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1
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:15,199
FOOTBALL SOUNDS ON TV
Inside. Come on, yes.
2
00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:16,879
Through. Come on!
3
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:18,359
Yeah!
4
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:20,119
Now, why would I do
a chip-through ball
5
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,159
when one-on-one with the keeper?
6
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:25,079
Oh, shut up, Stu,
I can hear you laughing.
7
00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:26,959
Come on, tackle him...
8
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,079
No, get to him, get to him!
9
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:30,999
No... No!
10
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,080
No!
11
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,999
Oh, come on, mate,
don't watch while I play. Sorry.
12
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,079
I wasn't talking to you.
13
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,600
It's my friend, who I'm playing.
14
00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,519
Is he shy?
15
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,599
No. No, he isn't here.
16 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,399
16
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:49,959
We're playing online.
17
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,719
It's the annual
Sociology Cup of Nations.
18
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,000
Played every year since university.
19
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,559
HE SIGHS HEAVILY
20
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,719
Yes, well done, Stu.
21
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,479
Which team are you?
22
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,879
Joshenham Hotspur.
23
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:06,199
HE CHUCKLES
24
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,240
Joshenham Hotspur!
25
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:12,039
That sounds like Tottenham,
but with Josh...
26
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,319
Oh, that's delightful.
27
00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:15,959
Thank you.
28
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:18,799
You know, I think that's the first
time you've actually made me laugh.
29
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:20,159
I know you say you're a comedian,
31 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,959
30
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,119
HE LAUGHS
31
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,839
Like Tottenham, but with Josh.
Yes!
32
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,079
That is good.
33
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,320
HE CHUCKLES
34
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,039
Er, excuse me?
35
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:42,199
What the hell are you doing?
I'm just eating some ham.
36
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,199
You can't just help yourself
to our ham.
37
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,239
Susan!
38
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:46,919
Susan!
39
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,919
Just coming! Yes, Brian?
40
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,559
What the hell is going on?
Hello, Owen. This is Brian.
41
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,559
He's going to be doing
a few shifts here. 44
42
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,399
Well, it was just yoga
until Susan turned up.
43
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,879
SHE LAUGHS
You'll make me blush!
44
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,199
Anyway, we got talking
45
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,599
and I mentioned that we could
do with an extra pair of hands.
46
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,759
And I said, "That's considered
cheating in yoga."
47
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,919
Obviously,
we just laughed and laughed!
48
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:12,159
Yeah, we did laugh.
49
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,039
Well, it was hard not to.
50
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,039
Anyway, er, nice to meet you, Brian.
51
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:19,279
I've got a bit of paperwork to do,
so can you show Brian the ropes?
52
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:20,480
Of course.
56 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,599
53
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,439
No, you're all right.
54
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:28,800
Oh... OK.
55
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,759
You're sure you don't mind
me having a go?
56
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,079
Honestly, it'll be so good
to get my confidence up.
57
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,239
Well, this is what it's all about,
isn't it?
58
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,800
Two best friends, hanging out,
computer gaming.
59
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,760
So I'll just let you get the hang
of the controls first.
60
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,759
What was that?
61
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,719
Have you played before?
Why, am I good at this?
62
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,759
Can you stop doing keepie uppies?
67 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,160
63
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,599
Yes, goal!
64
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,119
How did that happen?
65
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,159
Geoff-field Wednesday!
66
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,399
Did you see I called it
Geoff-field Wednesday? I got it.
67
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,719
It's like Sheffield Wednesday,
but I put Geoff instead.
68
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,839
No, I understand the joke.
Geoff-field Wednesday.
69
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,879
Are you some kind of Fifa savant?
70
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,039
No! No, I'm not.
71
00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:16,519
Savants tend to lack social skills.
72
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,079
Well, you must have played before,
then, mustn't you?
73
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:20,159
Not this.
74
00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:23,279
Although, back in the '90s,I did get into Kick Off 2.
75
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,039
I actually played
in the British Championships.
76
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,239
Or the Kickies, as they were known.
77
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,839
Oh, great days.
78
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,280
Great women.
79
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,239
The hickies I got at the Kickies...
80
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,479
Geoff, don't run your keeper out
with the ball, that's a dick's move.
