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1
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:06,406
- Housewares!
2
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:09,307
Baby and toddler!
3
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:11,077
Pet food!
4
00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:12,378
- Okay, I get...
I get that Cloud 9
5
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,310
is an Olympic sponsor,
but do all the stores do
6
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:15,775
an actual Olympic
opening ceremony?
7
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,117
- Nope, just us.
8
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,278
Glenn has more
company pride than most.
9
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:22,046
- I feel like I've been
transported to Rio.
10
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,186
- Pharmacy!
11
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:27,091
Toys and sporting goods!
12
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,094
- Is the life jacket
really necessary?
13
00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:30,156
- Don't talk to me.
14
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,198
Don't talk to me.
Don't talk to me.
15
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:35,168
- Our assistant manager, Dina!
- I'm not a part of this.
16
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,437
I just happen to be walking
in the same direction.
17
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:41,268
- And now, to light
the Cloud 9 Olympic cauldron
18
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:47,075
is store 1217's
oldest living employee.
19
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,152
- There she is!
An American hero!
20
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:56,655
- Glenn, you did not tell me
you'd be using actual fire.
21
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,257
- Yes, I did.
22
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,259
I put it in my column
in the newsletter.
23
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:01,491
- Nobody reads
"Glenn's Corner," okay?
24
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,125
- Did you read
my thing on gluten?
25
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:04,360
- Absolutely not.
- Yeah, well, it was good.
26
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:06,095
- This is a hazard.
- I got a lot of...
27
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,730
How is that a hazard?
- No, the fire, not the...
28
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,165
- How is that a hazard?
29
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,770
- Uh, Glenn.
- No, Myrtle!
30
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,071
That's not the cauldron!
31
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:15,542
- Oh.
32
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:19,283
- It's okay,
it's just a little baby fire!
33
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,146
All right, okay, I've got this!
34
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:25,481
I've got this!
35
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:29,756
Everybody evacuate the store!
- No! Nobody run!
36
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,357
We have an elected
store fire marshal
37
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,726
who will lead us from
the building safely.
38
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:36,357
Elias!
Where is Elias?
39
00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:39,363
- You are strong.
Women love you. People...
40
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:45,469
- Um, I just came here
to return these.
41
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:46,473
- Do you have your receipt?
- I do.
42
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,474
- Okay.
43
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,883
- I'm feeling really
patriotic right now?
44
00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,385
- Well, we are breathing in
a lot of smoke.
45
00:02:07,695 --> 00:02:10,895
- All right, it's been
an exciting 17 days
46
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,798
of our Olympic promotion.
47
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,130
A couple of hiccups there
at the beginning,
48
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,736
what with the inferno.
49
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:20,237
Anyway, uh, we're not gonna
have any accidents today
50
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:22,408
during my closing ceremony.
51
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:24,777
- Oh, no. Absolutely not.
Not happening.
52
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,678
No, your ceremony
was not only reckless,
53
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,210
it was lame, and that's worse.
54
00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:30,815
- Like you could do better.
- If I gave a crap.
55
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:32,618
- Well, crap away, lady.
56
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,287
- Ugh.
- Game on.
57
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:36,288
I am gonna close
that ceremony so hard.
58
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,220
- I wish someone would
close you so hard.
59
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:40,385
- Oh, really? I'd just
open myself right back up again.
60
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,428
- Excuse me, do the rest of us
need to be here?
61
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:43,759
- Yeah, uh, sorry, other stuff.
62
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:47,567
Okay. Organic apples
are on sale today.
63
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:48,798
Make sure the customers know,
64
00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:51,471
and also, uh,
Olympian Missy Jones
65
00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:53,706
is appearing in-store.
66
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,767
- Wait, Missy Jones?
67
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:58,836
The gold medal-winning
gymnast Missy Jones?
68
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,346
Seriously?
69
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:02,647
- I used to do gymnastics
when I was little.
70
00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:04,780
It wasn't at
the Olympics, though.
71
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,885
It was at Bev's Tumble Palace.
72
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,617
- Mateo,
what's that on your vest?
73
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,391
- Oh! Uh,
it's the Filipino flag.
74
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,726
I just thought I'd support my
home country for the Olympics.
75
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,357
Pinoy Pride!
76
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,762
- Okay, that's your choice,
I guess.
