All language subtitles for Dog With a Blog S03E15 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 5.1 x264-TrollHD_Track03

Hey, Stan.

Did you have fun
hanging out with the wife?

How was your two-month
anniversary dinner?

We went to
our favorite dumpster,

but it's going downhill.

Cats are starting to show up.
Next, it'll be hipsters.

Plus, Princess has been
acting strange lately

and I can't figure out why.

If you're trying
to understand girls, just stop.

They're irrational,
weird, and totally nuts.

No, we're not.
Whoa!

Dial it back, psycho.

Mason always acts strange.

Today he pasted
all his school books together

and called it "big learnin'."

Then he pasted
his hands together

and called the nurse.

Stan, I know
what's wrong with Princess.

You know, Karl,
I almost wore that,

then I realized
I wasn't being dropped

behind enemy lines today.

I need to be invisible

when I do my daily sweeps
of the neighborhood

with my parabolic
microphone.

Keeping vigil.
Snooping.

Keeping vigil.

And I heard Heather say,

"Princess is going
to have puppies."

( gasps )

What?
Oh, my gosh.

This is the most amazing thing
I've ever heard.

I'm gonna be a father.

Thank you,
talking plant.

Stan, it's Karl.

Oh, I have
a friend named Karl.

I'm really
excited to be a father.

But it's actually
not my first time

in a paternal role.

I once raised
a family of baby geese.

Good thing,
I had that hang glider.

Where have you been?

We're supposed
to go dress shopping.

I'm starting to think
you don't want to go

dress shopping with me.

Well, finish thinking that.

You used to love
doing that with me.

I pretended
to like a lot of things

when we were dating.

Like farmers markets

and your Uncle Alan's
knock-knock jokes.

Knock-knock.
Who's there?

Us, unfortunately.

You still find
my insecurity charming, right?

Look, I bought
a desk for Chloe's room.

If we don't assemble it,

then we're just gonna have
this huge box sitting around.

And I know how much
you hate huge boxes.

True.

My sister used
to hide in them,

and then leap out at me
and yell "You're unpopular!"

Okay, okay, I guess
we can build the desk.

Great.
Thanks, honey.

People like me!

Sorry, reflex.
Just a reflex.

Avery, I'm so excited
about being a father,

I'm experiencing emotions
I don't even know the names of.

So I made some up,
the Goofy Grinnies.

The Happy Happies.

And the Mega-Barks.

Where you bark a lot.
I get it.

No, I strip the bark
from giant sequoia trees.

See?

Trying to figure out
how you got that bark

giving me
the Totes Confusies.

I don't have a gesture
for it yet,

but how about...

I just can't wait to be
there by Princess's side

when the puppies are born.

It's gonna be
the happiest day of my life.

I'm not letting your dog
anywhere near my Princess

for the birth
of her puppies.

No, no, this is horrible.

Stan needs to be there
for the birth of his puppies.

You can't do this to him.

I can do whatever I want.

Ever since Daddy made me
vice president of his company

for tax purposes.

What is wrong with you?

Were you summoned to this realm
by some sort of incantation?

What is wrong with you?

Were you summoned to this realm
by some sort of incantation?

Avery's never gonna believe
that I came up with that first.

Here's the deal.

We're taking Princess
to have her puppies

at Chez Chateau Maison,

the most luxurious
dog spa ever.

None of you are getting
anywhere near her.

Don't be evil, Heather.

Please let Stan be there to see
his puppies being born.

And please don't make
a coat out of them afterwards.

Breaking news,
I don't care what you want.

I'm thinking about becoming
a famous TV newsperson.

And now to the weather.

Ugh, it's hot.

All right, we need
a plan to get Stan in

for the birth
of his puppies.

The place Heather
will be taking Princess,

Chez Chateau Maison,
is very exclusive.

They don't just let you in.

In fact, the guards
at Fort Knox brag

that Fort Knox
is the Chez Chateau Maison

of heavily fortified
gold bullion depositories.

No, they don't.

So how are we getting in?

We could form a ragtag band

of highly trained misfits
to break in, like in the movies.

I call charming con-man.

And you're the flexible girl

who can fold herself
into a dresser drawer.

Thank you very much,

But I can come up
with my own role.

I'm the brains
of the operation.

Who can fold herself
into a dresser drawer.

And I'll be the scrounger
who can get anything.

Copper wire...

letters of transit,
2,000 Deutsche Marks.

Thanks for playing
this game, Tyler,

I've been holding
onto these for a while.

