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1
00:01:16,049 --> 00:01:17,711
Barry, do you hear that?
2
00:01:17,851 --> 00:01:21,481
Superhero: The Musical! I'm telling you,
I know what I'm talking about.
3
00:01:21,654 --> 00:01:25,887
Get on the phone. Call the heads of
all the studios. This is gonna be huge.
4
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:28,692
Chris!
5
00:01:29,229 --> 00:01:30,754
No!
6
00:01:36,469 --> 00:01:40,497
I don't know what's worse:
a half-naked oiled-up David Hasselhoff
7
00:01:40,673 --> 00:01:42,266
or this bullet in my chest.
8
00:01:42,375 --> 00:01:45,140
You're probably asking yourself
how I got into this situation.
9
00:01:45,278 --> 00:01:47,304
Let's go back a few days.
10
00:01:52,318 --> 00:01:56,779
Tommy's house. Where it all started.
He's a reality TV producer.
11
00:01:56,923 --> 00:02:00,291
Anyway, we're all there for Tommy's
annual Celebrity Death Pool party.
12
00:02:00,393 --> 00:02:01,554
That's me, Chris.
13
00:02:01,728 --> 00:02:05,165
I own a nightclub called Habitat
that's barely making ends meet.
14
00:02:05,298 --> 00:02:07,927
My pick in the pool every year
is David Hasselhoff.
15
00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:11,003
I almost won last year as the Hoff
nearly plunged to his death
16
00:02:11,137 --> 00:02:13,902
skydiving blind on his reality show.
17
00:02:14,007 --> 00:02:17,136
As usual my luck didn't pan out
while Hasselhoff's did.
18
00:02:17,710 --> 00:02:18,973
I mean, as far as death pools go,
19
00:02:19,112 --> 00:02:21,809
I figured that was like drafting LeBron
right out of high school.
20
00:02:21,948 --> 00:02:24,474
What started out
as an innocent game with my boys
21
00:02:24,584 --> 00:02:27,918
ended up being
one of the worst weeks of my life.
22
00:02:29,789 --> 00:02:33,487
Six years ago today,
18 men, all of whom are here,
23
00:02:33,593 --> 00:02:35,994
chose one celebrity
and put $500 into a bank account.
24
00:02:36,129 --> 00:02:40,123
We then made a gentleman's agreement
that whoever's celebrity died first,
25
00:02:40,233 --> 00:02:43,431
that man would walk away with... $9,000.
26
00:02:43,570 --> 00:02:48,508
- And what's the total now, Tommy?
- A staggering, a shocking,
27
00:02:48,608 --> 00:02:51,942
may I say life-altering amount?
28
00:02:52,045 --> 00:02:55,038
$567,000.
29
00:02:55,281 --> 00:02:57,241
You could buy a lot of weed with that.
30
00:02:58,418 --> 00:03:02,150
So you want Hasselhoff to die
but you also booked his after party.
31
00:03:02,255 --> 00:03:05,350
- Isn't that a conflict of interest?
- I like to hedge my bets.
32
00:03:05,959 --> 00:03:10,624
I'm just curious. Would you rather have
the money or a lifetime of awful karma?
33
00:03:10,797 --> 00:03:13,062
So you wanna have the wedding
at Chuck E. Cheese?
34
00:03:13,199 --> 00:03:16,328
They have a house band there.
It's all animatronic robots.
35
00:03:16,436 --> 00:03:18,132
If it's cool with you, it's cool with me.
36
00:03:18,238 --> 00:03:21,470
It's definitely cool with me.
Sounds like the best wedding ever.
37
00:03:21,608 --> 00:03:25,170
You don't even have to buy gifts.
You could win 'em with tickets.
38
00:03:25,278 --> 00:03:27,838
It's amazing! Why is no one doing this?
39
00:03:27,981 --> 00:03:31,349
Time to re-ante.
Let me hear it, people. Come on.
40
00:03:33,219 --> 00:03:37,782
With these contracts so begins
the Celebrity Death Pool 2016.
41
00:03:40,193 --> 00:03:44,392
Yes! Whoo!
42
00:03:44,497 --> 00:03:46,693
I remember a friend of mine
once saying to me,
43
00:03:46,866 --> 00:03:49,961
"A joint chequing account with Chris?
Chris Kim?"
44
00:03:50,069 --> 00:03:53,267
- And of course I objected.
- Ann, your trust will soon be rewarded.
45
00:03:53,406 --> 00:03:56,843
This is gonna be our year.
This man is definitely going to die.
46
00:03:56,976 --> 00:03:58,842
I can feel it in my motherfucking bones.
47
00:03:59,479 --> 00:04:01,846
- You're pathetic.
- Thank you.
48
00:04:01,981 --> 00:04:06,316
I just want you to know, I'm doing
this godawful terrible thing for us.
49
00:04:06,452 --> 00:04:07,476
Love you.
50
00:04:09,656 --> 00:04:13,024
Yeah, yeah, I know, it's a little sad
that we bet on celebrities to die,
51
00:04:13,126 --> 00:04:16,619
but, hey, what can I say?
I don't have many hobbies.
52
00:04:16,729 --> 00:04:18,529
Think maybe he's dead?
53
00:04:19,264 --> 00:04:23,936
Fish? Did you kill yourself? Because if
you didn't kill yourself, answer the door.
54
00:04:24,637 --> 00:04:26,105
- Hey.
- Hey.
55
00:04:26,239 --> 00:04:28,299
Six years and you've never missed a re-ante.
56
00:04:28,441 --> 00:04:29,602
Where were you, buddy?
57
00:04:32,645 --> 00:04:36,605
Well, where shall I start? Oh, I know.
58
00:04:36,716 --> 00:04:39,015
My girlfriend's being probed
on a regular basis
59
00:04:39,118 --> 00:04:42,486
by some Antonio Banderas-looking
motherfucker with a massive dick.
60
00:04:42,622 --> 00:04:44,887
- So there's that.
- What are you talking about?
61
00:04:45,024 --> 00:04:48,085
Yesterday I accidentally hacked
into Jenn's Facebook account,
62
00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:49,354
like I normally do,
63
00:04:49,495 --> 00:04:53,262
and I'm reading her inbox,
two messages in, boom, there it is.
64
00:04:53,366 --> 00:04:57,269
A big description of some bastard
with a huge cock.
65
00:04:57,370 --> 00:04:59,839
- What?
- Here it is.
66
00:05:00,973 --> 00:05:03,465
- Sebastian Hollingbone.
- Damn!
67
00:05:03,576 --> 00:05:06,705
I know, right? It's like he's born
to be on the cover of a romance novel.
68
00:05:06,846 --> 00:05:10,942
He is the Latin Fabio. Oh, my God,
he is beautiful. Just chiselled and...
69
00:05:11,084 --> 00:05:13,986
Calm down, Tommy. Thank you.
You're not fucking helping.
70
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:15,179
It's not natural.
71
00:05:15,321 --> 00:05:18,917
What makes you think Jenn is banging
this roided-out meathead anyway?
72
00:05:19,058 --> 00:05:22,051
Uh... This. And I shall recite.
73
00:05:22,562 --> 00:05:25,191
"I long to stroke on your foot-long cock.
74
00:05:25,331 --> 00:05:28,597
To lick it all over from the base to the top.
75
00:05:28,735 --> 00:05:32,001
Once it is hard I'd like it inside me,
76
00:05:32,138 --> 00:05:35,199
to poke and to prod
and to lead me to ecstasy."
77
00:05:39,112 --> 00:05:43,140
- Fuck! I've gotta stop reading it.
- Damn, that is graphic.
78
00:05:43,282 --> 00:05:44,682
I mean, what the fuck?
79
00:05:44,784 --> 00:05:48,721
Almost three years
and she's writing this guy dick poetry.
80
00:05:48,821 --> 00:05:50,949
Okay, yeah, that is a cock poem.
81
00:05:51,090 --> 00:05:54,788
But on the bright side
it is a terrible cock poem.
82
00:05:54,961 --> 00:05:58,329
Yeah. The metre's abysmal.
The rhymes are forced.
83
00:05:58,431 --> 00:06:00,366
She'll never get it published.
84
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:04,801
Is... That's what you're telling me?
That it's not gonna get published?
85
00:06:07,507 --> 00:06:10,534
You fucking dickheads! That's not the point!
86
00:06:10,643 --> 00:06:12,373
The point is, why is she doing it?
87
00:06:12,512 --> 00:06:15,641
Jenn's barely even touched
my tiny knob recently.
88
00:06:16,816 --> 00:06:21,186
Let alone use iambic pentameter
to describe it.
89
00:06:22,021 --> 00:06:24,786
And now I know why. Because of Sebastian.
90
00:06:24,924 --> 00:06:26,916
Every fucking picture of him is shirtless!
91
00:06:27,059 --> 00:06:29,392
It's like he's allergic to shirts!
92
00:06:29,529 --> 00:06:32,226
I wear shirts.
You guys, you got shirts? Yeah?
93
00:06:32,365 --> 00:06:35,267
- Wearing a shirt right now.
- Yeah, cos you're fucking normal.
94
00:06:38,438 --> 00:06:41,636
Okay, dude, dude. Come on, man.
Fuck this guy. Fuck Jenn.
95
00:06:41,774 --> 00:06:43,766
Who the hell does she think
she's cheating on?
96
00:06:43,876 --> 00:06:46,175
You're Paul "the Fish" Fishman.
97
00:06:47,447 --> 00:06:48,745
Thanks, Tommy.
98
00:06:49,782 --> 00:06:53,878
But I've gotta be honest.
I don't have a very big dick.
99
00:06:54,053 --> 00:06:58,388
Okay, you know, neither do I. Just more of
a Korean genetic thing, but that's fine.
100
00:06:58,491 --> 00:07:02,622
That's why we own a Hollywood club.
We overcompensate. That's what we do.
101
00:07:02,762 --> 00:07:05,596
Once we renovate
you'll be knee-deep in all the pussy
102
00:07:05,698 --> 00:07:09,499
a 25 per cent investor
with a mediocre member can handle. Huh?
103
00:07:09,635 --> 00:07:11,297
How do you like that?
104
00:07:11,437 --> 00:07:14,168
Yeah, obviously that...
that sounds good, you know.
105
00:07:15,174 --> 00:07:18,770
But I think I'm losing it. You know,
everywhere I look I see Sebastian.
106
00:07:19,912 --> 00:07:25,112
Everywhere. He's behind you,
by the way, mocking my tiny penis.
107
00:07:27,119 --> 00:07:28,519
Hey, gotta remain positive.
108
00:07:28,654 --> 00:07:31,187
Where's the old optimistic Fish? Come on.
109
00:07:31,723 --> 00:07:35,993
I don't know. I think he's been defeated
by Sebastian's hollingbone.
110
00:07:36,128 --> 00:07:40,545
Dude, I need you to be strong for me.
I really need you right now.
111
00:07:40,666 --> 00:07:43,134
Okay, I'm sorry. Okay? It... I'm just...
112
00:07:43,269 --> 00:07:45,431
- Shaking me all the time, you know?
- I'm sorry.
113
00:07:45,538 --> 00:07:47,939
Breakups suck. I get it.
You have nothing to worry about.
114
00:07:48,107 --> 00:07:51,635
- Okay, look. Blue skies ahead, buddy.
- You gotta buck the fuck up.
115
00:07:51,744 --> 00:07:55,010
Hasselhoff's throwing an after party
at your nightclub this Saturday.
116
00:07:55,147 --> 00:07:57,139
- The Hoff?
- The Hoff.
117
00:07:57,283 --> 00:08:00,014
- Is he gonna sing?
- Yes. No!
118
00:08:00,152 --> 00:08:04,151
No? Okay, good. I'll try and make it.
119
00:08:04,271 --> 00:08:08,102
If I'm still of sound body and mind.
120
00:08:09,662 --> 00:08:11,358
Yeah, okay.
121
00:08:11,497 --> 00:08:14,626
Wait, wait. That feels weird.
122
00:08:14,734 --> 00:08:16,134
- I'm sorry.
- Don't cry.
123
00:08:16,669 --> 00:08:18,729
So, yeah, I had Hasselhoff in the death pool
124
00:08:18,871 --> 00:08:20,669
and was also hosting his after party.
125
00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,535
Just cos I want Hasselhoff to die
doesn't mean that I'm not gonna try
126
00:08:24,677 --> 00:08:27,442
to make a couple of bucks off of him
while he's still alive.
127
00:08:27,547 --> 00:08:29,311
It's a win-win.
128
00:08:35,121 --> 00:08:40,719
There he is. Here's my guy. Come on.
Not you. Hey. How are you?
129
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,852
- Hi, Tommy.
- You must be real proud of this guy.
130
00:08:43,963 --> 00:08:45,693
Yeah, I am.
131
00:08:45,798 --> 00:08:46,925
- Refill?
- Yes, please.
132
00:08:47,066 --> 00:08:48,090
Zoink.
133
00:08:48,901 --> 00:08:52,167
So... Ann, where's Susan?
134
00:08:53,105 --> 00:08:57,270
I'm sorry, but my roommate's never
gonna sleep with you. She's engaged.
135
00:08:57,376 --> 00:09:01,177
I forgot that she's engaged.
Why does she have to be engaged?
136
00:09:01,314 --> 00:09:03,806
Because engaged people
can't have sex with other people.
137
00:09:03,950 --> 00:09:06,977
But, wait, they can! And I'm gonna do it.
138
00:09:07,119 --> 00:09:10,283
I'm gonna have sex with her and you
can't stop me from having sex with her
139
00:09:10,389 --> 00:09:13,223
because I'm already having sex
with her in my head right now.
140
00:09:13,359 --> 00:09:14,622
Oh... Ah...
141
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:19,289
Okay, yeah, that's very nice, Susan.
Oh. Don't make Ann watch. That's...
142
00:09:19,398 --> 00:09:20,957
- Whoo!
- Stop.
143
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:22,398
Copy that.
144
00:09:27,373 --> 00:09:29,001
Dolores.
145
00:09:30,376 --> 00:09:34,609
- Fishman, you okay?
- Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I'm...
146
00:09:35,348 --> 00:09:36,577
No. Yep.
147
00:09:36,716 --> 00:09:38,378
- Good lad.
- I...
148
00:09:38,517 --> 00:09:39,712
All right, everyone.
149
00:09:40,853 --> 00:09:46,793
Let's give a warm welcome to our founder
and CEO, Mr Richard Mayweather.
