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1
00:00:04,308 --> 00:00:05,570
[Hank laughs]
2
00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:08,051
I'm on a roll!
[laughs]
3
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:11,359
This book is gonna be sick.
4
00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:14,579
Stephen King, watch your back.
5
00:00:14,623 --> 00:00:18,322
I cannot believe that
you really wrote a book, Hank.
6
00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:21,282
I've never even seen you
read a book.
7
00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:24,241
See, this book is like my baby,
8
00:00:24,285 --> 00:00:26,330
'cause it's been gestating
in my brain uterus
9
00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:27,679
for, like, ten years.
10
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:29,116
So, now I'm ready
11
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:32,206
to squeeze it out
and present it to the world.
12
00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:34,208
I call it...
13
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:36,775
-Shadeby Hank Henderson.
-Oh.
14
00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:40,083
Ooh. Shade.
15
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:42,520
I once tried to write a book.
16
00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:49,310
That's the end of the story.
I, uh...
17
00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:51,486
I once tried to write a book,
and I stopped.
18
00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:53,749
It's really hard.
19
00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:58,232
That was the best blind date
I've ever been on,
20
00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:00,147
and I've been on three of 'em.
21
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:03,019
I'm, uh... I'm gonna head out.
22
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,369
Uh, hey. Uh...
23
00:01:05,413 --> 00:01:07,893
what do you think
about grabbing a drink later?
24
00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:10,157
I mean, not that
I would drink myself, no.
25
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,029
If I have a little bit
of alcohol, oh, look out.
26
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,378
[laughs]
27
00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,641
-I have the worst gas.
-Yeah, yeah.
28
00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:19,296
You mentioned that-- how your
large intestine is too small,
29
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:21,646
-and your small intestine...
-Small intestine too large.
30
00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,387
-[laughing]
-Oh, look at us.
31
00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:25,085
We're already finishing
each other's...
32
00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:28,044
So, I'm gonna go.
33
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,264
I'll, uh...
I'll see you later, Leonard.
34
00:01:30,307 --> 00:01:32,222
-I'll hold you to that.
-Ah.
35
00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:34,224
Oh, heck,
I just want to hold you.
36
00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:35,878
Oh!
37
00:01:35,921 --> 00:01:37,271
[laughs]
38
00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,665
What the hell, Charlie?!
39
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,972
Why'd you set me up
with that guy?
40
00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:45,975
All he did was talk about gas.
41
00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:49,892
Well, gas pricing
is a fascinating mix of geo...
42
00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:51,633
Hisgas, Charlie.
43
00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:53,374
Butt gas.
44
00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:56,333
On a date! It's not exactly
45
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:58,161
the kind of guy
I usually go for.
46
00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,163
Oh, no. You're right.
47
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,470
He's a lot betterthan the guys
you usually go for.
48
00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:04,167
What?
49
00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:06,517
You go for losers, Margaret.
50
00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:08,476
Hugelosers.
51
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:10,695
HANK:
She does.
52
00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:13,437
That food snob Murray
was a sociopath,
53
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:15,526
that colonel picked you up
at his wife's funeral,
54
00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:17,876
-and that Karl was
the Zodiac Killer. -Yeah.
55
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,443
HANK:
So that's, uh,
56
00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:21,706
loser, loser...
57
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:23,708
murderer/loser.
58
00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:26,320
Okay, but those guys were...
59
00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:28,452
I mean, there was also...
60
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:29,714
Ugh.
61
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:31,238
Well, it's not like... [groans]
62
00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:34,154
Oh, my God, I only date losers.
63
00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:38,332
Does this mean
that I've become a loser?
64
00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:42,379
[Charlie sighs]
65
00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:46,209
That doesn't feel like
a safe question to answer.
66
00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:51,083
♪
67
00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:00,876
How did this happen?
68
00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:04,619
You know, before I moved
in here, I crushed ass.
69
00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:07,056
Qualityass.
70
00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:08,753
I dated a Bee Gee.
71
00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,625
Well, it's simple.
72
00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:13,018
You're not putting enough effort
into it.
73
00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:14,716
You're waiting
for guys to approach you.
74
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,239
That's like sitting on the beach
75
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:18,198
waiting for the fish
to wash ashore.
76
00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:22,680
More like pieces of ocean trash.