And I'll be the sassy
computer expert

who uploads the data
at the last second.

I've never seen
this kind of encryption.

Click, click, click.
I'm in!

And I shall be
the master of disguise.

Yes, Karl, we'll call you

if we need anyone
to look like drapes.

Actually,
I'm your best hope.

Heather has
a massive crush on me.

Really?

I heard she had a thing
for some Venetian blinds

at another school.

No, she doesn't.

I'm serious.

Recently, women have been
finding me irresistible.

I'm a late bloomer.
I get it from Father.

Mother's sole contribution
to my genome

is the ability
to digest raw boar meat.

If you want raw boar meat,

I'll need eight hours.

You've got four.

Karl, thank you
for offering to help,

but I already have a plan.

We can do this without you.

Suit yourselves.

A Fink only offers
his manly wiles once.

Away!

Bennett, I'm so sore from
putting that desk together.

I've the worst
crick in my neck.

Aaah!

Ellen, you're just squeezing
an empty water bottle.

It's the only thing
that relieves the pain.

Aaah!

We have some menthol rub
in the bathroom.

Yeah, but, Bennett,
that just sounds like this.

( blowing raspberries )

I landed on purple.
I'll buy it.

For the 10th time,

this is not a game
where you buy things.

I'm gonna get
a glass of water.

Don't play bouncy
house on the couch.

Hi, Mason.

I was bored at home.

That's Jason,
Mason's twin brother.

Chloe doesn't know
Mason has a twin brother.

I'm not even sure
they understand.

I have to go
to the bathroom,

but I'm playing a game
with Chloe.

I'll finish the game
with her.

Okay.

Don't play bouncy
house on the couch.

You're not the boss of me!

What did I tell you?

Hey, you're pretty.

Okay, you can jump.

It's your turn.

Blue!
I'll buy it.

For the 11th time,

this is not a game
where you buy things!

I have to go
to the bathroom.

All done.

What?

How?
No, don't tell me.

I don't want to know.

Good, I don't even know
how it works anyway.

My turn.

No, it's not. You just rolled
and tried to buy blue.

This is not a game
where you buy things.

Aaah!

Big news!
Big news!

Got to let Chloe know
it's something important

but I can't talk
in front of Mason.

( barks )

Your dog is acting weird.

When my sock
puppets act weird,

I put them on my feet

but I can't do
that with your dog.

I think my dog's upset
about something.

Could you give us a minute?

Okay, what should I do
so I don't get bored?

I don't know, go look
for mangos in our gazebo.

I don't know
what either of those things are,

but Mommy says
I'm an overcomer.

They're taking Princess
to have her puppies.

I heard Heather
talking about it.

We've got to go!
What are you doing?

I wanted to see
what all the fuss was about.

Remember, we're rich girls,
and Stan is a pregnant dog.

You guys said I was silly
to get this pregnancy suit.

But I told you,
when there's a costume sale,

you buy everything.

Next week,
I'm a conquistador.

Let's hurry up.

We don't have time to wait
for Tyler to park the car.

Welcome to
Chez Chateau Maison.

I'm Grace.
How may I help you?

I'm Agatha Von Hempstead
of the Swiss Von Hempsteads.

And I'm Constance,
her wealthier sister.

Daddy's favorite!

As you can see, our beloved
Stana is having puppies

and she simply must be
taken care of here.

I'm afraid
that won't be possible.

Our last birthing suite
was booked for the day

by the famous
French veterinarian,

Dr. Frederic Monfore.

He's flying in shortly

for the show dog
Princess's delivery.

It's quite a scandal.

Mutt father.

( gasps )

Oh, my!

Hello,
I am Dr. Frederic Monfore.

You're the famous
French veterinarian?

You look like a teenager.

I get my youthful
looks from my mother.

She looks so young that
when we go out to dinner,

they make her
sit in a highchair.

And they make her
wear a bib,

but that is because
she eats like a horse.

That is right, my mother
is a middle-aged woman

who looks like a baby
and eats like a horse.

And that is
all you need to know.

I think some of the words here
are getting lost in translation.

Let's just
speak in French.

( speaking in French )

( speaking in French )

I'm sorry, Doctor.
Of course.

Let me find her file.

How do you know
French?

Well, they've given me so much,
with their toast,

their fries,
and their farces.

The least I could do
was learn their language.

Right this way, doctor.
Just down the hall.

How did I get here?

Mason?
What are you doing here?

I got into the back
of your gazebo,

but then it drove away.

You got into the back
of our minivan!

Chloe, come on.

Mason,
how did you get here?

