All language subtitles for Harold.and.Kumar.Go.to.White.Castle.2004.720p.BluRay.AC3.x264-NCmt.eng
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1
00:00:38,874 --> 00:00:41,335
Billy Boy!
Get your ass ready.
2
00:00:41,418 --> 00:00:44,254
It's almost 5:00, and this bad boy
needs to get his drink on.
3
00:00:44,338 --> 00:00:46,465
- No, no, no. Give me that...
- No, don't.
4
00:00:46,548 --> 00:00:48,800
- Or I'm gonna burn it once and for all.
- Stop that.
5
00:00:48,884 --> 00:00:51,470
Dude, it's been six months.
It's time to move on, okay?
6
00:00:51,553 --> 00:00:53,713
Whatever. I mean, even if
I wanted to meet other women,
7
00:00:53,764 --> 00:00:55,140
I wouldn't even know what to do.
8
00:00:55,224 --> 00:00:56,701
I've been out of the game
for so long.
9
00:00:56,725 --> 00:01:00,103
Billy, you come out with me tonight,
I promise you will get laid.
10
00:01:00,187 --> 00:01:01,539
Yeah, it... it sounds very tempting,
11
00:01:01,563 --> 00:01:04,107
but Berenson needs me to update
these financial models
12
00:01:04,191 --> 00:01:05,871
for the meeting
with the foreign investors.
13
00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:07,444
So what?
It's Friday night.
14
00:01:07,527 --> 00:01:09,214
The Germans are taking
an early flight back.
15
00:01:09,238 --> 00:01:10,864
The meeting got changed
to tomorrow.
16
00:01:10,948 --> 00:01:12,741
So? Why don't you
just get somebody else
17
00:01:12,824 --> 00:01:14,368
to do your work for you?
18
00:01:14,451 --> 00:01:15,702
Who?
19
00:01:15,786 --> 00:01:19,831
Harold, I need you to update
those models for me.
20
00:01:19,915 --> 00:01:22,518
- But, Billy, aren't you supposed to...
- I know. Something just came up.
21
00:01:22,542 --> 00:01:24,628
I have this meeting
with these new clients tonight,
22
00:01:24,711 --> 00:01:27,547
and I'm never gonna have time
to get to those. So...
23
00:01:27,631 --> 00:01:30,133
that's your
responsibility now, big boy.
24
00:01:30,217 --> 00:01:32,970
Uh, make sure those are in
by 9:00 sharp tomorrow.
25
00:01:33,053 --> 00:01:35,347
With all the downsizing
that's been going on around here,
26
00:01:35,430 --> 00:01:38,600
we wouldn't want to have to tell Berenson
you've been slacking, now would we?
27
00:01:42,437 --> 00:01:43,438
Um...
28
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:46,984
Yeah.
29
00:01:47,067 --> 00:01:48,986
Okay, no problem.
30
00:01:49,069 --> 00:01:50,362
Hey.
31
00:01:50,445 --> 00:01:52,823
You have a great weekend,
okay, buddy?
32
00:01:52,906 --> 00:01:54,950
I owe you one.
Just one.
33
00:01:55,951 --> 00:01:56,994
Thank you.
34
00:02:05,460 --> 00:02:08,880
Wow! That was amazing.
I cannot believe how easy that was.
35
00:02:08,964 --> 00:02:11,133
Dude, how do you think
I get all my shit done?
36
00:02:11,216 --> 00:02:13,403
I'm telling you, those Asian guys
love crunching numbers.
37
00:02:13,427 --> 00:02:15,012
You probably
just made his weekend.
38
00:02:23,937 --> 00:02:25,105
Fuck.
39
00:02:26,148 --> 00:02:27,917
An excellent point, Mr. Patel.
40
00:02:27,941 --> 00:02:30,444
You are one of the finest applicants
I have ever interviewed.
41
00:02:30,527 --> 00:02:32,738
- Thank you.
- And it comes as no surprise.
42
00:02:32,821 --> 00:02:35,866
Your father
is highly respected in his field.
43
00:02:35,949 --> 00:02:37,534
As you probably heard
from your old man,
44
00:02:37,617 --> 00:02:40,787
he and I had some pretty wild times
back in med school.
45
00:02:40,871 --> 00:02:42,039
Really?
46
00:02:42,122 --> 00:02:45,083
Oh, yeah. We started
our own basketball team...
47
00:02:45,167 --> 00:02:46,585
The Hemoglobin Trotters.
48
00:02:47,753 --> 00:02:50,213
Hemo-globin Trotters... get it?
49
00:02:50,297 --> 00:02:55,635
A play on the name of the famous
colored, uh, negro basketball squad...
50
00:02:55,719 --> 00:02:57,929
Black, African-American.
51
00:02:58,013 --> 00:03:00,766
You know, people of colors.
52
00:03:00,849 --> 00:03:04,394
Let's end up with one final question,
just as a formality.
53
00:03:04,478 --> 00:03:08,440
What are some potential
symptoms of pancreatitis?
54
00:03:08,523 --> 00:03:11,485
Uh, well, you would have,
uh, epigastric tenderness,
55
00:03:11,568 --> 00:03:12,879
uh, diffuse of abdominal tenderness...
56
00:03:14,154 --> 00:03:16,114
I'm sorry.
Can you hold on one second?
57
00:03:16,198 --> 00:03:17,574
Oh.
58
00:03:18,367 --> 00:03:19,993
Kumar's phone.
Kumar speaking.
59
00:03:20,077 --> 00:03:21,797
Hey, what's up? It's me.
What are you doing?
60
00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:23,997
Nothing important. I can talk.
What's going on?
61
00:03:24,081 --> 00:03:26,833
Listen, uh, I can't...
I can't party tonight, okay?
62
00:03:26,917 --> 00:03:28,335
I gotta stay late at the office.
63
00:03:28,418 --> 00:03:30,295
Dude, fuck that shit.
We had plans.
64
00:03:30,379 --> 00:03:32,464
I know, but I... I got
a lot of work to do.
65
00:03:32,547 --> 00:03:35,425
When has getting high ever
prevented you from doing your work?
66
00:03:35,509 --> 00:03:36,968
Oh! Jesus!
67
00:03:37,052 --> 00:03:38,178
Aah!
68
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:40,639
Believe me,
I would love to come home, okay?
69
00:03:40,722 --> 00:03:42,492
- But I got a lot of work to do.
- Thank you. I'll do that.
70
00:03:42,516 --> 00:03:44,702
I just got a quarter of the finest herb
in New York City,
71
00:03:44,726 --> 00:03:46,395
and I'm not smoking
that shit alone, okay?
72
00:03:46,478 --> 00:03:49,022
So you need to just chill the fuck out
and prepare to get blazed
73
00:03:49,106 --> 00:03:50,416
because in the next couple of hours,
74
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,068
I expect both of us to be
blitzed out of our skulls, got it?
75
00:03:53,151 --> 00:03:54,361
All right, I got it.
76
00:03:54,444 --> 00:03:56,822
I'll talk to you later.
Uh, where was I?
77
00:03:56,905 --> 00:03:58,698
Oh, we've got the, uh,
severe anal discharge,
78
00:03:58,782 --> 00:04:00,385
sometimes violent... a.k.a. diarrhea.
79
00:04:00,409 --> 00:04:03,161
Mr. Patel, I am more than familiar
with diarrhea.
80
00:04:03,245 --> 00:04:05,664
Do you actually believe
after the way you've just behaved
81
00:04:05,747 --> 00:04:08,959
that I would ever even consider
recommending you for admission?
82
00:04:09,042 --> 00:04:10,836
No. I'm gonna
be honest with you.
83
00:04:10,919 --> 00:04:11,979
The only reason I'm applying
84
00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:13,356
is so my dad
will keep paying for my apartment.
85
00:04:13,380 --> 00:04:15,108
I really don't have a desire
to go to med school.
86
00:04:15,132 --> 00:04:17,676
But you have perfect MCAT scores.
87
00:04:17,759 --> 00:04:19,678
Yeah. Just 'cause you're
hung like a moose
88
00:04:19,761 --> 00:04:21,471
doesn't mean you gotta do porn.
89
00:04:22,013 --> 00:04:24,558
Get out! Bernadette,
show this young man to the door!
90
00:04:24,641 --> 00:04:27,686
And please bring in
some fresh diarrhe... dry towels!
91
00:05:03,054 --> 00:05:04,055
Yes!
92
00:05:04,139 --> 00:05:06,892
Right in front of the door.
93
00:05:10,187 --> 00:05:12,063
This is America, dude!
Learn how to drive!
94
00:05:12,147 --> 00:05:13,565
Better "ruck" tomorrow!
95
00:05:15,817 --> 00:05:18,612
- Extreme!
- Fucking assholes.
96
00:05:20,113 --> 00:05:21,323
Fuck.
97
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:01,780
Okay.
98
00:06:02,864 --> 00:06:06,409
Be yourself.
Don't be nervous.
99
00:06:25,053 --> 00:06:26,972
So, Maria, what's been goin' on?
100
00:06:27,055 --> 00:06:28,056
Ohh!
101
00:06:28,139 --> 00:06:31,309
I actually had a very long week
at work. How about you?
102
00:06:31,393 --> 00:06:34,145
Work was good.
I caught up on some sleep.
103
00:06:34,229 --> 00:06:36,856
Plus, the guy who works next to me
decided to bathe for a change.
104
00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:38,275
Really?
105
00:06:38,358 --> 00:06:40,193
So what are you up to tonight?
106
00:06:40,277 --> 00:06:42,487
Actually, I'm just gonna
be sitting on my ass,
107
00:06:42,571 --> 00:06:44,239
probably eat a whole pint
of Häagen-Dazs
108
00:06:44,322 --> 00:06:45,490
while I watch
Blind Date.
109
00:06:45,574 --> 00:06:48,201
Well, that sou... that...
That sounds awful.
110
00:06:50,287 --> 00:06:51,746
Listen, if you want some company,
111
00:06:51,830 --> 00:06:54,666
maybe you can come over
and sit on your ass at my place.
112
00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:57,335
That sounds nice.
113
00:07:14,894 --> 00:07:15,937
Oh.
114
00:07:30,118 --> 00:07:31,119
Um...
115
00:07:44,049 --> 00:07:45,425
Bye.
116
00:07:47,344 --> 00:07:49,387
Bye. Bye.
117
00:08:04,778 --> 00:08:05,778
Kumar.
118
00:08:12,827 --> 00:08:14,871
Yo, Kumar.
119
00:08:26,341 --> 00:08:27,967
Hey!
What the hell are you doing?
120
00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:30,261
I'm trimming my pubes.
121
00:08:30,345 --> 00:08:32,597
Why aren't you
doing this in your room, man?
122
00:08:32,681 --> 00:08:35,241
The mirror's in here.
Hey, check it out. It's like a bonsai tree.
123
00:08:35,308 --> 00:08:36,308
Hey!
124
00:08:36,351 --> 00:08:38,603
Besides, man, it makes
your johnson look totally bigger.
125
00:08:38,687 --> 00:08:40,313
Please!
126
00:08:41,314 --> 00:08:42,691
Are those my scissors?
127
00:08:43,692 --> 00:08:45,044
Dude, I trim my nose hair
with those!
128
00:08:45,068 --> 00:08:48,154
Dude, I've been cutting my ass hair
with them for the past six months.
129
00:08:51,533 --> 00:08:54,119
Get out!
Get out of my room.
130
00:09:02,919 --> 00:09:05,064
Kumar, it is daddy.
131
00:09:05,088 --> 00:09:07,132
I hope your interview today was good.
132
00:09:07,215 --> 00:09:09,634
I'm calling to remind you
that you have another one tomorrow
133
00:09:09,718 --> 00:09:13,179
with Dr. Wein from Cornell
at 10 a.m. Do not be late.
134
00:09:13,263 --> 00:09:15,515
- Hook it up, bi-atch.
- Let's do this.
135
00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:26,192
Oww! Fuck!
136
00:09:26,276 --> 00:09:29,154
See?
137
00:09:29,237 --> 00:09:30,756
In tonight's top story,
138
00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:33,616
a cheetah escaped earlier today
from the Morristown Zoo.
139
00:09:34,284 --> 00:09:38,163
Oh, nice.
Sixteen Candles is on, man.
140
00:09:38,246 --> 00:09:40,665
And the award for the least
heterosexual statement
141
00:09:40,749 --> 00:09:42,229
ever made
in this apartment goes to...
142
00:09:43,126 --> 00:09:44,127
Harold Lee.
143
00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:46,671
Come on down, man.
Take a bow.
144
00:09:46,755 --> 00:09:48,673
Shut up, man. It's a classic.
145
00:09:48,757 --> 00:09:50,800
It's a very beautiful story
about someone
146
00:09:50,884 --> 00:09:54,179
who feels unnoticed,
unappreciated, unloved, you know?
147
00:09:54,262 --> 00:09:55,262
Turn it.
148
00:09:55,305 --> 00:09:57,241
- It's a good one, though.
- Homo.
149
00:09:57,265 --> 00:09:59,517
Come on, dude.
Just take one hit.
150
00:10:01,269 --> 00:10:02,562
Don't you wanna be cool?
151
00:10:07,984 --> 00:10:10,195
Hey, man, what are you doin'?
152
00:10:10,278 --> 00:10:12,322
I'm so high!
153
00:10:13,490 --> 00:10:16,159
Nothing can hurt me.
154
00:10:16,242 --> 00:10:18,036
Nooooo!
155
00:10:18,119 --> 00:10:20,371
Marijuana kills.
156
00:10:20,455 --> 00:10:23,583
- I love that shit.
- We're so high right now.
157
00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:25,001
We're not low.
158
00:10:25,084 --> 00:10:28,505
Oh, dude, I don't know about you,
but I'm fuckin' hungry as balls.
159
00:10:28,588 --> 00:10:30,131
Yeah, no shit, dude. Let's eat.
160
00:10:30,215 --> 00:10:32,717
Hey, no, no,
I don't feel like delivery tonight.
161
00:10:32,801 --> 00:10:33,885
What about KFC? Yeah!
162
00:10:33,968 --> 00:10:35,929
No, no, no. We've been there
too many times.
163
00:10:36,012 --> 00:10:39,182
I want something
we haven't had in a while.
164
00:10:39,265 --> 00:10:42,644
Something different,
something that'll really hit the spot.
165
00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,688
I want the perfect food.
166
00:10:45,772 --> 00:10:48,566
Are you hungry?
167
00:10:48,650 --> 00:10:51,820
Then come to White Castle
and try our Slyder Special...
168
00:10:53,571 --> 00:10:55,240
Six burgers, fries, and a soft drink...
169
00:10:55,323 --> 00:10:57,325
For only $2.99.
170
00:10:59,035 --> 00:11:02,831
Imagine all those burgers
in your stomach right now.
171
00:11:03,832 --> 00:11:05,500
Mm-mmm...
172
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:10,213
Don't you like food
that's tasty and delicious?
173
00:11:10,296 --> 00:11:11,339
I do.
174
00:11:11,422 --> 00:11:13,383
Then what are you waiting for?
175
00:11:13,466 --> 00:11:16,594
Head over to White Castle.
It's what you crave.
176
00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:20,265
You sure
you know how to get there?
177
00:11:20,348 --> 00:11:22,392
I haven't been
to White Castle in ages.
178
00:11:22,475 --> 00:11:25,079
Dude, I'm telling you, there's one right by
that multiplex in New Brunswick.
179
00:11:25,103 --> 00:11:26,104
Nice.
180
00:11:26,187 --> 00:11:27,397
- Rosenberg!
- Goldstein!
181
00:11:28,523 --> 00:11:30,859
- Hey, yo, Manny and Shevitz.
- Nice.
182
00:11:30,942 --> 00:11:32,402
Get up.
We're going to White Castle.
183
00:11:32,485 --> 00:11:35,280
No, no, we're watching
The Gift on HBO.
184
00:11:35,363 --> 00:11:37,073
No, no, no.
No watching. We're starving.
185
00:11:37,657 --> 00:11:39,409
- Hey, put that back.
- Ow!
186
00:11:39,492 --> 00:11:41,703
No eating until we get
to White Castle. Yo, let's roll.
187
00:11:41,786 --> 00:11:43,556
Sorry, kids, we ain't going nowhere.
188
00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:45,832
Supposedly Katie Holmes
shows her titties in this movie.
189
00:11:45,915 --> 00:11:48,126
Is that all you Jews
ever think about... tits?
190
00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:51,588
Katie Holmes is a nice,
respectable, wholesome girl.
191
00:11:52,171 --> 00:11:54,132
And I'm gonna see her boobs.
192
00:11:54,215 --> 00:11:57,468
The things I would eat
out of her ass... you have no idea!
193
00:11:57,552 --> 00:12:00,638
Ohh! That is a completely
vulgar statement.
194
00:12:00,722 --> 00:12:03,141
So is "I want to bang Britney Spears
on the bathroom floor."
195
00:12:03,224 --> 00:12:04,976
But it's true.
196
00:12:05,059 --> 00:12:05,977
Touché.
197
00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:08,146
Well, hey, listen, if...
198
00:12:10,607 --> 00:12:12,400
I think Kumar's a
faygele.
199
00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:14,611
- They're totally gay for each other.
- Yeah.
200
00:12:14,694 --> 00:12:16,905
- Hey, you wanna suck on this?
- Mm-hmm.
201
00:12:17,071 --> 00:12:18,781
Mmmm!
202
00:12:18,865 --> 00:12:20,050
What the hell are you
bringing your bag for?
203
00:12:20,074 --> 00:12:22,076
Try to get some work done
in the car.
