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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:20,602 Wow. 2 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:23,273 There are a lot of assholes on here. 3 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,544 Mom! 4 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,463 Hey. 5 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:48,881 Rear Window. 6 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,749 What are you doing over there? 7 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,053 The Neighborhood Watch Committee 8 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,346 posted this thing about the new guy next door. 9 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,807 You have to stop with this Neighborhood Watch journey. 10 00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,894 It's like a high school cafeteria for old people. 11 00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:02,479 You're right. 12 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,731 All right, let's get out of here. 13 00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:06,483 You want to go to the farmers' market? 14 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:10,028 I would, but I'm going to Olivia's birthday party with Kim. 15 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:13,865 Oh, you are already hanging out with the boss. 16 00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,325 Chic, right? 17 00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:18,787 Well, the farmers' market's kind of our thing. 18 00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:21,831 I guess I'll stay here and catch up on some reading. 19 00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:25,293 Oh, hey, hey, hey. Did you finish that article already? 20 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,712 Oh, no, not yet. But I'll let you know. 21 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:32,050 I am so proud of you for writing about your cerebral palsy. 22 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:33,635 You are so brave. 23 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:43,811 Hey, Kim. 24 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,313 Oh, hi. I'm Ryan. 25 00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:47,982 Oh, don't worry about him, he's my Roadsy passenger. 26 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,610 Oh, you drive for Roadsy. 27 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,987 Does Eggwoke not pay you enough, or...? 28 00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:55,406 Oh, I just do it for the stories. 29 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,159 Last week, two girls legit fucked in my backseat. 30 00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,243 It was hot. 31 00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:02,455 Yikes. This is like straight-up suburbs out here. 32 00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:05,375 Shouldn't you be, like, living it up in the city? 33 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,585 Oh, I was. I mean, I just, um... 34 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,309 you know, moved back in with my mom for a second after my accident, 35 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,340 You know, she's obsessed with me, so... 36 00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:15,635 Yeah. Gay sons and their moms, it's a thing, I get it. 37 00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:17,720 But, like, how do you hook up? 38 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:19,848 Oh, well, you know. 39 00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:22,350 When there's a will, there's a gay way. 40 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,310 - Who are you hooking up with? - No one. 41 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:27,147 Straight men are literal trash. Seriously. 42 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,858 - There should be some hotties at Olivia's. - Ooh! 43 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,485 - Can I come? - Jesus! 44 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:33,987 Is that seriously your real voice? 45 00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:35,905 Okay, Daddy. 46 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:46,787 I'm already drunk. 47 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,513 It's 'cause I haven't had anything to eat. 48 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:51,087 Great party, you guys. Thanks for coming. It's my party. 49 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,881 It's mine. 50 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,257 Hey! 51 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,758 What is the intern doing here? 52 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:56,968 He's my plus-one. 53 00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:58,595 Back off, birthday demon. 54 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,555 I can... I can just go. 55 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,390 Uh, no, you're staying. 56 00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:05,894 Olivia, take the Valium I know you have stashed 57 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,770 in your swimsuit right now and chill. 58 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,314 It's a strawberry Klonopin wafer, 59 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:11,482 I already took it and I'm radiating with rage, 60 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:12,817 so he's gotta go. 61 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,485 Fine. 62 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:16,613 But if I develop a sudden case of writer's block 63 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,615 and can't produce any hits at work next week, 64 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:19,949 don't be surprised. 65 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,951 Fine. Just keep him away from the pool. 66 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,954 Some guy died in there last week and I don't need another lawsuit. 67 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,874 Come on, guys. 68 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,002 Sorry. I thought she'd be, like, ten percent more chill. 69 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,463 It's okay. I can really just go. 70 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,715 No, it's gonna be fun, trust me. 71 00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,008 Look, there's an open bar 72 00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:39,344 and an amazing cake I guarantee no one's gonna eat. 73 00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:40,427 Let's go change. 74 00:03:58,821 --> 00:03:59,821 Wow. 75 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,491 You look fantastic. 76 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,159 I know, right? 77 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,119 Wait, you got a little price tag moment. 78 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,788 I got it. 79 00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:08,998 Always the epitome of glamour. 80 00:04:09,832 --> 00:04:11,668 Um... where's your suit? 81 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:15,755 Oh, I'm not really a water baby, I'm more of like a land adult. 82 00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:16,923 Uh-huh. 83 00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:20,218 You don't want to take your shirt off in front of all those hot people. Got it. 84 00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:21,761 No, that's not it. 85 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:25,932 Ryan, trust me, I have been here before and I know what you need to do. 86 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:29,352 Take off all your clothes and tell me everything you love about your body. 87 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:30,603 That's a pass. 88 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,021 Come on! 89 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,523 I love my boobs. 