751
Maybe we could do
some fun
38
00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:26,420
single sister things
together.
39
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,715
"Wok of Shame."
40
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:32,301
Single men,
imitation Crab Rangoon.
41
00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:33,969
You in?
42
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,346
I don't know, Maya.
43
00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:38,766
Both those things
sound kind of...sad?
44
00:01:38,808 --> 00:01:40,684
Oh, they are.
45
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,603
Well, what happened to
that guy you met on Tinder?
46
00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:43,771
Rudy?
47
00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:47,775
♪♪
48
00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:50,820
Rudy: Maya! Maya!
49
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,822
Ahh.
50
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,324
You forgot your
phone charger.
51
00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:58,369
I could've
just gotten it next time.
52
00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:01,789
Y-Yeah.
Um, about that...
53
00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:04,792
Are you
kidding me, Rudy?
54
00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,544
And it's not
just Rudy.
55
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,712
I mean, every guy,
really, is the worst.
56
00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:11,090
So will you please
come with me to this thing
57
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,175
so then maybe we could
meet some more of them?
58
00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:14,593
The thing is, Maya,
59
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,804
that I-I kind of already
met someone I like.
60
00:02:16,846 --> 00:02:19,765
You already met
someone you like?
61
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,184
There's two guys on here.
62
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,978
Oh. Yeah. Sorry.
Not the doctor.
63
00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:26,188
The hot young guy, Wes.
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00:02:28,399 --> 00:02:30,317
Oh. I know
what this is.
65
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:32,695
Uh, Lena...
66
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:34,572
sometimes
really ugly people
67
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:36,991
use photos of
really not-ugly people
68
00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:39,243
to just try to
lure you in.
69
00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:41,245
That's actually
how I met Rudy.
70
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,414
-Are you talking about --
-You're being catfished.
71
00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:44,665
I'm not being catfished.
72
00:02:44,707 --> 00:02:46,500
Said everyone
on the show "Catfish."
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00:02:46,542 --> 00:02:48,460
I'm not on the show
"Catfish,"
74
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,338
and I didn't meet either of
those guys on an app or online.
75
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,548
I met them in person.
76
00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,717
You mean in...real life?
77
00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,510
Yeah.
And the doctor is nice.
78
00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:58,220
I just --
I feel like I have
79
00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,431
more sexual chemistry
with the young guy.
80
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,683
-Oh, sexual chemistry.
-Yeah. And it's like --
81
00:03:02,725 --> 00:03:05,144
He definitely takes me
outside of my comfort zone.
82
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,520
Oh.
83
00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:09,273
So, you've been single
for like 14 seconds,
84
00:03:09,315 --> 00:03:12,735
and you've already been outside
of your comfort zone?
85
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:15,779
Well, not all the way
outside of my comfort zone.
86
00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:18,407
But that's kind of what I was
hoping to do next weekend.
87
00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:19,992
Oh. Of course.
Right.
88
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:28,542
♪ Keep giving me hope
for a better day ♪
89
00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:32,338
♪ Keep giving me love
to find a way ♪
90
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:35,382
♪ Through this
heaviness I feel ♪
91
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:40,638
♪ I just need someone to say
everything's okay ♪
92
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,306
♪ Everything's okay ♪
93
00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:43,933
That kid
is such a poser.
94
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:45,559
Who
95
00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:47,269
He thinks he's so great just
'cause he's got syphilis.
96
00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:51,899
Did you say "syphilis"?
97
00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:53,734
-Syphilis.
-Syphilis.
98
00:03:53,776 --> 00:03:55,235
Syphilis.
It's an STD.
99
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:58,155
Thank you, Jules.
I know that it's an STD.
100
00:03:58,197 --> 00:04:00,366
Um, I just didn't know
that anyone still got it
101
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,409
except for 17th-century
courtesans.
102
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:05,788
Why would anyone think they're
so great for having syphilis?
103
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:08,749
Well, because the girl
he says he got it from
104
00:04:08,791 --> 00:04:11,460
-is Brooke Benaroche.
105
00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:13,087
Brooke Benaroche is the
hottest girl in school.
106
00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:14,755
She has a tattoo of Ganesh
on her pelvis.
