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1
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Ah, Mother's Day. For most families,
2
00:00:02,140 --> 00:00:04,179
all you'd have to do is
make breakfast in bed,
3
00:00:04,180 --> 00:00:05,709
but for the Goldbergs,
4
00:00:05,710 --> 00:00:08,132
"Smother's Day" was the most
dreaded holiday of the year.
5
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,519
It was a 24-hour, nonstop snuggle fest
6
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:11,959
that got worse as we got older.
7
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,514
Oh, my God, what is
this disgusting glop?
8
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,975
My one-way ticket out
of Mother's Day, sucka.
9
00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:19,894
Oh, balls, oh, balls!
I completely forgot!
10
00:00:19,895 --> 00:00:21,890
How could you forget?
11
00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:22,429
It's the worst day of our year,
12
00:00:22,430 --> 00:00:23,898
but it's on display forever!
13
00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:26,193
Behold the Goldberg mantel of shame.
14
00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:31,999
I know. As the baby,
15
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,609
I'm the one who gets the worst of it!
16
00:00:33,610 --> 00:00:35,819
Or have you forgotten this?
17
00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:38,590
This... actually... happened.
18
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,409
Yeah, in a house full
of messed up photos,
19
00:00:40,410 --> 00:00:41,749
that is for sure the worst.
20
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,279
Please, let me join
in on your breakfast!
21
00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:45,590
- Here, I can make toast!
- Already did.
22
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:46,789
No! That's all I'm capable of!
23
00:00:46,790 --> 00:00:49,899
Oh! There she is!
24
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:52,210
Guess what special day
it is, pretty lady?
25
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,989
Happy Mother's Day!
26
00:00:53,990 --> 00:00:56,890
It's Mother's Day! For me!
27
00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:57,740
Look what I alone made for you!
28
00:00:57,750 --> 00:01:00,899
Aww, my Sugartush charred
me a Belgian waffle
29
00:01:00,900 --> 00:01:02,478
and put a poison flower on top.
30
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:05,239
I woke up at dawn just
to make everything right
31
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:06,899
for my wonderful mama-bear!
32
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,399
Aw, Schmoo. Go back to bed.
33
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,790
Please no! I mean,
34
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,114
we need him for your
Mother's Day photo session.
35
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:14,479
Oh, my day will be plenty special
36
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:15,509
with just you and Erica.
37
00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:17,549
Ugh.
38
00:01:17,550 --> 00:01:19,590
Happy Mother's Day.
39
00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,849
Sorry, but so much sinus pressure.
40
00:01:21,850 --> 00:01:24,542
Oh, no! Your cold got worse.
41
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:27,450
Aw, come on! She's clearly faking!
42
00:01:27,460 --> 00:01:28,789
Shame on you, Adam!
43
00:01:28,790 --> 00:01:31,990
For the past week, I have
been closely monitoring
44
00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:33,799
Erica's cough, sniffles, sore throat,
45
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:36,346
sour tummy, and
uncontrollable eye twitch.
46
00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:38,723
See? It does it on its
own 'cause it's real.
47
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,969
Aw. Well, I'll go put some
blankets on the couch
48
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,970
so you can lie down and watch TV.
49
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:45,939
Yay!
50
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,279
And that's how you get out
51
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:48,289
of honoring your mother.
52
00:01:48,290 --> 00:01:49,779
That's right. For weeks,
53
00:01:49,780 --> 00:01:51,979
I've been planting seeds of worry.
54
00:01:51,980 --> 00:01:54,330
A tiny cough here, a body ache there,
55
00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:57,780
every day a calculated move
leading to this very moment.
56
00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,118
Bastard genius!
57
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,489
Okay, I built a nest
for Erica on the couch
58
00:02:01,490 --> 00:02:03,940
and I ran Barry's blanket
through the dryer.
59
00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:05,699
Time for our big photo op, Adam!
60
00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:07,429
Get your smile muscles ready!
61
00:02:07,430 --> 00:02:09,129
Ugh, fine! I guess I'll be the one
62
00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:11,214
who spends Mother's Day with his mother.
63
00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:12,465
Yay!
64
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,509
Let's just make it super fast
65
00:02:13,510 --> 00:02:15,677
'cause I got big plans
today with Dave Kim.
66
00:02:15,678 --> 00:02:17,709
- Plans? What plans?
- "Willow"!
67
00:02:17,710 --> 00:02:20,849
It's George Lucas' blockbuster
follow-up to "Star Wars"!
68
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,649
Wow, it's like super selfish
69
00:02:22,650 --> 00:02:24,779
to pick some movie over your mom.
70
00:02:24,780 --> 00:02:26,180
I don't even know what to say.
