All language subtitles for A.P.Bio.S02E07.720p.hdtv.x264-lucidtv

- All right,
sit down, everybody.

Start tI...ut up.

[quirky music]

[cheers and applause]

- A little history
lesson for you.

Thousands and thousands
of people have died

trying to climb Mount Everest,

but I refuse to give
my life to that bitch.

- Hmm.
- Oh, no!

Did I swear again?
[laughter]

Sometimes your only friend
is the howling of the wind.

- Is that Greg Miller?

You actually liking this?

- Yas, queen.
Get right.

He had his frostbit
toe amputated.

- Mm-hmm, on the side
of a dang mountain.

- With a steak knife.
Get right, queen.

[laughs]
- What?

- Anyway, my buddy Iceman,
he hands me my severed toe.

It's dripping with blood.

And I--I whisper to her.

I say, "One day,
you and me, girl,

we are gonna climb
to the summit."

And guess what, folks?

Three years later,
that's exactly what we did!

[cheers and applause]

Now, I've got a special guest
here I wanna introduce you to.

- Oh!

Guess what's in here?
My big toe.

Here she is.

This toe means
everything to me.

[clears throat]

- Weird.

- It reminds me that nothing's
gonna stop my ass.

Whitlock, you wanna
see this toe?

- No.

[cheers and applause]
- Huh?

I'm afraid you're gonna
have to earn it.

- Now, Greg is gonna be here
all week helping each of you

achieve a personal goal.

- Your own personal Everest.
- Ooh.

- And so to all
the losers out there,

all the weak, bullied,
people that look in the mirror

and don't like what they see...

I was you.
We're gonna get there.

And on Friday when you summit,
I'm gonna show you the toe!

[cheers and applause]

I was defeated,
but now I am "vic-toe-rious."

[cheers and applause]

- Stop it, stop it, stop it!
This guy sucks.

- Are you crazy?
Don't block my clap.

- Yes, he's the worst.

- [cheering]

Yeah!

- ♪ Next time,
I'll listen to my heart ♪

♪ Next time,
well, I'll be smart ♪

♪ ♪

- All right, everyone sit down
and shut up.

There will be no Everesting
in this class, okay?

And anyone who plays this dumb
Neanderthal's game

gets an immediate F.

- You don't think it's
impressive that he climbed

the world's tallest mountain
with only nine toes?

- Uh, you know what, Sarika?

No, I don't think
it's impressive.

Actually, I find it
a little bit easier.

Did you guys realize
that Everest isn't even

the hardest Himalayan peak?

That's probably
why he picked it.

You know, 'cause K2
is way harder.

- Actually, he did
K2 last year.

- Did he?
Damn it, did he, though?

Did he?
- Yeah.

- And whose side
are you guys on, anyway?

M--Mine or Greg's?

all: Greg's.

- Greg's?

All right, give me the shirts,
you patsies.

They're going in the dump.

- Oh, jeez,
are we out of bananas?

- Oh, sorry, Dave.

- Ah, it's fine.

- Wait, why did you say sorry?

Do you think a man
would apologize

for taking
the last community banana?

Women apologize way more.

Our Everest should be
the mountain of sexism

we face every damn day.
- Yes.

Preach.

You know, I've got
to stop saying sorry.

That's gonna be my Everest.

- Preach it.

I'm sick of yielding
to every man whenever

I walk down the hallway.

No more getting stuck
in between the vending machines

waiting for the hallway
to clear out.

- [chuckles]

I never yield.

I'm like a bull
in a glass plate shop.

- China shop?
- I try to be woke.

Racially.

- Okay.

- Oh, no more bananas, huh?
- Oh, sorry, Ralph--

- Do not now.
- I--I ate the last--

- You better stop.

- Take an apple, bitch.
- Okay, let's--

guys, let's remember
to be respectful.

- Uh, we are not guys.
We are ladies.

- I'm just gonna cut
my losses here.

- You know what?
Y'all inspire me.

As strong women, we need
to take care of ourselves.

The last time I truly
spoiled myself

was at Sandals Resort,
Jamaica.

And if I cannot go there,
it's got to come to me.

That's my Everest, me.

You know, I'm tired
of the inequality

and women making
way less than men.

- Oh, I mean,
I'm even more way less,

'cause I haven't had
a raise in 15 years.

- Excuse me?
That's a no.

You have got to demand a raise.
- I do?

- Yeah.
- Yes, you go, girl.

- I'm fired up already.
[bell rings]

- Go get you it, baby.
- Hop off that sofa.

- I gotta rock it.
I gotta rock it up.

- [groans]
- Pop off it.

[quirky music]

- [groans]
- Pop off it.

- Jack?
Jack Griffin.