204
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,621
- Here, you're driving.
- Shit, I forgot my cell phone.
205
00:12:24,704 --> 00:12:26,748
You wanna run back and get it?
206
00:12:32,378 --> 00:12:34,464
- No, we've gone too far.
- Mmm.
207
00:12:35,548 --> 00:12:37,342
Hey, there's your girlfriend.
208
00:12:37,425 --> 00:12:39,778
You actually gonna talk to her this time,
or are you gonna be a fuckin'...
209
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:42,042
Vagina McGinastein about it?
210
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:44,057
What the hell are you doing?
211
00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:45,200
You could've asked her if she wanted
to come to White Castle with us.
212
00:12:45,224 --> 00:12:47,018
Hold the elevator. Wait!
213
00:12:47,101 --> 00:12:49,520
Hey...
214
00:12:49,604 --> 00:12:50,897
You're worthless.
215
00:12:51,898 --> 00:12:53,524
I'm not worthwhile.
216
00:12:53,608 --> 00:12:56,110
Just fucking talk to her once,
and it won't be weird anymore.
217
00:12:56,194 --> 00:12:57,570
Look, it doesn't matter.
218
00:12:57,654 --> 00:13:00,341
The only girls who are interested in me
are girls I have no interest in.
219
00:13:00,365 --> 00:13:01,366
Like Cindy Kim.
220
00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:03,409
Oh, speaking of Cindy,
she called earlier.
221
00:13:03,493 --> 00:13:06,180
One of those Asian clubs she's in
is throwing a party at her dorm tonight.
222
00:13:06,204 --> 00:13:08,247
God, she invites me to everything.
223
00:13:08,331 --> 00:13:11,000
So what? She's kind of fuckin' cute.
Let her touch your penis.
224
00:13:12,126 --> 00:13:13,544
Oh, look.
225
00:13:13,628 --> 00:13:15,672
It's the Brothers McFag.
226
00:13:15,755 --> 00:13:18,341
Let me guess... the one
with the purse is the catcher.
227
00:13:19,676 --> 00:13:22,303
Come on, guys, let's get ourselves
some fucking Mountain Dew.
228
00:13:22,387 --> 00:13:23,388
Extreme!
229
00:13:23,471 --> 00:13:25,598
Yeah, extreme assholes.
230
00:13:25,682 --> 00:13:27,183
Why do I have to be the catcher?
231
00:13:27,266 --> 00:13:29,727
Dude, forget about those pricks.
Let's just get some food.
232
00:13:34,482 --> 00:13:37,527
I am so hungry. I'm gonna eat,
like, 20 of those burgers, man.
233
00:13:37,610 --> 00:13:42,281
Dude, fuckin' I will see your 20 burgers
and raise you 5 orders of fries.
234
00:13:44,492 --> 00:13:45,743
Dude, give me 35 cents.
235
00:13:52,792 --> 00:13:54,419
What's going on?
It didn't register.
236
00:13:54,502 --> 00:13:56,713
- What?
- Uh, give me 35 more cents.
237
00:13:56,796 --> 00:13:58,131
I don't have any more change.
238
00:13:58,214 --> 00:14:00,049
Uh... should I just go through?
239
00:14:00,133 --> 00:14:02,593
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't like breaking the law.
240
00:14:02,677 --> 00:14:03,720
Yeah, I can see that.
241
00:14:05,471 --> 00:14:07,932
Hey, move your ass!
242
00:14:08,016 --> 00:14:09,034
I'm sorry. Hold... hold on.
243
00:14:09,058 --> 00:14:10,138
- I'm going through.
- Fuck!
244
00:14:10,184 --> 00:14:11,853
No, don't. No. No. Hold on.
245
00:14:11,936 --> 00:14:13,747
Let me, uh... let me walk
over to a manned tollbooth...
246
00:14:13,771 --> 00:14:14,873
and I'll tell them what happened.
247
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:17,817
- Sorry!
- Move, you fuckin' twat!
248
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:19,378
What's the fuck's
wrong with you?
249
00:14:19,402 --> 00:14:20,737
Shit.
250
00:14:22,071 --> 00:14:24,824
Move, you retarded cocksucker!
Move!
251
00:14:25,658 --> 00:14:27,136
You fucking...? Are you crazy?
252
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:28,160
What?
253
00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:30,806
Dude, what are you doing?
Why you throwing the weed out?!
254
00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:33,017
- The cops are gonna catch us.
- No, they're not. Not for that.
255
00:14:33,041 --> 00:14:34,125
- Take this exit.
- What?
256
00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:35,334
- Take this exit!
- No!
257
00:14:35,418 --> 00:14:36,794
Dude!
258
00:14:36,878 --> 00:14:38,647
You know,
that was the last of our weed.
259
00:14:38,671 --> 00:14:41,174
Sorry. I get a little
paranoid sometimes, you know?
260
00:14:41,257 --> 00:14:43,068
Yeah, well, now we're in Newark,
of all places.
261
00:14:43,092 --> 00:14:44,969
You know we're gonna get shot.
262
00:14:45,053 --> 00:14:46,512
Maybe it's not as bad as they say.
263
00:14:46,596 --> 00:14:48,639
Maybe it's just a bunch
of hype, you know?
264
00:14:48,723 --> 00:14:51,476
Check it out. Those guys
look like a lame version of us.
265
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,645
Ooohhh!
266
00:14:57,023 --> 00:14:58,149
Holy shit!
267
00:14:58,232 --> 00:14:59,442
Ooohhh!
268
00:15:03,738 --> 00:15:04,655
Let's get the fuck outta here.
269
00:15:07,033 --> 00:15:08,493
Go! Go!
Drive! Drive!
270
00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:09,994
Yeah,
that was your fault.
271
00:15:10,078 --> 00:15:11,621
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you!
272
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:16,018
Yo, check it out.
We're almost there.
273
00:15:16,042 --> 00:15:17,627
Thank God.
I'm starving.
274
00:15:17,710 --> 00:15:20,213
Hello, New Brunswick!
275
00:15:20,296 --> 00:15:21,690
Prepare to gorge yourself.
276
00:15:21,714 --> 00:15:23,508
You know! Yeah,
we need some tunage for this.
277
00:15:24,175 --> 00:15:25,676
Uh, presets! Presets!
Use the presets.
278
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,637
Oh, come on, dude,
your whole life is preset.
279
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:28,720
Try something new.
280
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,034
Where is this place?
281
00:15:32,058 --> 00:15:33,285
Isn't it supposed to be
right around here?
282
00:15:33,309 --> 00:15:34,811
Yeah, chill. We'll find it.
283
00:15:34,894 --> 00:15:36,413
Wait a second, wait a second...
Is that the multiplex?
284
00:15:36,437 --> 00:15:37,980
Yes. Sweet!
285
00:15:38,064 --> 00:15:39,083
That means
the White Castle should be...
286
00:15:39,107 --> 00:15:40,650
Right around the corner.
287
00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:43,694
What the hell's going on, Kumar?
288
00:15:43,778 --> 00:15:45,571
That does not look like
a White Castle to me.
289
00:15:45,655 --> 00:15:48,157
Uh-uh.
Yeah, we gotta check this out.
290
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:53,996
Hey, look here, fellas.
291
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,290
You guys gonna have to order
from the drive-thru menu.
292
00:15:56,374 --> 00:15:57,734
What happened to the White Castle?
293
00:15:58,501 --> 00:15:59,502
What?
294
00:15:59,585 --> 00:16:01,480
There used to be a White Castle
right here in this location.
295
00:16:01,504 --> 00:16:02,547
Where is it?
296
00:16:02,630 --> 00:16:04,066
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news, guys,
297
00:16:04,090 --> 00:16:06,968
but Burger Shack, they bought
this location about four years ago.
298
00:16:07,051 --> 00:16:08,052
God!
299
00:16:08,136 --> 00:16:09,905
Please tell me there's
another White Castle in town.
300
00:16:09,929 --> 00:16:11,556
- No.
- Are you sure?
301
00:16:11,639 --> 00:16:12,658
Do I look like the kind of brother
302
00:16:12,682 --> 00:16:14,326
that would be unsure
about something like that?
303
00:16:14,350 --> 00:16:16,727
Shit!
What are we gonna do?
304
00:16:16,811 --> 00:16:19,355
I don't know, man.
Should we just eat here?
305
00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:20,982
Hey. Psst.
306
00:16:22,150 --> 00:16:25,570
There's a White Castle
that's open 24 hours up in Cherry Hill.
307
00:16:25,653 --> 00:16:27,071
It's about 45 minutes from here.
308
00:16:27,155 --> 00:16:28,906
I can make the trip if you're willing to.
309
00:16:28,990 --> 00:16:30,700
Kumar, I got a shitload
of work to finish.
310
00:16:30,783 --> 00:16:31,802
You got that
med school interview, my man.
311
00:16:31,826 --> 00:16:34,620
Whoa, forget about the med school
interview. It's a non-issue.
312
00:16:34,704 --> 00:16:36,205
What do you mean it's a non-issue?
313
00:16:36,289 --> 00:16:39,375
Ding-dong!
May I interject for a second?
314
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:42,545
As a Burger Shack employee
for the past three years,
315
00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:45,631
if there's one thing I've learned,
it's that if you're craving White Castle,
316
00:16:45,715 --> 00:16:47,383
the burgers here just don't cut it.
317
00:16:48,301 --> 00:16:49,802
In fact...
318
00:16:50,344 --> 00:16:54,056
just thinking about those
tender little White Castle burgers
319
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:56,142
with those little,
itty-bitty grilled onions
320
00:16:56,225 --> 00:16:58,394
that just explode
in your mouth like flavor crystals
321
00:16:58,477 --> 00:17:00,021
every time you bite into one...
322
00:17:02,607 --> 00:17:05,234
just makes me want
to burn this motherfucker down.
323
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:09,488
Come on, Pookie,
let's burn this motherfucker down!
324
00:17:09,572 --> 00:17:11,949
Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it!
325
00:17:12,033 --> 00:17:13,993
Pookie, let's burn this
motherfucker down!
326
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:16,621
Let's burn it down!
Let's burn it!
327
00:17:19,248 --> 00:17:20,291
So, uh...
328
00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:23,419
you guys maybe should just
suck it up and go to White Castle.
329
00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:27,131
You can always get
your work done in the car.
330
00:17:28,633 --> 00:17:30,426
- Let's do it.
- All right. Awesome.
331
00:17:30,509 --> 00:17:33,679
Then listen, listen... no matter what,
we are not ending this night
332
00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:35,240
without White Castle in our stomachs.
333
00:17:35,264 --> 00:17:36,474
- Agreed?
- Agreed.
334
00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:38,142
Wise choice.
335
00:17:38,226 --> 00:17:40,269
Because you guys might have
wanted to stay away
336
00:17:40,353 --> 00:17:41,812
from our special sauce tonight.
337
00:17:42,813 --> 00:17:45,441
Me and Pookie,
we added a secret ingredient.
338
00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:48,778
I'll give you a hint.
339
00:17:51,864 --> 00:17:52,865
It's semen.
340
00:17:56,035 --> 00:17:57,662
It's semen!
341
00:17:57,745 --> 00:17:58,996
Animal semen.
342
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:00,498
Aaahhh!
343
00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:10,841
Dude, remember when Goldstein
used to work at that burger place?
344
00:18:13,094 --> 00:18:14,387
Ugh!
345
00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:16,847
This is the most fucking
confusing movie I've ever seen...
346
00:18:16,931 --> 00:18:18,516
She's possessed,
she's not possessed.
347
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:20,393
Dude, that rack better be stacked.
348
00:18:20,476 --> 00:18:22,687
- Oh, tits! Tits!
- Boobies, boobies, boobies.
349
00:18:22,770 --> 00:18:24,981
Holy shit! Whoa!
350
00:18:25,064 --> 00:18:26,524
Those aren't real.
Yes, they are.
351
00:18:26,607 --> 00:18:29,193
You know, I'm almost
completely sober right now.
352
00:18:29,277 --> 00:18:31,279
Wish we had some more weed.
353
00:18:31,362 --> 00:18:32,989
Sorry.
354
00:18:33,072 --> 00:18:35,366
Princeton.
355
00:18:35,449 --> 00:18:37,368
- Yeah, we're getting off here.
- Why?
356
00:18:37,451 --> 00:18:40,091
Because we're gonna sweet-talk
Cindy Kim into finding us some weed.
357
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:40,663
No!
358
00:18:40,746 --> 00:18:42,266
Why not? You talk to her
on the phone all the time.
359
00:18:42,290 --> 00:18:43,541
She calls me.
360
00:18:43,624 --> 00:18:47,253
Then she rambles on about her
East Asian Students Club or whatever.
361
00:18:47,336 --> 00:18:48,730
Then I have to actually pretend
that I give a shit
362
00:18:48,754 --> 00:18:50,089
or else she calls me a Twinkie.
363
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,382
- No.
- A what?
364
00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:53,585
Twinkie... yellow on the outside,
white on the inside.
365
00:18:53,634 --> 00:18:55,886
Look, you Twinkie bitch,
366
00:18:55,970 --> 00:18:58,198
you were the one that threw
our weed out the window, okay?
367
00:18:58,222 --> 00:18:59,283
So we're going to Princeton,
368
00:18:59,307 --> 00:19:01,076
and it's your responsibility
to make sure we're high as shit
369
00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:02,727
by the time
we're eating those burgers.
370
00:19:02,810 --> 00:19:05,563
Forget it.
End of discussion.
371
00:19:05,646 --> 00:19:08,274
I am not seeing Cindy Kim.
372
00:19:08,357 --> 00:19:10,109
Harold, I'm so glad
you showed up.
373
00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:12,445
Yeah, me too.
374
00:19:12,528 --> 00:19:15,698
Did you like the hibiscus petals
I glued to the envelope I sent you?
375
00:19:15,781 --> 00:19:18,367
Yeah, they were...
They were nice.
376
00:19:19,994 --> 00:19:22,079
Hey, dude, you know
where I can get some green?
377
00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:27,543
Dude, you know where
I can get some chronic?
378
00:19:27,626 --> 00:19:29,604
Jesus, what the hell kind of
Ivy League school is this?
379
00:19:29,628 --> 00:19:31,464
Hey! Hey!
380
00:19:31,547 --> 00:19:32,798
Over here, man.
381
00:19:33,966 --> 00:19:35,259
You lookin' to toke up?
382
00:19:35,343 --> 00:19:36,719
- Yes.
- Yes?
383
00:19:36,802 --> 00:19:39,472
Oh, thank Christ. Look, just give me
a dime of your finest sticky.
384
00:19:39,555 --> 00:19:42,016
You wanna see
sticky-icky, my friend?
385
00:19:43,809 --> 00:19:45,770
- Oooohhhh!
- Oh, my God!
386
00:19:45,853 --> 00:19:47,438
- Whoa, man!
- Ow!
387
00:19:47,521 --> 00:19:49,398
Don't touch, man.
That's not cool.
388
00:19:49,482 --> 00:19:50,709
You can't...
389
00:19:50,733 --> 00:19:53,277
- Ow!
- Jeez! This is my baby!
390
00:19:59,992 --> 00:20:00,993
Yes?
391
00:20:01,077 --> 00:20:03,037
Kenneth Park, class of 2004.
392
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:04,121
- Hi.
- Hi.
393
00:20:04,205 --> 00:20:06,707
Is it true you're an analyst
for Brewster Keegan?
394
00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:09,585
Yes, I'm a junior analyst.
395
00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:11,128
Awesome!
396
00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:14,673
I told you, he's good.
397
00:20:18,844 --> 00:20:19,470
Yes.
398
00:20:19,553 --> 00:20:21,555
This is actually a two-part question.
399
00:20:21,639 --> 00:20:23,933
I'm applying for a summer
internship at Brewster Keegan.
400
00:20:24,016 --> 00:20:27,311
I was wondering, a, what's it like
being an investment banker,
401
00:20:27,395 --> 00:20:30,022
and, b, would you write me
a recommendation?
402
00:20:32,191 --> 00:20:34,485
Here. That's sixt... 80 bucks.
403
00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:35,945
- 80 bucks?
- Yeah, 80 bucks.
404
00:20:36,028 --> 00:20:38,489
Yo, this is worth 40 tops, bro.
405
00:20:38,572 --> 00:20:40,449
"Bro"?
I'm not your bro, bro.
406
00:20:40,533 --> 00:20:41,992
Okay, and that's 80 bucks.
407
00:20:42,076 --> 00:20:43,676
You don't feel like
getting high tonight?
408
00:20:43,744 --> 00:20:46,455
If you don't feel like...
Like getting high, that's cool with me,
409
00:20:46,539 --> 00:20:48,683
because there's lots of people
around here. See this guy?
410
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:49,768
- Hey, loser.
- I smoke buds with that...
411
00:20:49,792 --> 00:20:52,336
Hey, what's up, George?
I smoke buds with George all the time.
412
00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:54,338
What kind of hippie are you?
413
00:20:54,422 --> 00:20:57,049
What kind of hippie am I?
Man, I'm a business hippie.
414
00:20:57,133 --> 00:20:59,385
I understand the concept
of supply and demand.
415
00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:02,179
"What's it like
being an investment banker?"
416
00:21:02,263 --> 00:21:05,933
To be honest with you,
it's actually pretty aw...
417
00:21:09,395 --> 00:21:11,063
awesome.
418
00:21:11,147 --> 00:21:12,148
Excellent!
419
00:21:12,231 --> 00:21:13,691
As... as for the recommendation,
420
00:21:13,774 --> 00:21:15,860
you know, I guess
I can make a couple calls.