71
00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:28,606
- I do. You're a bad son.
- Gah!
72
00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:30,919
Let's just go and take
these photos super fast
73
00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:32,240
- 'cause "Willow"!
- Yay!
74
00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:33,580
It's Mother's Day.
75
00:02:41,580 --> 00:02:46,580
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
76
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,890
It was May 1st, 1980-something,
77
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:56,619
and we were spending some quality time
78
00:02:56,620 --> 00:02:59,490
with our dad and David Hasselhoff.
79
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,389
Whoa, wait!
80
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,141
You guys are watching "Knight Rider"
81
00:03:03,142 --> 00:03:04,475
and didn't even invite me?
82
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:07,103
- Scootch!
- You scootch. I'm already here.
83
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:08,529
That's the best spot on the couch
84
00:03:08,530 --> 00:03:09,859
and I'm sick of you always hogging it.
85
00:03:09,860 --> 00:03:12,259
Damn it! I can't hear
the snooty car talk.
86
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,690
Either sit down, or get out.
87
00:03:14,700 --> 00:03:15,829
Of course you take Erica's side.
88
00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:18,969
Once again, the forgotten
middle child gets screwed!
89
00:03:18,970 --> 00:03:20,209
Aw, not this crap.
90
00:03:20,210 --> 00:03:21,939
Here we go again with your crazy
91
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,662
middle child conspiracy theories.
92
00:03:23,663 --> 00:03:25,000
Crazy real!
93
00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:27,760
You're constantly boned when
you're the middle child.
94
00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:29,879
I get the bad spot on the couch,
95
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,749
the runty piece of pizza,
96
00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:33,713
even your crappy hand-me-downs.
97
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,881
You do not!
98
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,559
Dad made me wear your "My
Little Pony" overalls
99
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:38,593
'til I was nine!
100
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:39,929
It's 'cause Dad's cheap,
101
00:03:39,930 --> 00:03:41,345
not 'cause you're the middle child.
102
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,764
Also 'cause it was funny.
103
00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:43,779
That right?
104
00:03:43,780 --> 00:03:45,899
Well, I cannot wait to move to college
105
00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:47,393
so I can be born anew
106
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:50,146
and live free as a non-middle child!
107
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,398
Just take my stupid spot on the couch.
108
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:55,369
For a middle child, getting the
couch was an epic triumph,
109
00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:58,239
though what happened next
was Barry's first real win.
110
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,948
Stop your cross-fire!
Everyone focus on Barry!
111
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,619
Look, a thick-ass envelope from Penn.
112
00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:04,650
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
113
00:04:04,651 --> 00:04:06,279
- Thick from Penn?
- You know it.
114
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,372
I'm gonna rip the ass
out of this envelope.
115
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:09,919
Yeah, go. Rip out the ass.
116
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,619
- Rip it but good.
- Boom!
117
00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:12,859
Barry did it!
118
00:04:12,860 --> 00:04:14,290
Barry got in!
119
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:16,400
- Everyone wants Barry!
- Whoo-hoo!
120
00:04:16,410 --> 00:04:17,840
That makes three colleges!
121
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,629
But this is the one, baby!
122
00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:22,720
Best pre-med program on the East Coast.
123
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:25,439
- The best!
- Screw you, garbage safety schools
124
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:26,891
Ithaca and Bucknell.
125
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,939
You're garbage. We don't need you now.
126
00:04:28,940 --> 00:04:30,394
Did I get any mail?
127
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,639
Classic.
128
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,709
'Cause I just some crazy-good
mail, now you want some?
129
00:04:34,710 --> 00:04:37,769
Well, you're not gonna
middle child me this time,
130
00:04:37,770 --> 00:04:38,779
'cause I'm going to...
131
00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:40,571
- Going to Penn!
- What?!
132
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:42,340
- Geoff, I did it! I got in!
- Yes!
133
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,159
Wait, when did you apply to Penn?
134
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,519
Yeah.
135
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,789
So many questions. How? Why?
136
00:04:47,790 --> 00:04:50,248
No. And when? Also no!
137
00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:51,579
Peanut, you did it!
138
00:04:51,580 --> 00:04:52,679
How is this even happening?
139
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,240
Well, it was a hard year,
140
00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:56,969
and once my band was causing
me more stress than joy,
141
00:04:56,970 --> 00:04:59,757
Geoff made me realize that I
really needed some direction.
142
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,439
All I did was get her transcripts,
143
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:02,560
fill out the applications,
144
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,790
and then cash in my Bar Mitzvah bonds
145
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,479
- to cover the fees.
- I always liked this kid.
146
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:07,974
No!
147
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,679
No! No!
148
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:10,819
Dad, check it out.