150
00:09:48,728 --> 00:09:49,752
Welcome.
151
00:09:50,162 --> 00:09:52,722
All right, let's get down to business.
152
00:09:52,832 --> 00:09:56,826
Now, company profits
have stalled in the third quarter.
153
00:09:56,969 --> 00:10:01,998
I've been thinking long and hard
about how to turn things around
154
00:10:02,141 --> 00:10:03,666
and here's some thoughts.
155
00:10:03,809 --> 00:10:08,941
I want you to consider the difference
between steel and pudding.
156
00:10:09,048 --> 00:10:11,176
They're both made out of molecules...
157
00:10:13,051 --> 00:10:14,552
Sebastian!
158
00:10:16,786 --> 00:10:20,860
It seems, my lady, that my manhood
has sprung to attention.
159
00:10:21,594 --> 00:10:26,794
My dew-soaked ladydom awaits your staff!
160
00:10:27,499 --> 00:10:29,562
I wish to ravish you on this table!
161
00:10:29,669 --> 00:10:32,070
- Sebastian! Yes, please!
- Oh!
162
00:10:32,204 --> 00:10:34,969
Ravish away, Sebastian.
163
00:10:35,074 --> 00:10:37,703
- My previous lover never gave me...
- Don't... Don't do that!
164
00:10:37,843 --> 00:10:41,905
That's right, Fishman.
We can no longer stay passive.
165
00:10:44,884 --> 00:10:48,286
My desire must be sated
in the most forbidden of places.
166
00:10:48,421 --> 00:10:53,052
Now dispose of your skirt and prepare
to receive many sweet reams.
167
00:10:53,192 --> 00:10:54,854
Oh! Yes!
168
00:10:54,994 --> 00:10:56,656
No!
169
00:11:03,135 --> 00:11:05,331
You're not fucking her, do you hear?
170
00:11:05,471 --> 00:11:08,930
I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!
I'll rip your love muscle right off!
171
00:11:09,075 --> 00:11:11,408
Do you hear me? I'll kill you!
172
00:11:20,753 --> 00:11:24,155
- This is gonna be a big money night!
- It fucking better be.
173
00:11:25,691 --> 00:11:28,752
Chris, you worry too much about money.
Look at me.
174
00:11:28,894 --> 00:11:34,834
I have two pairs of pants, two pairs
of shirts, no underwear and I'm happy.
175
00:11:34,934 --> 00:11:38,871
- Yeah, cos you're always high.
- Yeah, I forgot about that.
176
00:11:38,971 --> 00:11:42,772
You even have weed in your hair.
Just a big...
177
00:11:46,278 --> 00:11:51,080
I've been looking all over for you!
I better go smoke this.
178
00:11:51,183 --> 00:11:55,780
Now if I'm not back in 20 minutes,
it means I forgot to come back.
179
00:11:55,921 --> 00:11:57,856
- What was I doing again?
- Good luck, Rob.
180
00:11:57,957 --> 00:12:01,860
Every time he walks away I feel like
it's the last time I'll ever see him.
181
00:12:03,696 --> 00:12:07,531
Amazing, tonight, everybody. Simply amazing.
182
00:12:07,666 --> 00:12:10,602
"Has he still got it?"
Hell, you never lost it.
183
00:12:12,653 --> 00:12:14,734
Habitat, here we come!
184
00:12:16,609 --> 00:12:20,603
Barry? Let's go to Orchid.
185
00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:22,204
Orchid it is.
186
00:12:30,756 --> 00:12:32,952
Ah! Hey, Barry.
187
00:12:33,092 --> 00:12:35,618
Everything is all set
for Mr Hasselhoff's arrival,
188
00:12:35,761 --> 00:12:36,990
so what's the ETA?
189
00:12:37,129 --> 00:12:40,031
Chris, unfortunately we're not gonna
be able to make it tonight.
190
00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:42,795
Mr Hasselhoff has changed his mind.
191
00:12:42,935 --> 00:12:45,734
- One of his many talents.
- What the hell are you talking about?
192
00:12:45,838 --> 00:12:48,307
Well, we need someplace
a little fancier, you know?
193
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,432
Are you fucking kidding me? We had a deal!
194
00:12:50,576 --> 00:12:53,808
You are mistaken
if you think that cussing and yelling
195
00:12:53,946 --> 00:12:57,041
is gonna make us magically appear
at your shitty little club.
196
00:12:57,183 --> 00:13:00,153
Let me speak to David Hasselhoff
directly, please.
197
00:13:00,252 --> 00:13:02,856
Bye, cocksucker. Goodbye.
198
00:13:04,857 --> 00:13:05,916
Hello?
199
00:13:06,625 --> 00:13:07,923
Fuck!
200
00:13:08,761 --> 00:13:09,785
He's not coming.
201
00:13:12,464 --> 00:13:14,023
Maybe I should go home.
202
00:13:22,174 --> 00:13:24,803
Boss, we got us a little problem.
203
00:13:24,944 --> 00:13:26,674
- Who's in the VIP suite?
- Jenna D'Andrea.
204
00:13:26,812 --> 00:13:29,043
- And that's a problem why?
- She's only 16.
205
00:13:29,181 --> 00:13:31,776
- What?!
- It shows that you signed off on her,
206
00:13:31,884 --> 00:13:34,547
which is weird as hell
cos the girl's on a kids' TV show.
207
00:13:50,236 --> 00:13:51,636
Oh, shit!
208
00:13:51,770 --> 00:13:54,672
- You Ricky's dude with the X?
- No, I'm the owner.
209
00:13:54,807 --> 00:13:57,038
Well, your name ain't on the guest list.
210
00:13:57,176 --> 00:14:00,840
What? The owner ain't gotta be
on the guest list, homie!
211
00:14:00,980 --> 00:14:02,414
Hey, let him in. He's cute.
212
00:14:02,581 --> 00:14:05,847
I've always wanted to have sex
with a tiny Asian man.
213
00:14:05,985 --> 00:14:07,078
It's on my fuck-it list!
214
00:14:07,987 --> 00:14:11,218
- Hi. I need to talk...
- Don't talk, eat this.
215
00:14:12,191 --> 00:14:14,660
- What was that?
- It's a lude, man.
216
00:14:14,793 --> 00:14:16,193
Lude? What the fuck are you?
217
00:14:16,295 --> 00:14:17,991
- A Vietnam vet?
- Shh!
218
00:14:18,097 --> 00:14:21,932
No negativity here. Positive vibes only.
219
00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:24,059
You need to grow.
220
00:14:24,203 --> 00:14:27,071
- Speaking of grow...
- No, no, no!
221
00:14:27,206 --> 00:14:28,731
Mom!
222
00:14:31,477 --> 00:14:35,244
It's always so good to see
my little girl making new fuck buddies.
223
00:14:35,347 --> 00:14:36,906
- You're her mom?
- Yeah.
224
00:14:37,049 --> 00:14:39,450
We're just trying
to ditch that kiddie-star rep
225
00:14:39,618 --> 00:14:41,109
and stir up some controversy.
226
00:14:41,253 --> 00:14:43,848
No, no! Okay, well, this time is over.
227
00:14:43,956 --> 00:14:46,619
What the fuck is going on in my VIP suite?
228
00:14:46,725 --> 00:14:48,318
Oh, my...
229
00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:51,225
And the mom?! You disgust me.
230
00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:53,128
I will not stand by
231
00:14:53,265 --> 00:14:56,963
and have you turn
this Judeo-Christian-friendly
232
00:14:57,102 --> 00:15:01,563
Hollywood nightclub
into a fucking whorehouse. Huh?
233
00:15:01,707 --> 00:15:05,439
So, Grace Jones,
stop making out with white Grace Jones.
234
00:15:05,577 --> 00:15:08,513
Girl from
The Ring? Flacco and Chalupa?
235
00:15:08,681 --> 00:15:11,674
Pack up your dildos,
batten down your anal beads
236
00:15:11,784 --> 00:15:14,879
and take this orgy to the streets
where you belong
237
00:15:14,987 --> 00:15:18,253
because this party is over.
238
00:15:18,357 --> 00:15:21,456
This party ain't over
till I say it's over, bitch.
239
00:15:24,496 --> 00:15:27,155
My eyes! My eyes!
240
00:15:31,503 --> 00:15:34,200
Insanity outside
a Hollywood nightclub last night.
241
00:15:34,340 --> 00:15:37,003
A huge star being smuggled out undercover
242
00:15:37,142 --> 00:15:40,874
after claims of being sexually abused
by the nightclub owner.
243
00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:42,505
So who is this woman?
244
00:15:42,681 --> 00:15:45,810
It's child star Jenna D'Andrea,
claiming that Chris Kim,
245
00:15:45,951 --> 00:15:49,319
owner of Hollywood club Habitat,
sexually assaulted her.
246
00:15:49,421 --> 00:15:52,118
She says that he put his face in her crotch.
247
00:16:23,022 --> 00:16:25,548
- Annie, listen.
- I don't wanna hear it, Chris.
248
00:16:25,724 --> 00:16:29,718
I mean, seriously,
I feel like this is a bad dream.
249
00:16:29,828 --> 00:16:32,821
Me too! It's a fucking nightmare. I just...
250
00:16:32,965 --> 00:16:35,560
I know you're furious
but can you at least hear me out?
251
00:16:35,734 --> 00:16:37,168
How long have you been doing this?
252
00:16:37,269 --> 00:16:40,000
Doing what?
I haven't done anything they said I did.
253
00:16:40,139 --> 00:16:43,268
Really? So you weren't doing coke
and groping an underage girl?
254
00:16:43,409 --> 00:16:45,844
I saw it, Chris. The whole world saw it!
255
00:16:45,978 --> 00:16:50,746
- My mom called me crying last night.
- Fuck. Your mom saw it.
256
00:16:50,849 --> 00:16:52,249
Everybody's mom saw it!
257
00:16:52,384 --> 00:16:56,151
This is a ridiculous misunderstanding.
You gotta believe me.
258
00:16:56,255 --> 00:17:00,454
You know, I'm a teacher, Chris.
My students watch her show.
259
00:17:00,592 --> 00:17:03,585
Just imagine what I'm gonna deal with
at work tomorrow!
260
00:17:03,762 --> 00:17:05,230
Annie...
261
00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:09,494
Will you just go?
262
00:17:09,635 --> 00:17:12,628
Please. Just go.
263
00:17:13,439 --> 00:17:14,771
Annie...
264
00:17:30,422 --> 00:17:35,884
I'm broke, lost my fiancée
and the Hoff just won't die.
265
00:17:36,028 --> 00:17:40,329
Can we change the sad music, please?
God, I'm pathetic.
266
00:17:44,870 --> 00:17:47,032
- You wearing a wire?
- Why would I wear a wire?
267
00:17:47,139 --> 00:17:49,472
That's what people say
when they are wearing a wire.
268
00:17:49,608 --> 00:17:51,042
Now it's time to spread 'em.
269
00:17:52,344 --> 00:17:55,508
- Fine. Go ahead.
- Sorry. Just doing my job, guy.
270
00:17:55,647 --> 00:17:57,479
Hey! Hey! Is your job supposed to be checking
271
00:17:57,616 --> 00:17:59,881
for a tiny listening device
strapped to my taint?
272
00:18:00,018 --> 00:18:03,455
- In a sense, that's exactly what it is.
- Fantastic.
273
00:18:03,555 --> 00:18:06,957
- Your mother must be very proud.
- Yeah, she is, actually.
274
00:18:07,092 --> 00:18:10,153
I'm her favourite. Where do you fall
in your family's pecking order?
275
00:18:10,295 --> 00:18:12,127
I'm guessing somewhere near the bottom.
276
00:18:13,732 --> 00:18:17,225
- I saw you on TV this morning.
- I didn't do it. Not any of it.
277
00:18:18,036 --> 00:18:19,732
The old "I didn't do it".
278
00:18:19,905 --> 00:18:23,034
Popular phrase in this town.
Unfortunately it doesn't always work.
279
00:18:28,981 --> 00:18:30,449
- Okay.
- Sorry.
280
00:18:30,549 --> 00:18:32,177
- No.
- Okay.
281
00:18:32,317 --> 00:18:34,752
Mr Kim, so today is payday.
282
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,322
Mr Wasserstein,
I'm actually asking for an extension.
283
00:18:38,457 --> 00:18:41,359
An extension? That's a...
That's a ballsy request.
284
00:18:41,493 --> 00:18:44,190
No, I just need a little more time.
Just, just anything.
285
00:18:44,329 --> 00:18:46,389
Mr Kim, if you'll indulge me a brief story.
286
00:18:46,532 --> 00:18:49,764
I call it the parable of the loaves.
287
00:18:49,935 --> 00:18:50,994
Jesus Christ.
288
00:18:54,072 --> 00:18:57,975
Years ago there was a ten-year-old boy
living in Brooklyn.
289
00:18:58,110 --> 00:19:01,137
His mother was crazy. His father a drunk.
290
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:05,308
So naturally he had
to fend for himself most of the time
291
00:19:05,417 --> 00:19:06,976
and in that he was hungry,
292
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:10,180
he took to stealing scraps of bread
from a local baker.
293
00:19:10,322 --> 00:19:15,351
They knew and it was no big deal.
But soon enough, the boy got cocky.
294
00:19:15,494 --> 00:19:17,156
He started stealing more and more.
295
00:19:17,296 --> 00:19:20,892
Now, the baker had a son
around the same age as this little boy
296
00:19:20,999 --> 00:19:27,132
and one day the baker's son witnessed
the boy stuffing an entire loaf of bread
297
00:19:27,239 --> 00:19:32,234
down into his drawstring pantaloons.
Now, stealing scraps, that's one thing.
298
00:19:32,377 --> 00:19:36,439
I'm sure you would agree an entire loaf,
well, that's another matter entirely.
299
00:19:37,015 --> 00:19:41,009
So for three months
the baker's son beat the boy bloody,
300
00:19:41,153 --> 00:19:44,783
until it was certain
that he had learned his lesson.
301
00:19:44,957 --> 00:19:47,552
That boy who stole the bread...
302
00:19:48,660 --> 00:19:51,061
- That was you?
- What? No. Fuck, no.
303
00:19:51,196 --> 00:19:53,825
I was the boy who beat the shit
out of that boy. The baker's son.
304
00:19:53,999 --> 00:19:55,262
The point is this, Mr Kim.
