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They're creepy and they're kooky
3
00:00:19,924 --> 00:00:21,755
Mysterious and spooky
4
00:00:21,926 --> 00:00:23,757
They're altogether ooky
5
00:00:23,928 --> 00:00:25,805
The Addams family
6
00:00:25,972 --> 00:00:27,803
The house is a museum
7
00:00:27,975 --> 00:00:29,806
When people come to see 'em
8
00:00:29,977 --> 00:00:31,808
They really are a scream
9
00:00:31,979 --> 00:00:33,492
The Addams family
10
00:00:35,066 --> 00:00:36,055
Neat.
11
00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:37,556
Sweet.
12
00:00:40,572 --> 00:00:41,561
Petite.
13
00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:43,651
So get a witch's shawl on
14
00:00:43,825 --> 00:00:45,702
A broomstick you can crawl on
15
00:00:45,869 --> 00:00:47,666
We're gonna pay a call on
16
00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:50,390
The Addams family
17
00:01:05,140 --> 00:01:06,892
Ready, my dear?
18
00:01:23,661 --> 00:01:25,492
Clean kills, every one of them.
19
00:01:26,455 --> 00:01:27,934
Why don't we use the good china?
20
00:01:28,082 --> 00:01:30,073
Get a much a zippier ping
when it shatters.
21
00:01:30,251 --> 00:01:32,207
Darling, that is the good china.
22
00:01:33,421 --> 00:01:35,013
Gomez, I think I've had enough.
23
00:01:35,173 --> 00:01:38,051
Querida, you've been in a blue funk all day.
24
00:01:38,260 --> 00:01:40,455
Perhaps a change of scenery will help.
25
00:01:40,679 --> 00:01:42,715
Why don't we go to a drive-in movie?
26
00:01:42,890 --> 00:01:45,199
Gomez, darling, why don't you
keep your mind on the problem?
27
00:01:45,393 --> 00:01:47,748
- It is, it is.
- No, dear.
28
00:01:48,730 --> 00:01:51,403
I mean my sister Ophelia's problem.
29
00:01:51,816 --> 00:01:53,135
Oh, that problem.
30
00:01:53,860 --> 00:01:55,339
Poor jilted darling.
31
00:01:55,863 --> 00:01:57,933
Her heart must be broken by now.
32
00:01:58,115 --> 00:02:01,027
That Montrose makes the fifth man
this year to get away from her.
33
00:02:01,243 --> 00:02:03,962
Sixth! Humphrey was the fifth.
Lucky devil.
34
00:02:04,831 --> 00:02:06,310
Gomez!
35
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:09,745
Let's face it.
36
00:02:09,878 --> 00:02:11,755
Ophelia may be your older sister,
37
00:02:12,589 --> 00:02:15,706
but in the school of romance,
I'm afraid she's just a dropout.
38
00:02:15,926 --> 00:02:18,440
Well, I admit she is a bit aggressive.
39
00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:21,804
But after all, that's because
she has so much to give.
40
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,064
You can say that again.
41
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:27,139
You remember that fellow Stanislaus
she used to date?
42
00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:30,267
Well, she gave him a concussion
and two broken arms.
43
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,648
And they weren't even going steady.
44
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:35,778
Well, a girl must keep up
with her judo and her karate.
45
00:02:36,407 --> 00:02:38,204
Anyway, I expect her here soon.
46
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,686
And while she's staying with us
47
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,466
I do think we should try
and lighten her burden.
48
00:02:42,664 --> 00:02:45,383
I shall be the soul of compassion
and understanding.
49
00:02:45,584 --> 00:02:47,302
Fester, what are you up to?
50
00:02:47,586 --> 00:02:49,895
I'm making you some more skeet targets.
51
00:02:59,265 --> 00:03:01,495
Miss Ophelia.
52
00:03:06,065 --> 00:03:08,056
Oh, you poor girl, what happened?
53
00:03:12,905 --> 00:03:14,577
Montrose didn't like that.
54
00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:16,553
Spoilsport.
55
00:03:17,535 --> 00:03:20,095
Where is my sweet,
gentle sister, Morticia?
56
00:03:20,998 --> 00:03:23,193
She said she was gonna arrange lunch.
57
00:03:23,417 --> 00:03:25,408
But she may be hiding.