421
00:21:15,943 --> 00:21:18,362
Actually, Harold,
we should be getting to the party.
422
00:21:18,446 --> 00:21:19,881
We can discuss all this stuff
on the way there.
423
00:21:19,905 --> 00:21:21,532
- It's just down the hall.
- Okay.
424
00:21:21,615 --> 00:21:23,033
I'm sorry.
425
00:21:23,117 --> 00:21:25,536
I can't go.
I, uh, have to wait for Kumar.
426
00:21:25,619 --> 00:21:27,079
You'll see him when we're done.
427
00:21:27,163 --> 00:21:29,331
Trust me,
you're gonna love this.
428
00:21:29,415 --> 00:21:32,084
Kenny's mom dropped off
a big pot of kimchi jigae.
429
00:21:32,168 --> 00:21:33,586
It's really good.
430
00:21:33,669 --> 00:21:34,712
It's delicious.
431
00:21:34,795 --> 00:21:35,838
Yeah?
432
00:21:35,921 --> 00:21:37,506
That's nice.
433
00:21:38,007 --> 00:21:40,009
- 80 bucks, okay?
- Okay.
434
00:21:40,092 --> 00:21:41,111
Hello.
435
00:21:41,135 --> 00:21:43,238
Are you guys about to smoke?
436
00:21:43,262 --> 00:21:46,140
Yes, we're gonna smoke. Do you
wanna come back to my place?
437
00:21:46,223 --> 00:21:47,224
Please!
438
00:21:47,308 --> 00:21:49,161
Please, like they want to go listen
to a bunch of Phish records
439
00:21:49,185 --> 00:21:50,245
while you read your lame-ass poetry.
440
00:21:51,437 --> 00:21:53,063
Girls, you guys wanna hang out,
441
00:21:53,147 --> 00:21:55,232
maybe smoke a little weed
and have some fun?
442
00:21:55,316 --> 00:21:57,234
All right.
443
00:21:57,318 --> 00:21:59,195
My poetry's not lame.
It's really good.
444
00:21:59,278 --> 00:22:01,113
- Yeah, I'm sure...
- It's great.
445
00:22:01,197 --> 00:22:02,823
We're gonna eat before this gets cold,
446
00:22:02,907 --> 00:22:05,993
so what you say we meet back
in our room in about 20 minutes?
447
00:22:06,076 --> 00:22:07,536
We're in room 1-0-9.
448
00:22:07,620 --> 00:22:11,040
1-0-9. Got it.
I'll see you ladies later, huh?
449
00:22:11,123 --> 00:22:12,374
Yesss!
450
00:22:12,458 --> 00:22:14,960
1-0-9.
We'll see you ladies later.
451
00:22:15,044 --> 00:22:17,046
Yesss!
452
00:22:17,129 --> 00:22:18,506
We're getting laid, bro.
453
00:22:22,009 --> 00:22:23,511
All right, I'll see you there, man.
454
00:22:25,179 --> 00:22:28,390
2-0... 2-0... 2-0...
2-0-8?
455
00:22:28,474 --> 00:22:30,809
2-0-8. Yes! 2-0-8!
456
00:22:31,936 --> 00:22:33,938
Roldy! Roldy, dude,
you gotta come quick.
457
00:22:34,021 --> 00:22:36,607
There's these two filthy pussies
just aching to get boned by us.
458
00:22:38,859 --> 00:22:42,112
I mean, there are these two
very lovely young pussies
459
00:22:42,196 --> 00:22:44,156
who would like to have
a chat with you and I.
460
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,742
Sorry. Harold's coming with us.
461
00:22:46,825 --> 00:22:47,886
No, no, no, that's bullshit.
He's coming with me.
462
00:22:47,910 --> 00:22:48,911
Isn't that right, Roldy?
463
00:22:49,995 --> 00:22:51,848
- Let's go to the party.
- No, no, no. Fuck that.
464
00:22:51,872 --> 00:22:53,958
Here. This is Harold's
understudy, okay?
465
00:22:54,041 --> 00:22:55,060
You can do
whatever you want with him.
466
00:22:55,084 --> 00:22:56,335
- Roldy, let's go.
- I... I...
467
00:22:57,586 --> 00:22:58,629
Sorry.
468
00:22:58,712 --> 00:23:00,482
I can't believe you were gonna
ditch me for the Joy Luck Club, dude.
469
00:23:00,506 --> 00:23:01,946
You know
what their parties are like.
470
00:23:02,007 --> 00:23:03,276
Come on, man,
what do you want me to say?
471
00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:04,301
I was under pressure.
472
00:23:04,385 --> 00:23:06,470
Just say no.
That's all it takes. Here.
473
00:23:06,554 --> 00:23:07,805
All right, take a hit of that.
474
00:23:07,888 --> 00:23:09,157
Hey,
what's going on up there?
475
00:23:09,181 --> 00:23:11,642
Barracuda to Sparrow,
Barracuda to Sparrow.
476
00:23:11,725 --> 00:23:13,227
We got two high-fliers
on level three.
477
00:23:18,315 --> 00:23:19,900
I just wanna talk!
478
00:23:23,571 --> 00:23:24,989
Dude, in here, in here.
479
00:23:25,072 --> 00:23:26,657
Women!
480
00:23:26,740 --> 00:23:28,450
What if he finds us in here?
481
00:23:28,534 --> 00:23:31,295
Chill the fuck out. He's not gonna
look for us in the girls' bathroom.
482
00:23:32,746 --> 00:23:34,999
Shit! Come here.
483
00:23:35,082 --> 00:23:36,142
If it worked on me,
484
00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:38,377
then there's no reason
why it shouldn't work on you.
485
00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:41,005
But your breasts look beautiful.
486
00:23:41,088 --> 00:23:43,716
I just want those
cute little ping-pong breasts,
487
00:23:43,799 --> 00:23:46,635
you know, that kind of go...
hmm-hmm!
488
00:23:47,803 --> 00:23:49,656
Well, hurry up, because I
really want to go smoke weed
489
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:51,515
with that dishy Indian guy.
490
00:23:51,599 --> 00:23:53,392
It's gonna be a few minutes.
491
00:23:53,475 --> 00:23:56,061
I'm about to have
the worst case of taco shits.
492
00:23:57,104 --> 00:23:58,522
Oh, God.
493
00:24:04,153 --> 00:24:06,905
Oh, great.
I think I've got to go too.
494
00:24:24,798 --> 00:24:28,093
Hey, Clarissa, do you want
to play battle shits?
495
00:24:28,177 --> 00:24:30,614
- Oh, my God!
- Battle shits?
496
00:24:30,638 --> 00:24:33,098
We haven't played that
since back at camp!
497
00:24:33,182 --> 00:24:35,643
I know, I know, I know.
Wait for it.
498
00:24:38,312 --> 00:24:40,356
Aah!
499
00:24:40,439 --> 00:24:42,691
Ohh, hit!
500
00:24:45,778 --> 00:24:48,072
Scag! You sank my destroyer!
501
00:24:57,081 --> 00:24:58,082
Fuck!
502
00:24:59,875 --> 00:25:02,086
I can't take it anymore!
503
00:25:02,169 --> 00:25:04,213
Oh! Aaahhh!
504
00:25:05,464 --> 00:25:06,840
Christy, are you still there?
505
00:25:09,677 --> 00:25:12,971
Damn! You sank my battle shit!
506
00:25:13,055 --> 00:25:14,515
Shit.
507
00:25:15,974 --> 00:25:17,393
Ohh! Ooohhh!
508
00:25:17,476 --> 00:25:19,019
- Dude! Dude!
- Ohh!
509
00:25:20,938 --> 00:25:22,898
She said 20-10?
510
00:25:22,981 --> 00:25:25,192
Have you seen
a Korean guy around here?
511
00:25:25,275 --> 00:25:27,778
Yeah, only when
I open my eyes, though.
512
00:25:29,196 --> 00:25:30,197
'Tard.
513
00:25:33,158 --> 00:25:34,660
20-11.
514
00:25:43,377 --> 00:25:44,795
Yo, this party's bumpin'!
515
00:25:44,878 --> 00:25:47,631
- Who wants some Buddha?
- Yeah!
516
00:25:47,715 --> 00:25:51,301
Holy shit!
Kenneth Park, class of 2004.
517
00:25:51,385 --> 00:25:54,555
Dude, I'm thinking you really screwed up
by not coming to this party.
518
00:25:54,638 --> 00:25:56,348
I screwed up?
519
00:25:56,432 --> 00:25:58,308
Can we have some pot brownies?
520
00:25:58,392 --> 00:25:59,977
I don't know.
I'm running a little low,
521
00:26:00,060 --> 00:26:01,937
but a quick titty flash
might persuade me.
522
00:26:02,020 --> 00:26:04,148
- Should we?
- Yes, you should.
523
00:26:04,231 --> 00:26:05,232
Okay.
524
00:26:07,234 --> 00:26:08,986
Whoa!
525
00:26:09,069 --> 00:26:10,988
- Hey, you!
- Aah!
526
00:26:11,071 --> 00:26:12,114
Shit!
527
00:26:12,197 --> 00:26:13,197
Hey!
528
00:26:15,409 --> 00:26:17,202
- Hey!
- Come on, rookie, let's get 'em!
529
00:26:17,286 --> 00:26:18,620
- Halt!
- Hey!
530
00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:21,790
- Harold! Harold!
- No, no, no.
531
00:26:22,791 --> 00:26:24,471
- Hey, dude!
- Come here!
532
00:26:25,294 --> 00:26:26,628
Ow! Whoa!
533
00:26:26,712 --> 00:26:28,297
Well, well, well.
534
00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:30,233
- What do we have here?
- Oh, no! That's my baby!
535
00:26:30,257 --> 00:26:32,509
Hold his throat and groin.
Come on, rookie.
536
00:26:32,593 --> 00:26:33,737
Yo, should we go back
for the weed?
537
00:26:33,761 --> 00:26:35,763
Are you crazy?
Run! Run!
538
00:26:37,931 --> 00:26:40,893
Dude, I can't believe it, man.
We were this close to getting laid.
539
00:26:40,976 --> 00:26:42,478
Oh, dude, you always exaggerate.
540
00:26:42,561 --> 00:26:45,022
Hey, the diarrhea twins definitely
would have had sex with us.
541
00:26:45,105 --> 00:26:47,483
What about Cindy? She was
looking kinda cute tonight, man.
542
00:26:47,566 --> 00:26:49,735
Cindy's fine. It's just...
543
00:26:49,818 --> 00:26:50,819
- Just what?
- We...
544
00:26:50,903 --> 00:26:52,529
Oh, you'd rather have Maria.
545
00:26:52,613 --> 00:26:53,613
Look, it doesn't matter.
546
00:26:53,655 --> 00:26:55,908
I'm gonna end up with Cindy Kim
whether I like it or not.
547
00:26:55,991 --> 00:26:59,077
Can we just drop this and get
our asses to White Castle, man?
548
00:26:59,161 --> 00:27:00,162
Fine.
549
00:27:00,245 --> 00:27:01,285
Maria.
550
00:27:04,374 --> 00:27:05,584
What are you doing?
551
00:27:06,126 --> 00:27:07,628
Daddy needs to urinate.
552
00:27:08,629 --> 00:27:09,755
Hurry up!
553
00:27:11,673 --> 00:27:13,342
I'm serious.
Don't take all night.
554
00:27:13,425 --> 00:27:14,760
All right.
555
00:27:56,134 --> 00:27:58,595
- Excuse me, I... I jus...
- Huh?
556
00:27:58,679 --> 00:28:00,764
I have to ask you, w-w-why'd you...
557
00:28:00,848 --> 00:28:02,683
Uh, why are you peeing right here?
558
00:28:02,766 --> 00:28:03,934
What?
559
00:28:04,017 --> 00:28:06,770
I mean, why'd you pee
right next to me
560
00:28:06,854 --> 00:28:09,022
when you'd, like,
choose that bush or...
561
00:28:09,106 --> 00:28:11,108
Well, this is a good bush to pee on.
562
00:28:12,234 --> 00:28:13,569
Why are you peeing on it?
563
00:28:14,653 --> 00:28:16,822
Well, no one was here
when I chose this bush.
564
00:28:16,905 --> 00:28:17,990
Oh.
565
00:28:18,073 --> 00:28:20,909
So you get to pee on it
and no one else does? Huh?
566
00:28:20,993 --> 00:28:23,412
- No, it's... I just...
- This your bush?
567
00:28:23,495 --> 00:28:25,956
You have a special bond
with this bush?
568
00:28:26,039 --> 00:28:28,959
- No, I just thought that...
- You the king of the forest?
569
00:28:29,042 --> 00:28:30,252
- I'm sorry?
- What?
570
00:28:30,836 --> 00:28:33,964
You a fuckin' tree-hugger?
Is this your special bush?!
571
00:28:34,047 --> 00:28:36,887
Never mind. Forget it. I really
don't feel like getting stabbed tonight.
572
00:28:42,097 --> 00:28:43,348
Nice pubes.
573
00:28:47,060 --> 00:28:48,103
Thanks.
574
00:29:11,376 --> 00:29:13,462
Do you even know
where you're going?
575
00:29:13,545 --> 00:29:15,607
I'm gonna be honest,
I'm a little lost, but, you know,
576
00:29:15,631 --> 00:29:17,859
once we get back on the highway,
we'll be there soon, don't worry.
577
00:29:17,883 --> 00:29:19,134
We'd better.
578
00:29:20,218 --> 00:29:22,262
Shit. Now it's raining.
579
00:29:23,263 --> 00:29:24,556
Put on your wipers.
580
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:26,242
What are you talking about?
It's just a little mist.
581
00:29:26,266 --> 00:29:28,518
Yeah, mist,
hence the mist setting.
582
00:29:28,602 --> 00:29:31,229
It's a safety issue, okay?
There we go.
583
00:29:31,313 --> 00:29:34,650
Thank you, Mr. Wizard.
What crawled up your ass?
584
00:29:34,733 --> 00:29:36,360
I'm completely on edge
right now, man.
585
00:29:36,443 --> 00:29:38,254
After all the shit that
we've been through tonight,
586
00:29:38,278 --> 00:29:40,364
I don't know
how much more I can take.
587
00:29:41,531 --> 00:29:43,867
Oh, shit! How the fuck
did that get in here?
588
00:29:43,951 --> 00:29:44,993
Oh, shit!
589
00:29:48,664 --> 00:29:51,375
He bit me!
I've got rabies!
590
00:29:51,458 --> 00:29:52,918
Aaaahhhh!
591
00:29:53,001 --> 00:29:54,044
Oh, my God!
592
00:29:54,127 --> 00:29:56,287
Oh! Dude, get that fuckin'
cancer raccoon away from me!
593
00:29:56,338 --> 00:29:57,839
Open my window!
594
00:29:57,923 --> 00:30:00,425
Fuck you, raccoon!
595
00:30:00,509 --> 00:30:01,802
Gaaahhh!
596
00:30:02,970 --> 00:30:04,513
Thank Christ!
597
00:30:04,596 --> 00:30:08,225
Shit!
598
00:30:11,812 --> 00:30:13,605
Jesus! You all right?
599
00:30:13,689 --> 00:30:14,982
I don't... I don't know.
600
00:30:15,983 --> 00:30:17,609
Oh, shit.
601
00:30:18,652 --> 00:30:20,153
Shit, dude,
he's coming over here.
602
00:30:21,238 --> 00:30:23,073
Probably some old blind bitch!
603
00:30:23,156 --> 00:30:24,842
- What the fuck are you doing?
- We're sorry!
604
00:30:24,866 --> 00:30:26,952
- Huh?
- We're sorry! We're very sorry!
605
00:30:27,035 --> 00:30:28,787
- Holy shit!
- Goldstein?
606
00:30:28,870 --> 00:30:31,873
Hey, dude, it's Rold and Kumar!
607
00:30:31,957 --> 00:30:34,418
Shit!
What's going on, man?
608
00:30:34,501 --> 00:30:36,521
- What's up, dude? What's up?
- Good to see you. All right.
609
00:30:36,545 --> 00:30:37,605
What the hell
are you guys doing here?
610
00:30:37,629 --> 00:30:38,629
Harold.
611
00:30:38,672 --> 00:30:41,758
We just got the munchies, so we
decided we'd go to Hot Dog Heaven.
612
00:30:41,842 --> 00:30:43,635
How about you?
How was White Castle?
613
00:30:43,719 --> 00:30:46,346
We haven't gotten there yet.
I think I may have rabies.
614
00:30:46,430 --> 00:30:48,432
Yo, dude, dude!
How were Katie Holmes' tits?
615
00:30:48,515 --> 00:30:50,434
- You know the Holocaust?
- Yeah.
616
00:30:50,517 --> 00:30:52,436
Picture the exact opposite of that.
617
00:30:52,519 --> 00:30:54,146
Nice!
618
00:30:55,188 --> 00:30:56,398
Boy, do you need a girl.
619
00:30:56,481 --> 00:30:58,161
Oh, dude, if you guys
got the yellow fever,
620
00:30:58,191 --> 00:31:00,071
there's a rockin' Asian party
down at Princeton.
621
00:31:00,152 --> 00:31:01,486
Dude, I got the yellow plague.
622
00:31:01,570 --> 00:31:04,448
There's nothing sexier
than a hot Asian chick!
623
00:31:04,531 --> 00:31:06,158
Asian tits...
I wanna squeeze 'em!
624
00:31:06,241 --> 00:31:08,744
Just stop. Don't do that.
Please, do not touch me.
625
00:31:08,827 --> 00:31:09,870
I'm very woozy.
626
00:31:09,953 --> 00:31:11,913
I think I have to go to the hospital.