149
00:05:10,820 --> 00:05:12,619
This weekend, there's
an orientation event
150
00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:14,773
at this swanky-ass
house in Chestnut Hill.
151
00:05:14,774 --> 00:05:17,759
That's my swanky-ass orientation event.
152
00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,890
Yeah, that's great, pal,
153
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:21,540
but this Erica news is
the best. The best!
154
00:05:21,550 --> 00:05:24,429
This is my special moment,
and she stole it!
155
00:05:24,430 --> 00:05:26,576
Once again, the middle
child gets screwed.
156
00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:29,469
I demand you call me peanut
and twirl me, damn it!
157
00:05:29,470 --> 00:05:30,705
Don't touch my body.
158
00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:33,199
Absolutely not! Ah, my back!
159
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,960
Let's roll, boopie.
160
00:05:35,610 --> 00:05:37,504
So, that's the end of that? We good?
161
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:38,760
We're great.
162
00:05:38,770 --> 00:05:41,179
Just look at all the
stuff our faces are on!
163
00:05:41,180 --> 00:05:43,749
Mugs, keychain, welcome mat,
164
00:05:43,750 --> 00:05:46,530
blankie, car seat cover,
165
00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:47,319
baby bib,
166
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:48,723
beach towel!
167
00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:50,266
Why would I want a towel of us?
168
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:53,259
Uh, so when you're at the beach
or getting out of the shower,
169
00:05:53,260 --> 00:05:55,313
you can remember who loves you most?
170
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:56,829
And here I thought it was weird.
171
00:05:56,830 --> 00:05:58,359
Doesn't matter, I'm off
to go see "Willow."
172
00:05:58,360 --> 00:05:59,700
- Ta!
- No "ta"!
173
00:05:59,710 --> 00:06:02,569
I made us reservations for
brunch and Flamenco lessons
174
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,690
and a couple's foot soak.
175
00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:06,439
While that all sounds
fun and also gross,
176
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,239
you promised I could go see "Willow."
177
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,399
I didn't promise "Willow."
178
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,390
You want "Willow," but
I think we both know
179
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,540
there will be no "Willows"
of any kind today.
180
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,179
You don't understand. "Willow"
is the most important movie
181
00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:18,349
in a generation.
182
00:06:18,350 --> 00:06:20,419
And I'm the most important
mom in a generation!
183
00:06:20,420 --> 00:06:21,619
Mom trumps "Willow."
184
00:06:21,620 --> 00:06:22,949
It really doesn't!
185
00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,959
In 30 years, people will talk about
186
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,428
how the "Willow" trilogy
changed their lives.
187
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,639
No! No "Willow" for you, I mean it!
188
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,299
I get one Mother's Day a
year and I'm taking it.
189
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:34,429
This is what I get for being nice to you
190
00:06:34,430 --> 00:06:35,478
almost the whole morning?
191
00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:38,220
Okay! That's it! No
"Willow" for you ever!
192
00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:39,439
You can't just forbid me from "Willow"
193
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:40,559
for the rest of my life!
194
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,860
- I just did.
- Gah! I hate you!
195
00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:47,780
I see.
196
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:50,860
Okay, then.
197
00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:54,330
Go. Enjoy your movie.
198
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:56,719
Thank you!
199
00:06:59,290 --> 00:07:00,769
These don't fit. I need a refund.
200
00:07:00,770 --> 00:07:04,990
And so I ditched my mom on
Mother's Day to see "Willow."
201
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:05,466
And when it was over...
202
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,199
I had seen "Willow."
203
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,530
- "Willow"!
- "Willow"!
204
00:07:09,540 --> 00:07:10,590
And Val Kilmer!
205
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,429
Val Kilmer was totally in the movie!
206
00:07:12,430 --> 00:07:14,719
He was, wasn't he?
207
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,600
Wow.
208
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,299
Aw. Aw, man.
209
00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:19,313
Everything okay?
210
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:20,839
I kind of went to the mat
on this "Willow" thing
211
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,109
- with my mom.
- How so?
212
00:07:22,110 --> 00:07:24,490
Well, she said, "No 'Willow'."
213
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:27,190
And then I got very emotional,
cause, you know, "Willow."
214
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,289
So I said, "Yes 'Willow',"
215
00:07:28,290 --> 00:07:30,589
and then she said, "No 'Willow'," again,
216
00:07:30,590 --> 00:07:32,284
and then I said I hate her.
217
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,489
You told your mom you hate
her on Mother's Day!?
218
00:07:35,490 --> 00:07:36,998
Mistakes were made, Dave Kim!
219
00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:37,999
But for "Willow"?
220
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,542
I didn't know "Willow" was
"Willow" at the time.
221
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:41,979
That's really not cool, bro!