77
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,495
I just thought that,
during the Olympics,
78
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:22,769
it'd be fun to pretend
that we're all American.
79
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:25,438
Even you, Sandra.
- I'm from Hawaii.
80
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:26,869
- Not today, you're not!
81
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,676
- I do love America, but
the Philippines is also great.
82
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,807
- Yeah, of course, absolutely.
83
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:34,412
Just that, technically,
America's number one.
84
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:36,875
- Well, Glenn, what do you
mean, "technically"?
85
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,318
- Just as a fact.
86
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,549
That's the saying...
"America's number one."
87
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,523
- Well, but other countries
believe that they're number one.
88
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:46,993
- But America is number one.
89
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,728
'Cause it's first in the world.
90
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,629
- That's an
airtight argument, though.
91
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,298
- Well, uh,
first in the world in what?
92
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:53,466
- Being the best.
93
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:54,997
- At?
94
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,736
- Being number one.
95
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:59,637
Of... countries...
96
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,940
And planets.
97
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:12,819
Just talk to her.
98
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:13,950
- Yeah, I'm going to.
99
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,021
She's just busy,
and I don't want to...
100
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,589
- Hey, Missy.
- Dina, no.
101
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,420
- Hi. Dina Fawkes,
assistant manager.
102
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,886
- Hi, I'm Amy.
103
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,496
I am a big fan.
- I'm not.
104
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,527
No offense, I'm just not
impressed by celebrities,
105
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,267
but I do have an Olympics
related question.
106
00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,928
- Great.
Maybe I can answer.
107
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,836
- Is it true that
the Olympic Village is basically
108
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,698
just a three-week-long
Slammerama?
109
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:36,876
- Uh, I don't think I know
how to answer that.
110
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:37,907
- All the best bodies
in the world.
111
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:39,911
All those synthetic fabrics.
112
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:43,449
Nobody speaks the same language,
so everything means yes.
113
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,918
I'm gonna name some Olympians,
and you tell me if you've...
114
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,749
Mm-mm.
115
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:52,416
Honestly, I think we were
all just there to compete.
116
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:54,526
- I get it.
I got to buy the book.
117
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,458
Okay.
118
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:59,363
- I'm sorry, I'm just... I'm not
comfortable talking about
119
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:01,066
that part of my life.
120
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,568
- Oh, no, no, no.
121
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,737
I'm not...
I had your poster on my wall
122
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,668
when I was a kid, and, um,
I dressed my Barbie like you,
123
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,805
and my brother cut it in half,
but it wasn't personal.
124
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,640
It was... he was just...
But he's fine now.
125
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,645
- Amy, right?
126
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:16,447
- Yeah.
- Take a breath.
127
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:23,516
You are the best in the world
128
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:26,392
at being you.
129
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:27,927
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
130
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,896
- That's amazing.
- Yeah.
131
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,357
- Your eyes are like lasers.
132
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:32,795
- I know.
133
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,367
- I'm gonna start
by naming the weight lifters.
134
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:35,398
- No.
- Milen Dobrev.
135
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:36,602
- This is not...
- Pyrros Dimas.
136
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:37,803
- Appropriate.
- Gleb Pisarevskiy.
137
00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:39,735
- Okay.
- Gleb?
138
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,870
No way.
139
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,835
Lucky.
140
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:50,616
- Oh, I just love
this coffeemaker.
141
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,747
It's the best one we sell.
142
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,453
Look at that.
143
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:57,415
Made in the USA.
144
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,392
- Yep.
Uh-huh.
145
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:00,860
I see that.
146
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,461
- You know what I was just
thinking about just now?
147
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:06,699
How the United States has
three of the world's
148
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,736
longest rivers
and the Grand Canyon
149
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:12,667
in northwestern Arizona.
150
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:15,843
It's a beautiful country.
151
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,786
- She says stuff
that should sound cheesy,
152
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:37,655
but, coming out of her mouth,
it's, like, magical.
153
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:38,864
They say people shouldn't meet
their heroes,
154
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:40,526
but I'm really glad I did.
155
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,802
- I once paid $200
to have lunch with Terry Gross...
156
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:46,606
From NPR, and she was
on her phone the entire time.
157
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:50,407
- When I was 16, I was trying
to get a ride to the mall.