It's a long story.

First I rolled a seven.

Then I bought purple.

You can't buy purple!

How did I get here?

We've got to find
which room Princess is in.

Bingo.
You found Princess?

No, there's a dog
named Bingo in here.

Jackpot!

There's a dog named
Jackpot in there?

No, I found Princess.
Catch up.

Where's Mason?
You've got to find him.

We can't have him
roaming around here

messing things up.

Got it.
We can't have a free Mason.

What are you doing here?

Security,
activate the knock-out gas.

Why do you even
have a suggestion box?

Master of disguise.

Let's masterful of
getting out of disguise.

Do you need me
to take advantage of the fact

that Heather is
gaga over me?

You're delusional.
Heather is not--

Hello, dreamboat.

You have
got to be kidding me.

This is perfect.

I'm gonna take Stan in
to be with Princess.

You make sure Karl keeps
Heather distracted.

How do I smell?

Heather, stay on my left.

Someone please
activate the knock-out gas.

Princess,
I made it.

She hasn't had
the puppies yet.

Why are you still
doing the accent?

I am-- how do you say,
enjoying it.

What is going on here?

I am the famous Dr. Monfore

here to deliver
these puppies.

It is?
That's interesting.

Because I am
the famous Dr. Monfore

here to deliver
these puppies.

You are an impostor!

I think my water just broke.

No, that was pee.

I'm really scared.

You know,
when the receptionist told me

I was already in here,
I knew there was a problem.

You are in a significant
amount of trouble, impostor!

That is ridiculous.

You, sir,
are the impostor.

I challenge you
to a duel.

I demand satisfaction.

Step outside.

This is a closet!

Or am I?

I mean, or is it?

That is it!
I am calling the authorities!

Or is it?

I mean, or are you?

( knocking on door )

Quiet, Dr. Monfore!

I have your phone

and I'm not afraid
to go over your minutes.

I will be quiet.

These international rates
are killing me.

Mason, don't say anything
you shouldn't.

It's very complicated.

We're pretending
to be other people.

I'm not Mason, I'm Jason.

Sure, we'll go with that.
A little obvious, but okay.

I need to use the bathroom.

Go ahead.
I'll wait for you here.

Hi, Chloe.
Aah!

How'd you do that?

I just opened my mouth
and words came out.

"Pajama bottom."

Sometimes it says
what it wants to say.

Where's the bathroom?

I overheard
the kids talking about

how Heather's family
goes here.

It is the best, most luxurious
spa in the area.

Hi, I'd like to book
a treatment for my wife.

Uh, we're not really
right for your wife.

That is ridiculous.

I do not care
how exclusive you are.

My wife has a crick
in her neck.

Aaah!

So you are gonna
take care of her now.

I don't think
you understand.

Oh, I understand perfectly.

Is this
what you're looking for?

Uh, okay.

If this is what you want.

Right this way, ma'am.
Come, come.

Come on, girl.
Come, come

Thank you so much, Bennett.

I will always remember
you did this for me.

Oh, and give her
the works!

Everything that you would do
for any of your clients!

Oh, Daddy.

And that's why the Center
for Disease Control

had to permanently
seal off my first shed

and bury it
in the Mojave Desert.

Excuse me.

I can't talk to him.

He's too perfect.
I'm too nervous.

I'm gonna vom.

I'll just go
and be with Princess.

No, no, no. No.
We can make this work.

If you can't talk to Karl,

you tell me
what you want to say

and I'll talk to him
for you.

You'd do that for me?

You know this doesn't mean
we'll be friends.

'Cause I know how much
you want to be my friend

and it's just sad.

What do you want me
to tell Karl for you?

How many mice
you can fit in your throat

after you've unhinged
your jaw?

Tell him he's super-cute
and the total package.

( giggles )

And then giggle like that.

So I'm just gonna pretend
we're talking for a few seconds.

Smile and nod.

Now pretend to say
something back to me.

My great Aunt Helen
has skin like yours.

But hers is
from swamp throat.

Is it a problem that
we don't have a real doctor

here for the birth?

Dogs do it all the time
without doctors.

Heather just got a doctor
because she's snooty.

True, dogs are resilient.

I just ate something
called biohazard, and I'm aces.

Is everything okay in here?

Yes,
everything is fine.

These dogs are
about to give birth.

All right.
I better play along.

Push!
Push!

Breathe! Breathe!

Hee-hoo-hoo!

Another doctor showed up
claiming to be you.

No,
you must be mistaken.

There is
no other doctor here.