222
00:07:41,980 --> 00:07:42,989
I know, Dave Kim!
223
00:07:42,990 --> 00:07:44,630
You better make it up to your mom, bro!
224
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,549
I know, Dave Kim.
225
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:47,909
But I blame "Willow."
226
00:07:47,910 --> 00:07:49,844
I told you not to touch my body.
227
00:07:49,845 --> 00:07:51,739
Okay. I can see you're mad,
228
00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:54,479
but for the record, this whole
thing could have been avoided
229
00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,190
if you just cried tears
of joy and twirled me.
230
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,649
Just get me more ice, moron!
231
00:07:58,650 --> 00:08:00,589
- You heard him, Geoff.
- I did.
232
00:08:00,590 --> 00:08:03,149
Dude, why are you freaking out
just 'cause I got into Penn?
233
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,189
'Cause college is
supposed to be the place
234
00:08:05,190 --> 00:08:07,459
where I finally break free
from your hateful shadow!
235
00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:09,590
I mean it, you're not going.
236
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:10,539
I got a letter that says otherwise.
237
00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:12,999
- And a father.
- Quiet, broken couch dad!
238
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,990
Dude, 6,000 kids go to Penn.
239
00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:17,455
Trust me, the last person
I'll be hanging with is you.
240
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:19,290
Stop talking like you're going there!
241
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:21,209
You may get first choice
at everything else,
242
00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,752
but you will not take my college!
243
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:25,679
Mark my words. This will not stand.
244
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,379
This... will... not... stand.
245
00:08:28,380 --> 00:08:30,340
You know what else won't stand, moron?
246
00:08:30,350 --> 00:08:32,261
Me! Where's my ice?!
247
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,519
I'm so sorry! I couldn't
find a proper baggy!
248
00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:35,659
- Oh!
- Ugh!
249
00:08:35,660 --> 00:08:37,850
I knew that hug was a mistake.
250
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,710
You can't take it back,
it already happened.
251
00:08:41,630 --> 00:08:42,459
Happy Mother's Day.
252
00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:43,499
What's this?
253
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:45,419
I know we had a little dust-up earlier,
254
00:08:45,420 --> 00:08:47,829
but I just want to move
on and cap off the day
255
00:08:47,830 --> 00:08:49,820
with a little something
special for me madre.
256
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,269
Appreciate that. Thanks.
257
00:08:51,270 --> 00:08:53,390
Well, happy we cleared the air
258
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,492
and this whole thing is done.
259
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:55,618
Oh, it's done, all right.
260
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:56,869
What's that supposed to mean?
261
00:08:56,870 --> 00:09:00,909
My children have always gone to
extreme lengths to avoid me.
262
00:09:00,910 --> 00:09:03,579
Erica's been pretending
to cough for six weeks
263
00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:05,779
and Barry spent $100 on groceries
264
00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:06,922
just to get out of today.
265
00:09:06,923 --> 00:09:08,419
You know about that?
266
00:09:08,420 --> 00:09:09,989
Of course.
267
00:09:09,990 --> 00:09:13,989
But I didn't mind 'cause my
special baby still loved me.
268
00:09:13,990 --> 00:09:16,659
But then my baby said "I hate you."
269
00:09:16,660 --> 00:09:18,199
On Mother's Day.
270
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:19,767
I see this is gonna be a whole thing.
271
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,603
Not a thing. I'm done.
272
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,369
Come on, I said I was sorry.
273
00:09:24,370 --> 00:09:26,479
If you can't just move
on, that's on you!
274
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:27,500
Be done!
275
00:09:31,310 --> 00:09:33,979
For clarity's sake, when you say "done,"
276
00:09:33,980 --> 00:09:35,783
what exactly does that mean?
277
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:36,992
It means I'm done.
278
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,490
Whatever! I don't care! Be done!
279
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,419
It's just that "done" can cover
280
00:09:43,420 --> 00:09:46,519
such a wide spectrum of
changes to a relationship,
281
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,499
so if you could just add some specifics.
282
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:51,900
Sure. Specifically, I'm done.
283
00:09:51,910 --> 00:09:52,999
Done with what? Being snuggly and nice?
284
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,110
Is that the threat?
'Cause lemme tell ya,
285
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,470
that'd be delightful!
286
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,309
I'm your child! You
can't be done with me!
287
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:02,379
And yet I am.
288
00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:04,679
No way! Not buying it!
You'll never be done!
289
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,479
'Cause you're obsessed with me, lady!
290
00:10:08,110 --> 00:10:10,519
Honestly, I don't give
a hoot you're done.
291
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:11,679
But...
292
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,279
Just for kicks, tell me how to fix it.