58
00:03:26,754 --> 00:03:30,986
Oh, dear brother-in-law,
I am the most miserable of people.
59
00:03:31,509 --> 00:03:33,261
You've got me there.
60
00:03:33,428 --> 00:03:35,020
I think I'll end it all.
61
00:03:35,180 --> 00:03:38,058
I'll tell Morticia
there will be one less for lunch.
62
00:03:38,266 --> 00:03:40,905
Gomez! Suicide on an empty stomach?
63
00:03:42,313 --> 00:03:43,746
It's very unhealthy.
64
00:03:44,857 --> 00:03:46,085
Ophelia!
65
00:03:46,234 --> 00:03:48,907
Uncle Fester, I'm so unhappy.
66
00:03:49,112 --> 00:03:51,342
Oh, you poor kid, what happened?
67
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,607
Montrose didn't like that.
68
00:04:00,416 --> 00:04:02,407
He sure must be a weird one.
69
00:04:03,419 --> 00:04:04,818
Darling Ophelia.
70
00:04:05,463 --> 00:04:08,739
Oh, Sister Morticia, I'm so bereft.
71
00:04:08,967 --> 00:04:12,118
Ophelia, it pains to me
to see you so unhappy.
72
00:04:12,346 --> 00:04:13,540
What happened?
73
00:04:19,729 --> 00:04:22,402
Gomez, dear, this is no time for games.
74
00:04:23,733 --> 00:04:26,611
Come, Ophelia,
sit down and tell me all about it.
75
00:04:27,195 --> 00:04:28,833
But skip the judo.
76
00:04:33,827 --> 00:04:35,465
Here you are, Morticia.
77
00:04:37,540 --> 00:04:39,178
I hardly know where to begin.
78
00:04:39,333 --> 00:04:41,369
Well, suppose you start at the beginning.
79
00:04:41,544 --> 00:04:44,741
Gee, Gomez,
your shell collection is getting real big.
80
00:04:45,382 --> 00:04:46,861
Uncle Fester, please.
81
00:04:47,592 --> 00:04:48,911
Go ahead, Ophelia.
82
00:04:49,303 --> 00:04:50,292
Well...
83
00:04:54,684 --> 00:04:56,402
Thank you, Thing.
84
00:04:59,981 --> 00:05:02,051
Don't take it so hard, Ophelia.
85
00:05:02,442 --> 00:05:05,195
This isn't the first time
you've been left holding the bag.
86
00:05:09,283 --> 00:05:11,558
Uncle Fester, that will be quite enough!
87
00:05:13,538 --> 00:05:15,813
I had the most divine ceremony planned.
88
00:05:16,332 --> 00:05:19,085
The canopy was going to be
gray wolf bane
89
00:05:19,294 --> 00:05:21,808
with accents of water lilies, wilted.
90
00:05:22,506 --> 00:05:24,895
You always did have an eye for decorating.
91
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:28,846
We were going to take a three-week
honeymoon cruise on the African Queen.
92
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,068
By george, the man must be mad,
93
00:05:31,224 --> 00:05:33,419
not sticking around
for a fun time like that.
94
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,398
He didn't even say goodbye.
95
00:05:35,937 --> 00:05:39,327
All I got was a telegram
saying he was joining the Peace Corps
96
00:05:39,858 --> 00:05:41,769
and going to the Arctic Circle.
97
00:05:42,361 --> 00:05:44,033
Nice country.
98
00:05:48,284 --> 00:05:49,683
Help.
99
00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:04,093
That thing had a hurricane building up
inside of it.
100
00:06:07,597 --> 00:06:09,315
I don't see what's so funny.
101
00:06:10,141 --> 00:06:12,018
Pray forgive me, Uncle Fester.
102
00:06:12,185 --> 00:06:16,383
It just suddenly occurred to me how much
you look like my dear Montrose.
103
00:06:17,358 --> 00:06:19,474
In fact, you two could be twins.
104
00:06:20,361 --> 00:06:21,589
The Peace Corps.
105
00:06:22,572 --> 00:06:25,848
Imagine that precious tub of lard
getting into the Peace Corps.
106
00:06:27,452 --> 00:06:29,807
A fine way to talk about your uncle!
