All language subtitles for Trollied s01e07 Gavins Night Out.eng

- I'll come round and cook it.
- We have 17 varieties of papadom.

Offers on everything
from booze to biscuits.

- Loads of 2-for-1s.
- Service with a smile.

- Fresh produce...
- ..delivered daily.

- The Valco tick.
- That way.

- Valco!
- I wasn't ready.

Valco. Serves you right!

Valco. Serves you right!

Very sorry about this, madam.
It gets...

Something tickling your fancy, Andy?

You know what this is, Maggie?
Gold dust, pure gold dust.

- You wouldn't believe your eyes.
- No, I probably wouldn't.

Especially me left one.

I looked through a telescope once
and it's never gone back to normal.

Unbelievable!

Alright, boss?

Gavin Leslie Strong,
what have you done?

Darren's new girlfriend looks like her.

- Beyonce?
- Dead spit.

Just to remind all Valco customers
we have a special offer

on our new Valco Meal For One range,

which includes
a delicious supreme chicken fricasse.

- Except she's taller.
- Right.

- And fatter.
- Right.

And white.

What, all of 'em?

Yes. It was fixed last night
and needs restocking.

- It'll take me all day.
- Get someone to help you.

Like who?

For goodness sake, Colin, shall I wipe
your backside for you as well?

Just the man.
Leighton, come here, mate.

Julie wants us to restock these shelves.

Not a problem.

- Do you think my arms have got longer?
- Definitely.

It'll help us to get to the back.

- Do I look taller as well?
- Yes!

I do definitely, yeah.

Here he is, Slash Gordon.

Sorry?

- You don't remember, do you?
- Remember what?

Last night?

Oh, yeah, yeah, most of it.
Parts. No, not much, no.

Remember bumping into me at the Crown?

- Vaguely.
- You'd played a cricket match,

I'd just won the pub quiz.

You helped me drink the winnings,

a crate of Fosters.

I drank lager?!

Followed by Sambuca chasers.
You nearly set fire to your chair.

- Didn't some idiot throw water at me?
- No, that was me.

I think it's probably best
if this remained a private matter.

No problemo, Gav. My lips are sealed.

Just between you and me
and a hole in the wall.

You might wanna get an alarm
put on that alarm clock of yours.

Yeah.

Katie, what are you doing?!

That woman left this potato,
reckoned she could see Jesus in it.

It's not funny to mock
the mentally afflicted, Katie.

Christ! Literally!
There's his nose, can you see it?

No, I can't!

What I can see is a checkout girl
looking for a new job tomorrow.

Julie, you're wanted
in the manager's office.

- Tannoy.
- What?

You know the procedure, use the tannoy.
It's an official announcement.

Julie Cook
to the manager's office, please.

Julie Cook to the manager's office.

Better. Work!

- You know what she needs?
- Let me guess, a good hard seeing to.

No, I were gonna say a holiday.

With a dildo.

Should have seen the boss last night,
pissed as arseholes he was.

Yeah?

What's up with you? Got a face on you
like a slapped bollock.

- It's Emma, she wants to meet me.
- What's wrong with that?

In my lunch hour. For lunch.

She never meets me for lunch.
What do you reckon she wants?

Lunch?

- Says she wants to tell me something.
- She's up the duff, isn't she?

No! She can't be.

Once that biological clock starts,
it's hard to take the batteries out.

- Give it a rest! She's not pregnant.
- Alright, alright.

Bloody better not be.

Baby food's on aisle 6, by the way.

Julie!

I'm afraid I've got some bad news
and some good news.

I'm afraid that Leanne has decided
she doesn't want to return to work.

That is a shame.
What's the bad news?

- That is the bad news.
- Right. What's the good news?

You can apply
to fill her position permanently.

Yes!

- Julie Cook one, Leanne Baxter nil.
- You are on the same team, Julie.

Yes, sorry.
Except Leanne has been red-carded.

She wasn't sent off... sacked,
it was her choice to leave.

- Yes, let's tell everyone that.
- Well, it's the truth.

Gavin, you've no idea
how much this means to me.

Gavin! You're wearing
your Thursday shirt on a Friday.

So I am!

You look a bit washed out.
In fact, very washed out.

I had more than my usual post-match
two halves of Speckled Hen last night.

- How much more?
- I think I had four... pints.

Possibly followed by lager.

Are you having
a mid-life crisis, Gavin?

Thursday's shirt, lager.
What next, marijuana?

- Has someone led you astray?
- No, I take full responsibility.

Although apparently Andy
helped pour sambucas down me.

Andy? Butcher Andy?

I bumped into him in the pub

and then that's when my memory
becomes something of an empty chair.

- I'd best get that.
- Right.

Anything else?

Just leave you
to your telephone call.

The weird thing is I had a dream
I was an animal last night.

- Yeah?
- I was a werewolf or something.

Did you kill someone?