627
00:31:11,997 --> 00:31:13,999
You should go to Beth Israel.
628
00:31:14,082 --> 00:31:16,418
- We gotta hit up this Asian joint.
- No, we don't.
629
00:31:16,501 --> 00:31:19,796
We got to go to Hot Dog Heaven.
No more detours along the way.
630
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,816
- This is what I'm dealing with.
- Let's go. Come on!
631
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:23,192
I'm telling you, hit up the Asian party.
632
00:31:23,216 --> 00:31:25,028
Did you leave the key in the car
with the engine running?
633
00:31:25,052 --> 00:31:26,136
Good luck.
634
00:31:26,219 --> 00:31:29,514
You don't have rabies. We're not
going to a hospital. You're fine.
635
00:31:40,067 --> 00:31:43,111
Uh... yeah, I don't have rabies.
636
00:31:43,195 --> 00:31:45,697
Great. Let's get out of here.
637
00:31:46,698 --> 00:31:47,949
Hey, aren't those...
638
00:31:48,033 --> 00:31:49,953
Aren't those the guys
that got the shit kicked...
639
00:31:49,993 --> 00:31:50,994
I know.
640
00:31:52,079 --> 00:31:53,121
I know. Let's just go.
641
00:31:54,873 --> 00:31:56,041
Just go.
642
00:31:57,042 --> 00:31:58,293
Kumar!
643
00:32:00,212 --> 00:32:02,380
- Hey, it's your dad and brother.
- Shit.
644
00:32:03,590 --> 00:32:05,470
No wonder you didn't want
to go to the hospital.
645
00:32:06,384 --> 00:32:07,803
- Hey, Dad.
- Hi, Dr. Patel.
646
00:32:07,886 --> 00:32:09,888
- What's up?
- Saikat. What's going on?
647
00:32:09,971 --> 00:32:13,225
I hope you are here to apologize for
what you did in your interview today.
648
00:32:13,308 --> 00:32:14,893
What the hell's
wrong with you, Kumar?
649
00:32:14,976 --> 00:32:17,062
God! You're 22 years old.
When are you gonna grow up
650
00:32:17,145 --> 00:32:20,315
and stop this
post-college rebel bullshit?
651
00:32:20,398 --> 00:32:23,318
- Like your life is so hard.
- Eat my balls, Saikat.
652
00:32:23,401 --> 00:32:26,113
I will not tolerate this
business from you any longer.
653
00:32:26,196 --> 00:32:28,865
You have one more
interview tomorrow morning,
654
00:32:28,949 --> 00:32:33,620
and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you
were anything short of spectacular,
655
00:32:33,703 --> 00:32:35,497
I'll completely cut you off.
656
00:32:35,580 --> 00:32:37,624
- Dad, come on.
- Daddy is not coming on anything.
657
00:32:39,835 --> 00:32:42,462
You will be there,
and you will behave.
658
00:32:42,546 --> 00:32:45,882
I have put too much time
and energy into you
659
00:32:45,966 --> 00:32:47,467
to let you go and fuck it all up!
660
00:32:56,351 --> 00:32:59,020
You're absolutely right.
I'm... I'm sorry, guys.
661
00:32:59,104 --> 00:33:00,438
Wow, I'm... I'm sorry.
662
00:33:02,190 --> 00:33:04,609
- Hmm!
- Sorry. It won't happen again, okay?
663
00:33:06,194 --> 00:33:07,696
Good.
664
00:33:07,779 --> 00:33:09,531
I will speak with you tomorrow.
665
00:33:09,614 --> 00:33:11,867
- Bye, Harold.
- Bye.
666
00:33:11,950 --> 00:33:13,201
See ya.
667
00:33:13,285 --> 00:33:14,619
Wow, man.
668
00:33:14,703 --> 00:33:16,913
So, I guess you're going
to med school after all, eh?
669
00:33:16,997 --> 00:33:19,958
Fuck that, dude.
Like I care what my dad thinks.
670
00:33:20,041 --> 00:33:21,352
I can't wait to see
the look on his face
671
00:33:21,376 --> 00:33:22,854
when he finds out I didn't go
to my interview tomorrow.
672
00:33:22,878 --> 00:33:25,255
He wants to cut me off, fine.
I don't need his money.
673
00:33:25,338 --> 00:33:28,091
I... I don't understand.
You just hugged him, and the... and...
674
00:33:28,175 --> 00:33:30,177
Yeah, I just needed to get
my hands on these.
675
00:33:31,678 --> 00:33:32,888
Access card.
676
00:33:32,971 --> 00:33:35,307
Two words for you, bro...
Medical marijuana.
677
00:33:37,017 --> 00:33:38,101
No.
678
00:33:38,685 --> 00:33:41,146
Oh, that's... this is stolen.
679
00:33:42,981 --> 00:33:44,983
If we get caught,
you are taking the blame.
680
00:33:45,066 --> 00:33:46,443
This is not my idea.
681
00:33:46,526 --> 00:33:47,712
We're not
gonna get caught, okay?
682
00:33:47,736 --> 00:33:48,737
We're gonna go get baked
683
00:33:48,820 --> 00:33:51,364
and then go eat just like we planned.
Now, just calm down.
684
00:33:51,448 --> 00:33:53,700
- We gotta find the pharmacy.
- Dr. Patel!
685
00:33:53,783 --> 00:33:55,619
Thank God I found you.
We have an emergency.
686
00:33:55,702 --> 00:33:58,288
Nurses, I need these two doctors
scrubbed, gloved,
687
00:33:58,371 --> 00:34:00,540
and ready for the O.R. stat!
688
00:34:00,624 --> 00:34:02,643
- What the hell is going on?
- He probably thinks I'm my brother.
689
00:34:02,667 --> 00:34:04,961
Okay, just don't worry about it.
Leave the talking to me.
690
00:34:05,045 --> 00:34:07,422
It's a godforsaken bloodbath.
691
00:34:07,505 --> 00:34:10,175
The patient was brought in
by EMS five minutes ago.
692
00:34:10,258 --> 00:34:12,928
As you can see, we have
three horrific gunshot wounds.
693
00:34:13,011 --> 00:34:14,071
It's a good thing I found you two.
694
00:34:14,095 --> 00:34:15,865
All the other surgeons
are working on other patients.
695
00:34:15,889 --> 00:34:17,450
No, no, no, no.
There's been a mistake. You see...
696
00:34:17,474 --> 00:34:19,035
Uhhh! Excuse me,
what Dr. Lee is trying to say
697
00:34:19,059 --> 00:34:20,494
is that we need to sedate the patient...
698
00:34:20,518 --> 00:34:23,122
- or he could go into cardiac arrest.
- All right, I'll get the anesthesiologist.
699
00:34:23,146 --> 00:34:25,499
Hang on a second, nurse. What we
should probably use is marijuana.
700
00:34:25,523 --> 00:34:27,651
That'll sufficiently
sedate the patient for surgery.
701
00:34:33,698 --> 00:34:35,200
Marijuana?
702
00:34:36,201 --> 00:34:37,202
But why?
703
00:34:37,285 --> 00:34:38,346
We don't have time for questions.
704
00:34:38,370 --> 00:34:41,581
We need marijuana now,
as much of it as possible!
705
00:34:41,665 --> 00:34:43,166
Like a big bag of it.
706
00:34:43,250 --> 00:34:47,003
But, Doctor, we don't
have marijuana in this hospital.
707
00:34:47,087 --> 00:34:48,838
Shit.
708
00:34:48,922 --> 00:34:51,841
Oh, shit!
This guy's gonna die!
709
00:34:51,925 --> 00:34:54,445
Doctor, you have got
to do something or we're gonna lose him!
710
00:34:54,469 --> 00:34:56,072
I'm gonna have to do this
the old-fashioned way.
711
00:34:56,096 --> 00:34:57,114
Start the nitrous, please.
712
00:34:57,138 --> 00:34:59,283
Give me two large-bore I.V.s
and start a Ringers lactate push.
713
00:34:59,307 --> 00:35:01,309
- Dr. Roldy, hold this.
- Wha...?
714
00:35:07,357 --> 00:35:08,650
More gauze, please.
715
00:35:08,733 --> 00:35:11,629
- Doctor, the patient is desatting.
- Dude, he's desatting! He's desatting!
716
00:35:11,653 --> 00:35:14,864
Patient has a collapsed lung.
I need a 14-gauge angiocath stat.
717
00:35:21,788 --> 00:35:23,123
That was genius.
718
00:35:23,206 --> 00:35:25,083
- Thank you.
- Great job!
719
00:35:25,166 --> 00:35:27,210
You guys did it.
No, it's you.
720
00:35:28,378 --> 00:35:31,006
- Sexy.
- What'd you say?
721
00:35:31,089 --> 00:35:32,257
Nothing.
722
00:35:32,340 --> 00:35:33,425
Sweet-pea.
723
00:35:35,385 --> 00:35:37,554
Well, the patient
appears to be stabilized.
724
00:35:37,637 --> 00:35:40,324
- Good work, doctors, all around.
- Great. One of you clean this up, please.
725
00:35:40,348 --> 00:35:42,118
- Put the chest tube in.
- Meow. You're moist.
726
00:35:42,142 --> 00:35:45,020
- It's okay, I'm not sweating anymore.
- You're glistening.
727
00:35:45,103 --> 00:35:47,897
Soft and chocolate lips...
728
00:35:47,981 --> 00:35:49,333
Could I get a little dab here?
729
00:35:49,357 --> 00:35:51,651
Shh, shh, shh.
Hush now, hush now.
730
00:35:51,735 --> 00:35:54,154
Excuse me, um, sir,
do you, uh, do you happen to know
731
00:35:54,237 --> 00:35:56,424
how to get to the White Castle
in Cherry Hill from here?
732
00:35:56,448 --> 00:35:57,741
Yeah.
733
00:35:57,824 --> 00:36:01,244
Take the 33 west
and take the Turnpike south,
734
00:36:01,328 --> 00:36:02,620
and there you are.
735
00:36:02,704 --> 00:36:04,789
I'm telling you, man,
that was amazing!
736
00:36:04,873 --> 00:36:06,600
Even your dad would
have been impressed, man.
737
00:36:06,624 --> 00:36:08,251
Yeah, it wasn't that bad.
738
00:36:08,335 --> 00:36:12,672
This is perfect. We're back on the road,
we got directions, it stopped raining.
739
00:36:12,756 --> 00:36:14,007
And guess what, man.
740
00:36:14,090 --> 00:36:16,551
- I'm officially done with my work.
- Oh, yeah?
741
00:36:16,634 --> 00:36:17,719
- Right?
- Nice!
742
00:36:17,802 --> 00:36:20,513
I'm telling you, dude,
things are finally starting to go our way.
743
00:36:22,349 --> 00:36:24,100
Hey, dude, check it out...
Sixteen Candles.
744
00:36:24,184 --> 00:36:25,328
Isn't that your favorite movie?
745
00:36:25,352 --> 00:36:27,020
Wow, man, that's awesome!
746
00:36:28,855 --> 00:36:31,441
Yo, and look who decided
to go see it.
747
00:36:31,524 --> 00:36:32,650
Holy shit.
748
00:36:32,734 --> 00:36:35,111
See! You said you two
had nothing in common,
749
00:36:35,195 --> 00:36:37,280
but you both have
the same lame taste in movies!
750
00:36:37,364 --> 00:36:38,782
Shut up.
751
00:36:38,865 --> 00:36:40,718
Hey, we should ask her if she
wants to come to White Castle.
752
00:36:40,742 --> 00:36:43,411
No. No, no.
Forget about it. Just drive.
753
00:36:43,495 --> 00:36:45,163
Dude, come on.
It's 1:00 in the morning,
754
00:36:45,246 --> 00:36:46,915
and we're an hour away from home,
755
00:36:46,998 --> 00:36:50,126
and who do we see but your dream girl
standing across the street?
756
00:36:50,210 --> 00:36:52,962
Just pretend that you're, like,
a nerdy Asian version of Tom Hanks
757
00:36:53,046 --> 00:36:55,799
and she's a hot Latina Meg Ryan
with bigger tits.
758
00:36:56,883 --> 00:36:58,802
The cars are going.
Can we go? How about that?
759
00:36:58,885 --> 00:37:00,071
What are you doing?
What are you doing? What are you doing?
760
00:37:00,095 --> 00:37:01,096
Excuse me, Maria!
761
00:37:01,179 --> 00:37:03,973
- What are you doing?
- Maria! Excuse me for a second!
762
00:37:04,057 --> 00:37:05,850
Come here!
763
00:37:05,934 --> 00:37:07,703
No! What the hell are you doing?
764
00:37:07,727 --> 00:37:09,646
Get your hand off the gas!
Shit!
765
00:37:09,729 --> 00:37:11,648
- I'm stuck!
- Stop turning the wheel!
766
00:37:11,731 --> 00:37:13,817
- I am stuck!
- What do you mean you're stuck?
767
00:37:13,900 --> 00:37:14,984
Get unstuck!
768
00:37:15,068 --> 00:37:16,444
Gnaahh!
769
00:37:16,528 --> 00:37:17,695
Aahh! Aahh!
770
00:37:23,076 --> 00:37:26,621
Whoa!
771
00:37:26,704 --> 00:37:28,748
- You asshole!
- Wha... wha...?
772
00:37:28,832 --> 00:37:31,418
We could have seriously
injured ourselves, man!
773
00:37:31,501 --> 00:37:32,961
Yo, don't blame me, genius.
774
00:37:33,044 --> 00:37:35,564
I'm not the one who decided
to run us off the frickin' road, all right?
775
00:37:35,588 --> 00:37:37,400
Let's just get
back on the highway, okay?
776
00:37:37,424 --> 00:37:38,800
Fine with me.
777
00:37:46,307 --> 00:37:47,892
It's not funny.
778
00:37:57,402 --> 00:37:59,904
- Where's my spare tire?
- I don't know.
779
00:38:01,656 --> 00:38:03,616
Where the hell's my spare tire?
780
00:38:03,700 --> 00:38:05,368
Oh, yeah!
781
00:38:05,452 --> 00:38:06,661
Dude...
782
00:38:06,744 --> 00:38:08,997
remember that time
we got really stoned
783
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:12,792
and started throwing shit off
that bridge to see if it would float?
784
00:38:14,210 --> 00:38:16,546
What bridge? I don't remem...
What are you talking about?
785
00:38:16,629 --> 00:38:18,923
Oh, shit, that's right.
That was with Goldstein.
786
00:38:20,758 --> 00:38:22,760
We borrowed your car
that night. My bad.
787
00:38:22,844 --> 00:38:26,181
Your bad? Wh-what the hell
are we gonna do now?
788
00:38:29,851 --> 00:38:31,853
- Hey!
- Hey! Excuse me!
789
00:38:31,936 --> 00:38:34,272
- Hello! Over here!
- Excuse me!
790
00:38:44,574 --> 00:38:46,784
You boys need some help?
791
00:38:53,708 --> 00:38:55,210
Thanks for helping us out.
792
00:38:59,380 --> 00:39:00,840
Oh, no problem at all.
793
00:39:00,965 --> 00:39:04,969
I seen you two stranded
out there alone in the dark,
794
00:39:05,053 --> 00:39:06,804
and I said to myself...
795
00:39:08,348 --> 00:39:10,099
"What would Jesus do?"
796
00:39:22,487 --> 00:39:25,573
Have you boys accepted Jesus
as your Lord and Savior?
797
00:39:25,657 --> 00:39:27,784
- Yes.
- Yeah, He's great. Cool guy.
798
00:39:27,867 --> 00:39:30,370
Praise the Lord
and pass the ammunition!
799
00:39:30,453 --> 00:39:34,207
Name's Randy,
but everybody calls me Freakshow.
800
00:39:34,290 --> 00:39:35,917
My name's Kumar.
801
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:37,877
How are you, Kunie?
802
00:39:38,586 --> 00:39:41,631
- Uh... and this is Harold.
- Hi, Jerald. How are you?
803
00:39:42,674 --> 00:39:45,093
So, uh,
where exactly are we, uh, going?
804
00:39:45,176 --> 00:39:48,179
Oh, don't you worry about that none.
We ain't too far away from my place.
805
00:39:48,263 --> 00:39:51,266
And once we get there,
I'll have your ride fixed up in a jiffy.
806
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,776
Check out
those boils on his neck.
807
00:40:01,859 --> 00:40:03,820
You gotta look.
One of 'em's actually pulsating.
808
00:40:05,113 --> 00:40:07,448
Shut up.
He's right next to me.
809
00:40:07,532 --> 00:40:08,783
He can hear you.
810
00:40:08,866 --> 00:40:10,535
Ugh! Now there's
some sort of puss.
811
00:40:10,618 --> 00:40:12,012
- It's disgusting!
- Shut up. Shut up.
812
00:40:12,036 --> 00:40:14,747
Just one little boil.
Just look at it.
813
00:40:23,089 --> 00:40:25,800
See, isn't that the most disgusting
thing you've ever seen?
814
00:40:25,883 --> 00:40:27,969
You think that just
because you're whispering,
815
00:40:28,052 --> 00:40:29,971
he can't hear what you are saying?
816
00:40:31,097 --> 00:40:33,975
He's two feet away from us.
He can hear this entire conversation.
817
00:40:34,058 --> 00:40:36,311
He can hear me talking right now.
818
00:40:36,394 --> 00:40:38,038
Don't worry about it.
He can't hear anything...
819
00:40:38,062 --> 00:40:40,148
not with all that crust in his ear.
820
00:40:48,906 --> 00:40:50,575
I heard everything you said.