158
00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:54,947
When she was 16, she was
competing in the Olympics.
159
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,978
That's, like, Cheyenne's age.
160
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:59,519
- Oh, I'm 17, actually.
161
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,820
- So, younger than Cheyenne,
162
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,451
and she was already
a gold medal winner.
163
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:04,986
- $200,
and I picked up the check.
164
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:07,560
I'm just saying, the woman
makes conversation for a living.
165
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:12,198
- I can't imagine being 16
and having accomplished so much.
166
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,966
- Is this gonna take much
longer?
167
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,797
- I don't know, okay?
168
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:18,643
I'm sorry that I'm not
a stupid gold medalist!
169
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:24,811
- My daughter's
getting married today.
170
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,679
To a lesbian.
171
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:27,780
- Ah.
172
00:07:34,521 --> 00:07:35,888
- I've spent the last few weeks
173
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,619
watching people my age
be the best in the world,
174
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,685
and I'm barely getting
through summer school.
175
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:43,763
- Cheyenne,
you're just overwhelmed, okay?
176
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:44,997
With school and...
177
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,598
and I remember what it was like
178
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,730
having to take all those
child-birthing classes
179
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,895
and the CPR classes
and breastfeeding class...
180
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,774
- I haven't been taking
any of those!
181
00:07:57,844 --> 00:08:00,146
- Um, okay, Cheyenne?
182
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,777
Hey! Hey, hey!
Look at me.
183
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,518
Take a deep breath.
184
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:15,061
- You are the best in the world
185
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:18,698
at being you.
186
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,829
- Is that from the poster
in Glenn's office?
187
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,865
- It was better
when Missy did it.
188
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,807
Okay, let me try it again.
189
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:31,109
- I can't compete with this.
190
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,879
It's like Chinese people's
only purpose in life
191
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,210
is to humiliate me.
192
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,682
- So you're trying to make
your closing ceremonies
193
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,952
compete with the actual ceremony
from the actual Olympics?
194
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:42,688
- I need a helper.
195
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:43,956
How about this?
196
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,187
We start with a fleet
of helicopters
197
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,792
descending on the store.
198
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:48,561
- Okay, we? I'm... me?
I'm the helper?
199
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:49,829
- Yeah.
- Okay.
200
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,230
Well, how about,
instead of helicopters,
201
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:54,166
we go for something
a tad less ambitious
202
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,927
and use, like, streamers?
203
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,196
- Interesting.
204
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,838
We could shoot them
out of a cannon.
205
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:01,707
Or we could put a cannon
on a helicopter.
206
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,277
- Ooh, okay, well, and then,
building on that,
207
00:09:04,278 --> 00:09:06,208
how about none of that stuff,
208
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:09,113
and everybody carries
a tiny little flag?
209
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:13,586
Maybe we should focus on stuff
we can actually pull off.
210
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:15,747
- Okay. I hear you.
- Right?
211
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,786
I'm being unreasonable.
212
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:20,560
Do you have access to
a team of white stallions?
213
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:21,961
- A team? No.
214
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,962
- Then I'm back to helicopters.
215
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,239
- Hey!
216
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,940
Look what I found
over in menswear.
217
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:39,579
A good old pair
of American blue jeans pants.
218
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,880
- Hey, lookin' good.
- So casual.
219
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:45,722
Good luck getting a pair
of these babies in "Ma-nai-la."
220
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,320
- You know, I...
I think he means well.
221
00:09:49,323 --> 00:09:50,756
He's... he's just...
He doesn't unders...
222
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,857
- It's not like
I don't love America.
223
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:54,226
I do.
224
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,787
But it's not perfect.
225
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:58,256
You guys are
way too into brunch.
226
00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,855
I wish Asians
were allowed to vote.
227
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,266
And I... I don't really get
the whole basement thing...
228
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,768
- Hold on...
Hold on a second.
229
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:03,899
What are you...
What are you talking about?
230
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:04,904
- Yeah, I know...
It's a democracy.
231
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:05,995
One person, one vote...
232
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,206
Oh, unless
you're Asian-American.
233
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,367
Tell me why that is.
234
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:10,275
- I don't know that I can.
235
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,646
Are you... Mateo, you're
an American citizen, right?
236
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,716
- Oh, just 'cause I'm Asian,
I can't be a citizen?