305
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,232
You owe me $400,000
306
00:19:57,369 --> 00:20:02,205
and I really enjoy beating the shit
out of people who steal from me.
307
00:20:02,341 --> 00:20:04,572
I just need a little breathing room.
308
00:20:04,676 --> 00:20:06,770
Mr Kim, you should consider
your breathing room
309
00:20:06,945 --> 00:20:10,404
is the fact that you are now
currently still breathing.
310
00:20:13,952 --> 00:20:16,387
Now you gave me your word
that you would give me the 400K
311
00:20:16,488 --> 00:20:19,083
on a date that we both agreed upon, Mr Kim.
312
00:20:19,224 --> 00:20:23,685
If one man cannot take another
man's word, all order is lost.
313
00:20:23,829 --> 00:20:30,429
And still, Mr Kim, I'm rooting for you.
Nick, however, not so much.
314
00:20:35,841 --> 00:20:38,310
You have 72 hours beginning now, Mr Kim.
315
00:20:38,844 --> 00:20:40,878
Okay. Thank you, sir.
316
00:20:44,216 --> 00:20:47,311
You could have supported me just
a little bit more with the bread story.
317
00:20:47,452 --> 00:20:49,648
You and your hyperbole.
Now it's a whole loaf?
318
00:20:49,788 --> 00:20:51,120
I'm being hyperbolic?
319
00:20:51,256 --> 00:20:54,283
Yes! It's a whole loaf that he's
stuffing into a pair of drawstring...
320
00:20:54,426 --> 00:20:58,124
That's the whole point of the story.
It starts nice with a little scrap.
321
00:20:58,263 --> 00:21:01,290
I mean, he's looking at me like,
"Then what, then what?"
322
00:21:01,433 --> 00:21:03,402
You said pantaloons. You said pantaloons.
323
00:21:03,502 --> 00:21:06,062
- That's exactly what he was wearing.
- Whatever. Okay.
324
00:21:06,204 --> 00:21:08,139
- That's what I had.
- Maybe you're right.
325
00:21:08,273 --> 00:21:11,141
I had dungarees, he had pantaloons
and I watched him stuffing it.
326
00:21:11,276 --> 00:21:12,335
It might have been a bun.
327
00:21:12,477 --> 00:21:14,469
- Maybe you're right.
- Go fuck yourself.
328
00:21:15,213 --> 00:21:16,613
Let's go down the list.
329
00:21:16,715 --> 00:21:20,015
I'm accused of dealing drugs,
serving alcohol to a minor,
330
00:21:20,118 --> 00:21:23,350
sexual assault on that minor,
so Ann kicked me out.
331
00:21:23,488 --> 00:21:25,684
Plus, I owe 400 grand to a goddamn psychopath
332
00:21:25,824 --> 00:21:28,419
and my last-hope investor
lost his fucking mind.
333
00:21:28,527 --> 00:21:32,623
- Ah, Fish.
- Yeah, Fish. His brain melted.
334
00:21:33,332 --> 00:21:36,530
A 5150. A 72-hour psychiatric hold.
335
00:21:37,569 --> 00:21:39,265
This is some heavy shit.
336
00:21:40,272 --> 00:21:44,903
- Why'd you go to Wasserstein?
- Because I'm desperate, Tommy.
337
00:21:45,677 --> 00:21:48,579
I will help you with anything you need.
338
00:21:49,581 --> 00:21:50,776
So you'll lend me the money?
339
00:21:50,916 --> 00:21:55,377
I would love to give you the money
but I don't have the money, okay?
340
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,684
Work's not going great.
The last two shows failed.
341
00:21:58,790 --> 00:22:01,589
Look, if
Redneck Atheist works out,
then we're good,
342
00:22:01,727 --> 00:22:04,287
but I gotta tell you
this thing's been real hard to cast.
343
00:22:04,396 --> 00:22:06,194
No, no. No, no.
344
00:22:06,865 --> 00:22:09,994
Thanks. It's my shit storm
so I'll take care of it.
345
00:22:10,168 --> 00:22:13,570
I'll tell you what I can do.
I can talk to Ann. She trusts me.
346
00:22:17,476 --> 00:22:21,811
I'll go over there and explain
that you don't touch kids... any more.
347
00:22:37,996 --> 00:22:39,294
Come on!
348
00:22:39,931 --> 00:22:41,426
Shit!
349
00:22:46,938 --> 00:22:47,997
Come on!
350
00:22:50,976 --> 00:22:55,914
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck you! Fuck!
351
00:22:56,715 --> 00:22:58,081
Shit!
352
00:23:10,195 --> 00:23:11,629
Oh, come on!
353
00:23:11,763 --> 00:23:13,391
Fresh garbage, buddy.
354
00:23:17,772 --> 00:23:19,829
David Hasselhoff? Yeah!
355
00:23:19,971 --> 00:23:22,770
This will fetch so many Deutschmarks
on the market.
356
00:23:24,242 --> 00:23:27,974
Even the hobo loves the Hoff.
Let me guess. German.
357
00:23:28,079 --> 00:23:30,378
Why does everyone keep saying that?
It's so strange.
358
00:23:30,482 --> 00:23:33,418
But enough about me.
What's wrong with you? You look so sad.
359
00:23:33,552 --> 00:23:34,781
You're like a sad, sad man.
360
00:23:34,886 --> 00:23:36,855
Speak to me, sad man, of your sadness.
361
00:23:36,988 --> 00:23:40,789
I feel like the whole world
is taking a gigantic piss on my head.
362
00:23:40,892 --> 00:23:44,488
I can relate to this so hard. Just this
morning a Schnauzer pissed on my face.
363
00:23:44,629 --> 00:23:46,894
But it's okay. It's karma. You know why?
364
00:23:47,032 --> 00:23:50,366
Because two days ago
I was urinating on
his face. What?
365
00:23:50,469 --> 00:23:53,496
When life shits on you, you shit right back.
366
00:23:58,710 --> 00:24:02,841
Yes. That actually makes
a lot of sense right now.
367
00:24:02,981 --> 00:24:06,474
I know, right? It's why I fling faeces
at people I don't like.
368
00:24:06,618 --> 00:24:08,382
Not you, though. You're very, very nice.
369
00:24:08,487 --> 00:24:12,219
You're like a Mr Miyagi with a toupee
minus 20 years and 20 pounds.
370
00:24:12,324 --> 00:24:15,590
You're, like, waxing on and off
all day long! I love you!
371
00:24:16,495 --> 00:24:18,293
Also, can I give you a hand job for a dollar?
372
00:24:19,931 --> 00:24:21,991
- No?
- How about a beer?
373
00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:24,035
- Okay.
- You like to drink, probably?
374
00:24:24,135 --> 00:24:26,263
Yes, I'm a raging alcoholic.
375
00:24:28,707 --> 00:24:29,902
Shit!
376
00:24:34,613 --> 00:24:37,482
Hey. The hand job's on me.
377
00:24:55,967 --> 00:25:00,735
You eyeing me now? You want a go?
You judge me all you want!
378
00:25:00,872 --> 00:25:03,933
It ain't my fault
Mama's Family
was cancelled in 1986.
379
00:25:04,075 --> 00:25:07,876
And like the Dark Knight said,
it is always darkest before the dawn.
380
00:25:07,979 --> 00:25:11,040
I'm a good person
and I'm stronger than you know
381
00:25:11,149 --> 00:25:13,521
and I will persevere with my dignity!
382
00:25:17,455 --> 00:25:20,289
Annie? I'm not breaking in.
383
00:25:20,392 --> 00:25:24,557
I really need to talk to you.
Shit's gone really bad.
384
00:25:25,664 --> 00:25:27,895
I'm so sorry
about what happened the other night.
385
00:25:27,999 --> 00:25:29,729
I said a lot of things that I regret.
386
00:25:29,868 --> 00:25:31,131
Annie?
387
00:25:31,303 --> 00:25:34,000
No, no, no. Chris, hey, hey.
388
00:25:35,006 --> 00:25:38,499
Jesus Christ! Really, you chose
to come out of the shower right now?
389
00:25:38,610 --> 00:25:41,944
- What are you doing here?
- What am
I doing here? What...?
390
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,605
So you said you were gonna talk to Ann?
391
00:25:43,748 --> 00:25:45,216
- I did talk...
- Huh, pal?
392
00:25:45,383 --> 00:25:46,373
I did talk to her!
393
00:25:46,518 --> 00:25:48,180
- Chris!
- Chris!
394
00:25:49,688 --> 00:25:51,350
Where's Susan?
395
00:25:51,489 --> 00:25:52,718
- I don't know.
- Oh...
396
00:25:52,824 --> 00:25:54,622
It's a sebaceous cyst. It's not a big deal.
397
00:26:04,435 --> 00:26:05,995
Fuck! Fuck!
398
00:26:28,994 --> 00:26:31,156
When life shits on you...
399
00:26:32,631 --> 00:26:34,759
you shit right back.
400
00:26:48,947 --> 00:26:50,643
- Hi, Fish.
- Hey.
401
00:26:51,616 --> 00:26:53,141
I don't know how to play this game.
402
00:26:53,251 --> 00:26:55,777
- Is that moustache real?
- Of course it's real.
403
00:26:56,888 --> 00:26:59,790
I'm sorry, you're... You're looking good.
404
00:26:59,891 --> 00:27:04,454
- Do you want a grilled cheese sandwich?
- No, I'm fine.
405
00:27:04,596 --> 00:27:08,055
You sure?
I had the nurse make it. It's Colby.
406
00:27:08,199 --> 00:27:11,363
I'm actually in the middle
of a very exciting experiment.
407
00:27:11,503 --> 00:27:15,235
Every day I get a different sandwich
with the same cheese in it.
408
00:27:15,373 --> 00:27:16,773
Which cheese is winning?
409
00:27:17,375 --> 00:27:20,209
Well, it's the same cheese every time.
It's a Colby.
410
00:27:23,281 --> 00:27:24,840
If you're not gonna eat that...
411
00:27:26,685 --> 00:27:27,812
it's gonna go to waste.
412
00:27:28,687 --> 00:27:32,624
Because I'm telling you now,
Sebastian will not touch it.
413
00:27:34,025 --> 00:27:37,928
He's over there. Look.
Lifting weights. Look at him.
414
00:27:38,797 --> 00:27:40,026
So muscly.
415
00:27:40,131 --> 00:27:42,396
Don't stare at him.
That's what he wants you to do.
416
00:27:42,534 --> 00:27:43,661
He likes it when you look.
417
00:27:43,802 --> 00:27:46,533
God, I'm so sorry. You really lost your mind.
418
00:27:47,472 --> 00:27:51,068
I don't think I've lost it.
I think it's been misplaced.
419
00:27:51,209 --> 00:27:52,700
- That's why I'm here.
- Yeah.
420
00:27:52,844 --> 00:27:55,245
I'm looking for it.
Searching around, you know?
421
00:27:55,947 --> 00:27:57,745
While we're on the subject of losing minds,
422
00:27:57,882 --> 00:28:01,046
I feel like I've... I've misplaced mine.
423
00:28:02,654 --> 00:28:05,146
- I heard that you molested some kids.
- No. No...
424
00:28:05,290 --> 00:28:08,124
- What the fuck you doing that for?
- No.
425
00:28:08,259 --> 00:28:09,750
I'm going off what I heard.
426
00:28:11,963 --> 00:28:15,058
I just found out that Ann is fucking Tommy.
427
00:28:15,166 --> 00:28:16,691
What the fuck?!
428
00:28:18,303 --> 00:28:21,831
- Ann is actually Tommy?
- No, no, no. No.
429
00:28:21,940 --> 00:28:23,306
That makes sense!
430
00:28:24,776 --> 00:28:28,144
You can see it. They're never
in the same room at the same time.
431
00:28:30,081 --> 00:28:31,982
No, they are. They are. A lot.
432
00:28:33,051 --> 00:28:35,520
They're in the same room a lot.
That makes no sense.
433
00:28:35,653 --> 00:28:38,248
No, my best friend is fucking Ann!
434
00:28:39,390 --> 00:28:43,452
I am not! You know what?
You get out! Security!
435
00:28:44,295 --> 00:28:46,958
G'day, mate.
Just another grilled cheese sandwich.
436
00:28:47,799 --> 00:28:53,136
- Yep. Two eyes. One pointer.
- Not you. Tommy!
437
00:28:53,905 --> 00:28:55,134
- Right.
- Yeah.
438
00:28:55,874 --> 00:28:57,137
I see.
439
00:28:58,076 --> 00:29:00,102
I'm not your best friend.
440
00:29:00,211 --> 00:29:01,679
I meant to say...
441
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:04,478
Tommy's my second-best friend.
442
00:29:04,616 --> 00:29:08,212
Good. Okay. That's more like it.
443
00:29:08,353 --> 00:29:11,881
In fact, that's classic
second-best-friend behaviour.
444
00:29:13,324 --> 00:29:14,724
I feel for you.
445
00:29:16,427 --> 00:29:18,555
My life is in shambles, man.
446
00:29:18,696 --> 00:29:21,097
The only way I can deal with it is...
447
00:29:21,199 --> 00:29:23,395
I have to kill Hasselhoff.
448
00:29:28,306 --> 00:29:31,174
Yeah. It's the only way
to turn my life around.
449
00:29:31,309 --> 00:29:32,709
To win the death pool money.
450
00:29:33,745 --> 00:29:35,714
- He's had a pretty good life.
- Yes, yeah.
451
00:29:36,347 --> 00:29:41,047
Exactly. I'm not a murderer. I don't
want to do this. I'm not like Dexter.
452
00:29:41,186 --> 00:29:42,984
- Fuck, no. You're not Dexter.
- No.
453
00:29:43,121 --> 00:29:44,180
- You kidding me?
- Yeah.
454
00:29:44,322 --> 00:29:47,349
- He plans things out. He's meticulous.
- Thank you.
455
00:29:47,458 --> 00:29:48,983
Shh, shh, shh.
456
00:29:49,127 --> 00:29:53,155
Just keep things on the down.
Before Sebastian and I became buddies
457
00:29:53,264 --> 00:29:56,359
I actually wrote a list in my journal
458
00:29:56,467 --> 00:29:59,869
of the many ways I wanted to kill Sebastian.
459
00:30:00,405 --> 00:30:03,068
Now, it's pretty much endless.