107
00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:17,591
Ganesh is an elephant.
Kind of like Babar, but Hindu.
108
00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:19,551
Thank you, Jules.
Thank you so much.
109
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,053
You're welcome, Ms. Wagner.
And may I say
110
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,763
you are wearing the hell
out of those sweatpants.
111
00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:25,599
Okay. Do you see that? That's
why half of you have syphilis.
112
00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,935
Mom, relax.
None of us have syphilis.
113
00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:29,937
Yeah, I mean, Mason hasn't
even Frenched a girl,
114
00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:31,647
so y-you really got nothing
to worry about.
115
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:32,982
Ohh!
Ohh!
Ohh!
116
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,192
Oh, okay. All right.
Yuk it up.
117
00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,777
But, uh, homey's
onto something here,
118
00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:40,614
because the only way to avoid
a nasty STD like syphilis
119
00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:42,658
is by being abstinent.
120
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,451
Like my killer here,
Mason.
121
00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:46,078
Mom, you're
not helping.
122
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,788
Okay. Come on, guys.
Let's go.
123
00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:50,457
All right, well, if you
do smash, wrap it up, gents.
124
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,626
Wrap it up. All right?
125
00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:54,003
And limit your number of...
126
00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:57,047
...sexual partners!
127
00:04:57,089 --> 00:05:00,426
♪♪
128
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,720
♪ Can't keep my hands
to myself ♪
129
00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,264
♪♪
130
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:09,143
♪ Think I'll dust 'em off,
put 'em back up on the shelf ♪
131
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:12,187
♪ In case my little baby girl
is in need ♪
132
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:14,648
♪ Am I coming
out of left field? ♪
133
00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:17,359
♪ Ooh, ooh, I'm a rebel
just for kicks, now ♪
134
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:20,529
♪ I've been feelin' it
since 1966, now ♪
135
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:23,699
♪ Might be over now,
but I feel it still ♪
136
00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:26,368
♪♪
137
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:29,747
♪ Ooh, ooh, I'm a rebel
just for kicks, now ♪
138
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,624
♪ Let me kick it
like it's 1986, now ♪
139
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,836
♪ Might be over now,
but I feel it still ♪
140
00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:39,131
♪ Might've had your fill,
but I feel it still ♪
141
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:40,883
You, sir, are a dancer.
142
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:42,801
-Yeah.
143
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,011
You're really good.
144
00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:46,430
Well, damn.
145
00:05:46,472 --> 00:05:48,098
We did it.
146
00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:49,725
Here.
147
00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:52,186
You know, it's funny.
148
00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,438
When we first
started lessons,
149
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,815
you know, I thought --
You had some kind
of disability?
150
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,525
Yeah, I know.
I thought the same thing.
151
00:05:58,567 --> 00:05:59,860
No.
152
00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:01,945
No, I-I actually...
153
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,783
I actually thought
something different.
154
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:08,035
When we first started,
you know,
155
00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:11,538
I thought I was
just doing this to...
156
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:14,291
I don't know -- prove
something to myself, you know?
157
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:17,211
But then after spending
these past few weeks with you...
158
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:21,965
...I realize that, uh...
159
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,884
I'm not doing this for me.
160
00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:26,136
-No.
161
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,056
I'm doing it for her.
162
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:32,935
For her. Right.
163
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,479
I mean, what if I had done this
before we got married?
164
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:38,357
What if I had danced
with her at our wedding?
165
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,235
Maybe it would have changed the
entire course of our marriage.
166
00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:43,320
So, what, you think one dance
with your ex-wife
167
00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,988
is gonna erase
all of your problems?
168
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,950
Well, you said
I was a good dancer.
169
00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:51,912
I said
you were a dancer.
170
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:53,747
You said I was
a great dancer.
171
00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:55,749
I said a dancer.
-Mm-hmm.
172
00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,336
Why do we have to wear
these matching hats?
173
00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:00,712
They're anti-aging.
174
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,297
I feel like we're in
"The Handmaid's Tale."
175
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,091
So, wait. Martin
has a girlfriend?!
176
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:05,509
It would appear
that way.
177
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:08,929
Same girl sneaking
into the garage again.
178
00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,597
Oh, my God.
How are you guys talking?