237
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,017
- No, no, I'm...
I'm sorry.
238
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:19,878
It's just that I've read
about so many situations
239
00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:21,846
where parents bring their kids
into the country illegally,
240
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,685
and then, you know,
they don't even tell them
241
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,157
that they're undocumented.
242
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,088
- Believe me,
I have plenty of documents.
243
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:29,862
I went to the green card store
personally with my grandmother.
244
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:32,198
- The... green card store?
245
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,999
- Yeah, they sell green cards
and knockoff handbags
246
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,772
and bootleg "Spider-Man" DVDs.
247
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:45,378
Green card
248
00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:46,979
counterfeit?
249
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,410
American citizen?
250
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,176
"Spider-Man"...
251
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,718
Netflix.
252
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:55,019
- I want to show you
something, okay?
253
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:58,858
See this?
254
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:01,759
This looks like
a stupid person wrote it, right?
255
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,696
Well, it was me when I was five.
256
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,857
I wrote that,
and I put it on my wall,
257
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,766
and I worked
towards it every day,
258
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,668
because there's nothing
you can't do
259
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:14,306
if you work hard, focus,
and believe in yourself.
260
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:17,977
- Wow, that is so cool.
- It's very cool.
261
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:19,738
- Can I touch it?
262
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:20,876
- Yeah, absolutely,
it's just a card.
263
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,711
It's not magic.
264
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,416
'Cause guess where
the real magic is?
265
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,821
- Is it in me?
- Yeah, bingo.
266
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,289
It's in you.
And it's not real.
267
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,090
Magic isn't real.
It's tricks.
268
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:34,860
Done by a liar.
Remember that.
269
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:39,899
- The Philippines has over
19 different regional languages.
270
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,930
Hello? Indecisive much?
271
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,296
Where is Mateo?
272
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,404
- Oh, uh, you know what?
273
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:46,395
Maybe...
Maybe take it easy
274
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,366
on Mateo today.
- Why?
275
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:51,435
- Uh, well...
Not just Mateo, you know?
276
00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:53,745
There's a lot of employees here
from different countries
277
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,477
and, you know, making them say
America is the best...
278
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,416
That's just... not cool.
279
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,777
- It's the Olympics!
280
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:02,246
It's all about rooting
for your country
281
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,815
and saying all the other
countries eat beans.
282
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,285
- Well, but it's,
it's also about the countries
283
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,493
coming together, you know?
284
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,994
That's why the rings
are interlocked.
285
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:13,396
- Oh, I thought
it was just a symbol.
286
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:17,036
I didn't know
it symbolized something.
287
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:22,937
I am appearing at the opening
of a motorcycle dealership.
288
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:25,778
- Oh!
You're leaving already?
289
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,509
Maybe we could, like,
trade numbers and...
290
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:31,450
- Oh, hey.
We're not gonna do that.
291
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,381
- Okay.
- Yeah.
292
00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:34,846
- I get it.
293
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,455
Bye.
294
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,817
Oh, my God,
isn't she so amazing?
295
00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:43,896
- Yeah.
Thank you so much for this.
296
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:46,997
I just haven't been
believing in myself.
297
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,069
I'm gonna find a card,
write my dream down,
298
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,400
and make it come true.
299
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,873
- Good for you.
300
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,474
- I'm gonna quit school
and become an Olympic gymnast.
301
00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:04,875
- So, dropping out of school,
302
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,415
that's a big risk for...
303
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,549
For a field
that's so competitive
304
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:11,055
and which so few people succeed.
305
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:14,827
- I know it's a risk,
but I believe in myself.
306
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,488
And back when I took gymnastics,
307
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,896
Coach Bev said
I was her best trier
308
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:20,466
in her Tuesday-Thursday class.
309
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,027
- Coach Bev said that, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
310
00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:25,896
- I think what Amy is
trying to say is that, uh,
311
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:29,036
a lot of Olympic gymnasts
train their whole lives,
312
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:34,412
so writing it down a card
might not be enough.
313
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:36,248
- Really?
314
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:39,418
- No, that is not what
I was trying to say, Jonah.
315
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:42,949
I was trying to say Tokyo 2020!
316
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:53,866
- Bonjour and sayonara,
everyone.
317
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:56,567
I just picked up
a multicultural buffet.