107
00:06:31,248 --> 00:06:34,684
As if the Peace Corps wouldn't
jump at a chance to have me join.
108
00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:38,570
No, Uncle Fester,
Ophelia wasn't talking about you.
109
00:06:39,674 --> 00:06:40,868
There may have been certain similarities
110
00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:42,840
between you
and her description of Montrose.
111
00:06:43,011 --> 00:06:44,080
- But I don't think...
- Sure.
112
00:06:44,220 --> 00:06:46,859
If she was laughing at Montrose,
she was laughing at me
113
00:06:47,057 --> 00:06:49,173
and my chances
of getting into the Peace Corps.
114
00:06:49,351 --> 00:06:50,989
Well, let me tell you something.
115
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:53,056
There is great big world out there
116
00:06:53,230 --> 00:06:56,302
just begging for a chance
to use my brains and talent.
117
00:06:56,526 --> 00:06:59,359
And to prove it,
I am joining the Peace Corps.
118
00:07:01,448 --> 00:07:03,564
- I'm...
- Uncle Fester!
119
00:07:05,869 --> 00:07:07,427
I think it's wonderful.
120
00:07:07,579 --> 00:07:09,376
- What? This?
- Yes.
121
00:07:09,540 --> 00:07:12,259
No. No, I mean,
your joining the Peace Corps.
122
00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:14,576
Maybe you could find my Montrose for me.
123
00:07:14,754 --> 00:07:16,472
He's my true, true love.
124
00:07:18,007 --> 00:07:19,156
Uncle Fester.
125
00:07:19,634 --> 00:07:22,831
Think of all the help you could give
to people in other countries.
126
00:07:23,055 --> 00:07:27,731
After all, who knows more about building
moats and drawbridges than you?
127
00:07:28,018 --> 00:07:29,133
Say no more, my dear.
128
00:07:29,270 --> 00:07:31,738
An old school chum of mine
is a bigwig in Washington.
129
00:07:31,939 --> 00:07:33,770
I'll give him a call and get the ball rolling.
130
00:07:33,942 --> 00:07:36,775
Congratulations, old man,
you're as good as in.
131
00:07:55,590 --> 00:07:58,058
Can I look now? I'm dying of curiosity.
132
00:07:59,136 --> 00:08:00,410
Not yet.
133
00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:03,925
It's you, but something's missing.
134
00:08:04,558 --> 00:08:06,150
Did you get my daisies?
135
00:08:06,394 --> 00:08:09,272
Oh, yes,
especially the ones growing in your head.
136
00:08:09,481 --> 00:08:10,470
Beautiful.
137
00:08:11,942 --> 00:08:13,375
Oh, hi.
138
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:18,290
I'm making a study schedule
for my Peace Corps exams next week,
139
00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:20,284
and you girls promised to help me.
140
00:08:20,451 --> 00:08:21,679
So, now let's see.
141
00:08:21,827 --> 00:08:25,900
I've got from 10:00 to 11:00 open
and from 5:00 till 6:00.
142
00:08:26,165 --> 00:08:28,076
Which shall I put you down for, Morticia?
143
00:08:28,251 --> 00:08:31,687
5:00 to 6:00.
I feed my plants from 10:00 to 11:00.
144
00:08:31,922 --> 00:08:33,275
Oh, dear.
145
00:08:33,423 --> 00:08:35,857
I generally weed my head
from 10:00 to 11:00.
146
00:08:36,051 --> 00:08:38,007
But I guess I could rearrange my day.
147
00:08:38,179 --> 00:08:42,934
Okay. Swell! With you girls helping me,
I'm a cinch to pass.
148
00:08:44,769 --> 00:08:46,680
I feel a weed growing up there.
149
00:08:46,980 --> 00:08:48,299
Oh, I'll get it.
150
00:08:53,612 --> 00:08:55,489
That's a daisy. Very deep roots.
151
00:08:55,656 --> 00:08:56,975
Oh, sorry.
152
00:08:58,826 --> 00:09:00,054
There, got it!
153
00:09:00,912 --> 00:09:03,221
Thank you, Uncle Fester. You are a dear.
154
00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:05,974
Yeah, I guess there's
just no use fighting it.
155
00:09:12,174 --> 00:09:13,687
You know something, Morticia?