179
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:11,974
This is
practically vertical.
180
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,725
I'm gonna kill him.
181
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,644
It's okay. Whatever.
I'm dating, too.
182
00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,229
No, I'm talking
about Arthur.
183
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,647
Martin has
a girlfriend,
184
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:19,898
and that little
didn't tell me?
185
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,275
You know
what I realized?
186
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:24,027
Tomorrow was gonna be
our 16-year anniversary.
187
00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:25,779
He's already in
a relationship!
188
00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:28,282
Okay. Meanwhile, I'm gonna die
here on these steps
189
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:29,992
childless and alone.
190
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,618
Ugh! Maya!
191
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,328
If you want to have children,
192
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,289
why don't you stop whining
about it and just have some?
193
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,875
It's 2018.
There are ways, you know?
194
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,960
-Artificial insemination.
-Adoption.
195
00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:41,128
Amazon Prime.
196
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:44,298
No. Watch, you guys.
It will happen.
197
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,884
I don't know if I could
have a kid all by myself.
198
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:48,886
I can't even make it
up these steps.
199
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:51,263
Well, I think you'd be
a kick-ass single mom.
200
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:53,140
You can practice on my kids
if you want.
201
00:07:53,182 --> 00:07:54,892
Now, that is a good idea.
202
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,435
You babysit her kids.
203
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,478
Martin is dating,
so you're dating.
204
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,273
Okay. Screw it.
Maya, are you in?
205
00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,066
I'm texting Wes.
I'm in.
206
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:06,195
But promise me that you're gonna
have sex and not just dinner.
207
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,946
Well, I mean, it depends on
what we have for dinner.
208
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,573
I mean, if it's like,
something with Alfredo --
209
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,491
Camille:
No! No Alfredo!
210
00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:14,036
She needs a UTI
by first light.
211
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,871
Okay. It's been
a very long time
212
00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:17,748
since I've been with anyone
other than Martin.
213
00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,333
You know, though,
as I recall,
214
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,960
you haven't been with Martin
in a long time, either.
215
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,921
Exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
216
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,506
I mean, what will I wear?
What will we even talk about?
217
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:27,966
Don't talk about
your kids.
218
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,635
Oh, my God. I'm not
gonna talk about my kids.
219
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:30,969
He doesn't want
to hear about kids.
220
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,304
He is a kid.
221
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:36,058
Ohh. He's so young
and cool and edgy.
222
00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:37,351
Like The Fonz.
223
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:40,437
Oh, my God.
The Fonz is like 100.
224
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:46,860
You okay?
225
00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:48,654
Who, me? I'm great!
226
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,364
But if my battery dies,
I'll definitely
227
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,699
have to call an Uber,
'cause this is a long run.
228
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,952
A real long run!
229
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,411
Hey.
Hop off that thing.
230
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,205
I-I want to show you
something.
231
00:08:58,247 --> 00:08:59,706
Something gross?
232
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,041
What? No.
233
00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:03,794
No. No. I-I --
234
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:05,128
I got a gift for Lena,
235
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:07,047
and I-I want to know
what you think.
236
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:10,092
Come on. Get off the
hover board. Come here.
237
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:15,264
This is a little weird.
And yet, I've never felt safer.
238
00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,726
♪ One, two, three,
one, two, three ♪
239
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:20,686
Did you learn to dance?!
240
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:21,895
-Get closer.
-Okay.
241
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:23,313
You did!
You learned to dance!
242
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,232
-Stop fighting me so much!
-Okay, I'm sorry.
243
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:27,985
Hey! We're dancing!
244
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,489
-A while ago.
245
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:34,241
And then seeing her the
other night all dressed up,
246
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:36,952
you know, getting excited to
go out with some other dude,
247
00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:38,453
it just got me...
248
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:39,413
Shook?
249
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,747
Shook.
Yeah.
250
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,499
Yeah, I got shook.
Hey. Listen to me.
251
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,668
You promise me -- Promise me
that you're not gonna say
252
00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:46,086
anything about this
to Camille.
253
00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:47,254
What
Dude.
254
00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:48,839
She doesn't let me
keep secrets.
255
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,508
Those are the rules.
One dessert, no secrets.