293
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,589
You want to fix it? Then go back in time
294
00:10:15,590 --> 00:10:17,189
to when you were the little squish
295
00:10:17,190 --> 00:10:19,618
who was over the moon to
spend Mother's Day with me.
296
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,359
And until then, I'm done.
297
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,359
Despite the Mom rage, we all know
298
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:25,899
there's no way Beverly Goldberg
299
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,529
would ever be done
with her Schmoo. Ever.
300
00:10:28,530 --> 00:10:30,390
Yep. Won't happen.
301
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,450
- She's not coming back.
- Oh, balls.
302
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,459
Mother's Day was finally over,
and I was looking forward
303
00:10:36,460 --> 00:10:37,919
to life in a smother-free house.
304
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:40,359
- Mornin', Sunshine.
- Morning?
305
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,799
Looks like Mom's still mad
and didn't make breakfast.
306
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,329
But joke's on her
307
00:10:44,330 --> 00:10:46,770
'cause we got Nintendo Cereal System!
308
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,689
Kiddo? Aren't you
supposed to be at school?
309
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:49,774
Nah, it's only...
310
00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:53,770
11:30?! Balls! Nobody woke me up!
311
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,209
Well, don't you have an alarm clock?
312
00:10:55,210 --> 00:10:56,639
I don't need one 'cause Mom always...
313
00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:57,781
Oh.
314
00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,579
Balls. Balls! Balls!
315
00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:03,780
Dude, you missed our
English lit presentation.
316
00:11:03,790 --> 00:11:04,949
I overslept 'cause my
mom didn't wake me.
317
00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:06,490
Don't you have an alarm clock?
318
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,319
Why does everyone keep
harping on this clock thing?
319
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,294
You don't need one when
you have a loving mother!
320
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,159
- Who are you looking at right now?
- You!
321
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,600
No, you're looking at
the water fountain.
322
00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:16,129
Aw, crap! My mom also reminds me
323
00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:17,599
to put on my glasses before I leave
324
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,319
and now my lazy eye is activated!
325
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,190
My God. Out of all the days,
326
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,470
why wasn't your mom there this morning?
327
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,199
'Cause she's done, Dave Kim!
328
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,726
Done? W-W-What does that mean?
329
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:28,437
I don't know, but it's
starting to seem really bad.
330
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:29,809
- Hey, babe.
- Ugh.
331
00:11:29,810 --> 00:11:31,273
It's still weird that
you two are a thing.
332
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,942
Hells yeah we are.
333
00:11:34,910 --> 00:11:37,613
Um, your friend is totally watching us.
334
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:38,979
No! I turned my head.
335
00:11:38,980 --> 00:11:40,389
My lazy eye is still on you.
336
00:11:40,390 --> 00:11:42,340
You're a freaky little guy, huh?
337
00:11:42,350 --> 00:11:43,827
I'm just gonna walk away entirely.
338
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,330
As the reality of my
mom being done set in,
339
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,159
Barry was dead-set on proving
340
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:50,459
he should be the only
Goldberg to go to Penn.
341
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,190
No! It was time for the tired baker man
342
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,169
to make the donuts.
343
00:11:54,170 --> 00:11:55,798
I like him 'cause he's
miserable like me.
344
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:59,139
I will not leave until you
hear my airtight presentation
345
00:11:59,140 --> 00:12:01,379
of why I should be the
one who goes to Penn.
346
00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:02,999
- Really, dude?
- Geoffrey,
347
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,339
wheel in the presentation cart.
348
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:09,219
Don't need a presentation.
349
00:12:09,220 --> 00:12:10,949
You both can go to the damn college.
350
00:12:10,950 --> 00:12:12,349
Just let the dumbass do his thing
351
00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:13,449
and then he'll go away.
352
00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:15,739
This will only take 80
minutes of your time.
353
00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:17,719
It includes a speech, slideshow,
354
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,389
rap interlude, Q&A,
355
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,590
intermission with kosher salami,
356
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,325
followed by an elegant closing ceremony,
357
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:25,202
and surprise T-shirt giveaway.
358
00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:26,769
- _
- They're all men's mediums.
359
00:12:26,770 --> 00:12:29,179
Once I'm done, our dad
will be able to choose
360
00:12:29,180 --> 00:12:30,839
without question
361
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,127
which one of us should go to Penn.
362
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,420
- Erica.
- What?
363
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,839
- I choose Erica.
- But I didn't even start.
364
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,879
Moron, you got into other schools.
365
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,509
The only choice this girl has
366
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,579
is that couch or that college.
367
00:12:42,580 --> 00:12:44,619
- So it's Erica.
- Yeah, I don't want to step in,
368
00:12:44,620 --> 00:12:46,560
but I think he chose Erica.