81
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,120
No, I said don't run your keeper
out with the ball.
82
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,879
No way! 2-0.
83
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:48,039
God, this is pointless.
You're better than Stu!
84
00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,159
Actually, you're better than Stu.
85
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,519
Geoff, how would you feel about
86
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,399
taking temporary chargeof Joshenham Hotspur?
87
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,159
I'd be honoured.
88
00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:00,199
And my first decision,
as caretaker manager,
89
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,759
to ban you from ever playing again.
90
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:03,920
You're the boss.
91
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,359
But, I mean,
the thing about photography is,
92
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,319
you know, it's more difficult
than you think.
93
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,039
It's not just about pointing
the camera in the right direction,
94
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,959
otherwise anyone
could turn professional.
95
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,199
And they can't.
96
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,559
For instance, I haven't.
97
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,959
Yeah, well, I'm jealous of anyone
who can take good photos. 103
98
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:27,919
I love the zoo. Yeah?
99
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,039
I'm just one of those people
who loves animals.
100
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,239
Or does that mean
I wouldn't like the zoo?
101
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,279
Well, yeah, but the main thing
for me about the zoo
102
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:36,439
is it's a great place for parents
to take their kids.
103
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,159
Oh, yeah, that is the one drawback.
104
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,880
Kate, what I'm trying to tell you is
I have a daughter.
105
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,479
Which is great.
106
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,439
Are you sure? Because I totally
understand if it's an issue. 113
107
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:51,639
Great.
108
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,119
Yeah, really, really, really great.
109
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,159
Yeah.
110
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:57,560
Oh, the old daughter.
111
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,879
How old is the old daughter?
112
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,519
Your daughter,
how old is your daughter?
113
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:04,919
Lola is ten.
114
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,359
Oh, Lola...
115
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,279
That's such a beautiful name.
Thank you.
116
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:09,999
Her name was Lola
117
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,759
She was a showgirl
118
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,719
With yellow feathers in her hair
119
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,520
And a dress cut down to...
120
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:20,879
Shall we get another drink?
128 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,000
121
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,400
Right...
122
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,199
Here we go. Thank you.
123
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,919
Brian is the laziest man
of all time.
124
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,239
He couldn't get the Panini maker
to work the other day,
125
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,159
so he warms up a Panini in the oven
126
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,440
and then just flattened it
under a copy of Cloud Atlas.
127
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,839
How did things go with Chris?
Oh, amazing.
128
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:51,879
He's handsome, funny...
129
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:53,319
What's the third thing?
130
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,879
Oh, yeah, he has a child.
Why didn't you tell me that? 139
131
00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,880
Well, it's not an issue.
132
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,119
Well, it's a very small issue.
But it's not a big issue.
133
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,039
It's not a big issue at all.
134
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,679
I mean, if it was a problem,
135
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,520
I wouldn't buy it
off a homeless person.
136
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:11,759
Because it's not a Big Issue.
Right. OK.
137
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,759
Well, you seem very chilled
about it.
138
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:15,759
I am super chilled about it.
139
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:19,000
In fact, I am so chilled
I'm actually meeting Lola next week.
140
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,439
That's a bit quick, isn't it?
Calm down, Angelina Jolie. 150
141
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,239
Oh, all right. Oh, I get it.
142
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:31,359
So it's such an issue you've ended
up massively overcompensating.
143
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,479
Well, maybe. But I'll have you know,
I'm actually very good with kids.
144
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,679
Oh, come on, Kate. You pushed
a child out of the way at Crufts.
145
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,199
He cut in front of me in the queue
to meet Pudsey.
146
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,999
And I didn't push him.
147
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,120
I just gently rolled his chair
out of the way.
148
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,199
Oh!
149
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:55,799
I think you'll find, Stu,
that is three games all. 160
150
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,239
How did I do all those rabonas?
151
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,879
You press R2 and double tap
the analogue stick.
152
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:07,359
I simply pressed R2 and
double tapped the analogue stick.
153
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,639
I'll tell you what, Stu,
I'll let you practice them
154
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,279
in readiness for the decider.
155
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,080
See you later, mate.
156
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:17,079
Oh, my God,
I can't wait for tomorrow.
157
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,839
I feel like my whole life
has been leading to this point.