318
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:59,400
I got some, uh, egg rolls
from the Orient
319
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,566
and pizza...
That's from Italy.
320
00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:06,275
Anyway, there's, uh, no reason
for anyone to feel excluded.
321
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:09,079
Now, I think
all countries are equal.
322
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:12,551
You know, whether you're
of Mexican descent like Amy.
323
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:13,886
- Honduran.
324
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:16,147
- I don't speak Spanish, sorry.
325
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:19,186
Or like Garrett...
You're, um...
326
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,192
- Norwegian.
327
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,128
- Wha...
Really?
328
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:26,198
Huh...
But you're also part, um...
329
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,599
- Swedish.
330
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:29,631
- O...
Okay, um.
331
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,466
Or...
Or like Mateo.
332
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:33,371
You're from the Philippines.
333
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,573
- I may have been born
in the Philippines,
334
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,509
but I am true-blue American.
335
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:38,878
Dane Cook!
336
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,009
- These burritos
all have meat in them,
337
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,553
so I can't eat any of these.
338
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,556
- All right, listen up.
339
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,632
We're putting together
tonight's closing ceremony,
340
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:00,966
so we need to know if any of you
341
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,497
have any special skills.
342
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,202
- I'm a pretty good singer.
343
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:07,114
- Okay. Sing "Car Wash"
with me immediately.
344
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,674
Fail!
345
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:10,906
The vocals don't come in
346
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:12,278
for another ten measures.
347
00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:14,146
Also, you have the worst voice
I've ever heard.
348
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:15,507
What about you?
349
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,045
I assume you have
no special skills.
350
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:22,187
- Um, I have highly superior
autobiographical memory.
351
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:24,088
It means I remember
everything that happened
352
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,457
every day of my life.
353
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,526
- Wow.
That must be excruciating.
354
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:28,687
Your life is pathetic.
355
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:29,655
- That's exactly what you said
356
00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:31,633
the last time I told you.
357
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,167
April 8, 2012.
358
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,198
Sorry.
359
00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:38,137
- This is a disaster!
360
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,438
- We got a lot of
great stuff here.
361
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,439
- Are you kidding?
362
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,440
I mean, this is the Olympics.
363
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,542
They're about excellence.
364
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,077
- Except it's not the Olympics.
365
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:47,378
It's a store that sells
discount soda pop
366
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,210
and provides a bathroom
for homeless dudes.
367
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:50,975
- And there he is.
368
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,718
Mr. Cool Guy Garrett,
369
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,349
who doesn't care about anything.
370
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,554
Well, you know what?
371
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,055
I'm not cool.
372
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,457
I don't know how
to play the trumpet.
373
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,118
I don't wear tie-dye shirts.
374
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,086
- You think
those things are cool?
375
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,485
- You're off the team.
376
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,526
- Okay, fine, whatever.
377
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:06,598
Sorry, guys.
378
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,567
Forget the whole thing.
379
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,536
- I can't.
380
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:13,037
- All you have to do
is write it on the card,
381
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:16,208
believe in it,
and your dreams will come true!
382
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:17,509
- Oh, hey!
383
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,446
Are you guys doing that
Missy-dream-card thing
384
00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:22,577
where you write down
your realistic dreams?
385
00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:24,049
- Uh, realistic?
386
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:25,180
- Yeah, that's the point.
387
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,445
You make your dreams realistic
388
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:30,422
so that you're not setting
yourself up for disappointment.
389
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,723
- I wrote "go to Mars."
390
00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:33,585
- That's a great example.
391
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:36,093
Um, I think Missy would say...
392
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,296
if you want to go
somewhere interesting,
393
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:40,566
then maybe write
something like, um...
394
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:42,327
- "Go to Disneyland."
395
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,465
- Exactly.
- Are you insane?
396
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:47,106
It's super expensive.
397
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,637
- Okay, but you think that...
Never mind.
398
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:51,777
Let's try someone else.
Uh...
399
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,478
"Nail Scarlett Johansson."
400
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,310
- Ah.
- Okay.
401
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,675
Maybe more realistically...
402
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,183
Why don't you try to "nail"
403
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,619
someone you actually know?
404
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:01,650
Like your wife?
405
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,454
- Oh, cool, that'd be awesome.
406
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:04,716
- No, it wouldn't.