It's Greg Miller.

- Uh, wow.
Have we met?

- Uh, yeah.

I used to call you
Pimple Butt Jack.

Remember that?
"PBJ, PBJ?"

- Uh, that's--that
is not my name.

- Well, I heard you blew it
at Harvard

and had to move back home.

Meanwhile, I'm raking it in
convincing these losers

that they're winners.

Joke is, they are losers,
just like you, Pimple Butt.

- [laughs]
Yeah.

You know, it's funny,
you kinda sound like an idiot

right now 'cause I don't have
pimples on my butt.

That was a lie you made up
in tenth grade.

- Oh, so what do you
want to do,

prove it to me by
showing me your butt?

I don't think so.

- I don't wanna
show you my butt.

- I'm gonna go wash up
somewhere else.

- I didn't say that.
- That's not my scene.

- What are you--
- Bye-bye.

[door closes]

[toilet flushes]

- You know, if you tell
anybody about this--

- I know, I get an F.

- No, no, no, no.

You get a murder.

[quirky music]

[bell ringing]
[suspenseful music]

[thuds]

♪ ♪

- [groans]

Wh--Whoa, excuse me.

I--I'm actually--I'm--I--

♪ ♪

Yeah, okay.

Right.

Excuse me.

Can I just--can I--can you--
I had--my--

You know what?
This actually works out.

[clock ticking]

- I'm worried
about Mr. Griffin.

- Why?
He's always late.

- Guys, Mr. Griffin is hiding
from his bully.

That Everest dude
called him Pimple Butt

when they went to Whitlock.

He almost made Mr. Griffin
cry in the bathroom,

and I felt so bad--
- Damn it!

Vic--Victor, what did I say,
man?

[groans]

- Your rage
makes more sense now.

- Mm-hmm.

- You were a nerd too.
- No, stop, okay?

Everybody just chill out.
I wasn't bullied.

I wasn't a nerd.

This isn't one of those things
where you guys find out,

"Oh, Mr. Griffin's
just like me."

- Lots of us
are in denial too.

- Guys, stop, okay?

I hate Greg because
he's a liar.

It's as simple as that, okay?

He--he constantly spread
lies in high school.

- About your pimple butt?
- No, not about my pimple butt.

I don't have a p--guys, there's
no pimples on my butt.

There never were.

Look, the guy's a liar.

He was lying then,
and I bet you he's lying now.

I bet you he didn't
even climb Everest.

And you know what?
I'm gonna prove it.

- We're gonna help you, Chief,
because you were bullied.

- Okay, well then don't help,
because I wasn't, all right?

If you want to help,
help because you hate Greg.

- What if we don't say
why we're helping?

- Yeah, all right, fine.
That's good enough.

- Well, I was the most popular
donor there at the clinic,

so, you know,
the odds of these lovebirds

being related is very high.

Oh, I gotta call you back.

- You can't keep stalling.

It's go time, girl.
- Oh, no kidding.

I gotta stop a wedding
this weekend.

- No, Helen, it's time
to go get that money.

Let's go!
- Oh, not today.

No, it's not a good time.
No, no.

- Cut the crap, Durb.
- What--what crap?

- You need to give
Helen a raise.

- Oh, yes, ab--absolutely.
I would love to.

- Oh.

Well, now, see, this is what
happens when strong women

come together.
- Yes, we cannot be stopped.

Let's go!
- Oh.

- Mm.

- I'd apologize,
but that was not my fault.

That's was the dab's fault,
Durb.

- You gotta stop dabbing.
- But it's who I am.

- It's aggressive.

- You were woman,
and we heard you roar.

[door closes]

I don't want a raise.

The school needs the money
much more than I do.

I just got all jacked up
because everyone was being

all empowering and it was fun,
that's all, so disregard.

- I put the money
aside every year.

I want you to get this raise.

Th--the students want you
to get this raise.

My mother wants you
to get this raise.

- Tell Debbie to mind
her own business.

- Okay, well, Debbie Durbin
doesn't mind her own business,

and neither does
her son Dennis Durbin,

and neither does Dennis'
brother Ralph.

So, Helen, take the GD raise.

- Okay,
I'll take the raise...

when I'm dead and stupid!

[door slams]
- [groans]

[bell rings]

- [laughing]

I've got him.
I have got him.

So why don't you guys go ahead
and prepare to lift me

on your bony little
shoulders in triumph?

This is a manifest that
I received after a very long,

very, very flirty
conversation with Ditya

at the, uh, Nepalese embassy,

and this shows
every single person

who climbed Everest in 2015.

That's the year that Greg
supposedly summited.

And guess what, my little
cornichons?

He's not on the list.