821
00:40:59,626 --> 00:41:01,753
It's gonna take me a while
to fix up your car there,
822
00:41:01,836 --> 00:41:06,424
so if you boys like,
you can go on inside,
823
00:41:06,507 --> 00:41:08,801
get yourselves something
to drink, wash up,
824
00:41:08,885 --> 00:41:11,387
fuck my wife, watch TV...
Anything you want.
825
00:41:11,471 --> 00:41:15,016
Mi casa es su casa.
826
00:41:15,099 --> 00:41:17,477
Just don't do anything
the good Lord wouldn't do.
827
00:41:19,604 --> 00:41:20,647
Thank you.
828
00:41:22,190 --> 00:41:24,359
We're gonna die.
He's going to kill us.
829
00:41:24,442 --> 00:41:25,818
We're gonna die.
830
00:41:25,902 --> 00:41:29,030
Dude, am I deaf, or did he just say
we get to fuck his wife?
831
00:41:29,113 --> 00:41:30,193
He couldn't have said that.
832
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:32,533
Aah!
833
00:41:33,201 --> 00:41:35,119
Who cares?
You've seen Freakshow.
834
00:41:35,203 --> 00:41:36,972
What do you think his wife
is gonna look like?
835
00:41:50,677 --> 00:41:52,470
Oh, hi, boys.
836
00:41:52,553 --> 00:41:54,389
I'm Freakshow's wife, Liane.
837
00:41:55,848 --> 00:41:57,767
Can I get you some pink lemonade?
838
00:41:57,850 --> 00:42:00,436
Why don't you just go
have a seat in the living room,
839
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:02,605
and, uh, I'll be back in a jiffy.
840
00:42:02,689 --> 00:42:04,049
Thanks.
841
00:42:07,485 --> 00:42:10,488
- Hot. Hot!
- Uh-huh.
842
00:42:18,913 --> 00:42:20,248
Jesus Christ.
843
00:42:25,753 --> 00:42:29,257
Okay, it's official.
We entered the Twilight Zone.
844
00:42:29,340 --> 00:42:32,427
- Dude, Liane is fucking hot.
- She's not ugly.
845
00:42:34,387 --> 00:42:35,763
Here you go, boys.
846
00:42:35,847 --> 00:42:37,199
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Thanks a lot.
847
00:42:37,223 --> 00:42:40,143
Liane, how are things between you
and Freakshow presently?
848
00:42:40,226 --> 00:42:43,521
Oh! They've never been better.
We love each other so much.
849
00:42:43,604 --> 00:42:45,481
I was just wondering,
how does a, um,
850
00:42:45,565 --> 00:42:48,484
a guy like... like Freakshow end...
851
00:42:52,613 --> 00:42:55,825
end up with a, um,
a girl like you? How does...?
852
00:42:55,908 --> 00:42:59,996
Well, we met at choir practice
about four years ago.
853
00:43:00,079 --> 00:43:02,039
Freakshow was really shy
back then, you know,
854
00:43:02,123 --> 00:43:04,208
'cause of all his hideous boils
on his face and neck.
855
00:43:04,292 --> 00:43:05,543
Sure, sure.
856
00:43:05,626 --> 00:43:08,671
But he had the most amazing voice,
like a baby canary.
857
00:43:20,099 --> 00:43:22,727
After Easter service one day
I told him how much I loved his solo,
858
00:43:22,810 --> 00:43:25,229
and he finally mustered up
the courage to ask me out.
859
00:43:25,313 --> 00:43:27,398
We've been in love ever since.
860
00:43:27,482 --> 00:43:30,234
So, are you boys gonna
fuck me now or what?
861
00:43:32,695 --> 00:43:34,864
Rock, paper, scissors
to see who goes first. Ready?
862
00:43:34,947 --> 00:43:36,866
- Rock, paper...
- Wait, wait, wait a second!
863
00:43:36,949 --> 00:43:38,159
What about Freakshow, huh?
864
00:43:38,242 --> 00:43:42,330
What? You assume we don't
know how to have a good time?
865
00:43:42,413 --> 00:43:43,915
I... I just...
866
00:43:45,416 --> 00:43:46,417
Aah!
867
00:43:53,007 --> 00:43:54,842
Never mind.
Okay, rock, paper, scissors.
868
00:43:54,926 --> 00:43:57,261
Uh, sorry, but if you boys want me,
869
00:43:57,345 --> 00:43:58,888
you have to do me at the same time.
870
00:43:58,971 --> 00:44:02,016
- Huh?
- Come on, give me the double-stuff.
871
00:44:02,099 --> 00:44:03,935
I'm not sure
we quite understand, Liane.
872
00:44:04,018 --> 00:44:07,396
I want you both
inside me simultaneously.
873
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:09,440
- One hole or two?
- Whatever you want.
874
00:44:09,524 --> 00:44:11,567
Sorry. No, no, thank you.
No, thank you.
875
00:44:11,651 --> 00:44:14,111
Shh! Dude, if it's two holes,
it might not be that bad.
876
00:44:14,195 --> 00:44:15,905
- Shotgun anus.
- Forget it!
877
00:44:15,988 --> 00:44:17,948
I don't want our balls
rubbing against each other.
878
00:44:17,990 --> 00:44:19,909
- What, are you kidding?
- No way! Forget it.
879
00:44:19,992 --> 00:44:21,672
How about blow jobs?
Can we have blow jobs?
880
00:44:26,958 --> 00:44:28,125
Well, okay.
881
00:44:31,629 --> 00:44:32,648
- Come here.
- Come here?
882
00:44:32,672 --> 00:44:35,424
Okay. I'm going up there.
883
00:44:35,508 --> 00:44:36,884
I wanna come too.
884
00:44:36,968 --> 00:44:40,263
- Think you could help me with this?
- You need help?
885
00:44:40,346 --> 00:44:41,347
Uh-huh.
886
00:44:41,430 --> 00:44:44,642
Okay, yeah.
It's a little sticky there.
887
00:44:44,725 --> 00:44:46,894
- You can do it.
- Okay.
888
00:44:46,978 --> 00:44:48,729
I can do it. I can do it.
889
00:44:48,813 --> 00:44:50,053
I'm trying.
890
00:44:50,857 --> 00:44:52,191
- Uh...
- Whoa!
891
00:45:02,827 --> 00:45:04,787
Do you wanna play with them?
892
00:45:04,871 --> 00:45:05,872
Play with them.
893
00:45:07,582 --> 00:45:09,709
- Yeah, let's, uh, let's... let's do that.
- Okay.
894
00:45:09,792 --> 00:45:10,793
Let's do that.
895
00:45:13,212 --> 00:45:16,632
Well, boys, I fixed your tire.
896
00:45:20,344 --> 00:45:21,512
Hi, honey.
897
00:45:21,596 --> 00:45:24,265
What in the hell
are you doing with my wife?
898
00:45:24,348 --> 00:45:25,948
Uh...!
899
00:45:25,975 --> 00:45:28,060
You said outside that
we could have sex with her!
900
00:45:28,144 --> 00:45:30,146
- Aah!
- Oh, shit! Shit!
901
00:45:30,229 --> 00:45:33,441
- I most certainly did not!
- No. Yeah, you did. You did.
902
00:45:33,524 --> 00:45:34,859
- I did not!
- Yes, you did.
903
00:45:34,942 --> 00:45:36,986
- Oh, no, I didn't!
- You did, you did.
904
00:45:38,654 --> 00:45:41,073
- You sure?
- You said it.
905
00:45:45,620 --> 00:45:46,621
My mistake!
906
00:45:46,704 --> 00:45:48,164
Freakshow.
907
00:45:48,247 --> 00:45:51,375
Well, since we're all here...
908
00:45:51,918 --> 00:45:52,960
how about a foursome?
909
00:45:53,044 --> 00:45:54,211
Aah!
910
00:45:54,295 --> 00:45:56,172
Who wants the first reach-around?
911
00:46:04,722 --> 00:46:07,183
Okay, let's agree to never talk
about what just happened.
912
00:46:07,266 --> 00:46:08,351
Agreed.
913
00:46:08,434 --> 00:46:11,395
That's a very good idea.
914
00:46:11,479 --> 00:46:13,230
Dude, I have no idea
where we are.
915
00:46:13,314 --> 00:46:14,607
What?
916
00:46:16,150 --> 00:46:17,710
- Is that a hitchhiker?
- What the hell?
917
00:46:17,777 --> 00:46:20,130
- Should we pick him up?
- And get chopped to bits? Are you crazy?
918
00:46:20,154 --> 00:46:22,591
You know what? We're lost. He may
know how to get back on the highway.
919
00:46:22,615 --> 00:46:24,533
Get back on the road.
This is my car,
920
00:46:24,617 --> 00:46:26,827
and we are not picking up
a hitchhiker, man.
921
00:46:26,911 --> 00:46:29,538
Hey, guys, thanks
for picking me up.
922
00:46:29,622 --> 00:46:30,748
Ohh!
923
00:46:31,582 --> 00:46:32,833
Whoa!
924
00:46:33,501 --> 00:46:36,128
Excuse me,
are you Neil Patrick Harris?
925
00:46:36,212 --> 00:46:37,213
Yep.
926
00:46:37,296 --> 00:46:39,382
- Oh, my God, what are you doing here?
- Holy shit.
927
00:46:39,465 --> 00:46:41,360
Dude,
Doogie Howser M.D. was,
like, my favorite show growing up.
928
00:46:41,384 --> 00:46:42,385
You were my idol.
929
00:46:42,468 --> 00:46:45,148
Yeah, that's great. Could we get going?
I'm bored as shit back here.
930
00:46:45,262 --> 00:46:47,974
- Go, go.
- Let's go. This is a frickin' boring spot.
931
00:46:55,439 --> 00:46:58,109
So, uh, so I gotta ask you, Neil, uh,
932
00:46:58,192 --> 00:47:00,361
did you ever get it on
with Wanda off the set?
933
00:47:00,444 --> 00:47:03,072
Dude, I humped every
piece of ass ever on that show.
934
00:47:03,155 --> 00:47:04,865
Even the chick
who played the hot nurse?
935
00:47:05,908 --> 00:47:07,410
No.
936
00:47:07,493 --> 00:47:09,787
I didn't go all the way with her.
937
00:47:13,165 --> 00:47:14,393
Neil, you wouldn't happen to know
938
00:47:14,417 --> 00:47:15,769
how to get on the highway
from here, would you?
939
00:47:15,793 --> 00:47:17,962
Dude, I don't even know
where the fuck I am right now.
940
00:47:18,045 --> 00:47:19,314
I was at this party earlier tonight
941
00:47:19,338 --> 00:47:21,590
and some guy hooked me up
with this incredible X,
942
00:47:21,674 --> 00:47:24,260
and next thing I know, I'm being
thrown out of a moving car.
943
00:47:24,343 --> 00:47:26,137
I've been tripping balls ever since.
944
00:47:26,220 --> 00:47:27,763
That's crazy, dude!
945
00:47:27,847 --> 00:47:29,825
You know, we've been having
a pretty crazy night too.
946
00:47:29,849 --> 00:47:31,576
We've just been driving around
looking for White Castle,
947
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:32,977
but we keep getting sidetracked.
948
00:47:33,060 --> 00:47:34,121
Yeah, dude, you fascinate me.
949
00:47:34,145 --> 00:47:36,147
Forget White Castle.
Let's go get some pussy.
950
00:47:36,230 --> 00:47:38,482
- Huh?
- It's a fuckin' sausage-fest in here, bros.
951
00:47:38,566 --> 00:47:40,943
Let's get us some poontang.
Then we'll go to White Castle.
952
00:47:41,027 --> 00:47:42,129
No, Neil, you don't understand.
953
00:47:42,153 --> 00:47:43,672
We've been craving
these burgers all night.
954
00:47:43,696 --> 00:47:46,574
Yeah, I've been craving
burgers too... fur burgers.
955
00:47:46,657 --> 00:47:49,618
Come on, dudes, let's pick up
some trim at a strip club.
956
00:47:49,702 --> 00:47:52,121
The Doogie line
always works on strippers.
957
00:47:55,750 --> 00:47:58,478
There's a, uh, there's a gas station.
I'm gonna see if we can get directions.
958
00:47:58,502 --> 00:48:01,047
What? We don't need to...
Oh, my God.
959
00:48:02,673 --> 00:48:04,359
Hurry up, dudes, hurry up.
960
00:48:04,383 --> 00:48:05,718
I'm losing wood.
961
00:48:10,139 --> 00:48:12,933
Hurry, hurry, hurry,
hurry, hurry, hurry.
962
00:48:13,017 --> 00:48:15,037
- Chill.
- We'll be right back, Neil.
963
00:48:15,061 --> 00:48:16,353
We'll be back.
964
00:48:22,568 --> 00:48:25,613
What's the deal with Neil Patrick Harris?
Why is he so horny?
965
00:48:25,696 --> 00:48:28,449
I don't know, but we can't
let him interfere with our quest.
966
00:48:30,326 --> 00:48:33,621
- Oh, God.
- Shit, these punks again.
967
00:48:33,704 --> 00:48:35,140
Late-night Math League
meeting, homos?
968
00:48:35,164 --> 00:48:36,248
Ha ha! Extreme!
969
00:48:40,211 --> 00:48:41,504
Let's go.
970
00:48:44,256 --> 00:48:45,382
Fuh...!
971
00:48:51,388 --> 00:48:54,350
No, no.
Pies, pies... no.
972
00:49:00,564 --> 00:49:02,042
Dude, what is that?
Is that a pterodactyl?
973
00:49:02,066 --> 00:49:03,426
I do not know what that is.
974
00:49:03,484 --> 00:49:05,361
That was extreme, dude!
975
00:49:05,444 --> 00:49:08,614
Excuse me, can you tell us how
to get to the highway from here?
976
00:49:08,697 --> 00:49:09,865
Oh, dude, I got this.
977
00:49:21,669 --> 00:49:24,130
Dude, who knew learning Hindi
would actually pay off?
978
00:49:24,213 --> 00:49:26,316
Guy says the highway is, like,
a couple traffic lights from here.
979
00:49:26,340 --> 00:49:28,342
We should be in Cherry Hill
in, like, ten minutes.
980
00:49:28,425 --> 00:49:30,553
- Ready? One, two, three!
- No. No.
981
00:49:30,636 --> 00:49:32,721
- No.
- Extreme kayaking!
982
00:49:32,805 --> 00:49:34,181
Nooooo!
983
00:49:36,809 --> 00:49:38,102
Extreme!
984
00:49:43,315 --> 00:49:45,568
- No!
- Man, that was so fuckin' extreme!
985
00:49:45,651 --> 00:49:47,903
On a scale of one to ten,
986
00:49:47,987 --> 00:49:51,031
one being not-so-extreme,
and ten being extremely extreme,
987
00:49:51,115 --> 00:49:53,033
I give this a 9.5!
988
00:49:54,660 --> 00:49:56,871
- Check it out!
- Extreme cheddar!
989
00:50:02,668 --> 00:50:05,087
- Hey, guy, hey!
- Extreme cashier!
990
00:50:06,547 --> 00:50:07,649
Somebody should do something.
991
00:50:09,341 --> 00:50:10,676
Yeah, you're right.
992
00:50:10,759 --> 00:50:13,387
Hey, asshole!
Why don't you leave that guy alone
993
00:50:13,470 --> 00:50:15,764
and go jerk off to some
snowboarding videos or something?
994
00:50:15,848 --> 00:50:19,101
Ohh!
995
00:50:19,185 --> 00:50:21,025
I didn't mean
you
should do something about it.
996
00:50:22,021 --> 00:50:24,023
He's dead!
997
00:50:29,904 --> 00:50:32,281
Ohhh!
998
00:50:32,781 --> 00:50:34,658
What? You're gonna take that?
999
00:50:34,742 --> 00:50:37,620
What's up with that, buddy? What?
1000
00:50:37,703 --> 00:50:39,413
You're gonna take that?
1001
00:50:40,873 --> 00:50:41,874
Yeah!
1002
00:50:41,999 --> 00:50:43,417
- Shit!
- That's right, bitch!
1003
00:50:43,500 --> 00:50:45,920
You just try fuckin' with me
one more time!
1004
00:50:46,003 --> 00:50:47,087
Just try it!
1005
00:50:47,171 --> 00:50:48,523
Thank you, come again.
1006
00:50:51,425 --> 00:50:52,551
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1007
00:50:54,011 --> 00:50:56,013
Kumar, you okay?
1008
00:50:56,096 --> 00:50:58,366
Yeah, dude, I just hate those assholes.
1009
00:50:58,390 --> 00:51:00,243
You know what? Fuck it, I'm hungry.
Let's just get outta here.
1010
00:51:14,615 --> 00:51:17,117
Did Doogie Howser
just steal my fucking car?
1011
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:23,791
Yes. I think he did.
1012
00:51:29,255 --> 00:51:33,008
Aaaaaahhhhhh!
1013
00:51:33,092 --> 00:51:33,884
Aaahhh!
1014
00:51:33,968 --> 00:51:34,843
Aaaahhhh!
1015
00:51:34,927 --> 00:51:35,927
Aahh!
1016
00:51:35,970 --> 00:51:36,887
Aah!
1017
00:51:36,971 --> 00:51:38,847
Aaaahhhh! Aaaahhhh!
1018
00:51:38,931 --> 00:51:39,932
Aah!
1019
00:51:40,015 --> 00:51:42,601
You! You had to pick up
a hitchhiker! Why?!
1020
00:51:42,685 --> 00:51:43,686
Rold, calm down.
1021
00:51:43,769 --> 00:51:45,205
Why did you leave
the keys in the car? Why?