460
00:30:03,208 --> 00:30:05,973
Well, it's three pages, but...
Check it out. Look.
461
00:30:06,077 --> 00:30:07,636
Gun, okay?
462
00:30:07,779 --> 00:30:09,543
Rope. Candlestick.
463
00:30:09,681 --> 00:30:12,446
I was playing a board game at the time
when I came up with those ones.
464
00:30:12,617 --> 00:30:15,086
Horse accident. Is he into horses?
465
00:30:15,887 --> 00:30:17,549
- No.
- I don't think so.
466
00:30:17,689 --> 00:30:20,682
A monkey attack. Scarf caught on sidecar.
467
00:30:20,825 --> 00:30:23,056
- You got a sidecar? No.
- No.
468
00:30:23,194 --> 00:30:24,856
Mortal Combat?
469
00:30:24,996 --> 00:30:26,294
- That's a game.
- Yeah.
470
00:30:26,431 --> 00:30:28,423
- Bullfight.
- Mm.
471
00:30:28,566 --> 00:30:29,659
Difficult.
472
00:30:29,801 --> 00:30:32,566
Funny berries?
Just sort of get him to come over.
473
00:30:32,704 --> 00:30:36,163
"Hey, look at these funny berries
I found in your garden.
474
00:30:36,274 --> 00:30:38,106
I've had a couple. They're fine."
475
00:30:38,877 --> 00:30:41,813
Sinkhole? You hear about those big holes
that suddenly appear?
476
00:30:41,913 --> 00:30:44,678
It was on the news.
Half a town's been swallowed up?
477
00:30:44,816 --> 00:30:46,284
Get him into one of those towns.
478
00:30:46,417 --> 00:30:50,718
Anyway, it's all in there. You take it.
It's out of my hands now, see?
479
00:30:50,855 --> 00:30:53,791
Now, don't show that to Sebastian
on your way out, will you?
480
00:30:53,892 --> 00:30:57,124
I know what you're thinking.
I've mended my bridges.
481
00:30:57,262 --> 00:30:59,595
This is for you, to burn yours.
482
00:31:01,065 --> 00:31:03,000
Thank you so much. Thank you, Fish.
483
00:31:03,101 --> 00:31:04,694
- Get well.
- All right. Good.
484
00:31:05,904 --> 00:31:08,032
Wait! Check it out.
485
00:31:08,139 --> 00:31:10,734
David Hasselhoff has a shellfish allergy.
486
00:31:10,875 --> 00:31:13,504
- That's my phone.
- Yeah, sorry about that. I just...
487
00:31:13,645 --> 00:31:15,910
I've learnt a bit of light finger in here.
488
00:31:16,047 --> 00:31:18,539
Anyway, that could help you out.
Shellfish allergy.
489
00:31:18,716 --> 00:31:20,446
- Okay. Thanks.
- Okay. All right. Go.
490
00:31:20,551 --> 00:31:21,610
Oh, wait.
491
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:23,315
Here.
492
00:31:23,454 --> 00:31:26,014
Thirty Lorazepaz, all right?
493
00:31:26,958 --> 00:31:30,451
It says do not mix with grapefruit
juice. Could cause fatal reaction.
494
00:31:31,029 --> 00:31:33,328
Might help you on your job.
495
00:31:33,464 --> 00:31:35,228
- Okay, thank you.
- Okay. Good.
496
00:31:35,333 --> 00:31:37,564
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
497
00:31:37,735 --> 00:31:38,828
Wait!
498
00:31:44,575 --> 00:31:47,568
Take that as well.
Quick, before they see the switch.
499
00:31:51,983 --> 00:31:53,144
I'm fine.
500
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:58,319
All right. Time to kill Hasselhoff.
501
00:31:58,456 --> 00:32:01,051
To be clear, this isn't about me.
502
00:32:01,159 --> 00:32:02,684
I'm doing society a favour.
503
00:32:04,095 --> 00:32:08,123
Okay, maybe it is about me,
but I had to gather some intel first.
504
00:32:21,578 --> 00:32:23,305
Cover your grey chest hair.
505
00:32:25,183 --> 00:32:30,019
David Hasselhoff!
I come bearing wonderful gifts.
506
00:32:30,154 --> 00:32:32,783
Is your manager
like the Penguin or something?
507
00:32:32,924 --> 00:32:36,156
Eight fantastic scripts.
508
00:32:37,595 --> 00:32:41,088
Not interested. What, you didn't
get my email last night?
509
00:32:41,199 --> 00:32:42,724
Yeah, I got it.
510
00:32:42,900 --> 00:32:46,029
- Are you drinking again?
- No, no.
511
00:32:46,704 --> 00:32:47,933
No.
512
00:32:48,039 --> 00:32:49,837
So you were thinking clearly
513
00:32:49,974 --> 00:32:53,138
when you sent me that email
that said two words:
514
00:32:53,244 --> 00:32:55,372
superhero musical?
515
00:32:55,513 --> 00:32:58,142
- Superhero musical?
-
Crystal. Let's go down the list.
516
00:32:58,249 --> 00:33:01,151
First of all, I have the voice of an angel.
517
00:33:01,652 --> 00:33:05,248
I look phenomenal in tights.
I'm stronger than most men.
518
00:33:05,390 --> 00:33:08,258
Even though I don't have
superhuman strength per se, I...
519
00:33:08,393 --> 00:33:11,192
All right. Let's just not forget something.
520
00:33:11,329 --> 00:33:14,128
You're David Hasselhoff.
You're not Christian Bale.
521
00:33:14,232 --> 00:33:16,633
- Whoa! Whoa. Whoa.
- Let me finish.
522
00:33:17,568 --> 00:33:22,131
Christian Bale
wishes he was David Hasselhoff.
523
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:25,574
Thank you. Come on.
I'm super famous all over the world.
524
00:33:25,676 --> 00:33:28,441
I mean, hell, in half of Europe
I
am a goddamn superhero!
525
00:33:28,579 --> 00:33:30,673
Barry, I know what your problem is.
526
00:33:30,848 --> 00:33:33,977
When you look at me you see this
perfectly chiselled tanned exterior.
527
00:33:34,085 --> 00:33:38,250
What you don't see underneath
is this complicated human heart I have.
528
00:33:38,389 --> 00:33:42,190
I wanna show the world the real me.
I wanna go full Hoff.
529
00:33:42,293 --> 00:33:44,785
Just read one script!
I'm begging you. Please!
530
00:33:44,962 --> 00:33:48,694
Look, if it's a rights issue,
we could create our own superhero.
531
00:33:48,866 --> 00:33:51,267
Like... Electric Man.
532
00:33:51,402 --> 00:33:53,666
He could shoot lightning bolts
out of his dick.
533
00:33:54,672 --> 00:33:58,200
- It isn't a rights issue.
- What?
534
00:33:58,309 --> 00:34:00,437
Do you remember
what we talked about last week?
535
00:34:00,578 --> 00:34:04,310
Obtainable goals. Obtainable.
536
00:34:04,449 --> 00:34:07,009
Barry, I have driven a talking car.
537
00:34:07,118 --> 00:34:10,646
I have saved people's lives
from mutant electric eels.
538
00:34:10,788 --> 00:34:14,316
- On TV!
- And in real life.
539
00:34:17,929 --> 00:34:21,491
You have an autograph signing
in two hours. Let's just focus on that.
540
00:34:21,632 --> 00:34:23,658
Because
that is real.
541
00:34:23,801 --> 00:34:28,068
And I am a goddamn certified
modern-day superhero.
542
00:34:28,206 --> 00:34:32,075
And I am going to prove it to you. Love you.
543
00:34:35,113 --> 00:34:36,479
Mean it.
544
00:34:40,485 --> 00:34:43,512
Great. Now I've gotta kill a guy
who shoots lightning out of his dick.
545
00:34:59,402 --> 00:35:01,068
Sit down.
546
00:35:01,172 --> 00:35:03,573
Sit. May I?
547
00:35:05,309 --> 00:35:06,641
Please, relax.
548
00:35:08,478 --> 00:35:11,273
I realise this is probably
a highly unpleasant situation for you
549
00:35:11,382 --> 00:35:14,079
so let's do some deep breathing
so as to better centre ourselves.
550
00:35:14,185 --> 00:35:15,744
What do you say?
551
00:35:16,787 --> 00:35:18,511
All right.
552
00:35:23,728 --> 00:35:25,094
There. All better.
553
00:35:25,763 --> 00:35:28,062
I want you to tell me
where I can find Chris Kim.
554
00:35:28,166 --> 00:35:31,796
- I don't know where he is.
- Bullshit. Start talking, lady.
555
00:35:31,936 --> 00:35:36,306
It's... it's the truth. I swear.
He thinks I slept with his best friend.
556
00:35:36,407 --> 00:35:38,808
- I haven't been in touch with him.
- Who gives a fuck?
557
00:35:38,943 --> 00:35:41,879
Chris tells me that you two
share a joint bank account?
558
00:35:42,013 --> 00:35:44,744
- I would like to see that.
- It's basically empty.
559
00:35:44,882 --> 00:35:47,943
Chris is terrible with money.
He's in way over his head.
560
00:35:48,119 --> 00:35:51,715
- Yes. He is.
- Please don't hurt him.
561
00:35:51,822 --> 00:35:56,123
Little lady, please don't be confused
by my tranquillity.
562
00:35:56,227 --> 00:35:58,822
You're sitting with a man
who does bad things to good people.
563
00:35:58,963 --> 00:36:00,591
- Whoa, whoa.
- Hey, hey.
564
00:36:00,731 --> 00:36:02,359
Hey.
565
00:36:02,500 --> 00:36:04,731
You can check. There's nothing.
566
00:36:05,636 --> 00:36:07,366
My cheque book is in there. You can...
567
00:36:13,110 --> 00:36:16,046
You expect me to believe
he has nothing? No investments?
568
00:36:16,180 --> 00:36:18,206
No 401K? IRA? Nothing at all?
569
00:36:18,349 --> 00:36:20,851
He doesn't have any investments. He's...
570
00:36:21,385 --> 00:36:24,321
Unless David Hasselhoff drops dead,
he's basically destitute.
571
00:36:24,422 --> 00:36:26,050
Wait. Whoa. Excuse me. What was that?
572
00:36:26,190 --> 00:36:29,183
- He doesn't have any money.
- Not that part. The talking-car guy.
573
00:36:29,327 --> 00:36:31,728
- What are you talking about?
- Hasselhoff.
574
00:36:31,829 --> 00:36:35,163
Chris is in some stupid
celebrity death pool with his friends.
575
00:36:35,266 --> 00:36:38,759
If David Hasselhoff dies, he wins
something like a half a million dollars.
576
00:36:38,869 --> 00:36:42,397
Half-mil if the Hoff kicks the bucket?
Fuck me. I want a piece of that.
577
00:36:42,540 --> 00:36:46,068
Yeah, you know what? I do too.
578
00:36:46,744 --> 00:36:49,737
All right. Thank you very much for
your time. We'll see ourselves out.
579
00:36:49,847 --> 00:36:52,282
Nick, what's the name of that place
we passed on the way in?
580
00:36:52,416 --> 00:36:54,442
- Cattleman's?
- Yeah. I could use a steak.
581
00:36:54,585 --> 00:36:58,386
Sounds good. Maybe a blooming onion.
Should I leave this closed or open?
582
00:37:00,191 --> 00:37:02,090
I'll just leave it open.
583
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:12,702
Be damned if this jacket
doesn't fit just like a glove.
584
00:37:12,837 --> 00:37:16,968
- David, you look great.
- Like a second skin, Barry.
585
00:37:17,108 --> 00:37:20,203
You know, I hate to sound egotistical,
but if I was a woman, I would...
586
00:37:20,311 --> 00:37:23,770
You'd do yourself. Yes, I know.
You said that inside already.
587
00:37:23,881 --> 00:37:28,114
And honestly, buddy, there's no way to
say that without sounding egotistical,
588
00:37:28,252 --> 00:37:30,687
so you just might wanna
pump the brakes on that one.
589
00:37:30,821 --> 00:37:33,256
Okay, let's get going. We're running late.
590
00:37:33,391 --> 00:37:37,021
- KITT, calculate time to destination.
-
Calculating, Michael.
591
00:37:37,194 --> 00:37:41,928
Time to destination:
12 minutes, 14.63 seconds.
592
00:37:42,066 --> 00:37:44,626
Oh, no, no. I missed a spot.
593
00:37:47,471 --> 00:37:49,838
- Thanks, buddy.
- Seriously?
594
00:37:49,940 --> 00:37:53,138
- How much is he paying you?
- Nothing. He...
595
00:37:53,277 --> 00:37:56,008
He's hooking me up with a part
in his superhero musical, man.
596
00:37:56,147 --> 00:37:59,208
- But there is no superhero mu...
- But there will be.
597
00:37:59,317 --> 00:38:03,220
There will be.
KITT, engage super pursuit mode.
598
00:38:03,321 --> 00:38:05,722
Super pursuit mode engaged, Michael.
599
00:38:20,037 --> 00:38:21,300
If you've never been,
600
00:38:21,439 --> 00:38:24,739
let me assure you
that Venice Beach is batshit crazy.
601
00:38:24,875 --> 00:38:27,709
So if ever there was a town
where I could blend in
602
00:38:27,845 --> 00:38:31,043
and inconspicuously kill the star
of "Knight Rider", this was it.
603
00:38:32,349 --> 00:38:37,244
Whoa. Spend a lot of time in
the panty-grab, huh? Just kidding!
604
00:38:44,562 --> 00:38:46,997
Hi. Excuse me. Can I have one large pizza?
605
00:38:50,568 --> 00:38:53,333
- Here you go. Keep the change.
- Thank you, sir.
606
00:39:05,750 --> 00:39:06,774
Thank you very much.
607
00:39:11,355 --> 00:39:13,119
Jessica and Rose.
608
00:39:13,290 --> 00:39:15,486
Wow! You look good in that bathing suit.
609
00:39:15,593 --> 00:39:17,994
Hell, you'll never drown!
610
00:39:18,129 --> 00:39:21,588
There you go, Rose.
Have a lovely day and call me later.
611
00:39:25,403 --> 00:39:27,099
I loved you as Nick Fury.
612
00:39:27,905 --> 00:39:30,397
You look just like me. Barry, get his number.
613
00:39:30,541 --> 00:39:33,534
If I ever wanna fuck myself,
I'll give you a call.
