All language subtitles for Superstore.S03E18.WEBRip.x264-ION10_English

- Today is local vendors day.

This is Cloud 9's way
of supporting

the local small business owners

we're constantly putting
out of business.

And this year,
we have a very special vendor.

Just look at these
beautiful needlepoints.

This is certainly
an exciting product.

- Glenn, we all know
that's your wife.

- No, no, it isn't.

She is just a talented
craftswoman who is gracing us

with her presence.

- Thank you, kind sir.

I appreciate the opportunity
to sell my crafts

in your lovely store.

- Well, the pleasure
is all ours.

It's just so exciting to have
such a beautiful stranger

at our vendor fair.

- What's happening?
- I think it's foreplay.

- Glenn, are you gonna tell
your wife that you're flirting

with one of the vendors?

- Oh, I don't think
she'll mind.

- Oh, so you guys have
an open marriage.

- What's that?

- It means you're allowed
to have sex

with people
who aren't your spouse.

- [whispering]
It's like the Walkers.

- Oh.
Oh, oh, God, no!

- Then why are you trying
to get at the vendor lady?

- Are you cheating on Jerusha?

- You know what?
I'm gonna call her.

- No, don't call her.
[cell phone vibrates]

- She deserves to know.

- Don't answer that!

[upbeat music]

♪

- $8 for a bar of soap

just 'cause it's shaped weird
and wrapped in twine?

- Well, it's artisanal.
It's organic.

- [scoffs, sniffs]

Ugh. I don't need my soap
to be organic.

We have science now.

Science has created chemicals
that keep us clean.

Handcrafted locally
sourced beer.

What does that even mean?

- Well, what makes
a microbrew special is--

- Know what? That actually
looks kind of interesting.

I think I'm gonna check it out.

- Oh, because of the, uh,
the cute girl?

- No, 'cause it's ardisenal.

- Did you just say "ardisenal"?

- Whatever, man.
Leave me alone.

- Well, things are going well
with beverage guy.

I mean, he waves,
you wave.

- Yeah, we've been on
a couple dates.

He's--he's sweet.

- Wow, I bet dating has changed
so much since your time.

How did you guys
even send each other

naked photos of yourselves?

- Uh, just in the mail.

- Oh, my God.
So much effort.

- I sent a nude fax once.

- Full face?
- Full face.

I mean,
an artist signs her work.

- ♪ Hate me,
say what you want about me ♪

♪ But all of the boys
and all of the girls ♪

♪ Are begging to
if you seek Amy ♪

♪ La...

- Dina, hey.
I made something for you.

Just as, you know,
a little thank-you for,

you know, the gift that you're
giving to Glenn and me.

- Wow.
- It's a stork.

'Cause you're bringing us
a baby.

- Gosh, what intricate work.

- Yeah, it took me
over 30 hours.

- Amazing.
Yeah.

You know what?
I actually can't accept this.

No offense, but it just really
freaks me out.

And I do not want this
in my home.

Or, to be honest,
on the planet.

Thanks.
- Oh, okay.

- Wow. Can't believe you came
on your day off

to sell cheese you made
out of breast milk.

- Yeah, well, it's been a lot
of trial and error.

You know, if you don't get
the consistency just right,

you get boob yogurt,

and that's just gross.

And then there's
the scavenging.

Oh, and then my lizard
ate a bunch of my samples.

- Wait, wait, wait.
Let's go back to scavenging.

- Well, I mainly work
with found milk.

- Found milk?
- Mm-hmm.

You know, a mom leaves a bottle
on a table at a food court,

and you figure she's okay
with people taking a little

off the top.

- [chuckles]

[gags]

[upbeat music]

♪

- Ever since the storm,
he's become

the most amazing hider.

Sometimes I can't find him
for days.

- That's great.

- Hey, were you guys talking
about Jerry?

- Yeah, this weekend,

we're taking the rails
off the toilet.

- Yeah, hey, you know what'd be
really good for his recovery?

A nice cozy scarf
from Jerusha's booth.

Better get over there fast,
you know,

before she sells out.

- Oh, did--did you want us
to go right now?

- Whoa, someone's excited.

Yeah, go ahead.

- But, uh...

Uh, yep.
Okay, let's go.

- Whoa, I am jealous of you.

- I like the label.
It's very, uh, artisanal.

- Thanks, yeah.
Would you like a taste?

- All right, cheers.
- Cheers.

- Mmm, it, uh--

wow, it tastes like Bud Light.

- [laughs]
You're funny.

- Well, yeah, I mean,
I'm definitely a little bit

of a crack-up,
but this is Bud Light, right?

- No. I guess if you're not
used to drinking craft beer,

it might take a little time
for your palate to adjust.

- Or it might be Bud Light.
[chuckles]

- Hmm.

- You know, if you buy
just one more scarf,

you get a free other scarf.