256
00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:54,177
If you tell Camille, she will
tell Lena and -- and ruin it.
257
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,430
She will ruin it.
258
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,724
Tomorrow would've been our
16-year wedding anniversary,
259
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,018
and I have made
a decision.
260
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,478
I want to fix things
with Lena.
261
00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:13,530
Oh, hey, guys.
262
00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,365
What's up, cherry
Still living in Palmdale?
263
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:20,370
Hazel: Don't listen
to them, cherry-boy.
Those kids are jerks.
264
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:22,456
Oh. Hi, Hazel.
265
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:29,087
It's like, "God, math.
Why don't you just grow up
266
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,839
and solve your own problems?"
Am I right?
267
00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:33,133
Pick me up tonight in an Uber,
and I'll French you.
268
00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:35,344
What?!
If it's an uberX,
just Frenching.
269
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,888
If it's a BLACK car,
you might get to second.
270
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:40,640
And if it's an uberPOOL,
deal's off.
271
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:46,313
♪♪
272
00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:49,066
W-what if it's during
surge pricing?!
273
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:52,903
Mae: What if your baby
refuses the breast?
274
00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,821
I...offer a bottle.
275
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,490
What if your baby
doesn't want the bottle?
276
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,992
Yeah. What if your baby
only wants a Snapple?
277
00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:01,161
Call a pediatrician?
278
00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,329
Or...?
279
00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:03,830
Give the baby
the Snapple?
280
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,248
That's what I'd do.
281
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:08,627
What's the matter, Mace?
282
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,504
You don't want to play
"What if Your Baby"?
283
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,672
Mason: Fine.
284
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,466
What if your baby
285
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:17,177
was the only baby who had
never hooked up with anyone,
286
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:19,471
and all of your baby's friends
always tease your baby
287
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,181
and called your baby
"cherry
288
00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:23,934
So your baby made plans to
make out with a girl named Hazel
289
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:25,602
from math class
in a sex Uber,
290
00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:27,562
and now your baby
very much regrets it?!
291
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:30,232
Whoa.
Your baby's awesome!
292
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:34,945
Hey! My baby doesn't need
to prove anything to anyone.
293
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,530
Yes, your baby does!
294
00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:38,407
Milo. Go get a snack.
295
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:43,703
Sex Uber?
296
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,539
Mason, no.
297
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:48,041
First of all,
we're a Lyft family.
298
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,043
I think I'm just
gonna no-show.
299
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,379
Okay, uh, I know why
you're saying that.
300
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:54,840
But listen.
You just got to --
301
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,134
You got to think about how
the girl is gonna feel.
302
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:58,885
Great. My driver, Amir,
303
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,804
4.8 stars,
is now arriving.
304
00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:01,972
Okay. Listen.
305
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:03,557
If you don't like
this girl,
306
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:06,726
you don't have to do anything
you don't want to do.
307
00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,980
But you can't stand her up.
Just let her down easy.
308
00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:17,904
Wow.
Great job, Aunt Maya.
309
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:21,575
See? Maybe I-I can do
the kid thing on my own.
310
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:24,161
Yeah, you just sent
a 14-year-old
311
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,246
out for a sexcapade
on a school night.
312
00:12:26,288 --> 00:12:29,082
And I'm not supposed to
be drinking this.
313
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,501
♪♪
314
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:37,299
♪♪
315
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,259
I like your beanie.
316
00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:42,304
I'm taking it off.
Don't.
317
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:44,431
Did you wear it for me?
318
00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:45,765
No, I did not.
319
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:48,101
It feels like
you wore it for me.
320
00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:50,770
Nope. Wrong. I wear
this beanie all the time.
321
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,230
Right.
322
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,982
Did you borrow it
from your son?
323
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:55,484
Stop it!
324
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,862
Oh, so I guess
we don't have to worry
325
00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:01,448
about finding a table,
because there aren't any.
326
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:02,949
Oh, no need for a table.
You'll be done eating it
327
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,701
30 seconds after
he hands it to you.
328
00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,077
That's funny that you
think I'm eating this.
329
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,413
Oh, you are absolutely
eating this.
330
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,624
I know we're just kind of
getting to know each other,
331
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:12,042
but you should be
made aware --
332
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:14,461
meat that comes
from one of those...