156
00:09:13,843 --> 00:09:17,518
That ice really captures
Ophelia's warm personality.
157
00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:28,430
All right now.
158
00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:31,718
"The examination will cover
general and specific topics.
159
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:33,788
"And you will be required
160
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:36,587
"to answer questions
based on a wide field of knowledge.
161
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:40,380
"Now, the following are typical examples
of questions that may be asked."
162
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:41,657
Are you ready?
163
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:43,621
- Shoot.
- All right, here we go.
164
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,909
"What is the first aid treatment
for a snake bite?"
165
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:48,687
Oh, that's a cinch.
166
00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:51,831
You take the snake
and wrap him in a nice warm blanket
167
00:09:52,051 --> 00:09:53,370
so he won't go into shock.
168
00:09:53,511 --> 00:09:55,547
- Right?
- It certainly is.
169
00:09:55,931 --> 00:09:58,126
But that's not the answer they have here.
170
00:09:58,892 --> 00:10:01,122
I can't understand how they'd slip up
on a misprint like this.
171
00:10:01,311 --> 00:10:04,587
Maybe that's an old book.
Try another question.
172
00:10:04,815 --> 00:10:05,850
All right.
173
00:10:07,068 --> 00:10:09,582
"The Peace Corps mission
is to make friends.
174
00:10:09,779 --> 00:10:11,895
"Now, what would you do
175
00:10:12,073 --> 00:10:14,826
"if you were invited to a feast
in a native village
176
00:10:15,035 --> 00:10:17,469
"and were served such local delicacies
177
00:10:17,663 --> 00:10:19,142
"as saut�ed bat wings,
178
00:10:19,289 --> 00:10:23,282
"brisket of warthog
and sweet and sour scorpion stew?"
179
00:10:24,170 --> 00:10:26,730
I wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot pole.
180
00:10:28,424 --> 00:10:32,895
Whoever heard of mixing saut�ed
bat wings and brisket of warthog?
181
00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:37,779
Ready for the next question, Uncle Fester?
182
00:10:38,686 --> 00:10:40,961
Just as soon as I get this nice and tight.
183
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:45,314
And I wanna thank you for taking
time off to help me study.
184
00:10:46,778 --> 00:10:47,767
There!
185
00:10:48,530 --> 00:10:50,441
All right, Wednesday, shoot.
186
00:10:50,949 --> 00:10:55,181
"Many of the countries
low below the equator
187
00:10:55,454 --> 00:11:00,244
"where the average rainfall exceeds
200 inches per year,
188
00:11:00,543 --> 00:11:03,421
"what would you consider
the people's greatest need?"
189
00:11:04,923 --> 00:11:06,072
Umbrellas.
190
00:11:06,216 --> 00:11:08,252
Oh, Uncle Fester.
191
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:09,951
Canoes?
192
00:11:10,763 --> 00:11:12,515
Now the swing shift is here.
193
00:11:12,681 --> 00:11:14,797
I'll take over, Wednesday. Thank you.
194
00:11:15,476 --> 00:11:17,944
Now, Uncle Fester,
this is very, very tricky.
195
00:11:18,646 --> 00:11:23,481
You have to make sure that all these pegs
fit into their proper holes.
196
00:11:23,777 --> 00:11:26,575
Oh, yeah, we had one of these things
around here before.
197
00:11:26,780 --> 00:11:29,294
And you have 45 seconds to do it in.
198
00:11:29,909 --> 00:11:30,978
Commence.
199
00:11:39,419 --> 00:11:42,058
Oh, yeah. Hey, this is fun.
200
00:11:42,464 --> 00:11:44,773
Anything that comes easily is fun, dear.
201
00:11:45,801 --> 00:11:46,870
All right.
202
00:11:53,268 --> 00:11:54,826
Hey, that's a toughie.
203
00:11:57,230 --> 00:11:58,663
Oh, thank you, Thing.
204
00:12:03,654 --> 00:12:06,532
Perfect! 45 seconds exactly.
205
00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:09,429
However, Thing did help you
with that last one.
206
00:12:09,619 --> 00:12:13,578
Oh, don't worry. When I take the test,
I'll bring my own mallet.
207
00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:19,160
I was truly magnificent.
