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1
00:00:13,073 --> 00:00:18,073
Subtitles by explosiveskull
2
00:00:18,075 --> 00:00:19,041
Here we go.
3
00:00:19,043 --> 00:00:21,876
One, two...
4
00:00:21,878 --> 00:00:24,645
You guys wanna story?
5
00:00:24,647 --> 00:00:25,881
Yeah, I got a story.
A fuckin' doozy.
6
00:00:25,883 --> 00:00:28,349
Is this the one
where you say you own Facebook?
7
00:00:28,351 --> 00:00:29,351
Starts like this.
8
00:00:29,353 --> 00:00:30,652
On the seventh day, God rested.
9
00:00:30,654 --> 00:00:32,454
-
I love God.
-
He's my favorite god.
10
00:00:32,456 --> 00:00:33,555
Yeah, but he's God,
so he knew
11
00:00:33,557 --> 00:00:35,490
that if after six days of crazy
you gotta rest
12
00:00:35,492 --> 00:00:36,924
-
on Sunday, right?
-
I'd rest every day.
13
00:00:36,926 --> 00:00:38,659
But what about
those poor bastards
14
00:00:38,661 --> 00:00:40,429
going through six days of crazy,
15
00:00:40,431 --> 00:00:42,997
not knowing that the seventh
day is gonna be a day of rest,
16
00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,933
or just another day
at the shit store?
17
00:00:44,935 --> 00:00:46,835
Those are the poor bastards
we should toast.
18
00:00:46,837 --> 00:00:48,170
To the shit store!
19
00:00:48,172 --> 00:00:50,439
Who knows, maybe
a couple of angels come along
20
00:00:50,441 --> 00:00:52,374
and nudge him
in the right direction.
21
00:00:52,376 --> 00:00:53,641
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
22
00:00:53,643 --> 00:00:56,811
This is the story
of Frank and Nancy Teagarten.
23
00:00:56,813 --> 00:00:58,613
Their seven days started
on the morning
24
00:00:58,615 --> 00:01:00,651
they dropped their daughter
off to college.
25
00:01:02,953 --> 00:01:05,653
Wow.
26
00:01:05,655 --> 00:01:07,923
Seems just like yesterday
I was pushing you on the swings
27
00:01:07,925 --> 00:01:09,590
in Gardner Park.
28
00:01:09,592 --> 00:01:11,025
Yeah.
29
00:01:11,027 --> 00:01:13,861
And now, look
at our college girl,
30
00:01:13,863 --> 00:01:16,732
on her way to becoming
a veterinarian.
31
00:01:16,734 --> 00:01:19,601
Now, baby.
We're just a phone call away,
32
00:01:19,603 --> 00:01:22,570
five-hour car ride away,
50-minute plane ride away.
33
00:01:22,572 --> 00:01:24,638
You know we're there for you,
anything you need.
34
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:25,539
You have our numbers.
35
00:01:25,541 --> 00:01:28,610
Yes, I practically
have them memorized.
36
00:01:28,612 --> 00:01:29,611
- Good.
- But, don't call
37
00:01:29,613 --> 00:01:32,680
after 10:00 p.m.
'cause we'll probably be asleep.
38
00:01:32,682 --> 00:01:34,448
That was a joke.
You know that was a joke, right?
39
00:01:34,450 --> 00:01:37,119
I love your jokes, Daddy.
40
00:01:37,121 --> 00:01:39,787
- Do you like your bed?
- Yeah.
41
00:01:39,789 --> 00:01:41,822
We should have gotten her
a better mattress.
42
00:01:41,824 --> 00:01:42,891
How come we didn't think
of that?
43
00:01:42,893 --> 00:01:44,992
You know what this room needs,
is a Medeco lock.
44
00:01:44,994 --> 00:01:46,594
Medeco makes a very sturdy lock.
45
00:01:46,596 --> 00:01:47,661
- Yeah.
- And what's with this
46
00:01:47,663 --> 00:01:48,963
co-ed dorm?
Why are we doing that?
47
00:01:48,965 --> 00:01:50,798
She's in a co-ed dorm,
whose idea was that?
48
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,501
That's wrong.
49
00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:54,438
I love you guys so much.
50
00:01:55,606 --> 00:01:56,741
Thank you.
51
00:01:58,875 --> 00:02:00,474
Thank you for everything.
52
00:03:34,937 --> 00:03:36,804
- It's gonna be okay.
- Which part?
53
00:03:36,806 --> 00:03:38,042
All of it. I promise.
54
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,079
Can I help you?
55
00:03:45,081 --> 00:03:47,749
- Sorry, guys. Gotta hook it up.
- Shit!
56
00:03:47,751 --> 00:03:48,950
What, now?
57
00:03:48,952 --> 00:03:50,017
Hey, man.
58
00:03:50,019 --> 00:03:51,553
I'm just doing my job,
all right?
59
00:03:51,555 --> 00:03:52,521
We, uh...
60
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,255
we just dropped our daughter
off at college,
61
00:03:54,257 --> 00:03:55,624
and we've been
really, really busy,
62
00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:57,691
and I'll send a payment
in a few days.
63
00:03:57,693 --> 00:04:00,128
Look, it's not me,
it's Volvo, okay?
64
00:04:00,130 --> 00:04:02,596
They don't fuck around
when it comes to a lease, okay?
65
00:04:02,598 --> 00:04:04,298
I just need a little more time.
66
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:06,600
There...
there is a backstory here.
67
00:04:06,602 --> 00:04:09,237
Always is, brother. Always is.
68
00:04:09,239 --> 00:04:10,905
Would you like to hear it?
69
00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,112
All right, shoot.
70
00:04:18,114 --> 00:04:20,081
I started a medical company.
71
00:04:20,083 --> 00:04:23,117
Put everything we had into it,
making a medical innovation
72
00:04:23,119 --> 00:04:25,886
that's been adding years
to people's lives.
73
00:04:25,888 --> 00:04:28,256
We rolled the dice hard,
but we believed in it.
74
00:04:28,258 --> 00:04:29,658
Then there was a problem.
75
00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:31,893
Small, but enough
for some news stories.
76
00:04:31,895 --> 00:04:33,895
They started calling us
"controversial,"
77
00:04:33,897 --> 00:04:35,564
which is the toughest word
in our business,
78
00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:36,831
and it's been...
79
00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:38,732
bad dominoes ever since.
80
00:04:38,734 --> 00:04:40,802
Now, our daughter doesn't know
at all about this.
81
00:04:40,804 --> 00:04:43,304
We've been holding it together
until she went off to college,
82
00:04:43,306 --> 00:04:45,273
and now we're gonna
hold it together
83
00:04:45,275 --> 00:04:46,844
until we get back on our feet.
84
00:04:48,111 --> 00:04:49,643
What do you make?
85
00:04:49,645 --> 00:04:51,612
- What, salary?
- Product.
86
00:04:51,614 --> 00:04:54,949
Artificial heart valves designed
for transfemoral placement,
87
00:04:54,951 --> 00:04:56,251
- which means...
- Dual leg artery.
88
00:04:56,253 --> 00:04:57,751
I know.
89
00:04:57,753 --> 00:04:59,789
You know what I used to do
before this repo shit?
90
00:05:00,624 --> 00:05:01,657
- Paramedic.
- Oh?
91
00:05:01,659 --> 00:05:04,626
Yeah. People used to be glad
to see me show up.
92
00:05:04,628 --> 00:05:06,961
Yesterday, I had to take
three child seats
93
00:05:06,963 --> 00:05:08,730
out of the back of a Lexus,
94
00:05:08,732 --> 00:05:10,064
lay them out on their lawn,
95
00:05:10,066 --> 00:05:11,699
like I was setting up for some
96
00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:14,102
goddamn baby
Lollapalooza concert,
97
00:05:14,104 --> 00:05:15,737
The Wiggles or some shit.
98
00:05:15,739 --> 00:05:17,338
- Remember them?
- No.
99
00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:19,206
Fuckin' Yum Yum Fruit Salad.
100
00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:20,307
I got kids.
101
00:05:20,309 --> 00:05:21,311
It was sad.
102
00:05:23,914 --> 00:05:26,381
Shit. Okay, look.
103
00:05:26,383 --> 00:05:27,581
I'll tell 'em you weren't here.
104
00:05:27,583 --> 00:05:31,052
But the most I can get you
is days, not weeks. All right?
105
00:05:31,054 --> 00:05:32,821
So, if I were you,
106
00:05:32,823 --> 00:05:34,823
I'd find a way
to put some loot in my suit.
107
00:05:34,825 --> 00:05:37,124
Sell some crack,
or I'll be back!
108
00:05:43,333 --> 00:05:45,570
- Thank you.
- Thank you!
109
00:05:46,369 --> 00:05:47,968
Finally a break.
110
00:05:56,313 --> 00:05:58,013
What about the, uh,
111
00:05:58,015 --> 00:05:59,413
lamp in the den?
112
00:05:59,415 --> 00:06:01,182
It's broken.
113
00:06:01,184 --> 00:06:03,050
So, we sell it, uh,
114
00:06:03,052 --> 00:06:04,352
as is, or we fix it?
115
00:06:04,354 --> 00:06:07,122
We don't fix things, Frank,
we only ruin them...
116
00:06:07,124 --> 00:06:08,756
Hi guys.
117
00:06:08,758 --> 00:06:10,992
- Having a yard sale?
- Uh, no, Bert.
118
00:06:10,994 --> 00:06:13,828
Our living room
puked all over our yard.
119
00:06:13,830 --> 00:06:15,396
- What?
- Bye.
120
00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:17,766
Oh, look, Frank.
121
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:21,770
A 2,000-dollar Breville Oracle
espresso machine.
122
00:06:21,772 --> 00:06:24,372
And we just had to have it.
123
00:06:24,374 --> 00:06:28,710
But, we never even took it out
of the damn box.
124
00:06:28,712 --> 00:06:30,944
Just be happy that the thing
is still in the box,
125
00:06:30,946 --> 00:06:33,814
it's worth 2,000 dollars,
one-eighth of that is,
126
00:06:33,816 --> 00:06:35,083
it's a... it's a car payment.
127
00:06:35,085 --> 00:06:37,018
Why did we get all this stuff?
128
00:06:37,020 --> 00:06:39,787
Stuff, stuff, stuff everywhere,
129
00:06:39,789 --> 00:06:43,158
and I can't even afford
to get my roots done
130
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,893
or get a bikini wax.
131
00:06:44,895 --> 00:06:47,061
Hey, guys!
You're having a yard sale?
132
00:06:47,063 --> 00:06:48,730
Hi, Jason.
133
00:06:48,732 --> 00:06:50,999
No, Jason, our house got hit
by a tidal wave.
134
00:06:51,001 --> 00:06:52,066
Just ours.
135
00:06:52,068 --> 00:06:53,434
Uh. It's a freak of nature.
136
00:06:53,436 --> 00:06:55,002
Well, I'm glad it was yours.
137
00:06:55,004 --> 00:06:56,905
'Cause, salt water,
it's like kryptonite
138
00:06:56,907 --> 00:06:58,006
for the wheelchair.
139
00:06:58,008 --> 00:07:00,441
Jason, are you making
a handicap joke?
140
00:07:00,443 --> 00:07:02,210
I'm sorry, I thought...
141
00:07:02,212 --> 00:07:03,845
'Cause...
142
00:07:03,847 --> 00:07:05,913
I'm the one in the...
Uh, Rachel called me.
143
00:07:05,915 --> 00:07:07,081
It sounds like
she made it off fine.
144
00:07:07,083 --> 00:07:08,383
So, the two of you
were trying to make
145
00:07:08,385 --> 00:07:09,484
the long-distance thing work?
146
00:07:09,486 --> 00:07:12,153
The odds are against it, Jason,
and she's ambitious
147
00:07:12,155 --> 00:07:14,189
and you live at home.
148
00:07:14,191 --> 00:07:16,023
- Frank?
- Yes?
149
00:07:16,025 --> 00:07:18,225
Don't pay any attention
to him, Jason.
150
00:07:18,227 --> 00:07:20,261
He's been drinking.
151
00:07:20,263 --> 00:07:21,963
Well, I'd better be off
to work, so...
152
00:07:21,965 --> 00:07:24,131
Hey, Jason, do you wear
your Staples uniform
153
00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:25,766
under your clothes
like Superman,
154
00:07:25,768 --> 00:07:27,235
or do you go home
and change at your mom's,
155
00:07:27,237 --> 00:07:29,069
where you live, with your mom?
156
00:07:37,179 --> 00:07:39,013
Can't understand the,
the whispered Spanish.
157
00:07:39,015 --> 00:07:41,516
Mr. Teagarten, I'd really like
to get along with you,
158
00:07:41,518 --> 00:07:43,251
even if Rachel and I
are eventually just friends,
159
00:07:43,253 --> 00:07:44,319
nothing more,
160
00:07:44,321 --> 00:07:46,888
'cause I... I think you guys
are amazing people.
161
00:07:46,890 --> 00:07:48,323
Thank you, Jason.
162
00:07:48,325 --> 00:07:50,891
- Have a nice day.
- Yeah.
163
00:07:50,893 --> 00:07:52,860
Enjoy the ride.
164
00:07:52,862 --> 00:07:54,862
It's like,
'cause of the wheelchair.
165
00:07:54,864 --> 00:07:56,965
That's...
166
00:07:56,967 --> 00:07:58,335
Have a nice one.
167
00:08:02,172 --> 00:08:04,872
Nigel, how's it going over there
in London, huh?
168
00:08:04,874 --> 00:08:06,473
Are they still
driving backwards?
169
00:08:06,475 --> 00:08:07,842
What are you talking about?
170
00:08:09,112 --> 00:08:10,811
You know what I mean.
171
00:08:10,813 --> 00:08:12,814
You know, sideways,
172
00:08:12,816 --> 00:08:14,282
the cars...
173
00:08:14,284 --> 00:08:15,350
the street?
174
00:08:15,352 --> 00:08:16,850
Have you been drinking?
175
00:08:16,852 --> 00:08:17,951
Oh, that's hilarious.
176
00:08:17,953 --> 00:08:20,121
Seriously.
177
00:08:20,123 --> 00:08:21,889
Listen to me,
I am gonna be traveling
178
00:08:21,891 --> 00:08:23,057
for a while, all right?
179
00:08:23,059 --> 00:08:24,324
I'm gonna be gone to Nepal,
180
00:08:24,326 --> 00:08:25,826
I'll be gone
for about four months,
181
00:08:25,828 --> 00:08:26,727
I'll be off the grid.
182
00:08:26,729 --> 00:08:28,162
Oh, that's weird.
Hey, listen, Nigel,
183
00:08:28,164 --> 00:08:29,163
while I have you on the phone,
184
00:08:29,165 --> 00:08:31,833
I think I need to ask you
for more money...
185
00:08:31,835 --> 00:08:32,833
to watch the house.
186
00:08:32,835 --> 00:08:34,501
'Cause I'm over there
like three days a week.
187
00:08:34,503 --> 00:08:35,703
What are you talking about?
188
00:08:35,705 --> 00:08:37,872
It's not that hard
to watch my house.
189
00:08:37,874 --> 00:08:39,207
I live right next door to you.
190
00:08:39,209 --> 00:08:40,974
I should... I can get
the kid down the street
191
00:08:40,976 --> 00:08:42,010
to do it for free,
192
00:08:42,012 --> 00:08:43,812
just so he can go in
and watch cable.
193
00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:45,012
Jesus.
194
00:08:45,014 --> 00:08:47,181
What did he say
about more money?
195
00:08:47,183 --> 00:08:48,351
I don't think he's into it.
196
00:08:50,085 --> 00:08:51,455
I'm going to Nigel's
for a minute.
197
00:09:20,517 --> 00:09:21,518
No.
198
00:09:26,322 --> 00:09:28,323
Hello, this is Frank.
199
00:09:28,325 --> 00:09:30,424
Oh, hi. Uh...
200
00:09:30,426 --> 00:09:32,961
Yes, I am going to pay you soon.
201
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:34,062
Uh, no, I don't know when,
202
00:09:34,064 --> 00:09:37,265
but your credit card
is very important to me, so I...
203
00:09:37,267 --> 00:09:40,034
Oh, yes, I know that, but...
204
00:09:40,036 --> 00:09:41,602
Well, I do wanna work with you,
so how about this?
205
00:09:41,604 --> 00:09:42,538
I'll send you the credit card,
206
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:45,106
and you just shove it up
your fucking ass.
207
00:09:45,108 --> 00:09:46,241
Does that work?
208
00:09:55,384 --> 00:09:56,950
Yes.
209
00:09:56,952 --> 00:09:58,288
Yes. Yes.
210
00:10:02,325 --> 00:10:03,491
Absolutely not.
211
00:10:03,493 --> 00:10:05,093
It's a Chateau Latour.
212
00:10:05,095 --> 00:10:06,928
It's worth 800 dollars.
213
00:10:06,930 --> 00:10:08,328
Have you lost your mind?
214
00:10:08,330 --> 00:10:10,198
Wait a minute.
215
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,333
Since when
did you start smoking?
216
00:10:12,335 --> 00:10:13,468
Just now.
217
00:10:13,470 --> 00:10:14,935
Great timing.
218
00:10:14,937 --> 00:10:16,670
Just when we can't afford it.
219
00:10:16,672 --> 00:10:18,673
Nigel has hundreds
of bottles of wine.
220
00:10:18,675 --> 00:10:19,741
He doesn't need more wine.
221
00:10:19,743 --> 00:10:22,043
He needs a punch in the face,
but not more wine.
222
00:10:22,045 --> 00:10:23,578
Would you please
have some decency?
223
00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:26,213
You're supposed to be looking
after his property,
224
00:10:26,215 --> 00:10:28,482
not parting it out
like an old Chevy.
225
00:10:28,484 --> 00:10:30,117
- What?
- I mean, what's next?
226
00:10:30,119 --> 00:10:33,987
You gonna put an... an ad
on Craigslist and rent it out?
227
00:10:35,124 --> 00:10:37,157
Rent out his house?
228
00:10:37,159 --> 00:10:39,863
Rent out Nigel's house?
On Craigslist?
229
00:10:40,696 --> 00:10:41,963
That's insane.
230
00:10:41,965 --> 00:10:43,931
Stop changing
the subject.
231
00:10:43,933 --> 00:10:46,633
Put that bottle of wine back.
232
00:10:46,635 --> 00:10:48,001
Right now.
233
00:10:48,003 --> 00:10:49,572
Shame on you, Frank!
234
00:11:06,723 --> 00:11:08,655
I love this album.
235
00:11:08,657 --> 00:11:10,426
Are they still called albums?
236
00:11:11,127 --> 00:11:14,161
Albums...
237
00:11:14,163 --> 00:11:17,598
C, D, D, D.
238
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,568
C, D, D, D.
239
00:11:22,272 --> 00:11:24,072
You know the Filipinos?
240
00:11:24,074 --> 00:11:25,238
Bob and Teresa?
241
00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,040
From the Philippines.
242
00:11:27,042 --> 00:11:30,144
They used to strap
coca tree bark to their bodies
243
00:11:30,146 --> 00:11:31,578
before they went to battle.
244
00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:35,516
The coca then, would leech
into their bloodstream,
245
00:11:35,518 --> 00:11:37,517
and get them amped up
246
00:11:37,519 --> 00:11:40,188
to help them overcome
the fear of war.
247
00:11:40,190 --> 00:11:43,190
Frank, we're at war.
248
00:11:43,192 --> 00:11:46,194
I don't think we can get
our hands on that kind of bark.
249
00:11:46,196 --> 00:11:48,729
We ran out of vodka.
250
00:11:48,731 --> 00:11:51,531
I wonder what Rachel
will listen to in college.
251
00:11:51,533 --> 00:11:53,668
What music will...
252
00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:56,069
transport her back to her youth,
253
00:11:56,071 --> 00:11:58,473
back to a time when her
whole life was in front of her.
254
00:12:00,210 --> 00:12:02,242
I don't know.
255
00:12:02,244 --> 00:12:04,277
I only know I'm sad
about that vodka.
256
00:12:07,182 --> 00:12:08,251
Fuck it.
257
00:12:09,619 --> 00:12:11,151
Latour, baby!
258
00:12:13,455 --> 00:12:16,493
Whatever happens probably will.
259
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,629
- Let's finish it inside.
- Yeah.
260
00:12:20,330 --> 00:12:22,063
Yeah.
261
00:12:22,065 --> 00:12:25,032
Starts getting better tomorrow.
262
00:12:25,034 --> 00:12:27,234
♪ When I'm stuck with a day ♪
263
00:12:27,236 --> 00:12:30,338
♪ That's grey, and lonely ♪
264
00:12:30,340 --> 00:12:32,473
♪ I just stick out my chin ♪
265
00:12:32,475 --> 00:12:34,375
♪ and grin... ♪
266
00:12:34,377 --> 00:12:36,676
- Oh!