90 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:34,816 They're bouncy and playful, 91 00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:37,360 and my nipples have a very strong female POV. 92 00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:39,904 Like, they could basically have their own Netflix special. 93 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:42,490 Now your turn. 94 00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:44,534 You'll feel better, I promise. 95 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:47,369 Okay. 96 00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:51,124 - This is really rude, by the way. - I know. 97 00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:53,333 Okay. 98 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,252 Um... 99 00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:55,670 I guess I like my nipples, too. 100 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:59,090 Because they're nipples and they pretty much look the same on everyone. 101 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:00,008 Great. 102 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,467 Symmetry is in. 103 00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,470 I love my feet. They always stay the same size. 104 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:06,139 I hate my feet. 105 00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:08,683 Hey, no talking shit on yourself. 106 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,309 Go on. 107 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:16,690 Okay. 108 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,860 I guess I like my legs. 109 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,862 I mean, except for my scars. 110 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,906 I've had them forever, but they still dark me out. 111 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,908 Okay, now you're just being a drama queen. 112 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,202 Didn't you get hit by a car like three months ago? 113 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,663 Yes, I did. It just, um... 114 00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,458 I guess it just feels like forever, you know? 115 00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:34,541 Uh-huh. 116 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:35,793 Anything else you like? 117 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:36,877 No. 118 00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,755 All right, well, we did it! 119 00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:41,674 ♪ Our bodies, we love them It's crazy ♪ 120 00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:43,383 Do you feel better? 121 00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:44,761 No. 122 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,387 Well, get the fuck over it. 123 00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:48,973 Now, put on your swim trunks and let's go. 124 00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:51,184 I need to be seen. 125 00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:59,484 ♪ Happy birthday to me ♪ 126 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:01,736 - Blair, pay attention. - Okay. 127 00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:04,447 ♪ Happy birthday ♪ 128 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:08,493 ♪ Dear Olivia ♪ 129 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:15,124 ♪ Happy birthday to me ♪ 130 00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:23,257 Mmm. 131 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,175 I'm full. 132 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,220 Okay, thank you, guys. Good night. 133 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,974 See? I told you. 134 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:33,810 No one's eating that shit. 135 00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,437 I'm going to jump in the pool before it turns into human soup. 136 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:43,903 Hey, uh, come here. 137 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,197 Do you mind taking a photo of us? 138 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,448 Oh, sure. 139 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,208 Are you done? 140 00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:58,917 Sorry. 141 00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:01,545 Here. 142 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:02,587 Thanks. 143 00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,218 Excuse me. Sorry. 144 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,854 Hey, Judge Judys. 145 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,441 If you're gonna stare at my cellulite, you might as well get me a drink. 146 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:22,524 Okay. 147 00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:24,068 How about some guac, too? 148 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:26,611 Sure. 149 00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:31,951 And a cake! 150 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,387 What's going on, man? What can I get you? 151 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,624 How about a... 152 00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:41,043 banana daiquiri. 153 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:46,507 - Right. - A banana daiquiri? 154 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,468 That's bold. 155 00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:52,305 I'm more of a Sex On the Beach guy, myself. 156 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,640 I'm sorry, that was so cheesy. 157 00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:57,518 It's... It's okay. 158 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,854 I, uh, brought some Lactaid, 159 00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:02,106 so we can handle the cheese together. 160 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,026 Oh, he's got jokes. 161 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:07,527 Okay. 162 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,787 We are fresh out of bananas. 163 00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:19,808 - Vodka soda. - That's perfect. 164 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:22,712 That's actually just what I wanted. Okay, bye, nice meeting you, goodbye. 165 00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:23,793 Okay. 166 00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:25,713 French 75. 167 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,424 I'm just fucking with you. Just a vodka soda. 168 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:33,197 Thing is, I am a woman, but I'm more like a goddess... 169 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,639 Kim, I need to talk to you. 170 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,936 - What's up? - I just ran into this cute guy I know. 171 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,563 Well, I don't actually know him, we met on Grindr. 172 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,833 But now we had this really nice moment IRL and I'm like, 173 00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:47,151 - "Where do you go from here?" - Go have sex with him. 174 00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,115 My answer to everything is go have sex with him. 175 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,238 Oh, I can't do that. 176 00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,321 Why not? 177 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,531 Because. 