No, I just drank lots of milk
and chased a mouse.

- Sounds like a pretty shit werewolf.
- Maybe I was a cat.

Whoa, look at those!
I tell you what,

I could get lost in Winslett's tits
for about a week.

What's that?

- Sweepstake. Want a go?
- What's it for?

Taking bets on why Emma
wants to see you for lunch.

What?

- 2-1 up the duff?
- I've got a tenner on that.

Cheers.

5-1 , she'll dump him. Nice.
7-2, met someone else.

50p each way? It's not a race.

Margaret.

Right.

- I hope you've apologised to Gavin.
- What for?

For getting him drunk.
Does he look like a lager lout?

He did when we carried him
out the pub.

- We?
- Me, Kelly, couple of the lads.

Kelly? Who's Kelly?

- Hello, love, what can I do for you?
- Sausages, please.

Sausages. Yes, we've got pork,
pork and leek...

Then I had this other dream
where I was just asleep.

You had a dream you were asleep?

Yeah, it went on for seven hours.

Alright, it sounds good, man.

Left a bit, bit more...

- There, can you see it?
- Yeah. He's got the beard and all.

Careful, you nearly cracked a smile.

Well, with everyone betting on
my relationship, how would you feel?

Lighten up, it's only a bit of fun.

She might dump me!

- She thinks the world of you.
- You reckon?

- 'Course she does.
- Yeah?

Changed me mind. I'll do the same as you
and stick a fiver on her being preggers.

For f...!

What?

Thing is, I make double my money.

- Gavin.
- How are the Meal For Ones?

I'm just about to put them out.
How are you feeling now?

A little better, thank you.

Look, marrowfat peas
in with the mushy peas.

How does that happen?

Andy mentioned something about
you being helped out of the pub

by him and Kelly, I think he said?

- Kelly?
- Is she just a friend or...?

I think we might have crept
over the boundaries of shop talk.

Sorry.

She could have ironed
your shirt for you.

Sorry?

Nothing.

Hi, Andrew.

I love your...

Anyhow, Gavin was telling me
about your big night out with Kelly.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, sounded pretty wild.

Just a couple of single guys
letting off some steam.

So, when he left you,
was he alone or...?

Sorry, Julie. What happens in the Crown
stays in the Crown.

There was something.

What?

Sorry, it's gone.

Pick that up.

So, preggers or dumped?

Neither.

She asked me to marry her.

Christ on a dyke! What did you say?

I think I said...

- ..yeah.
- Yes?

What the hell did you say that for,
you stupid pillock?

I mean, congratulations, mate.

Well done.

I love a bit of good old-fashioned
romance. What life's all about.

Give us a hand with these trotters.

Would you like a butty, Gavin?
My Alan's made them.

Pilchard paste or beef paste

or surf and turf, as he calls it.

No, thank you, Margaret.

What sort of person
pees on a cash machine?

Warrington's gone to the dogs.

- That's not on, is it, Julie?
- No, Margaret, it is not. What next?

Defecating on the war memorial? Does
a hole in the wall look like a urinal?

Maybe he's French. They do their
business in a hole in the ground.

Wherever he's from,
je ne suis pas...

je ne suis... amused. I'd like to see
him pee up a cash machine in prison.

Yeah.

Don't let Julie see that,
she'll have an eppy.

Never thought of getting yours done?

No.

Getting me tuna tie-backs done next.

- What?
- My labia.

- Special occasion?
- Christening.

Sorry, it's a health and safety issue.

Alright, Gav? Looking a bit more
like your old self now.

You were the colour
of boiled shite earlier.

That kind of language
belongs in the locker room.

I wanted to ask you, who's Kelly?

Kelly? Landlady.

Sorted our cabs.
Hey, have you seen this?

Give me that.

You'd think we'd make the front splash,
though.

Splash, get it?

Andrew, I hardly think urinating at
a cash machine is a laughing matter.

- If anyone finds out I was involved...
- Nah, don't worry, Gav.

- You're one of the boys now.
- I'd rather not be one of the boys.

Look at my hands, Linda.

- What?
- I used to have beautiful hands, me.

You're mental, talking about
how your hands have aged.

I once got stopped in the street
and asked to model them.

He said I had perfect hands for
modelling. Rings, nail varnish...

- Did you do it?
- No.

Never know who watches these things.
Probably perverts half the time.

I doubt it, nail varnish
and ring modelling.

Either way,

I don't like the idea of some grubby old
purve wanking over my hands.

And it's not even a leap year.
And at lunch time.

She was gonna ask me tonight
but she couldn't wait, so...

My Alan proposed on a Monday.

Well, house always wins anyway.

Can't we buy an engagement present
with that?

Yeah!

Great minds, Maggie. I was just
about to suggest the same thing.

You!

You with your stuff!
It's brilliant, mate.

- Best news ever.
- Cheers, mate, thanks.