- Um...

Sure.
Let's do it.

- So it seems like, uh,

Jerusha's sales seem to be
picking up a little bit, huh?

- Yeah.
God, I am so proud of her.

'Cause, you know, needlepoint
comes easy to a lot of people.

But not Jerusha.

- I just can't help but wonder
if some of the employees

might feel a little pressured,
you know, to buy her stuff.

- I'm not pressuring anyone.

- No, of course not,
but there's--

yeah, I think there's
an inherent coercive power

that you wield
over the employees,

even--even if you're
not conscious of it.

- Yeah, sure, sure,
but you know,

I think if I was doing
something subconsciously,

I'd know it.

- Right.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, I just, you know--
I think, uh--

I think what I'm saying is,

just be careful how you use
your power.

- Maybe you should be careful
how you use your power...

Handsome.

- Wow.
- Hey.

- Did you design this?
This is very impressive.

- It came to me in a dream.

A really boring dream.

And it is taking forever.

- Well, you know,
if you get hungry,

I highly recommend
the mini burritos.

I've had, like...
like, one.

- I don't know,
there's something lame about

a burnout white dude
making money off Mexican food.

- Yeah, but in fairness
to Burrito Brian,

I don't think
he's making any money.

And I'm pretty sure
he sleeps in his van.

And he did spend some time
in Costa Rica.

- Burritos aren't from
Costa Rica.

- Yeah, no, I know.
Obviously.

They're from other places.

- Be careful.

I'm gonna have to take away
your Latina card.

- [laughs]

Yeah, my Latina card.

Here you go.
Take it.

[laughs]

No, um, that's a picture
of a kid.

I found this on the sidewalk

and I felt really weird
about throwing it away.

.

- If you were to describe me--
you know, like,

"Amy is the blank one,"
what would you say?

- Amy is the bossy one.

- Oh, Amy's the divorced one.

- Amy's the mad one.
The loud one.

Ooh, the sad one.

- Oh, I could see that.
- No, something more obvious.

Like--like about my identity.

Like, what am I?
- Oh, the short one.

- The older one.
- Mmm, Amy's the Miranda one.

- Guys, I'm the Latina one.

- Uh...
- Sort of.

- I mean, I guess technically.

- What do you mean?
I am Latina.

That's a fact.

- I mean, you don't even
like spicy food, so...

- Yeah, and you're not that
good of a dancer.

Not that all Latinos
are good dancers,

but it definitely feels like
you're one level below

wherever you should be.
- I get it.

This is the first time
you've dated a Latino guy,

and you're out of your element.

- I am not out of my element.

I--I am the element.

I'm--the element
is in me.

- Okay, quick tip.

Just call him "papi" at the end
of every sentence.

You'll drive him wild.

- Okay, no, that's not a thing.

- It works.
- It really does.

I've dated a lot of Latin men.

A lot of them.

- None of you feel pressured

to buy Jerusha's needlepoint,
right?

- Actually, it did feel like

we kind of had
to buy something.

- Had to because of me?

Or had to because
you appreciate quality?

- You?

But maybe quality.
I don't know.

- Come on, you guys should
know me by now.

I never pressure you.

So this is not my fault.

- I felt pressured to buy
cookies from your foster kids.

And then someone in Tucson
bought a Vespa

with my credit card,
and the bank said

I had to prove that I wasn't
in Tucson.

How would I even do that?

- You take a picture
of yourself with a newspaper

not from Tucson.

- You made me take care of the
tropical fish that you raised

even though I can't afford
the tank maintenance.

I had to take out a loan.

- My sister was in labor,
and you needed me

to change your screensaver
to flying toasters.

She gave birth in her tub.

- Okay, okay.

Okay, I--I am sorry, then.

I'll never pressure you again.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- [laughs]

And it's like, why would I even
want a Vespa?

My vertigo was going crazy
at the time.

I had to sit down
in the shower.

- So I can do hats
with squirrels on them.

I can do scarves
with birds on them.

- What about a scarf
with a squirrel on it?

- No.

I mean, I guess technically
I could.

But no, I just don't feel
comfortable with that.

- ¿Qué pasa, amigo? ¿Cómo estás?

- Hey, what's up?
- Ah, answering in inglés?

I'm gonna have to take away
your Latino card.

- I guess you do.

I had no idea
you spoke Spanish.

- Oh, sí, claro que sí.

We spoke Spanish in mi casa
all the time.

Uh, lunes, martes, miércoles,
and so on.

- [speaking rapid Spanish]

[mimics cat meowing]

- Mm.

- [speaking Spanish]

- No.
- [speaking Spanish]

- That is Bud Light.
- Thank you.

- But you know what?
Who cares?

- No, no, man.
I don't care.

It's just that I want her
to admit that I'm right.