614
00:39:35,579 --> 00:39:37,514
Excuse me, excuse me.
615
00:39:37,615 --> 00:39:39,743
Special delivery coming through. Excuse me.
616
00:39:39,850 --> 00:39:41,842
Barry, feeling a little dry.
617
00:39:50,761 --> 00:39:51,785
Next.
618
00:39:51,929 --> 00:39:53,761
Sorry about that. Sorry. Excuse me.
619
00:39:53,864 --> 00:39:56,356
So sorry about that. I'm sorry.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
620
00:39:58,769 --> 00:40:00,362
Hell, no. Are you tryin' to cut?
621
00:40:01,539 --> 00:40:03,735
I'm not trying to cut and get an autograph.
622
00:40:03,841 --> 00:40:06,675
I'm here to make a special delivery
to your overlord.
623
00:40:06,811 --> 00:40:10,179
Each of us aspires
to receive sage wisdom from the Hoff.
624
00:40:10,347 --> 00:40:11,576
- Yeah!
- That's right, yeah!
625
00:40:11,682 --> 00:40:14,652
What is with you guys?
Are you guys, like, a gang?
626
00:40:14,785 --> 00:40:18,449
We're just fans, bro. Hoff army! Hoff army!
627
00:40:22,059 --> 00:40:25,962
- Dude, and, like, that's normal?
- I'm sorry. Am I not normal?
628
00:40:26,063 --> 00:40:28,191
Oh, you're very normal, Professor Klump,
629
00:40:28,365 --> 00:40:31,631
and by the way the Fat Albert call-backs
are down the street.
630
00:40:31,769 --> 00:40:33,465
- Fat Albert?
- Hey, dickhead!
631
00:40:33,604 --> 00:40:35,573
What about me? Am I normal?
632
00:40:35,673 --> 00:40:38,440
More or less, midget John Stamos.
633
00:40:39,577 --> 00:40:42,012
- Fuck you, man.
- Let me go.
634
00:40:44,482 --> 00:40:47,042
- Okay!
- Hey! Hey!
635
00:40:47,184 --> 00:40:49,210
Hey, hey, hey!
636
00:41:03,901 --> 00:41:05,028
Get the buoy!
637
00:41:05,135 --> 00:41:08,071
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Hoff will take a ten-minute break.
638
00:41:08,205 --> 00:41:11,039
- He'll be back to sign your autographs.
- But don't worry.
639
00:41:11,141 --> 00:41:13,667
There's a huge after party at my house.
640
00:41:14,678 --> 00:41:17,273
Excuse me.
Could we wrap up this beating, please?
641
00:41:17,448 --> 00:41:20,543
- I have other things to do today.
- No!
642
00:41:21,485 --> 00:41:25,479
Yeah, that worked out well.
Obviously I suck at murdering.
643
00:41:25,623 --> 00:41:28,821
And now my life is about
to get a whole lot more complicated.
644
00:41:34,064 --> 00:41:35,225
You Nick?
645
00:41:40,671 --> 00:41:41,934
So Redix, huh?
646
00:41:42,072 --> 00:41:44,667
What's that? First name, last name, nickname?
647
00:41:44,775 --> 00:41:47,745
One word. Redix. Like Madonna.
648
00:41:48,712 --> 00:41:50,977
Cher. Jewel.
649
00:41:52,550 --> 00:41:55,042
- Redix.
- Oh.
650
00:41:56,921 --> 00:41:58,583
Chocolate cake. Okay.
651
00:42:01,458 --> 00:42:05,725
So, Redix, are you up to speed
on what Wasserstein needs you to do?
652
00:42:05,863 --> 00:42:07,559
Oh, yeah, baby.
653
00:42:07,698 --> 00:42:10,497
It's a shame, though.
I'm a fan of David Hasselhoff.
654
00:42:10,601 --> 00:42:12,570
- Yeah.
- He a beautiful man.
655
00:42:12,703 --> 00:42:16,265
Tall. Wonderful hair. Sexy motherfucker.
656
00:42:16,373 --> 00:42:18,308
- Mm-mm.
- Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.
657
00:42:18,475 --> 00:42:21,274
Got, like, that Tom Selleck thing going
on. You know what I'm saying?
658
00:42:21,378 --> 00:42:23,347
Except without the Selleck 'stache.
659
00:42:23,514 --> 00:42:27,679
Could you imagine Hasselhoff
with a Selleck 'stache? Oh...
660
00:42:29,019 --> 00:42:31,887
Damn. I'm getting hard
just thinking about that.
661
00:42:31,989 --> 00:42:34,982
- What, are you gay?
- Yeah, you got a problem with that?
662
00:42:35,125 --> 00:42:38,926
No! I just... I mean, I would never...
I mean, look at...
663
00:42:39,029 --> 00:42:40,691
Yeah, I get it.
664
00:42:40,798 --> 00:42:43,324
You're fucking with me.
That's good. You almost got me.
665
00:42:43,500 --> 00:42:46,129
Didn't your mom ever tell you
not to judge a book by its cover?
666
00:42:46,236 --> 00:42:48,535
- Yeah, but...
- But? But? But nothing.
667
00:42:48,639 --> 00:42:50,301
Let's get one thing straight.
668
00:42:50,407 --> 00:42:54,003
I'm a gigantic rage-filled
mocha-skinned badass
669
00:42:54,144 --> 00:42:58,809
and I kill people for a living.
So, yeah, my cover's hard as fuck.
670
00:42:58,949 --> 00:43:02,386
But inside it's a gay-ass book, baby.
671
00:43:03,253 --> 00:43:06,052
Who's a motherfucker gotta blow
to get some milk around here?
672
00:43:06,190 --> 00:43:09,058
- Here, take my milk.
- I ain't drinking your milk!
673
00:43:09,193 --> 00:43:10,525
- Why not?
- That's gross.
674
00:43:10,628 --> 00:43:13,325
- You took my cake.
- Cake's one thing. Milk's another.
675
00:43:13,430 --> 00:43:14,989
A man needs his own cup of milk.
676
00:43:15,132 --> 00:43:17,363
You put dicks in your mouth
and you won't drink my milk?
677
00:43:17,534 --> 00:43:20,003
You pour some milk inside a dick,
I'll drink that shit.
678
00:43:20,137 --> 00:43:22,834
But I ain't drinking it
out of your nasty-ass cup.
679
00:43:23,340 --> 00:43:25,775
- You people confuse the hell outta me.
- Black people?
680
00:43:25,876 --> 00:43:28,869
- No! Gay people.
- Okay. Okay.
681
00:43:29,013 --> 00:43:31,608
I'm fine with that. That's confusing
to some people. I get it.
682
00:43:35,252 --> 00:43:39,019
After having the shit kicked out
of me by those Hoff-loving carnies,
683
00:43:39,156 --> 00:43:41,284
it was time for plan B.
684
00:44:07,618 --> 00:44:08,711
Hey, man. You Korean?
685
00:44:08,852 --> 00:44:11,014
- Nah, Chinese, dude.
- Close enough.
686
00:44:30,641 --> 00:44:33,805
Gena Lee Nolin. You still look hot.
687
00:44:33,911 --> 00:44:36,005
- Twenty years and you still look hot.
- Thank you.
688
00:44:36,113 --> 00:44:38,105
- You look the same as on
Baywatch.
- Thank you!
689
00:44:38,248 --> 00:44:40,410
You got my money, funny boy?
690
00:44:41,318 --> 00:44:44,880
Winslow! Holy mother of God,
you scared the shit out of me.
691
00:44:53,530 --> 00:44:54,828
Grapefruit juice.
692
00:45:09,046 --> 00:45:11,538
I haven't slept in days, player.
You know what's up.
693
00:45:13,050 --> 00:45:15,952
Life in the service industry.
You know what I'm sayin', player?
694
00:45:22,257 --> 00:45:26,488
Zoink! Gotta take care
of Mr Jack Hoff over there.
695
00:45:28,198 --> 00:45:29,996
Jack Hoff!
696
00:45:30,134 --> 00:45:31,796
Cos he's a jack-off.
697
00:45:31,935 --> 00:45:35,394
Do you know how many orgies this guy
ruined with his weird sound effects?
698
00:45:35,539 --> 00:45:38,204
I mean, God. The old favourite?
699
00:45:38,308 --> 00:45:40,707
- Oh, please.
- Oh, God.
700
00:45:40,811 --> 00:45:42,780
Mr Hasselhoff, I know you don't indulge.
701
00:45:42,913 --> 00:45:46,077
No, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Everybody, listen up!
702
00:45:46,183 --> 00:45:50,518
A toast! They say in life
there are no second acts.
703
00:45:50,621 --> 00:45:52,487
And what do I say to them?
704
00:45:52,589 --> 00:45:53,989
Fuck Hoff!
705
00:45:55,526 --> 00:45:58,963
I mean, sometimes there's five acts
and the finale!
706
00:45:59,096 --> 00:46:01,395
And then an encore!
707
00:46:01,532 --> 00:46:03,934
To the encore!
708
00:46:10,340 --> 00:46:12,571
Robot needs juice.
709
00:46:13,177 --> 00:46:15,140
Do you ever stop?
710
00:46:23,654 --> 00:46:26,647
Is there anyone at this party I like?
711
00:46:27,224 --> 00:46:29,723
- Me?
- How about a three-way?
712
00:46:39,803 --> 00:46:41,203
Rick Fox.
713
00:46:41,338 --> 00:46:43,773
The most attractive man in the NBA.
714
00:46:43,874 --> 00:46:46,537
David Hasselhoff.
The most attractive man in Hollywood.
715
00:46:47,543 --> 00:46:51,040
- Hoff and the Fox!
- Yeah! Fox and the Hoff!
716
00:46:55,385 --> 00:46:57,854
Well, see you around.
717
00:46:57,988 --> 00:47:00,822
- Let's do this again sometime.
- Okay.
718
00:47:03,794 --> 00:47:05,092
Caitlyn Jenner.
719
00:47:05,229 --> 00:47:08,393
You haven't changed a bit!
Come here, you old motherfucker.
720
00:47:15,038 --> 00:47:17,872
I need everybody's attention!
721
00:47:18,008 --> 00:47:19,169
Uh...
722
00:47:22,679 --> 00:47:24,443
No, no, no, no!
723
00:47:33,090 --> 00:47:35,423
- All right...
- Save him! Weren't you a lifeguard?
724
00:47:35,525 --> 00:47:37,187
No. No, I just played one on TV.
725
00:47:37,861 --> 00:47:40,228
Better save him, David.
It's a huge liability.
726
00:47:40,330 --> 00:47:43,323
Oh! Ah! Shit!
727
00:47:58,048 --> 00:47:59,812
Why is he running in slow motion?
728
00:48:27,577 --> 00:48:29,671
Okay. All right. Okay.
729
00:48:29,780 --> 00:48:30,748
All right.
730
00:48:30,914 --> 00:48:33,509
One, two, three, four, five. Breathe.
731
00:48:33,650 --> 00:48:35,175
He's not breathing. I need some help.
732
00:48:35,319 --> 00:48:38,153
Little man, come here, help me.
Okay, when I say breathe, you breathe.
733
00:48:38,288 --> 00:48:40,484
One, two, three, four, five. Breathe.
734
00:48:40,590 --> 00:48:43,719
One, two, three, four, five.
Breathe, little man.
735
00:48:43,860 --> 00:48:46,386
One, two, three, four, five.
Come on, Michael, come on.
736
00:48:46,530 --> 00:48:50,058
Oh! Oh, oh, yeah.
737
00:48:50,167 --> 00:48:52,693
Oh, no. Oh, whoa.
738
00:48:52,803 --> 00:48:56,069
He's choking. Hang on, I got you,
I got you, I got you.
739
00:49:01,278 --> 00:49:03,971
All right, little man, you okay?
740
00:49:05,081 --> 00:49:08,011
Barry! Where the hell have you been?
741
00:49:08,151 --> 00:49:11,315
I just saved two people's lives.
You were in there getting a hand job.
742
00:49:11,421 --> 00:49:14,983
You are fired for the next five minutes
until I calm down.
743
00:49:19,730 --> 00:49:23,292
I think The Black Keys got their name
from this toy keyboard, which is odd.
744
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:25,130
You never hear about the white keys.
745
00:49:25,235 --> 00:49:28,103
They'd be a bigger group.
They must have come here at some point.
746
00:49:28,205 --> 00:49:30,765
- Focus.
- Foc... I'm in the focus group.
747
00:49:30,907 --> 00:49:33,900
- No, no, no. What's going on?
- I'm focusing.
748
00:49:34,044 --> 00:49:35,774
Now. Now. What's going on?
749
00:49:35,912 --> 00:49:39,178
Yesterday we had soup, but it was off.
They said it was seafood chowder.
750
00:49:39,316 --> 00:49:42,753
It was just off. Tonight it's Scrabble
night. I'm the only one playing.
751
00:49:42,853 --> 00:49:45,186
Chris is gonna kill Hasselhoff.
Line up your slippers.
752
00:49:45,322 --> 00:49:47,314
- Go back. Go back.
- Line up your slippers?
753
00:49:47,424 --> 00:49:49,620
Chris is gonna...
Chris is gonna kill Hasselhoff.
754
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:51,126
I gotta go find Hoff's house.
755
00:49:51,228 --> 00:49:53,857
No, he's gonna kill Hassel...
I tried to stop him!
756
00:49:54,031 --> 00:49:56,660
But I may have given him some murder ideas.
757
00:49:58,668 --> 00:50:01,638
Sebastian, they weren't meant for you.
They were not meant for you.
758
00:50:01,772 --> 00:50:06,642
They were meant for you, but we changed.
We're a mended bridge.
759
00:50:07,744 --> 00:50:09,235
Do you like The Black Keys?
760
00:51:03,500 --> 00:51:05,093
Barry!
761
00:51:06,203 --> 00:51:10,800
Hi, David.
Hey, you really gotta read this script.
762
00:51:10,907 --> 00:51:12,899
It's about the guy
that founded Toys For Tits.
763
00:51:13,676 --> 00:51:15,944
Tots. Toys For Tots.
764
00:51:16,113 --> 00:51:19,811
Toys For Tits. That's a better title.
Now that's a script I'd read.
765
00:51:27,290 --> 00:51:31,227
Okay, so nothing I tried
was working to off the Hoff.
766
00:51:31,328 --> 00:51:35,963
This guy just won't die. So I had
to resort to more drastic measures.