-
♪ And say ♪
267
00:12:36,678 --> 00:12:41,415
♪ The sun will come out
Tomorrow ♪
268
00:12:41,417 --> 00:12:45,486
♪ Mañana! Mañana! ♪
269
00:12:45,488 --> 00:12:48,455
♪ Te quiero, mañana! ♪
270
00:12:48,457 --> 00:12:53,093
♪ You're only a day ♪
271
00:12:53,095 --> 00:12:57,365
♪ Away! ♪
272
00:12:57,367 --> 00:13:00,300
You fell on your ass, baby.
273
00:13:29,699 --> 00:13:31,168
Excuse me!
274
00:13:31,835 --> 00:13:34,635
Hi.
275
00:13:34,637 --> 00:13:37,371
What, what can you tell me
about this house?
276
00:13:37,373 --> 00:13:38,506
I'm sorry?
277
00:13:38,508 --> 00:13:42,376
There was a rental ad
for this house on Craigslist,
278
00:13:42,378 --> 00:13:44,511
but no one's answering
the doorbell.
279
00:13:44,513 --> 00:13:46,447
An ad on Craigslist?
280
00:13:46,449 --> 00:13:47,518
Yeah.
281
00:13:48,551 --> 00:13:50,218
For Nigel's house?
282
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:53,420
No, somebody named Frank?
283
00:13:53,422 --> 00:13:56,690
The ad's gone,
it was flagged for profanity.
284
00:13:56,692 --> 00:13:58,593
Okay, wait. Back the fuck up.
285
00:13:58,595 --> 00:14:00,394
Let's start over. What?
286
00:14:00,396 --> 00:14:01,795
Well, there was an ad,
287
00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:04,298
"For rent,
big, beautiful fucking house
288
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:05,833
furnished up the ass."
289
00:14:05,835 --> 00:14:07,604
Obviously, I was intrigued.
290
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,309
Are, are you okay?
291
00:14:14,444 --> 00:14:16,180
Not even in the ballpark.
292
00:14:27,757 --> 00:14:29,857
Four dollars?
293
00:14:29,859 --> 00:14:32,593
Four dollars for a zucchini.
294
00:14:32,595 --> 00:14:35,596
And these people won't even
grease the wheels
295
00:14:35,598 --> 00:14:38,535
of their shopping cart.
296
00:14:39,301 --> 00:14:40,403
Fuckers.
297
00:14:49,512 --> 00:14:50,777
Nancy?
298
00:14:50,779 --> 00:14:52,246
Are you okay?
299
00:14:52,248 --> 00:14:53,684
Oh, you.
300
00:14:54,617 --> 00:14:56,284
Heidi, hi.
301
00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:59,420
I'm fine, it's just that
I saw a spider,
302
00:14:59,422 --> 00:15:01,322
and I tried to get it.
303
00:15:01,324 --> 00:15:03,290
My foot got stuck.
304
00:15:03,292 --> 00:15:06,429
Um, are those box wines
in your cart?
305
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,966
No, I'm juicing.
306
00:15:11,968 --> 00:15:14,267
How are Chip and the kids?
307
00:15:14,269 --> 00:15:16,938
Oh, Chip pulled some strings
and got Carter into Yale.
308
00:15:16,940 --> 00:15:19,573
He won't light up the world
but he won't blow it up, either.
309
00:15:19,575 --> 00:15:20,708
Oh.
310
00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:23,743
Oh, totally off subject,
did you hear about Lisa Chang?
311
00:15:23,745 --> 00:15:24,978
No, Lisa?
312
00:15:24,980 --> 00:15:26,914
She and Andrew split up,
younger woman,
313
00:15:26,916 --> 00:15:28,348
yadda yadda, you know the drill.
314
00:15:28,350 --> 00:15:32,752
But, Lisa is working
at Macy's now.
315
00:15:32,754 --> 00:15:34,421
At the perfume counter.
316
00:15:34,423 --> 00:15:37,424
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god.
317
00:15:37,426 --> 00:15:39,794
She's waving
those little smelly cards
318
00:15:39,796 --> 00:15:41,364
on people's faces.
319
00:15:42,398 --> 00:15:43,499
She gained ten pounds.
320
00:15:44,533 --> 00:15:46,567
And she's about to gain more.
321
00:15:46,569 --> 00:15:48,803
Because you have to be rich
to be skinny.
322
00:15:48,805 --> 00:15:52,573
All the cheap foods
are the ones that pork you up.
323
00:15:52,575 --> 00:15:55,543
The sugars, the carbs,
the corn syrup.
324
00:15:55,545 --> 00:15:56,876
I do not understand why
325
00:15:56,878 --> 00:15:59,847
the more preservatives
and chemicals
326
00:15:59,849 --> 00:16:02,683
they put in the food,
the cheaper it is.
327
00:16:02,685 --> 00:16:05,419
And the food that just comes
out of the earth,
328
00:16:05,421 --> 00:16:07,021
it's so expensive.
329
00:16:07,023 --> 00:16:08,521
Bastards!
330
00:16:08,523 --> 00:16:10,524
It's those hippies,
331
00:16:10,526 --> 00:16:12,459
they seed their sow going,
332
00:16:12,461 --> 00:16:16,764
"Hey dude, look at this
zucchini, man.
333
00:16:16,766 --> 00:16:20,034
It's so beautiful,
a gift from Mother Earth.
334
00:16:20,036 --> 00:16:22,303
How much should we
charge for it?"
335
00:16:22,305 --> 00:16:23,838
"Uh, I don't know,
336
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,740
uh, 4.20?
337
00:16:37,019 --> 00:16:39,555
Okay, bye. Goodbye.
Nice to see you.
338
00:16:40,623 --> 00:16:41,988
- Bye. Bye.
- Bye.
339
00:16:41,990 --> 00:16:43,056
Bye.
340
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,330
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
341
00:16:48,665 --> 00:16:49,664
Oh, Frank.
342
00:16:49,666 --> 00:16:52,436
I think I'm having
an anxiety attack, and...
343
00:16:55,370 --> 00:16:56,505
Wait, what?
344
00:17:13,723 --> 00:17:14,825
Is this a joke?
345
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:19,960
- But when?
- The check?
346
00:17:19,962 --> 00:17:21,628
No, the ad.
347
00:17:21,630 --> 00:17:23,830
Oh, it must have been last night
when we were drinking.
348
00:17:23,832 --> 00:17:26,032
I thought you did it.
It was all your idea.
349
00:17:26,034 --> 00:17:27,902
My idea?
350
00:17:27,904 --> 00:17:30,771
Frank, I said it to make a point
351
00:17:30,773 --> 00:17:33,874
about how we don't do anything
stupid like that.
352
00:17:33,876 --> 00:17:35,108
Don't you remember?
353
00:17:35,110 --> 00:17:36,810
I don't remember us
polishing off
354
00:17:36,812 --> 00:17:39,012
that Chateau Latour,
but we did that too, right?
355
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,380
I remember that.
356
00:17:40,382 --> 00:17:42,415
I remember pulling the cork,
357
00:17:42,417 --> 00:17:43,651
it made that pop sound
358
00:17:43,653 --> 00:17:45,786
like the crunch sound
Eve probably made
359
00:17:45,788 --> 00:17:47,291
when she bit the apple.
360
00:17:47,823 --> 00:17:48,857
Baby.
361
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,826
It's six months in advance,
his name is Carl,
362
00:17:51,828 --> 00:17:54,064
and for what it's worth,
I think he was sent from God.
363
00:17:56,131 --> 00:17:59,799
Frank, do you understand
what this means?
364
00:17:59,801 --> 00:18:03,636
It means an entire year
of Rachel's tuition.
365
00:18:03,638 --> 00:18:05,742
Thank you, Jesus!
366
00:18:07,877 --> 00:18:09,909
Does this mean...
367
00:18:09,911 --> 00:18:11,614
we're gonna celebrate?
368
00:18:12,915 --> 00:18:14,682
Heck yes!
369
00:18:14,684 --> 00:18:16,953
But I gotta do something first.
370
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:19,388
I'll be right back.
371
00:18:38,006 --> 00:18:39,042
Hi, Frank.
372
00:18:39,641 --> 00:18:40,741
Hey.
373
00:18:40,743 --> 00:18:42,842
Is that Dave Brubeck
on the stereo?
374
00:18:42,844 --> 00:18:44,412
- No.
- Ah. Too bad,
375
00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:45,480
I love Brubeck.
376
00:18:45,482 --> 00:18:48,482
Especially back when Stan Getz
was on tenor sax.
377
00:18:48,484 --> 00:18:50,184
Getz did the soundtrack
for
Micky One,
378
00:18:50,186 --> 00:18:51,952
which is my favorite
Warren Beatty film.
379
00:18:51,954 --> 00:18:54,855
I wanna say '65, '66.
380
00:18:54,857 --> 00:18:57,057
Warren Beatty
was a handsome boy.
381
00:18:57,059 --> 00:18:58,792
Got all the lady women, right?
382
00:18:58,794 --> 00:19:00,594
But you know,
Micky One's not for everyone.
383
00:19:00,596 --> 00:19:01,694
You have to be patient.
384
00:19:01,696 --> 00:19:04,498
Unlike
Star Wars,
that really trucks along, right?
385
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:05,899
Same with
Dances With Wolves.
386
00:19:05,901 --> 00:19:06,966
Kevin Costner, he was...
387
00:19:09,105 --> 00:19:12,071
Uh, Carl, that was bizarre,
and I didn't follow any of it.
388
00:19:12,073 --> 00:19:13,507
Is everything okay?
389
00:19:13,509 --> 00:19:14,707
Oh, it's...
390
00:19:14,709 --> 00:19:16,210
I love the house.
391
00:19:16,212 --> 00:19:17,811
I'm being rude.
392
00:19:17,813 --> 00:19:20,213
This is my good buddy, Joe.
393
00:19:20,215 --> 00:19:23,552
Well, less of a buddy
and more of a parole officer.
394
00:19:24,786 --> 00:19:25,919
I beg your pardon?
395
00:19:25,921 --> 00:19:30,523
Frank, uh, as a new neighbor,
I'm "legally required"
396
00:19:30,525 --> 00:19:33,793
to tell you that
I'm a registered sex offender.
397
00:19:33,795 --> 00:19:34,994
Come again?
398
00:19:34,996 --> 00:19:37,063
Wow, really?
399
00:19:37,065 --> 00:19:38,031
Really what?
400
00:19:38,033 --> 00:19:40,166
I... I was kidding.
You said "come again"
401
00:19:40,168 --> 00:19:42,837
and I'm a sex offender.
It was a joke.
402
00:19:42,839 --> 00:19:44,938
Carl's a class three offender.
403
00:19:44,940 --> 00:19:48,742
He has to notify any resident
within a designated area.
404
00:19:48,744 --> 00:19:50,478
So we'll be going
house to house.
405
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,912
It's kind of like
trick or treating,
406
00:19:51,914 --> 00:19:53,746
except for we don't get candy,
407
00:19:53,748 --> 00:19:55,982
we tell people I'm a pedophile.
408
00:19:55,984 --> 00:19:58,219
I'm sorry, I'm having trouble
with my ears.
409
00:19:58,221 --> 00:20:01,821
There's a really loud sound
to them, like a...
410
00:20:01,823 --> 00:20:04,959
like a roaring
crashing ocean, so...
411
00:20:04,961 --> 00:20:06,659
What the fuck did you just say?
412
00:20:06,661 --> 00:20:08,261
Baby, tell little Frank
413
00:20:08,263 --> 00:20:09,963
that I'm here, that I'm ready.
414
00:20:09,965 --> 00:20:11,065
Baby, get away from the door!
415
00:20:14,503 --> 00:20:15,769
Wow. Frank.
416
00:20:15,771 --> 00:20:17,474
You really did well.
417
00:20:19,207 --> 00:20:21,774
I did not
see that coming.
418
00:20:21,776 --> 00:20:24,944
Good.
I'm glad you didn't plan this.
419
00:20:24,946 --> 00:20:27,280
Gotta burn down
the house to cook the pig.
420
00:20:27,282 --> 00:20:28,348
What?
421
00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:30,717
I'm saying,
"I did not see that coming."
422
00:20:30,719 --> 00:20:32,019
Oh, look.
423
00:20:32,021 --> 00:20:33,654
They're going
to the Templeman's.
424
00:20:33,656 --> 00:20:35,222
Nice people, the Templeman's.
425
00:20:35,224 --> 00:20:37,590
Their lawn is always so green.
426
00:20:37,592 --> 00:20:39,792
I've always wondered
what they use.
427
00:20:39,794 --> 00:20:41,228
Maybe you can call Carl.
428
00:20:41,230 --> 00:20:43,931
You know, the fucking,
fucking sex offender,
429
00:20:43,933 --> 00:20:45,135
and ask him to ask them.
430
00:20:48,771 --> 00:20:51,070
Probably magnesium sulfate.
431
00:20:51,072 --> 00:20:53,706
You realize
we're going to jail, right?
432
00:20:53,708 --> 00:20:55,842
No.
Nigel will never press charges,
433
00:20:55,844 --> 00:20:57,978
I've pulled his fat out
of the fire too many times.
434
00:20:57,980 --> 00:21:00,180
Like last month,
his smoke detector was beeping,
435
00:21:00,182 --> 00:21:02,683
I changed the nine-volt,
didn't even charge him.
436
00:21:02,685 --> 00:21:04,117
Snap out of it,
motherfucker.
437
00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:06,252
We're going to jail.
438
00:21:06,254 --> 00:21:08,621
Don't, uh,
forget your prescriptions
439
00:21:08,623 --> 00:21:10,324
and anything else you might need
for the next few weeks.
440
00:21:10,326 --> 00:21:12,559
Frank, help me.
441
00:21:12,561 --> 00:21:14,129
Hold this bag. Hold this bag.
442
00:21:16,866 --> 00:21:19,066
Do you really need
all these panties and such, hun?
443
00:21:19,068 --> 00:21:21,734
No. I'm gonna hide them
in the attic.
444
00:21:21,736 --> 00:21:24,238
I don't want him
going all over my lingerie.
445
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,772
The word is "cumming," honey.
Cumming.
446
00:21:25,774 --> 00:21:26,773
I don't give a damn.
447
00:21:26,775 --> 00:21:30,644
I do not want his DNA
on my private things.
448
00:21:30,646 --> 00:21:32,980
Baby, we really don't know
what he did.
449
00:21:32,982 --> 00:21:34,951
Then you should hide
your panties, too.
450
00:21:44,593 --> 00:21:46,659
Hi.
451
00:21:46,661 --> 00:21:49,896
Look, I, I, I know
I should have said something,
452
00:21:49,898 --> 00:21:52,132
but it...
it's not like I told you
453
00:21:52,134 --> 00:21:54,734
I wasn't a registered offender.
454
00:21:54,736 --> 00:21:56,235
Oh, my god, he just said that.
455
00:21:56,237 --> 00:21:57,771
I saw his lips move
and everything.
456
00:21:57,773 --> 00:21:58,972
Carl.
457
00:21:58,974 --> 00:22:01,140
Part of me would like to punch
you in the face right now,
458
00:22:01,142 --> 00:22:03,777
but another part of me would
like to kick you in the balls.
459
00:22:03,779 --> 00:22:04,845
Which do you prefer?
460
00:22:04,847 --> 00:22:08,382
Uh, thanks. I... I normally
don't get a choice.
461
00:22:08,384 --> 00:22:11,151
But I, I don't know anything
about your house.
462
00:22:11,153 --> 00:22:14,754
Well, how do I know your house
is as nice as this house?
463
00:22:14,756 --> 00:22:16,857
Our house is gorgeous.
464
00:22:16,859 --> 00:22:19,393
Carl, you don't have a choice.
465
00:22:19,395 --> 00:22:22,128
Our house could be a shack
cantilevered over
466
00:22:22,130 --> 00:22:24,130
hell's septic tank,
and it wouldn't matter.
467
00:22:24,132 --> 00:22:25,398
You either move into our house,
468
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:29,002
or you're back on the street,
because you cannot stay here.
469
00:22:29,004 --> 00:22:32,905
I guess I could just get
my 25 grand back
470
00:22:32,907 --> 00:22:34,340
and find another place.
471
00:22:41,050 --> 00:22:42,217
You know what?
472
00:22:43,019 --> 00:22:44,184
Fine with me.
473
00:22:44,186 --> 00:22:47,287
Because I'm not even sure
that I want you in my house,
474
00:22:47,289 --> 00:22:50,758
sleeping in our bed,
inside our sheets,
475
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,260
where I sleep naked
all the time.
476
00:22:54,330 --> 00:22:56,930
And what if he finds
our home videos?
477
00:22:56,932 --> 00:22:59,032
Didn't I tell you
not to film that?
478
00:22:59,034 --> 00:23:01,702
Maybe I can make this work.
479
00:23:01,704 --> 00:23:03,936
Let me... let me run
something by you.
480
00:23:03,938 --> 00:23:06,339
The Swedish Duxiana mattress.
481
00:23:06,341 --> 00:23:09,376
I haven't been able to sleep
one night in it.
482
00:23:09,378 --> 00:23:13,079
I'm not really interested
in mattresses normally,
483
00:23:13,081 --> 00:23:16,817
but this is my one time
for this mattress,
484
00:23:16,819 --> 00:23:18,152
and I'm not even a mattress guy.
485
00:23:18,154 --> 00:23:20,020
- You want the mattress, Carl?
- Yeah.
486
00:23:20,022 --> 00:23:21,288
Are you out
of your fucking mind?
487
00:23:21,290 --> 00:23:22,822
You're not getting the mattress.
488
00:23:22,824 --> 00:23:24,191
Have you ever had
your head examined?
489
00:23:24,193 --> 00:23:25,959
What's in there, Pop-Tarts?
490
00:23:25,961 --> 00:23:27,927
"I'm not even a mattress guy."
491
00:23:27,929 --> 00:23:29,229
Jesus H. Christ, Carl.
492
00:23:29,231 --> 00:23:32,299
You are not getting
the fucking mattress!
493
00:23:32,301 --> 00:23:34,337
Why are we going through
the backyard?
494
00:23:35,137 --> 00:23:36,736
Why is the sky blue?
495
00:23:36,738 --> 00:23:38,004
Uh, 'cause sunlight
496
00:23:38,006 --> 00:23:40,240
is refracted
by dust particles in the air
497
00:23:40,242 --> 00:23:43,242
and blue is the dominant color
of the spectrum?
498
00:23:43,244 --> 00:23:45,212
Did you learn that
in the fifth grade,
499
00:23:45,214 --> 00:23:46,780
or from a fifth grader?
500
00:23:46,782 --> 00:23:47,850
Ouch.
501
00:23:50,386 --> 00:23:52,051
Baby,
only you would think
502
00:23:52,053 --> 00:23:55,923
of turning Nigel's pool
into our own private drive-in.
503
00:23:55,925 --> 00:23:57,790
Maybe I'm losing my mind.
504
00:23:57,792 --> 00:23:59,492
Aww.
505
00:23:59,494 --> 00:24:01,427
Look at her.
506
00:24:01,429 --> 00:24:03,864
That was Rachel's
fifth-grade play.
507
00:24:03,866 --> 00:24:05,299
She was so good.
508
00:24:05,301 --> 00:24:07,835
Rachel was the best thing in it.
I'm being objective.
509
00:24:07,837 --> 00:24:08,802
I mean, compared to Rachel,
510
00:24:08,804 --> 00:24:10,771
the rest of these kids
were all laughable.
511
00:24:10,773 --> 00:24:14,744
Their screechy voices,
so hard on the ears.
512
00:24:16,011 --> 00:24:18,145
Ah, and there it is.
513
00:24:18,147 --> 00:24:22,515
Janice's grand,
unforgettable party.
514
00:24:22,517 --> 00:24:24,818
Your sister
only threw that party
515
00:24:24,820 --> 00:24:26,753
to prove how rich she is.
516
00:24:26,755 --> 00:24:30,022
You know, I was in
a 98 cents store today.
517
00:24:30,024 --> 00:24:32,158
I bet you anything that Janice
518
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,261
would never set foot
in one of those.
519
00:24:35,263 --> 00:24:37,297
That's only because
she married Dan,
520
00:24:37,299 --> 00:24:40,501
not because
she's any smarter than you.
521
00:24:40,503 --> 00:24:43,236
Do you remember
when we went together?
522
00:24:43,238 --> 00:24:45,505
You were craving Baby Ruths.
523
00:24:45,507 --> 00:24:48,308
I just had to have
that Baby Ruth.
524
00:24:48,310 --> 00:24:50,844
On a hunch,
we bought that pregnancy test
525
00:24:50,846 --> 00:24:53,347
and eight months later,
526
00:24:53,349 --> 00:24:55,918
along came our little Rachel.
527
00:24:56,417 --> 00:24:57,917
To Baby Ruths.
528
00:24:57,919 --> 00:24:59,386
To Baby Ruths.
529
00:25:05,226 --> 00:25:06,292
Hello?
530
00:25:07,362 --> 00:25:08,965
Mr. Teagarten's not at home.