77
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,508
Yeah, if you want
to catch the good fish,
78
00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:26,945
i.e. hot dudes,
79
00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:30,210
you got to go swimming
in the ocean, i.e. try.
80
00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:32,777
Well, I guess maybe
81
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,823
I could up my game a little bit.
82
00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:36,390
I could still date a hot guy.
83
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:39,480
-Gene in the house!
-ALL: Gene!
84
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:42,483
I'm gonna date him.
85
00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:45,355
Gene?!
86
00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:47,096
-[laughing]
-[chuckling]: Margaret,
87
00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:48,793
we said go fishing
in the ocean.
88
00:03:48,837 --> 00:03:51,753
We didn't say go harpoon a whitewhale with your bare hands.
89
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:54,408
I could date Gene. I just, uh...
90
00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:56,845
I just need
to pull out all the stops.
91
00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:58,368
Watch out, boys.
92
00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,804
I'm jumping in the ocean.
93
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:06,115
So, Hank,
tell me all about your book.
94
00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:08,030
And speak real slow, 'cause
95
00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:11,903
the last book I finished was
written by Reese Witherspoon.
96
00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:14,123
First of all, we all know
97
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:17,387
vampires are sexy as hell,
right?
98
00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:19,215
Yeah.
99
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,783
And who is the sexiest vampire
of all time?
100
00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:24,655
Brad Pitt,
Interview with the Vampire.
101
00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:26,266
Wrong.
102
00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:28,442
Tom Cruise,
Interview with the Vampire.
103
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:29,747
No.
104
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:32,054
Antonio Banderas,
Interview with the...
105
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:34,491
Stop guessing
Interview with the Vampire!
106
00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:36,580
Now, the sexiest vampire
107
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:39,496
of all time is obviously
Wesley Snipes in Blade.
108
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:43,108
And what is the one complainteverybody has about that movie?
109
00:04:43,152 --> 00:04:45,372
Never saw it.
110
00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:46,895
Not enough sex.
111
00:04:46,938 --> 00:04:49,463
You can't walk down the street
without somebody saying,
112
00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,639
"You know the problem
with that movie Bladeis?
113
00:04:51,682 --> 00:04:53,336
Ain't got enough sex scenes."
114
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:55,164
Well...
115
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,774
problem solved.
116
00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:58,689
I present to you...
117
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:00,387
Shade.
118
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:01,475
[chuckling]:
Oh.
119
00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,868
Now, be careful.
That's my baby, now.
120
00:05:03,912 --> 00:05:05,609
Don't forget
to support his head.
121
00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:08,133
-[chuckling]
-All right, let's get started.
122
00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:11,223
Read it out loud so I knowwhich parts get to you the most.
123
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:18,709
"Shade strutted
into the sexy-ass club
124
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,495
"and was all like,
125
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:25,629
'What's up, y'all?
Who wants to get freaky?'"
126
00:05:25,673 --> 00:05:27,544
Ah!
127
00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:29,546
-That's just the first sentence!-Let's see.
128
00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:31,374
We're gonna need more water
up in here!
129
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,339
"Shade pulled a photo
of his father,
130
00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:41,210
"who was dead,
131
00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:43,865
"out of his pocket,
and whispered,
132
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:45,997
'Fangs for nothing.'"
133
00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:51,176
Wow! Hank, I love it.
134
00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:52,874
It's the best thing
I ever created,
135
00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:55,180
and that's including my kids.
136
00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,140
Now, did you notice that
137
00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:01,099
Shade's minivan was really
a metaphor for society?
138
00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:02,666
Oh, big time.
139
00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:04,189
Especially
when I saw this Post-it
140
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:07,062
says "Van equals society."
141
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:12,546
Well, now all I got to do
is get it published.
142
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:14,939
You know, I've been callingevery Stephen King in the book,
143
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,724
but I ain't got
the right one yet.
144
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:21,642
I know someonein the Tucson publishing world.
145
00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:25,428
My second cousin is in the biz.
146
00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:30,259
Ooh.
147
00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:32,566
I'm gonna need a minute.
148
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,698
What's wrong, Hank?
149
00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,657
[crying]:
Oh, geez.
150
00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:41,270
I can't believe
how rich I'm gonna be!
151
00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:49,800
-All right.