767
00:51:38,168 --> 00:51:41,570
Excuse me, little girl.
Do you know of any Glocks in the area?
768
00:51:48,478 --> 00:51:51,880
Hi, hi, hi. Excuse me.
769
00:51:51,982 --> 00:51:54,144
Hi. Hi.
770
00:51:55,585 --> 00:51:57,144
What's up, bro? Can I help you, man?
771
00:51:57,287 --> 00:51:59,382
Yeah, I would, um... I'd...
772
00:52:00,524 --> 00:52:03,255
- I don't know how to phrase this.
- Phrase what, amigo?
773
00:52:05,395 --> 00:52:08,194
- Ah, ah, ah, ah. Spit it out, bro.
- A gun.
774
00:52:08,331 --> 00:52:13,395
- I... I need a gun. A gun.
- Oh! You're asking me for a gun?
775
00:52:13,537 --> 00:52:16,200
So you assume because I'm Latino
and I'm walking down the street
776
00:52:16,339 --> 00:52:18,205
that I just know
where you can get a gun, bro?
777
00:52:18,341 --> 00:52:21,572
Okay, when you put it that way,
I understand...
778
00:52:23,079 --> 00:52:25,105
You're in my heart, bro.
779
00:52:25,282 --> 00:52:27,911
I like to think in this day and age,
with the colour of my skin,
780
00:52:28,018 --> 00:52:30,544
it doesn't dictate whether
I know where you can buy a gun.
781
00:52:30,687 --> 00:52:32,315
No, it's not about the colour...
782
00:52:32,422 --> 00:52:35,221
What else do you want? Drugs?
783
00:52:35,358 --> 00:52:37,224
An empanada recipe? Let me guess.
784
00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:39,727
Directions to George Lopez's house?!
785
00:52:39,829 --> 00:52:42,628
Please don't stab me in the neck.
I'm a bleeder.
786
00:52:45,902 --> 00:52:47,370
Got you!
787
00:52:47,504 --> 00:52:52,943
Homie, I'm just messing with you, bro.
I was workshopping my Latino accent.
788
00:52:53,043 --> 00:52:56,377
Check it, check it, check it, check it.
I'm an actor.
789
00:52:56,513 --> 00:52:57,742
Oh!
790
00:52:57,847 --> 00:53:00,840
Yeah,
Big-Time Rush. You ever see that?
791
00:53:01,651 --> 00:53:02,914
No, no.
792
00:53:03,019 --> 00:53:07,616
No? Fuck it. Look, um...
I am now selling guns as my day job.
793
00:53:07,757 --> 00:53:09,919
- Oh, how wonderful!
- Yeah.
794
00:53:10,026 --> 00:53:13,861
- I love it when actors get work.
- Yeah, man. Do you have 300 bucks?
795
00:53:13,997 --> 00:53:16,660
Sorry. I have 200.
796
00:53:16,800 --> 00:53:18,996
Two hundred. Look, I'll make it work.
797
00:53:19,135 --> 00:53:21,798
- Meet me round the corner, all right?
-
Si.
798
00:53:26,876 --> 00:53:27,935
Bye,
vato.
799
00:53:29,980 --> 00:53:32,347
David, do I have to even ask?
800
00:53:32,449 --> 00:53:38,252
My superhero is a master of swords.
A swordsmith.
801
00:53:38,388 --> 00:53:40,983
Is that a word? Swordsmith?
802
00:53:41,091 --> 00:53:46,496
- There is no superhero musical.
- Maybe not now, but there will be.
803
00:53:46,630 --> 00:53:47,689
Pull!
804
00:53:50,867 --> 00:53:52,062
Pull!
805
00:53:57,007 --> 00:53:59,841
There's no superhero musical.
806
00:54:06,283 --> 00:54:08,775
Okay, I'm running out of options and time.
807
00:54:08,885 --> 00:54:10,581
I need to get close to Hoff again.
808
00:54:10,687 --> 00:54:14,624
Gotta love social media.
Nice photo, you well-coiffed prick.
809
00:54:33,043 --> 00:54:35,911
- Can I help you?
-
Yeah. Is this Mr Hasselhoff?
810
00:54:36,046 --> 00:54:37,708
Depends on who the fuck you are.
811
00:54:37,847 --> 00:54:41,306
Uh... I'm... I'm Chris. From Bird Oasis.
812
00:54:41,451 --> 00:54:43,215
I know you normally come into the office
813
00:54:43,353 --> 00:54:45,083
but we had some issues with this employee
814
00:54:45,221 --> 00:54:47,019
who worked on your two cockatoos last.
815
00:54:47,123 --> 00:54:49,092
I don't mean to cause any alarm but...
816
00:54:49,225 --> 00:54:51,956
This employee wasn't
doing anything sexual, was he?
817
00:54:52,095 --> 00:54:56,624
What? No, no, that's
a really weird conclusion to draw.
818
00:54:56,733 --> 00:54:59,259
There's been issues with the medications.
819
00:54:59,436 --> 00:55:01,928
We decided to do some house calls
on our very important...
820
00:55:02,072 --> 00:55:04,166
- All right. Come on in.
-
Thank you.
821
00:55:20,256 --> 00:55:23,454
That means "How are you?" in German.
You say,
"Gut."
822
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:24,493
Gut.
823
00:55:24,594 --> 00:55:27,655
That means "good". Come on in.
824
00:55:29,265 --> 00:55:30,927
Gorgeous. Who is she?
825
00:55:31,067 --> 00:55:33,195
- That's me.
-
Gut. Okay.
826
00:55:33,970 --> 00:55:35,771
- Beautiful room.
- Ah, thanks.
827
00:55:35,905 --> 00:55:38,602
I had it custom-built
for my babies here, Dolce and Gabbana.
828
00:55:39,942 --> 00:55:41,802
You look familiar.
829
00:55:43,580 --> 00:55:46,414
Yeah, I'm, uh... Chris from Bird Oasis.
830
00:55:46,549 --> 00:55:49,610
No, no. It's the mouth.
831
00:55:50,987 --> 00:55:56,324
Uh... I'm, uh... I, uh...
I do some... mouth modelling?
832
00:55:56,493 --> 00:55:58,989
- Crest White Strips commercial.
- Okay.
833
00:55:59,378 --> 00:56:01,924
Damn, I'm good! You were good
in that commercial, too.
834
00:56:02,031 --> 00:56:06,332
Great mouth. Anyway, make yourself
at home and take care of my babies.
835
00:56:06,503 --> 00:56:07,562
Call me if you need me.
836
00:56:07,704 --> 00:56:10,764
# Hoff stuff, baby, want some Hoff stuff
837
00:56:15,178 --> 00:56:17,807
# Free at last, kill the Hoff, kill the Hoff
838
00:56:17,947 --> 00:56:20,041
# Kill the Hoff, kill the Hoff
839
00:56:20,183 --> 00:56:21,515
# Kill the Hoff
840
00:56:21,618 --> 00:56:23,849
Huh? Nothing?
841
00:56:24,587 --> 00:56:27,182
I'm glad we had this talk, Dolce.
842
00:56:27,323 --> 00:56:29,924
Where was I?
Oh, yeah, I gotta kill your boss.
843
00:56:30,560 --> 00:56:33,826
Let's do this shit. I'm gonna do this.
844
00:56:47,744 --> 00:56:50,145
What the fuck am I doing?
845
00:57:03,659 --> 00:57:05,757
- I can't.
- Put down the gun, Chris.
846
00:57:05,994 --> 00:57:07,854
Jesus Christ!
847
00:57:09,263 --> 00:57:11,069
Did you hear that?
848
00:57:11,634 --> 00:57:14,297
David! I think I heard a gunshot.
849
00:57:14,437 --> 00:57:18,499
Barry, it's just the TV. Relax, bro.
850
00:57:18,641 --> 00:57:19,973
Read your scripts.
851
00:57:22,212 --> 00:57:24,909
- What are you doing here?
- Trying to stop you from shooting.
852
00:57:25,048 --> 00:57:28,314
- You're making a huge mistake.
- You fucking Ann was a huge mistake!
853
00:57:28,451 --> 00:57:31,979
I told you I didn't have sex with her.
It was Susan, her roommate.
854
00:57:32,088 --> 00:57:34,080
I told you I wanted to fuck her,
like, 45 times.
855
00:57:34,224 --> 00:57:35,886
- What?!
- Ah...
856
00:57:36,025 --> 00:57:39,018
She's engaged. Yes, I know.
And you know what? I don't care.
857
00:57:39,128 --> 00:57:42,030
I saw Annie half-naked
in her apartment with you!
858
00:57:42,131 --> 00:57:44,930
Unfortunate that she was coming
out of the shower at that time,
859
00:57:45,068 --> 00:57:48,038
but you of all fucking people
should understand a crazy mishap.
860
00:57:48,137 --> 00:57:50,834
- Do you need proof?
- I don't need fucking proof.
861
00:57:50,940 --> 00:57:53,034
Well, look at the... Whoa. Whoa.
862
00:57:53,142 --> 00:57:55,941
Wow. That is a lot of piercings
for one vagina.
863
00:57:56,079 --> 00:57:57,707
Look.
864
00:57:57,847 --> 00:57:59,475
Happy? Happy?
865
00:57:59,649 --> 00:58:01,641
- And this way.
- I was angry.
866
00:58:01,751 --> 00:58:03,913
Angry. Yeah.
867
00:58:05,054 --> 00:58:07,422
What the fuck am I thinking, dude?
868
00:58:24,373 --> 00:58:26,309
Gotta get the fuck out of here!
869
00:58:27,977 --> 00:58:29,172
Shit! Fuck!
870
00:58:29,312 --> 00:58:31,474
Large guy with a Glock.
Was that part of your plan?
871
00:58:31,648 --> 00:58:35,517
This is my first murder, dude. I'm just
making this shit up as I go along, man.
872
00:58:36,252 --> 00:58:37,447
I really fucked up.
873
00:58:37,587 --> 00:58:39,385
Man, I just... I fucked up.
874
00:58:39,522 --> 00:58:41,684
We're all gonna fucking die if the Glock...
875
00:58:41,791 --> 00:58:45,284
Don't be a fatalistic little bitch.
We'll get you the money somehow.
876
00:58:45,395 --> 00:58:46,920
Ann still loves you, asshole, okay?
877
00:58:47,063 --> 00:58:50,056
So screw your debt.
Screw the club. She loves you.
878
00:58:50,166 --> 00:58:52,328
That's all that matters.
Let's get out of here.
879
00:58:54,404 --> 00:58:57,306
- Oh, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, shit! Oh!
880
00:58:57,407 --> 00:58:59,706
Okay, don't shoot. Nobody shoot.
881
00:58:59,809 --> 00:59:01,175
Says the fool with the Ginsu.
882
00:59:01,311 --> 00:59:03,109
Who the fuck are you?
883
00:59:03,212 --> 00:59:04,942
Who the fuck am I? Who the fuck are we?
884
00:59:05,081 --> 00:59:09,075
Hey, Chris.
We've come to help you off the Hoff.
885
00:59:09,185 --> 00:59:11,177
And we're gonna take all that cash money.
886
00:59:11,321 --> 00:59:13,756
I can't wait to kill some people up in here.
887
00:59:13,890 --> 00:59:16,689
You can't kill me because if you do,
888
00:59:16,793 --> 00:59:19,126
I can't collect the money to pay Wasserstein.
889
00:59:19,228 --> 00:59:22,027
I bet you could collect the money
missing some of your fingers.
890
00:59:22,165 --> 00:59:25,499
Then the money would have blood over it.
Who wants to have bloody money?
891
00:59:25,635 --> 00:59:28,298
- Shut the fuck up! You got jumps?
- No. No, no.
892
00:59:29,439 --> 00:59:32,170
Please, don't make me pull the trigger.
893
00:59:32,308 --> 00:59:34,243
- You just call me nigger?
- What? No!
894
00:59:34,377 --> 00:59:36,573
- Cos it sounded like you said nigger.
- No, no, no!
895
00:59:36,746 --> 00:59:39,215
- I said don't make me pull the nigger!
- Trigger!
896
00:59:39,349 --> 00:59:40,647
Nigger?!
897
00:59:40,783 --> 00:59:42,752
- I heard it that time for sure.
- Not nigger!
898
00:59:42,852 --> 00:59:45,219
I'll shoot the first white motherfucker!
899
00:59:46,789 --> 00:59:48,587
I'll tell you what I do! I do that!
900
00:59:48,758 --> 00:59:50,590
Everybody, stop saying nigger!
901
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:52,855
Hey, what's going on?
902
00:59:53,463 --> 00:59:56,399
What? Wait! What? Oh! Oh! Oh!
903
00:59:56,532 --> 01:00:00,196
Oh, I get it. You're looking
for Ted Nugent's house.
904
01:00:00,336 --> 01:00:02,432
That's two doors down.
905
01:00:02,572 --> 01:00:05,403
Happens all the time.
If you like, I'll walk you over.
906
01:00:05,541 --> 01:00:07,066
Yeah, you're not in charge, Hoff.
907
01:00:07,210 --> 01:00:09,042
Little Asian guy's in charge.
908
01:00:09,178 --> 01:00:11,272
Specifically in charge
of what happens to you.
909
01:00:11,414 --> 01:00:13,076
Well, what's gonna happen to me?
910
01:00:13,216 --> 01:00:16,618
You know what? That's a pretty
fair question. Here's the thing, Hoff...
911
01:00:16,786 --> 01:00:18,015
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
912
01:00:18,154 --> 01:00:20,020
Listen, tough guy.
913
01:00:20,156 --> 01:00:23,558
You want something to do with my client,
you gotta go through me.
914
01:00:23,693 --> 01:00:25,457
With pleasure.
915
01:00:28,897 --> 01:00:30,731
You shot me in the foot!
916
01:00:32,435 --> 01:00:34,427
- Oh, it's in there deep!
- Run!
917
01:00:36,172 --> 01:00:37,572
Oh, my God!
918
01:00:37,707 --> 01:00:41,007
He's so much more handsome in person.
So tall.
919
01:00:41,477 --> 01:00:44,572
My foot hurts, but by heart feels great.
920
01:00:44,714 --> 01:00:48,116
Stop thinking with your dick and go
after him! I'll get those two assholes!
921
01:00:48,251 --> 01:00:50,277
My bad, my bad! You're right, you're right!