1022
00:51:45,229 --> 00:51:46,869
- I... I...
- Because it would get stolen.
1023
00:51:46,939 --> 00:51:49,275
I figured that Neil Patrick Harris
was a trustworthy guy.
1024
00:51:49,358 --> 00:51:51,419
Come on. How was I supposed
to know he'd fuck us over?
1025
00:51:51,443 --> 00:51:54,571
This whole freaking night,
this whole night, is your fault!
1026
00:51:56,365 --> 00:51:59,243
- Where you going?
- I'm going inside to call the police.
1027
00:51:59,326 --> 00:52:01,370
I don't want to talk
to you anymore. Aah.
1028
00:52:01,453 --> 00:52:03,205
Come on, man!
1029
00:52:04,290 --> 00:52:06,333
- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!
1030
00:52:06,417 --> 00:52:08,057
Hey, there's a pay phone
across the street
1031
00:52:08,127 --> 00:52:10,337
if you don't want to deal
with those assholes.
1032
00:52:24,018 --> 00:52:27,688
So, after we talk to the cops, we're
still going to White Castle, right?
1033
00:52:27,771 --> 00:52:29,315
I'm not speaking to you.
1034
00:52:30,316 --> 00:52:33,402
Jesus Christ, when are they fucking
going to develop button technology
1035
00:52:33,485 --> 00:52:34,903
that will understand urgency?!
1036
00:52:34,987 --> 00:52:38,240
- Dude, this is ridiculous. Just walk across.
- It'll change in a second.
1037
00:52:38,324 --> 00:52:40,075
There's not a car in sight.
Just go ahead.
1038
00:52:40,159 --> 00:52:43,245
Fine. You want me to cross?
You want me to cross? I will cross.
1039
00:52:43,329 --> 00:52:45,789
If it makes you happy, I will cross.
1040
00:52:46,832 --> 00:52:47,916
I'll do it.
1041
00:52:53,130 --> 00:52:54,423
Oh! Shit!
1042
00:52:54,506 --> 00:52:57,134
- What...
- Sorry.
1043
00:53:00,346 --> 00:53:02,931
Is there a... is there a problem,
Officer Pa... Palumbo?
1044
00:53:03,015 --> 00:53:05,225
Is there a problem?
You ever heard of jaywalking?
1045
00:53:05,309 --> 00:53:07,120
Yes, I have. I'm really sorry.
Won't happen again.
1046
00:53:07,144 --> 00:53:09,104
That's great.
I'm writing you up a ticket.
1047
00:53:09,188 --> 00:53:10,606
A ticket?
Are you serious?
1048
00:53:10,689 --> 00:53:12,608
Who the fuck are you, shitwad?
1049
00:53:12,691 --> 00:53:15,277
Let me apologize
for my friend here. I'm very sorry.
1050
00:53:15,361 --> 00:53:17,297
I'm really glad you're here.
We've had a rough night.
1051
00:53:17,321 --> 00:53:19,073
You know the show
Doogie Howser M.D.?
1052
00:53:19,156 --> 00:53:22,451
Yeah, it's great show.
God, I love that show. "Doogie."
1053
00:53:22,534 --> 00:53:24,995
Neil Patrick Harris
stole my car tonight.
1054
00:53:25,079 --> 00:53:27,206
Hey, NPH wouldn't do that,
all right?
1055
00:53:27,289 --> 00:53:28,624
Give me some I.D.
1056
00:53:28,707 --> 00:53:31,001
Excuse me, how can you
give him a ticket for jaywalking?
1057
00:53:31,085 --> 00:53:33,938
It's 2:30 in the morning, and there's,
like, there's not a car around here.
1058
00:53:33,962 --> 00:53:35,857
- It's not like he was causing traffic...
- Kumar, shut up.
1059
00:53:35,881 --> 00:53:37,192
That's not the kind of tone
you want to use
1060
00:53:37,216 --> 00:53:38,759
on a cop who can bust your ass.
1061
00:53:38,842 --> 00:53:41,345
- Bust my ass?
- Yeah, Koo-mar.
1062
00:53:41,428 --> 00:53:43,013
Bust your ass.
1063
00:53:43,097 --> 00:53:46,683
What kind of name
is that anyhow, huh? Koo-mar.
1064
00:53:46,767 --> 00:53:49,353
What is that,
like, five O's or two U's?
1065
00:53:49,436 --> 00:53:51,105
No, it's actually one U.
1066
00:53:51,188 --> 00:53:52,648
Yeah, bullshit.
1067
00:53:52,731 --> 00:53:56,151
Whatever happened to good old American
names like Dave or Jim, you know?
1068
00:53:56,235 --> 00:53:57,820
- Harold.
- Harold.
1069
00:53:57,903 --> 00:53:59,623
- Are you Kidd...
- Now that's a great name.
1070
00:53:59,655 --> 00:54:01,341
- Let me take care of this.
- You should be proud of that name, son.
1071
00:54:01,365 --> 00:54:02,991
As you were, ladies.
1072
00:54:04,076 --> 00:54:07,162
- $220?! Are you crazy?!
- Kumar, if you don't stop...
1073
00:54:07,246 --> 00:54:08,932
No, I understand exactly
what's going on here.
1074
00:54:08,956 --> 00:54:12,459
Excuse me, officer, let me
take a couple of guesses, huh?
1075
00:54:12,543 --> 00:54:14,354
- I'm really sorry...
- Hey, get your hands down!
1076
00:54:14,378 --> 00:54:15,563
- Okay, all right.
- No sudden moves.
1077
00:54:15,587 --> 00:54:16,839
- Back it up!
- Okay, okay.
1078
00:54:16,922 --> 00:54:19,234
You were probably the big asshole
in your high school, right?
1079
00:54:19,258 --> 00:54:20,467
Absolutely right.
1080
00:54:20,551 --> 00:54:22,112
Used to pick on guys like us
every day, right?
1081
00:54:22,136 --> 00:54:23,178
With pleasure.
1082
00:54:23,262 --> 00:54:25,472
And then graduation day came,
and we went to college,
1083
00:54:25,556 --> 00:54:27,182
and you went nowhere,
and you thought,
1084
00:54:27,266 --> 00:54:29,017
"Hey, how can I
still give them shit?
1085
00:54:29,101 --> 00:54:30,727
Oh, I know, I'll become a cop."
1086
00:54:30,811 --> 00:54:33,689
Right? Well, congratu-fuckin'-lations.
Your dream has come true.
1087
00:54:33,772 --> 00:54:35,417
Now, why don't you just take
this quiet little Asian guy
1088
00:54:35,441 --> 00:54:38,068
with the anglicized name
that suits you so well
1089
00:54:38,152 --> 00:54:39,587
a-and give him a couple
of other tickets?
1090
00:54:39,611 --> 00:54:41,423
- Better yet, just take him to jail.
- Better idea.
1091
00:54:41,447 --> 00:54:43,550
Why don't you just arrest him?
Does that work out for you okay, Harold?
1092
00:54:43,574 --> 00:54:44,801
- "Great American name, Harold."
- Let's go, Harold.
1093
00:54:44,825 --> 00:54:46,386
Thanks to your buddy,
we're going downtow...
1094
00:54:46,410 --> 00:54:47,411
Raaah!
1095
00:54:52,249 --> 00:54:53,459
Oh, shit.
1096
00:54:54,460 --> 00:54:59,214
Well, thank you so much for
being understanding about Bradley.
1097
00:54:59,298 --> 00:55:01,216
I promise you
he won't ever do it again.
1098
00:55:01,300 --> 00:55:02,735
- My baby.
- Oh, I'm sure he won't.
1099
00:55:02,759 --> 00:55:03,759
Aah!
1100
00:55:04,678 --> 00:55:06,096
Right, Brad?
1101
00:55:06,180 --> 00:55:08,056
Yes, sir, Officer Palumbo, sir.
1102
00:55:08,140 --> 00:55:11,685
- Mommy, can we go home?
- Get in the car, Bradley Thomas.
1103
00:55:11,768 --> 00:55:13,413
- Mommy!
- Bye, Brad.
1104
00:55:13,437 --> 00:55:15,397
'Scuse... are you gonna do
something about my car?
1105
00:55:15,481 --> 00:55:17,399
First our top story.
1106
00:55:17,483 --> 00:55:20,527
The search for the escaped cheetah
continues tonight.
1107
00:55:20,611 --> 00:55:23,614
It was last spotted in Randolph County,
south of Putnam Road.
1108
00:55:23,697 --> 00:55:24,698
Please be advised...
1109
00:55:24,781 --> 00:55:27,993
- So what are you in here for?
- For being black.
1110
00:55:28,535 --> 00:55:29,703
Seriously.
1111
00:55:30,329 --> 00:55:32,873
I am serious.
You wanna know what happened?
1112
00:55:34,208 --> 00:55:36,668
I was walking
out of a Barnes & Noble,
1113
00:55:36,752 --> 00:55:38,128
and a cop stops me.
1114
00:55:38,212 --> 00:55:41,590
Evidently a black guy
robbed a store in Newark.
1115
00:55:41,673 --> 00:55:44,760
I told him, "I haven't even been
to Newark in months."
1116
00:55:44,843 --> 00:55:47,054
So, he starts beating me
with his gun...
1117
00:55:47,137 --> 00:55:49,491
- telling me to stop resisting arrest.
- Holy shit! What'd you do?
1118
00:55:49,515 --> 00:55:51,725
I kept saying,
"I understand I'm under arrest.
1119
00:55:51,808 --> 00:55:53,936
Now please stop beating me."
1120
00:55:54,019 --> 00:55:56,456
I'm sorry, I don't understand how
you can be so calm about all this.
1121
00:55:56,480 --> 00:56:00,442
Look at me.
I'm fat, black, can't dance,
1122
00:56:00,526 --> 00:56:02,152
and I have two gay fathers.
1123
00:56:03,070 --> 00:56:05,864
People have been
messing with me my whole life.
1124
00:56:05,948 --> 00:56:09,701
I learned a long time ago that
there's no sense getting all riled up
1125
00:56:09,785 --> 00:56:12,204
every time a bunch of idiots
give you a hard time.
1126
00:56:12,746 --> 00:56:17,125
In the end, the universe tends
to unfold as it should.
1127
00:56:18,585 --> 00:56:21,004
Plus I have a really large penis.
That keeps me happy.
1128
00:56:22,214 --> 00:56:23,298
Hey, hey, listen up, guys!
1129
00:56:23,382 --> 00:56:24,901
Multiple gunshots
fired in Millbrook Park.
1130
00:56:24,925 --> 00:56:27,135
Finally, some action.
I'm goin'!
1131
00:56:27,219 --> 00:56:28,595
- No, I'm goin'!
- Let's go, babe!
1132
00:56:28,679 --> 00:56:30,138
Lock and load! Whoo!
1133
00:56:37,396 --> 00:56:38,397
That was strange.
1134
00:56:41,567 --> 00:56:42,807
What the hell was that?
1135
00:56:44,027 --> 00:56:46,154
Rold. Is that you?
1136
00:56:46,238 --> 00:56:48,365
- Kumar?
- Hey, are the cops still here?
1137
00:56:48,448 --> 00:56:49,741
What the hell are you doing?
1138
00:56:49,825 --> 00:56:52,428
I just called and made up some story
about a shooting in Millbrook Park.
1139
00:56:52,452 --> 00:56:54,556
- Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for?
- I'm fucking starving.
1140
00:56:54,580 --> 00:56:57,332
I figured I'd bust you out
and we'd go get some burgers.
1141
00:56:57,416 --> 00:56:59,710
Forget it. I'm not getting
into any more trouble.
1142
00:56:59,793 --> 00:57:01,503
I'm already in here because of you.
1143
00:57:01,587 --> 00:57:02,588
Hey, fuck you!
1144
00:57:02,671 --> 00:57:04,965
What did you want me to do,
stand there and take the hit?
1145
00:57:05,048 --> 00:57:06,568
You know I've never
taken a swing at you, ever.
1146
00:57:06,592 --> 00:57:07,902
Well, I never got your car stolen.
1147
00:57:07,926 --> 00:57:09,177
- Fine. I'm leaving.
- Fine.
1148
00:57:11,763 --> 00:57:16,852
- Um, Harold, how do I get out of here?
- How the hell should I know?
1149
00:57:16,935 --> 00:57:19,021
Shit! Oh, God, this isn't good.
1150
00:57:19,104 --> 00:57:21,231
Aagh!
1151
00:57:22,441 --> 00:57:24,192
- Aah!
- Ooh.
1152
00:57:24,276 --> 00:57:27,696
Ah. Oh, my ass!
1153
00:57:31,283 --> 00:57:33,577
Sure you don't want
to get out of here?
1154
00:57:33,660 --> 00:57:35,537
And become a fugitive?
Are you nuts?
1155
00:57:35,621 --> 00:57:37,956
- The guy has all my information.
- So what?
1156
00:57:38,040 --> 00:57:40,059
We'll just take what he
wrote down about you and leave.
1157
00:57:40,083 --> 00:57:41,477
Unless you want
to stay here all night
1158
00:57:41,501 --> 00:57:43,545
and not be able to
turn in your work tomorrow.
1159
00:57:47,966 --> 00:57:49,217
Fine, hurry up.
1160
00:57:49,301 --> 00:57:52,137
Yes! All right,
we gotta find keys.
1161
00:57:52,220 --> 00:57:54,514
Oh, yes!
1162
00:57:54,598 --> 00:57:56,826
Sweet! I was hoping it would
be one of these big ring of keys.
1163
00:57:56,850 --> 00:57:59,227
- Kumar, hurry the fuck up.
- All right, yeah.
1164
00:58:00,395 --> 00:58:01,563
Uh...
1165
00:58:04,149 --> 00:58:05,734
Aha!
1166
00:58:05,817 --> 00:58:07,069
- Yes!
- Dude!
1167
00:58:09,321 --> 00:58:11,466
- Hey, what's that smell?
- What smell? What are you...
1168
00:58:12,908 --> 00:58:14,242
Kumar.
1169
00:59:09,881 --> 00:59:13,802
Bitch! Learn how to fuckin'
make coffee, you fuckin' whore!
1170
00:59:16,221 --> 00:59:18,223
I love you. Shh.
1171
00:59:18,306 --> 00:59:19,641
No, no, no, no, no.
1172
00:59:20,809 --> 00:59:22,769
No, baby, come on.
1173
00:59:23,979 --> 00:59:26,982
Hey, Kumar. Kumar!
Where you...
1174
00:59:27,065 --> 00:59:29,192
Kumar!
Still in jail, asshole!
1175
00:59:29,276 --> 00:59:30,610
Come here!
1176
00:59:34,364 --> 00:59:35,365
Kumar! The cops are...
1177
00:59:35,449 --> 00:59:37,367
You thought you'd
get away with it, huh?
1178
00:59:37,451 --> 00:59:40,203
I was in bed.
I didn't fire any gun. I swear.
1179
00:59:41,413 --> 00:59:43,707
Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!
1180
00:59:43,790 --> 00:59:45,834
What are you talking about?
I'm just sitting here.
1181
00:59:45,917 --> 00:59:47,186
He's trying to break free!
Get him!
1182
00:59:47,210 --> 00:59:49,588
- Aw, shit.
- Don't move!
1183
00:59:51,465 --> 00:59:53,675
Stop resisting!
We need backup now!
1184
00:59:53,759 --> 00:59:55,737
- He's got a gun.
- That's not a gun, that's a book.
1185
00:59:55,761 --> 00:59:57,679
- Okay. Secure the book!
- Book is secure.
1186
00:59:57,763 --> 01:00:01,475
You bring this filth in here?
What is this shit?
1187
01:00:01,558 --> 01:00:04,038
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
We gotta do something about this.
1188
01:00:04,102 --> 01:00:06,038
We're gonna teach you
how to read now, brother.
1189
01:00:06,062 --> 01:00:07,147
Ah.
1190
01:00:07,230 --> 01:00:09,524
If I were you, I'd leave
as soon as possible.
1191
01:00:09,608 --> 01:00:11,448
- Okay, whose hand is that?
- Thanks, man.
1192
01:00:21,286 --> 01:00:24,539
Jesus Christ.
Thanks for getting me out, man.
1193
01:00:24,623 --> 01:00:28,668
No problem, man. Hey, the burgers wouldn't
taste as good if you weren't there.
1194
01:00:28,752 --> 01:00:30,086
Hey, look at this.
1195
01:00:30,170 --> 01:00:34,007
It's like we went from being
completely poor to being millionaires.
1196
01:00:35,759 --> 01:00:38,053
- What was that?
- Probably just a coyote.
1197
01:00:38,136 --> 01:00:40,013
Aren't people supposed to
be scared of coyotes?
1198
01:00:40,096 --> 01:00:41,616
No, no, that's just
'cause they sound scary, man.
1199
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:44,768
In one-on-one combat, either of us
could take down a coyote, no problem.
1200
01:00:44,851 --> 01:00:46,228
What?
1201
01:00:46,311 --> 01:00:48,438
Aah!
1202
01:00:49,439 --> 01:00:51,191
Now, cheetahs are another story.
1203
01:00:53,819 --> 01:00:55,838
- We're gonna die.
- No, now... now hold on. Hold on.
1204
01:00:55,862 --> 01:00:57,381
Cheetahs are used to
eating gazelles and shit.
1205
01:00:57,405 --> 01:00:58,805
They're not known
for eating humans.
1206
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:02,577
That is a corpse.
We're gonna die.
1207
01:01:02,661 --> 01:01:03,954
Shit!
That's not a good sign.