369
00:12:46,570 --> 00:12:47,349
How did you even get into Penn?
370
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,219
You flunked out of stupid music college!
371
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:50,519
I told them that after high school,
372
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,489
I took a long-ass "music sabbatical."
373
00:12:52,490 --> 00:12:54,231
They ate that up. Dummies.
374
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:55,759
I feel good about my choice.
375
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,777
Erica! I chose Erica!
376
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,369
Erica, Erica, Erica.
377
00:13:00,370 --> 00:13:01,698
You think you've won, don't you?
378
00:13:01,699 --> 00:13:03,400
I do. 'Cause I did.
379
00:13:03,410 --> 00:13:05,159
'Cause he said Erica, like, 10 times.
380
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,839
Hear me now, believe me later.
381
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,879
I'll do whatever it takes to win.
382
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,790
I will not eat. I will not sleep.
383
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:13,649
I mean, I might do both,
384
00:13:13,650 --> 00:13:14,899
'cause without them, I'll die.
385
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:17,212
But you will not go to Penn.
386
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,819
So no more presentation?
387
00:13:18,820 --> 00:13:20,389
I stayed up all night preparing slides
388
00:13:20,390 --> 00:13:22,510
and getting ready for
the closing ceremony.
389
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:23,850
Forget the scarf dance, Geoff!
390
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,819
Even though Barry lost
out on his top college,
391
00:13:26,820 --> 00:13:29,299
I was ready to admit that I
didn't want to lose my mom.
392
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:30,430
Hey, Pops. Mom home?
393
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:31,999
No, now that the rain stopped,
394
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,630
she went to Gimbels to
return the umbrella.
395
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:35,439
She leave any messages for me?
396
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,260
Yeah, she did. I wrote it down.
397
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:44,114
"I'm done."
398
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,439
Unbelievable!
399
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,410
She really is done and it's
taking its toll on me!
400
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,704
Kiddo, just tell her you're sorry.
401
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,649
I tried, but nothing works.
402
00:13:52,650 --> 00:13:54,339
This morning, I asked her
if she wanted to take
403
00:13:54,340 --> 00:13:56,279
a bite of my neck meat, and
you know what she said?
404
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,796
"Nah, man." She called me "man," man!
405
00:13:58,797 --> 00:13:59,799
That is bad.
406
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,256
There's gotta be some way to fix this.
407
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:03,199
Yeah, she said to go back in time
408
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,399
and be the sweet little boy
409
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:05,729
that loved her more than anything.
410
00:14:05,730 --> 00:14:07,388
And then it hit me.
411
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,681
Sears... Photo... Session.
412
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,602
Wait... that's it! I
know exactly what to do!
413
00:14:13,810 --> 00:14:15,229
Boom!
414
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:17,856
Hey, kid, I-I don't think
this is the answer.
415
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,192
I've never been more confident
of anything in my whole life.
416
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,909
You really shouldn't be.
417
00:14:21,910 --> 00:14:23,749
All right, let's get to work...
418
00:14:23,750 --> 00:14:24,905
uh, whoa!
419
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,699
You don't happen to have an
oversized lollipop, do you?
420
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:28,949
Yeah, I can't take this photo.
421
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:30,770
Just take the photo.
422
00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:31,790
Just shoot it, dude!
423
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,590
Look, I don't know why an
old man wants this photo,
424
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:34,660
but I'm thinking I
shouldn't be a part of it.
425
00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,291
It's not for me!
426
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,129
Trust me, there's
nothing weird about it.
427
00:14:38,130 --> 00:14:40,295
- It's for my mom.
- Not helping!
428
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,923
While I was trying to re-create
my mom's favorite photo,
429
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:44,299
Barry was trying to destroy
430
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,210
Erica's college orientation event.
431
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,279
And those are just some
of the wonderful aspects
432
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:49,669
of campus life.
433
00:14:49,670 --> 00:14:51,639
Let's open this up for questions. Yes.
434
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,790
When do people declare a major?
435
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,179
Query! Let's say a certain applicant
436
00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:58,149
lied to admissions about
flunking out of music college.
437
00:14:58,150 --> 00:14:59,449
Would Penn wanna know about it?
438
00:14:59,450 --> 00:15:01,649
That's an extremely specific question,
439
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,190
but I guess we'd look into it.
440
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,445
Now, about declaring a major...
441
00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:06,729
Would it also be concerning
if another applicant
442
00:15:06,730 --> 00:15:09,319
was so selfish that he'd
jeopardize his sister's future,
443
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,899
and also once he pooped on the bus?
444
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:12,299
Another very specific question.
445
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,300
I think I misheard you.
What happened on the bus?