922
01:00:55,258 --> 01:00:57,695
You fuckers!
923
01:01:02,065 --> 01:01:03,590
- Where's your car?
- I Uber'd it.
924
01:01:03,700 --> 01:01:05,293
Uber'd it? Who Ubers to a murder?
925
01:01:08,137 --> 01:01:10,402
- Catch!
- That was our only gun!
926
01:01:10,506 --> 01:01:12,031
Jeez!
927
01:01:19,916 --> 01:01:20,940
Drop it.
928
01:01:24,420 --> 01:01:26,355
Shit! Fuck!
929
01:01:29,225 --> 01:01:31,285
What do you people want with me, anyway?
930
01:01:31,961 --> 01:01:34,089
I've never done anything to anybody.
931
01:01:34,230 --> 01:01:37,428
I got half a million reasons
and they all green, baby.
932
01:01:38,933 --> 01:01:40,990
Is this about money?
933
01:01:41,070 --> 01:01:43,369
You put a hit out on the Hoff for money?
934
01:01:47,643 --> 01:01:49,942
Memorabilia, you know,
it's quite a big thing.
935
01:01:50,079 --> 01:01:52,139
I got... I got bathing suits from
Baywatch!
936
01:01:52,281 --> 01:01:54,876
I stole one from every one of the girls
from the dressing rooms.
937
01:01:54,984 --> 01:01:57,579
Yeah. Yeah, I got
the Knight Rider car outside.
938
01:01:57,720 --> 01:01:59,689
You know KITT? You could sell KITT.
Lot of money.
939
01:01:59,856 --> 01:02:01,347
Lot of money for KITT, yeah.
940
01:02:01,491 --> 01:02:04,154
- I like all that shit. I'm a fan. I am.
- Good.
941
01:02:04,293 --> 01:02:06,853
But I work for a greedy motherfucker
that wants you dead.
942
01:02:07,363 --> 01:02:12,529
So, yeah, I love
Baywatch.
Knight Rider, that was my jam.
943
01:02:12,668 --> 01:02:14,261
- Oh!
- When I was 16 years old,
944
01:02:14,370 --> 01:02:17,738
I taped three pieces of red liquorice
to the dashboard of my Toyota Celica.
945
01:02:17,907 --> 01:02:20,877
Drove around like I was Michael Knight
on adventures and shit.
946
01:02:20,977 --> 01:02:25,073
I flew my ass to Gutenberg, Germany,
to watch you perform two nights.
947
01:02:25,181 --> 01:02:28,151
- Both nights you blew the roof off.
- Thank you. Thank you.
948
01:02:28,284 --> 01:02:29,752
- Amazing show.
- Thank you.
949
01:02:29,919 --> 01:02:32,411
Every Fräulein in that spot
had her panties wet.
950
01:02:32,555 --> 01:02:35,719
- I didn't wanna leave Germany.
- Okay. I get it. Thank you.
951
01:02:35,892 --> 01:02:37,520
But I got a job to do.
952
01:02:38,127 --> 01:02:40,494
So turn that candy ass around.
953
01:02:42,765 --> 01:02:45,098
Don't give me those baby blues.
954
01:02:45,568 --> 01:02:47,127
Don't you do it.
955
01:02:47,236 --> 01:02:50,798
Don't give me that winning smile.
Don't you dare.
956
01:02:50,973 --> 01:02:52,908
Turn that ass around!
957
01:02:53,943 --> 01:02:56,208
Yeah, real slow, like.
958
01:02:56,345 --> 01:02:57,779
Oh, good God.
959
01:02:57,947 --> 01:02:59,415
Look at that back.
960
01:03:00,516 --> 01:03:04,214
So shiny. Look like a planetarium.
961
01:03:06,022 --> 01:03:09,754
I just wanna fly my rocket ship
through your space.
962
01:03:10,993 --> 01:03:14,930
I'll tell you what,
another time, another place,
963
01:03:15,031 --> 01:03:17,159
I'd tear that ass up.
964
01:03:18,766 --> 01:03:20,065
Yeah, baby.
965
01:03:20,203 --> 01:03:21,535
That's what I'm talking about.
966
01:03:21,637 --> 01:03:24,038
- Just look out at the water.
- Okay.
967
01:03:24,173 --> 01:03:26,074
Think about saving some buxom bitch.
968
01:03:26,209 --> 01:03:28,178
Wha... What?
969
01:03:28,277 --> 01:03:30,007
Can I ask you a question?
970
01:03:30,813 --> 01:03:34,580
You ever thought about
growing a Selleck 'stache?
971
01:03:39,155 --> 01:03:43,820
Days like this make life worth living.
I gotta be honest with you guys.
972
01:03:43,993 --> 01:03:46,690
I've never killed anyone
in a house this nice.
973
01:03:47,563 --> 01:03:52,228
You wanna be a reality TV star?
I can make that happen.
974
01:03:54,270 --> 01:03:57,297
The... The... The Real Hitman of Los Angeles!
975
01:03:57,440 --> 01:04:01,172
Just drop the gun.
I'll set the whole thing up.
976
01:04:01,878 --> 01:04:05,357
I hate reality shows.
I'm more of a scripted guy.
977
01:04:08,651 --> 01:04:11,450
One, two, three.
978
01:04:14,257 --> 01:04:16,624
Dang! Fucking teeth!
979
01:04:16,726 --> 01:04:18,126
Chris!
980
01:04:25,101 --> 01:04:27,696
You killed my best friend.
981
01:04:43,352 --> 01:04:45,912
This ends right fucking now.
982
01:04:47,456 --> 01:04:50,722
Yes, it does, cocksucker!
983
01:04:52,628 --> 01:04:54,119
Don't rape me.
984
01:04:54,263 --> 01:04:57,859
I mean, kill me first
and then you can rape me. That's okay.
985
01:04:58,034 --> 01:05:02,631
Fool! Do I look like a rapist to you?
I don't rape nobody!
986
01:05:02,738 --> 01:05:04,673
I make love to my puppies.
987
01:05:10,379 --> 01:05:12,280
When you're backed into a corner...
988
01:05:13,516 --> 01:05:15,485
When life pushes you in one direction...
989
01:05:17,286 --> 01:05:19,949
and your heart tells you
to go in another direction...
990
01:05:20,890 --> 01:05:23,121
- You gotta dig deep.
- Yeah.
991
01:05:24,694 --> 01:05:26,686
Find the courage to make the right choice.
992
01:05:26,796 --> 01:05:28,492
Yeah. You do.
993
01:05:28,597 --> 01:05:30,930
- It may not be easy.
- No.
994
01:05:31,100 --> 01:05:34,400
But easy ain't always right.
995
01:05:36,205 --> 01:05:38,470
That's episode 213 of
Baywatch.
996
01:05:38,574 --> 01:05:41,009
-
Crack Crack Goes The Waves.
- Yeah.
997
01:05:41,177 --> 01:05:45,012
When Hobie bought all that crack and was
smokin' it with the kids at the beach.
998
01:05:45,181 --> 01:05:47,116
Started homin' out the other girls.
999
01:05:47,216 --> 01:05:49,378
You had to yell at him!
You gave him that speech!
1000
01:05:50,553 --> 01:05:54,923
- I wrote that scene.
- Man, I'm so conflicted.
1001
01:05:55,024 --> 01:05:56,788
- I don't know what to do.
- Okay.
1002
01:05:56,926 --> 01:06:00,727
Do I kill you or do I make sweet love to you?
1003
01:06:01,530 --> 01:06:02,759
Is there another choice?
1004
01:06:02,898 --> 01:06:05,800
Those are the only two choices we got, baby.
1005
01:06:05,935 --> 01:06:09,804
Either I murder you right here
or I murder that ass.
1006
01:06:09,939 --> 01:06:12,238
- No, I...
- I just don't know what I'm gonna do.
1007
01:06:12,375 --> 01:06:15,038
I'll tell you what you're not gonna do!
Kill my best friend!
1008
01:06:16,178 --> 01:06:18,147
Oh, man!
1009
01:06:18,247 --> 01:06:21,740
Get the fuck out of here!
1010
01:06:21,851 --> 01:06:25,913
Damn it, Redix! You're letting
your dick get in the way of your gun!
1011
01:06:26,022 --> 01:06:29,459
You need to kill this beautiful man.
Fuck this shit!
1012
01:06:29,592 --> 01:06:33,791
Yeah. Fuck this shit.
1013
01:06:34,797 --> 01:06:37,824
Didn't anybody ever tell you
not to bring a knife to a gunfight?
1014
01:06:37,967 --> 01:06:43,201
Didn't anyone ever tell you
not to hassle the Hoff?
1015
01:07:15,471 --> 01:07:18,491
Dick! You shot me in the dick!
1016
01:07:23,045 --> 01:07:25,241
- You okay?
- You saved my life.
1017
01:07:26,449 --> 01:07:29,009
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
1018
01:07:29,118 --> 01:07:30,780
Bullet just grazed my head, I think.
1019
01:07:31,454 --> 01:07:34,424
- Let's get out of here.
- Wait, wait, wait. Not yet.
1020
01:07:35,891 --> 01:07:37,325
Fuck.
1021
01:07:40,729 --> 01:07:42,721
You pulled a ninja sword off the wall,
1022
01:07:42,865 --> 01:07:45,630
dared a black man with a gun
to shoot you in the face,
1023
01:07:45,734 --> 01:07:48,067
then you deflected the bullet like a fly!
1024
01:07:48,804 --> 01:07:49,999
I ain't gonna lie.
1025
01:07:50,106 --> 01:07:53,270
That's the sexiest shit I seen in my life.
1026
01:07:53,409 --> 01:07:54,502
Don't shoot him, please!
1027
01:07:54,643 --> 01:07:57,272
Shoot him? I'm about
to suck Michael Knight's dick!
1028
01:07:58,113 --> 01:08:00,281
You should have seen the shit I saw!
1029
01:08:00,416 --> 01:08:03,909
It was like MacGyver
fucked Batman with Iron Man's dick!
1030
01:08:04,053 --> 01:08:05,419
I quit!
1031
01:08:05,521 --> 01:08:07,080
Barry, you hear that?
1032
01:08:07,256 --> 01:08:10,886
- Batman. Superhero.
- And this nigger can sing!
1033
01:08:11,026 --> 01:08:13,495
The musical! I'm telling you,
I know what I'm talking about!
1034
01:08:13,629 --> 01:08:16,121
Get on the phone.
Call the heads of all the studios.
1035
01:08:16,298 --> 01:08:17,527
This is gonna be huge!
1036
01:08:18,434 --> 01:08:21,427
- You disgust me.
- No, no! Don't shoot him!
1037
01:08:22,505 --> 01:08:25,339
Chris! No!
1038
01:08:26,642 --> 01:08:28,538
Chris!
1039
01:08:33,516 --> 01:08:34,711
Freeze!
1040
01:08:35,584 --> 01:08:37,746
Fish? How did you get here?
1041
01:08:37,887 --> 01:08:40,322
I got a ride here
with my new friend Sebastian.
1042
01:08:40,456 --> 01:08:42,925
If you even think about blinking...
1043
01:08:48,330 --> 01:08:49,889
- Hoff didn't die, right?
- No.
1044
01:08:50,666 --> 01:08:53,101
- Keep freezing.
- I'm sorry.
1045
01:08:53,202 --> 01:08:56,798
- I'm sorry. So sorry.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1046
01:09:00,109 --> 01:09:02,476
Chris! Chris!
1047
01:09:03,479 --> 01:09:04,777
Chris!
1048
01:09:05,414 --> 01:09:08,078
- I'm still alive.
- Okay, I'm still sorry.
1049
01:09:08,184 --> 01:09:10,153
- Okay. I'm sorry.
- I was about to fall asleep.
1050
01:09:10,319 --> 01:09:12,151
- Did you blink?
- Ow, man.
1051
01:09:12,321 --> 01:09:14,722
Be honest. When I turned away, did you blink?
1052
01:09:15,491 --> 01:09:18,484
Y'all got a dick Band-Aid or some shit?
1053
01:09:32,575 --> 01:09:33,599
Ann?
1054
01:09:35,911 --> 01:09:39,939
My family wants to have me committed, but...
1055
01:09:42,151 --> 01:09:44,416
I have a little surprise for you.
1056
01:09:48,457 --> 01:09:53,157
What are you doing here?
I tried to kill you, like, two times.
1057
01:09:53,262 --> 01:09:56,994
But you didn't. You saved my life.
1058
01:09:57,566 --> 01:10:01,059
And in the process, man,
Jesus, you almost got yourself killed.
1059
01:10:07,276 --> 01:10:08,403
How are you feeling?
1060
01:10:11,847 --> 01:10:15,545
- Lucky. Really, really lucky.
- Oh. You didn't hear.
1061
01:10:15,651 --> 01:10:18,519
That Wasserstein guy? He's dead.
1062
01:10:19,688 --> 01:10:24,023
When the Hoff army found out he put
a hit on me, he didn't stand a chance.
1063
01:10:24,159 --> 01:10:26,151
You know, I am not surprised.
1064
01:10:26,262 --> 01:10:28,595
They are an especially aggressive bunch.
1065
01:10:29,465 --> 01:10:31,798
That midget, that red-headed man...
1066
01:10:31,900 --> 01:10:34,631
Chris, Tommy explained everything
about the death pool.
1067
01:10:35,504 --> 01:10:38,702
I've decided to invest some money
in the club and help you renovate it.
1068
01:10:38,841 --> 01:10:43,609
On one condition.
You stop playing the death pool.
1069
01:10:44,446 --> 01:10:49,248
You're right. You're absolutely right.
I am so sorry, David,
1070
01:10:49,385 --> 01:10:52,685
and I officially withdraw
from the death pool.
1071
01:10:52,821 --> 01:10:53,914
That's my man!
1072
01:10:54,056 --> 01:10:56,890
Now, you got a girl named Ann
sitting right next to you
1073
01:10:57,026 --> 01:11:01,191
who loves you more than you deserve.
Don't let her regret it.
1074
01:11:02,998 --> 01:11:04,523
I won't.
1075
01:11:05,034 --> 01:11:08,232
- I love you.
- I love you too.
1076
01:11:09,471 --> 01:11:13,306
Well, looks like my work here is done.
1077
01:11:21,917 --> 01:11:23,886
All's well that ends well, right?