1208
01:01:04,037 --> 01:01:07,207
Maybe if we just stay really,
really still, he'll just go away.
1209
01:01:07,290 --> 01:01:08,291
Okay.
1210
01:01:09,334 --> 01:01:11,127
Just stay really still.
Don't move, okay?
1211
01:01:11,211 --> 01:01:12,355
- Just stay right there.
- Okay.
1212
01:01:12,379 --> 01:01:13,380
Very good. Good job.
1213
01:01:13,463 --> 01:01:15,090
This isn't working.
1214
01:01:17,843 --> 01:01:19,094
Oh! Whoa, oh!
1215
01:01:19,177 --> 01:01:21,596
Aah! He's mauling me!
He's mauling me!
1216
01:01:21,680 --> 01:01:25,141
Aah! Aaah!
Aaaaah! Ah.
1217
01:01:25,225 --> 01:01:26,226
Ah. Ah.
1218
01:01:26,309 --> 01:01:28,979
Dude, I told you not
to bring the beef jerky.
1219
01:01:29,062 --> 01:01:30,063
Ah!
1220
01:01:39,489 --> 01:01:41,157
He likes me.
1221
01:01:43,702 --> 01:01:45,912
Hey, Rold, I have an idea.
1222
01:01:47,789 --> 01:01:51,209
- You gotta be kidding me, man.
- Uh-uh.
1223
01:01:56,256 --> 01:01:58,341
This is either a really smart move
1224
01:01:58,425 --> 01:02:01,136
or by far the stupidest thing
that we have ever tried.
1225
01:02:01,219 --> 01:02:03,430
Well, we're about to find out.
1226
01:02:04,556 --> 01:02:05,599
Mush!
1227
01:02:07,267 --> 01:02:08,935
I told you this was...
1228
01:02:10,896 --> 01:02:12,647
- Whoa! Whoa!
- Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
1229
01:02:18,278 --> 01:02:19,279
Oy vey!
1230
01:02:21,740 --> 01:02:25,994
Dude, am I really high,
or is this actually working?
1231
01:02:26,077 --> 01:02:28,580
- Both!
- This is awesome!
1232
01:02:28,663 --> 01:02:30,373
We're gonna be
at White Castle in no time!
1233
01:02:30,457 --> 01:02:31,458
Aah!
1234
01:02:31,541 --> 01:02:32,876
That was close, huh, Roldy?
1235
01:02:37,923 --> 01:02:41,301
Harold.
I need you, Harold.
1236
01:02:49,559 --> 01:02:51,770
I need you, Harold.
1237
01:02:52,270 --> 01:02:53,855
Come here.
1238
01:02:53,939 --> 01:02:56,358
- Come here, Harold.
- Maria.
1239
01:02:56,441 --> 01:02:58,777
- Come, Harold.
- I'm coming, baby!
1240
01:02:59,778 --> 01:03:02,322
I want you to hold me.
Papi, I need you.
1241
01:03:02,447 --> 01:03:05,241
Baby, I'm a-comin'!
1242
01:03:05,742 --> 01:03:06,742
Not so fast.
1243
01:03:10,163 --> 01:03:11,331
Kyah!
1244
01:03:13,249 --> 01:03:14,249
Oh!
1245
01:03:14,292 --> 01:03:19,589
Bullets... my only weakness.
How did you know?
1246
01:03:20,757 --> 01:03:22,217
Harold.
1247
01:03:22,300 --> 01:03:23,593
Maria.
1248
01:03:42,195 --> 01:03:43,738
Maria, stop...
1249
01:03:45,824 --> 01:03:48,910
Aah! Aah! Aah!
What the... what...
1250
01:03:48,994 --> 01:03:51,913
What the hell
are you doing? God!
1251
01:03:51,997 --> 01:03:53,873
You've been out cold
for the past half-hour.
1252
01:03:53,957 --> 01:03:56,126
I figured maybe if I did
some gay shit you'd wake up.
1253
01:03:56,209 --> 01:03:58,461
If we did some gay shit?
What kinda... where are we?
1254
01:03:59,462 --> 01:04:01,524
Didn't we come here on a cheetah?
Where's the cheetah?
1255
01:04:01,548 --> 01:04:03,758
It ran away. Listen, forget
about the cheetah, okay?
1256
01:04:03,842 --> 01:04:06,094
I have some bad news
and some worse news.
1257
01:04:06,177 --> 01:04:07,929
All right,
give me the worse news first.
1258
01:04:08,013 --> 01:04:09,490
I looked at some
of the road signs up there,
1259
01:04:09,514 --> 01:04:11,826
and it looks like the cheetah
took us in the wrong direction.
1260
01:04:11,850 --> 01:04:14,019
- Shit!
- Yeah.
1261
01:04:14,185 --> 01:04:15,645
- Shit!
- Yeah.
1262
01:04:15,729 --> 01:04:18,398
That's...
All right, what's the bad news?
1263
01:04:18,481 --> 01:04:20,316
Your laptop's completely destroyed.
1264
01:04:20,400 --> 01:04:21,776
What?
1265
01:04:21,860 --> 01:04:25,155
Why didn't...
Why didn't you tell me...
1266
01:04:25,238 --> 01:04:27,991
That was the wor... how is that
not the worse news?
1267
01:04:28,074 --> 01:04:30,052
Well, the laptop situation
really only affects you,
1268
01:04:30,076 --> 01:04:34,039
whereas the, uh, White Castle
situation affects both of us equally. So...
1269
01:04:35,457 --> 01:04:38,793
Oh! you...
Oh, oh, no! Oh, no!
1270
01:04:38,877 --> 01:04:41,629
All my work was saved
on this computer.
1271
01:04:41,713 --> 01:04:43,757
Now I gotta go back
to the office and redo it.
1272
01:04:43,840 --> 01:04:44,859
Exactly.
First we'll go to White Castle...
1273
01:04:44,883 --> 01:04:46,926
Forget about White Castle.
There is no time.
1274
01:04:48,094 --> 01:04:49,095
Car.
1275
01:04:55,393 --> 01:04:57,228
Hello. Oh, wait!
1276
01:05:00,023 --> 01:05:01,023
Holy shit!
1277
01:05:10,241 --> 01:05:12,077
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
1278
01:05:23,546 --> 01:05:25,006
Whoa.
1279
01:05:26,633 --> 01:05:27,759
Yeah. Um...
1280
01:05:28,927 --> 01:05:31,221
All right, we'll...
We'll get a pay phone,
1281
01:05:31,304 --> 01:05:33,598
get a cab back
to your office, all right?
1282
01:05:34,849 --> 01:05:36,476
Come on. You all right?
1283
01:05:46,152 --> 01:05:48,192
- Hey, check this out, dude.
- Oh, yeah, nice.
1284
01:05:48,696 --> 01:05:49,697
Whoo!
1285
01:05:51,032 --> 01:05:52,367
Oh, hey, Apu!
1286
01:05:52,450 --> 01:05:54,869
Jesus. These guys
are frickin' everywhere.
1287
01:05:54,953 --> 01:05:57,056
Who's looking after the Kwik-E-Mart
while you're gone, huh?
1288
01:05:57,080 --> 01:06:00,208
Aw, you two going
to share a curry Slurpee?
1289
01:06:00,291 --> 01:06:01,751
Fucking assholes.
1290
01:06:02,293 --> 01:06:04,671
Dude, check it out.
It's Rosenberg and Goldstein.
1291
01:06:09,759 --> 01:06:10,927
I want that.
1292
01:06:11,010 --> 01:06:12,887
What, a Hot Dog Heaven
super chili cheese dog?
1293
01:06:12,971 --> 01:06:15,723
No. I want that feeling.
1294
01:06:15,807 --> 01:06:17,976
The feeling that comes over a man
1295
01:06:18,059 --> 01:06:20,270
when he gets
exactly what he desires.
1296
01:06:20,353 --> 01:06:22,230
I need that feeling.
1297
01:06:22,313 --> 01:06:23,953
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?
1298
01:06:24,023 --> 01:06:26,317
- We gotta go to White Castle.
- Yes, yes!
1299
01:06:26,401 --> 01:06:28,027
I knew you had it in you, dude.
1300
01:06:29,154 --> 01:06:30,530
Yo, is that Cindy Kim?
1301
01:06:32,490 --> 01:06:34,284
- Aah!
- Ho, ho.
1302
01:06:34,367 --> 01:06:37,704
Oh, dude, you should've boned her
when you had the chance, man.
1303
01:06:37,787 --> 01:06:39,581
- Check it out.
- Yeah.
1304
01:06:43,459 --> 01:06:45,086
Why don't you guys just leave us alone?
1305
01:06:45,170 --> 01:06:47,106
What are you gonna
do about it, Mr. Miyagi, huh? Huh?
1306
01:06:47,130 --> 01:06:49,632
Huh? Wa-tah... wa-tah! Ho!
1307
01:06:49,716 --> 01:06:51,718
Yeah!
That's extreme, man!
1308
01:06:52,302 --> 01:06:54,179
There's no sense
getting all riled up
1309
01:06:54,262 --> 01:06:57,515
every time a bunch of idiots
give you a hard time.
1310
01:06:57,599 --> 01:07:01,394
The universe tends
to unfold as it should.
1311
01:07:02,937 --> 01:07:03,938
Nothing.
1312
01:07:05,857 --> 01:07:08,097
- Fucking extreme!
- I'm so sick of their bullshit.
1313
01:07:09,694 --> 01:07:13,239
Don't worry. The universe
tends to unfold as it should.
1314
01:07:13,323 --> 01:07:15,992
What is that, some fortune cookie?
1315
01:07:17,577 --> 01:07:21,247
Hey, I got a plan.
Follow my lead, okay?
1316
01:07:21,331 --> 01:07:23,082
- Your lead?
- Yeah.
1317
01:07:23,166 --> 01:07:24,584
Okay.
1318
01:07:24,667 --> 01:07:27,754
Whoa, what are you doing?
Oh, shit!
1319
01:07:30,757 --> 01:07:31,799
Whoa! Whoa!
1320
01:07:31,883 --> 01:07:33,134
Those pricks!
1321
01:07:33,218 --> 01:07:35,428
- This is your plan?
- It's working, isn't it?
1322
01:07:37,680 --> 01:07:39,807
Come on! Come on, gang!
Get 'em, man!
1323
01:07:39,891 --> 01:07:41,684
- Jack-offs!
- My truck!
1324
01:07:44,437 --> 01:07:46,439
Thank you, come again.
1325
01:07:51,736 --> 01:07:54,656
Dude, that was so not extreme.
1326
01:07:54,739 --> 01:07:57,325
I know, Extreme Sport Punk
Number One.
1327
01:08:00,745 --> 01:08:02,330
I know.
1328
01:08:02,413 --> 01:08:03,933
Let's find us some tunes, baby.
1329
01:08:03,957 --> 01:08:07,335
"Cole's Extreme Mix, Volume 5"?
What is this shit?
1330
01:08:11,923 --> 01:08:15,385
Those guys are fuckin' posers.
1331
01:09:22,702 --> 01:09:24,912
Hmm. Bingo.
1332
01:09:24,996 --> 01:09:28,291
Yeah, dude! Cherry Hill, man.
We're almost there.
1333
01:09:28,374 --> 01:09:29,751
I told you, man!
1334
01:09:29,834 --> 01:09:32,154
I found 'em, and I'm gonna need backup.
1335
01:09:32,211 --> 01:09:34,422
- Oh, shit.
- Shit.
1336
01:09:34,505 --> 01:09:37,133
Fudge, dude.
Are you kidding me?
1337
01:09:37,842 --> 01:09:41,012
- What the hell are you doing?
- I'm not going back to jail, man.
1338
01:09:41,095 --> 01:09:43,931
We've come too far.
Now buckle up. Buckle up!
1339
01:09:45,683 --> 01:09:47,894
We got a chase on our hands.
1340
01:09:49,354 --> 01:09:51,105
- Ready?
- Yeah. For what?
1341
01:09:51,189 --> 01:09:52,982
- This!
- Oh, shit!
1342
01:09:55,526 --> 01:09:58,279
- Where the fuck you takin' us, dude?
- Hold on.
1343
01:10:03,201 --> 01:10:04,869
What the...?
1344
01:10:08,873 --> 01:10:11,626
It's a good thing I have an empty
stomach or else I'd puke right now.
1345
01:10:15,880 --> 01:10:17,632
We're gonna make it.
1346
01:10:18,633 --> 01:10:20,551
Everything's gonna be all ri...
1347
01:10:22,053 --> 01:10:24,472
Oh, my God!
1348
01:10:24,555 --> 01:10:25,807
- Whoa!
- Oh!
1349
01:10:25,890 --> 01:10:27,350
Oh, shit. Holy shit.
1350
01:10:27,433 --> 01:10:29,977
- Put her in reverse. Hurry!
- Shit!
1351
01:10:30,061 --> 01:10:31,979
Let's go out the back.
I'll go first.
1352
01:10:32,063 --> 01:10:34,816
- Don't shake the car!
- Well, hurry up!
1353
01:10:34,899 --> 01:10:35,983
Ow!
1354
01:10:36,067 --> 01:10:37,527
Oof!
1355
01:10:42,490 --> 01:10:43,991
Hey, Roldy, check it out.
1356
01:10:56,587 --> 01:10:58,756
Shit, shit!
We're trapped, man!
1357
01:11:02,427 --> 01:11:05,096
Whoa. Not necessarily.
1358
01:11:06,097 --> 01:11:07,682
No.
1359
01:11:07,765 --> 01:11:10,101
No, not a chance.
I'd rather turn myself in than die.
1360
01:11:10,184 --> 01:11:11,578
Oh, no, dude, I know
exactly how to do that.
1361
01:11:11,602 --> 01:11:13,705
I used to do it with my dad
all the time when I was a kid.
1362
01:11:13,729 --> 01:11:16,566
Forget it! I'm not risking my life
over a bunch of hamburgers, man.
1363
01:11:16,649 --> 01:11:18,901
Okay, so you think this is
just about the burgers, huh?
1364
01:11:19,944 --> 01:11:23,322
Let me tell you,
it's about far more than that.
1365
01:11:25,158 --> 01:11:27,118
Our parents came to this country,
1366
01:11:27,201 --> 01:11:30,580
escaping persecution,
poverty, and hunger.
1367
01:11:32,081 --> 01:11:33,916
Hunger, Harold.
1368
01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:36,419
They were very, very hungry.
1369
01:11:38,004 --> 01:11:40,715
They wanted to live in a land
that treated them as equals,
1370
01:11:40,798 --> 01:11:42,842
a land filled with hamburger stands.
1371
01:11:42,925 --> 01:11:44,927
And not just
one type of hamburger, okay?
1372
01:11:45,011 --> 01:11:48,639
Hundreds of types with different
sizes, toppings, and condiments.
1373
01:11:49,640 --> 01:11:52,185
That land was America.
1374
01:11:53,186 --> 01:11:56,481
America, Harold! America!
1375
01:11:57,648 --> 01:12:01,319
Now, this is about achieving
what our parents set out for.
1376
01:12:01,402 --> 01:12:04,572
This is about the pursuit
of happiness.
1377
01:12:04,655 --> 01:12:06,574
This night...
1378
01:12:06,657 --> 01:12:08,159
is about the American dream.
1379
01:12:16,000 --> 01:12:18,085
Dude, we can stay here,
get arrested,
1380
01:12:18,169 --> 01:12:21,088
and end our hopes of ever
going to White Castle.
1381
01:12:21,172 --> 01:12:25,009
Or we can take that hang glider
and make our leap towards freedom.
1382
01:12:25,092 --> 01:12:27,386
I leave the decision up to you.
1383
01:12:30,223 --> 01:12:32,016
I hate you, Kumar.
1384
01:12:33,518 --> 01:12:35,228
Tilt forward.
1385
01:12:35,311 --> 01:12:36,312
- Roldy.
- What?
1386
01:12:36,395 --> 01:12:38,165
- Don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine.
- All right.
1387
01:12:41,859 --> 01:12:43,545
- Good job, Rold. Keep running.
- Thank you.
1388
01:12:43,569 --> 01:12:45,780
Hey, Roldy, there's something
I forgot to tell you.
1389
01:12:45,863 --> 01:12:46,864
What?
1390
01:12:46,948 --> 01:12:48,824
- I've never hang-glided before.
- What?!
1391
01:12:48,908 --> 01:12:52,995
Jump!
1392
01:12:58,543 --> 01:12:59,544
Oh, my God!
1393
01:12:59,627 --> 01:13:01,504
- Dude, it's working!
- Oh, my God!
1394
01:13:01,587 --> 01:13:03,548
Yeah!
1395
01:13:04,090 --> 01:13:05,258
Good news.
1396
01:13:05,341 --> 01:13:07,635
I just found enough dope in the car
1397
01:13:07,718 --> 01:13:11,097
to put these skateboard punks
in jail for the next couple of years.
1398
01:13:13,474 --> 01:13:16,894
- Dude, we're so high right now.
- We're not low.
1399
01:13:24,068 --> 01:13:26,779
All right, I'm bringing her in.
Right, left, left.
1400
01:13:26,862 --> 01:13:28,614
Nice! Perfect!
1401
01:13:29,615 --> 01:13:31,784
Shit!
1402
01:13:43,588 --> 01:13:45,172
God!
1403
01:13:45,256 --> 01:13:46,591
- I'm gonna kill you!
- Oh! Oh!
1404
01:13:59,979 --> 01:14:01,439
We made it, dude.
1405
01:14:19,415 --> 01:14:21,334
Looks like you guys
had some night, huh?
1406
01:14:21,417 --> 01:14:24,670
I want thirty Slyders, five French fries,
and four large Cherry Cokes.