208
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:22,250
I bogeyed the fourth, seventh
and ninth holes.
209
00:12:22,466 --> 00:12:24,661
I sliced in the quicksand on the 12th.
210
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:27,483
I evaded Mama's alligator on the 14th,
211
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,092
and I got a birdie on the 18th.
212
00:12:31,101 --> 00:12:34,173
I think it was a hawk.
It was flying too high to be sure.
213
00:12:35,105 --> 00:12:38,097
Just think,
last year you were a rank amateur.
214
00:12:38,442 --> 00:12:39,795
It's perseverance.
215
00:12:40,361 --> 00:12:41,476
Where's Fester?
216
00:12:41,612 --> 00:12:42,647
I haven't seen him around much
217
00:12:42,780 --> 00:12:44,691
since he started studying
for that Peace Corps exam.
218
00:12:44,866 --> 00:12:46,185
He's in training.
219
00:12:54,752 --> 00:12:57,186
Dear, dear Uncle Fester, that's what I like.
220
00:12:57,379 --> 00:12:59,256
Always one step ahead of me.
221
00:12:59,423 --> 00:13:00,902
One step ahead of you?
222
00:13:01,551 --> 00:13:03,701
I got one foot in the grave.
223
00:13:03,887 --> 00:13:05,115
Now, now.
224
00:13:05,263 --> 00:13:08,255
You have to get into the Peace Corps
so you can find my Montrose.
225
00:13:08,475 --> 00:13:12,673
So, on with our pushups.
226
00:13:14,273 --> 00:13:15,786
Now then.
227
00:13:16,025 --> 00:13:17,219
"Legs straight,
228
00:13:18,027 --> 00:13:19,619
"arms bent at the side,
229
00:13:20,613 --> 00:13:21,841
"head down,
230
00:13:22,615 --> 00:13:24,367
"246 times."
231
00:13:26,203 --> 00:13:28,842
246 times!
232
00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:33,419
Oh, that's my mistake.
That's the page number.
233
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:37,335
256 times.
234
00:13:38,466 --> 00:13:40,377
Got to get you nice and firm.
235
00:13:41,553 --> 00:13:42,827
Straighten up.
236
00:13:43,639 --> 00:13:45,869
And one.
237
00:13:52,106 --> 00:13:54,666
We'll have to find some exercises
for that ground.
238
00:13:54,859 --> 00:13:56,770
It needs firming up, too.
239
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:11,351
Now blow on it first, Cleopatra,
it's a very hot pizza.
240
00:14:13,671 --> 00:14:15,423
That's mother's baby.
241
00:14:16,925 --> 00:14:19,644
Morticia, have you seen Fester?
It's time for his vitamin shot.
242
00:14:19,845 --> 00:14:21,801
I think he's with Ophelia.
243
00:14:23,516 --> 00:14:25,108
You silly girl.
244
00:14:25,267 --> 00:14:27,906
You'll get tomato sauce all over his jacket.
245
00:14:28,521 --> 00:14:30,637
You know, dear,
she really has a thing for you.
246
00:14:30,815 --> 00:14:32,646
I think she needs a soul mate.
247
00:14:32,984 --> 00:14:34,019
Capital idea.
248
00:14:34,152 --> 00:14:38,065
I'll call my office in Nairobi, have them
send over a male African strangler.
249
00:14:38,615 --> 00:14:40,810
Cleopatra, you're a real flirt.
250
00:14:40,993 --> 00:14:43,348
A true Addams. Well, gotta find Fester.
251
00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:49,760
Fester!
252
00:14:51,546 --> 00:14:52,899
Fester!
253
00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:55,668
Fester!
254
00:15:00,932 --> 00:15:02,126
Zounds!
255
00:15:02,767 --> 00:15:05,156
Looks like I'll have to cut down
on the dosage.
256
00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:11,724
Addams here.
257
00:15:11,985 --> 00:15:13,976
- Washington calling?
- Gomez, darling...
258
00:15:14,154 --> 00:15:15,553
Simpson on the phone from Washington.
259
00:15:15,698 --> 00:15:17,177
Just spoke to the Peace Corps
about Fester.
260
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,681
Simpson, have they decided yet
where they want to assign him?
261
00:15:24,374 --> 00:15:25,443
Yes.