158
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,279
He has never thought
I could be good at anything.
159
00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:23,799
Well, you're not.
171 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,319
160
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:30,559
The point is, I am going to be going
home with a sweet ?100 prize kitty.
161
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,199
Sorry, do you mean
there's money riding on this?
162
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:36,399
Josh, you know my views on gambling.
163
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,239
Oh, no, no, this isn't gambling.
164
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:39,599
This is a prize pot.
165
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,119
I'm sorry, I can't have any more
to do with this.
166
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,599
I refuse to cheat strangers
out of their money.
167
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,879
You've raised our rent
twice in the last year.
168
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,120
You're not strangers.
169
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,039
5:30. I'm off.
170
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,679
But we've still got to wash upand clean all the tables.
171
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,439
Yeah, I can't.
I really need to get home.
172
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,640
It's 30 minutes till Eggheads.
What?
173
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,559
The prize pot's up to ?12,000,
the Eggheads are due a defeat,
174
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:11,839
I don't want to risk missing it
175
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,879
because I really, really, really
hate them.
176
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,119
Oh, OK...
177
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,839
Now what are you doing?
178
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:18,959
Just taking my half of the tips.
179
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,479
But you didn't earn any.
180
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,439
The only customer
you spoke to all day was Julie,
181
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,639
who you really offended.
She looked like Ronnie Wood. 194
182
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,159
You made her play air guitar.
183
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,999
I always say, if something's worth
doing, it's worth doing properly.
184
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,159
Oh, do you? Because when I
asked you to clean the loo,
185
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,399
you said you'd already done it
186
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,679
by aiming your stream of urine
at the offending areas.
187
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:38,919
It's the most hygienic way.
188
00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:41,039
That way,
I don't have to touch the toilet.
189
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,360
There is no change for this,
so I'll have to owe you.
190
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,839
The thing is, you don't have to knowwhat all the buttons do.
191
00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:57,559
I mean, I don't.
Well, thank you, Kate.
192
00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:59,599
We've had a really good day,
haven't we? Mm-hm.
193
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,119
Oh, same.
PHONE JINGLE
194
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,319
I'm so sorry, can I take this?
Yeah, we'll be fine.
195
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:05,520
Can I take a look?
196
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:07,959
Oh, that one's great!
197
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,079
You could put that
in the photography competition.
198
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,319
No.
199
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:13,119
This is my favourite.
200
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,519
Ah, yeah, that is good.
But do you remember...
201
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:16,839
..I took that one?
202
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,599
Remember?
216 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,039
203
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,399
and I framed it up with that
crisp packet I put on the floor.
204
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,920
Remember, I explained I was making
an important point about littering?
205
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,919
Could we say I took it?
206
00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:30,679
Well...
207
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,159
It could win.
208
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:35,999
Well, I mean, it would definitely
win. But that would be lying.
209
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,880
But it's a brilliant photo.
People should see it.
210
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,520
Oh, well, that is...
211
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,039
..a fair point.
212
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,320
I suppose you were there, so,
in a way, it is our photo.
213
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:50,879
Maybe this could just beour little secret,
214
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,359
just between you, me and your dad.
Thank you, Kate.
215
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,199
Right. Sorry about that.
216
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,679
How are we doing?
217
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,719
Wow, that's a great photo!
218
00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,240
Did you take that one, Lola?
Yeah.
219
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,159
Lola? OK...
220
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,039
It was Kate's crisp packet.
221
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,079
Kate, I do think you should be
littering in front to my daughter.
222
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,599
That's the point I was making
with the photo.
223
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:14,519
Who's a clever girl?
Isn't she amazing?
224
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:15,600
Yeah...
225
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:30,199
Good to see you, Brian,but you are 40 minutes late.
226
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,239
I had a terrible night.
Oh, right.
227
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,639
Oh, sorry. Erm, what happened?
228
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,039
The Eggheads won again.
229
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,199
And?
230
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,920
That's it.
231
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,319
Well, er, in better news, Brian,
232
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,719
to welcome you into the team,
I've got you a little present.
233
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,199
Look, it's your very own tips jar.
234
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,079
No, I don't want that.
235
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,439
Well, you're having it,
236
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,159
because I didn't finish
and wash out a jar
237
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:53,999
of my flatmate's piccalilli
for nothing.