531
00:25:09,465 --> 00:25:11,063
I'm sorry?
532
00:25:11,065 --> 00:25:12,965
He owes you money?
533
00:25:12,967 --> 00:25:15,836
Well, I'm his butler,
not his accountant,
534
00:25:15,838 --> 00:25:16,936
you fucking ass.
535
00:25:21,109 --> 00:25:22,876
That was Mastercard.
536
00:25:22,878 --> 00:25:26,346
Frank, why don't we sell
our funeral plots?
537
00:25:26,348 --> 00:25:27,848
We can get what,
538
00:25:27,850 --> 00:25:30,149
2,000 dollars at least, right?
539
00:25:30,151 --> 00:25:33,355
Shit, baby, I'm sorry.
School wanted a dorm deposit.
540
00:25:34,290 --> 00:25:35,289
Well, how lovely.
541
00:25:35,291 --> 00:25:38,325
I actually have to pee
really badly right now,
542
00:25:38,327 --> 00:25:40,594
and I would normally
do it right here in the pool,
543
00:25:40,596 --> 00:25:42,799
but I don't wanna make
our problems any worse.
544
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:52,475
Is that you, Carl?
545
00:25:55,476 --> 00:25:57,144
What's up, pervert?
546
00:25:57,146 --> 00:25:58,478
What the hell
is going on here?
547
00:25:59,581 --> 00:26:02,182
Nancy, Nancy, call 911!
548
00:26:02,184 --> 00:26:03,517
Who you talking to?
549
00:26:03,519 --> 00:26:04,885
Uh, nobody.
550
00:26:04,887 --> 00:26:06,118
There's nobody else here.
551
00:26:13,094 --> 00:26:14,930
Oh, my god.
552
00:26:16,398 --> 00:26:20,166
Run, run, ISIS has come!
553
00:26:20,168 --> 00:26:22,935
I am... I am neutral!
554
00:26:22,937 --> 00:26:25,606
Put me down! Put me down!
555
00:26:47,196 --> 00:26:49,562
You know what this bitch
was doing when I grabbed her?
556
00:26:49,564 --> 00:26:52,299
Staring at a little girl
in a leotard.
557
00:26:52,301 --> 00:26:54,001
I'm looking at my daughter.
558
00:26:54,003 --> 00:26:56,002
The law won't protect
our community
559
00:26:56,004 --> 00:26:57,439
from deviants like you.
560
00:26:57,973 --> 00:26:59,075
We will!
561
00:27:00,975 --> 00:27:03,079
So if we see you
anywhere near...
562
00:27:03,646 --> 00:27:06,245
112 Blue Jay...
563
00:27:06,247 --> 00:27:08,014
Oh, my god!
564
00:27:14,255 --> 00:27:15,992
We just escaped death.
565
00:27:17,192 --> 00:27:18,392
They thought you were Carl,
566
00:27:18,394 --> 00:27:20,694
because Carl gave out
Nigel's address.
567
00:27:20,696 --> 00:27:22,095
They thought I was Carl
568
00:27:22,097 --> 00:27:24,063
because he gave out
Nigel's address.
569
00:27:24,065 --> 00:27:26,366
That's what I just said,
why are you screaming?
570
00:27:26,368 --> 00:27:27,667
The gunshots!
571
00:27:27,669 --> 00:27:29,339
My ears are, you know.
572
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:32,539
You know how you know
when your life
573
00:27:32,541 --> 00:27:34,473
is out of control?
574
00:27:34,475 --> 00:27:36,542
When there's a ringing
in your ears
575
00:27:36,544 --> 00:27:39,078
and you don't know
if it's a creditor calling
576
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,181
or a kidnapper
has fired a shotgun
577
00:27:41,183 --> 00:27:43,253
six inches from your head.
578
00:27:48,256 --> 00:27:50,723
Is that Spanx over tights?
579
00:27:50,725 --> 00:27:52,725
Yes, I'm double spanking.
580
00:27:52,727 --> 00:27:55,031
Do you have to scream it
to the world?
581
00:27:56,031 --> 00:27:57,563
'Cause right about now,
582
00:27:57,565 --> 00:28:00,166
I'd like to have a pair
of really tight Spanx
583
00:28:00,168 --> 00:28:03,136
around my fucking neck!
584
00:28:03,138 --> 00:28:05,973
No, Janice
would never understand.
585
00:28:05,975 --> 00:28:07,139
But she's your sister.
586
00:28:07,141 --> 00:28:09,177
She will ask too many questions.
587
00:28:09,978 --> 00:28:11,511
Our car broke down.
588
00:28:11,513 --> 00:28:12,611
Right.
589
00:28:12,613 --> 00:28:14,213
And I'm barefoot
590
00:28:14,215 --> 00:28:16,383
because we have
the Flintstones car.
591
00:28:16,385 --> 00:28:18,488
and I peddled it like Wilma.
592
00:28:22,123 --> 00:28:23,490
What's your guess
on his net worth?
593
00:28:23,492 --> 00:28:25,424
I'd say at least
a hundred million.
594
00:28:25,426 --> 00:28:26,526
It's as high
as two hundred million.
595
00:28:26,528 --> 00:28:28,028
No, that's too high.
596
00:28:28,030 --> 00:28:30,030
At least a hundred million.
597
00:28:30,032 --> 00:28:31,498
He's definitely well fed.
598
00:28:31,500 --> 00:28:32,366
Please, let's go.
599
00:28:32,368 --> 00:28:35,434
She... she'll never buy
our bullshit.
600
00:28:35,436 --> 00:28:38,238
And you can't tell her,
or anybody else for that matter.
601
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,607
That's how this
falling from grace thing works.
602
00:28:41,609 --> 00:28:45,145
People find out, they look away,
they avert their eyes.
603
00:28:45,147 --> 00:28:47,047
Especially our friends.
604
00:28:47,049 --> 00:28:48,447
Are they really
our friends, then?
605
00:28:48,449 --> 00:28:49,348
Nancy, I'm too tired
606
00:28:49,350 --> 00:28:51,119
to have a deep conversation
right now.
607
00:28:53,488 --> 00:28:54,523
But, no.
608
00:28:55,357 --> 00:28:56,455
No, Frank.
609
00:28:56,457 --> 00:28:58,625
Why are you forcing me
to do this?
610
00:28:58,627 --> 00:29:01,194
I cannot take
this shit right now.
611
00:29:01,196 --> 00:29:02,796
I'm gonna get an anxiety attack.
612
00:29:02,798 --> 00:29:04,063
Not Betty.
613
00:29:04,065 --> 00:29:07,099
Okay, I understand you
didn't wanna stay at Janice's,
614
00:29:07,101 --> 00:29:08,702
but now you don't wanna stay
at this sister's house?
615
00:29:08,704 --> 00:29:10,302
Look, we have nowhere to go.
616
00:29:10,304 --> 00:29:12,539
Carl's in our house,
we can't go back to Nigel's
617
00:29:12,541 --> 00:29:14,407
'cause those psychos said
they'd kill us,
618
00:29:14,409 --> 00:29:16,643
we don't have any credit cards,
you're barefoot,
619
00:29:16,645 --> 00:29:17,711
and I feel like hell.
620
00:29:17,713 --> 00:29:19,078
Of course, you do.
621
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:20,680
'Cause we're almost there.
622
00:29:20,682 --> 00:29:22,148
That is hell.
623
00:29:22,150 --> 00:29:23,617
It's like we're in Kansas,
624
00:29:23,619 --> 00:29:26,386
and we're about to get sucked
into a tornado
625
00:29:26,388 --> 00:29:28,621
and drop into an inferno
626
00:29:28,623 --> 00:29:32,192
where Oompa Loompa's
on speed are the gatekeepers.
627
00:29:32,194 --> 00:29:33,626
Baby,
I'm gonna need some time
628
00:29:33,628 --> 00:29:35,529
to sort through
all those analogies.
629
00:29:35,531 --> 00:29:37,664
Besides, it's not that bad.
630
00:29:37,666 --> 00:29:39,532
Just smile a lot.
631
00:29:39,534 --> 00:29:42,234
See? Smile. Like this.
632
00:29:42,236 --> 00:29:44,171
Let's see how long that lasts.
633
00:29:49,544 --> 00:29:51,778
- Hi, Tristan.
- Hi, Tristan.
634
00:29:51,780 --> 00:29:53,113
Why is she barefoot?
635
00:29:53,115 --> 00:29:54,580
- Uh, Tai Chi.
- Uh...
636
00:29:54,582 --> 00:29:56,116
It's... it's very relaxing.
637
00:29:56,118 --> 00:29:57,651
Uh, can we come in?
638
00:29:57,653 --> 00:30:00,220
I guess you could come in.
639
00:30:00,222 --> 00:30:03,255
Dad, Uncle Frank
and Aunt Nancy are here.
640
00:30:03,257 --> 00:30:05,157
That's a really cool
walkie-talkie.
641
00:30:05,159 --> 00:30:06,393
Yeah, well, not to me.
642
00:30:06,395 --> 00:30:09,195
My fucking dad won't spring
for the Ace 10s,
643
00:30:09,197 --> 00:30:10,797
which are way more badass.
644
00:30:10,799 --> 00:30:12,799
- Hm.
- Navy SEALs use Ace 10s.
645
00:30:12,801 --> 00:30:14,800
They also use cool martial arts
like Krav Maga
646
00:30:14,802 --> 00:30:15,868
and cool shit like that.
647
00:30:15,870 --> 00:30:19,106
Tai Chi's for homos,
but you probably knew that.
648
00:30:19,108 --> 00:30:20,773
Smile, Frank.
649
00:30:20,775 --> 00:30:22,675
Oh, hi, Trey.
650
00:30:22,677 --> 00:30:23,777
I wish.
651
00:30:23,779 --> 00:30:27,446
My walkie-talkie is dead
as a used dick.
652
00:30:27,448 --> 00:30:28,848
You have
any nine-volt batteries?
653
00:30:28,850 --> 00:30:30,216
- Me?
- Can I search you?
654
00:30:30,218 --> 00:30:31,318
- What?
- Nothing.
655
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,120
Dad, for god sakes,
what is this, a Beckett play?
656
00:30:34,122 --> 00:30:35,754
When did this turn
into
Waiting for Godot?
657
00:30:35,756 --> 00:30:38,390
That is quite a reference
for a young lad.
658
00:30:38,392 --> 00:30:40,359
Yeah, I'm Vladimir
and he's Estregon.
659
00:30:40,361 --> 00:30:42,364
- It... it's Estragon.
- Bullshit.
660
00:30:43,197 --> 00:30:44,463
Dad, chop-chop,
661
00:30:44,465 --> 00:30:46,566
the small talk's getting
a little thin out here.
662
00:30:46,568 --> 00:30:47,901
All right,
I'm coming, I'm coming,
663
00:30:47,903 --> 00:30:49,435
don't get your panties in a wad.
664
00:30:49,437 --> 00:30:51,570
All hail, Lord Douchington.
665
00:30:51,572 --> 00:30:52,672
Hi, Bob.
666
00:30:52,674 --> 00:30:53,839
Hey, you made it.
667
00:30:53,841 --> 00:30:55,242
How's the trip?
668
00:30:55,244 --> 00:30:57,376
- Found everything okay?
- Douche.
669
00:30:57,378 --> 00:30:59,378
Hey, that's TV for a week, pal.
670
00:30:59,380 --> 00:31:01,117
- Señor Douche.
- Yeah...
671
00:31:03,252 --> 00:31:04,350
God.
672
00:31:04,352 --> 00:31:05,618
Delightful.
673
00:31:05,620 --> 00:31:07,587
Hey, so, Nance,
how come you're barefoot?
674
00:31:07,589 --> 00:31:08,888
You ain't going hippie on me,
are you?
675
00:31:08,890 --> 00:31:10,322
Yeah.
676
00:31:10,324 --> 00:31:11,924
Um, I'm like...
677
00:31:11,926 --> 00:31:14,261
Wilma Flintstone.
678
00:31:14,263 --> 00:31:15,529
Fred was the one who drove.
679
00:31:15,531 --> 00:31:17,563
Wilma just rode shotgun.
680
00:31:17,565 --> 00:31:18,865
She drove sometimes.
681
00:31:18,867 --> 00:31:21,635
So, uh, they're termite tending
your house? What?
682
00:31:21,637 --> 00:31:23,336
Well, yeah, we tried to sleep
in the den,
683
00:31:23,338 --> 00:31:24,370
but there were all these fumes,
684
00:31:24,372 --> 00:31:26,639
and then it was like
we were back in the '60s.
685
00:31:27,842 --> 00:31:28,908
Well, I wouldn't know.
686
00:31:28,910 --> 00:31:30,476
I'm way younger than you are.
687
00:31:30,478 --> 00:31:32,215
Hey, but I do know
the tending game.
688
00:31:32,813 --> 00:31:34,047
We got spiders.
689
00:31:34,049 --> 00:31:36,715
When those spider eggs pop,
those little spiders come out,
690
00:31:36,717 --> 00:31:38,818
they start biting everything
like crazy.
691
00:31:38,820 --> 00:31:40,453
Smile, Frank.
692
00:31:40,455 --> 00:31:42,422
Oh, yeah.
693
00:31:42,424 --> 00:31:43,956
Do I sound defensive?
694
00:31:43,958 --> 00:31:45,658
- No.
- Is Betty coming down?
695
00:31:45,660 --> 00:31:47,359
I was telling Frank
on the phone,
696
00:31:47,361 --> 00:31:48,962
she's laid up with diarrhea.
697
00:31:48,964 --> 00:31:51,830
She accidentally made a sandwich
out of cat food.
698
00:31:51,832 --> 00:31:53,899
Well, don't worry about us.
We had dinner already.
699
00:31:53,901 --> 00:31:54,967
I think I'm gonna go see
700
00:31:54,969 --> 00:31:56,770
- how she's...
- Hey, hey, hey. You...
701
00:31:56,772 --> 00:31:58,605
You don't wanna go up there
right now.
702
00:31:58,607 --> 00:32:01,340
She's on the throne,
blowing brown,
703
00:32:01,342 --> 00:32:02,442
if you catch my drift.
704
00:32:02,444 --> 00:32:03,510
I caught it, yeah.
705
00:32:03,512 --> 00:32:04,578
Hey, but like I said,
706
00:32:04,580 --> 00:32:06,512
you two are welcome to bunk
in the twins' room.
707
00:32:06,514 --> 00:32:09,648
Our room?
Why not your room?
708
00:32:09,650 --> 00:32:11,518
Because you two can sleep
on the couch tonight.
709
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:12,552
Over.
710
00:32:12,554 --> 00:32:15,688
Ever hear
of a Motel 6? Over.
711
00:32:15,690 --> 00:32:17,192
Ah. Hilarious.
712
00:32:18,224 --> 00:32:18,857
I'm just gonna show you
to the room,
713
00:32:18,859 --> 00:32:20,760
hopefully, we won't get lost.
714
00:32:20,762 --> 00:32:22,398
Let's do this every month.
715
00:32:28,803 --> 00:32:30,403
Sorry, fellas.
716
00:32:30,405 --> 00:32:31,805
Sorry enough to go away?
717
00:32:31,807 --> 00:32:33,740
- Wow.
- The bed is small.
718
00:32:33,742 --> 00:32:35,375
If you're gonna do
any stuff in it,
719
00:32:35,377 --> 00:32:37,480
just wash the sheets after.
720
00:32:38,746 --> 00:32:39,812
Will do.
721
00:32:39,814 --> 00:32:42,581
It's gross.
722
00:32:42,583 --> 00:32:44,684
Are we talking about
the same thing?
723
00:32:44,686 --> 00:32:46,418
- I'm serious.
- I'm sure you are.
724
00:32:46,420 --> 00:32:47,921
- Do we have a problem?
- I don't think so.
725
00:32:47,923 --> 00:32:49,755
Are we done now?
726
00:32:49,757 --> 00:32:51,790
Yeah, I think we're done.
727
00:32:51,792 --> 00:32:54,828
Did you know that you can hack
into baby monitors?
728
00:32:54,830 --> 00:32:56,596
We're teaching
our neighbor's baby
729
00:32:56,598 --> 00:32:57,931
how to say the N-word.
730
00:32:59,167 --> 00:33:00,834
Uh, Nancy, would you join me
outside for a cigarette please?
731
00:33:00,836 --> 00:33:01,969
Please. Yeah.
732
00:33:01,971 --> 00:33:04,471
You understand now
what I was talking about?
733
00:33:04,473 --> 00:33:06,572
Except Oompa Loompas
are not on speed,
734
00:33:06,574 --> 00:33:09,041
they are on angel dust.
735
00:33:09,043 --> 00:33:10,976
How did we get so lucky
with Rachel?
736
00:33:10,978 --> 00:33:12,979
Well, we communicated
with her directly,
737
00:33:12,981 --> 00:33:14,713
not through some CB Radio.
738
00:33:14,715 --> 00:33:16,619
Let's start there
and reverse engineer it.
739
00:33:19,053 --> 00:33:20,787
I was thinking,
740
00:33:20,789 --> 00:33:22,021
we rented Nigel's house to Carl
741
00:33:22,023 --> 00:33:23,656
but we had to move him over
to our house,
742
00:33:23,658 --> 00:33:26,292
which means that Nigel's house
is still empty.
743
00:33:26,294 --> 00:33:27,793
I say we rent
Nigel's house again...
744
00:33:27,795 --> 00:33:28,662
- Frank!
- ...only this time
745
00:33:28,664 --> 00:33:30,696
to somebody who isn't
a sex offender.
746
00:33:30,698 --> 00:33:34,000
Or, why don't we just
handcuff ourselves
747
00:33:34,002 --> 00:33:37,337
and walk straight
into the police station, Frank?
748
00:33:37,339 --> 00:33:39,071
This place is filled
with spider webs.
749
00:33:39,073 --> 00:33:40,706
Well, as you can see,
they don't clean.
750
00:33:40,708 --> 00:33:43,409
The original Craigslist ad
is still on my phone.
751
00:33:43,411 --> 00:33:45,044
I say we post it again.
752
00:33:45,046 --> 00:33:47,646
Are you not listening
to me, Frank?
753
00:33:47,648 --> 00:33:50,916
Absolutely no fucking way.
754
00:33:50,918 --> 00:33:52,685
This is where we draw the line.
755
00:33:52,687 --> 00:33:54,687
Baby, I don't know what's
on the other side of that line,
756
00:33:54,689 --> 00:33:56,423
but I do know what's
on this side of that line,
757
00:33:56,425 --> 00:33:57,890
and it is bleak.
758
00:33:57,892 --> 00:33:59,392
Okay, here's the original
Craigslist ad.
759
00:33:59,394 --> 00:34:00,559
- Don't you dare.
- We delete some
760
00:34:00,561 --> 00:34:02,695
of the bad words, I think
you were drunk at the time.
761
00:34:02,697 --> 00:34:04,697
I was drunk at the time?
762
00:34:04,699 --> 00:34:07,733
And it is done.
763
00:34:07,735 --> 00:34:09,335
You just posted it again?
764
00:34:09,337 --> 00:34:11,871
Frank, you just smoked a spider!
765
00:34:15,777 --> 00:34:16,909
Give me the Heimlich!
766
00:34:22,784 --> 00:34:23,949
What the hell
is going on?
767
00:34:23,951 --> 00:34:25,617
You woke up my baby!
768
00:34:25,619 --> 00:34:27,887
Frank, I get it,
you smoked a spider.
769
00:34:27,889 --> 00:34:29,889
But can you keep it down?
770
00:34:30,958 --> 00:34:32,294
Hit me in the back.
771
00:34:33,561 --> 00:34:34,964
Not with the...
772
00:34:36,931 --> 00:34:40,532
Natalie, tell your kids
to stay off my baby monitor.
773
00:34:40,534 --> 00:34:42,701
It's your fault
for having a baby monitor.
774
00:34:42,703 --> 00:34:44,036
It's an attractive nuisance.
775
00:34:44,038 --> 00:34:45,505
Oh! There it is.
776
00:34:48,810 --> 00:34:51,076
Oh, Frank, are you okay?
777
00:34:51,078 --> 00:34:52,645
Do you want another cigarette?
778
00:34:54,148 --> 00:34:55,884
Are you all right baby?
779
00:35:20,442 --> 00:35:21,907
Dad, come quick.
780
00:35:21,909 --> 00:35:23,946
Why is Uncle Frank
doing this to me?
781
00:35:26,647 --> 00:35:28,648
What the hell? Oh, my god!
782
00:35:28,650 --> 00:35:30,386
- Yes?
- Frank!
783
00:35:31,018 --> 00:35:33,018
My god!
784
00:35:33,020 --> 00:35:35,054
What is going on?
785
00:35:35,056 --> 00:35:37,623
Nancy, are... are you naked?
786
00:35:37,625 --> 00:35:39,893
No, I'm not naked. It's a shirt.
787
00:35:39,895 --> 00:35:41,795
Tristan, what are those?