( knocking on door )

What's that?

I do not know.

Let us check.

After you.

Oh!

DR. MONFORE:
Bonjour, I am a doctor.

The puppies are coming!

Aah!

It's happening!

I'm not ready!

Now tell him you're my moon,
my stars, my whole world.

And make sure
you put your hand here

when you say it.

You could've
just told me to do it.

You didn't have
to demonstrate on me,

like with the butterfly
kisses earlier.

Do you have
any hand sanitizer?

Of course.

And I'll be applying it
liberally to my face

as soon as
you remove your hand.

( phone chimes )

The puppies are coming.

Okay, I think
you two are ready

to talk without my help.

Topic of conversation,
you both think I'm inferior.

Discuss.

Her hand is clammy.

Her cheek's no
picnic either.

Oh, my gosh,
they're coming.

You're gonna be
a dad, Stan.

It's all happening so fast.

What if I'm not cut out
to be a father?

Dogs aren't like
human fathers.

They're not involved
in their puppies' lives at all.

What if I don't love them?

Puppies.

Here, buddy.

Say hi to your son
and daughter, Stan.

There's the sugar.

You are the most amazing,

perfect little wonderful things
I have ever seen.

How could I ever think
I wouldn't love you?

So, what are they doing
to your pooch?

I beg your pardon.

That is no way to--
Well, that is offensive.

Oh, one of those
modern guys.

Wants to treat 'em
like "people."

I love her.

Sure, but come on,
all the yipping,

and always
needing attention.

You get used to it.

I just tell her,

"Lay down at my feet
and be quiet, Duchess."

Well, I feel sorry for her.

There's my Duchess.

Who's a pretty girl?

What did they do to you?
Is that a bow?

I brought Ellen
to a dog spa.

She is going to--

Bennett.
Ellen!

I am so--
I had no idea that this was--

I have never felt better,
Bennett.

I mean, the biscuits
are a little hard,

and the tub bath
was a tad invasive...

but what an
amazing experience.

The important thing is,

no matter
what you find out later,

you enjoyed today.

Hold onto that.

Stan, they are so cute.

I'm naming them
Freddy and Gracie.

DR. MONFORE:
Those are our names.

Well, we've put you
two through a lot today.

DR. MONFORE: Awww.
GRACE: Awww.

Are they gonna be
able to talk?

Won't know for months.

But it doesn't matter.

I'll love them
no matter what.

Only two puppies.

Seems kind of like
a small litter.

We'll just think
of them as twins.

TOGETHER: Our parents say
twins can be a handful.

What?
You're a twin?

Why didn't I know
about you're twin, Mason?

We go to different schools.

Our parents wants
to be individuals.

But you're wearing
the same clothes.

TOGETHER:
How did we get in these?

Ugh!
I specifically said

you weren't supposed
to be in here.

I knew nothing
about this, darling.

When a girl likes you,
it makes you want to like her.

I didn't know
this dynamic was possible.

We just wanted
to see the puppies.

Get a good look, 'cause
my family's not keeping them.

When they're old enough,
we're giving them away.

Just because you're mad at us
for sneaking in here?

No, we were always
giving them away.

My parents
don't want more dogs,

and I think
mutt puppies are gross.

No!
I can't lose my puppies.

I can't believe
Heather's family

is gonna give
the puppies away

when they're old enough.

I love Gracie and Freddy.

I love them, too.

They were born
with great hair, just like me.

You Photoshopped that.

Not everything that's awesome

is computer- generated, Avery,
and yes, I did.

Guys, we can't let Heather
give away my children.

Wait a minute.

Maybe this
isn't a bad thing.

You monster!

What if we adopt the puppies?

You didn't let me finish.

You monster
with a heart full of love,

misunderstood
by everyone around you.

Like Gustov,
the imaginary monster

that lives under my bed.

At first he scared me,
but then we became friends.

Gustov love Chloe.

Right back you, G!

I'm sure it won't be that hard
to convince Mom and Dad

to have two more dogs.

After all,
Stan is so easy.

Stan got into the trash.

There is garbage everywhere.

Boy, I'm glad we don't
have more than one dog.

Well,
that's unfortunate timing.

After my wonderful day
at the spa,

the last thing I need is
this kind of added stress.

Maybe I should just
go back to the spa.

No!

I'll just hose you down
in the backyard.

You know,
it was a lot like that.

Look, I'm sorry Stan
got into the trash, Mom.

Maybe the problem
is Stan needs company.

Maybe we should get
another dog.

Or maybe two more dogs.