333
00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:16,796
slathered in sauce
from one of those,
334
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,507
served in one of these
335
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:22,093
is never going
inside of this.
336
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,138
Oh, first of all,
that is not just meat.
337
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,515
That is al pastor.
338
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:29,476
Okay, it's meat that
has had his fingers in it.
339
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,269
Oh, you want those
fingers in there.
340
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,647
I mean, those fingers are
responsible for half the taste.
341
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:37,901
If I could lick each and every
one of those fingers, I would.
342
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:40,820
¿Qué van a ordenar?
343
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,322
Dos al pastor.
344
00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,449
Y dedos extras,
por favor.
345
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,203
That's "extra fingers"
in Spanish.
346
00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:50,163
Lena: Got it. Okay.
347
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:52,541
Gracias.
348
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:56,378
How do you say "gloves"
in Spanish?
349
00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:00,549
Okay. Don't be mad.
I'm so sorry. I just --
350
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:03,426
I-I-I-I am not a "street meat"
kind of girl.
351
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,262
Well, maybe you are
a "street meat" kind of girl
352
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,680
and you just
don't know it yet.
353
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,598
I don't think so.
354
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,685
All right. Come on.
One tiny bite?
355
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,772
Don't be the girl
who didn't try.
356
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:18,108
Hmm?
357
00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:29,327
Oh, my God!
358
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:30,453
Exactly.
359
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:33,039
-Oh, my God!
360
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,083
Are those his fingers
that I'm tasting?
361
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:37,252
All ten of them.
362
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,421
Mmm.
363
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,214
Told ya.
364
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:43,133
I bet when you left
the house tonight,
365
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:45,343
you never would have dreamed
you'd be eating street meat
366
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,803
and making out
in a parking lot.
367
00:14:46,845 --> 00:14:49,556
Yeah, well, we're not
exactly making out.
368
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:55,061
♪♪
369
00:14:55,103 --> 00:15:00,692
♪♪
370
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,702
Hey. Come on in.
371
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,078
Quick, quick, quick,
quick, quick, quick.
372
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,750
Oh. You're...
in your underwear.
373
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,127
Thank you, uh, for coming
on such short notice.
374
00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:20,503
I can pay you.
375
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,255
That's not necessary.
What's going on?
376
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:23,882
I'm n-nervous.
377
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,842
I'm, like, really,
really nervous.
378
00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:28,136
I've completely blanked on
everything that we've worked on.
379
00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:29,846
I mean, is it --
is it left foot forward?
380
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,348
Is it left foot back?
381
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:34,392
Okay. You always lead, okay?
Don't overthink it.
382
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,770
You're way beyond
the basic waltz.
Okay.
383
00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:40,649
♪ One, two, three,
one, two, three ♪
384
00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:44,778
Your body will remember it,
even if you don't.
385
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:47,906
Thank you, Charlotte,
for the refresher.
386
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,783
I just want everything
387
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,535
to be perfect tonight
for Lena, you know?
388
00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:55,288
I'm sure it will be.
389
00:15:55,330 --> 00:16:00,126
And, um, I-I don't think
that you need lessons anymore,
390
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,670
because you're really good.
391
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,797
So I'm gonna go.
392
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:05,173
Hey, hey. Wait.
393
00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:07,884
You okay?
394
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,428
No, I'm not.
395
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,639
When you texted me,
I half-expected you
396
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:15,016
to come to your senses
and -- and talk to me
397
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:17,310
about something other
than your ex-wife.
398
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,271
Oh. Ohh.
399
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,818
Oh.
400
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:27,779
Oh. Uh, I'm sorry.
401
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,698
I'm just --
402
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:32,659
Just gonna try
to find a-a robe.
403
00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:34,786
I'm sorry if I made you
uncomfortable.
404
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,162
No! I'm not.
405
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:40,125
Well, you're hiding behind
an iron and a placemat.
406
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,377
So I'm gonna go.
407
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,921
I should probably
408
00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:48,091
let you...go.
409
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:58,351
♪♪
410
00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:04,607
♪ And I was a boy
from school ♪
411
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,194
Cool Uber, huh?
412
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:09,654
Yeah.