788
00:35:41,797 --> 00:35:44,831
It's Aunt Nancy's Spanx,
Uncle Frank made me wear them.
789
00:35:44,833 --> 00:35:45,898
Now stop this.
790
00:35:45,900 --> 00:35:47,000
- Frank, how could you?
- What?
791
00:35:47,002 --> 00:35:48,134
He's just a boy.
792
00:35:48,136 --> 00:35:49,636
I'm so scared right now.
793
00:35:49,638 --> 00:35:51,036
Oh, shit.
794
00:35:51,038 --> 00:35:52,605
Jesus Christ.
795
00:35:52,607 --> 00:35:53,873
Betty.
796
00:35:53,875 --> 00:35:56,041
She just stuck
her tongue out at me.
797
00:35:56,043 --> 00:35:59,114
Frank, downstairs, now.
798
00:36:03,884 --> 00:36:05,087
Who are you?
799
00:36:10,125 --> 00:36:11,224
You know what, Frank?
800
00:36:11,226 --> 00:36:14,793
It's not pleasant to be mistaken
for a sex offender,
801
00:36:14,795 --> 00:36:19,199
and molesting your nephew
in less than 24 hours.
802
00:36:19,201 --> 00:36:21,099
But right now,
803
00:36:21,101 --> 00:36:22,902
I feel sorry for my sister.
804
00:36:22,904 --> 00:36:25,804
I am actually
really worried for her.
805
00:36:25,806 --> 00:36:27,507
As you should be.
806
00:36:27,509 --> 00:36:30,009
Pretty soon,
some court-appointed therapist
807
00:36:30,011 --> 00:36:31,746
is gonna be white knuckling
with those two kids.
808
00:36:33,147 --> 00:36:34,681
I see that your sister
calmed down enough
809
00:36:34,683 --> 00:36:35,815
to lend you her wig, huh?
810
00:36:35,817 --> 00:36:39,117
Oh, yeah, I don't know
whose wig it is in that house.
811
00:36:39,119 --> 00:36:41,022
Well, it helps us hide
from the kidnappers.
812
00:36:42,623 --> 00:36:44,157
Hey, are you Wayne,
the guy that answered the ad?
813
00:36:44,159 --> 00:36:45,224
Yeah, yeah.
814
00:36:45,226 --> 00:36:46,726
- I'm Frank.
- Yeah. What are you two,
815
00:36:46,728 --> 00:36:47,893
in the witness
protection program?
816
00:36:47,895 --> 00:36:49,862
Uh, no, we were just sunning
ourselves in the backyard.
817
00:36:49,864 --> 00:36:51,130
- Is that your truck, Wayne?
- Yeah.
818
00:36:51,132 --> 00:36:52,165
Oh, that's fantastic.
Step inside
819
00:36:52,167 --> 00:36:54,002
and we'll just take a look
at the house, okay?
820
00:36:58,072 --> 00:37:00,273
The ad said, uh,
the house comes furnished.
821
00:37:00,275 --> 00:37:03,041
Uh, yup. It only needs
a mattress. Long story.
822
00:37:03,043 --> 00:37:04,576
The previous tenant took it.
823
00:37:04,578 --> 00:37:05,645
Short story.
824
00:37:05,647 --> 00:37:08,681
Okay, then. I wrote you a check.
825
00:37:08,683 --> 00:37:10,817
You, uh, that's it? You don't
wanna have a look around?
826
00:37:10,819 --> 00:37:13,085
Listen, not to be an asshole.
You wanna rent the place or not?
827
00:37:13,087 --> 00:37:15,054
I mean, I got shit tons
of stuff to do.
828
00:37:15,056 --> 00:37:17,757
Yes, uh, no, uh, sure.
829
00:37:17,759 --> 00:37:19,291
It's just that normally
there's a process.
830
00:37:19,293 --> 00:37:21,293
We learned the hard way
to ask questions.
831
00:37:22,563 --> 00:37:24,697
Did you hear that?
832
00:37:24,699 --> 00:37:26,101
What's that?
833
00:37:27,302 --> 00:37:28,567
Good lord.
834
00:37:28,569 --> 00:37:29,469
Oh, there's something
on my face.
835
00:37:29,471 --> 00:37:31,971
No, don't touch your face!
Don't panic.
836
00:37:31,973 --> 00:37:33,706
You're covered in spiders.
837
00:37:33,708 --> 00:37:35,041
Jesus, baby don't move!
838
00:37:37,244 --> 00:37:39,244
Ah! They're crawling in my body!
839
00:37:39,246 --> 00:37:40,179
Hey, come here.
Come here.
840
00:37:40,181 --> 00:37:42,949
Frank, you saw them!
Get them, get them!
841
00:37:42,951 --> 00:37:45,117
They're biting me,
they're biting me!
842
00:37:46,788 --> 00:37:49,322
They're biting me!
Ah! Get the Spanx!
843
00:37:49,324 --> 00:37:51,590
Get the Spanx! Get 'em!
844
00:37:55,130 --> 00:37:57,130
Take them out!
845
00:38:00,335 --> 00:38:01,967
Let's go to the hospital!
846
00:38:01,969 --> 00:38:03,869
Take me to the hospital!
847
00:38:06,107 --> 00:38:07,576
Get my Spanx!
848
00:38:10,344 --> 00:38:11,844
Oh, my god.
849
00:38:11,846 --> 00:38:13,179
Oh, my god, I'm burning!
850
00:38:16,018 --> 00:38:17,884
Oh, Frank,
what have I done?
851
00:38:17,886 --> 00:38:19,018
Tell my Rachel I love her.
852
00:38:19,020 --> 00:38:20,853
You're not gonna die,
you're not gonna die.
853
00:38:20,855 --> 00:38:22,654
You hear me? Woah! Woah!
854
00:38:22,656 --> 00:38:24,724
Stop scratching yourself,
don't antagonize it,
855
00:38:24,726 --> 00:38:25,824
for god sake's.
856
00:38:25,826 --> 00:38:27,159
Nancy, you're gonna be fine,
857
00:38:27,161 --> 00:38:28,795
the doctors will give you
an ointment.
858
00:38:28,797 --> 00:38:30,096
Look, I'm steering the wheel.
Hold on, hold on.
859
00:38:30,098 --> 00:38:31,598
God I hate spiders,
860
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:32,799
don't you?
Wait, there's another one.
861
00:38:32,801 --> 00:38:34,333
Whoa!
862
00:39:13,674 --> 00:39:14,741
Oh!
863
00:39:16,243 --> 00:39:18,710
Tyler, how are you?
864
00:39:18,712 --> 00:39:20,279
Uh, Frank, how are you?
865
00:39:20,281 --> 00:39:21,913
I'm on the right side
of the grass my man,
866
00:39:21,915 --> 00:39:23,983
what's the haps?
867
00:39:23,985 --> 00:39:26,686
No offense Frank,
but how did you get in here?
868
00:39:26,688 --> 00:39:29,221
This is a restricted
access garage.
869
00:39:29,223 --> 00:39:31,657
Well, I still have
my Jensen parking pass,
870
00:39:31,659 --> 00:39:34,862
and I have an interview today
up on 16 with, uh, Gretina.
871
00:39:36,331 --> 00:39:38,167
Gretina's not
on 16 anymore, Frank.
872
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:40,233
What floor are they on?
873
00:39:40,235 --> 00:39:41,704
They moved to Seattle.
874
00:39:43,404 --> 00:39:44,971
Well, don't remind me,
875
00:39:44,973 --> 00:39:46,105
'cause I'm dying
for a Starbucks,
876
00:39:46,107 --> 00:39:48,007
but the meeting is on Skype.
877
00:39:48,009 --> 00:39:50,212
I'm gonna Skype to uh, Seattle.
878
00:39:53,748 --> 00:39:54,947
Oh, don't, don't.
879
00:39:54,949 --> 00:39:56,916
Don't Tyler,
don't give me that look.
880
00:39:56,918 --> 00:39:58,287
I know that look. Please.
881
00:40:00,355 --> 00:40:02,422
Everything's fine.
Everything with us is okay.
882
00:40:02,424 --> 00:40:03,357
Oh, honey,
883
00:40:03,359 --> 00:40:05,724
you remember Tyler Rector
from Jensen Med?
884
00:40:05,726 --> 00:40:06,793
Baby, can you hear me?
885
00:40:15,869 --> 00:40:16,871
How can I help?
886
00:40:18,873 --> 00:40:20,405
So that's
the long and short.
887
00:40:20,407 --> 00:40:23,809
But the, uh, silver lining
is that at least for now,
888
00:40:23,811 --> 00:40:25,712
uh, we don't have to worry
about Rachel's college.
889
00:40:25,714 --> 00:40:26,882
But, we're homeless.
890
00:40:28,482 --> 00:40:32,317
Wow, that's, uh,
that's quite a story.
891
00:40:32,319 --> 00:40:34,954
So all this started
with one mistake?
892
00:40:34,956 --> 00:40:37,889
With a bunch
of smaller ones shooting off it.
893
00:40:37,891 --> 00:40:41,828
Kind of like when
a spider egg pops,
894
00:40:41,830 --> 00:40:44,297
and all these little spiders
895
00:40:44,299 --> 00:40:46,933
come and bite you in the ass.
896
00:40:46,935 --> 00:40:48,270
Are you gonna eat that?
897
00:40:48,936 --> 00:40:50,406
Mm. No, please.
898
00:40:51,072 --> 00:40:52,074
Thank you.
899
00:40:53,340 --> 00:40:55,174
Listen, guys.
900
00:40:55,176 --> 00:40:57,375
I know someone.
His name's Randall.
901
00:40:57,377 --> 00:41:00,378
Let me give him a call, Frank.
He might have something for you.
902
00:41:00,380 --> 00:41:01,514
It'd be a start.
903
00:41:01,516 --> 00:41:03,014
Tyler,
that would be great.
904
00:41:03,016 --> 00:41:06,085
And we also still have
Wayne's check.
905
00:41:06,087 --> 00:41:08,420
We can always, uh, cash that.
906
00:41:08,422 --> 00:41:11,924
Frank, if you cash that check,
then it's no longer one mistake.
907
00:41:11,926 --> 00:41:13,025
It becomes a pattern.
908
00:41:13,027 --> 00:41:14,326
Exactly.
909
00:41:14,328 --> 00:41:16,395
That's what I've been trying
to tell him.
910
00:41:16,397 --> 00:41:19,364
But, Tyler,
desperation is a bitch.
911
00:41:19,366 --> 00:41:21,199
Thank you so much
912
00:41:21,201 --> 00:41:24,237
for everything
that you've done to help us.
913
00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:27,340
So, you guys have your work
cut out for you.
914
00:41:27,342 --> 00:41:30,946
Just remember, grass can grow
through concrete.
915
00:41:32,212 --> 00:41:35,447
Did he say your ass
can grow through...
916
00:41:35,449 --> 00:41:37,315
No, no, no.
No, no, look, the phrase is,
917
00:41:37,317 --> 00:41:40,920
"Grass can grow
through concrete."
918
00:41:40,922 --> 00:41:43,355
Can I give you that, please?
Do you mind if I?
919
00:41:43,357 --> 00:41:44,426
Thank you.
920
00:41:49,563 --> 00:41:52,000
Nancy,
you're gonna be all right.
921
00:41:56,404 --> 00:41:58,471
Don't panic, Nancy.
922
00:41:58,473 --> 00:42:00,873
You're gonna take a hot bath.
923
00:42:00,875 --> 00:42:02,474
You're gonna get fresh clothes,
924
00:42:02,476 --> 00:42:04,811
you're gonna do your hair
and makeup.
925
00:42:04,813 --> 00:42:06,478
You're three minutes
from being yourself.
926
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,415
What the fuck?
927
00:42:09,417 --> 00:42:11,384
Uh, thank you
for taking this lunch,
928
00:42:11,386 --> 00:42:13,286
- I know you're busy.
- No, of course.
929
00:42:13,288 --> 00:42:14,253
Tyler called me,
930
00:42:14,255 --> 00:42:15,355
told me a little bit
about your background.
931
00:42:15,357 --> 00:42:17,523
Well, I hope he exaggerated
in all the right places.
932
00:42:20,060 --> 00:42:22,128
That's my wife, I'm sorry.
933
00:42:22,130 --> 00:42:24,496
- Hi, honey.
- Damn it, Frank. We're cursed.
934
00:42:24,498 --> 00:42:28,034
I am at Nigel's house,
and everything is gone.
935
00:42:28,036 --> 00:42:32,204
They took my purse,
my phone, Nigel's furniture.
936
00:42:32,206 --> 00:42:36,275
That guy Wayne was all wrong,
and we knew it.
937
00:42:36,277 --> 00:42:39,311
Oh, fuck it,
they stole everything!
938
00:42:39,313 --> 00:42:42,315
I see, uh... That's, uh, yes.
939
00:42:42,317 --> 00:42:44,016
That's great.
940
00:42:44,018 --> 00:42:46,384
Thanks for calling,
and we'll celebrate later, okay?
941
00:42:46,386 --> 00:42:47,887
- I'll see you. Bye.
-
No, don't hang up.
942
00:42:47,889 --> 00:42:49,322
Don't hang up!
943
00:42:49,324 --> 00:42:51,456
- You okay?
- Uh, yeah, it's all good.
944
00:42:51,458 --> 00:42:54,427
My wife just got an article
published in, um...
945
00:42:54,429 --> 00:42:55,831
Omni magazine.
946
00:42:56,464 --> 00:42:57,697
Great.
947
00:42:57,699 --> 00:43:00,269
Omni must be feeling good too.
Be back up and running.
948
00:43:01,002 --> 00:43:02,067
I'm sorry?
949
00:43:02,069 --> 00:43:04,172
They folded
about two decades ago.
950
00:43:05,272 --> 00:43:07,105
Wow.
951
00:43:07,107 --> 00:43:10,375
Man plans and God laughs, right?
I mean...
952
00:43:10,377 --> 00:43:12,578
Everybody's got a plan
until you get...
953
00:43:12,580 --> 00:43:14,313
punched in the face.
954
00:43:14,315 --> 00:43:17,183
Jesus. Sorry, uh, Frank.
955
00:43:17,185 --> 00:43:18,384
Uh, I'm sorry. I...
956
00:43:18,386 --> 00:43:20,987
No, no. I'm Frank, you're...
957
00:43:20,989 --> 00:43:22,054
- Randall.
- Randall.
958
00:43:22,056 --> 00:43:23,956
Right. Uh, I'm sorry.
959
00:43:23,958 --> 00:43:25,226
Uh, can we start over again?
960
00:43:25,592 --> 00:43:26,594
Sure.
961
00:43:28,663 --> 00:43:30,395
Hi, I'm Frank.
962
00:43:51,552 --> 00:43:53,219
For god's sake!
963
00:43:53,221 --> 00:43:56,123
Carl, I just need to get
a few things.
964
00:44:26,321 --> 00:44:28,123
Oh, my god.
965
00:44:30,525 --> 00:44:32,625
You come in my house,
you come in my house.
966
00:44:32,627 --> 00:44:34,460
You like that?
You like that, bitch?
967
00:44:37,699 --> 00:44:40,498
Is that Nancy? Ah!
968
00:44:40,500 --> 00:44:44,103
I'm sorry, my gosh,
did you change your hair?
969
00:44:48,042 --> 00:44:49,608
I'm so sorry
about the pepper spray,
970
00:44:49,610 --> 00:44:51,444
I thought you were an intruder.
971
00:44:51,446 --> 00:44:53,112
Not that you look like
an intruder.
972
00:44:53,114 --> 00:44:54,246
I'm against profiling,
973
00:44:54,248 --> 00:44:57,315
not that I necessarily
would want sushi from a redhead,
974
00:44:57,317 --> 00:45:01,420
I prefer an Asian child,
if you know what I mean.
975
00:45:01,422 --> 00:45:03,355
Why didn't my key work?
976
00:45:03,357 --> 00:45:05,590
I had the locks changed.
977
00:45:05,592 --> 00:45:06,659
You what?
978
00:45:06,661 --> 00:45:08,561
You can't change our locks.
979
00:45:08,563 --> 00:45:11,429
- Carl?
- Oh, uh, um...
980
00:45:11,431 --> 00:45:13,199
This is not your house, Carl.
981
00:45:13,201 --> 00:45:14,699
Um, I... Look...
982
00:45:14,701 --> 00:45:16,402
What are you wearing?
983
00:45:16,404 --> 00:45:18,036
What, this?
984
00:45:18,038 --> 00:45:20,641
You know what, I, uh,
I got you guys a key.
985
00:45:21,308 --> 00:45:22,474
Um.
986
00:45:22,476 --> 00:45:24,677
Uh, there you go.
987
00:45:24,679 --> 00:45:25,677
What the...
988
00:45:25,679 --> 00:45:28,313
The wood's
so you don't misplace it.
989
00:45:28,315 --> 00:45:30,081
Carl.
990
00:45:30,083 --> 00:45:32,150
This is not a gas station.
991
00:45:32,152 --> 00:45:34,085
What is wrong with you?
992
00:45:34,087 --> 00:45:36,188
You know, whatever.
993
00:45:36,190 --> 00:45:38,659
I just need to get some stuff
from my closet.
994
00:45:40,261 --> 00:45:41,362
Your closet?
995
00:45:43,531 --> 00:45:45,398
What... what is this?
996
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:47,299
I mean, what is this?
997
00:45:47,301 --> 00:45:48,400
Where's my stuff?
998
00:45:48,402 --> 00:45:50,268
What have you done
with my closet?
999
00:45:50,270 --> 00:45:52,070
I made it into a panic room.
1000
00:45:52,072 --> 00:45:54,040
You can't do that, Carl.
1001
00:45:54,042 --> 00:45:55,775
Remember, this is not
your house.
1002
00:45:55,777 --> 00:45:57,675
Did you ever see
the Jody Foster movie?
1003
00:45:57,677 --> 00:45:59,612
And please put a shirt on.
1004
00:45:59,614 --> 00:46:03,248
I've been really nervous lately.
1005
00:46:03,250 --> 00:46:05,483
Uh, people have been ringing
the doorbell all day
1006
00:46:05,485 --> 00:46:07,485
asking about
the yard sale and, uh,
1007
00:46:07,487 --> 00:46:10,155
and then I was really scared
when I saw the...
1008
00:46:10,157 --> 00:46:12,358
the video on the internet
of you and Frank
1009
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:14,393
being kidnapped with a shotgun.
1010
00:46:14,395 --> 00:46:15,728
There's a video on the internet?
1011
00:46:15,730 --> 00:46:17,195
Nancy,
you're the best part of it.
1012
00:46:17,197 --> 00:46:18,764
You came across really real.
1013
00:46:18,766 --> 00:46:22,134
I was real, you dumb fuck.
1014
00:46:24,138 --> 00:46:25,741
Uh, we're locked in.
1015
00:46:26,773 --> 00:46:28,541
Did you say,
1016
00:46:28,543 --> 00:46:31,543
"catalytic converters"?
1017
00:46:31,545 --> 00:46:33,846
Frank, I know it's not
a sexy business,
1018
00:46:33,848 --> 00:46:37,183
but catalytic converters
are like mini treasure chests.
1019
00:46:37,185 --> 00:46:38,284
We snip them off the cars,
1020
00:46:38,286 --> 00:46:41,186
smelt them down and sell off
the expensive metals.
1021
00:46:41,188 --> 00:46:43,855
Palladium, rhodium, platinum.
1022
00:46:43,857 --> 00:46:45,791
Most cases,
cat cons are worth more
1023
00:46:45,793 --> 00:46:47,226
than the junk cars themselves.
1024
00:46:48,763 --> 00:46:52,130
You mean I would crawl
underneath the car
1025
00:46:52,132 --> 00:46:54,099
and snip them?
1026
00:46:54,101 --> 00:46:55,237
That's... that's the job?
1027
00:46:57,205 --> 00:46:59,672
Listen, Frank.
I'm gonna be honest.
1028
00:46:59,674 --> 00:47:03,342
I could use the extra hand
but I don't need the extra hand.
1029
00:47:03,344 --> 00:47:05,311
Tyler told me
you needed a leg up,
1030
00:47:05,313 --> 00:47:06,378
this is what I got.
1031
00:47:06,380 --> 00:47:09,681
I'm really glad you're here.
1032
00:47:09,683 --> 00:47:10,815
Me gusta.
1033
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:15,654
Oh, jeez. That was...
1034
00:47:17,491 --> 00:47:18,425
That was...
1035
00:47:18,427 --> 00:47:21,494
If you ever try
anything like that again,
1036
00:47:21,496 --> 00:47:23,228
I am gonna kick your ass
1037
00:47:23,230 --> 00:47:26,467
up and down this panic room
like an air hockey puck!
1038
00:47:27,435 --> 00:47:28,666
Oh, okay.
1039
00:47:32,172 --> 00:47:34,340
Thank you,
Virgincita de Guadalupe
1040
00:47:34,342 --> 00:47:37,813
for making Carl
such a breathtaking moron.