But where will we get them?
Oh, I know.

Stan and Princess
just had puppies.

Problem solved.
Love hugs.

Whoa, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Stan and Princess
had puppies?

And Heather's going
to give them away.

We really want to take them.

What do you say?
Can we?

I'm a teenager.

This could be the last hug
you ever get from me.

I see how much
this means to you guys,

but you know
I'm not a dog person.

You monster!

I'm sorry, we're not getting
two more dogs.

You didn't let me finish.

You horrible,
horrible monster!

I realize you have
some concerns,

but I want to
let you guys know

if you allow us
to keep the puppies,

we promise we will never do
anything wrong ever again.

( sneezes )

We will never do
anything wrong ever again.

Or sit on that couch.

Come on, you can't
let Gracie and Freddy

go to someone else.

They're Stan's children.

Sweetie,
Stan is just a dog.

It's not like
he'll know the difference.

It's normal
when a dog has puppies

for the family
not to keep them.

We promise
we'll talk to Heather's family

and make sure the puppies
go to a nice, responsible home.

Now that's the end
of the discussion.

You see, Bennett,
this is what I was afraid of.

All this disagreement
has taken me

out of my relaxed state.

I need to go
back to the spa.

I said I would take you out
back and hose you down.

Set the nozzle to blast
to get my hard-to-reach spots.

We have eight weeks
until the puppies are

old enough to leave Princess,

and then Heather
will give them away.

Okay, this doll is Mom.

This is Dad.

These are the puppies.

And this is Heather.
What do we do?

What are we gonna
use those for?

This is my chance,

Avery never plays
dolls with me anymore.

But I told you I'd do it.

It's not the same.

Guys, the clock is ticking.

What do we do
to keep the puppies?

Best idea wins a ham.

Stan, we love the puppies.

You don't have
to offer us a reward.

Good, because
I already ate the ham.

And for similar reasons,

best idea also does
not get a pork chop,

a bowl of rice,
or a vacuum bag.

( speaking in French accent)
I have got it!

I will dress up
as a French doctor again.

Tyler, that doesn't
work for everything.

Sacre bleu!

Ooh, I have an idea.

You be Mommy.

And I'll be Heather.

"Hi, do you want to go
to a tea party?"

Hey, Heather, I'll go
to the tea party with you.

It's not the same!

Well, here's my idea.

Mom is the one
who's not a dog person.

But she does
love to be loved.

And Heather doesn't
care about the puppies

so we can bring them
over here whenever we want.

So we just have to show Mom
how much the puppies love her.

I love you.

Wow, the girl does
have mad doll skills.

And getting Mom
to think the puppies love her

is a pretty good idea.

A ham-worthy idea.

The best I can do is
burp in your direction.

Get over here, you.

( snoring )

Once I paint this
meat juice on,

then Mom will wake up

with the puppies
licking her face

and think they love her.

There's no way
she can resist that.

Puppy licks
are powerful.

Did you know that
the first light bulb

was nothing more
than a glass bottle

in a puppy's mouth?

Stan, there's no way
that could work.

That's the lie
the candle companies

spread to maintain
their stranglehold

on the lighting industry.

Ohh...
( giggling )

The puppies are licking me.

They must really love me.

Of course, they love you.

Why else would
they be licking you?

Wait, why are you holding

a basting brush
and a bowl?

And why do
I smell like meat?

You always smell like meat,

you just never
noticed before?

Nice try, Tyler.

Bennett,
I've got meat juice on me.

Get the hose!

Don't worry, Stan.

We still have eight weeks
to get Mom to love the puppies.

The eight weeks are up

and Mom still doesn't
love the puppies.

And you've had that same shirt
on for eight weeks.

I like bad smells,
but whew!

Avery, Chloe,
and I have tried everything.

We had them lick Mom,
made her Mayor of Puppy Town,

I even gave Tyler hair
and eyebrows to Freddy.

This is bad.

Gracie and Freddy are old enough
now to be given away.

( Ellen laughing )

ELLEN:
Everybody, come look!

( laughing continues )

Oh, Tyler, you missed it.

I asked your dad
what time it was,

and he checked his watch with
a glass of water in his hand,

and he spilled it
all over himself.

Oh, do it again, honey,
he missed it.

You want me
to spill water on myself

because he missed it?

Eh, it was funny
and I'm already wet.

Okay.

Bennett, what time is it?

Well, it's about--

That's why I love you
so much.

You make me laugh.

I'm just lucky
you didn't meet a clown

before you met me.

Of course.