413
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:12,907
♪ Helplessly helping
all the rules ♪
414
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,368
Um...
415
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:17,871
Look, Hazel, I know you
were probably expecting
416
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:20,707
a really deep
Frenching tonight,
417
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:24,669
but, TBH,
I'm just not ready.
418
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,755
I was just tired of being
the only kid at school
419
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:29,215
who hadn't hooked up
with someone.
420
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:31,718
You're not the only kid.
421
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,970
-Yeah.
422
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,014
And TB even more H,
423
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,684
I get made fun of all the time
for being "inexperienced."
424
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,061
I'm not even sure
what second base is.
425
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:46,483
I think I know,
but I-I was --
426
00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,693
I was gonna ask you
to confirm.
427
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:52,113
Come on! I wasn't even born
in this country, and I know.
428
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:54,407
It's the stuff
with the boobs.
429
00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:57,911
Okay.
430
00:17:57,952 --> 00:18:01,539
♪♪
431
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:07,253
♪♪
432
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,097
Wes, Wes, Wes.
433
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:20,308
What are we doing?
434
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,185
W
435
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,396
I don't know.
436
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:29,067
Even with the beanie, I just --
I see you with someone cooler.
437
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,902
I just -- I see you
with someone like
438
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,862
the Girl with
the Dragon Tattoo.
439
00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:36,115
I don't like the Girl
with the Dragon Tattoo.
440
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,619
I like the Girl with
the Pearl Earring.
441
00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:42,580
Are you talking about
the painting or...?
442
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,915
You.
443
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:47,877
I'm talking about you.
444
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:51,214
Me
445
00:18:53,007 --> 00:19:02,767
♪♪
446
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:12,569
♪♪
447
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,821
If I get syphilis tonight,
it's totally worth it.
448
00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,489
I don't have syphilis.
449
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,741
I just got chills
when you said that.
450
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:21,327
That's, like -- That's,
like, hypochondriac porn.
451
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,495
Say it again.
452
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:23,788
I don't have syphilis.
453
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,999
What about meat guy's
fingers?
454
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,168
-Totally sanitary.
-Mmm.
455
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,588
I am so turned on
right now.
456
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,465
And if there was gonna be
gastrointestinal upset,
we'd have it.
457
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,675
And I feel fine.
458
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,387
What am I gonna
do with you?
459
00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:41,973
♪ Hello, my old heart ♪
460
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:44,601
♪ How have you been? ♪
461
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:48,521
♪ Are you still there
inside my chest? ♪
462
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,525
♪ I've been so worried ♪
463
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:55,528
♪ You've been so still ♪
464
00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:58,531
♪ Barely beating at all ♪
465
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,493
♪ Ohh ♪
466
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,121
♪ Don't leave me here alone ♪
467
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,457
♪ Don't tell me
that we've grown ♪
468
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:10,919
♪ For having loved
a little while ♪
469
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,004
♪ Ohh ♪
470
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,965
♪ I don't want to be alone ♪
471
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:18,051
♪ I want to find a home ♪
472
00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:21,054
♪ And I want to share it
with you ♪
473
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:24,515
♪♪
474
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:31,189
Mae: What if your baby
goes MIA
475
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,774
and refuses to
answer his phone?
476
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:34,859
Kill yourself is the answer?
Kill yourself?!
477
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:37,236
Ohh! Look! There he is!
There he is!
478
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,906
Oh! There's my baby.
479
00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:45,244
♪♪
480
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:47,372
What's up, cherry
Move out of Palmdale?
481
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,623
Shut up, Mae.
482
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,124
Hey, Aunt Maya,
483
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:52,543
I know I said I didn't
really like that girl,
484
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,754
but we actually had
a great time.
485
00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:57,757
I-I'm glad I went.
So thanks.
486
00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,509
Huh.
487
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:02,553
So, did I do great,
488
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,514
or did I put his life
in jeopardy?
489
00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:06,557
I-I can't even tell.
490
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:12,397
Oh! Maybe that's just
what parenting is.
491
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:15,984
Okay, I'm just gonna
call this one a "win" then.
492
00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:20,405
Hey. You guys want to
go stalk Rudy with me?
493
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:24,659
♪♪
33196
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