238
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,439
I'm happy with the current system.
253 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:57,839
239
00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,759
From now on, it's all change.
And, yes, that pun was intentional.
240
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,559
I actually practised it
on my way in,
241
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:05,240
when I arrived on time
40 minutes ago.
242
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:12,719
HE SIGHS HEAVILY
243
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,080
DOORBELL CHIMES
244
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,479
Geoff!
I came over as quickly as I could.
245
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:21,879
Let's have a look at that
wonky ballcock. Er, about that...
246
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,279
Some people might laugh
at the concept of a wonky ballcock,
247
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,679
but I happen to know it's one ofthe most devastating things
248
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:28,999
that can happen to a toilet.
Geoff, I've fixed it.
249
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,999
Oh, right...
But since you're here,
250
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,920
can I have a quick word with you
about something? How did you fix it?
251
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,599
With just the right amount
of patience and care.
252
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:38,679
Ah, OK.
253
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:40,839
Now, I'm not sure
if I was clear yesterday...
254
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,719
Actually,
that is ridiculously vague.
255
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,559
Did you reconnect the flapper valve?
Yeah, that's exactly what I did.
256
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:48,039
It's flapping away nicely.It's not supposed to flap.
257
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,479
Geoff, the ballcock is fine.
It wasn't broken.
258
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,760
I just need your help with Fifa.
259
00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:55,559
You used the flat against me?
260
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:56,959
My Achilles heel?
261
00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,639
Only because I really, really want
to beat Stu.
262
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,159
Now, I know it shouldn't matter,
263
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,159
but he has bullied me
for years about being shit at stuff.
264
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,999
And now, finally,
I'm not the worst at something.
265
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,439
Well, I am the worst at it,
but he doesn't know that.
266
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,559
Please, tomorrow night,
just one more game. 282
267
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:16,599
Absolutely not.
268
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,880
Geoff...
269
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:22,440
Isn't this what friends
do for each other?
270
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:26,039
You consider me a friend?
271
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,840
Yes.
272
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,360
A best friend?
273
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,880
Very much so.
274
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,519
Then that is why
I'll always have your back.
275
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,359
Great, we'll split the money 50-50.
276
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,279
80-20, in my favour.
277
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,800
See you at kick-off!
278
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,559
I said I'm not made of scone
but I will be if I keep eating them.
279
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:49,599
SHE GIGGLES
280
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,240
Thanks. No problem.
281
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,280
What happened there?
298 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,920
282
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:05,279
Er, Brian, what's Crabble's disease?
283
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:06,639
Oh, don't you know?
No.
284
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:09,199
It's a very, very bad disease.
Oh, yeah? What are the symptoms?
285
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,719
Well, the main one is... death.
286
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,359
Right. And before that?
287
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,919
An impending fear of death.
288
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:18,519
Brian, I've never heard anyone
mention Crabble's disease.
289
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:20,439
Losing your voice,
that's another symptom.
290
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:22,959
Oh, Brian, you can't just
relabel your tips jar
291
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,519
with some made-up charity.
292
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,319
How dare you suggest that?
310 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:29,519
293
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,680
For instance,
my great-granddad is now dead.
294
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:35,320
And prior to that,
he had an impending fear of it.
295
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,719
TV ON IN BACKGROUND
296
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:47,279
I think Brian is comfortably
the weirdest man I have ever met.
297
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:51,239
I'm quite a chilled-out guy, but
he is pushing me close to my limits.
298
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,679
Why don't you just tell Susan?
299
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:55,039
Because Susan's
totally infatuated with him,
300
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,839
despite the fact that he eats
mayonnaise straight from the jar.
301
00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,199
Who does that?
320 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:02,079
302
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,359
Erm, Kate ate it.
303
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:04,719
What was that?
304
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,479
Nothing. Erm, how was the
mother-and-daughter bonding session?
305
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,399
It turns out Lola
is a top-level fraudster.
306
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,719
She wants to enter one of my photos
into the competition
307
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,279
and pretend it's hers.
308
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,159
She's like Milli Vanilli,
but female.
309
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,879
And in primary school.
310
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,239
And there's only one of her.
311
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,719
Parents do that sort of thing
all the time, don't they?