The way to Mom's heart
is through her funny bone.

And I still don't know
what time it is.

That's hilarious!

Clown puppies.

They also have
tiny clown bikes and pies.

Oh, tiny clown pies.

They look delicious.

That's a poker chip
with shaving cream on it.

Yes, I know that now.

I told you she'd eat it.
I win the bet.

You both have to read a book

that's not a novelization
of a summer blockbuster

Guys, I have to admit,

when I became
Mayor of Puppy Town,

I was honored

and added it to my resume

I haven't done much
in the last 10 years.

But seeing how funny the puppies
are finally got me.

And seeing
how much effort you guys

put in over
the last few weeks

really showed me
how much you care.

When dad gets home,

I'll tell him
we're keeping the puppies.

All right,
I'm keeping my puppies!

These puppies are hilarious.

I've never been prouder.

And so we'd like
to be the family

that takes the puppies.

I see.

Uh-huh.

Okay. Thanks.

I'm sorry, kids.

Heather's family

has already given
the puppies to someone else.

They're gone.

"Two months ago, when Gracie
and Freddy were born,

was the happiest day
of my life.

Today, when they were
adopted by another family,

was the saddest.

Avery tried to find out
who Heather gave them to,

but all Heather knew was
that it was some nice guy

who answered their ad.

I may never see
my puppies again."

Hello, Stan.

It's me,
your evil ex-owner, Ian.

Not that I'm evil
from my perspective,

but I thought the adjective
might help remind you

who I am.

I remember you, Ian.
What do you want?

No, Stan,
it's what you want.

( gasps )
My puppies!

I adopted them from
that lovely girl Heather

after I saw their baby photos
on your Buddy Bop page.

Wait a minute,

you're "Mad Scientist
You'll-See-You'll-All-See?"

Why did I accept
your bop request?

GLORIA: Ian!

Excuse me, I'm staying
with my mother in Glendale.

What, Mother?

GLORIA:
It's late! Go to bed!

How are you gonna make
scientific breakthroughs

if you're not well-rested?

You go to bed!

If you're not well-rested,

how are you gonna nag me
the rest of your life?

So where were we?

Right.
Your adorable puppies.

Give them back to me, Ian.

Of course.
If you give me what I want.

Anything.
Anything at all.

Sounds like we can
make a deal, then.

GLORIA: Ian, who are you
talking to this late?

The Nagging-Mother Police!

They're coming
to get you!

She's pretty sure there's
no Nagging-Mother Police,

but not completely sure--
it's a fun game we play.

Ian, why is there a dog
on your screen?

( doorbell rings )

Hello, Avery.

Ian?

What are you doing here?

Are those Stan's puppies?
Well--

Ian?
What are you doing here?

Are those Stan's puppies?
Well--

Ian, what are you doing here?
Are those Stan's puppies?

It'd be really helpful if you
all entered at the same time.

Okay,
let's get this over with.

Stan, what is going on?

Stan and I made a deal.

I turn the puppies
over to you,

and Stan comes with me
so I can resume my experiments

to discover how he can talk.

And this pet carrier
is chained to my wrist,

to make sure there are no
shenanigans, like last time.

Ugh, and I just thought up
the perfect shenanigan.

Stan, you can't do this.

You can't go with Ian.

I have no choice, Avery.

It's the only way to protect
Gracie and Freddy.

Are you ready, Stan?
In a minute.

There's something I need
to do before I leave.

See, he's here.
He's trying to take Stan.

You can't let him take Stan.

Oh, I remember you.

Honey, this is just the nice man
who used to own Stan.

You must be mistaken.

I'm sorry
about our daughter.

She has quite
an imagination.

Just ask Gustov.

Are you calling'
my woman a liar?

Gustov, please,
this isn't the time.

Ugh.

So, you came
to visit Stan again?

Exactly! I don't know what
Chloe was talking about.

Avery and I will visit
with Ian.

Why don't you
and Mom go back

to talking about
old people stuff,

like escrow
and how bad your knees are?

He's not wrong.

I feel a rain coming on.

I hope it doesn't interfere
with our meeting

with the notary.

Tyler, I know
what you're trying to do

getting Mom and Dad
out of the room.

It's to protect our secret.

But there are worse things
than them finding out.

Avery, no.
And Ian taking Stan

is the worst thing of all.

Maybe this is it.

Maybe this is the time
for them to find out.

What secret?

The secret that your dog
can talk, of course.

TOGETHER:
What?

I am a scientist
on the verge of making

the most important breakthrough
of the 21st century.