1407
01:14:24,754 --> 01:14:28,674
I want the same, except
make mine Diet Cokes, Chuck.
1408
01:14:28,758 --> 01:14:32,637
Wow. Uh, well,
that comes to $46.75.
1409
01:14:34,889 --> 01:14:37,892
- Dude, where's my money? Hey.
- You don't have money?
1410
01:14:37,975 --> 01:14:39,255
- Dude, are you kidding me?
- No.
1411
01:14:39,310 --> 01:14:41,354
I gave mine
to that asshole at Princeton.
1412
01:14:41,437 --> 01:14:44,565
Fuck! Fuck that hippie fuck!
No! Dude, this isn't happening!
1413
01:14:44,649 --> 01:14:46,335
We didn't make it here,
and now we're broke!
1414
01:14:46,359 --> 01:14:47,610
No, no, no, no!
1415
01:14:47,693 --> 01:14:50,905
Hey, guys, let me pay for it.
It's the least I can do.
1416
01:14:50,988 --> 01:14:52,299
What the hell are you doing here?
1417
01:14:52,323 --> 01:14:54,217
You guys kept talking about
White Castle last night so much,
1418
01:14:54,241 --> 01:14:56,035
it made me start to crave it too.
1419
01:14:56,118 --> 01:14:58,454
- Dude, where's my car?
- Where's his car, dude?
1420
01:14:58,537 --> 01:15:02,041
Yeah, sorry about that.
I told you last night I was tripping balls.
1421
01:15:02,124 --> 01:15:03,626
I don't know what came over me.
1422
01:15:03,709 --> 01:15:05,479
Your car's in the parking lot.
Here are your keys.
1423
01:15:05,503 --> 01:15:08,631
Do you realize what the hell we had
to go through after you took the car?
1424
01:15:08,714 --> 01:15:11,509
Yeah. It was a dick move
on my part.
1425
01:15:11,592 --> 01:15:14,095
That's why I'm paying
for your meal.
1426
01:15:14,178 --> 01:15:15,178
Prick.
1427
01:15:15,221 --> 01:15:16,597
Thanks, I guess.
1428
01:15:16,681 --> 01:15:21,727
Here's 50 bucks for the burgers
and 200 for the car.
1429
01:15:22,937 --> 01:15:24,230
What happened to my car?
1430
01:15:24,313 --> 01:15:27,483
I made some love stains
in the back seat.
1431
01:15:27,566 --> 01:15:29,318
You'll see.
1432
01:15:32,029 --> 01:15:34,115
Anyway, nice meeting you guys.
I'll catch you later.
1433
01:15:34,699 --> 01:15:35,908
Where you going?
1434
01:15:37,368 --> 01:15:39,120
Wherever God takes me.
1435
01:15:53,551 --> 01:15:56,637
Oh... oh, ho ho.
1436
01:15:56,721 --> 01:15:58,597
Hey, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
1437
01:15:58,681 --> 01:15:59,682
Let's do this together.
1438
01:16:36,927 --> 01:16:38,512
Damn, that hit the spot.
1439
01:16:38,596 --> 01:16:41,515
- That was the best meal of my life.
- Mine too.
1440
01:16:41,599 --> 01:16:43,142
You know what, dude?
1441
01:16:43,225 --> 01:16:45,519
I think I may actually go
to my interview today.
1442
01:16:45,603 --> 01:16:46,687
Are you serious?
1443
01:16:46,771 --> 01:16:48,290
You know, my whole life
I've just been scared
1444
01:16:48,314 --> 01:16:50,441
of being one of those nerdy
Indian-guys-turned-doctor,
1445
01:16:50,524 --> 01:16:52,124
but tonight got me thinking,
and, I mean,
1446
01:16:52,151 --> 01:16:53,920
there are far worse things
in this world than being tapped
1447
01:16:53,944 --> 01:16:56,572
for having natural ability in medicine.
1448
01:16:59,408 --> 01:17:02,411
Plus, how cool was that,
saving that dude's life last night, man?
1449
01:17:02,495 --> 01:17:05,331
I think it was somewhere between that,
getting yelled at by my dad,
1450
01:17:05,414 --> 01:17:06,874
and seeing Neil Patrick Harris
1451
01:17:06,957 --> 01:17:09,060
that I realized that I've
always wanted to be a doctor.
1452
01:17:09,084 --> 01:17:10,645
I've just been too scared
to admit it to myself.
1453
01:17:10,669 --> 01:17:11,772
Hey, Billy,
you paying for this?
1454
01:17:11,796 --> 01:17:12,856
Uh, yeah, yeah,
I'll be there in a minute.
1455
01:17:12,880 --> 01:17:14,107
That's good, 'cause if he wasn't...
1456
01:17:14,131 --> 01:17:15,150
you would!
1457
01:17:15,174 --> 01:17:18,010
Yo, are you listening to me, Roldy?
I'm having a major epiphany here.
1458
01:17:18,093 --> 01:17:19,720
I'll be right back.
1459
01:17:19,804 --> 01:17:21,615
You're unlike any other woman
I've ever met in my life.
1460
01:17:21,639 --> 01:17:23,974
What the fuck is going on here?
1461
01:17:24,975 --> 01:17:27,937
Harold? What happened to you, man?
What are... what are you doing...
1462
01:17:28,020 --> 01:17:30,189
Never mind me.
What the fuck are
you doing here?
1463
01:17:30,272 --> 01:17:32,459
I thought you and J.D.
were busy all night with clients.
1464
01:17:32,483 --> 01:17:33,919
Isn't that why I had to do your work?
1465
01:17:33,943 --> 01:17:36,213
- Hey, Henry, what the hell's going on here?
- Back off, cock boy.
1466
01:17:36,237 --> 01:17:37,547
What I said to him goes double for you.
1467
01:17:37,571 --> 01:17:39,090
Cock boy?
Did you just call me cock boy?
1468
01:17:39,114 --> 01:17:40,114
Yeah, you know I did.
1469
01:17:40,157 --> 01:17:42,636
You're just stalling because you're not
quick enough to think of a comeback.
1470
01:17:42,660 --> 01:17:45,138
You think I'm not quick enough.
Guy thinks I'm not quick enough.
1471
01:17:45,162 --> 01:17:47,873
Well, I've got news for you.
I
am quick enough...
1472
01:17:51,335 --> 01:17:52,670
cock boy!
1473
01:17:55,089 --> 01:17:56,632
Listen, Harold, I'm really sorry.
1474
01:17:56,715 --> 01:17:59,152
Don't bother with him. We'll take it up
with Berenson tomorrow.
1475
01:17:59,176 --> 01:18:00,928
What are you gonna tell Berenson?
1476
01:18:01,011 --> 01:18:03,055
That I'm your workhorse?
1477
01:18:03,138 --> 01:18:05,850
That you guys think
you can party all weekend,
1478
01:18:05,933 --> 01:18:07,977
leave the work to
the quiet Asian guy in the office?
1479
01:18:08,060 --> 01:18:11,272
- No, no, no, you don't understand.
- No, no, no, no, no,
you don't understand.
1480
01:18:11,355 --> 01:18:14,692
I'm not doing
your work for you anymore.
1481
01:18:14,775 --> 01:18:16,944
And if either one of you douchebags
1482
01:18:17,027 --> 01:18:19,071
ever tries to pull this shit again,
1483
01:18:19,154 --> 01:18:20,573
I'll go to Berenson myself.
1484
01:18:20,656 --> 01:18:22,616
I'll tell him what's really going on.
1485
01:18:22,700 --> 01:18:24,326
And I'll tell the whole office
1486
01:18:24,410 --> 01:18:27,830
how you both caught gonorrhea
from that prostitute in Atlantic City.
1487
01:18:29,123 --> 01:18:31,792
Now, If you'll excuse me, boys,
I gotta get going. Kumar.
1488
01:18:33,377 --> 01:18:35,588
See you boys at the office on Monday.
1489
01:18:35,671 --> 01:18:36,964
Excuse me.
1490
01:18:37,047 --> 01:18:38,132
Uhh!
1491
01:18:43,888 --> 01:18:46,640
Dude, that was awesome!
Where the hell did that come from?
1492
01:18:46,724 --> 01:18:47,725
I don't know.
1493
01:18:47,808 --> 01:18:50,477
Eating those delicious burgers
made me feel like a new man.
1494
01:18:50,561 --> 01:18:51,663
You know what?
1495
01:18:51,687 --> 01:18:54,040
Now I'm actually looking forward
to going to work this week.
1496
01:18:54,064 --> 01:18:57,484
No shit. You know,
you might be worthwhile after all.
1497
01:18:57,568 --> 01:18:58,652
I'm not worthless.
1498
01:18:58,736 --> 01:19:02,489
Hey, um... so those dudes
really have gonorrhea?
1499
01:19:02,573 --> 01:19:03,824
Beats me.
1500
01:19:05,826 --> 01:19:07,828
Hey.
1501
01:19:07,912 --> 01:19:08,913
Let's get going.
1502
01:19:08,996 --> 01:19:10,348
What's the rush, dude?
1503
01:19:10,372 --> 01:19:11,892
I don't have my interview
for a couple of hours.
1504
01:19:11,916 --> 01:19:14,168
I got some unfinished business
to take care of.
1505
01:19:14,251 --> 01:19:15,604
I thought those guys
were gonna do the work.
1506
01:19:15,628 --> 01:19:18,547
No, no, no, unfinished business.
1507
01:19:18,631 --> 01:19:20,883
- Maria.
- Still not following you.
1508
01:19:20,966 --> 01:19:22,009
Get in!
1509
01:19:28,557 --> 01:19:29,975
So you don't even have a plan.
1510
01:19:30,059 --> 01:19:33,187
Dude, I got love on my side, man.
1511
01:19:33,270 --> 01:19:34,396
Trust me.
1512
01:19:34,480 --> 01:19:37,900
When I see Maria, I'm gonna
know exactly what to say.
1513
01:19:43,489 --> 01:19:44,907
- Hey.
- Hey.
1514
01:19:44,990 --> 01:19:47,826
Looks like you guys
have had some night.
1515
01:19:51,830 --> 01:19:55,459
Shit. You know what? I... yeah.
I left my lighter in your car.
1516
01:19:55,542 --> 01:19:57,437
Do me a favor and run down
and get it for me, please?
1517
01:19:57,461 --> 01:19:59,129
I... I... I gotta urinate.
1518
01:20:09,348 --> 01:20:10,849
Oh.
1519
01:20:19,692 --> 01:20:22,069
Sure got a lot of baggage.
1520
01:20:33,831 --> 01:20:35,249
Uh, Maria, wait.
1521
01:20:35,332 --> 01:20:37,352
Okay, I know this is gonna seem
completely out of the blue,
1522
01:20:37,376 --> 01:20:40,587
and I know you don't know me
very well... or, um, at all.
1523
01:20:40,671 --> 01:20:42,607
But let me tell you what
the best part of my day is.
1524
01:20:42,631 --> 01:20:45,092
I come home from work
and I walk through this lobby,
1525
01:20:45,175 --> 01:20:46,760
and on days that I'm lucky enough,
1526
01:20:46,844 --> 01:20:50,597
I spend ten seconds
in this elevator with you.
1527
01:20:50,681 --> 01:20:52,766
I had the craziest night
of my life tonight,
1528
01:20:52,850 --> 01:20:55,978
and I guess I learned that
if you want something or someone,
1529
01:20:56,061 --> 01:20:57,271
you have to go for it.
1530
01:20:59,481 --> 01:21:01,775
And if Liane can
marry a guy like Freakshow
1531
01:21:01,859 --> 01:21:04,653
and I can hang-glide
and I can... and I can ride a cheetah,
1532
01:21:04,737 --> 01:21:06,321
then I guess...
1533
01:21:07,322 --> 01:21:08,322
Oh, fuck it.
1534
01:21:12,453 --> 01:21:14,788
Give me a minute.
This is crazy.
1535
01:21:14,872 --> 01:21:16,915
- That was... I'm sorry.
- I don't even know you.
1536
01:21:16,999 --> 01:21:18,959
I had White Castle,
so I'm a little, uh, dizzy.
1537
01:21:19,043 --> 01:21:22,171
- We don't ever speak.
- We don't talk, so that was inappropriate.
1538
01:21:22,254 --> 01:21:23,505
Oh, fuck it.
1539
01:21:34,933 --> 01:21:39,813
Whoo. Okay.
1540
01:21:39,897 --> 01:21:41,857
Now you just have to work
on your timing.
1541
01:21:41,940 --> 01:21:43,859
- Where are you going?
- Amsterdam.
1542
01:21:43,942 --> 01:21:47,112
I'll be back in ten days.
But I'll see you when I get back?
1543
01:21:47,196 --> 01:21:49,198
Yeah, let's do that.
1544
01:21:49,281 --> 01:21:50,574
Yeah.
1545
01:21:56,038 --> 01:21:57,498
Bye, Harold.
1546
01:22:00,084 --> 01:22:01,877
Uh, bye. Bye.
I'll see you later.
1547
01:22:03,253 --> 01:22:05,172
- She touch your penis?
- What?
1548
01:22:05,255 --> 01:22:06,441
All right, well, what happened?
What happened?
1549
01:22:06,465 --> 01:22:11,386
Uh, nothing much, really.
Just, um, just a little kiss action.
1550
01:22:11,470 --> 01:22:13,097
Nice. Nice!
1551
01:22:13,180 --> 01:22:15,724
Yeah. She's going to Amsterdam.
She'll be back in ten days.
1552
01:22:15,808 --> 01:22:17,643
Whoa, whoa, whoa, we gotta go.
1553
01:22:17,726 --> 01:22:19,269
- Where?
- Amsterdam, man.
1554
01:22:19,353 --> 01:22:20,646
We gotta get our bags packed...
1555
01:22:20,729 --> 01:22:22,916
- Amsterdam?
- And frickin' take the next flight out. Yes!
1556
01:22:22,940 --> 01:22:25,085
Are you freaking out of your mind?
What about your interview?
1557
01:22:25,109 --> 01:22:27,069
Dude, whatever.
I'll tell my dad to reschedule it.
1558
01:22:27,152 --> 01:22:29,832
He won't have a problem as long as
I take it seriously for a change.
1559
01:22:29,863 --> 01:22:32,908
We gotta freakin'
go to Europe and find Maria.
1560
01:22:32,991 --> 01:22:35,035
Dude, she's coming back
in ten days.
1561
01:22:35,119 --> 01:22:36,805
It's not like I'm never
gonna see her again.
1562
01:22:36,829 --> 01:22:38,080
Listen, for a hot chick,
1563
01:22:38,163 --> 01:22:40,124
ten days in Europe
can be the kiss of death, okay?
1564
01:22:40,207 --> 01:22:43,293
She's gonna have all these suave,
sophisticated guys all over her.
1565
01:22:43,377 --> 01:22:45,337
When she gets back,
she may not be available.
1566
01:22:45,420 --> 01:22:47,881
Forget it. I'll see her
when she comes back.
1567
01:22:47,965 --> 01:22:49,133
Hey, Roldy.
1568
01:22:50,676 --> 01:22:52,803
You do realize what's legal
in Amsterdam, don't you?
1569
01:22:56,306 --> 01:22:57,516
Oh, yeah.
1570
01:23:04,648 --> 01:23:07,401
In today's headlines,
Rutgers professor Tarik Jackson
1571
01:23:07,484 --> 01:23:10,320
and attorney Nathaniel Banks
are suing the state of New Jersey
1572
01:23:10,404 --> 01:23:12,906
for racial discrimination
and police brutality.
1573
01:23:12,990 --> 01:23:15,409
My family and I are outraged
1574
01:23:15,492 --> 01:23:17,911
and will settle for
nothing less than justice.
1575
01:23:17,995 --> 01:23:21,748
I still trust and love
all white people, all of them.
1576
01:23:22,749 --> 01:23:24,751
And Asians.
And Asians.
1577
01:23:24,835 --> 01:23:26,587
And a few Mexicans as well.
1578
01:23:26,670 --> 01:23:29,089
Several of the officers
suspected of brutality
1579
01:23:29,173 --> 01:23:31,466
were taken into custody
earlier this morning.
1580
01:23:31,550 --> 01:23:33,695
I'm not a ... in' racist,
you mother...!
1581
01:23:33,719 --> 01:23:37,556
No black mother... gonna get away
with this, so all y'all. Okay?
1582
01:23:37,639 --> 01:23:39,224
You can suck my.
1583
01:23:39,308 --> 01:23:40,618
Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey,
1584
01:23:40,642 --> 01:23:42,603
have just arrested
a gang of hooligans
1585
01:23:42,686 --> 01:23:45,898
who are suspected of terrorizing
numerous strip malls
1586
01:23:45,981 --> 01:23:47,107
and convenience stores.
1587
01:23:47,191 --> 01:23:49,568
Officer Thurmond Brucks
found their abandoned car,
1588
01:23:49,651 --> 01:23:52,446
which contained a large bag
of marijuana.
1589
01:23:52,529 --> 01:23:54,823
And in other news,
the Muckleburg Police Department
1590
01:23:54,907 --> 01:23:56,408
are still looking for a fugitive
1591
01:23:56,491 --> 01:23:58,660
who escaped
from the police station last night
1592
01:23:58,744 --> 01:24:01,455
with a companion
believed to be his accomplice.
1593
01:24:01,538 --> 01:24:03,707
Police have released
sketches of the two fugitives
1594
01:24:03,790 --> 01:24:06,835
which they believe
to be extremely accurate.
1595
01:24:10,756 --> 01:24:11,965
Nice!120687