He's a liar.

You guys are staring at me.
What's going on?

- So we got all the yearbooks
Greg was in,

and you were right.
He's a liar.

He wasn't weak.

He actually took really
good care of himself.

- Yep, he's a liar.

- You also said you
weren't a nerd,

and there's a lot of evidence
to the contrary.

- Uh, we saw that you were in
band and that you played oboe.

- Uh-huh.
- I play oboe.

We're o-bros.

- Also, we saw that
your senior quote was,

"All around the world,
statues crumble for me."

- We cross-referenced it
because we thought it was

a quote from Julius Caesar.
- But it's not.

It's from a band
called Sugar Ray.

- And, Mr. Griffin,
they're not great.

- Yeah, no, I know, okay?

But at the time, there
was this California sound.

It was sweeping the na--

I don't have to explain
myself to you two.

The point is,
I've got him.

And over the course
of the next half hour,

I'm gonna weave
a web around him

waiting for the perfect
moment to pounce.

Toy with my prey.

- Howdy, hikers.

- I've got you!
I've got you!

I've got him!
He's a liar!

You're a liar,
and I got ya!

- Read it and weep, sucker.

Inamed Greg Millerne

climbed Everest in 2015.

- [laughs]

Oh, PBJ.

You wanna know the truth?

After I lost my toe in my
first attempt to summit,

I came home to months
of grueling physical therapy.

- For a toe?
Come on, man.

- My beautiful, gorgeous wife
stood by my wobbly side

as I recovered,
and out of that darkness,

I decided to legally change
my last name to hers,

Bouvier,
so let me ask you,

did a Greg Bouvier climb
Mount Everest in 2015?

You take a look.

- It checks out.
- Yeah, I bet it does.

You know, those things
can easily be forged.

And I--I bet you--I bet you
he never even lost a toe.

- Wow.

I really didn't wanna
do this but, uh,

take a look.

That's us approaching
the Lhotse wall,

bottom of Everest.

And that is Iceman
with the knife.

- [knife zings]

And that's him screaming as the
knife cuts through the bone.

- [screams]

- Now, I never screamed.
I didn't cry.

I sure as hell
didn't lie about my toe.

[sighs]
Jackie, baby.

You need professional help,
my boy.

And I'm the one that's
gonna give it to you.

I just talked Durbin
into hiring me

for a three-day
mandatory employee seminar.

That's the big bucks, boy.

Ooh, I cannot wait
to get my hands on you,

my little pimple butt.

[suspenseful music]

- If you won the lottery
or "Price is Right"

or "Wheel of Fortune,"
isn't there a prize

you'd wanna win?

- I mean, there was a time
I was very jealous of a woman

who won an impact-resistant
self-collapsing

DuraGuard protected carry-on
collection from Visionair.

Oh, Mama,
that was traveling in style.

That was sexy.

- Helen, you are worth more
than some luggage, okay?

So please take this check.

Hmm?

[quirky music]

[sighs]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

- This Sloppy Joe
is gross.

LeBron!

- Uh, hello.

- Hi, Dave.

- Dang it, Mary.

I gotta go straight to my
son's christening after work.

- Stay strong.

- Not my problem.
- Oh.

Wow.
Okay.

Have a good day, Mary.

- That sucked.
I'm shook.

- Climbing a mountain's hard,
girl, but gotta persevere.

[slurping]

Mmm, hits me right in my teeth.

[bell rings]

[L7's "Shove"]

[thuds]

♪ ♪

[thuds]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Bill collector
called today ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Shove ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Get out of my... ♪

- Hey.
Ralph.

You okay, man?

- I miss the hummingbirds
in winter, Jack.

- O--okay.

Uh, listen, Greg Miller
is not who he says he is.

This is a bad guy.

- I--I disagree, Jack.

We went out for
Shock Tops last night.

I--I'd never heard
of this beer.

Have you seen their logo?
It's an orange with a Mohawk.

I looked him up.
His name is Wedgehead.

- Look, I've known Greg
for 20 years, okay?

He is a liar.

- He showed me
the toe last night.

He was very vulnerable.

I think if you saw it,
you would understand him

on a deeper level.

Maybe you would join us
for Shock Tops.

- You know what?
Thanks for nothing.

I'll get someone else
to help.

And, by the way,
just so you know,

hummingbirds don't
migrate in the winter.

They just die.

[door closes]

[percussive music]

- Mr. Bouvier, we just wanna
apologize for yesterday.

- Well, I'm running late
for my closing assembly.

- Can you help me
with my Everest?

My dad always wanted me
to be good at tennis,

but I'm afraid of the balls.
Please?

I don't wanna be weak anymore.

- So you guys
finally came around.