Your dog is the world's
first talking dog,

and I am gonna find out
how he does it,

so I can make
other dogs talk.

I'll become rich
and famous,

and finally have
someone to talk to.

Wait a minute.

Are you saying that
Stan is a talking dog?

Surely, there have been
mysterious goings on.

Voices you've heard,
unexplained happenings.

The ghost we heard
last Halloween.

The hang glider that got
charged to my credit card.

When we first got Stan

and Chloe told us
he was a talking dog.

That one really should've
tipped us off.

Stan talks.

And sings.

Dancing...

How could you have
kept this from us?

We were afraid
of what you would do.

But we have
a bigger problem now.

Ian has Gracie and Freddy,

and wants to
exchange them for Stan.

You can't let him have Stan.

The kids are emotional.

It's understandable,
they're kids.

Bennett,
we're men of science.

I have PhDs
in biology, zoology,

and theater arts,

in case the science thing
doesn't work out.

I am a man of science.

And I do have
a subscription series

to the Pasadena Playhouse.
Dad?

Yeah, given
the remarkable miracle

that Stan represents,

don't you agree
the only responsible thing

to do is to turn him
over to a man of science,

such as myself?

I'm sorry, kids.

Ian has a point.

A talking dog could be

one of the greatest
scientific discoveries ever.

Having Stan go with a scientist
is the responsible thing to do.

Kids, since I won't be around
when you're growing up,

I just wanted to teach you
a few life lessons.

This is how you
pickle a herring.

I think.

I'm just guessing
from the words.

So, when do you think I can
take Stan and be on my way?

Soon, I'm sure.
But what's the rush?

I so rarely get to converse
with a fellow man of science.

My whole career,

I've hoped for a breakthrough
in my field,

like the one
you're on the verge of.

Perhaps a psychological
disorder that I could name

"The Bennetts."

But nothing that gives me
the heebie jeebies.

Which, of course,
was discovered

by the team of Fred Heebie
and Bill Jeebie.

They're so lucky.

So yeah, um,

about getting Stan
and being on my way.

Oh, we rarely
have company.

I can't imagine why.

I may not be a man of science
or have all the degrees you do,

but I am
the Mayor of Puppy Town.

It's right here
on my resume.

Maybe we could go look for Stan
and see what the holdup is.

I've got to get back to
my mother's house in Glendale.

A mother in Glendale?

She must be so impressed
by your research.

My mother is gonna be proud

when I tell her about
"The Bennetts."

It would be nice
if it was something

that could be cured by quilting.

She loves that.

Where's the dog?

'Cause I can't wait to get back
to my mother's house.

She doesn't believe
in my work at all.

So Stan's gonna tell her,
"Your son's a genius!"

Now rub my belly.

Just to be clear,
that's still the dog

talking to my mother,
and not me talking to you.

Stan,
come here, boy.

Well, you two men
of science chat.

I'm gonna go think through
all the embarrassing things

I did when I thought
I was alone with a dumb dog

who couldn't
tell anyone about it.

Oh, boy, he saw
my chicken impression.

( imitating chicken )

Please, tell me
where your dog is!

Avery, what is it?
I wanted to finish the video

I was making my kids.

Stan, you can't do this.
You can't go with Ian.

Just run away and hide
so he can't take you.

Yeah, Stan.
Run away.

Like my kinfolk
do on teeth pulling day.

What, Chloe gets
to do characters,

but I can't do
Huckleberry Tyler?

Well, that makes me madder
than a possum in a tar barrel!

If I do run away,

what happens
to Gracie and Freddy?

We love Gracie
and Freddy, too.

We'll figure something out.

There's nothing
to figure out.

This is the only way
to protect them.

Now I'm gonna go
finish my video.

I don't know
how I'm gonna teach them

the art of puppetry
in one afternoon.

But I'm gonna give it a try.

I'll say good-bye
before I go.

I won't.
I'm uncomfortable with emotion.

We can't let Ian take Stan
or the puppies.

And we're not
going to, Chloe.

First, we'll take the puppies,

then Stan will have
no reason to leave.

But Ian has them
chained to his wrist.

See?

There's a bolt cutters
in the garage

we can use to cut the chain.

Like so.

Yay, Avery, you're playing
dolls with me.

He'll never stand by
while we do that.

We need a diversion.

Look over there!

Or maybe we can use Gustov.

I think you've
outgrown me, Chloe,

so I'm gonna fly out the window
and find another kid.

Bye, Gustov.

Tyler, get out of the way.