Word of advice, when you get married,
keep your own name.

- Don't let her take your name.
- I'll bear that in mind!

High five.

Thanks, mate.

Nice.

Ta-ra.

I hear congratulations
are in order, Kieran.

- Yeah.
- Word of advice.

If you're celebrating tonight,
remember you're in at eight tomorrow.

Thanks, Julie.

- Right, back to work, everyone.
- Sweet.

- So you're getting married?
- That's right, yeah.

You're engaged?

As in engaged to be married?

Yeah, that's the one.

Congratulations.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

- That's brilliant.
- Yeah, it's great.

Well done. I've got to get back...
to Susan.

- See you later.
- See you.

You, my friend, are empty.

- What, we done, yeah?
- Yeah. Ready meals have left the cage.

Do us a favour,
stick it back in the back.

10-4. Hey, Colin?

Do you think my arms have got
even longer since this morning?

Yeah. No, definitely.

This vehicle is reversing.

There's your receipt.

Shat himself.

- The weekend rotas you asked for.
- Thank you, Julie.

They really are like doing five
different jigsaw puzzles at once,

so thank you very much.

Right.

- Was there something else, Julie?
- Just one thing.

I'll say this,
then I'll never mention it again.

- If it's the faulty light on aisle 9...
- No, it's not that.

I've been bottling this up all day

like a very angry genie
waiting to burst out.

Oh, dear.

- But it's time the bottle was rubbed.
- Oh, Lord.

- Where you off, then?
- Going to the cinema.

- Like my new lippy?
- Yeah, it'll look good in the dark.

Cheeky bitch!

I know you're a hot-blooded man
with needs, Gavin,

and it's perfectly natural
for you to fulfil those needs.

- But it's like you've changed.
- Right.

- How much do you know?
- Enough to know you were led astray.

Well, that is right enough.
But if head office ever found out

a manager of Valco urinated at a
cash machine, drunk as a skunk...

That was you, the lout in the paper?

Yes. And to make matters worse,
I slept under my desk.

Thank God, Gavin!

I thought you'd been with...

Well, I thought it was something
much, much worse than that.

- You said I should be sent to prison.
- Yours is a demanding high-powered job.

You have to let off steam
every now and then.

Right. Anyway, I've no right to ask, but
would you mind keeping this to yourself?

A secret?

Between us?

Well, us and Andy.

But mainly us?

- If you like.
- Don't worry, Gavin.

My lips are sealed
and I won't let anyone open them.

Except you.

- Hey!
- Alright?

- Yeah, are you?
- Yeah.

Come on then, spill.

- What?
- Well, you went to lunch with Emma,

and she just asked you out of the blue?

Yeah, yeah.

And you said yes?

Yeah, that's what I said, yeah.

Well, at least you thought it through.

Early wedding present.

- Your receipt and change, thank you.
- Thank you.

So Tank has sweated cobs all night,

he wakes up
and when he looks down at his bed,

there's an outline of the Virgin Mary,

- no word of a lie.
- She slipped out when he was asleep?

He hung the sheet up,
called it the Birchwood Shroud,

charged a quid to see it.

No one showed up.

Alan's sister saw a Bee Gee
in a sausage roll once.

- Which one?
- Irene.

No.

Well, we were going for gold
but it's a bit gypsy wedding

so we've gone for platinum.
Nice, aren't they?

Yeah. Nice price.

Kieran said he can do extra hours.

That's a lot of hours.

Don't say anything, but we might have
got the venue we want for November.

God!

- Can't wait to see Kieran's face.
- Neither can I.

- You can tell him now.
- No, I'll wait till we get home.

- Got a glass of bubbly in our hands.
- Lovely.

Alright, fianc�?

Fianc�e.

- What have you got a potato for?
- This ain't just any old potato.

This is a very special potato.

Check it out,
see the outline of Jesus.

All I can see is a potato.
You two are mental.

- Totally.
- Yeah.

Hiya, hon. Yeah, he said yes.

I know, brilliant, isn't it?

Get a tenner out while you're there,
Gav. We need it for the cab.

- Hell's teeth! I've wet my shoes.
- Oh, no.

I was in no fit state to multi-task.

- One more time.
- No, really, please, delete it. Please.

Good night though, Gav. We'll
have to do it again next week, mate.

Listen, this will never happen again.

Just as you will never refer to me
as "Gav"

or "mate" again. Ever.

Suit yourself, Gav...in. Gavin.

That's �13.62.

Just seeing if it smelt of piss.

There you go.

Thank you for shopping at Valco.

- Night, Lisa.
- Night.

Night, Julie. Sleep well.

You might be saying
"Night, deputy manager" soon.

That's a bit of a mouthful.

No, I mean someone may be made
deputy manager permanently soon.

Can't say who.

Fingers crossed for whoever it is.

Night, Julie. Sleep well.

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