-[Margaret groans softly]
152
00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:52,542
Wow, you are crazy tall today.
153
00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:55,023
Most old ladies shrink,
154
00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:56,720
but you're just getting bigger
and bigger.
155
00:06:56,764 --> 00:06:58,113
Yeah. These are my, uh...
156
00:06:58,156 --> 00:07:00,115
-my A-game heels.
-Oh.
157
00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:02,204
My tall boys.
158
00:07:02,247 --> 00:07:04,249
Had to retire these in the '90s
159
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:06,643
'cause my calves were getting
too muscular.
160
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,473
Ah, hey, I still got it.
[chuckles]
161
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:16,523
What are you doing?
162
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:18,307
Well, this is my go-to move.
163
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,701
I make eye contact with a guy,
and I hold it,
164
00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:22,746
and just when it starts
to get weird,
165
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,748
I break into
a million-dollar smile.
166
00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:27,011
It works every time.
[chuckles]
167
00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:28,796
-Look, watch this.
-Okay.
168
00:07:28,839 --> 00:07:30,362
[clears throat]
169
00:07:37,587 --> 00:07:39,284
Whoa.
170
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,963
[softly]:
Ah...
171
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:09,532
Evening, Gene.
[chuckles]
172
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,055
Don't forget
to call your pocket...
173
00:08:11,099 --> 00:08:12,666
[Margaret grunts]
174
00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:15,407
[wheezing loudly]
175
00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:19,760
Margaret, are you okay?
176
00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:22,589
Okay. Just, uh,
living the dream.
177
00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:24,068
[laughs]
178
00:08:24,112 --> 00:08:25,809
Okay. Cool.
179
00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:28,812
[Margaret panting]
180
00:08:28,856 --> 00:08:30,727
MARGARET:
Okay.
181
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:33,513
Okay, just... get yourself up
182
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:35,210
and out of here
183
00:08:35,253 --> 00:08:37,212
with your dignity intact.
184
00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:42,783
[Margaret grunts]
185
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:44,915
[groans]
186
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,569
[sighs]
187
00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:49,659
Ah.
188
00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:51,835
Eh...
189
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:53,576
Ooh, okay.
190
00:08:57,928 --> 00:09:02,324
Please don't be watching me.
191
00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:04,631
[giggles nervously]
192
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:08,809
[cries softly]
193
00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:10,332
Okay, that's settled.
194
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,595
I'm officially a loser.
195
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:17,426
[Leonard wolf whistles]
196
00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:19,471
Ahooga!
197
00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:23,824
-Wow. Look at you.
-[laughs softly]
198
00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:26,870
Don't mind me. I'm just rollingmy tongue back in my mouth.
199
00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:28,742
-[tongue flapping]
-[chuckles]
200
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,657
Thanks.
[chuckles]
201
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:34,051
Hey, would you make me
the happiest man on Earth
202
00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:35,792
and let me buy you a drink?
203
00:09:35,836 --> 00:09:37,402
Oh, Leonard...
204
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,448
-you can buy me ten.
-Oh. [laughs]
205
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:40,754
[Margaret sighs]
206
00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:50,851
Ugh.
207
00:09:53,027 --> 00:09:55,159
Oh!
208
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:56,639
Ah.
209
00:10:00,948 --> 00:10:02,558
Good morning, beautiful.
210
00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,046
[toilet flushing]
211
00:10:16,877 --> 00:10:18,661
Sorry.
212
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:22,796
My small intestine is up
to no good.
213
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:28,628
Boy, you must have shimmied
something askew last night.
214
00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:30,717
[purrs]
215
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,633
Leonard,
last night was a mis...
216
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:35,504
Was amazing. I know.
217
00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:37,724
You were insatiable, my lady.
218
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,508
[Margaret sighs]
219
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,771
No, it was a mistake.
220
00:10:41,815 --> 00:10:44,731
I was feeling very vulnerable
and shaky,
221
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:48,212
both physically
and emotionally, and I--
222
00:10:48,256 --> 00:10:50,911
Do you think we can get
another candle going in here?
223
00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:54,958
Leonard?
224
00:10:55,002 --> 00:10:56,786
Oh, I'm sorry,
I didn't hear you.
225
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,440
I was thinking about last night.
226
00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,224
I still can't believe
it happened.