1041
00:47:39,714 --> 00:47:42,417
You forgot about
the attic hatch,
1042
00:47:42,917 --> 00:47:45,217
Einstein.
1043
00:47:45,219 --> 00:47:47,556
Uh. Hey, I...
I'm sorry about the...
1044
00:47:48,422 --> 00:47:49,587
misunderstanding.
1045
00:47:49,589 --> 00:47:52,190
I guess I misread your signals.
1046
00:47:52,192 --> 00:47:53,458
What signals?
1047
00:47:53,460 --> 00:47:56,395
God, your legs are so strong.
1048
00:47:56,397 --> 00:47:58,329
I guess it's
from running track, huh?
1049
00:47:58,331 --> 00:47:59,632
I saw your medals.
1050
00:47:59,634 --> 00:48:01,300
How did you find my medals?
1051
00:48:01,302 --> 00:48:02,800
They were hidden in the garage.
1052
00:48:02,802 --> 00:48:04,402
Yeah, way back there.
1053
00:48:04,404 --> 00:48:06,237
And you should really
hide them better.
1054
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:07,873
But you were the fastest
on the team,
1055
00:48:07,875 --> 00:48:09,641
but what I don't understand is,
1056
00:48:09,643 --> 00:48:11,809
in the relay,
why did you run fourth?
1057
00:48:11,811 --> 00:48:13,945
Shouldn't the fastest runner
go first?
1058
00:48:13,947 --> 00:48:15,614
Maybe you weren't the fastest.
1059
00:48:15,616 --> 00:48:17,683
I was the fastest.
1060
00:48:17,685 --> 00:48:19,317
That's not the way it works.
1061
00:48:19,319 --> 00:48:21,587
When you're the fastest, you...
1062
00:48:21,589 --> 00:48:23,889
Oh, what am I doing,
why am I talking to you?
1063
00:48:23,891 --> 00:48:26,491
Please help me out.
1064
00:48:26,493 --> 00:48:28,494
Uh, the bottom line is,
I'm interested.
1065
00:48:28,496 --> 00:48:30,695
And, uh, I... I work hard,
1066
00:48:30,697 --> 00:48:33,734
and I take any job I do,
uh, very seriously.
1067
00:48:34,435 --> 00:48:36,235
Okay.
1068
00:48:36,237 --> 00:48:38,404
Here comes the cold water.
1069
00:48:38,406 --> 00:48:39,804
We can only offer you
1070
00:48:39,806 --> 00:48:41,607
about a third
of what you were making.
1071
00:48:41,609 --> 00:48:43,541
Tyler told me
your ballpark salary.
1072
00:48:43,543 --> 00:48:45,677
You did very, very well.
1073
00:48:45,679 --> 00:48:46,714
A third?
1074
00:48:47,681 --> 00:48:49,315
Listen, I wish it was different.
1075
00:48:49,317 --> 00:48:50,715
I used to make
high-end five figures
1076
00:48:50,717 --> 00:48:52,951
over at Brent Talbot,
then the fan hit the shit.
1077
00:48:52,953 --> 00:48:56,355
Now, I got a sales staff
of guys longing for the days
1078
00:48:56,357 --> 00:48:57,456
of Hugo Boss suits
1079
00:48:57,458 --> 00:48:59,991
and paychecks
with commas in them.
1080
00:48:59,993 --> 00:49:02,228
Frank, you think I like crawling
around in the dirt
1081
00:49:02,230 --> 00:49:03,561
snipping smoke sacks?
1082
00:49:03,563 --> 00:49:04,697
Shit.
1083
00:49:04,699 --> 00:49:07,465
Some days I look at one of those
cat cons and think...
1084
00:49:07,467 --> 00:49:09,634
I'll just wrap my lips
around it,
1085
00:49:09,636 --> 00:49:12,273
take a deep breath,
go meet some dead relatives.
1086
00:49:12,839 --> 00:49:14,005
How old are you?
1087
00:49:14,007 --> 00:49:16,275
Sixty-five?
1088
00:49:16,277 --> 00:49:17,610
Sixty-six?
1089
00:49:17,612 --> 00:49:18,811
Anyways.
1090
00:49:18,813 --> 00:49:22,348
Guys your age,
you gotta adapt or die.
1091
00:49:22,350 --> 00:49:24,483
That's the new America.
Trust me.
1092
00:49:24,485 --> 00:49:25,720
I miss the old one, brother.
1093
00:49:27,587 --> 00:49:29,420
Uh, will you excuse me?
1094
00:49:29,422 --> 00:49:31,357
I... I'm...
1095
00:49:31,359 --> 00:49:33,360
fairly positive
I need to use the bathroom.
1096
00:49:34,694 --> 00:49:36,395
Get your hands
off my ass.
1097
00:49:36,397 --> 00:49:37,529
You said push.
1098
00:49:37,531 --> 00:49:39,398
I said push, not fondle.
1099
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:40,532
Watch the thumb.
1100
00:49:40,534 --> 00:49:42,768
Do you do squats?
1101
00:49:42,770 --> 00:49:44,406
It feels like you do squats.
1102
00:49:46,773 --> 00:49:48,273
You made it.
1103
00:49:48,275 --> 00:49:49,708
Now, lift me up.
1104
00:49:49,710 --> 00:49:51,809
I get claustrophobic.
1105
00:49:51,811 --> 00:49:54,045
No, no.
1106
00:49:54,047 --> 00:49:56,315
First you have to tell me
what you did.
1107
00:49:56,317 --> 00:49:58,483
And no lies, no bullshit.
1108
00:49:58,485 --> 00:50:00,819
You have to tell me,
or I'll leave you there.
1109
00:50:00,821 --> 00:50:01,753
You'll rot.
1110
00:50:01,755 --> 00:50:04,523
And I'll just come
and sprinkle some lime
1111
00:50:04,525 --> 00:50:05,860
just to mask the smell.
1112
00:50:06,694 --> 00:50:07,696
I...
1113
00:50:08,362 --> 00:50:09,364
You...
1114
00:50:10,063 --> 00:50:11,699
you might not understand.
1115
00:50:12,799 --> 00:50:14,565
True.
1116
00:50:14,567 --> 00:50:15,903
It's a roll of the dice.
1117
00:50:22,476 --> 00:50:24,543
I was swimming in the ocean,
1118
00:50:24,545 --> 00:50:26,445
I was in the water
for a couple hours.
1119
00:50:26,447 --> 00:50:28,646
I...
1120
00:50:28,648 --> 00:50:32,617
I had to pee,
I took off my shorts,
1121
00:50:32,619 --> 00:50:35,020
then I felt something
brush against my leg.
1122
00:50:35,022 --> 00:50:38,424
I knew it was a shark.
I knew in that moment,
1123
00:50:38,426 --> 00:50:40,761
and I know it to this day
it was a shark, and...
1124
00:50:43,563 --> 00:50:45,697
I started swimming to shore,
1125
00:50:45,699 --> 00:50:47,733
trying not to panic.
1126
00:50:47,735 --> 00:50:50,034
I saw that there were some kids
1127
00:50:50,036 --> 00:50:51,936
swimming there and...
1128
00:50:51,938 --> 00:50:54,440
So I was carrying three of them,
1129
00:50:54,442 --> 00:50:58,110
trudging and tripping
and yelling for help.
1130
00:50:58,112 --> 00:50:59,378
The kids were screaming,
1131
00:50:59,380 --> 00:51:01,846
I thought they had seen
the shark.
1132
00:51:01,848 --> 00:51:03,584
They hadn't, they, um...
1133
00:51:05,118 --> 00:51:08,455
they were frightened of me,
a naked guy.
1134
00:51:09,757 --> 00:51:10,959
Yeah. My life...
1135
00:51:13,027 --> 00:51:15,063
...got pretty hard after that.
1136
00:51:17,732 --> 00:51:18,933
It's true, isn't it?
1137
00:51:21,502 --> 00:51:22,570
Yeah.
1138
00:51:23,971 --> 00:51:25,670
It is.
1139
00:51:25,672 --> 00:51:27,408
You say all these
1140
00:51:28,007 --> 00:51:31,509
crazy stupid things.
1141
00:51:31,511 --> 00:51:34,615
But when you suddenly say
something without bullshit,
1142
00:51:35,850 --> 00:51:38,416
now I know it's true and good.
1143
00:51:38,418 --> 00:51:40,953
But just in case,
I'm gonna leave you there
1144
00:51:40,955 --> 00:51:42,621
until after I take my shower.
1145
00:51:42,623 --> 00:51:45,023
Oh, you know what,
there's some, uh...
1146
00:51:45,025 --> 00:51:47,692
shampoo in my purse
on the kitchen counter.
1147
00:51:47,694 --> 00:51:50,462
Oh, I... I refilled
your birth control pills.
1148
00:51:50,464 --> 00:51:51,864
You were running low.
1149
00:51:51,866 --> 00:51:52,867
Ha!
1150
00:51:57,003 --> 00:51:59,438
No, no, no.
1151
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:00,508
No! No! No!
1152
00:52:24,665 --> 00:52:26,764
All you perverts
out there watching,
1153
00:52:26,766 --> 00:52:28,900
this might happen to you.
1154
00:52:30,804 --> 00:52:32,603
You might die!
1155
00:52:32,605 --> 00:52:33,572
What the?
1156
00:52:33,574 --> 00:52:35,940
Holy shit, it's him.
The guy from the video!
1157
00:52:35,942 --> 00:52:37,675
No, this is a mistake.
1158
00:52:37,677 --> 00:52:38,677
Die!
1159
00:52:38,679 --> 00:52:40,645
Dude, you're like the number one
trending pervert
1160
00:52:40,647 --> 00:52:41,813
on the internet right now.
1161
00:52:41,815 --> 00:52:44,650
My god, why is this happening?
1162
00:52:57,498 --> 00:52:58,733
Stop!
1163
00:52:59,732 --> 00:53:00,799
Stop the truck, Wayne.
1164
00:53:00,801 --> 00:53:02,099
Shit, you again?
1165
00:53:02,101 --> 00:53:03,067
You have my furniture.
1166
00:53:03,069 --> 00:53:05,704
Oh, it's not yours,
that house wasn't yours,
1167
00:53:05,706 --> 00:53:07,639
and the furniture
definitely wasn't yours.
1168
00:53:07,641 --> 00:53:09,141
Pull over, Wayne,
I need that furniture.
1169
00:53:09,143 --> 00:53:10,175
You know what you gonna need?
1170
00:53:10,177 --> 00:53:12,076
You're have a need
to go to a fucking hospital,
1171
00:53:12,078 --> 00:53:13,478
that's what you're gonna need.
1172
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:14,846
I'm gonna put you
in jail, Wayne.
1173
00:53:14,848 --> 00:53:17,248
Oh, you don't have the balls
to call the cops.
1174
00:53:17,250 --> 00:53:19,851
Fuckin', you suck
at this crime stuff.
1175
00:53:19,853 --> 00:53:20,985
You know what I'm gonna do,
1176
00:53:20,987 --> 00:53:22,855
- Wayne?
- Oh, you ain't gonna do shit.
1177
00:53:22,857 --> 00:53:24,956
I'm gonna throw a rock at you.
I pitched in college.
1178
00:53:24,958 --> 00:53:28,462
Oh, you probably caught
in college. Dickhead.
1179
00:53:30,531 --> 00:53:31,596
Oh, shit.
1180
00:53:31,598 --> 00:53:33,834
Argh! Son of a bitch.
1181
00:53:38,572 --> 00:53:39,871
- Shit!
- Holy shit,
1182
00:53:39,873 --> 00:53:40,973
- are you okay?
- What the fuck?
1183
00:53:40,975 --> 00:53:43,041
You hit a fucking pedestrian!
1184
00:53:45,813 --> 00:53:48,212
What the fuck?
1185
00:53:48,214 --> 00:53:49,516
Sorry, Wayne.
1186
00:53:51,217 --> 00:53:52,650
Hey!
1187
00:53:52,652 --> 00:53:53,819
Frank!
1188
00:53:53,821 --> 00:53:56,123
Get back here, you asshole!
1189
00:54:06,799 --> 00:54:10,034
What fresh hell is this?
1190
00:54:10,036 --> 00:54:12,103
Ay Dios mio!
No, no, no, I didn't...
1191
00:54:29,556 --> 00:54:31,658
Shit, shit. Now what?
1192
00:54:45,306 --> 00:54:46,837
- Frank!
- Shit!
1193
00:54:46,839 --> 00:54:48,172
Panic room, car gone.
1194
00:54:48,174 --> 00:54:49,574
Keep walking, cops.
1195
00:54:49,576 --> 00:54:50,842
I found Nigel's stuff,
don't look over.
1196
00:54:50,844 --> 00:54:52,277
It's in the back of the truck.
Don't look over.
1197
00:54:52,279 --> 00:54:53,681
Excuse me.
1198
00:54:54,647 --> 00:54:55,746
Hi.
1199
00:54:55,748 --> 00:54:57,185
Are you
Mr. Bathgate's neighbors?
1200
00:54:58,018 --> 00:54:59,116
Yes, officer.
1201
00:54:59,118 --> 00:55:01,686
Yeah, we got a report
of a burglary at his house,
1202
00:55:01,688 --> 00:55:03,121
uh, suspicious activity.
1203
00:55:03,123 --> 00:55:04,723
Have you seen anything?
1204
00:55:04,725 --> 00:55:06,960
A burglary?
What, at Nigel's house?
1205
00:55:08,194 --> 00:55:09,761
Good sweet Christ,
1206
00:55:09,763 --> 00:55:12,630
what is happening to our sweet
little neighborhood?
1207
00:55:12,632 --> 00:55:15,933
- Uh, are you okay sir?
- No.
1208
00:55:15,935 --> 00:55:19,606
I'm devastated beyond reason.
1209
00:55:24,712 --> 00:55:25,880
Sweet Christ.
1210
00:55:27,147 --> 00:55:28,882
No, I wasn't into that.
1211
00:55:29,717 --> 00:55:31,083
Never?
1212
00:55:31,085 --> 00:55:32,884
Not really.
1213
00:55:32,886 --> 00:55:34,820
Not even in a school play
or anything?
1214
00:55:34,822 --> 00:55:36,320
No, I was never into drama.
1215
00:55:36,322 --> 00:55:39,090
I mean, sure, in the third grade
I played a teacup.
1216
00:55:39,092 --> 00:55:40,826
Uh, why...
1217
00:55:40,828 --> 00:55:42,728
...all the questions
about acting?
1218
00:55:42,730 --> 00:55:43,962
You think I came across as fake?
1219
00:55:43,964 --> 00:55:46,364
I think there's better acting
every time Larry King says,
1220
00:55:46,366 --> 00:55:47,965
"Till death do us part."
1221
00:55:47,967 --> 00:55:49,300
Well, that's very funny.
1222
00:55:49,302 --> 00:55:50,436
You wanna hear something else
that's funny?
1223
00:55:50,438 --> 00:55:53,304
There's a video of us
getting kidnapped on YouTube.
1224
00:55:53,306 --> 00:55:54,341
I know.
1225
00:56:01,781 --> 00:56:03,882
You don't know how many times
I've fantasized
1226
00:56:03,884 --> 00:56:06,253
about getting rid of you
for at least two months,
1227
00:56:07,253 --> 00:56:09,320
but now that I'm going toyail,
1228
00:56:09,322 --> 00:56:12,757
I... I'm gonna be devastated
without you.
1229
00:56:12,759 --> 00:56:15,059
Wait, you're going back
to college?
1230
00:56:15,061 --> 00:56:17,998
You know that when I say "yail"
I mean prison.
1231
00:56:24,170 --> 00:56:26,204
He lives
in his mother's house.
1232
00:56:26,206 --> 00:56:28,373
And by that I mean
his mother's garage.
1233
00:56:28,375 --> 00:56:30,241
I'm sure Jason's home, you know,
1234
00:56:30,243 --> 00:56:32,444
rubbing his mother's feet
or something.
1235
00:56:32,446 --> 00:56:34,212
We know you're in there, Jason.
1236
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:41,319
- Hi.
- Oh!
1237
00:56:41,321 --> 00:56:43,255
Hey, hi, Mr. and Mrs. Teagarten.
1238
00:56:43,257 --> 00:56:44,889
Is that I...
1239
00:56:44,891 --> 00:56:46,757
Actually, I wasn't hiding.
Is, is everything okay?
1240
00:56:46,759 --> 00:56:47,992
Why wouldn't it be, Jason?
1241
00:56:47,994 --> 00:56:49,061
Well, it's just that you've
never been to my house before
1242
00:56:49,063 --> 00:56:52,264
in like two years.
And it's what, um, 10:00 p.m.
1243
00:56:52,266 --> 00:56:55,300
Actually, it isn't okay,
and you can help.
1244
00:56:55,302 --> 00:56:56,867
Rachel's always saying that
you're some kind of
1245
00:56:56,869 --> 00:56:57,969
computer genius.
1246
00:56:57,971 --> 00:56:59,837
Aw. She says
I'm a computer genius?
1247
00:56:59,839 --> 00:57:01,139
That's very...
that's very sweet.
1248
00:57:01,141 --> 00:57:02,340
I'm sure it was like
a throwaway,
1249
00:57:02,342 --> 00:57:03,541
or like an aside, you know,
1250
00:57:03,543 --> 00:57:04,576
"He's a computer genius,"
you know, just like saying...
1251
00:57:04,578 --> 00:57:05,677
Oh, you know what,
I bet it's 'cause she knows
1252
00:57:05,679 --> 00:57:08,380
it's on my dream boards
to become a computer genius.
1253
00:57:08,382 --> 00:57:09,447
I'll bet that's where
that came from.
1254
00:57:09,449 --> 00:57:11,248
Did she actually say that,
or like in an e-mail,
1255
00:57:11,250 --> 00:57:12,750
or was it to...
in person to you just...
1256
00:57:12,752 --> 00:57:14,485
Jason! This isn't about you.
1257
00:57:14,487 --> 00:57:17,391
We need your help
with a video of me and Nancy.
1258
00:57:19,426 --> 00:57:20,491
Okay.
1259
00:57:20,493 --> 00:57:22,293
So you want...
1260
00:57:22,295 --> 00:57:25,996
me to make a video of you guys?
1261
00:57:25,998 --> 00:57:27,199
- Oh, get your mind
- No.
1262
00:57:27,201 --> 00:57:28,067
out of the gutter.
1263
00:57:28,069 --> 00:57:30,103
Good lord, Jason,
you take the cake.
1264
00:57:32,873 --> 00:57:35,172
It's so much more
fucked up than that.
1265
00:57:37,210 --> 00:57:38,976
- Look at this.
-
You might die!
1266
00:57:38,978 --> 00:57:41,246
This is insane.
When did this happen?
1267
00:57:41,248 --> 00:57:43,782
It feels like
in another lifetime.
1268
00:57:43,784 --> 00:57:45,282
Yet also like Tuesday.
1269
00:57:45,284 --> 00:57:46,851
Okay, well,
we have to call the police.
1270
00:57:46,853 --> 00:57:47,987
No! No police.
1271
00:57:47,989 --> 00:57:50,020
It was a misunderstanding
but everything's okay now.
1272
00:57:50,022 --> 00:57:52,023
It was a hiccup.
1273
00:57:52,025 --> 00:57:53,991
A hiccup? You being kidnapped?
1274
00:57:53,993 --> 00:57:55,826
A hiccup. It was a hiccup.
1275
00:57:55,828 --> 00:57:57,161
A hiccup. You don't call 911
1276
00:57:57,163 --> 00:57:58,496
every time you have
the hiccups do you, no.
1277
00:57:58,498 --> 00:57:59,864
I mean, maybe you do,
but I don't.
1278
00:57:59,866 --> 00:58:02,067
Listen, Jason.
1279
00:58:02,069 --> 00:58:03,501
We don't want Rachel
to see this.
1280
00:58:03,503 --> 00:58:05,369
- Mm-hm.
- She would only worry.
1281
00:58:05,371 --> 00:58:08,306
That's why we must
take this down.
1282
00:58:08,308 --> 00:58:10,141
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shouldn't be a problem.
1283
00:58:10,143 --> 00:58:11,909
Although, these guys
should be punished though,
1284
00:58:11,911 --> 00:58:14,311
'cause they cannot do that.
We'd... Especially to you guys.
1285
00:58:14,313 --> 00:58:15,348
I mean...
1286
00:58:16,449 --> 00:58:17,549
Oh, my god, okay,
that's actually
1287
00:58:17,551 --> 00:58:18,650
Rachel Skyping me now.
1288
00:58:18,652 --> 00:58:20,918
We're not here. She'll know
there's something wrong.
1289
00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:22,920
We, we would only be here
with you if we were desperate.
1290
00:58:22,922 --> 00:58:25,056
No, no, I wanna see
her little face,
1291
00:58:25,058 --> 00:58:26,925
even if it's for just a second.
1292
00:58:26,927 --> 00:58:28,527
We can hide,
she won't know we're here,
1293
00:58:28,529 --> 00:58:29,527
please, please, please.