446
00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:16,190
I can speak to that hypothetical
447
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,839
and assure you that only happened
448
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,359
'cause the facilities at
Colonial Williamsburg
449
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:21,369
were inadequate.
450
00:15:21,370 --> 00:15:23,679
Would the school also
reconsider an applicant
451
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,359
because he challenged a horse to a fight
452
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:26,779
on more than one occasion?
453
00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:29,979
Or is that the kind of
passionate individual
454
00:15:29,980 --> 00:15:31,388
Penn is looking for?
455
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:32,848
No. Definitely not.
456
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,659
Should the university be aware
457
00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:37,359
that a certain student
once sling-shotted
458
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,659
her training bra at Donnie Wahlberg
459
00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:40,689
at a New Kids concert?
460
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,429
Should the university also be aware
461
00:15:42,430 --> 00:15:44,739
that another certain
student practiced kissing
462
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:46,690
- on a Miss Piggy puppet?
- Hey!
463
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:49,669
The university must know the facts!
464
00:15:49,670 --> 00:15:52,439
You accepted an incoming freshman
465
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,669
who was busted in kindergarten
466
00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:55,909
for eating paste.
467
00:15:55,910 --> 00:15:57,790
How dare you?!
468
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:58,248
And it had glitter in it.
469
00:15:58,249 --> 00:16:01,961
Regardless, you accepted a
student who will ruin my life!
470
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,919
Okay. Um, I'm thinking this, uh,
471
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,279
Q&A got a tad off topic.
472
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,149
I'm not ruining your life!
473
00:16:07,150 --> 00:16:09,359
I'm just trying to turn mine around!
474
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,459
You think it sucks being
the middle child?
475
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:12,846
Well, try being the oldest!
476
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,229
My whole life,
477
00:16:14,230 --> 00:16:16,999
Mom and Dad have held me up
to some unrealistic standard
478
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,290
that I will never live up to!
479
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:21,499
So, instead of hating me
for always being second,
480
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,990
how about you thank me,
481
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:25,510
because I would give anything
to be in your shoes!
482
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,469
Penn's all yours.
483
00:16:28,470 --> 00:16:29,809
But just so you know,
484
00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:32,339
I was excited to go to college with you.
485
00:16:32,340 --> 00:16:34,326
I thought it'd be fun.
486
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,759
After Mother's Day, my mom was done.
487
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:39,939
And I had the way to undo it.
488
00:16:39,940 --> 00:16:41,410
Beverly. A moment of your time?
489
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:44,199
- Okay.
- According to you,
490
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,299
there's one way to undo you being done,
491
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:48,559
which is to go back to
being the little boy
492
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:49,919
who loved you so much.
493
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:52,261
I think we both know
that's not possible, Adam.
494
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:53,929
Or is it?
495
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:57,150
What the [BLEEP] is that, man?!
496
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:58,629
You wanted me to go back
in the time machine?
497
00:16:58,630 --> 00:17:00,519
Well, I did it! I'm back, baby!
498
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,521
Oh, my God, look at you!
499
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,147
Why would you do this?
500
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:06,358
I-I thought you wanted me to!
501
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,939
Sweet Lord in heaven,
502
00:17:07,940 --> 00:17:09,769
you look like a cursed doll!
503
00:17:09,770 --> 00:17:11,780
This gesture was supposed to
show you that I love you!
504
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:14,809
Adam. If you ever go to prison
for something terrible,
505
00:17:14,810 --> 00:17:16,349
this is the picture they'll show,
506
00:17:16,350 --> 00:17:17,709
and people will look at it and say,
507
00:17:17,710 --> 00:17:19,621
like, "Oh, yeah, I get it."
508
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:22,119
You're seriously not gonna
accept this creepy photo
509
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:23,359
as proof that I love you?
510
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:27,959
No. See, this Adam used to
give me snuggles and hugs
511
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,629
and say, "I love you, Mama."
512
00:17:29,630 --> 00:17:32,689
And this Adam tells me he hates me,
513
00:17:32,690 --> 00:17:34,759
and quite honestly? I believe him.
514
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,319
Fine! Believe whatever you want!
515
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:37,550
Gah! I hate you!
516
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,599
And there it is.
517
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,690
Yes, I hate you, but also?
518
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:43,309
I love you! So much!
519
00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:45,909
But I also hate you,
and at the same time,
520
00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:47,649
I love you, but I hate you!
521
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,179
- It can't be both, Adam.
- But it can!
522
00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:50,959
I hate that you're a
nudge that expects me
523
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,219
to dry off with a towel
that has your face on it!
524
00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:54,919
But I love that you blindly support
525
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,100
everything that I do! So, yes,
526
00:17:57,110 --> 00:18:00,419
I hate you, and I love you.