All right, climber,
get your ass to the trailhead.

Let's do this.
What you got?

That is badass.
All right, let her rip.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
where did you guys get that?

[motor whirs]

- Come on, stay with it!
Whoo!

- Ow!
- Come on, take it!

What are you doing?
Come on, Iceman.

You got this.
- [screaming]

- 25,000 feet.
27,000 feet.

29,000 feet.
You did it!

That's the summit, bro!

[clapping]
[laughs]

Nice work, man.
I was wrong about you.

- Oh, my gosh.
That was awesome.

Oh, that was so cool.
- That is the system in action.

- Back-stabbing traitors.

- Wow.
Wow.

just starting to like you guys,

and here you are
siding with a bully,

the guy who used
to tell everybody

that I was still
breastfeeding on my mom,

my hardworking
single mother's boobies.

Yeah, he used to--he used
to take little ketchup packets

and he would put
a little tear in it,

put it on my chair so that when
I sat down, it exploded,

and he'd be like, "Hey,
Jack just had his period.

Check it out, everybody."

And he'd call me
Period Boy Jack,

yeah, one of two PBJ nicknames.

That's who you just sided with.

You guys suck.

- Boss, the tennis balls were
just a distraction so that

we could grab this.

We got the toe.

- Oh.

My babies.
[laughs]

My beautiful, sweet babies.

He's gonna freak out
when he realizes that

this toe is missing.

We gotta make it
to that assembly.

Come on, let's go.
I don't wanna miss this.

This is really gross.
We gotta make it
to that assembly.

[quirky music]

Come on.

- I'm no stranger
to adventure myself.

When I was a gnat's butt
older than you,

I went on a class-five
rapids expedition

through the Appalachians
with my friend Gale.

I had been trying to convince
her to do a gal's trip

in the wilderness...
- Hey, Greg.

Hey, man, um, listen.

I just wanted to apologize, uh,

about what happened
the other day.

to tell you something too.sorryd

I--I heard you lost your mom.

Man, I'm sorry.

- Thank you.

- Bet you're starving.

[slurping]

Little baby needs his milk.
- Right.

- [laughs]

Now I gotta go inspire
these losers, so, uh,

I forgive you.
We're good.

- Good.

- And then the natives,
they served me the stew.

And while I was eating--
'cause I was hungry--

I kept asking, "Did you find my
friend Gale in the wreckage?"

And suddenly I felt
a bone in my mouth.

And I understood.

I had eaten my best friend.

Well, without further ado,
let's welcome back Greg Miller.

[cheers and applause]

- What's going on, Whitlock?

Boy, we had some great summits
this week, didn't we?

I'm so proud of you guys.
- Show us the toe!

- Oh, you wanna jump
to it, huh?

I think you deserve it.
[cheers and applause]

- Yeah.
- Let's do this thing.

She might be a little shy.
Let's see how it goes.

You wanna come out and say hi?

[cheers and applause]

This little piggy
went to Whitlo--

My t--where's my toe?

What the hell?
Somebody stole my toe!

- No, no, no, hey.

- I just saw it
ten minutes ago.

- Whitlockians are not thieves.

I'm gonna give everyone
a countdown from five

to return the toe, okay?
Counting down.

Five, four--it's okay.
Three...

- It's not okay.
- Two, one.

Okay, another five
starting now.

Five, four--
- You dumb inbred dog turds!

- [laughing]
- You're trying to rattle me?

I climbed Everest, okay?

You think you're
better than that, bitch?

Your Everests were
the worst I've ever heard.

You got "do more footbaths"
over here.

What the hell is that?

And your quarterback
has a broken leg.

Okay, I don't know about you,
but I like quarterbacks

who can actually run,
not walk around on crutches.

[booing]

My toe!
My toe!

[booing]

- Don't let the door hit you!

- [laughs]

[booing]

- You broke a bad, bad man
today, my little cherubs.

- We had to.
He was your bully, boss.

- Mr. G, you know what?

I feel one
of our hugs coming on.

[dramatic music]

- [groans]
[laughs]

Oh, what--what
are you guys doing there?

Come on, this is just
a me-and-Anthony thing.

Come on, guys.

Ah, a lot of teenage
smells happening.

[laughs]

- Helen Henry Demarcus,
come on down.

You've won the impact-resistant
self-collapsing

DuraGuard-protected carry-on
collection from Visionair!

- [laughing]

- Oh, but you can't touch
unless you agree to take

the luggage and a raise.

- Oh, can I just have those
three beautiful little bags?

- Nope.

- Okay, I agree.
- Have at 'em.

- Yes!
[laughs]

Oh, they're beautiful.
I wanna hug them so much.

Oh!