1294
00:58:29,529 --> 00:58:31,798
- All right, go ahead.
- Really? Okay.
1295
00:58:34,268 --> 00:58:36,201
Yo! Hey, Rach. What's up?
1296
00:58:36,203 --> 00:58:38,203
I can only talk
for a few minutes.
1297
00:58:38,205 --> 00:58:40,204
Jessie is a great roommate,
1298
00:58:40,206 --> 00:58:41,973
but she's throwing
her third party
1299
00:58:41,975 --> 00:58:43,377
in four days, and she's...
1300
00:58:44,578 --> 00:58:46,311
Jason?
1301
00:58:46,313 --> 00:58:47,411
Are you okay?
1302
00:58:47,413 --> 00:58:49,380
What? I'm fine. That's...
1303
00:58:49,382 --> 00:58:51,349
How about you?
1304
00:58:51,351 --> 00:58:52,416
Well, actually,
1305
00:58:52,418 --> 00:58:53,617
I'm a little worried.
1306
00:58:53,619 --> 00:58:56,054
My mom called,
and I tried calling her back,
1307
00:58:56,056 --> 00:58:57,922
and she's not picking up.
1308
00:58:57,924 --> 00:58:59,958
Oh, uh, that's, you know.
1309
00:58:59,960 --> 00:59:01,458
It's... It's her...
'Cause her phone,
1310
00:59:01,460 --> 00:59:03,061
it's, um, her phone is broken.
1311
00:59:03,063 --> 00:59:04,061
You saw her?
1312
00:59:04,063 --> 00:59:06,063
Yeah. Oh, they had
a yard sale yesterday, so.
1313
00:59:06,065 --> 00:59:07,933
-
A yard sale?
-
No, that's..
1314
00:59:07,935 --> 00:59:09,201
I'm sorry,
"yard sale," what is...
1315
00:59:09,203 --> 00:59:11,001
No, they were...
'cause they were in the yard,
1316
00:59:11,003 --> 00:59:13,270
so I ran into them
cause I took a shortcut,
1317
00:59:13,272 --> 00:59:16,208
um, to... to...
to go work at Staples,
1318
00:59:16,210 --> 00:59:18,009
where I am
the assistant manager.
1319
00:59:18,011 --> 00:59:19,210
This is weird.
1320
00:59:19,212 --> 00:59:22,179
Mom always calls me right back.
This isn't like her.
1321
00:59:22,181 --> 00:59:23,248
Well, it's...
1322
00:59:23,250 --> 00:59:25,951
Could be 'cause she's...
she's singing and dancing,
1323
00:59:25,953 --> 00:59:28,085
and, and also blowing someone.
1324
00:59:28,087 --> 00:59:29,186
Uh, her birthday.
1325
00:59:29,188 --> 00:59:30,454
Isn't it her birthday
pretty soon?
1326
00:59:30,456 --> 00:59:32,960
Oh, of course, poor Mom.
1327
00:59:34,261 --> 00:59:35,960
Jason,
1328
00:59:35,962 --> 00:59:38,230
I should surprise her.
1329
00:59:38,232 --> 00:59:40,197
I'll come home for her birthday,
she'll love that.
1330
00:59:40,199 --> 00:59:42,500
Yeah, yeah, they both would.
Yeah, they would both love that.
1331
00:59:42,502 --> 00:59:44,034
For sure.
You should come on down.
1332
00:59:44,036 --> 00:59:45,170
I'll try Dad, he'll love it.
1333
00:59:45,172 --> 00:59:47,938
I'll get tulips.
Tulips are her favorite flowers,
1334
00:59:47,940 --> 00:59:50,507
and I'll invite all her sisters,
and everyone will be there
1335
00:59:50,509 --> 00:59:51,912
and everyone will be...
1336
00:59:56,148 --> 00:59:57,884
That's funny, do you hear that?
1337
00:59:59,418 --> 01:00:00,985
It's my dad's ringtone.
1338
01:00:04,491 --> 01:00:06,056
Yeah, okay,
you know what, Rachel?
1339
01:00:06,058 --> 01:00:07,525
I really...
I gotta tell you something.
1340
01:00:07,527 --> 01:00:09,126
Actually, your parent...
1341
01:00:10,897 --> 01:00:13,665
Jason, you really are
a little quisling.
1342
01:00:13,667 --> 01:00:14,933
You know that?
1343
01:00:14,935 --> 01:00:16,000
Okay, he...
1344
01:00:16,002 --> 01:00:17,569
he was from Norway.
1345
01:00:17,571 --> 01:00:19,536
I felt terrible lying to Rachel.
1346
01:00:19,538 --> 01:00:20,672
I understand,
1347
01:00:20,674 --> 01:00:23,174
because you never know
when the lies are going to stop.
1348
01:00:23,176 --> 01:00:24,476
But they just keep coming.
1349
01:00:24,478 --> 01:00:26,411
Pushing you out of the way.
1350
01:00:26,413 --> 01:00:28,516
Taking over your life
completely.
1351
01:00:29,549 --> 01:00:32,217
What a beautiful street.
1352
01:00:32,219 --> 01:00:33,550
Do you have raccoons?
1353
01:00:33,552 --> 01:00:35,520
Yeah, sporadically.
1354
01:00:35,522 --> 01:00:36,587
I love them.
1355
01:00:36,589 --> 01:00:37,922
Is that your guy's moving truck?
1356
01:00:37,924 --> 01:00:39,491
No. Well, yes.
1357
01:00:39,493 --> 01:00:41,393
We're just trying
to sell a few things.
1358
01:00:41,395 --> 01:00:42,494
Sell from the back of a truck?
1359
01:00:42,496 --> 01:00:45,063
Uh, we're trying to,
uh, finish off our yard sale.
1360
01:00:45,065 --> 01:00:45,963
For the truck and the computer,
1361
01:00:45,965 --> 01:00:48,233
using that, uh, Skype thing.
Anyhow...
1362
01:00:48,235 --> 01:00:49,567
So, you mean
like a virtual yard sale?
1363
01:00:49,569 --> 01:00:50,567
That's... Wow.
1364
01:00:50,569 --> 01:00:52,670
Did you come up with that idea,
Mr. Teagarten?
1365
01:00:52,672 --> 01:00:55,040
What? Uh, yeah, sure.
Anyway, thanks for your help...
1366
01:00:55,042 --> 01:00:56,541
That's genius!
Do you see the potential?
1367
01:00:56,543 --> 01:00:58,409
Not one iota. We gotta run now.
1368
01:00:58,411 --> 01:01:00,445
Uh, wait, Mr.
and Mrs. Teagarten, there's...
1369
01:01:00,447 --> 01:01:01,947
I think there's something
I need to show you.
1370
01:01:01,949 --> 01:01:03,918
For the love of Christ, Jason!
What is it?
1371
01:01:09,221 --> 01:01:11,956
So the park
was actually built in the '50s.
1372
01:01:11,958 --> 01:01:13,657
It's, uh, kind of fell
on hard times,
1373
01:01:13,659 --> 01:01:15,592
was vacant for a while.
1374
01:01:15,594 --> 01:01:17,329
So some friends and I,
we pooled our money
1375
01:01:17,331 --> 01:01:18,396
and bought it,
1376
01:01:18,398 --> 01:01:21,166
and we spent the last two years
just fixing it up.
1377
01:01:21,168 --> 01:01:23,233
Jason, this is amazing.
1378
01:01:23,235 --> 01:01:24,436
Thank you.
1379
01:01:27,174 --> 01:01:28,172
This is what I wanted
to show you.
1380
01:01:28,174 --> 01:01:30,976
All of our trailer homes
have a storage space,
1381
01:01:30,978 --> 01:01:33,744
'cause people are downsizing
from like, 3,500 square feet.
1382
01:01:33,746 --> 01:01:36,648
These days, I guess
it's like that everywhere.
1383
01:01:36,650 --> 01:01:39,416
So this is where
your virtual yard sale comes in.
1384
01:01:39,418 --> 01:01:41,186
You can upload streaming video
1385
01:01:41,188 --> 01:01:44,355
and people can browse it,
like in real time.
1386
01:01:44,357 --> 01:01:46,623
So you've got almost
a live yard sale,
1387
01:01:46,625 --> 01:01:49,094
but you're bidding,
like eBay online.
1388
01:01:49,096 --> 01:01:52,230
So you call it something like,
YardBay.
1389
01:01:53,299 --> 01:01:55,433
I'm sure you've thought
all this through, but, um,
1390
01:01:55,435 --> 01:01:56,601
you know, I'd love to help, I...
1391
01:01:56,603 --> 01:01:58,402
I could computer code
it all for you.
1392
01:02:01,007 --> 01:02:02,306
Hello?
1393
01:02:02,308 --> 01:02:04,442
No, Mr. Teagarten no here.
1394
01:02:04,444 --> 01:02:05,710
You have to call back a later.
1395
01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:08,045
Oh, he in the shower now
1396
01:02:08,047 --> 01:02:10,283
washing his body
with the shampoo and honey.
1397
01:02:11,284 --> 01:02:12,384
He have a shingles.
1398
01:02:16,188 --> 01:02:17,621
That was an old
fraternity buddy of mine.
1399
01:02:17,623 --> 01:02:19,324
Clyde Drexler.
1400
01:02:19,326 --> 01:02:20,724
I mean, he's a fan
of Clyde Drexler.
1401
01:02:20,726 --> 01:02:22,559
- Mm-hm.
- The Trailblazers.
1402
01:02:22,561 --> 01:02:24,161
Um, anyway, uh.
1403
01:02:24,163 --> 01:02:26,163
Thanks for the tour, Jason.
This was impressive.
1404
01:02:26,165 --> 01:02:28,099
Mobile homes and crap.
1405
01:02:28,101 --> 01:02:30,567
I'm sorry.
That sounded patronizing.
1406
01:02:30,569 --> 01:02:32,270
- Food for thought.
- Yeah.
1407
01:02:32,272 --> 01:02:33,670
Uh, thanks for your help
with the video.
1408
01:02:33,672 --> 01:02:34,773
Anytime.
1409
01:02:39,378 --> 01:02:41,679
Boy, Jason sure can talk.
1410
01:02:41,681 --> 01:02:42,813
Okay, I better call Randall
1411
01:02:42,815 --> 01:02:45,382
and tell him I'll take
that catalytic converter job.
1412
01:02:46,585 --> 01:02:49,255
Okay, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go get a Baby Ruth.
1413
01:02:50,424 --> 01:02:52,059
A Baby Ruth?
1414
01:02:59,232 --> 01:03:00,234
Shit.
1415
01:03:04,571 --> 01:03:06,503
Excuse me.
1416
01:03:06,505 --> 01:03:08,239
Hey, I'm sorry to bother you.
1417
01:03:08,241 --> 01:03:10,275
I... You have any change,
or better yet,
1418
01:03:10,277 --> 01:03:11,675
do you mind if I use
your cell phone?
1419
01:03:11,677 --> 01:03:12,777
It's kind of an emergency.
1420
01:03:12,779 --> 01:03:15,079
A Baby Ruth candy bar.
1421
01:03:15,081 --> 01:03:16,447
Oh,
Baby Ruth.
1422
01:03:16,449 --> 01:03:18,449
I thought you said Zagnut.
1423
01:03:18,451 --> 01:03:19,851
- Do you have one?
- Uh...
1424
01:03:19,853 --> 01:03:21,386
Yeah, let me check in the back.
1425
01:03:21,388 --> 01:03:23,123
I'll take two
if you have 'em.
1426
01:03:24,790 --> 01:03:26,224
Buddy, cool off.
1427
01:03:26,226 --> 01:03:28,425
I'm not trying to cause
any problems here.
1428
01:03:28,427 --> 01:03:29,661
You act like you got
1429
01:03:29,663 --> 01:03:31,695
50 kilos back there
or something.
1430
01:03:31,697 --> 01:03:32,864
Oh, by the way,
how much are...
1431
01:03:32,866 --> 01:03:34,498
What? What the?
1432
01:03:34,500 --> 01:03:36,703
Frank! Frank! Frank!
1433
01:03:44,511 --> 01:03:47,148
Hey! I found
the king size, is that okay?
1434
01:03:51,717 --> 01:03:52,817
Hello?
1435
01:03:52,819 --> 01:03:54,485
The king size, okay?
1436
01:03:56,422 --> 01:03:59,290
You try that again,
motherfucker?
1437
01:03:59,292 --> 01:04:00,791
I'm gonna bust
your fucking head open.
1438
01:04:04,563 --> 01:04:06,331
Everybody put
your hands where I can see 'em!
1439
01:04:06,333 --> 01:04:07,898
- Down in the ground!
- On the ground!
1440
01:04:07,900 --> 01:04:09,400
Get on the ground now!
1441
01:04:18,545 --> 01:04:20,277
Whoo! Jackpot.
1442
01:04:27,154 --> 01:04:29,686
Turns out it was 120 kilos.
1443
01:04:29,688 --> 01:04:31,524
Teagarten. Frank Teagarten.
1444
01:04:35,362 --> 01:04:36,860
FBI wants to talk to you.
Come on.
1445
01:04:36,862 --> 01:04:39,596
The FBI wants to talk
to me? Why?
1446
01:04:39,598 --> 01:04:41,699
They think you're good lookin'.
Come on.
1447
01:04:44,203 --> 01:04:45,205
Not you.
1448
01:04:46,806 --> 01:04:48,175
Let's go.
1449
01:04:56,248 --> 01:04:57,384
Are you okay?
1450
01:04:59,920 --> 01:05:02,123
It seems to me
you're as scared as I am.
1451
01:05:03,355 --> 01:05:05,125
Oh, I'm not scared for myself.
1452
01:05:07,893 --> 01:05:09,162
For my daughter.
1453
01:05:10,630 --> 01:05:11,732
We're done talkin'.
1454
01:05:17,670 --> 01:05:18,605
I have a daughter, too.
1455
01:05:20,373 --> 01:05:24,211
Our biggest fear in life
was to disappoint her.
1456
01:05:25,878 --> 01:05:28,315
I'm so ashamed and...
1457
01:05:28,949 --> 01:05:29,947
and worried...
1458
01:05:29,949 --> 01:05:32,449
Don't be bitching to me
about your rich life,
1459
01:05:32,451 --> 01:05:33,851
your spoiled brat daughter.
1460
01:05:33,853 --> 01:05:35,719
You know, you're gonna be out
of here in a minute,
1461
01:05:35,721 --> 01:05:37,454
and she'll have her mommy back.
1462
01:05:37,456 --> 01:05:38,855
But now, thanks to you,
1463
01:05:38,857 --> 01:05:41,491
I'm stuck in here
for god knows how long.
1464
01:05:41,493 --> 01:05:43,561
Yeah. I will get out,
1465
01:05:43,563 --> 01:05:48,866
but I will still be
a good-for-nothing fuck up.
1466
01:05:48,868 --> 01:05:51,469
And that might not mean
a lot to you,
1467
01:05:51,471 --> 01:05:54,672
since it looks like you've been
a fuck up for a while,
1468
01:05:54,674 --> 01:05:57,942
but we only fucked up
for one week.
1469
01:05:57,944 --> 01:06:00,480
One week, is all it took
for us to...
1470
01:06:00,980 --> 01:06:02,348
ruin her life.
1471
01:06:02,882 --> 01:06:04,648
She's only 19,
1472
01:06:04,650 --> 01:06:06,619
- and... and now she's...
- Are you kidding me?
1473
01:06:07,554 --> 01:06:08,552
Your daughter's 19.
1474
01:06:08,554 --> 01:06:10,657
She's supposed
to be taking care of herself.
1475
01:06:11,857 --> 01:06:12,926
My Rose...
1476
01:06:13,993 --> 01:06:15,328
she's only seven.
1477
01:06:16,395 --> 01:06:17,397
And now...
1478
01:06:18,697 --> 01:06:20,398
she's all alone in the world.
1479
01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:21,635
She's got nobody.
1480
01:06:25,639 --> 01:06:27,438
Woman...
1481
01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:31,509
you have no idea what shame is.
1482
01:06:31,511 --> 01:06:32,679
Shit.
1483
01:06:33,380 --> 01:06:34,615
You win.
1484
01:06:37,984 --> 01:06:39,416
Hey, Frank.
1485
01:06:39,418 --> 01:06:41,552
I'm Special Agent Milhouse.
1486
01:06:41,554 --> 01:06:43,621
This is Special Agent Barnes.
1487
01:06:43,623 --> 01:06:45,757
- Weird night, huh? God.
- Yeah.
1488
01:06:45,759 --> 01:06:49,559
A 120 kilos of Norteno Cocaine.
1489
01:06:49,561 --> 01:06:51,996
- A hell of a bust.
- Yeah.
1490
01:06:51,998 --> 01:06:54,799
You know that we had nothing
to do with this, right?
1491
01:06:54,801 --> 01:06:55,933
Oh!
1492
01:06:55,935 --> 01:06:57,634
So you think
that we just send out
1493
01:06:57,636 --> 01:06:59,706
our whole field office
just for fun?
1494
01:07:00,639 --> 01:07:01,838
This is what we know.
1495
01:07:01,840 --> 01:07:03,875
We've been tailing Shope
for three days,
1496
01:07:03,877 --> 01:07:05,442
since he entered
the United States.
1497
01:07:05,444 --> 01:07:07,311
Next thing we know,
the three of you
1498
01:07:07,313 --> 01:07:10,081
are in a Kwik-E-Mart
parking lot free for all.
1499
01:07:10,083 --> 01:07:12,349
So I think we've got
a problem here, don't you?
1500
01:07:12,351 --> 01:07:13,884
Frank, if you wanna get out
of here tonight,
1501
01:07:13,886 --> 01:07:14,951
you've gotta convince us,
1502
01:07:14,953 --> 01:07:17,355
you're not some
big, rich drug lord.
1503
01:07:17,357 --> 01:07:18,523
Like, for real.
1504
01:07:20,694 --> 01:07:22,860
Hello? Mr. Teagarten no home.
1505
01:07:22,862 --> 01:07:24,695
His phone went through
a snow blower,
1506
01:07:24,697 --> 01:07:26,931
and he chop his head right off.
1507
01:07:32,038 --> 01:07:34,404
I guess owing 300 bucks
to MasterCard
1508
01:07:34,406 --> 01:07:37,875
helped convince them,
we aren't Mr. and Mrs. El Chapo.
1509
01:07:37,877 --> 01:07:40,511
I can't help thinking
about that little girl.
1510
01:07:40,513 --> 01:07:42,079
Nancy,
what are you gonna do?
1511
01:07:42,081 --> 01:07:43,114
Have her come live with us
1512
01:07:43,116 --> 01:07:45,382
in this fucking
Perri Winkle truck?
1513
01:07:48,554 --> 01:07:49,922
God, this day sucked.
1514
01:07:51,757 --> 01:07:52,759
Carl.
1515
01:07:53,793 --> 01:07:55,893
He found my medals.
1516
01:07:55,895 --> 01:07:57,998
- How did he find them?
- He's a sneaky motherfucker.
1517
01:07:59,031 --> 01:08:00,965
But those medals
1518
01:08:00,967 --> 01:08:03,735
made me remember
that I used to win.
1519
01:08:03,737 --> 01:08:06,103
I used to have an edge.
1520
01:08:06,105 --> 01:08:09,676
This week, I've cried more than
I have ever cried before.
1521
01:08:11,143 --> 01:08:13,744
And for things that I would have
never cried about
1522
01:08:13,746 --> 01:08:14,882
in the old days.
1523
01:08:16,915 --> 01:08:19,850
It's like I've become
this person...
1524
01:08:19,852 --> 01:08:21,754
I don't know, and I don't like.
1525
01:08:23,522 --> 01:08:24,590
Where is this headed?
1526
01:08:27,427 --> 01:08:30,560
- We need to talk to Dan.
- Why? And beg for money?
1527
01:08:30,562 --> 01:08:31,628
That's not getting
your edge back.
1528
01:08:31,630 --> 01:08:33,797
That's surrendering,
not winning.
1529
01:08:33,799 --> 01:08:35,902
Guys like Dan, they take
advantage of weakness.
1530
01:08:38,070 --> 01:08:39,105
I'll figure it out.
1531
01:08:41,141 --> 01:08:42,343
I think.
1532
01:08:44,177 --> 01:08:46,947
I bet Rachel used to take one
of those buses to school.
1533
01:08:47,946 --> 01:08:49,180
Long ago.
1534
01:08:49,182 --> 01:08:51,082
Back in the time
when she used to look up to me
1535
01:08:51,084 --> 01:08:52,486
like I was Superman.
1536
01:08:56,588 --> 01:08:57,757
Oh, Frank.
1537
01:09:02,629 --> 01:09:03,630
You crying?
1538
01:09:05,798 --> 01:09:07,564
You were crying.
1539
01:09:07,566 --> 01:09:09,567
- What a pussy.
- No, I'm not crying.
1540
01:09:09,569 --> 01:09:11,769
But if I was, it's because...