Oh, no.

I'm just kidding.

That's right, Tyler.
Tell 'em that.

Are you sure our dog talks

and we're not just all
out of our minds?

( thud )
Aah!

Cartwheels are hard for a dog,
but you get the idea.

I have just a few more
things to teach you.

You carry a lot of tension
in your back.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, really get in there.

And that's how you do puppetry
and shiatsu massage.

Sorry, I had
to combine the two.

I've got a lot
to get through.

This is how you sneak
under laser beams

if you're stealing jewels
from a museum.

Gracie, Freddy,

the most important thing
for me to tell you

is that when I'm gone,
it's gonna be up to you

to take care of Avery,
Tyler, and Chloe.

Now, those kids mean
more to me than anything.

Well,
until I met the two of you.

But then I decided I didn't
want anything associated

with explosive
diarrhea to be called

"The Bennetts."

I made the deal.

I was gonna leave the puppies
and take the dog.

It seemed so simple.

I'm back.

And I found her
and got her to come with me.

Ian...

Mom!

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

This lovely,
young lady--

She said
"lovely, young."

I wish you were my mother.

This lovely, young,
slightly needy lady

said that you were trying
to take their dog,

and that you chained
their puppies to your wrist.

Mother,
I am on the verge

of the most important
scientific breakthrough--

Oh, Ian, not the talking-dog
thing again.

Why did I let you watch
so many cartoons as a kid?

I will only eat
my Brussels sprouts

while I'm watching cartoons.

That's the deal
and you know it!

And talking dogs are real.

Get ready for me to say,
"Bam, in your face, Mother."

Yeah, there will be
no bamming in my face.

And no more bothering
these nice people.

Now unchain the puppies
from your wrist.

I can't believe I'm actually
saying that sentence.

Yes, Mother.

I promise,
he will never bother you again.

Come, Ian.

Yes, Mother.

Ow!

Bye, Gloria!

Farmers Market
this Saturday?

Stop being needy!

No, you're the best!

You got rid of him
and saved the puppies.

Stan, it's all all right.

We got rid of Ian
and your puppies are safe.

STAN: Freddy, Gracie!
Thank goodness!

I love you both so much.

We weren't going
to let that guy take Stan.

I was just stalling him

while your mother
went to find his mother.

That's right, we used the most
powerful force there is:

Mother Power.
Mama Powa.

The Maternal
Combustion Engine.

I want another baby,
Bennett.

So as for the secret,
now that you know...

It's time for me
to formally introduce myself.

And you kids
played along great.

We had no idea
what good actors you are.

Actors?

Yeah, the way
you followed our lead

when we were humoring Ian,

pretending
that he wasn't nuts,

and that we actually believed
him that Stan could talk,

until we could figure out
a way to get rid of him.

That's right,
we played along.

Pretending to believe.

Stan can't talk.
That's bananas.

Woo-hoo-hoo!

I'll stop now.

And your father
was great too,

with all that crazy talk
about "The Bennetts."

What a perfect diversion.

Yeah. Crazy talk.

Not a serious yearning
for professional accomplishment.

Just a diversion.

Diversion.
Oh, no.

Hey, what secret
were you talking about?

Shenanigan!
Shenanigan!

Whoa! Whoa!

Guys, Ian is gone!

The puppies
and Stan are okay.

What is going on?

Well...

this is the secret.

Sometimes
when you're gone,

Tyler flies around
in a fairy costume...

while Chloe tries to cut him
down with bolt cutters.

Yep, that's the secret.

What other secret
could there be?

Tyler has a monster in him.

Tyler,
get down from there.

Chloe,
give me those bolt cutters.

We are going to discuss
some consequences for this.

What are you doing?

You were supposed to
ride in with the bolt cutters

to free the puppies,

while Chloe flew in
wearing the fairy costume.

Oh.

That makes a lot more sense.

This costume is riding up
on me something fierce.

Imagine if Stan
really could talk.

How crazy would that be?

Not that you kids could actually
keep a secret like that from us.

No.
Of course not.

Not for more
than three years.

And, of course,
if Stan could talk,

we would
have to send him off

to be experimented on.

You're so funny.

I know
you're just joking, Dad.

That's a chance
we're never gonna take.

Preparing to leave the kids
I love so much

to save the puppies
I love so much

was probably
the hardest thing

I've ever had to do.

But fortunately, everything
adfoasir jweqrl nweapo rif.

What the--

Not now, kids,
Daddy's blogging.

Fatherhood is
not going to be easy.

But it's worth it.