- Mm-hmm.
- You know, it's about respect.

- Right, that sounds
like caring.

- No, no, no, no, dude.
I don't care.

It's just important to me.

- Oh, okay, so that's
the definition of caring.

- No, dude, I don't care.
- Right.

- Mm!

- Hey, feel like getting
some lunch?

- Oh, no,
I'm not really hungry.

People aren't buying
anything anymore.

Earlier I was selling a lot,

but now people
are returning things.

- That--that's weird.

Well, you know retail.

It's a crazy business.

- That's probably it.

I just can't help but kind of
feel like a failure as a woman.

You know, my lady parts
are all dried up.

- They're not.
- I can't do needlepoint

up to the standards
of these people.

My hair won't hold a perm.

When is it Jerusha's turn?

- Oh, come on.
- [whimpers]

- It'll be fine.
Sales will pick up.

I mean, people
love your scarves.

- What about my hats?
- Oh, and your hats too.

Even more than your scarves.
- More?

- No, the--the same.

Look, it'll get better.
I promise.

- Mm-hmm.
- Come here.

- [speaking rapid Spanish]

- Oh, fantástico. Sí, sí.

- Really?

- Sí.

- Wow, this is great.
I'm looking forward to it.

- Oh, sí.
- Awesome.

.

- So you agreed to something,
and you have no idea

what it was?

- It sounded like
"mana sola rar"--

"mana sola ray."

- Bensoso?
- Mañana.

- Mantilla.
- Mango?

- Manaquina.
Manila?

- No, you're not listening.

[all speaking at once]

- Okay, stop, stop, stop!

It's not helping.
- Don't you speak Spanish?

- Um, yeah.
Some.

But he was talking so fast.

And plus he's got
that Dominican accent,

so he was, like, dropping S's
and, like, moving L's to R's.

And it was a mess.

- The only Spanish words I know
are más tequila.

Know what I mean?
Ay, ay, ay!

[laughs]
- Oh, God.

- Oh, hey, Jonah,
do you speak Spanish?

- No, why?
- Don't worry about it.

- Amy's boyfriend said
something to her in Spanish,

and we're trying to figure out
what he said.

- You have a--a boyfriend?

- No, just some guy that I've
gone on a couple dates with.

- Alex, the beverage guy.

- Oh, the beverage guy.
Cool.

- Cheyenne, look up the Spanish
term for,

"Would you like to have sex
in the butt?"

- What?
Why?

- Because that may be
what you agreed to.

- Oh, busy day, huh?

- Yeah, actually, I think I'm
about to sell out.

- Whoa, wow.

Well, hey, if you do,
no worries,

'cause you got a whole row
of beer right behind you.

- Oh, thanks, but you guys
don't sell beer like this.

- Oh, no, yeah.
Probably not.

Hey, you know what
is interesting?

I had a friend try
one of your samples,

and--this is crazy--
totally independently,

also said it tastes
like Bud Light.

- Well, it's not.
- Well, hey, look.

I wouldn't judge you
if it was.

In fact, I'd respect you
for charging $13

for $2 worth of Bud Light.

- And I'd appreciate
that respect

if that's what I were doing.

- Okay, well--
- Okay, well.

- [chuckles]
Life is a highway.

- What?

- I got to get back to work.

- So what do you want me
to buy from her?

- Oh, it doesn't matter.
Just get as much as you can

for $200, okay?
- Yeah, okay.

I can do that.
- Thank you.

- Excuse me.
How much can I buy for $200?

- Oh, wow, um,
let's find out.

- [mutters]
Damn it, random man!

- Okay.
- Hey, you know, I don't think

you want to be spending
all your money here.

- I thought I was supposed to--
- What are you doing?

- Well, nothing.
It's just that $200 is a lot

to spend on candy when there's
so many other booths.

- Who asked you
to get involved?

- Glenn, what's going on?
- He's messing with my sale.

- What do you want me to buy?
- That's what's going on.

- It's okay. I--I just want
everybody to be happy.

- Then mind your own
[bleep] business.

- O-okay.

- "Lay na sol ya ra."

Says it's Hindi.

Could he have been
speaking Hindi?

- No, he's Dominican.

- A Dominican person could
speak Hindi if he wanted to.

He could learn it.

- That's great about you

and the beverage guy.
I love that guy.

Really good guy.
- Do you know him?

- We've never talked,
but we'll wave, you know?

Or he'll nod if he's, you know,
pushing the dolly or something.

He's a great, great guy.

- You said that already.

- Why didn't you just tell him
that you didn't understand

what he was saying?

- Because then
he would just go on and on

about taking my Latina card
from me.

- What's a Latina card?

- Like when you go to
Sharky's, you earn points.

- We should go on
a double date together.

You and, um, the beverage guy
and Kelly and me.

- Guys, Amy's in uncharted
territory right now.