1541
01:09:11,771 --> 01:09:13,136
Good god.
1542
01:09:13,138 --> 01:09:14,639
It's because the two
of you reek.
1543
01:09:14,641 --> 01:09:15,773
Fuck you.
1544
01:09:15,775 --> 01:09:18,509
Hey, you got ten bucks? For gas?
1545
01:09:18,511 --> 01:09:20,610
Wow, what timing you have, bum.
1546
01:09:20,612 --> 01:09:22,613
No. Actually, we don't have
ten bucks for gas.
1547
01:09:22,615 --> 01:09:24,448
Liar. That's some
high-end furniture
1548
01:09:24,450 --> 01:09:26,050
you got there, you rich asshole.
1549
01:09:26,052 --> 01:09:29,487
Rich? You have completely
misread our situation, my man.
1550
01:09:29,489 --> 01:09:31,689
Oh, whoa, whoa.
I'm not your man.
1551
01:09:31,691 --> 01:09:33,591
He's not your man, fish face.
1552
01:09:34,794 --> 01:09:36,927
I don't think anybody's ever
called me fish face before.
1553
01:09:36,929 --> 01:09:38,528
- Good.
- You believe this pile
1554
01:09:38,530 --> 01:09:40,765
of fish face,
calling me "his man"?
1555
01:09:40,767 --> 01:09:43,734
I'm not your man, so, fuck you.
1556
01:09:43,736 --> 01:09:45,168
No, no. It's, uh...
1557
01:09:45,170 --> 01:09:46,770
it's more like fuck you.
1558
01:09:46,772 --> 01:09:49,006
I'm sorry, you're not
understanding what we're saying.
1559
01:09:49,008 --> 01:09:50,608
Fuck you.
1560
01:09:50,610 --> 01:09:52,510
- What's your name?
- Will.
1561
01:09:52,512 --> 01:09:53,577
What's your name?
1562
01:09:53,579 --> 01:09:54,679
Colin.
1563
01:09:54,681 --> 01:09:55,949
Will, Colin...
1564
01:09:57,115 --> 01:09:58,181
fuck you.
1565
01:09:59,718 --> 01:10:00,887
Fish face.
1566
01:10:06,692 --> 01:10:09,092
So, how long do we sit here for?
1567
01:10:09,094 --> 01:10:10,630
I'm not sure.
1568
01:10:11,129 --> 01:10:12,529
Hey!
1569
01:10:12,531 --> 01:10:13,831
What are you doing out there?
1570
01:10:15,901 --> 01:10:17,103
So, what do we got here?
1571
01:10:18,637 --> 01:10:20,270
- Where's the other bum?
- Maui.
1572
01:10:20,272 --> 01:10:22,172
- I could buy a couple of things.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1573
01:10:22,174 --> 01:10:23,908
You think this is some kind
of a store?
1574
01:10:23,910 --> 01:10:25,510
What else would you
be doing here?
1575
01:10:25,512 --> 01:10:28,078
Well, actually, it's kind
of a incredible story.
1576
01:10:28,080 --> 01:10:29,980
- Nancy!
- How much for the paint?
1577
01:10:29,982 --> 01:10:31,616
Spray paint,
I'd like to huff it.
1578
01:10:31,618 --> 01:10:32,984
You wanna huff it?
1579
01:10:32,986 --> 01:10:34,719
You wanna huff the can
of spray paint?
1580
01:10:34,721 --> 01:10:36,953
You're like the worst bum ever.
1581
01:10:36,955 --> 01:10:38,055
What is it, a pageant?
1582
01:10:38,057 --> 01:10:39,590
And you came in last.
1583
01:10:39,592 --> 01:10:41,759
- Okay, five bucks.
- Five bucks?
1584
01:10:41,761 --> 01:10:43,060
For a can of paint?
1585
01:10:43,062 --> 01:10:44,628
That's what I said.
Five bucks, yes or no.
1586
01:10:44,630 --> 01:10:46,631
There's a line forming
behind you.
1587
01:10:46,633 --> 01:10:47,864
Ah! I made you look,
1588
01:10:47,866 --> 01:10:49,634
you fucking idiot.
1589
01:10:49,636 --> 01:10:51,138
Fuck off.
1590
01:10:54,307 --> 01:10:56,040
Stop lookin' at me!
1591
01:10:56,042 --> 01:10:57,942
Get away from the gas tank, bum.
1592
01:10:57,944 --> 01:10:59,010
Fuck you!
1593
01:11:03,850 --> 01:11:05,049
Stop and drop!
1594
01:11:06,619 --> 01:11:08,920
- Why is this happening?
- You're on fire!
1595
01:11:08,922 --> 01:11:11,154
Frank! Get this man
an extinguisher!
1596
01:11:12,225 --> 01:11:14,158
You're just gonna stand there?
1597
01:11:14,160 --> 01:11:15,626
He's on fire!
1598
01:11:15,628 --> 01:11:17,595
I don't need this shit
in my life!
1599
01:11:23,169 --> 01:11:24,268
Oh, yeah.
1600
01:11:24,270 --> 01:11:25,670
Lie on me.
1601
01:11:25,672 --> 01:11:27,003
Yeah, get on me, girl.
1602
01:11:27,005 --> 01:11:29,840
Uh, yeah.
Grind me out like a cigarette.
1603
01:11:29,842 --> 01:11:32,743
Oh! Yeah. Let me...
Let me return the favor.
1604
01:11:32,745 --> 01:11:35,179
- I'm anything but a gentleman.
- Are you kidding?
1605
01:11:36,348 --> 01:11:37,848
That's my wife, bum.
1606
01:11:41,053 --> 01:11:43,921
She got on me, dude!
1607
01:11:43,923 --> 01:11:46,223
Hey!
1608
01:11:46,225 --> 01:11:48,629
Bum, put those lamps back.
1609
01:11:49,963 --> 01:11:53,264
- So, that's the basic concept.
- Mm.
1610
01:11:53,266 --> 01:11:56,033
Sounds like a good idea.
What, you're calling it, uh,
1611
01:11:56,035 --> 01:11:58,034
- YardBay?
- YardBay.
1612
01:11:58,036 --> 01:11:59,769
Great name for a great idea.
1613
01:11:59,771 --> 01:12:01,137
Well, it's Frank's idea.
1614
01:12:01,139 --> 01:12:02,372
You hear that, bums?
1615
01:12:02,374 --> 01:12:04,308
The great idea was my idea.
1616
01:12:04,310 --> 01:12:06,844
Shovel swinging in your face
would be a good idea.
1617
01:12:09,248 --> 01:12:11,047
He already did that.
1618
01:12:11,049 --> 01:12:13,083
While smoking a spider.
1619
01:12:14,253 --> 01:12:15,786
Oh, I believe it.
1620
01:12:15,788 --> 01:12:17,188
'Cause he's a huge dumbass.
1621
01:12:17,190 --> 01:12:18,855
Look at his fat fish face.
1622
01:12:20,660 --> 01:12:23,063
Frank is a banana split of shit.
1623
01:12:24,230 --> 01:12:25,095
I don't like that.
1624
01:12:25,097 --> 01:12:27,331
I hate to say it,
but Frank is right
1625
01:12:27,333 --> 01:12:28,335
about one thing.
1626
01:12:29,168 --> 01:12:30,203
You got a good idea.
1627
01:12:30,870 --> 01:12:32,135
Okay?
1628
01:12:32,137 --> 01:12:35,305
But you gotta go in strong when
you're dealing with rich people.
1629
01:12:35,307 --> 01:12:37,174
Otherwise, they'll prey on you.
1630
01:12:37,176 --> 01:12:38,842
I would know that...
1631
01:12:38,844 --> 01:12:40,043
...because I used to be...
1632
01:12:40,045 --> 01:12:42,078
...one of those people.
1633
01:12:43,148 --> 01:12:44,718
Put me out, fish face!
1634
01:12:50,722 --> 01:12:53,123
All right,
I'm out. I'm out.
1635
01:12:53,125 --> 01:12:54,692
- You okay?
- Yeah.
1636
01:12:54,694 --> 01:12:55,792
What happened?
1637
01:12:55,794 --> 01:12:57,094
Oh. Cigarette.
1638
01:12:57,096 --> 01:12:58,996
Ah, yeah.
Same thing happened to me.
1639
01:12:58,998 --> 01:13:00,997
- Feel stupid.
- Yeah.
1640
01:13:00,999 --> 01:13:03,367
All right, well, goodbye, Frank.
1641
01:13:03,369 --> 01:13:05,135
Hope a train falls on your face.
1642
01:13:06,838 --> 01:13:09,375
Go siphon some gas
and smoke a cigarette, bum.
1643
01:13:10,776 --> 01:13:11,811
Touché.
1644
01:13:13,312 --> 01:13:15,078
You sure you're all right?
1645
01:13:15,080 --> 01:13:16,413
- Yeah.
- I did the same thing,
1646
01:13:16,415 --> 01:13:18,448
and next thing you know,
the flames just jump on you.
1647
01:13:18,450 --> 01:13:19,750
You think
it's the cigarette, or...
1648
01:13:19,752 --> 01:13:21,418
Fifty-fifty chance.
1649
01:13:21,420 --> 01:13:22,655
They were sweet.
1650
01:13:24,456 --> 01:13:25,726
Colin and Will.
1651
01:13:26,959 --> 01:13:27,961
Fuck them.
1652
01:13:39,938 --> 01:13:41,941
Why is there furniture
on the lawn?
1653
01:13:45,911 --> 01:13:48,045
Maybe they were partying.
1654
01:13:48,047 --> 01:13:50,180
They're not like that, Jessie.
1655
01:13:51,784 --> 01:13:52,716
You coming inside?
1656
01:13:52,718 --> 01:13:54,885
I wanna start setting up
for the surprise.
1657
01:13:54,887 --> 01:13:56,420
Um, yeah, in a minute.
1658
01:13:56,422 --> 01:13:57,488
I, I got the spins,
1659
01:13:57,490 --> 01:13:59,924
I'm just gonna go back to bed
for a little bit.
1660
01:13:59,926 --> 01:14:00,960
Okay.
1661
01:14:07,467 --> 01:14:08,835
That's weird.
1662
01:14:10,503 --> 01:14:12,202
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1663
01:14:12,204 --> 01:14:14,805
Hey. If you're here
for the yard sale,
1664
01:14:14,807 --> 01:14:16,207
it's in the yard.
1665
01:14:16,209 --> 01:14:18,175
- Who are you?
- Who am I?
1666
01:14:18,177 --> 01:14:20,110
I'm a guy holding pepper spray.
1667
01:14:20,112 --> 01:14:21,912
Twelve ounces...
1668
01:14:21,914 --> 01:14:24,148
Three ounces of pepper spray
at your eyes.
1669
01:14:24,150 --> 01:14:26,317
All right? Who are you?
1670
01:14:26,319 --> 01:14:29,353
I'm Rachel. I live here.
1671
01:14:29,355 --> 01:14:31,055
Oh, my god.
1672
01:14:31,057 --> 01:14:32,355
- Rachel?
- Yeah.
1673
01:14:32,357 --> 01:14:34,091
Oh, I've heard so much
about you.
1674
01:14:35,361 --> 01:14:36,363
I'm Carl.
1675
01:14:38,931 --> 01:14:40,163
Carl,
1676
01:14:40,165 --> 01:14:42,936
I think you're gonna need to
explain to me what's going on.
1677
01:14:45,937 --> 01:14:47,037
Oh!
1678
01:14:47,039 --> 01:14:49,873
Baby, I think
I figured something out,
1679
01:14:49,875 --> 01:14:51,341
and we're gonna call it,
1680
01:14:51,343 --> 01:14:52,712
"The Carl."
1681
01:14:55,013 --> 01:14:56,048
Feeling good?
1682
01:14:56,915 --> 01:14:58,448
If good means nervous.
1683
01:14:58,450 --> 01:14:59,716
A Baby Ruth?
1684
01:14:59,718 --> 01:15:02,489
Sometimes a Baby Ruth
is just a candy bar.
1685
01:15:06,926 --> 01:15:10,094
The tournament is canceled
but I'm sure Dan is still here.
1686
01:15:10,096 --> 01:15:11,427
This has to work.
1687
01:15:11,429 --> 01:15:12,962
You heard
what those bums said,
1688
01:15:12,964 --> 01:15:15,466
we have to make these rich guys
wanna give us money.
1689
01:15:15,468 --> 01:15:17,434
Make 'em need to give it to us.
1690
01:15:17,436 --> 01:15:19,336
It's fourth in goal,
no time on the clock,
1691
01:15:19,338 --> 01:15:21,808
you got the ball,
and I'll just follow your lead.
1692
01:15:28,548 --> 01:15:30,079
Keep it close.
1693
01:15:31,817 --> 01:15:32,852
Oh no, that's not...
1694
01:15:33,852 --> 01:15:34,952
"fuck you."
1695
01:15:34,954 --> 01:15:36,186
That's...
1696
01:15:36,188 --> 01:15:37,423
...somebody else.
1697
01:15:38,191 --> 01:15:39,359
Can you wash it?
1698
01:15:40,258 --> 01:15:41,261
That's fine.
1699
01:15:42,495 --> 01:15:44,994
I have to go to the locker room
to clean up,
1700
01:15:44,996 --> 01:15:46,529
and put on my secret weapon.
1701
01:15:46,531 --> 01:15:47,967
- Meet you at the golf carts.
- Okay.
1702
01:15:49,869 --> 01:15:51,034
Okay, well then,
1703
01:15:51,036 --> 01:15:52,970
where did they go after that?
1704
01:15:52,972 --> 01:15:54,939
I don't know.
1705
01:15:54,941 --> 01:15:57,878
I mean, it seems to change
every 16 minutes.
1706
01:15:58,844 --> 01:16:00,510
Frankly, I'm worried.
1707
01:16:00,512 --> 01:16:02,579
And your mother, I mean,
1708
01:16:02,581 --> 01:16:05,015
maybe you know her
better than me,
1709
01:16:05,017 --> 01:16:07,350
but she seems a little unhinged.
1710
01:16:07,352 --> 01:16:09,118
But the point is,
1711
01:16:09,120 --> 01:16:11,188
I think your surprise
birthday party
1712
01:16:11,190 --> 01:16:12,622
is a wonderful idea.
1713
01:16:12,624 --> 01:16:14,291
Have you ever seen
The Wedding Planner?
1714
01:16:14,293 --> 01:16:15,592
- Mm.
- With J-Lo?
1715
01:16:15,594 --> 01:16:18,162
Uh, that's short
for Jennifer Lopez.
1716
01:16:18,164 --> 01:16:20,230
Anyway, I love J-Lo,
1717
01:16:20,232 --> 01:16:22,533
and not just because she's
a fellow Latina.
1718
01:16:22,535 --> 01:16:24,400
I love her for her dancing.
1719
01:16:24,402 --> 01:16:26,269
I love her for her singing.
1720
01:16:26,271 --> 01:16:27,938
I love her for her acting.
1721
01:16:27,940 --> 01:16:29,573
But I never liked her perfume.
1722
01:16:29,575 --> 01:16:31,074
It was gross.
1723
01:16:31,076 --> 01:16:33,077
Carl...
1724
01:16:33,079 --> 01:16:35,578
I don't think
we're gonna have a party.
1725
01:16:35,580 --> 01:16:37,113
I need to call my Aunt Betty...
1726
01:16:37,115 --> 01:16:38,181
Okay.
1727
01:16:38,183 --> 01:16:40,417
I need, like, 12 billion aspirin
1728
01:16:40,419 --> 01:16:42,286
and one ounce...
1729
01:16:42,288 --> 01:16:43,354
Oh, my god!
1730
01:16:43,356 --> 01:16:46,090
who is this hunk
of stud hunk, oh...
1731
01:16:46,092 --> 01:16:48,058
Jessie, this is Carl.
1732
01:16:48,060 --> 01:16:49,426
He's...
1733
01:16:49,428 --> 01:16:51,261
I guess, staying with us.
1734
01:16:51,263 --> 01:16:52,997
Hi.
1735
01:16:52,999 --> 01:16:54,564
- I'm Jessie.
- Hi.
1736
01:16:54,566 --> 01:16:56,000
Nice to meet you.
1737
01:16:56,002 --> 01:16:57,635
Did you just
1738
01:16:57,637 --> 01:17:00,037
call me a "hunk of stud"?
1739
01:17:00,039 --> 01:17:01,572
If I was a shark, man,
1740
01:17:01,574 --> 01:17:02,672
I would just...
1741
01:17:02,674 --> 01:17:04,408
...chomp into you
1742
01:17:04,410 --> 01:17:06,213
like a little baby seal.
1743
01:17:11,918 --> 01:17:13,250
Please, God.
1744
01:17:13,252 --> 01:17:15,219
Don't let this be
a fucking dream.
1745
01:17:22,495 --> 01:17:23,560
Hey, Andy.
1746
01:17:23,562 --> 01:17:24,694
Danny boy.
1747
01:17:26,231 --> 01:17:27,530
Mm.
1748
01:17:27,532 --> 01:17:29,099
Look at that,
there's Nancy at the bar.
1749
01:17:29,101 --> 01:17:30,167
Ooh.
1750
01:17:30,169 --> 01:17:31,435
Salut.
1751
01:17:31,437 --> 01:17:33,369
Fancy Nancy.
1752
01:17:33,371 --> 01:17:34,438
- Hey, guys.
- Oh!
1753
01:17:34,440 --> 01:17:36,105
- Hi!
- Hey, Frank.
1754
01:17:36,107 --> 01:17:38,074
Yeah, she's having a few.
1755
01:17:38,076 --> 01:17:39,976
Right now, she couldn't see
the hole in a ladder.
1756
01:17:41,513 --> 01:17:43,180
We're both celebrating
some good news.
1757
01:17:43,182 --> 01:17:45,181
Oh, yeah?
What good news is that?
1758
01:17:45,183 --> 01:17:46,716
Some Silicon Valley news.
1759
01:17:46,718 --> 01:17:48,185
- Oh?
- Ooh.
1760
01:17:48,187 --> 01:17:50,453
Hi, guys!
1761
01:17:50,455 --> 01:17:52,221
Oh, bummer!
1762
01:17:52,223 --> 01:17:54,358
They canceled your game.
1763
01:17:54,360 --> 01:17:55,359
I know, I know.
1764
01:17:55,361 --> 01:17:57,694
- White balls, white snow...
- Well, white balls
1765
01:17:57,696 --> 01:17:59,063
are better than blue.
1766
01:17:59,065 --> 01:18:01,064
You ever run track?
1767
01:18:01,066 --> 01:18:03,233
- Ever run track? Ever run track?
- Mm-hm. Two.
1768
01:18:03,235 --> 01:18:04,435
You mean with our feet?
1769
01:18:04,437 --> 01:18:05,568
That's why
they have golf carts...
1770
01:18:05,570 --> 01:18:07,637
Hey, stop right there, baby.
1771
01:18:07,639 --> 01:18:11,140
I need you to pay attention
and to focus,
1772
01:18:11,142 --> 01:18:14,110
because I'm about
to organize you.
1773
01:18:14,112 --> 01:18:15,378
Uh, baby can we talk
for a second.
1774
01:18:15,380 --> 01:18:16,447
No.
1775
01:18:16,449 --> 01:18:17,648
No. Honey, I think...
1776
01:18:17,650 --> 01:18:20,516
I talk to you all the time,
I'm sick of talking to you.
1777
01:18:20,518 --> 01:18:23,022
I wanna talk to them.
Stop trying to control me.
1778
01:18:24,557 --> 01:18:26,092
Enjoy the moment, fellas.
1779
01:18:27,159 --> 01:18:28,725
Well,
1780
01:18:28,727 --> 01:18:32,363
I used to run
four-person relays,
1781
01:18:32,365 --> 01:18:34,264
and this is how it works.
1782
01:18:34,266 --> 01:18:36,734
The second fastest runner
1783
01:18:36,736 --> 01:18:39,036
usually starts the race.
1784
01:18:39,038 --> 01:18:42,672
That fucker needs
to get a good lead.
1785
01:18:42,674 --> 01:18:46,443
- Andy, smart, hard worker.
- Mm-hm.
1786
01:18:46,445 --> 01:18:49,246
You've earned your money.
1787
01:18:49,248 --> 01:18:50,314
Yes.
1788
01:18:50,316 --> 01:18:53,684
So, I am going to make you...
1789
01:18:53,686 --> 01:18:56,052
...the first runner.
1790
01:18:56,054 --> 01:18:57,253
Come with me.
1791
01:18:58,356 --> 01:19:01,759
The second runner needs
to be solid,
1792
01:19:01,761 --> 01:19:04,228
and dependable.
1793
01:19:04,230 --> 01:19:05,328
That's you, Steve.
1794
01:19:05,330 --> 01:19:07,663
You've done well in Wall Street,
1795
01:19:07,665 --> 01:19:10,235
but you've never done
anything...
1796
01:19:12,103 --> 01:19:14,238
flashy.