262
00:15:26,585 --> 00:15:29,861
Yes, I see. Well, thanks
for the old college try, Simpson.
263
00:15:30,422 --> 00:15:32,617
What's the matter, darling?
Where are they going to send him?
264
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,791
Nowhere. They were impressed.
265
00:15:35,011 --> 00:15:36,649
As a matter of fact,
the staff psychologist said
266
00:15:36,804 --> 00:15:39,921
he wished that Fester would
commit himself for five or ten years.
267
00:15:40,141 --> 00:15:41,699
Imagine that.
268
00:15:42,352 --> 00:15:44,468
Darling, then why aren't they
going to send him anywhere?
269
00:15:44,646 --> 00:15:46,762
Well, it seems
there's no country in the world
270
00:15:46,940 --> 00:15:49,738
ready at the present time
to accept Fester's talents.
271
00:15:50,277 --> 00:15:52,427
Uncle Fester is rather advanced.
272
00:15:52,613 --> 00:15:55,650
Oh, dear, this is going to come
as quite a blow to Ophelia as well.
273
00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:57,220
Well, I'd better tell him now.
274
00:15:57,368 --> 00:15:59,643
No sense in him getting into condition
for nothing.
275
00:15:59,829 --> 00:16:01,899
Wait a minute, darling, I have an idea.
276
00:16:02,082 --> 00:16:04,642
You know how proud and independent
Uncle Fester is.
277
00:16:04,835 --> 00:16:07,144
Yes, he'll be crushed when he finds out
they don't need him.
278
00:16:07,338 --> 00:16:08,373
Absolutely.
279
00:16:08,506 --> 00:16:11,543
So we must make him feel
he's more needed here at home.
280
00:16:12,051 --> 00:16:14,611
Make it his decision
not to go into the Peace Corps.
281
00:16:14,804 --> 00:16:16,157
Capital idea!
282
00:16:16,306 --> 00:16:17,785
We can't tell Ophelia either.
283
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:20,811
You know how eager she is
for him to find her Montrose.
284
00:16:21,019 --> 00:16:22,247
I'll talk to her later.
285
00:16:22,396 --> 00:16:24,705
Fester won't be difficult.
He's a level-headed fellow.
286
00:16:24,899 --> 00:16:26,378
And I know just how to handle it.
287
00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:35,812
You look a little distressed, Gomez.
288
00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:38,773
Going to end it all.
289
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,632
Is something wrong?
290
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,795
Well, I might as well tell you, Fester,
I'm ruined, wiped out.
291
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:48,140
That's impossible! You're worth a fortune.
292
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,660
Was, was, Fester.
293
00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:51,693
I was worth a fortune.
294
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:54,662
But now I'm just another member
of the Great Society.
295
00:16:55,599 --> 00:17:00,354
Well, only last week you bought a railroad
and an airline and a skateboard factory.
296
00:17:00,938 --> 00:17:04,772
Yes, I was known all along Wall Street
as the go-go magnate.
297
00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:09,819
Now it's all gone, gone, gone, gone!
298
00:17:12,326 --> 00:17:14,157
There's only one way, Fester.
299
00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:16,975
I can make sure Morticia and the children
300
00:17:17,164 --> 00:17:19,394
and the rest of the family
will have something.
301
00:17:24,464 --> 00:17:26,739
I hope that insurance premium check
doesn't bounce.
302
00:17:31,305 --> 00:17:32,897
Goodbye, Fester.
303
00:17:35,393 --> 00:17:38,066
You can have my trains, blasting caps.
304
00:17:38,271 --> 00:17:39,989
Oh, gee, thanks.
305
00:17:40,148 --> 00:17:42,582
For a minute there
I was sorry to see you go.
306
00:17:43,610 --> 00:17:45,566
Fester, Fester, what about the children?
307
00:17:45,737 --> 00:17:46,886
Don't worry about them.
308
00:17:47,030 --> 00:17:49,146
They can play with the trains
all they want.
309
00:17:49,658 --> 00:17:52,047
Fester, Fester,
children must have a father.
310
00:17:53,788 --> 00:17:56,780
There must...
There must be some way, some way out.
311
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:02,400
Someone, someone with a computer,
312
00:18:03,173 --> 00:18:04,572
a computer for a brain.