407
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:07,059
- What I'm trying to say
is you may not
408
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,460
be able to
"start the next Google"
409
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:11,462
or, uh, "be Beyoncé,"
410
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,264
or "try lobster..."
411
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,466
No, Carol, that is a good one.
412
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:17,298
You could actually
do that right now.
413
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:19,338
- I'm allergic.
It would kill me.
414
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,539
- Okay, well, then,
maybe don't try the lobster,
415
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:25,077
but what I'm saying is
you can't just do anything.
416
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,678
If you could, then Garrett could
just make himself walk.
417
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,675
That's just the first thing
that came to mind.
418
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,052
- Well, you know what?
419
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:35,153
I never tried writing it
on a card before.
420
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:42,693
Nope.
421
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:45,629
- Cheyenne, what did you write?
422
00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:47,832
Um, let's see, uh,
423
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:50,536
"Olympic gymnast"?
- Hmm...
424
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,537
- Thoughts?
Realistic?
425
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,107
- You know,
I don't know anymore.
426
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,838
- Yeah, 'cause we could
replace this with, um,
427
00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:00,079
like, uh, college graduate.
- Oh!
428
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,680
- Or, um, businesswoman.
- There you go.
429
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,149
- Yeah, okay, I get it.
430
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:05,480
- You do?
- Yeah.
431
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:06,815
You don't believe I can do it.
432
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:08,250
- No.
- No, no.
433
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,589
- No, that is not
what I'm saying.
434
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,290
- Thanks, Amy.
435
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,527
- Hey.
436
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:18,528
If Elias isn't nailing
Scarlett Johansson, can I?
437
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:21,471
- Sure.
- Yes!
438
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,798
Ooh, thank you.
439
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:29,141
- Cheyenne.
- What?
440
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,477
Now you don't even believe
I can sell jewelry?
441
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:34,308
- Oh, come on.
- I'm not stupid, okay?
442
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:37,382
I never really thought I could
become an Olympic athlete.
443
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:39,151
- So then why were you...
444
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:41,120
- It was just nice
living the fantasy for a while.
445
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,351
You know, like, when you buy
a lottery ticket
446
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,356
and you plan on how
you're gonna spend the money,
447
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,788
even though you know
you're not really gonna win?
448
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,328
- Look, Cheyenne,
449
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:52,229
I know... that you...
450
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:55,501
are destined for greatness.
451
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,369
- Sorry, it just sounds cheesy.
452
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,670
- I don't know how she does it!
453
00:19:00,572 --> 00:19:02,441
Glenn?
454
00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:04,309
Uh...
455
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:07,146
This isn't easy
for me to say, but, um,
456
00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:11,416
I found out today
that I am not an American.
457
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,847
But I love this job and, um...
458
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:18,290
- Mateo.
You're an American.
459
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:21,860
And I'm Filipino.
And everybody's everything.
460
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:25,161
So it's like nobody's anything.
461
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:28,465
And that's beautiful.
462
00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:30,168
- Well, okay.
463
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,200
- Okay.
464
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:34,365
Let me see that pin.
465
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,574
Okay.
466
00:19:43,882 --> 00:19:45,551
- Heh.
467
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:47,286
- You stick yourself?
468
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,717
- So bad.
Right into the bone.
469
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:52,457
- Do you want me
to go get someone or...
470
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:54,788
- Just be with me.
471
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,962
- I just don't know
that I did the right thing.
472
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,863
I mean, it feels weird
convincing a teenager
473
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,596
to not follow their dream.
474
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,531
- Maybe think of it
as convincing a teen mom
475
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,296
not to drop out of school.
476
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,795
Especially
for something impossible.
477
00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:09,436
- I mean, I do wish impossible
things could happen sometimes,
478
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,442
but this is the real world.
479
00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:18,251
- What is going on?
480
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:24,421
- I think this might be
the closing ceremony.
481
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:25,992
That I helped plan.
482
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,377
- Only in America.
483
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:49,248
But also only in anywhere
else in the world, really.
484
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:54,787
- Damn.
She got everything except the...
485
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,031
- Whoo!
486
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,500
Helicopter!
487
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:15,607
- Hey, Glenn!
In your face!
488
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,638
What?
489
00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:20,313
- Suck it, Glenn!
35152