527
00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:02,439
Maybe you're done being my mom,
528
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,259
but I will never be done being your son.
529
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,390
That is the sweetest thing
530
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,171
you've ever said to me.
531
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:10,756
Really?
532
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:11,999
Of course.
533
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,599
And let's be honest.
534
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,619
I couldn't be done even if I wanted to.
535
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,579
Hey.
536
00:18:27,580 --> 00:18:29,200
Go away.
537
00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:30,289
No.
538
00:18:31,450 --> 00:18:32,944
We got to talk about college.
539
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,559
Why?
540
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,890
You got what you wanted.
541
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:37,719
You're going to Penn on your own.
542
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,284
You're no longer the middle child.
543
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,959
Did you mean what you said?
544
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,996
You really wanna go to college with me?
545
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,729
Yes.
546
00:18:44,730 --> 00:18:48,369
I went on my own and
completely screwed up.
547
00:18:48,370 --> 00:18:50,639
Honestly, it seemed way less scary
548
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,339
when I thought you'd be there, too.
549
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:54,279
I always thought it was
easy being the oldest,
550
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:56,139
but I get it now.
551
00:18:56,140 --> 00:18:57,709
You have to do everything first
552
00:18:57,710 --> 00:18:59,720
and pave the way for the rest of us.
553
00:18:59,740 --> 00:19:01,790
That I do.
554
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:02,519
Doesn't matter anymore.
555
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,477
'Cause Penn's about to get a
double dose of the Goldbergs.
556
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,210
- You mean it?
- See you around campus?
557
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:10,829
Not if I see you first.
558
00:19:10,830 --> 00:19:14,190
I might just be the
happiest I've ever been.
559
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,819
I've got two kids going to college.
560
00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:19,279
Who wants a hug and a twirl?
561
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:20,799
All you.
562
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:24,579
We'll twirl later.
563
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:27,639
That night, my brother realized
that being in the middle
564
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:28,649
... meant being surrounded
565
00:19:28,650 --> 00:19:29,710
by people who love you.
566
00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:32,809
Nothing felt better.
567
00:19:32,810 --> 00:19:34,920
This one may just be my favorite.
568
00:19:34,930 --> 00:19:36,249
Even though you said you hated me
569
00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:37,801
on Mother's Day and made me cry.
570
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:40,178
I'm gonna hear about this for
the rest of my life, aren't I?
571
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,619
I'm sure I'll forget in about 30 years.
572
00:19:47,970 --> 00:19:50,160
_
573
00:19:51,260 --> 00:19:52,439
Hello, everyone.
574
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,419
We're here with the one, the only
575
00:19:54,420 --> 00:19:55,483
Beverly Goldberg.
576
00:19:55,484 --> 00:19:57,319
Is it true? Did Adam really say
577
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:58,697
"I hate you" on Mother's Day?
578
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,509
Those were his exact words.
579
00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:01,909
"I hate you, Mom."
580
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:03,994
And it was particularly hurtful
581
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:05,871
because Adam was my youngest,
582
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,956
and he used to hang out
with me all the time.
583
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:11,293
I was devastated and cried
when he said those words.
584
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:13,420
Have you ever been
"done" with your kids?
585
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,130
Yes, for about two hours.
586
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,841
No matter what they do in
life, they're mine for life.
587
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:19,779
If you had to take a break
from one of your sons,
588
00:20:19,780 --> 00:20:21,420
which one of them would
you be done with?
589
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:22,599
I thought you were gonna ask me
590
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:24,980
who would take a break from me.
591
00:20:27,410 --> 00:20:29,449
You know, I've been thinking
a lot about "Willow,"
592
00:20:29,450 --> 00:20:31,210
and I gotta say, the
movie stayed with me.
593
00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:33,315
Me too, bro! I mean, Val Kilmer!
594
00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:34,479
Val Kilmer!
595
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,640
That dude is awesome
in everything he does.
596
00:20:36,650 --> 00:20:39,529
"Top Secret," "Real
Genius," "Lost Boys."
597
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,404
Val Kilmer isn't in "Lost Boys."
598
00:20:41,405 --> 00:20:42,439
Of course he is.
599
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,519
He's the vampire with
the face and the fangs.
600
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,779
I will bet you 20 large that
you are dead wrong, Dave Kim.
601
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,119
You are so on!
602
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:51,819
We'll just go to the public
library, scan the microfiche,
603
00:20:51,820 --> 00:20:54,390
and pore over every
People magazine on file.
604
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,309
After hours of researching
and cross-referencing, boom!
605
00:20:57,310 --> 00:20:58,759
We will have our answer!
606
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,800
Dude, our modern world is awesome.
41344
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