178 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,243 I'm... super into dying alone. 179 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:58,454 Ryan, that is very unhealthy. I'm gonna need you to go talk to him. 180 00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,538 No. 181 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,541 Go! You can do this! 182 00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,709 Go on. Fly, honey. 183 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,503 Get that juicy booty over there. 184 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,129 You'll thank me later. 185 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,756 Hasta mañana. 186 00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:15,011 GETMEOFFofhere. 187 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:16,639 What? 188 00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:19,141 I'm Takeoffyourmasc. 189 00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:22,770 Otherwise known as... Ryan. 190 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,563 Grindr. 191 00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:29,109 Come on. 192 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,569 Let's go. 193 00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,327 Yah! 194 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,792 - Move. - Oh, of course. 195 00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:47,461 - Hi. - Hi. 196 00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,427 Would you like another margarita, Kim? 197 00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,346 Okay, what's with all the niceties? 198 00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,057 You're supposed to be telling me that if I lost 20 pounds, 199 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:02,351 Mindy Kaling could maybe play me in a movie. 200 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,438 We are... 201 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:09,066 huge fans of your writing. 202 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,736 That article you wrote about how you loved your body 203 00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:13,696 before, like, the world told you not to 204 00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,031 changed my life. 205 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,283 - Really? - Uh-huh. 206 00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,244 Shit. That makes me so happy. 207 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,830 Like, for so long, everyone used to make fun of me 208 00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,206 for my bony arms. 209 00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:25,249 Same! 210 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,876 I was always too thin. 211 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:29,211 They called me "Bony Bonnie." 212 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,297 They called me "Clavicle Katie." 213 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,100 But reading about someone like you 214 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,925 finding things to love about your body? 215 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,511 I mean, clearly we have no excuse. 216 00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:38,721 If you can do it, 217 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:39,930 so can we. 218 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,014 Yes. 219 00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:44,851 Excuse me. 220 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:50,483 Oh, my God. I love her. 221 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,362 Hey, you're shaking like a leaf. 222 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:57,281 Oh, that's... that's, um... the AC. 223 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,699 I'm freezing. 224 00:10:58,783 --> 00:10:59,950 Oh, okay. 225 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:06,915 Better? 226 00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,045 Much. 227 00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,090 Okay, come on, your turn. 228 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:17,842 Yeah, there you go. 229 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,184 What's wrong? 230 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:27,560 Nothing. 231 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,314 Hey, cool scar. 232 00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,149 Oh, shut up. 233 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:34,193 No, no, no. Don't. Scars are awesome. 234 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,153 Look. I've got one too, see? 235 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,782 Oh, wow. How'd you get it? 236 00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:42,993 Being a drunk idiot at Bears in Space. 237 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,413 It's a party at Akbar. 238 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:47,330 Akbar? 239 00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:48,623 Yeah, the gay bar? 240 00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:50,793 Have you never been? 241 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:53,963 Wow. 242 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:55,798 You're like some... 243 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,134 You're like some gay alien. 244 00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:01,678 I love it. 245 00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:11,772 Okay. Okay. 246 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:12,857 Interesting kisser. 247 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:13,983 - Was that bad? - No. 248 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,317 No, not bad. Just... 249 00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:17,528 Just go slower this time. 250 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,113 - Slower. - Mm-hmm. 251 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:20,573 Yeah, I can do that. 252 00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:21,699 - Okay. - Okay. 253 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,508 You want to go for a swim? 254 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:41,301 Let's go. 255 00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:55,733 So then I went to Penney's 256 00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:58,444 to find a little outfit for the nurses' luncheon. 257 00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,530 I don't want to even go. It's never fun. 258 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,073 They serve the worst food. 259 00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:05,159 Remember what I told you they had last year? 260 00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:07,328 Baked clams. Disgusting. 261 00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:08,454 You need a knife. 262 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,664 So I did not find anything, 263 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:14,752 and I came back here and I just put my feet up and relaxed. 264 00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:16,629 And I realized in that moment 265 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:21,383 that we have not spent a Saturday apart in, like, forever. 266 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:23,469 And then I thought... 267 00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:25,678 I miss you. 268 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,727 Mom, I'm moving out. 18092

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