227
00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:02,836
[chuckles]
Me, either, but it did,
228
00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:04,925
so I'm gonna have to live
with that.
229
00:11:04,968 --> 00:11:06,578
Well, sister, let me tell you.
230
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:09,538
You're gonna be living
with this guy for a long time.
231
00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:11,627
[laughs]
232
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,325
Ooh, ooh. B-R-B.
233
00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:18,982
I got to get out of here.
234
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:20,941
[grunts]
235
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:22,812
Oh! [grunts]
236
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:27,382
You two bitches are going
straight to Goodwill.
237
00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:35,129
Well, uh, you read my book,
238
00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:38,480
so I stand here before you
exposed,
239
00:11:38,523 --> 00:11:41,091
much like Shade
when he traded in his fangs
240
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:44,486
for the love of his life,
Serena Williams.
241
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:46,531
Well, listen, here's the deal.
242
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:48,577
This book is super weird,
243
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:52,581
and it was hard to follow with
all the Post-its falling out.
244
00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:54,975
And, uh, men's erotic fiction
245
00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:57,891
is a genre
that doesn't really exist.
246
00:11:57,934 --> 00:12:00,284
But...?
247
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:03,635
But I have to admit...
I loved it.
248
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,333
-Oh!
-Hot damn! It turned you on, didn't it?
249
00:12:05,376 --> 00:12:08,815
-I mean, yeah.
-[Hank and Sid laughing]
250
00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:10,817
This is for all the fellas
251
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:14,516
who just want to sit
by the fire with a good book
252
00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:18,389
and work up a chubby.
[laughs]
253
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:20,740
Oh, I did just have
one tiny note.
254
00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:22,132
Instead of a minivan,
255
00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:24,744
I think Shade should drive
a motorcycle.
256
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,878
Oh, no.
257
00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:31,838
So... you want to get rid
of the minivan?
258
00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:35,276
Okay, then. All right. Okay.
259
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:38,061
I just have, uh, one question.
260
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,715
Did you not notice
261
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,022
that the minivan
represents society?!
262
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,458
ROY:
Uh...
263
00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:45,852
I did not notice that at all.
264
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:47,941
Did that Post-it fall out?
265
00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:51,074
What kind of publisher
are you, man?
266
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:53,511
This is my masterpiece, and youdon't give a master notes.
267
00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:55,862
You don't go to-to Michelangelo
268
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,994
and say, "Oh, excuse me.
I got one note.
269
00:12:58,038 --> 00:12:59,517
Don't be a Ninja Turtle."
270
00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:00,997
Come on, Sid.
271
00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:02,738
We're up out of here.
272
00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:05,175
Charlie,
273
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,874
you're not gonna believe
what I did last night.
274
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:09,701
You slept with Leonard.
275
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:13,227
What? How did you know?
276
00:13:13,270 --> 00:13:15,838
He texted me right after
it happened. [laughs]
277
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:20,060
He said you kept the boots on.
278
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:24,151
There she is.
279
00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:26,849
Miss High Heels, USA.
[laughs]
280
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,637
Great, so you did see it.
281
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:35,640
Oh, of course I saw it. I'vebeen telling everybody about it.
282
00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:38,905
That part where you pretended
that you couldn't walk,
283
00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:41,211
it was hilarious.
284
00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:42,822
It was?
285
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,520
-Oh, yes.
-Well, yeah, of course it was.
286
00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:47,696
I mean, my, uh,
my comedy's kind of cerebral,
287
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:50,394
but I'm-I'm glad
you got the joke.
288
00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:51,831
I don't think he did.
289
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:54,181
It wasn't a joke.
290
00:13:54,224 --> 00:13:56,705
Shut up, Charlie.
291
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:59,012
So I was just wondering
if maybe you'd like
292
00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:01,362
to have a drink with me tonight.
293
00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:03,277
Uh-uh. Sorry, pal, she's taken.
294
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,018
She literally just banged...
295
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:06,715
Shut up, Charlie!
296
00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:17,465
I got a date with Gene.
297
00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:19,641
I am back, baby.
298
00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:21,861
I'm back, baby.
299
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,733
I just did our grocery shopping.
300
00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,604
I couldn't figure out
what peanut butter to get,
301
00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:28,780
so I bought every one.