313
00:18:04,716 --> 00:18:09,312
A cold, ruthless financial wizard
might turn the tables.
314
00:18:10,181 --> 00:18:13,059
Where? Where can I find
someone like that?
315
00:18:14,018 --> 00:18:15,849
- You're looking at him.
- You?
316
00:18:16,688 --> 00:18:19,077
It's not for nothing
that they call me gold finger.
317
00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:23,510
But, gee, that'd mean
I'd lose the trains and the blasting caps.
318
00:18:23,737 --> 00:18:26,649
I'll buy you the trains
and the blasting caps.
319
00:18:26,866 --> 00:18:28,299
Well, in that case...
320
00:18:43,050 --> 00:18:45,689
Morticia, your paintings.
321
00:18:53,562 --> 00:18:55,234
May I have a match please?
322
00:18:55,898 --> 00:18:57,456
You're gonna burn them?
323
00:18:57,941 --> 00:18:59,977
I tried calling the trash man,
324
00:19:01,070 --> 00:19:02,947
but he doesn't pick up on Fridays.
325
00:19:03,281 --> 00:19:04,760
Well, in that case...
326
00:19:05,825 --> 00:19:09,135
But, Morticia,
these are your masterpieces.
327
00:19:09,746 --> 00:19:11,862
They somehow seem so meaningless.
328
00:19:12,416 --> 00:19:15,249
I seem to have lost contact
with my creative soul.
329
00:19:17,671 --> 00:19:19,184
Yeah, so I see.
330
00:19:20,675 --> 00:19:24,554
But then, every great painter
goes through a dry spell.
331
00:19:24,804 --> 00:19:25,793
Yes.
332
00:19:26,264 --> 00:19:29,142
If only I had some new challenge.
333
00:19:30,227 --> 00:19:32,183
A stimulating model perhaps.
334
00:19:33,314 --> 00:19:34,827
A new model?
335
00:19:36,525 --> 00:19:38,834
- You found him.
- You?
336
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:43,165
Uncle Fester, that's it.
337
00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:47,132
Don't move.
338
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,767
But, Morticia,
339
00:19:49,915 --> 00:19:53,271
I've been so busy
helping Gomez get back on his feet.
340
00:19:53,502 --> 00:19:56,539
Why, only yesterday
I told him to buy, buy, buy.
341
00:19:57,632 --> 00:19:59,145
Buy, buy, buy?
342
00:19:59,884 --> 00:20:01,920
Yeah, I meant sell, sell, sell.
343
00:20:02,095 --> 00:20:04,973
But it was too late.
He bought and it went up and...
344
00:20:06,141 --> 00:20:08,052
You see, he needs me.
345
00:20:10,271 --> 00:20:11,420
Oh, yes.
346
00:20:12,064 --> 00:20:15,215
And besides, the Peace Corps
will be yelling for me very soon.
347
00:20:16,653 --> 00:20:19,372
But, Uncle Fester,
I need you so desperately, too.
348
00:20:20,991 --> 00:20:22,310
You and the world.
349
00:20:23,619 --> 00:20:25,575
Maybe I can squeeze you in.
350
00:20:26,038 --> 00:20:27,949
Uncle Fester, you are an angel.
351
00:20:29,083 --> 00:20:30,357
An angel!
352
00:20:31,002 --> 00:20:32,037
That's it.
353
00:20:37,175 --> 00:20:39,245
Uncle Fester, you've done it again.
354
00:20:43,057 --> 00:20:46,527
I can feel my creative juices
surging through my veins.
355
00:20:46,769 --> 00:20:48,839
That's wonderful, Morticia, but I...
356
00:20:49,439 --> 00:20:51,111
I think I better come down now.
357
00:20:51,274 --> 00:20:53,583
My creative juices aren't doing so well.
358
00:20:54,027 --> 00:20:55,585
Just this final touch.
359
00:20:58,699 --> 00:21:00,451
Gomez is asleep up in the tower,
360
00:21:00,618 --> 00:21:02,813
but I know he'll be thrilled
when he sees this.
361
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:07,454
Hold it, hold it just a moment.
362
00:21:17,887 --> 00:21:19,479
Tish, you spoke French.