312
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,439
Do you really think I had the bestjoined-up writing in West Wales
313
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,039
for the under tens?
No. But my dad did.
314
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,119
The man's hand
flows like a river.
315
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,519
It's not about the competition.
It's about Chris.
316
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,639
She's told him that she took
the photo
317
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,839
and now he is doting over her saying
she is the next Annie Leibovitz.
318
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,879
I took the photo. If anyone's
the next Annie Leibovitz,
319
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,759
I'm the next Annie Leibovitz.
Can you stop saying Annie Leibovitz?
320
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,959
Who's Annie Leibovitz?
You're looking at her, mate. 340
321
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,439
I know it's a tough ask,
but out of the two of you,
322
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,079
try and be the least childish.
323
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:54,359
Well, she started it!
324
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,399
Sorry, Kate,
are you jealous of a nine-year-old
325
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:57,959
because her dad's proud of her?
326
00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,159
No.
327
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:00,200
She's ten.
328
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:11,839
HE SIGHS
329
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:13,999
Brian, are you going to help me
set up?
330
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,400
I've told you, I'll help
when I've finished the arrow word.
331
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:19,479
Morning, Owen. Morning.
332
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,599
Good morning, Brian.Morning, Susan.
333
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,519
You look like Marilyn Monroe today.
334
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:24,879
Do I?
335
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:25,999
Yes.
336
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,040
Er, Susan,
can I have a word, please?
337
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,000
Of course, Owen.
338
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,199
Is this about the tips?
Er, well, yeah. Right.
339
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,959
I've spoken to Brian
and he says that you're worried
340
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:40,719
that his charity work's
impacting on your tips.
341
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,639
Oh, wait, no, no, that's not what's
happening at all. The problem is...
342
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:44,919
Oh, that's such a relief.
343
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,959
Because what he's doing
is inspirational. 364
344
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,239
called the Crabble Bucket Challenge.
345
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,679
What's that?
It's what it sounds like.
346
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,719
Celebrities tip buckets of crabs
over their heads.
347
00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:00,759
Susan, have you ever heard of anyone
with Crabble's?
348
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,039
Yes. Oh...
349
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,799
Well, Brian's great-grandfather
passed away from it.
350
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,759
Yeah, his death
still deeply affects me.
351
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,719
Do you still want me to make you
a cake for the memorial service?
352
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,799
I'm not made of scone, but I will beif I keep eating them.
353
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,759
Oh, Brian...!
354
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:18,479
I really admire your ability
to laugh through the pain.
355
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:19,719
Oh...
356
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,239
In fact, we were just discussing
your charity work.
357
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,959
Oh, I'm taking the money
to the hospice this evening.
358
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,559
I'm missing Eggheads,
but some things are more important.
359
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,440
Oh, you are a good man, Brian.
360
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,639
You know, only last month,
361
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,279
he ran a marathon
for the children of Momutu.
362
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,879
I've never heard of Momutu.
363
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,720
That's why I'm running -
to raise awareness. 385
364
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,519
Can you believe she won?
Well, it is the best photograph.
365
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,479
You are such a talented girl.
366
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:55,959
For her age group.
367
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,519
For any age group, I'd say, Lola.
368
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,599
Oh, Miss Williams, hello.
How lovely to see you. You, too.
369
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,519
Congratulations, Lola.
Thanks, Miss Williams.
370
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,759
It was a fantastic photo.
It is, isn't it?
371
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:10,919
Sorry, I don't think we've met.
I'm Ruth. Lola's very proud teacher.
372
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:14,359
I'm Kate.Lola's very influential mentor.
373
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:16,159
It was her crisp packet
in the picture.
374
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,959
Oh, right...
375
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:19,639
I picked it up afterwards.
376
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:23,039
Kate is a photographer and she's
been passing on her wisdom to Lola.
377
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:27,159
Well, Lola, when you grow up, maybe
you'll be a photographer like Kate.
378
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,959
Yes.
But I want to be a professional.
379
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,399
Oh, I'm sure you will be.
380
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,759
I could pay you
to set up my equipment, Kate.
381
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:37,799
Oh, that's very kind of you, Lola.
But, erm... by the time you grow up,
382
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,159
the digital revolutionundefined
405 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,079
383
00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:44,759
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