302
00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:31,044
I got crunchy, I got smooth,
303
00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:33,263
and I even got the one
with the peanut butter
304
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:35,048
and the jelly
all swirled together,
305
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:37,877
much like our limbs were
last night.
306
00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:41,445
Charlie, thanks again for
setting me up with Margaret.
307
00:14:41,489 --> 00:14:43,970
It's the best deal I ever made.
308
00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:45,232
[laughs]
309
00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:52,979
MARGARET:
Deal?
310
00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:55,068
What deal is he talking about?
311
00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:57,113
I just, uh... [chuckles]
312
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,593
You know, uh...
313
00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:03,119
I can't come up with a lie,
so here goes.
314
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:06,949
I owed him 50 bucks,
315
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:09,082
and he said
he would let it slide
316
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:11,823
if I set the two of you up
on a date.
317
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:14,348
You sold me?
318
00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:16,002
Well, yeah.
319
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:18,221
You know how sometimes
friends sell friends?
320
00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:19,309
[Margaret groans]
321
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,007
Unbelievable.
322
00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:22,399
You set me up with that clinger,
323
00:15:22,443 --> 00:15:24,184
so you better
just make him go away.
324
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:26,360
And I don't care what you say,
you just do it.
325
00:15:26,403 --> 00:15:29,232
I cannot believe you sold me.
326
00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:31,843
For 50 bucks?
327
00:15:31,887 --> 00:15:34,237
Well, at least I-I sold you
for something.
328
00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:36,326
You've been just
giving it away for free.
329
00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:42,376
HANK:
I have compromised
330
00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:46,249
my whole life; I'm not gonna
compromise on this.
331
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:49,252
Looks like my baby
is just gonna have to wind up
332
00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:52,081
-in the drawer forever.
-Oh, oh, oh.
333
00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:55,171
Hank. You seem sadder than Shade
334
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:59,175
when he found out he'd never seeSerena Williams play tennis,
335
00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:02,787
because tennis happens
in the sunlight.
336
00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:07,270
I'm exactly that sad, Sid.
337
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,359
Oh. Well, screw it.
338
00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:12,145
We don't need a publisher.
339
00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:15,278
We will take it straight
to the people.
340
00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:18,107
You said Shadeneeds
to be experienced, right?
341
00:16:18,151 --> 00:16:20,631
Well, let's give the people
an experience
342
00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:23,678
they will never forget.
343
00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:33,166
And that's when I started saying"Gene in the house."
344
00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:36,517
And I mean, it just took off.
345
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:40,216
[chuckles] Oh, I wish I had
an entrance line like that.
346
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:42,653
Sometimes I say
"Margaret in the Target,"
347
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:46,788
but that only works
when I'm at Target.
348
00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:49,312
-[laughs] You are kickass.
-[laughs] Oh.
349
00:16:49,356 --> 00:16:51,184
I'm-I'm gonna get us
another drink.
350
00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:52,707
[laughing]:
"Margaret in the Target."
351
00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:57,407
There you are.
352
00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:01,716
I've been looking everywhere
for you.
353
00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:03,370
Leonard,
what are you doing here?
354
00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:06,329
Charlie told me why
we can't date.
355
00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:08,418
Well, whatever he said is true.So, bye.
356
00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:10,594
No. I am not going anywhere.
357
00:17:10,638 --> 00:17:12,857
And I'm telling you, I am stillgoing to make love to you,
358
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:16,035
even though, as we speak, you
are being consumed by an STD.
359
00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,135
Look, this is all
a huge mistake.
360
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:31,311
I do not have an STD.
361
00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:34,140
-She does.
-No, I don't.
362
00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:35,619
W-Who is this guy?
363
00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:37,317
Leonard Bartholomew Goin.
364
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,667
It's like "groin"
without the "R."
365
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:43,975
Why not say
"it's like coin with a 'G'?"
366
00:17:44,019 --> 00:17:47,544
Wow. Where were you
60 years ago?
367
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:52,071
Okay, Leonard,
so you need to get "Goin."
368
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:54,247
That's the disease talking,
baby.
369
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:55,378
We can work through this.
370
00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:57,206
There is no "we."
371
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:58,468
We slept together one time.
372
00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:00,166
We are not "we."
373
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:01,863
I do not want to be with you,
Leonard.