She usually only dates
white men.

- Well, that's pretty racist.

- That's not true.
I don't just date white men.

I dated one white guy
15 years ago,

and I just happened
to marry him.

- I'm gonna call Kelly.
I'm gonna text her.

I'm gonna call her.
- Just because she has

a preference doesn't mean
she's racist.

- I don't have a preference.
And if I did,

it probably wouldn't
be white guys.

- You know what?
She's here.

I could just go up
and talk to her.

Eh, I'm gonna text her.

- I'm sorry, isn't having
a preference

the definition of racism?

- I think it's racist
to have a non-preference.

Like, you can say,
"I'm into Cuban guys,"

but you can't say, "I'm into
everyone but Cuban guys."

- Ah.
- No, yeah.

I totally kissed
a black guy once.

- Who?

- You don't know him.
It was from high school.

- What was his name?

- Peter.
- Peter the black guy?

Yeah, okay, that doesn't
sound right, but whatever.

- She's in!

Kelly's in.
This is gonna be--

this is gonna be great.

It's gonna be great.
Great, great, great, great.

.

- ♪ Her face everywhere I go

♪ On the street and even
at the picture show ♪

♪ Have you seen her

- [sighs]
I don't know, man.

Sometimes I just think that
maybe it was a mistake

to sink my life savings
into this.

- Yeah, well...

Uh...

Hang in there.
- Really?

That means a lot, man.

Men need to support other men.

You know?
- Yeah, yeah, sure.

- Hey.
On the house.

- Oh, no, no, no,
I couldn't.

- It's gonna make me
real happy.

- Okay.
- Yeah!

- Thank you.
- Hey, hey, hey,

where you going?

Pop it in.

- Oh, you--

you wanted me to, uh,
eat it right now?

- I want to see the look
in your eyes when that cheese

hits your tongue.

- Yes, I will--I will do this.

I will put this in there.

- That's how it works.

- Mmm!

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- That is such a relief.
- Mm-hmm.

- I haven't tried it yet.

To be honest,
it kind of grosses me out.

- Hey, guys.

Um, I just wanted
to double check.

No one wanted to buy anything

from Jerusha, right?

Just asking as a pal,
not your boss.

Just as a pal
who loves crafts.

- No, thank you.
I don't really like them.

- Okay.
Cool.

Mateo?

You know, you would look
really fetching

in a bird scarf.

- Oh, I never cover my neck.
It's my best feature.

Also, I'm saving up
for something

I actually want to buy.

- Justine?
- Hard pass.

- I think the crossword puzzles
are harder in spring.

- Listen up!

Everybody here better get out
there and start buying stuff

from my wife!

- I feel like
you're pressuring us.

- You're goddamn right,
I'm pressuring you.

You buy stuff,
or you're fired!

- What?
- Yeah, and if you tell anyone

I did this, I'll lie.

And I'll say that I didn't.

And they'll believe me,
because I'm the boss!

Now!
Now, go, go!

You move your ass!

- I had my medicine in that.

I crush it up and hide it
to trick myself.

- Oh, let me--let me help you.

Maybe it's right on top here.

- So, I lager for three months
at 35 degrees.

And actually the yeast that
I use is a descendant

of the original Bavarian
wild yeasts--

- It's Bud Light.
It's Bud Light.

It's a descendant of Bud Light
because it's Bud Light.

[laughs]

- What are you doing?
- Just admit it's Bud Light.

- Okay, could you...

Fine, it's Bud Light, okay?

I buy the kegs wholesale,
and then I mark up the bottles.

Now, could you please stop
telling everyone?

- Thank you for just
being honest with me.

That's all I wanted.

Now, how about I take you out
sometime?

- Hey.
I'm taking off.

You're still up for tonight,
right?

- Uh, yeah.

Tonight, um,
so do I need to, like,

wear anything
or maybe bring something?

- No, nothing special.
- Okay.

And, um...

and you're sure this is
something I'm gonna enjoy?

- I mean, we don't have to
if you don't want to.

[speaking rapid Spanish]

- Okay, I don't understand
what you're saying!

- Huh?
- My Spanish isn't that good.

My parents never made me
speak it in the house,

and I really don't feel like
I should be made to feel guilty

about that, okay?

- I was just asking if
you're cool driving for an hour

to this barbecue place I like.

- Oh.
Oh, cool.

Yeah, that's, uh, cool.
- Cool.

- Yeah.
- Cool.

- Yeah.

- So you didn't understand
anything I was saying?

Like all the stuff about my mom
and my family?

- Oh, no, no, no.
That--that stuff I totally got.

I understood that.

Your family,
they're a riot.

What a--
what a hoot.

- I can't believe I sold out.

- I am so proud of you,
my little saleswoman.

I'm thinking about
experimenting

with a badger on a sweater.

- I think people would
love that.