1797
01:19:14,240 --> 01:19:16,273
- I am so sorry, Rob,
- Huh?
1798
01:19:16,275 --> 01:19:21,677
but the slowest runner
always runs third.
1799
01:19:21,679 --> 01:19:23,514
I know that you're rich,
1800
01:19:23,516 --> 01:19:26,116
but it's family money, baby.
1801
01:19:26,118 --> 01:19:29,086
You need to be hungry.
1802
01:19:29,088 --> 01:19:30,653
Maybe today,
1803
01:19:30,655 --> 01:19:32,823
shock us, baby, please.
1804
01:19:34,392 --> 01:19:36,562
And you, my Danny boy.
1805
01:19:38,463 --> 01:19:41,064
- You're fourth.
- I'm never fourth.
1806
01:19:41,066 --> 01:19:44,234
But the fourth runner
it's always the fastest runner.
1807
01:19:44,236 --> 01:19:45,402
Ahh.
1808
01:19:45,404 --> 01:19:49,372
He's also the smartest runner.
1809
01:19:49,374 --> 01:19:52,643
Because he knows
what it takes to win.
1810
01:19:52,645 --> 01:19:56,646
Either dig deep to make up
for the lost time,
1811
01:19:56,648 --> 01:20:00,117
or run just fast enough
to hold the lead.
1812
01:20:00,119 --> 01:20:04,087
I was always the fourth runner.
1813
01:20:04,089 --> 01:20:07,761
Because I was very, very good.
1814
01:20:08,660 --> 01:20:11,795
So, let's stretch.
1815
01:20:11,797 --> 01:20:14,230
Warm up.
1816
01:20:14,232 --> 01:20:16,332
And assume the position.
1817
01:20:16,334 --> 01:20:17,835
Okay, now I like this part.
1818
01:20:17,837 --> 01:20:20,269
Isn't she something?
1819
01:20:20,271 --> 01:20:21,337
Stand up, baby.
1820
01:20:21,339 --> 01:20:23,439
So now what, we actually run?
1821
01:20:23,441 --> 01:20:26,609
Yes, and Frank is going
to tell you
1822
01:20:26,611 --> 01:20:28,511
- what's at the finish line.
- No. no, baby.
1823
01:20:28,513 --> 01:20:31,448
We have no more room
for investors...
1824
01:20:31,450 --> 01:20:32,815
- Come on, Frank.
- Please, please, Frank.
1825
01:20:32,817 --> 01:20:35,885
I mean, you cannot trust
those millionaires
1826
01:20:35,887 --> 01:20:38,421
from Silicon Valley.
1827
01:20:38,423 --> 01:20:40,524
Silicon is fake,
1828
01:20:40,526 --> 01:20:43,327
like the fake silicon boobs.
1829
01:20:43,329 --> 01:20:45,229
They're fake millionaires,
they're nouveau rich!
1830
01:20:45,231 --> 01:20:46,462
It's just a pitch, it's a pitch.
1831
01:20:46,464 --> 01:20:48,398
- Now you have to tell him about
- Ah, give it up.
1832
01:20:48,400 --> 01:20:49,565
- the pig.
- Give it up. Say the pitch.
1833
01:20:49,567 --> 01:20:51,234
- Come on.
- Tell them about the pig.
1834
01:20:51,236 --> 01:20:52,536
- The pig!
- All right, all right.
1835
01:20:52,538 --> 01:20:53,604
All right, all right.
1836
01:20:53,606 --> 01:20:54,607
Okay.
1837
01:20:55,406 --> 01:20:56,640
You know the phrase,
1838
01:20:56,642 --> 01:20:58,211
"Burn down the house
to cook the pig"?
1839
01:20:59,378 --> 01:21:00,610
You don't have a lot
of house left
1840
01:21:00,612 --> 01:21:01,780
but you have a lot
of cooked pig?
1841
01:21:03,382 --> 01:21:04,848
All the bankruptcy filings
in this country.
1842
01:21:04,850 --> 01:21:06,250
Right now,
people have lost everything.
1843
01:21:06,252 --> 01:21:07,654
They gambled
and they got wiped out.
1844
01:21:08,721 --> 01:21:10,253
Have I got your attention?
1845
01:21:13,726 --> 01:21:15,559
We...
1846
01:21:15,561 --> 01:21:17,860
help them sell
the barbecued pork.
1847
01:21:17,862 --> 01:21:21,700
People browse yard sales
from home.
1848
01:21:22,634 --> 01:21:24,137
It's called YardBay.
1849
01:21:25,905 --> 01:21:27,206
Yeah, baby.
1850
01:21:30,441 --> 01:21:31,444
I like it.
1851
01:21:32,178 --> 01:21:33,577
I like it.
1852
01:21:33,579 --> 01:21:34,677
Let's talk.
1853
01:21:34,679 --> 01:21:36,680
And the winner is...
1854
01:21:36,682 --> 01:21:37,948
Dan!
1855
01:21:37,950 --> 01:21:40,884
My wife is so fucking drunk.
1856
01:21:40,886 --> 01:21:42,418
Your acting was brilliant.
1857
01:21:42,420 --> 01:21:43,487
Well, I couldn't have
gotten home
1858
01:21:43,489 --> 01:21:44,787
if you didn't put me
on third, baby.
1859
01:21:44,789 --> 01:21:46,189
I feel great.
1860
01:21:46,191 --> 01:21:47,424
Oh, it really was, wasn't it?
1861
01:21:47,426 --> 01:21:49,225
I just did a "Carl."
1862
01:21:49,227 --> 01:21:52,461
My crazy made you look good,
and now they want YardBay!
1863
01:21:52,463 --> 01:21:54,198
I'm gonna call Jason.
I need to have something
1864
01:21:54,200 --> 01:21:55,933
to show Dan over lunch tomorrow.
1865
01:21:55,935 --> 01:21:57,137
Yes!
1866
01:21:58,236 --> 01:21:59,869
Oh, Frank, is it over?
1867
01:21:59,871 --> 01:22:02,706
Are we finally out
of this shitstorm?
1868
01:22:02,708 --> 01:22:04,942
I don't know how, but I think
we did it, didn't we?
1869
01:22:04,944 --> 01:22:06,846
Who said
you can't unring a bell?
1870
01:22:08,347 --> 01:22:10,346
Mom, Dad...
1871
01:22:10,348 --> 01:22:11,415
Rachel.
1872
01:22:11,417 --> 01:22:12,849
I'm with...
1873
01:22:12,851 --> 01:22:14,751
And I see you've met Carl.
1874
01:22:14,753 --> 01:22:16,452
Nancy, I've been so worried.
1875
01:22:16,454 --> 01:22:18,221
Carl told me everything.
1876
01:22:18,223 --> 01:22:19,890
I've tried piecing it together,
but...
1877
01:22:20,959 --> 01:22:22,391
I don't know.
1878
01:22:22,393 --> 01:22:23,627
I called Aunt Betty.
1879
01:22:23,629 --> 01:22:25,362
She's on her way here.
1880
01:22:25,364 --> 01:22:26,329
Great.
1881
01:22:26,331 --> 01:22:29,699
Honey, it's Nigel.
1882
01:22:29,701 --> 01:22:31,236
- Yes.
- No.
1883
01:22:31,669 --> 01:22:32,568
Nige.
1884
01:22:32,570 --> 01:22:34,871
I'm sorry,
did you just call me "Nige"?
1885
01:22:34,873 --> 01:22:36,006
Uh, it's possible.
1886
01:22:36,008 --> 01:22:37,841
I knew a guy
named "Adolf Dick" once,
1887
01:22:37,843 --> 01:22:39,775
- that's a tough name, isn't it?
-
Listen.
1888
01:22:39,777 --> 01:22:42,546
I just had
an amazing conversation
1889
01:22:42,548 --> 01:22:43,680
with the police.
1890
01:22:43,682 --> 01:22:47,684
Who informed me that my house
has been burglarized!
1891
01:22:47,686 --> 01:22:49,752
I am about to board this flight,
1892
01:22:49,754 --> 01:22:52,889
and come home and start ripping
some new assholes.
1893
01:22:52,891 --> 01:22:54,558
- All right?
-
No, no.
1894
01:22:54,560 --> 01:22:56,493
They caught the culprit,
everything's back in the house.
1895
01:22:56,495 --> 01:22:58,362
It's all good
in the hood, Nigel.
1896
01:22:58,364 --> 01:22:59,563
Oh.
1897
01:22:59,565 --> 01:23:01,797
Oh, the police found him?
They didn't let me know that.
1898
01:23:01,799 --> 01:23:04,033
All right, listen.
I want the perpetrators.
1899
01:23:04,035 --> 01:23:05,601
I want them prosecuted.
1900
01:23:05,603 --> 01:23:07,537
And I want them
sent to jail, okay?
1901
01:23:07,539 --> 01:23:08,604
No, no, Nigel.
1902
01:23:08,606 --> 01:23:11,707
The thief was hit by a car
and a bike and a rock.
1903
01:23:11,709 --> 01:23:12,975
Isn't that punishment enough?
1904
01:23:12,977 --> 01:23:16,613
You know, even 5,000 miles away,
I can still smell the bullshit.
1905
01:23:16,615 --> 01:23:17,713
I'm getting on this plane.
1906
01:23:17,715 --> 01:23:19,649
Or, I could go take a picture
of your living room
1907
01:23:19,651 --> 01:23:20,518
and send it to you.
1908
01:23:20,520 --> 01:23:23,319
And you could see
how it's pristine.
1909
01:23:24,990 --> 01:23:26,392
Yeah. Send it.
1910
01:23:32,798 --> 01:23:36,533
Rachel, I understand
that you must be mad.
1911
01:23:36,535 --> 01:23:39,368
Mom, I'm mad
that you didn't trust me enough
1912
01:23:39,370 --> 01:23:40,973
to tell me what was going on.
1913
01:23:41,673 --> 01:23:42,708
And also...
1914
01:23:44,043 --> 01:23:46,542
I'm mad that I missed out
on seeing
1915
01:23:46,544 --> 01:23:49,412
my amazing parents in action.
1916
01:23:49,414 --> 01:23:50,716
I wish I could've been there...
1917
01:23:51,950 --> 01:23:54,454
because I'll never stop learning
from you, guys.
1918
01:23:55,954 --> 01:23:57,520
Rachel.
1919
01:24:02,026 --> 01:24:04,396
Go upstairs to my closet.
It's now a panic room.
1920
01:24:05,897 --> 01:24:07,930
Hey, pervert.
1921
01:24:07,932 --> 01:24:09,901
What did we tell you
about coming back here?
1922
01:24:14,839 --> 01:24:16,038
Where's the main deviant?
1923
01:24:16,040 --> 01:24:17,107
Jason?
1924
01:24:17,109 --> 01:24:18,875
Don't worry, Rach.
1925
01:24:18,877 --> 01:24:20,911
- I got this.
- No, Jason.
1926
01:24:20,913 --> 01:24:22,778
Don't mess with these guys.
1927
01:24:22,780 --> 01:24:25,515
Frank, we have a
problema!
1928
01:24:25,517 --> 01:24:26,515
No, no, no.
1929
01:24:26,517 --> 01:24:29,819
Nobody speaks to Mrs. Teagarten
like that. Huh.
1930
01:24:29,821 --> 01:24:31,387
What you got there,
ironsides?
1931
01:24:31,389 --> 01:24:33,357
- A cap gun?
- Tasers.
1932
01:24:33,359 --> 01:24:34,623
I carry rent money.
1933
01:24:39,498 --> 01:24:41,665
Holy shit!
Those are police tasers.
1934
01:24:41,667 --> 01:24:43,600
Oh, I want that fucker.
1935
01:24:43,602 --> 01:24:44,768
- Be prepared to meet your...
- Give me one.
1936
01:24:44,770 --> 01:24:47,037
Hey, kids. What are you guys
doing here?
1937
01:24:47,039 --> 01:24:48,505
All right,
I'm just right in the middle
1938
01:24:48,507 --> 01:24:49,439
of something super important.
1939
01:24:49,441 --> 01:24:50,806
We really don't fucking care.
1940
01:24:50,808 --> 01:24:51,942
Back off,
you stupid fuck.
1941
01:24:51,944 --> 01:24:53,443
- Fight me!
- Who are you kids?
1942
01:24:53,445 --> 01:24:54,411
Please leave me be...
1943
01:24:54,413 --> 01:24:56,645
- Suck a fat one!
- My girlfriend is watching!
1944
01:24:56,647 --> 01:24:57,948
- Fucking pussy!
- Take the tasers.
1945
01:24:57,950 --> 01:24:59,616
You wore me down.
1946
01:24:59,618 --> 01:25:00,620
Oh, shit.
1947
01:25:02,053 --> 01:25:04,653
- Who are you?
- I'm plumber.
1948
01:25:06,090 --> 01:25:08,457
Ready for some shock
and awe, fuckers?
1949
01:25:08,459 --> 01:25:09,525
Amen.
1950
01:25:12,697 --> 01:25:14,698
Kneel before your god.
1951
01:25:14,700 --> 01:25:16,666
You guys are wonderful children.
Both of you.
1952
01:25:16,668 --> 01:25:18,103
All right, guys.
1953
01:25:19,471 --> 01:25:20,636
All right, we're good.
1954
01:25:20,638 --> 01:25:22,738
Dad, for once, we're having
fucking fun in our lives,
1955
01:25:22,740 --> 01:25:24,006
because you never gave us
a good childhood,
1956
01:25:24,008 --> 01:25:25,811
so can you just like,
let us have fun?
1957
01:25:27,945 --> 01:25:29,011
Pfft.
1958
01:25:35,887 --> 01:25:36,952
Nice.
1959
01:25:36,954 --> 01:25:38,188
- All right.
-
Ay, mi amor.
1960
01:25:38,190 --> 01:25:39,555
- We're done.
- That was amazing.
1961
01:25:39,557 --> 01:25:40,726
Thanks, baby.
1962
01:25:42,828 --> 01:25:45,429
Okay, I understand the impulse.
1963
01:25:45,431 --> 01:25:48,165
But let's have no more
of this vigilante justice, okay?
1964
01:25:48,167 --> 01:25:50,033
We have to have law and order.
Believe me, I would know.
1965
01:25:57,942 --> 01:25:59,943
All right, listen up.
1966
01:25:59,945 --> 01:26:02,415
We've got two minutes.
Everything inside.
1967
01:26:04,749 --> 01:26:06,683
Sir, you really need to board.
1968
01:26:06,685 --> 01:26:08,020
Yeah, all right,
all right, all right.
1969
01:26:11,222 --> 01:26:12,288
All right, uh,
1970
01:26:12,290 --> 01:26:15,091
pull my bags off the plane,
I'm going to Nepal.
1971
01:26:15,093 --> 01:26:16,560
You can't be serious.
1972
01:26:16,562 --> 01:26:18,929
Yeah, hurry up. Come on, lady!
Let's go.
1973
01:26:18,931 --> 01:26:20,229
Pull the trigger on my bags.
1974
01:26:20,231 --> 01:26:21,564
Uh...
1975
01:26:21,566 --> 01:26:24,167
Airport security to Gate B31.
1976
01:26:24,169 --> 01:26:26,569
Wait, why?
'Cause I called you "lady"?
1977
01:26:26,571 --> 01:26:27,570
You said the word "trigger."
1978
01:26:27,572 --> 01:26:29,706
It's not a great word
around here, these days.
1979
01:26:29,708 --> 01:26:32,475
Oh, you called the pigs,
you fucking stupid...
1980
01:26:32,477 --> 01:26:33,344
Oh, you...
1981
01:26:33,346 --> 01:26:35,211
That... He is a lady,
that's his...
1982
01:26:35,213 --> 01:26:36,479
Oh, fuck!
1983
01:27:01,539 --> 01:27:02,973
Good luck.
1984
01:27:02,975 --> 01:27:04,174
Bye.
1985
01:27:04,176 --> 01:27:05,242
Oh, Frank.
1986
01:27:05,244 --> 01:27:08,144
So, I can't talk you
out of this, right?
1987
01:27:08,146 --> 01:27:09,912
No, honey, you can't.
1988
01:27:09,914 --> 01:27:11,917
Good. More than good.
1989
01:27:30,602 --> 01:27:31,671
Is this Rose?
1990
01:27:33,605 --> 01:27:35,872
Hi Rose, I am Nancy.
1991
01:27:35,874 --> 01:27:37,607
Where's my daddy?
1992
01:27:37,609 --> 01:27:39,009
Your daddy couldn't come.
1993
01:27:39,011 --> 01:27:40,010
But he sent me to get you,
1994
01:27:40,012 --> 01:27:42,311
and you're going
to see him really, really soon.
1995
01:27:42,313 --> 01:27:43,380
Meanwhile,
1996
01:27:43,382 --> 01:27:46,582
I'm gonna be taking care of you.
Is that all right?
1997
01:27:46,584 --> 01:27:50,052
Is he in jail?
Sometimes he goes to jail.
1998
01:27:50,054 --> 01:27:53,622
You shouldn't worry about that,
you must be so tired.
1999
01:27:53,624 --> 01:27:55,527
And what about hungry,
are you hungry?
2000
01:27:57,295 --> 01:27:59,194
Thank you very much.
2001
01:27:59,196 --> 01:28:01,864
You're so brave
that you came all that way.
2002
01:28:01,866 --> 01:28:03,899
- Were you scared?
- A little.
2003
01:28:14,780 --> 01:28:16,246
Turkey, turkey!
2004
01:28:20,118 --> 01:28:22,685
O. Henry once said,
that "Love and family
2005
01:28:22,687 --> 01:28:25,154
and country are nothing
but shadows of words
2006
01:28:25,156 --> 01:28:27,056
when a man is starving."
2007
01:28:27,058 --> 01:28:29,059
Uh, and today,
we are not starving.
2008
01:28:29,061 --> 01:28:30,760
Yeah. I'm glad you're all here.
2009
01:28:30,762 --> 01:28:32,362
"O. Henry once said,
2010
01:28:32,364 --> 01:28:34,898
that love and family and country
2011
01:28:34,900 --> 01:28:37,600
all together is..."
2012
01:28:37,602 --> 01:28:38,737
Uh...
2013
01:28:41,706 --> 01:28:43,609
You're right. I'm a douche.
2014
01:28:45,243 --> 01:28:46,943
Yes!
2015
01:28:46,945 --> 01:28:48,377
Yes!
2016
01:28:48,379 --> 01:28:51,146
You most certainly are a douche.
2017
01:28:53,619 --> 01:28:55,719
And that is the first step
towards recovery.
2018
01:28:55,721 --> 01:28:57,086
Thank you.
2019
01:28:57,088 --> 01:29:00,090
Okay, okay, here we go.
2020
01:29:00,092 --> 01:29:01,957
I'm thankful that we got rid
2021
01:29:01,959 --> 01:29:05,327
of our stuck up,
useless friends.
2022
01:29:05,329 --> 01:29:07,896
Our new ones
are a little strange,
2023
01:29:07,898 --> 01:29:10,800
but they are true friends.
2024
01:29:10,802 --> 01:29:15,404
I am so thankful that I married
the love of my life.
2025
01:29:15,406 --> 01:29:20,743
And that I know my Frank and I
can overcome anything,
2026
01:29:20,745 --> 01:29:22,347
as long as we are together.
2027
01:29:23,181 --> 01:29:24,346
I love you.
2028
01:29:24,348 --> 01:29:26,686
Rose, Rachel.
2029
01:29:27,686 --> 01:29:30,686
Thank god for Baby Ruths.
2030
01:29:31,990 --> 01:29:33,390
Okay, who's hungry?
2031
01:29:33,392 --> 01:29:34,858
Me.
2032
01:29:34,860 --> 01:29:36,027
For my new friend.
2033
01:29:42,767 --> 01:29:44,199
Well, that's our story.
2034
01:29:44,201 --> 01:29:46,403
Frank and Nancy lived
in Jason's trailer court
2035
01:29:46,405 --> 01:29:47,738
for a while.
2036
01:29:47,740 --> 01:29:50,239
And Frank took the job
snipping catalytic converters.
2037
01:29:50,241 --> 01:29:52,108
He's pretty darn good at it.
2038
01:29:52,110 --> 01:29:53,342
They rented the house to Carl,
2039
01:29:53,344 --> 01:29:55,811
and they all worked
night and day on YardBay.
2040
01:29:55,813 --> 01:29:59,314
Last time we checked,
it was getting pretty darn huge.
2041
01:29:59,316 --> 01:30:01,451
And it all started
when they got drunk.
2042
01:30:01,453 --> 01:30:03,185
And because they were drunk,
2043
01:30:03,187 --> 01:30:06,021
drunk with love
for their daughter.
2044
01:30:06,023 --> 01:30:07,323
And like the saying goes,
2045
01:30:07,325 --> 01:30:10,460
"A drunk man's actions
are a sober man's thoughts."
2046
01:30:10,462 --> 01:30:13,098
They were drunk parents.
2047
01:30:53,674 --> 01:30:58,674
Subtitles by explosiveskull
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