1078
01:11:24,019 --> 01:11:26,853
Fish is now out of the mental ward,
Tommy didn't have sex with Ann
1079
01:11:26,955 --> 01:11:30,858
and I don't owe anyone any money.
And David Hasselhoff?
1080
01:11:30,959 --> 01:11:33,895
Let's be honest,
that guy's gonna outlive all of us.
1081
01:11:34,563 --> 01:11:37,226
- Kid Cudi!
- Whoa!
1082
01:11:37,333 --> 01:11:38,892
Shit! David fucking Hasselhoff!
1083
01:11:39,034 --> 01:11:40,525
- How are you?
- You look awesome.
1084
01:11:40,669 --> 01:11:43,639
- You too. You just don't fucking age.
- No, neither do you.
1085
01:11:43,739 --> 01:11:47,073
Ladies, listen, everything I know about
crushing pussy and solving crimes
1086
01:11:47,176 --> 01:11:49,668
- I learned from Michael Knight.
- And that's the truth.
1087
01:11:49,778 --> 01:11:51,110
Yes, yes. Hey.
1088
01:11:51,246 --> 01:11:54,842
Oh. Wait.
You still remember our secret handshake!
1089
01:11:54,950 --> 01:11:58,910
- Of course. Boom! In the holster.
- You still got it.
1090
01:11:59,054 --> 01:12:02,047
- Like a disease.
- Yeah. Ladies, enjoy the night.
1091
01:12:02,157 --> 01:12:04,134
Cudi, enjoy the ladies.
1092
01:12:05,728 --> 01:12:08,095
Can't believe this, dude!
1093
01:12:11,800 --> 01:12:15,464
It's so fucking crazy. I don't deserve this.
1094
01:12:15,604 --> 01:12:19,405
Hey, you took a bullet to the chest.
You deserve this.
1095
01:12:19,942 --> 01:12:22,104
I think we're the luckiest people
in the world.
1096
01:12:22,778 --> 01:12:23,802
I love you so much.
1097
01:12:24,813 --> 01:12:26,714
Come on, you guys. There's people watching.
1098
01:12:26,815 --> 01:12:30,274
Hey, Tommy.
Lot of top-shelf pussy here tonight.
1099
01:12:31,186 --> 01:12:34,088
I could get used to running a club
like this. Lot of fun, you know?
1100
01:12:34,189 --> 01:12:39,150
There's no memorising lines,
no cars or tits upstaging me.
1101
01:12:39,294 --> 01:12:40,762
I like it!
1102
01:12:41,497 --> 01:12:44,023
Chris, you gonna change your pick
for the death pool?
1103
01:12:44,166 --> 01:12:48,968
No, I'm out. No more death pool.
I got everything I need right here.
1104
01:12:49,571 --> 01:12:52,905
And I don't have anything against David.
I respect him.
1105
01:12:53,976 --> 01:12:56,810
- They found someone to take my spot?
- Don't worry. We got a guy.
1106
01:12:56,945 --> 01:12:58,607
Can I have Chris Kim to the stage?
1107
01:12:58,747 --> 01:13:00,181
I'm sorry. Show time. See you.
1108
01:13:00,315 --> 01:13:03,945
- Chris Kim to the stage.
- Who took Chris's spot in the pool?
1109
01:13:04,052 --> 01:13:06,317
Er, well...
1110
01:13:07,623 --> 01:13:09,819
- Well...
- I did.
1111
01:13:09,958 --> 01:13:13,588
- No way! Who did you pick?
- I picked myself.
1112
01:13:15,364 --> 01:13:18,129
We all gotta die someday.
Might as well make a few bucks on it.
1113
01:13:21,770 --> 01:13:23,261
Cheers!
1114
01:13:27,776 --> 01:13:33,147
I'd like to welcome everybody to the
grand reopening of Habitat! Give it up!
1115
01:13:37,686 --> 01:13:38,881
Okay.
1116
01:13:39,822 --> 01:13:43,953
I'm so excited. I wanna introduce
my new friend, my new business partner.
1117
01:13:44,059 --> 01:13:47,962
And, hell, he's my new fucking idol,
David Hasselhoff!
1118
01:13:50,065 --> 01:13:53,194
Thank you! Thank you very much!
Give it up for Chris Kim!
1119
01:13:56,104 --> 01:13:57,800
I must admit...
1120
01:13:57,906 --> 01:14:00,876
I must admit I haven't known him very long
1121
01:14:01,009 --> 01:14:04,036
and at first he actually wanted me dead.
1122
01:14:05,714 --> 01:14:08,684
But when it counted most
he had my very toned back,
1123
01:14:08,817 --> 01:14:12,879
so this goes out to all the lovers
1124
01:14:13,021 --> 01:14:16,048
and all the creamers and all the screamers.
1125
01:14:17,526 --> 01:14:19,119
To you...
1126
01:14:19,261 --> 01:14:21,423
And to Chris Kim.
1127
01:14:21,530 --> 01:14:22,691
Hit it, Joey.
1128
01:14:28,470 --> 01:14:31,440
Oh, come on now. We're gonna crush it.
1129
01:14:31,540 --> 01:14:33,532
You know I'm gonna crush it.
1130
01:14:35,210 --> 01:14:36,803
Here we go now. Come on.
1131
01:14:39,748 --> 01:14:43,014
# You know I crush it almost all the time
1132
01:14:43,118 --> 01:14:46,850
# Not just a pretty face,
I got a brilliant mind
1133
01:14:46,955 --> 01:14:50,756
# Of course I got haters
but I don't got the time
1134
01:14:50,893 --> 01:14:54,523
# They don't matter to me
because the world is mine
1135
01:14:55,731 --> 01:14:58,667
# I can't lose cos I don't quit
1136
01:14:58,834 --> 01:15:03,499
# So get out of my face
cos you know that I'll be crushing it
1137
01:15:05,040 --> 01:15:07,236
# You know I'm fucking crushing it
1138
01:15:09,044 --> 01:15:11,445
# Yeah, I'm fucking crushing it
1139
01:15:11,547 --> 01:15:14,881
# I crush it down, I crush it down pat
1140
01:15:14,983 --> 01:15:18,886
# Rolling in my car
with the bitches in the back
1141
01:15:18,987 --> 01:15:22,480
# If you try to second me
I'm gonna have to attack
1142
01:15:22,591 --> 01:15:24,457
- Look out!
-
# Now tell me
1143
01:15:24,560 --> 01:15:26,529
# What you gonna do about that
1144
01:15:26,662 --> 01:15:30,861
- Oh!
-
# I can't lose cos I don't quit
1145
01:15:30,966 --> 01:15:35,529
# So get out of my way
cos you know that I'll be crushing it
1146
01:15:35,671 --> 01:15:39,472
# Oh, I'm crushing it
1147
01:15:39,575 --> 01:15:41,066
# Oh, oh
1148
01:15:41,176 --> 01:15:43,509
# Oh, I'm crushing it
1149
01:15:43,612 --> 01:15:45,103
# Oh, oh
1150
01:15:45,213 --> 01:15:47,148
# You know I'm fucking crushing it
1151
01:15:47,282 --> 01:15:49,410
# Oh, oh
1152
01:15:49,551 --> 01:15:51,383
# I am, I'm fucking crushing it
1153
01:15:51,520 --> 01:15:53,580
Everybody!
1154
01:15:53,722 --> 01:15:57,591
-
# The Hoff is crushing it
-
# Oh
1155
01:15:57,726 --> 01:15:59,319
# The Hoff is crushing it
1156
01:15:59,428 --> 01:16:01,090
# Oh, yeah
1157
01:16:01,196 --> 01:16:03,222
# You know the Hoff crushing it
1158
01:16:03,365 --> 01:16:07,325
-
# Oh
- Goddamn! He's fucking crushing it!
1159
01:16:07,436 --> 01:16:09,598
# Oh, baby, oh
1160
01:16:09,738 --> 01:16:12,037
# The Hoff is crushing it
1161
01:16:13,942 --> 01:16:15,308
# The Hoff is crushing it
1162
01:16:15,410 --> 01:16:17,140
# Oh
1163
01:16:18,513 --> 01:16:19,446
# Go to the man
1164
01:16:19,581 --> 01:16:23,575
# Ooh, ooh
1165
01:16:23,719 --> 01:16:25,381
# Ooh
1166
01:16:25,520 --> 01:16:30,151
# Ooh, crushing it down
1167
01:16:30,258 --> 01:16:33,160
# He's crushing it down
1168
01:16:40,202 --> 01:16:41,636
Where to, David?
1169
01:16:41,770 --> 01:16:43,568
Wherever there is injustice.
1170
01:16:43,672 --> 01:16:45,937
Wherever there's someone in need of a hero.
1171
01:16:46,041 --> 01:16:48,237
Wherever there are women.
1172
01:16:48,377 --> 01:16:51,006
I could use a tune-up, David.
1173
01:16:51,146 --> 01:16:55,550
Whatever you like, pal. The night
is young and I'm ready to roll.
1174
01:16:56,218 --> 01:16:59,086
Well, guess Hasselhoff is the man.
1175
01:16:59,221 --> 01:17:02,419
No, no, no. Hasselhoff is the fucking man.
1176
01:17:05,994 --> 01:17:08,429
- Turbo boost?
- Turbo boost engaged.
1177
01:17:18,173 --> 01:17:21,075
- Okay. You're good.
- I'm fine.
1178
01:17:21,209 --> 01:17:24,805
Man, look at you. Have you...
Have you... Have you gained weight?
1179
01:17:24,980 --> 01:17:26,471
- That's a good look on you.
- Yeah.
1180
01:17:26,615 --> 01:17:29,477
- I love that.
- I've been drinking.
1181
01:17:30,218 --> 01:17:31,277
That's why I'm here.
1182
01:17:31,420 --> 01:17:34,322
You know, I'm looking for him.
Searching around, you know.
1183
01:17:39,493 --> 01:17:40,924
No!
1184
01:17:42,497 --> 01:17:45,331
- Push it through the other side!
- Don't push it through the other...
1185
01:17:46,234 --> 01:17:49,261
I actually made a list
of the ways I wanna kill him.
1186
01:17:49,604 --> 01:17:51,004
Leeches.
1187
01:17:52,407 --> 01:17:54,638
Oh, could do with going to Amazon.
1188
01:17:55,477 --> 01:17:58,641
Come for a quick trip there.
Don't wear your trousers.
1189
01:18:00,749 --> 01:18:04,709
- Rack of wedding dresses.
- What the fuck...?
1190
01:18:04,853 --> 01:18:08,685
Get after him! Get after him!
I need a second to be alone.
1191
01:18:10,659 --> 01:18:13,629
Ah, come on. Come on.
1192
01:18:13,729 --> 01:18:15,425
Come on.
1193
01:18:15,530 --> 01:18:18,090
God. Oh, God, that's...
1194
01:18:19,134 --> 01:18:21,831
Freddie Mercury. Oh, no.
1195
01:18:21,970 --> 01:18:23,666
That should just say "mercury".
1196
01:18:23,772 --> 01:18:30,872
Either I kill you or we have sex
right on this cow-ass carpet right here.
1197
01:18:31,046 --> 01:18:34,073
That... That's from Rawhide and...
1198
01:18:34,182 --> 01:18:37,050
- And we... It's gonna get rawhide.
- No, no.
1199
01:18:37,152 --> 01:18:38,643
We abouts to get rawhide.
1200
01:18:38,754 --> 01:18:43,522
That's a lot of money. There's a lot
of things in my house that are worth...
1201
01:18:43,658 --> 01:18:46,355
I want you to put
a lot of things in my house.
1202
01:18:46,495 --> 01:18:48,794
- No.
- When I say house, I mean my asshole.
1203
01:18:48,930 --> 01:18:50,455
- Whoa. Whoa.
- Yeah.
1204
01:18:50,565 --> 01:18:53,057
Were you... were you ever imprisoned?
1205
01:18:54,269 --> 01:18:55,969
Voluntarily.
1206
01:18:56,071 --> 01:18:58,263
Voluntarily!
1207
01:18:58,373 --> 01:19:00,501
# The Hoff! We're gonna kill the Hoff!
1208
01:19:00,609 --> 01:19:03,704
# We're gonna kill him and maybe eat him
1209
01:19:03,812 --> 01:19:05,871
# No, too much
1210
01:19:08,350 --> 01:19:10,546
Ruptured appendix.
1211
01:19:10,685 --> 01:19:12,881
Not funny. He's gonna die with that.
1212
01:19:13,021 --> 01:19:15,616
Just... just subtly rupture his appendix.
1213
01:19:17,225 --> 01:19:18,591
Um...
1214
01:19:18,727 --> 01:19:21,255
Put a tie on too... too tight.
1215
01:19:21,696 --> 01:19:25,224
Gotta go to the wedding! I'll help you
with that. Fuck, he's dead!
1216
01:19:28,203 --> 01:19:31,605
It fucking didn't work!
1217
01:19:33,842 --> 01:19:35,811
Fat man's hugs.
1218
01:19:35,944 --> 01:19:38,836
- Okay, yeah, yeah.
- I just had a bit of fun at the end.
1219
01:19:38,980 --> 01:19:40,811
Oh, my God!
1220
01:19:40,949 --> 01:19:44,181
Those are the only two choices we got, baby.
1221
01:19:44,319 --> 01:19:46,311
You know what?
There's gotta be another choice.
1222
01:19:46,421 --> 01:19:50,620
No, man. Either I murder you
right here or I murder that ass.
1223
01:19:50,759 --> 01:19:54,355
No, there's, there's...
Let's think of a third choice together.
1224
01:19:54,462 --> 01:19:56,363
- I ain't got one.
- Please.
1225
01:19:56,464 --> 01:19:58,797
- Things come in twos.
- No, I...
1226
01:19:58,934 --> 01:20:00,596
No, they don't. They come... They do?
1227
01:20:00,735 --> 01:20:03,398
Only. Things only...
1228
01:20:04,038 --> 01:20:07,100
Bullfight. Okay. Dress up as a bull.
1229
01:20:07,943 --> 01:20:10,777
Sinkhole. You hear about those big holes
that suddenly appear?
1230
01:20:10,879 --> 01:20:13,542
It was on the news?
Half a town's been swallowed up.
1231
01:20:13,648 --> 01:20:16,277
Get him into one of those towns.
1232
01:20:16,418 --> 01:20:18,084
Oh, fuck you!
1233
01:20:28,263 --> 01:20:31,497
Ah, acting. Somebody has to do it.100845