363
00:21:22,725 --> 00:21:24,955
Will you please get me down?
364
00:21:26,479 --> 00:21:28,151
Darling, please, the rope.
365
00:21:28,732 --> 00:21:29,926
Yes, the rope.
366
00:21:39,911 --> 00:21:42,505
- Hurry, bubele.
- Bubele. That name!
367
00:21:47,753 --> 00:21:49,823
Fester, dear, are you all right?
368
00:21:51,423 --> 00:21:52,697
I'm okay, but...
369
00:21:53,926 --> 00:21:56,121
Look at my bugle.
370
00:21:59,182 --> 00:22:02,538
Hey, what do you know?
It's back in tune again.
371
00:22:06,148 --> 00:22:08,946
This is the most important decision
I have ever made.
372
00:22:10,694 --> 00:22:12,412
But I've made it.
373
00:22:12,863 --> 00:22:15,172
I've decided not to join the Peace Corps.
374
00:22:16,409 --> 00:22:19,082
- I'll answer the door.
- Lurch'll get the door.
375
00:22:19,287 --> 00:22:22,563
What about my Montrose?
You promised you'd get him back for me.
376
00:22:22,791 --> 00:22:24,019
So I did.
377
00:22:24,168 --> 00:22:25,681
Okay, the Peace Corps.
378
00:22:26,295 --> 00:22:28,525
How will I get along
without your financial advice?
379
00:22:28,714 --> 00:22:29,783
That's true.
380
00:22:29,924 --> 00:22:31,118
Okay, I'm out.
381
00:22:31,425 --> 00:22:34,064
You mean I'm doomed
to a life of spinsterhood?
382
00:22:34,554 --> 00:22:35,589
I'm in again.
383
00:22:35,722 --> 00:22:39,317
Uncle Fester, you're my sole inspiration.
384
00:22:40,227 --> 00:22:41,216
I'm out again.
385
00:22:41,353 --> 00:22:44,186
I want my Montrose.
386
00:22:44,982 --> 00:22:46,973
I'm in and out.
387
00:22:47,193 --> 00:22:50,105
Gentleman for Miss Ophelia.
388
00:22:52,949 --> 00:22:54,985
- Montrose!
- Baby!
389
00:22:59,248 --> 00:23:01,079
I sure missed that.
390
00:23:01,250 --> 00:23:02,683
Montrose, my love.
391
00:23:03,127 --> 00:23:04,321
Home at last.
392
00:23:04,462 --> 00:23:08,137
How could I ever leave
the only woman who told me
393
00:23:08,383 --> 00:23:11,500
how I reminded her of Richard Burton?
394
00:23:12,137 --> 00:23:13,456
Richard Burton?
395
00:23:14,473 --> 00:23:16,941
Never! You know who he reminds me of?
396
00:23:17,768 --> 00:23:19,406
James Bond.
397
00:23:38,791 --> 00:23:40,941
Thank you, Thing, that's much better.
398
00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:46,386
By george, Morticia,
399
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:49,269
this picture you painted
on the head of a pin is a dandy.
400
00:23:50,053 --> 00:23:51,452
Thank you, darling.
401
00:23:51,597 --> 00:23:53,952
I know how much you enjoy
those battle scenes.
402
00:23:57,228 --> 00:23:59,981
Gomez, would you come outside
and help me hang up this sign?
403
00:24:00,189 --> 00:24:01,224
Sign? What for?
404
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:04,952
Well, it seems a shame to waste all
that wonderful physical training I got.
405
00:24:05,404 --> 00:24:09,238
So I'm gonna open up my own
Peace Corps physical fitness center.
406
00:24:09,491 --> 00:24:11,721
That's very good thinking, Uncle Fester.
407
00:24:11,911 --> 00:24:15,062
But doesn't the Peace Corps
have a training program of their own?
408
00:24:15,289 --> 00:24:16,688
What do I care?
409
00:24:16,833 --> 00:24:19,950
I got my first student
without even putting up the sign.
410
00:24:20,170 --> 00:24:22,161
Wonderful! Who's your new student?
411
00:24:26,009 --> 00:24:27,840
You rang?
412
00:24:28,762 --> 00:24:31,322
One more.
413
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,113
One.
414
00:24:35,113 --> 00:24:45,113
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