374
00:18:01,906 --> 00:18:03,430
-And I'm on a date.
-Oh?
375
00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:08,478
Oh. Oh.
376
00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:12,221
Oh.
377
00:18:12,265 --> 00:18:14,136
Okay.
378
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,314
Look, I should probably go.
379
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:22,362
No, no, no. Don't go.
I don't have an STD.
380
00:18:22,405 --> 00:18:23,450
Oh, please,
I don't care about that.
381
00:18:23,493 --> 00:18:25,191
I've had everything.
[chuckles]
382
00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:27,845
Were you gonna tell me?
383
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,197
My issue...
384
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,722
is that you slept with Leonard.
385
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:37,333
Now, I knew you were not up
to my level,
386
00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:40,336
but I thought you were at leastone level down.
387
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:43,600
So... we done.
388
00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:45,385
Wait a minute.
What about how funny I am?
389
00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:47,691
Hey, you want to see me
eat a dollar?
390
00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:50,216
Gene out.
391
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:56,483
I'm, uh, sorry
I gave you an STD.
392
00:18:56,526 --> 00:18:58,180
Oh, Charlie.
393
00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,573
Lower your voice.
394
00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:01,749
[laughs] You'll bounce back.
395
00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:03,359
You're funny as hell,
396
00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:05,100
and you give the best advice,
397
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,667
and that look you give men--
398
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:09,148
Whoa. [chuckles]
399
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:11,411
I couldn't get to sleep
last night.
400
00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:13,021
Yep.
401
00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:14,762
I know this may feel like
a low point,
402
00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:16,546
but, uh, it's not.
403
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:18,374
Oh, thanks, Charlie.
404
00:19:18,418 --> 00:19:20,376
So, uh, what is this?
405
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:21,551
What am I watching?
406
00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:24,250
Uh, Hank is going
to be doing a reading
407
00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:27,035
from his erotic vampire novel.
408
00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:30,430
Oh, so thisis the low point.
409
00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:32,475
Yeah, I'm needed backstage.
410
00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:34,390
Hank has me running
special effects.
411
00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:35,391
Oh.
412
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,350
[Margaret chuckles]
413
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,402
Whoa.
414
00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:48,535
Sorry, I-I didn't realize
you were sitting here.
415
00:19:48,578 --> 00:19:50,537
-I could go somewhere else.
-N-No, wait.
416
00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:52,191
Leonard, it's okay. Sit down.
417
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:54,105
Come on.
Don't leave because of me.
418
00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:57,413
[sighs]
419
00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:58,719
And I'm sorry I lashed out
at you.
420
00:19:58,762 --> 00:20:00,111
I-It's not your fault.
421
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:02,418
I know I can come on
a little strong.
422
00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:05,291
Probably need to up my game
a little.
423
00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:06,596
Your game is just fine.
424
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,337
It'll be perfect
for the right person.
425
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:11,819
Advice I should probably
take myself.
426
00:20:11,862 --> 00:20:14,778
My point is,
don't change who you are.
427
00:20:14,822 --> 00:20:17,390
I hear you loud and clear.
428
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:21,132
Leonard!
429
00:20:22,351 --> 00:20:24,353
♪
430
00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:38,628
Oh, my God! [laughs]
431
00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:42,589
"It was dark and hot
432
00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:46,462
"as Shade made his way
through the city.
433
00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:49,552
"So dark, so hot.
434
00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:54,514
"Shade and his orc sidekick
were covered in demon blood.
435
00:21:03,566 --> 00:21:04,828
"But Shade didn't care.
436
00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:06,352
"He didn't give a hoot,
437
00:21:06,395 --> 00:21:07,918
"'cause he knew
who was waiting for him
438
00:21:07,962 --> 00:21:11,357
"when he gets back home:
Serena Williams.
439
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,968
"Oh, yeah.
440
00:21:14,011 --> 00:21:16,927
The city's about to get
even hotter tonight."
441
00:21:19,539 --> 00:21:20,714
[Sid grunts]
442
00:21:22,672 --> 00:21:25,936
[grunts]
They're loving your baby.
443
00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:28,548
-I'm gonna be so friggin' rich!-[laughs]
444
00:21:30,637 --> 00:21:31,333
That's pretty good.
445
00:21:31,383 --> 00:21:35,933
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